The school bus arrived a little early this morning and I got up a little late. So, I sent the kids off to school without any lunches. That’s life. Shit happens. I was about to go back into the house and grab a cup of coffee. But I thought what the hell I’m sick of this.
I started walking down the street with no real destination in mind. But I just was sick to death of all of it, the cooking, the cleaning, the wash, my husband and the damn kids. Always wanting something, “Mom, Mom, Mom.” all day long. I haven’t really felt like dealing for a long time.
I kept walking and thinking. I realized it all started after I was in that car accident about eight months ago. My back was whacked. I ended up going to a pain clinic because nothing the regular doctor did helped with the pain. I even tried a chiropractor, nada.
Anyway, the clinic doctor gave me a script for oxy. Yeah, that really helped but soon I needed to take more to get the same effect. I tried Percocet. The doctor refused to give me anymore so I had to find another source.
I talked to one of the other Moms at my kid’s school. She told me about a guy that lived in a small trailer park in Gloucester City. So everyday I hump my way over there and get some.
Sometimes I don’t have the money so I have to make some money. So, I start going on some dates. Man, if my husband ever found out he would knock the crap out of me. That’s his problem I got to take care of myself.
After about forty-five minutes of walking and thinking I realize that I was headed towards Camden. I guess it was always in the back of my mind. People can really loose themselves there. You can be really free. Free to do whatever you want and nobody gives a damn.
I stick my hand out and hitch a ride with some old geezer.
“Where you headed honey? You know it ain’t safe for a pretty lady like you to be hitching a ride? You could get picked up by a serial killer or something.”
“Yeah thanks. I can take care of myself. Can you drop me off on Broad Street in Camden?”
“Broad Street, wow lady that’s really not a place for you to be hanging around.”
“Yeah don’t worry. I have a friend there. He’s waiting for me. “The geezer drops me off at Broad and Martin Luther King Blvd. I take a look around. The place is literally buzzing with energy. People up and down the street are talking and jiving. Music is blaring from speakers on the corner Bodega. I check my pockets. No money. I’m kind of hungry and I need some painkillers. I’m really starting to feel bad.
I see a guy staring at me. I nod at him. He comes walking over to me slow like, walking his walk. He’s big, with a mouth full of brilliant white teeth. “Yo, what’s up?”
“Nothing, I just need to get fixed up. You know feeling kind of sick.”
“Oh yeah, sorry to hear that Little Mama, have you got the scratch?”
“No, I don’t. Can we work something out?”
“Hey no prob. Let’s go I’ll show you the ropes around here. You don’t need to be hurting no more.”
That was eight months ago. I’m still here. Walking Broad Street, hell I own Broad Street. I think about leaving and going home, but I just can’t picture me there. Dealing with the cleaning, cooking, the kids and the angry husband.
Leo Cardelli- Photographer
No not yet. Oh wait, here comes a date. I need some extra money today. He looks like an easy roll. I’ll lay him out and take everything he has. He won’t know what hit him. I sidle up to him. He didn’t even see me coming. I purr in his ear, “Hey baby, want a date?”
He looks me over, “Yeah, how much?”
I tell him. We head over to the room I share with some of the other ladies. Next thing you know we’re in the alley outside the building. I look at him real close. I notice he looks familiar. “Hey do I know you?”
“Well you do look like somebody I knew in high school? Where did you go?”
“I went to Gloucester Catholic Senior High School. How about you?”
“Me too, what year?”
“I graduated in 1996.”
“Wow that’s weird, me too.” That was about as far as we got, cause I was feeling worse by the minute so I just cold cocked him, down he went. I ran his pockets; took everything I could find. You know it’s nice to see somebody from the good old days, but you got to take care of business.
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A sad commentary on todays world in the inner city for the hopeless.
This story gives a detailed account of a choice. Being in a safe home married with children and yet only a short car ride maybe even a walk away from a terrible place. It’s true that in these neighborhoods anything goes and “taking care of yourself” is #1. This story as sad as it is, is reality of choice! Addiction is a very hard path, it is for many the only road they travel. Thank you for sharing this difficult story. For those living it or family of those living it who may think it’s my fault after reading can see only one person makes the choice to go and stay.
This story started as a sad but familiar story, but the story turns, tragically.
A well-written story.