Words Matter

When I consider the things that have most shaped my personality, my self-esteem and my self-identity it was another person’s words that built me up or knocked me down. Words have power. The power to hurt or heal. 

When I was very young, before I attended school my parents and my siblings’ words defined me. They created my reality. Gave me a sense of who I was in the narrow world I occupied, my home, my neighborhood.

I didn’t comprehend that some of these words were said in anger or perhaps annoyance. I was a very sensitive and thoughtful child. My feelings were easily hurt.  Harsh words often felt like a physical blow to me. Apologies are not often made to children. It is impossible to take words back once they are uttered. It’s possible for words thoughtlessly said to a child to permanently affect their perception about themselves and who they will ultimately become.

The words that I recall my parents saying to me as a young child that stayed with me throughout my life are these: Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about. Get that look off your face, I don’t know what your problem is. Are stupid or just lazy? You can’t say boo to Susan, she will start crying. You’re crying, what now? I’ll give you something to cry about.

These words seem to dictate to me at the time that my feelings were invalid. That I wasn’t  Words have power. The power to hurt or heal.  supposed to cry or at least let people see me cry. That I was stupid. As a result, I learned to hide my feelings, keep things to myself. Hide who I was from the people who were supposed to care for me the most. My family often remarked how quiet I was, how I kept my feelings to myself. When they were the ones who taught me to do this to protect myself.

My parents and siblings were not terrible people. They weren’t abusive. They were just overworked, tired people who lived in close quarters and struggled everyday to get by with less than they needed. It was often difficult to make ends meet. The same problems people now have. Overworked, underpaid, too much month left when the money is used up.

As I matured, I made an effort to be more aware of the words I used when I spoke to other people. I tried to keep in mind that hurtful words did indeed hurt people. I certainly was not and am not perfect. I lose my temper and say things out of anger to people that I love and care about. When I calm down, I apologize for what I said and tell them I didn’t mean it. I strive to be a better, more considerate person. I am not always successful. I remember each day, is a new beginning.

In addition, when I see someone is doing the right thing, putting great effort to do their best, I tell them what a great job they are doing. And how proud I am of them. When a friend or an acquaintance looks nice. I complement them. How much effort does it take to say, “Hey, you look fantastic today?

Words truly have power to lift someone up or do put them down and crush their spirit. If you consider the last time someone told you how great you were doing. Didn’t this positive reinforcement spur you on to do more and better in whatever you were working on?

If a friend or loved one comes to you and confides in you about some personal struggle, are you open to listening, really listening to them? Do you offer them support and a caring heart without judgement? Or do you blow them off because you’re too busy? Put yourself in their place, wouldn’t you want this same friend or love one to care about you, to support you when your life is a struggle at times?

How great would our world be? If you, me and everyone we know arose from our beds everyday with the idea that we’re capable of making the world a better place just by being in it. And treating the people we meet and see during our day with a kind word, a supporting word? How difficult is it to say, “Hello, have a great day?” To the people we meet along the way.

You are doing a great job. I can see how much work and effort you are putting into everything you do. I see how hard you are doing, I’m proud of you. I have faith that you can succeed at whatever goal you set for yourself. You are a decent and kind person. I feel lucky to have you in my life. You make the world a better place, by you being a part of it. I love you. I care for you. I am here for you. I consider you my dear friend.

Words are that powerful, they create our reality. Use words with great care my friends. How great would our world be? You tell me.