My alarm clock is ringing incessantly. I reach over and slam my fist down on it, hard to shut it up.  Slowly rising from my bed and stumbling over to my bedroom window. When I pushed back the curtains at that moment, I realized it was a mistake because the light from the sun felt like it was burning through my retina directly into my brain.

I cup my hands around my eyes and look out onto my balcony. I live on the fifteenth floor of my apartment building, and usually, I can see the apartment building across from mine. But today, I only see a blaring, ungodly light. And then I see red dots floating in front of my eyes.

When I first moved to Philadelphia, I would wake up at six o’clock on the dot. I was excited by the prospect of a new day, a new beginning. I don’t feel that way now. I anticipate more of the same. The same being, nothing good happens to me, and I will fall more deeply into debt. As it is, I have been eating Ramen noodle soup for the past three weeks. I will probably start talking in Chinese soon.

If I don’t find a job soon, I’m not going to be able to pay my bills, including my rent. I will be out on the sidewalk along with all my belongings. And then the real nightmare begins I will have to move back in with my parents. Whereupon I will lose my will to live.

Oh, you think I’m exaggerating. Well, believe me, I’m not. My parents have been retired for years and live out in the middle of nowhere. The closest neighbors are an hour away. The town, if you can call it that, is another half hour from there.

They bicker from the first minute they wake up in the morning until lights out at nine PM. It’s not that they hate each other. It’s because they both want to be the boss. When they were working, they both were supervisors at their jobs. My father was the supervisor at a Budd plant in Philadelphia. It was a factory that manufactured metal parts for automobiles, railways, and even the space industry. He retired early in 2006 when his company was sold and integrated with another company. And he was laid off. He never really recovered from that loss. That job was his life.

And then there’s my mother. She was principal of one of the largest high schools in Center City, Philly.  As a new teacher, she taught math in middle school and then taught it in high school. Then she earned her master’s degree and her Principal certification. This was after working for over twenty years in the Philadelphia School system. She was forced to retire when they cut the funding of her school. She tried to turn the school around, and no one was interested in upgrading an old high school in what became an area with high crime and poverty.

So,  they are living out in the middle of nowhere, trying to manage each other. And there’s no way in hell that I’m going to become their new project. And be supervised into whatever it is they think I should be. I worked too long and too hard to return to the boondocks. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but I don’t want to ever live with them again. Although separately, they are decent but driven people. I can’t live with them. No way, no how, nada.

And that brings it all back to me. I have a little problem that I don’t seem able to overcome. I‘m incapable of telling a lie. Not a little lie, not a big lie, not a little white lie. No matter what the circumstances are, I’m simply incapable of telling a lie. That’s why I find myself in the fix I’m in now.

Through a series of incidences not worth repeating, I found out that my boss, let’s call him Little Boss, and his immediate superior, let’s call him Big Boss, were in cahoots and were screwing the company big time out of money. As soon as I became aware, I knew I should keep my mouth shut. But I couldn’t. Every minute of every single day, I had an impulse to spill my guts and tell the president of my company what was going down.

I know that if Little Boss or Big Boss finds out that I’m ratting them out, they will find a way of getting rid of me. And if it were possible, they would get rid of me permanently as in cement boots and dumped in the deep, blue sea. They were working with the mob. I kid you not, the mob out of Atlantic City.

All the same, I couldn’t sit out the whole situation out with my lips zipped. Every day I woke up with a compulsion to squeal, become a whistleblower, tell the god’s honest truth. It’s an affliction I’ve had all my life. I have to tell the truth, and it’s hell, I tell you, hell.

For example, I hit a dry spell for a while and didn’t have a date for almost six months. I was lonely, bored, and frustrated. And here’s why. Every time I meet a woman on a date, as soon as  I set eyes on her, I blab out whatever I notice about her, no matter what it is.

My buddy Fred set me up with a young woman that works in his building, He’s a married guy, but the women flock to him like flies on shit. If you don’t mind me using a crude analogy. But he loves his wife and never stops bragging about her, even though she is plain as a mud fence. She’s charming and intelligent and funny as hell but that face. They have been happily married for fifteen years. They have two beautiful kids. Fred is a happy guy.

Anyway, he keeps talking about this gal named Eileen, who is a friend of his wife’s, and how she’s perfect for me, intelligent, has a great sense of humor, fun to be with, upbeat and attractive. I’m somewhat reluctant to go out with someone he thinks is attractive because he says the same thing about his wife, and as I said, she is plain as white bread.

But finally, I agreed to go out with her. My buddy Fred gave me her phone number, and I gave her a call that night. Her name is Eileen, and her picture on Facebook is amazing. She has long blond hair and the face of an angel. She’s tall and slender. She looks like she could be a model. She agrees to go out with me. I clean out my bank account and bring the one credit card I have with some credit left on it. I make a reservation at the nicest restaurant I can afford and have money left for a tip for the waiter. I get my haircut and wear my favorite shirt and khakis. I take a good look in the mirror. And I can honestly say I never looked better.

I’m about five minutes late arriving at the restaurant. As I walk through the red door of Fiorella’s, I see her sitting at the third table on the left, and a waiter is standing next to her, taking her order for a drink. She is amazing. I can’t stop staring at her. I’m transfixed by her perfection, ivory skin, smile, and quiet laughter when the waiter tells her a joke. It’s like a dream come true. Finally, finally, my bad luck streak is over. My luck has changed.

I walk slowly over to the table so I can take her in. I know that this is the woman I was always meant to be with for the rest of my life. Just like that, in a moment, my life is turning around. She’s going to be my good luck charm. As I arrive at the table, she looks at me. And I feel like I’m melting under her candid stare.” Hello, Eileen.” I hope you will accept my apologies for keeping you waiting. I had a hard time finding a parking spot and had to walk several blocks. I should have considered that might happen and left earlier.”

“What? Oh, that’s no problem. Kyle. I just arrived a few minutes ago myself. The traffic in Philadelphia on a Friday night is quite heavy. I’ve been hearing about you from Frederick for a couple of years. And I’m glad I finally have the opportunity to meet you. Frederick is one of my favorite people in the world. Such a decent and kind, hard-working guy. He and his wife seem so happy. I envy them.”

As I sit down, I practically drown in her deep, brown eyes. I tell her a story about how Fred and I met in college. And he was the studious one, and I was drinking a lot of beer and partying until my Junior year when Fred talked to me one on one. He told me I better start getting serious because at the rate I was going, I wasn’t going to get anywhere in life. And for whatever reason, he got through to me. And I started cracking the books.”

“Well, he is one of the nicest people I know. He never has an unkind thing to say about anyone.”

I stared at her for a moment and thought, should I tell her about my little quirk? Although I couldn’t imagine what negative thing I could possibly say about her. She seems perfect to me in every way.

The waiter comes over to our table and hands us the menus. This restaurant is a well-known Italian eatery. And I always get the lasagna or the meatballs and ravioli. “Well, I think I’ll go with the Ravioli and meatballs.”

“And you, mam?”

“I think I’ll have the same. I haven’t had it in a long time.” As the waiter walks away, Eileen says,” god, I hate being called Mam. It makes me feel so old. Madam would be better. For that matter, “Hey, you. Would be better.”

“Oh, I don’t think anyone would look at you and think you’re old.”

“Well, thanks, but if the person is a twenty-something, they think everyone is old. What they don’t realize is how time flies by, and before you know it, someone is calling you sir or mam.”

“You know your, right. The other day I was getting gas at one of the gas stations that doesn’t have self-service, and the kid manning the pump said, “can I help you, sir?”

And I look all around to see who he’s talking to. And then I realize he’s talking to me. Not a good moment.”
As they eat their dinner, Kyle keeps staring over at Eileen. He wonders why such a beautiful woman isn’t married or engaged or have every man she meets fall in love with her. So, what kind of work do you do, Eileen?” After the words escape from his mouth, he knows it’s a mistake. Because she will probably ask him the same question, and he will have to tell her the truth. That he’s currently out of work.

“Oh, I’m an elementary school teacher. I have always loved being our kids. I come from a big family with older brothers and sisters; by the time I was ten, I was an aunt. And I love being around them. So, when the time came for me to go to college, I  knew I wanted to be a teacher. And I love every moment of it. How about you?”

“Well, actually, right now, I’m out of work. I was fired recently. I worked in the accounting department of a big corporation in downtown Philly. And I became aware of some serious graft taking place in the upper echelon of the corporate offices. And I reported it. I confronted them as well, and they fired me and made sure that every business that might consider hiring me wouldn’t.”

“Oh wow, that’s terrible. It’s so unfair that a man of principle could lose his job and get blackballed from other jobs because he is a man of integrity. Do you have any idea what you can do about it? I know it is against the law for former employers to tell the reason why someone is fired, although they don’t have to give a good reference for employees.”

“That’s true, but since they are connected, they seem to have a great deal of influence in the Philadelphia offices and South Jersey, for that matter.”

“What about looking in Delaware that isn’t that far from the Philly area?”

“That’s true. I hadn’t thought of looking there.”

“As a matter of fact, one of my Uncles owns a fairly large corporation that deals in real estate and mortgages; maybe I could ask him about a possible job opening. I’ll give him a call and tell him about you. Let me write down his contact information and email, and you could send out a query for possible jobs and ask about any current openings.”

“You would do that. That would be amazing. But I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take advantage of you in some way, Eileen.”

“Kyle, it was my idea. You’re not taking advantage of me at all. Put that right out of your mind.”

“Thanks, that would be awesome. Would you like some dessert and a glass of wine before we leave?”

“Yes, that would be perfect, Kyle.”

Kyle motions for the waiter to come over. Can we each have a piece of your wonderful Tiramisu and a glass of Lambrusco?”

“Of course, coming right up, sir.”

After they finish their dessert and sip their wine, Kyle decides to ask Eileen to take a walk around town. “Eileen, I’ve had such a wonderful time. I hate to end it. Would you like to take a walk? It’s beautiful around the city at night.”

“Oh, that sounds wonderful. I seldom come to Philly at night. I would love that.”

After Kyle pays the tab and leaves a tip, they start to get ready to leave, Kyle stands up and waits for Eileen to get up from her seat, but she seems hesitant to get up. “Is something the matter?”

“Well, yes, I have something to confess to you. I hope you won’t be disappointed?’

“Disappointed. I can’t imagine what you could possibly say or do that would upset me?”

“Well, I don’t know how to explain it, but you’ll see soon enough.”

“What is it? I’m sure Eileen is not as bad as you think it is?”

“OK, here it goes.”

Kyle stares at her; he can’t imagine what she’s so worried about. And then, Eileen stands up and steps out of the booth and into the aisle. He stares at her and sees nothing out of the ordinary. He looks at her from the top of her beautiful blond head and at her gorgeous face. And all the way down to her feet. And then he is dumbfounded.

Eileen looks at his shocked face and then waits for him to say something.”

“My god, you have the biggest feet I’ve ever seen on a woman in my whole life. They’re twice as big as my feet.

“Yes, I know. My feet never stopped growing until I was about twenty; by then, they were really big. There wasn’t anything they could do about it. So yes, I have really big feet. I have to have all my shoes made by hand. But other than that, I’m perfectly normal.”

“You’re right. Your feet are enormous. But you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met inside and out. Shall we go for our walk now?”

“Really, I would love that. Let’s go. You know Fred warned me in advance that you always tell the truth, and sometimes you are blunt about it.”

“Yes, that’s true. I’ve never been able to lie at all. I always tell the truth. So, when I say you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met inside and out. It’s the truth.”

Shall we go?”

Kyle takes her hand to his lips and kisses her gently, “Yes, let’s do that. I think this is going to be the first step together, but there is a happy future to look forward to, don’t you?”

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