Monthly Archives: December 2020

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold

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I’ve been dating my boyfriend Gregory since I was in the ninth grade. I just graduated from Temple University. The sad truth is that Gregory and I no longer have anything in common.

When I first met Gregory, I thought he was the most handsome boy I ever met. He was outgoing and funny. Wherever Gregory was in the room, there was sure to be a crowd of people around him laughing. Every girl I knew envied me, and wanted Gregory for themselves. Gregory ignored them all. He was loyal to me and didn’t even look at all the girls that tried to seduce him away from me. He was the smartest person I ever met. And not only that he was a star quarterback throughout high school. He received a full-ride scholarship to Vanderbilt University.

Everything comes easily to Gregory. I have to admit he’s a gifted person. In fact, no matter how hard I examined him I can’t find a single fault. So, therein lies the problem. Gregory is too perfect. He excels at everything with very little effort. Everyone loves him, and admires him. Wants to be him. 

I know I should consider myself lucky to have Gregory and in the beginning, I did. But over time, I noticed that there was a subtle shift in my feelings for and about Gregory.

I began to resent that Gregory was always in the limelight, always the center of attention, always the STAR. I knew I needed to break up with him before I began to loathe him. He hadn’t done anything to deserve my hate. He was the perfect boyfriend. I know he was going to ask me to marry him after he decided which professional football team, to sign a contract with.

I didn’t want to be known as so and so’s wife. Always on the sidelines, the devoted spouse. Yes, yes, I know. All I had to do is be a loving and faithful wife, and everything I ever dreamed of having would be mine. I would have a gorgeous home, designer clothing, an expensive car, and be able to travel all over the world if that is what I wanted to do.

I’ve tried to talk to Gregory about how I felt, that I had dreams and goals of my own. He would say, sure, sure Babe, whatever you want, and off he would go. After months of delaying the decision to leave Gregory, I finally took the final step and broke up with him.

I admit the timing wasn’t perfect. In fact, I chose the worse time to do it. The afternoon before dinner Gregory’s friends were throwing him a victory party for getting a contract with the New England Patriots.

We were having lunch on the patio of our house. It was such a beautiful day. Early that morning there had been a Spring shower, and the sun had just shown its face and raindrops on the grass were glistening like diamonds in the sand. I had been struggling for weeks trying to decide the best way to tell Gregory about my decision.

I decided the most painless method was to just tell him all at once. Quick and painless I thought. I’ve been trying to tell him in a million different ways over the past year. And he kept blowing me off. If Gregory doesn’t want to hear something, he just refuses to hear it.

I had already packed up all my earthly belongings, the ones that matter anyway, and had them in the trunk of my car. Gregory hadn’t even noticed. I left all the expensive jewelry he had ever given me on my dresser. Jewelry was never important to me. I had told him time, and again I didn’t need it, didn’t want it. He just never heard me.

I was taking the last bite of my gourmet lunch. Oh, I forgot to mention that Gregory is a gourmet cook. On this particular day, Gregory had outdone himself. He had made a chilled Wild Pacific Confit Salmon with a Harissa Sauce, Quinoa & Arugula Salad, and fresh pears with Honey-Sea Salt Cornbread with Local Spiced Apple Butter. As I reflected on this lunch, I considered it my last meal with Gregory. And I have to admit I enjoyed that meal. It was delicious, and I would miss his cooking. It marked the end of an era in my life.

“Gregory, I have something to tell you.”

“Christine, please don’t spoil this day. You know I have been looking forward to this for a long time. And every time you preface a conversation with, “I have something to tell you.” I know I’m not going to like it. Can you just spare me the drama today? Let’s just have a nice day, can’t we?”

“I’m sorry Gregory. I’ve tried to tell you how I’ve been feeling many, many times. You just refuse to listen to me. So no, it can’t wait. I’m leaving you, Gregory. Today. This is our last meal together. I’m unhappy. I don’t want to be a cheerleader for you anymore. I care about you, I admire your intelligence, creativity, and ambition. But I have the desire to succeed and grow too. And there just doesn’t seem to be enough space in your life for me to do that.”

“What are you talking about? I never tried to stop you from anything you wanted to do, Christine.”

“Yes, you have Gregory. It’s not blatant. You didn’t say, No, I forbid you to do this or that. But you did discourage me from going back to get my Master’s degree. Because it was inconvenient timing. When I wanted to go to Europe for six months after I graduated. You said maybe later.”

“I never said no, I just said later, Christine.”

“Gregory, later never comes. I have all my belongings packed, I’ve rented a small apartment off-campus, I got a part-time job, and I’m going to get my Masters and my Ph.D. I don’t need your help. I’m sorry I’ll be missing your big dinner, but I’m sure you’ll have all the attention from your groupies that will more than make up for me not cheering you on. Although Gregory, I do wish you all the success in the world. Take care, Gregory. I’m going to be leaving now.”

And that’s when I noticed the expression on Gregory’s face changed from annoyance to anger. I never saw that expression on his face before. I hardly recognize him. He didn’t say another word to me. He just stared at me with what I can only say looked like hatred. I think it was the first time Gregory didn’t get what he wanted.

I moved into my apartment. I think it is what people called an efficiency apartment. In that, it was really just one big room with a tiny kitchen, a living room space, and an area next to the kitchen where I put my bed and bedside table. And there was a tiny bathroom with a shower, toilet, and sink. There was only one small closet. So, I had to leave most of my out-of-season clothing in storage. But it was mine, all mine. No one to tell where everything should be and what looked right and what didn’t. I loved every inch of that apartment because it was mine.

For the first several days, I didn’t hear from Gregory. Nothing. Nothing at all. I thought good, he is going to act like a grown man this time. He is just accepting that things have changed and moved on with his life, no drama, no theatrics.

But then, little things started happening. I didn’t think too much about it at the time. I just thought, “well, that’s weird.” And then I forgot about it. I received several hang-up calls on my cell phone. But I didn’t recognize the phone number. But that happens to everyone at one time or another, hang-ups.

Then about two weeks later, I started having accidents. I was going down the two flights of steps from my apartment to the street, and the steps were oddly slippery. The first time I fell down about six steps before I was able to grab the banister and stop myself from falling down all the way. I got up and quickly looked around because I thought someone might have seen me fall.

And then the next time I fell, it was because the banister came off in my hands when I went to grab it after I slipped on the steps. Not only did I fall down the flight of steps, but I nearly clobbered myself in the head when I made a grab for the banister and nearly hit myself in the head. After I managed to get myself up off the floor and dust myself off, I examined the banister it had been neatly sawed in two places and then put back in place. It was deliberate.

I called up the manager of the apartment building, and he apologizes and said he has no idea how such a thing could happen, but he’ll send the maintenance guy over to repair it today. And when I arrive home later that day, it had been replaced. The next couple of weeks flew by without any unexpected occurrences. So, I just put it down to bad luck and forgot about it.

I was working part-time in a restaurant that Gregory and I used to frequent. I was lucky to get a job here because it was a high-end place, and the tips were generous. And then, one night, as I was clearing one of the tables in my section, I noticed that Gregory had just come into the restaurant with a young woman that was so beautiful that even I could not take my eyes off of her. She was well over six feet tall and had long blond hair down to the middle of her back. She was wearing a dress that barely covered her ass. Her legs seemed to go on forever, and the front neckline was so low you could almost see her belly button.

I said a little prayer that they wouldn’t sit in my section. But, unfortunately, they did. After they were seated, I walk towards their table with menus and plastered a smile on my face. I walk slowly over to their table. I hand them their menus, smiled at them, and said,” good evening, hello, Gregory. So nice to see you. Can I get you a beverage or a drink while you look at the menus?”

“Hello, Christine, so nice to see you. So, this is the dream job?”

“No, this is a job that pays the rent while I finish my Master’s. Are you ready to give me your order, or would you like some time to study the menus for a bit?” I look at him and wish I could smack the smirk off his face. I just smile. His date doesn’t react at all. She obviously doesn’t know who I was and why he brought her to this particular restaurant.

After they finish their dinner, I walk over to their table. Would you like to look at the dessert menu or have a refill on your coffees? Gregory said, “what would you like to recommend?”

“Well, the lemon cake is delicious. I know you would enjoy that. And there’s a Raspberry-lemon mouse that is to die for.”

“Camella, what would you like?”

“Oh, I don’t know; they both sound delicious. I’ll get whatever you are getting, Gregory.”

“Gregory looks up at Christine and says, “you heard her. We’ll have Lemon cake. It has always been my favorite. And two coffees too. That will be all.”

Christine put on her biggest smile and says, “I’ll be back in a few moments.”  And then she turns and walks away. There is no way she is going to let Gregory think he has the ability to upset her or make her jealous. She just doesn’t care one way or the other how he felt.

After Christine delivers the desserts, she says, “Can I get you anything else?”

“No, that will be all.” And he looks away from Christine and starts talking rapidly. His date’s eyes open wide with a surprised look on her face.

When Christine looks at the table, they had left. She finds a $5.00 tip on it. She picks it up and stuffs it in her apron pocket. Wow, he was really being a jerk.

About three weeks later, she receives a phone message. It sounds like an older man’s voice, and it seems familiar. “Good Morning. This is Dean Sheridan at Temple MS program of Science and Technology. I am trying to contact Christine Brown. Could you please call my office asap?”

Christine picks up the phone and looks at the phone number, and sees it was the Dean’s office. She calls him back and listens while the phone rings four times. She was about to hang up when finally, a male voice said,” Hello, this is Dean Sheridan. Can I help you?”

“Hello, Dean Sheridan. This is Christine Brown here, returning your call. What can I do for you?”

“Ms. Brown, I’m sorry, but I have some bad news for you. The benefactor that was providing the funding for the opening of the Master’s Program has pulled his funding. I’m so sorry. This happens sometimes. I’ve been trying to find contributions from some of our more generous alumni. But so far, no luck. I’m going to keep trying. However, I suggest you start applying to other universities asap, just in case. I’ll hand your call over to my assistant, and she will give you their contact information. Again, I’m so sorry to disappoint you. You would have been a great asset to our program. If you are able to secure funding somehow, please inform me. “

Christine felt crushed. She had worked so hard to get this far, and she couldn’t believe the rug was being pulled out from under her this late in the game. The classes were supposed to start in three weeks. It was too late to apply to other programs. She realizes she will have to start applying all over for next semester and seek scholarships or grants. There was no way she could afford it on a waitress’s pay. Maybe she could get a second job and save enough money to reapply next year. She feels a tear run down her cheek, but she quickly wipes it away. There is no way she’s going to start feeling sorry for herself. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, and she has a long road to travel before she reaches her goal.

About six months later, Christine receives a letter informing her that her building had been sold and she has to seek new housing and vacate her apartment by the end of the month. Christine just couldn’t believe the bad luck that had come her way in the last six months. It was so expensive to move and time-consuming. And she has to find another apartment that’s affordable. Which is no easy task. She calls all her friends to see if they know of any cheap apartments in the area. The last person she calls is her old friend, Sheila.

“Hello, Sheila, this is Christine. I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while, but I’ve been working 24/7, trying to save money for my MS classes. First, I lost my scholarship and grants and my place in Temple’s MS program. And today, I received a letter stating that I had three weeks to move out of my apartment. My building is being sold.  Anyway, I was wondering if you know of any cheaper apartments or even anyone looking for a roommate near Temple University? Oh, and how are you, my bad,”

“Hello Christine, yeah, I did hear through the grapevine that you really had a bad string of bad luck, I should have called, but you know how life gets in the way. No, I don’t know anyone, or any place for that matter. But why don’t you contact Gregory? His father owns a lot of residential property in the Temple University area near Broad Street. In fact, doesn’t he own the apartment building where your studio apartment is located?”

“What, I didn’t know that? Gregory never mentioned it. Oh, I knew they were wealthy. But I never really asked about where their money came from. It just didn’t interest me. I’ll have to look into that. Thanks for the info. I’ll let you know what happens. So, what have you been up to anyway?”

“Oh, same old, same old. I’m finishing up my dissertation. And after that, I’m taking a sabbatical and going to do some traveling before I start teaching. That is if all goes well with my dissertation.”

“Really, that’s amazing. I’m so proud of you. I know how hard you worked to get this far. You deserve every success.”

“Thank you, girlfriend. It’s been a long hard road, but I’m near the end. Please let me know if you find an apartment. You know you can count on me to help you move.”

After Christine hangs up, she starts thinking about the string of bad luck she had experienced in the last several months. And a lightbulb goes off in her head. It all started when she broke up with Gregory. And now she finds out that Gregory’s father owns the building she lives in. She decides to go to the library and find out if it was true that Gregory’s father owned her building. She didn’t want to believe that Gregory would be so mean-spirited as to cause her to become homeless.

After several hours of researching properties, she’s told by the librarian the best thing she can do is go to the county seat and look at their records to find out just who owned the apartment complex she lives in. And with the clerk’s help, she’s able to find out that it is Gregory’s father, Stewart Landers, does indeed own that building and several others in the Temple University area. Most of these are occupied by poor students who eke out a living as waiters and waitresses or nannies for rich people in the Society Hill area of Philadelphia.

Christine contacts Gregory’s father’s office and asks to speak to him. She identifies herself as a family friend. When He comes on the line, she says, “Hello, Mr. Landers. This is Christine Brown. I used to date your son, Gregory.”

“I know who you are, Ms. Brown. Gregory was brokenhearted when you broke up with him. We were all fond of you. And we hoped you and Gregory would marry. Mr. Landers, I’m sorry I hurt Gregory, but I wasn’t ready to get married. I wanted to finish school and get my MS. And then possibly go on to get my doctorate. And then I want to teach. I tried to tell you this to Gregory for a long time. But he didn’t want to hear about it.”

“Well, these things happen, and it looks like Gregory has moved on. He has been dating a beautiful young lady who just graduated at the top of her class from Sarah Lawrence. Perhaps a better fit than you two. No offense. So, what can I do for you? What’s this all about?

“I was just informed by my landlord that my building was being sold, and I had to move out.”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that. But what has that got to do with my family and me?”

“You own the building.”
“I do? Where is it?

“It is in downtown Philadelphia in the Temple University area. A great many students live there. I’m one of them, and I was just notified that I had to move out. It’s the Edge Student Village.”

“Oh, yes, that’s one of my buildings. I gave that building to Gregory as an investment for his future. He didn’t tell me he was going to sell it. I will contact him and see what I can do about this situation. Of course, if he already sold it, there isn’t much I can do about it. Of course, I could probably find other housing for you. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”

“I would appreciate that, and I’m really in a desperate situation I’m living day to day. I can’t really afford to move again so soon.”

Two days later, Gregory’s father calls Christine back and says, I talked to Gregory, and he said he hadn’t filed the final papers. He knew that was your building, and he wanted you to feel helpless. He thought you might come back to him if you had no place to go. I guess he is still in love with you.”

“Mr. Landers, if he really loved me, he wouldn’t have gone to such lengths to hurt me. He would want the best for me. He just wants to control me, and that is something I could never live with. I want Gregory to be happy, but I don’t think that, ultimately, we would have been happy together. We want completely different things in life.”

“Yes, I can see that. He is still a very young man and has a lot to learn about life yet. I’m sorry, he told me how angry he was at you and some other things he had done to get your attention. And for all of that, I apologize. Your building is not going to be sold. You can stay there until you are finished with your education. I hope you will forgive him and move on with your life. I have warned him to do the same.”

“Thank you so much for your help.”

“Good luck, young lady.”

Christine hangs up the phone with a sigh of relief. She fixes herself a cup of coffee and sits and down, and takes a deep breath. And at just that moment, the doorbell rings. Christine goes to the door and looks through the peephole, and sees an eye looking back at her. “Who’s there”

“I have a delivery for Christine Brown.”

Christine opens the door. And a young man stands there with a huge bouquet of long-stemmed yellow roses, her favorite. “Oh no”, she says.

She hands a dollar to the delivery man and takes the flowers. Inside there is a note that says, “All is forgiven. I’ll be over at 7:30 PM to take you out to eat at our favorite restaurant. Eternal love, Gregory.”

“Oh no, this is going to be much harder than I thought”,  she says out loud. And then she closes the door and locks the two locks and the chain.

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The Christmas Spirit

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Christmas time is here again. At my age, it seems difficult to summon up the Christmas spirit.

Maple Shade, NJ Christmas 1960’s

But when I was a child, it was a different story. I remember the days leading up to Christmas seemed to go by at a snail’s pace. I would ask my mother every day, “How many more days until Christmas, Mom?

She answered, “One less than when you asked me yesterday. Now, why don’t you go find something to do and keep yourself busy.”

If I kept bugging her, she would find something for me to do. “OK, Mom, I think I’ll take a walk. I’ll be back in a little while.”

I decided to walk downtown and look in the windows of the stores. We live in a little town in Southern New Jersey called Maple Shade. And all the stores are decorated for Christmas. We even have a Christmas parade. And Santa Clause takes a ride all over town in the fire truck. And he throws candy to all the kids lined up on the sidewalks. All my friends and I walked down the pike on Main Street to see it yesterday. We had such fun. It was cold outside, so we all wore our winter coats, hats, gloves, and snow boots. Because the day before yesterday, we got over a foot of snow.

As I walked down the street, I noticed that the repair shop had a TV in the window, and it was playing It’s A Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart. I’ve seen this story before, but all the same, I stand there and watch it for quite a while. Of course, I can’t hear the sound, but I know most of the dialogue anyway since I’ve seen it so many times. I decided to walk down to the Five & Dime Store to look at all the cool toys in the window. I asked Santa for a Barbie doll. I hope I get one.

The Christmas Lights along Main Street are beautiful. Of course, they look better when it’s dark out. The volunteer firemen drove up and down Main Street in their Fire Trucks and put up the lights and the Christmas Wreaths with big red bows on them the week before Thanksgiving. I watched them. The Rexall Drug Store is next to the Five & Dime Store. They have a display with a train set riding around on the train tracks, with little houses, churches, trees, and tiny little people walking around. There is even a little dog in the front yard of one of the little houses. At least, I think it’s a dog, but it’s hard to tell because it is so little. Above the houses, Santa is flying through the air with his reindeer, including Rudolph with his red nose. A little stream of smoke is coming out of the train engine’s smokestack. I wish we had one of those going around our tree.

I walk down to the bakery and look in their window. There are so many delicious-looking cakes in the window. My stomach starts growling loudly. My mother says I have a sweet tooth. I’m not sure what that means. But I do love candy and cake. I hope I get candy canes in my Christmas stockings and chocolate kisses with red and green foil wrapped around them. Oh, how I would love to have an éclair too. My mother is making a cake for Christmas. She is an excellent baker. I hope she makes a vanilla cake with shredded coconut on it. I do love coconut. I almost forgot that my mother makes a giant tin of Christmas cookies every Christmas. She puts the cookie dough in a cookie press, squeezes out these cookies in various shapes, and puts different colored sprinkles on them. I always find where she hides the cookie tin in the cellar, and I eat a whole bunch before Christmas.

Walking down Main Street, I see a police car approaching me. The car pulls over, and I hear the policeman calling my name and saying, “Merry Christmas, Susie.”

I walk over to the curb and see it is Mr. Lombardi, our next-door neighbor. He is a policeman in our town. “Merry Christmas, Officer Lombardi,” I scream at the top. And then he waves again and drives away.

I continue walking down the street, and I see a couple of kids from school. I hear them yelling, “Hey Susie, do you want to go and play behind the church?”

“Sure,” I say. When I caught up with them, I saw that they were my friends Helen and Ann Marie.

“What were you up to, Susie?”

“Nothing, just walking downtown and looking in all the store windows. What do you guys want to do?’

“We were just going behind the church and seeing who is playing in the snow. Are you getting anything good for Christmas, Susie?”

“I don’t know what I’ll get, but I asked for a Barbie doll and art supplies. How about you guys? What did you ask for Christmas?”

“I ask for two games, Operation and Twister. I love games, said Ann Marie. “

“I ask for an Easy-Bake oven. said Helen.”

“Oh, that sounds like fun.”

We rounded the corner at Main Street and Fellowship Road, and I said, “Let’s have a race to the pump house behind the church. Ready, set, go.”

And we all ran as fast as we could. And at the last minute, I slipped on an icy spot and fell flat on my back. Ann Marie and Helen approached me and said,” Are you alright?”

“Yes.” I manage to say, even though the wind knocked me out.

“Ok, then I bet I can beat you to the pump house Helen yells.” And before I even got up from the icy sidewalk, they ran to the pump house at top speed. I scramble up and start running as fast as I can. I was about to catch up with them when I heard them yelling, “We beat you; we beat you.”

All the same, I kept running, and before you knew it, I was scrambling up the side of the pump tower to the top along with them. There were many kids from Our Lady of Perpetual Help school and some of the public-school kids. And they were climbing hills of snow and sledding across the parking lot. We laughed hard, and the air was so cold I could hardly breathe. I don’t know how long I stayed out there. But I knew by the time I heard my mother yelling, “Susie, it’s time to come home. It was starting to get dark outside. What a day it was, what a day!

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EVERY ROSE GARDEN HAS ITS’ THORNS

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Masks by Robert P. Culver

Masks by Robert P. Culver

I wake up with a faint memory of a dream I had during the night. I close my eyes and try to recapture the dream. In my mind’s eye, I glimpse an image of my father’s rose garden. I can remember how red the roses were and the overpowering fragrance that lived in that garden when the roses were in full bloom.

My father passed away over thirty years ago. Although I don’t think of him every day. I think of him often. Of all the people in my life, as I grew up, he influenced me more than anyone else.

He was a highly intelligent man, who had read widely and had a large vocabulary. He held high standards for whatever he did to the point of being a perfectionist. I admit I too am a perfectionist and spent untold hours reading and learning and trying to understand life. He was a man of action. If something needed to be done, no ifs, ands, or buts he did it.

I’m an introspective person. Over the course of my lifetime, I have examined every inch of my psyche. I believe Socrates stated, “An unexamined life is one not worth living.”

Of course, that doesn’t mean that I don’t make mistakes. I do. But I rarely make the same mistake twice. However human nature being what it is there are unlimited mistakes waiting on the sidelines to be made by every one of us each day, myself included.

And this story is about what could have been one of those mistakes. It happened about twelve years ago. When I was still in the bloom of my youth. I’m not and have never been a beautiful woman. But even I admit that I have certain physical characteristics that attract the opposite sex. I have a ready smile and a friendly countenance. And I have a figure that draws attention wherever I go. Whether I’m looking for attention or not. Of course, that’s neither here nor there. I just thought you should know that I wasn’t always old.

I‘m standing in line at the bank. I’m a graphic artist and I work from home in my art studio. I also paint surreal paintings. That usually includes birds. But I’ve never tried to sell any of them. I become emotionally attached to them and only sell the prints of my work.

Anyway, I was standing there for quite a while since it was lunchtime and apparently, a great many people decided that today would be the day to make their deposits and withdrawals. Finally, I ‘m next in line when I hear a loud commotion behind me. Someone shouted,” Get down on the floor, everyone.”

I didn’t really pay any attention as I was developing an idea for my next painting. I heard someone say,” you too, honey.” And then I felt someone grab my shoulders roughly. I look up at the teller. I couldn’t help but notice that her eyes are open wide and look as big as silver dollars, and she’s sweating profusely.

The next thing I know I’m on the floor. “Keep your head down lady,”
“What the hell is going on?” I shout. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it is being manhandled. Or being told what to do for that matter. That’s why I am self-employed.

“Get your filthy hands off of me you neanderthal.”

“One more word out of you lady and you won’t have any teeth to chew with tomorrow.”
I decide my best choice at this moment is to sit down, stay down, and contemplate my next step. But I know before this day is done, I‘m going to make this thug regret the day he was born.

I hear another voice yell out,” alright, everyone keep your head down and your mouth shut. Do as your told and no one will get hurt.”

I look around as surreptitiously as I can. So that I won’t garner any attention from any of the robbers. I’m lying on the floor with my head resting on my folded arms. I slowly turn my head from side to side. I move my legs slightly until I can see to the right and the left and ultimately behind me. I can see that there are three robbers. The one who pushed me down, the one who was yelling and ordering everyone to get down, and the one at the door.

They’re all wearing carnival masks. You know the elaborate ones that people wear in New Orleans during the Mardi Gras. The husky guy that pushed me down to the floor is wearing a gold and black mask not unlike a harlequin mask. It has musical notes on the gold sections, and the guy at the tellers’ counter yelling out the orders is wearing a similar mask except it is more of a jester with a headpiece with gold bells on it. The robber at the door who I only caught a glimpse of is wearing a mask that looks like an ornate Renaissance bird mask.

For the first few minutes, my mind keeps telling me that this is some kind of elaborate hoax or even a joke. I mean it was all so absurd. And you know what else? It’s damn inconvenient. I have work to do at home. I don’t have time for this kind of melodramatic nonsense. I’m hoping any minute they will all burst out laughing and say,” just kidding folks, go back to what you were doing.”

I glance up and notice the teller, a middle-aged woman who probably has spent her entire working career, depositing checks and handing out small amounts of cash. She looks so terrified that she keeps dropping the stacks of money she’s handing over to the jester. I think she might just keel over and die of a heart attack any minute. The Jester screams at her, “move it lady, or I’ll hit you so hard sorry your mama will feel it.”

That’s when I said, “Hey, leave her alone, you bastard.” And the guy closest to me walks over and kicks me hard in the side. I think for a moment I might pass out. I can’t remember ever being hit so hard in my life.

Except for when I was young and my sister and I used to get into these fights that started out by calling each other names and ended up with us pinching, punching, and pulling hair out. The weird thing is I can never remember what we used to fight about all. We were just mad at each other all the time. We never told on each other to our parents because we knew our father would make us sorry if we did.

I just laid there for a while. I don’t really know how long. I kept my eyes tightly shut trying to pretend this all wasn’t happening. And then I start getting really mad. It feels like my blood is actually boiling and my head might just explode all over the room.

I know the smart thing to do is to just lie there and wait for them to get the money and leave. I’m wondering if the teller set off the silent alarm. My sister-in-law worked as a teller for years and she told me that the bank employees are always told to cooperate, and give up the money. Because money can be replaced but they couldn’t. They were advised never to do anything crazy.

Plus, the amount of money that is kept in the teller’s cash drawer at any one time is limited. The rest of the money and valuables are kept in the vault and the tellers don’t know the codes to open the safe.

Then the robber yells out, “Ok everybody on the floor, get up and get in a single file you’re going to move into that office over there. Don’t anybody try to be a hero. Unless you want to be a dead hero. Do what you’re told and this will all be over soon.”

As we all start getting into a line, the husky guy says, “Ok, everyone put your cell phones in this bag, don’t try anything funny. I have a gun, and I ain’t afraid to shoot you. Two of the older ladies standing there start crying along with a young mother who’s holding a baby in her arms. “Stop that racket right now, hand over your phones, and walk toward the office on the right. When you get there lie on the floor with your hands behind your back.”

The young mother with the baby says,” I can’t put my hands behind my back, I have to hold my baby. And she is going to start crying soon. Since it is past her time to be fed and she needs her diaper changed.”

“Alright, feed the baby but I don’t want to hear that baby of yours crying or I’m going to lock her in the safe before we leave. Do you understand?”

The young mother said, “yes.” And then she starts sobbing. I start to see red. No-one would look at me and think that I have a temper. I’m also soft-spoken and generous to a fault. But humans are complex creatures full of ambiguity. I can be open and loving in one moment and in the next if someone says something to me that is unfair or untruthful, I can go off like a bottle rocket. My anger isn’t long-lasting but while it’s hot, it’s powerful and out of control.

“What the hell do you think you are doing intimidating a young mother with a baby? You low-life creatine.”

The next thing I know he’s looming over me like the sword of Damocles ready to chop my head off. He leans down to smack me and I grab both his ankles and yank as hard as I can. And he comes down like a tree after a chainsaw hits it. His head hits the floor hard and he stops moving altogether. His mask flies off. He looks like he is middle-aged. He has pock scars from a really bad case of acne and he is missing several of his front teeth. I check and he’s still breathing. His breath smells like something died in there recently.

Everyone in the room gasps. One of the men whispers,”. Have you lost your mind? They are going to come in here and shoot all of us.”

“Did you expect me to just stand there and let this pig hit me or worse? Would you let him beat you up without fighting back? Huh? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

I quickly glance out the office windows and I don’t see the other two robbers immediately. And then I see them standing next to the safe with the manager.” No, they’re busy trying to get the safe open. Any of you men have a belt on? If you do bring them over here and we can restrain this guy. Two of the men bring over their belts. The larger of the two men pull off his belt and pulls the robber’s arms behind his back and wraps the belts around the robber’s wrists and then around his waist. The other guy puts his belt around the robber’s ankles.

I whisper, “anybody have any cloth to shove in the bastard’s mouth?”

The baby’s mother, says, “Hey, you can use my babies’ blanket.”
I consider shoving the blanket down the guy’s throat. But at the last moment reconsider and I end up just wrapping the baby blanket around his head twice and then tying it in a big knot behind his head. I’m fairly certain he won’t suffocate.

“Ok, we have to shove this guy over next to the wall so if the other two looks in here they won’t notice their buddy is knocked out on the floor right away.”

“And then what are we going to do when the other two wise up and start wondering what happened to this guy here?”

“Well, that’s a good question. I will have to contemplate that for a few moments. But if they do come in here. I will cop to the whole thing and tell them none of you had anything to do with it.”

“Oh yeah, because you look like you could take a fat guy like this down all by yourself.”
A man in a grey suit said, “OK, that’s enough arguing let’s just figure out what we are going to do. We can’t undo what’s been done already. Any ideas?”

“Do any of you have any weapons or know any martial arts?”

There was a deafening silence. And then I said, “So, we have no weapons, but we do outnumber them. I just counted and we have seventeen people and there are only two of them out there. We are also at an advantage because we’re smarter than they are. Let’s face it if they were better at life, they wouldn’t be robbers. They would be bank presidents and lawyers and politicians.”

“We can distract them. We can all start making a ruckus and when one of them comes in to investigate what’s happening, we take him down the same way. While he is trying to figure out what is going on, we rush him all at once.”

“That sounds like an opportunity to get someone killed if you ask me. Another man said. What’s stopping him from killing one of us?”

“Well for one thing we don’t even know that they have guns, do we? In fact, I’m positive they don’t or they would have shown them right off the bat, just to intimidate us.”

A young man with pink hair suddenly spoke up,” you know she’s right they would have shown us at the get-go if they had weapons. Let’s all starting yelling and screaming until one or both of them come in here to investigate and swarm them. Well, maybe not all of us. None of the older people, or the lady with the baby.”

And then I said, “I’ll start yelling at the top of my lungs one of them will come over and tell us to shut up and we gang up on him and beat him down. Anyone else have a belt so we can restrain him? And the last guy is going to run because he can’t stop all of us.”

A middle-aged man said, “I think the better course would be to just stay in here and be quiet, and eventually they will get want they want and leave.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, what about this guy here. Won’t they wonder what happened to him?”

“You know it’s weird that one of them hasn’t come over to see what happened to this guy?
“Well, you know there’s no honor among thieves. Come on, let’s start screaming like bloody murder. Most likely the next guy that comes over here is going to take a look in here before he comes through that door. So, let’s be ready to jump him when he comes in, get him down to the floor, and restrain him. Anybody that has a belt get it out and be ready to hold him down. Then we keep making a racket until the other robber freaks out and takes off. Most likely they have some money by now and he’ll just take off. On the count of three everybody starts screaming like we’re being murdered.”

“One, two, three scream.”

And then we all screamed so loud that we all got freaked out and screamed even louder. No one came to the door. I looked out the window and I couldn’t see the robbers at all. But I did see the police pulling up to the curb. “I yelled the police are here, the police are here. And then I started banging on the door. “Let us out. Let us out. We’re in here.”

About a minute later, a cop opened the door. We were still standing there in front of the unconscious robber. He just stared at us for a moment, and said, “Is everyone alright? Where is the other robber?”

We stepped aside and he looked down at the body. “Is he dead? What’s been going on in here?”

“No, he’s unconscious. He kicked me because I told him to stop threatening the young mother with the baby. So, I pulled him down and we restrained him with belts.”

“That was dangerous. What would you have done, if he had a gun?” Said the police officer.

“Well, he didn’t. Did he?”

“You didn’t know that.”

“Well, logic told me, they didn’t. Or they would have shown the guns when they walked in and start threatening everyone. Plus, there are seventeen of us and only three of them.”

The cop looked at me with a smirk on his face and said, “well, you were all lucky this time, next time you might not be that lucky.”

“I sure as hell hope we never have to be robbed again to prove your point. Can we get out of here now or what?”

“Yes, you can get out of here but you’re all going to have to give statements before you leave.”
Everyone in the room moaned at the same time. “Can’t we do this another time?” No, you have to do it now before you forget all the details. You can do it here or you can come downtown to the police precinct and fill out a report there. It’s up to you.”

And that’s when we all started filing one by one out of the office, mumbling, and complaining. “A young officer came over and said, “who wants to go first?”

I said, “I do.” One of the middle-aged men said, “well, that figures.”

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The Letter

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It had been six long years since I heard from my brother. Although to be honest I was the one that moved away not him. But still, he never attempted to contact me. I have always been a letter writer. I prefer writing to calling people because it is easier for me to share my deeper feelings with words on paper rather than on the phone.

Empty Envelope

I‘ve written to him numerous times over those six years and sent an array of birthday cards and Christmas cards. There wasn’t any response from him none at all.

I decided to write a note to my mother and ask her to ask my brother to write to me. She asked him, and he said he would and finally he did. Unfortunately, when I received the “letter” there was only an empty envelope and no letter. Apparently, he forgot to seal the letter or forgot to put the letter in the envelope and seal it.

The day I received the letter I happened to be looking out the front window of my apartment and notice that the mailman was in the process of putting mail in the mailboxes. I watched him as he walked away and then I took the steps two at a time down the stairs from my second-floor apartment. I pulled out the mail and I thought at first it was just more bills. But then I noticed a hand-written legal envelope. And I immediately recognized my brother’s address. I was so happy I couldn’t wait to get upstairs fast enough to my apartment to open it.

The disappointment I felt when I opened the envelope and realized it was empty was profound. Immediately, I felt a tear spring to my eyes. It just felt like a slap in the face. And it reinforced the feeling that I always held that my brother just didn’t care about me at all, not now, not ever. And that he didn’t like me.

The only other correspondence I received from him before was a birthday card when I turned twenty-one. On the front of the card was the legend, “Your parents didn’t know what true happiness was until you were born. And, on the inside, it said, “And then it was too late.” I never forgot what that card said and the effect it had on my self-worth and self-esteem was devastating.

My brother had a sarcastic sense of humor and I suppose he picked that card for me because he thought it was funny. But I did not. It just reinforced to me that my brother did not care about me or how I felt. It felt like a knife driven directly to my heart.

Please don’t tell me that I was being too sensitive. My brother knew that I was a sensitive person and yet he sent me that card. Actions and words have a power that can build you up or they can burn you to the ground.

Anyway, the day I received the empty envelope I called my mother and told her that I got an envelope from my brother but no letter. She must have spoken to my brother about it because a few weeks later I did receive a short letter from my brother. He stated that he had no idea what happened to the original letter and that he had looked all over for it and couldn’t find it. And so, this letter was going to be abbreviated because he was busy with his work and his family responsibilities.

He told me how his kids were doing, and how he and his wife had enjoyed their latest vacation. And he talked about his work. And then he went on to talk about our parents and other family members. He wished me luck and said that hopefully someday I would move back home or at least closer.

There was nothing I could really put my finger on and say he should have said this or he should have said that. But still, whatever it was that I needed to hear from him I didn’t hear it.

I can only speak from my perspective and speculate about how my brother felt about me. He never talked to me at length about anything. When I moved out of state, I was twenty-one and he was forty. We didn’t grow up together. By the time I came into the picture, he was a grown man. He joined the military, not by choice but because he was called up to serve. And then after he returned home, he went to college and later moved out of the country to study for his Ph.D. So, we did not share the usual experiences that siblings share.

But I can remember from a very young age of being in awe of my big brother. He was everything that I would hope to be in life. Someone who was a success, who set goals for his life and achieved them. He was a husband, father, and professional that was making a difference in people’s lives.

I used to brag about my brother to anyone and everyone that would listen. I thought he was the smartest person I knew.

When I finally moved back to my home state after seven years, I realized that living closer wasn’t going to magically bring me closer to my siblings including my brother. I made every effort to see them as often as they allowed which was usually on holidays. I also realized that if I was going to see them then I was the one who was going to have to go visit them, they wouldn’t be visiting me.

By the time I moved back home I was married. My husband and I stayed with my parents at my childhood home for about eight months and then we bought a small house in a neighboring town. We lived there for almost fourteen years. My brother came over twice in those years. We saw each other at family gatherings at Christmas, Fourth of July picnics, baptisms, and weddings and funerals.

It’s not as if there was any kind of animosity between us. We had never an argument or disagreement. It was more like we were strangers that occasionally met over the years at parties but never really got to know one another.

And now the years have flown by quickly. We had children and moved to a bigger home that we renovated. My brother came and looked at our house right after we moved into it and then about fifteen years later we held a family Thanksgiving and my whole extended family came including my brother came.

And my children grew up as children do. My husband and I retired and moved to another state. My brother seemed angry at me when we moved away and he stayed angry. Every time I called him, he asked me,” Are you still happy with your decision to move away? Are you finding what you were looking for? I would respond we moved here because it is less expensive to live here and the housing and taxes are cheaper. Otherwise, my husband and I couldn’t have afforded to retire at all. It was a difficult decision for me to move away from my extended family and one of my daughters. But it was a necessary one for us.

My sister-in-law passed away and my brother told me not to come to the funereal. I kept calling my brother and he persisted in telling me not to call him anymore. He said he would call me when he wanted to talk to me. And the last time I called him, he told me he never wanted to speak to me again. Five days later he passed away. To say I was heartbroken is to minimize the emptiness and heartache I felt and still feel.

I will never have the opportunity to talk to him and tell him how much I loved him all my life. And how much I admired him and looked up to him since I was a young child. I will never see his face again except in family photos.

It will be three years next April since he passed. I do not think about him every day as I did right after our last conversation. But sometimes at night when I can’t fall asleep, I think about him and wish that we had a closer relationship that many people have with their family members.

I will always miss my brother. I am still proud of all his accomplishments and all the people he treated in his practice. He was an intelligent man and a funny one. I can’t speak to his other relationships but I do wish he had made a space in his heart where I could have fit.

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EMILY

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`Emily is a quiet child, who keeps to herself. She has a vivid imagination. She rarely shares her thoughts and dreams with anyone including her family. Who consider Emily to be shy and awkward and silent. When they ask a question Emily will nod or shake her head, if pressed for a better response she will answer, “No, Mom or no, Dad. She ignores her sibling’s questions all together.

Emily spends her time reading books that she borrows from the library. And when she’s reading a book, she is so immersed in the stories that she reads that she will often take on the persona of the main character or the character that reminds Emily of herself.

Her parents understand that Emily is a shy and lonely child who lives in her imagination and in the books she reads. Her siblings just think she is weird and awkward and either ignore her or complain about her. “Mom, she is being weird again. Come look at her.” Says Carol, one of Emily’s older sister’s “Mom, come here.”

When Emily’s mother goes into the kitchen, she looks all around and doesn’t see Emily. “Emily, Emily, where are you? Are you hiding?” And then from under the kitchen table, Emily’s mother hears what for all the world sounds like barking. “What’s that noise?”

“Mom, that’s Emily she’s under the table, barking.”

“What?” And then Emily’s mother looks under the kitchen table and sure enough, there’s Emily under the table in her pajamas. “Emily come out from under there right now.” Then she hears another bark. “Now, Emily.”

Emily slowly emerges from under the kitchen table. But she’s on all fours. She’s wearing her flannel winter pajamas. But attached to the back of the pajamas is a tail of some sort. Emily’s mother tries to suppress a smile, but just can’t. She just never knows what this child will do. It was always something harmless. But her older children were so different from this one. This child is the wild child, creative, imaginative, always pretending she is something other than herself.

“Emily, what are you up to today?”

“Nothing Mom I was just pretending to be a dog.”

“Oh, is that so? For any reason in particular?”

“Well, I was reading a book about dogs. And I just got to thinking about how great dogs are and how much I love them. And mom more than anything I really want to get a dog.”

“A dog Emily, oh I don’t know about that. We will have to talk to your father about that. I’ll ask him about it when he gets home from work. If he says no, then that will be the end of the discussion. You understand, that, right? If Dad says no, then it’s no. He never changes his mind.”

“OK, Mom. If Dad says no, then no more discussion.”

Emily isn’t worried about her father saying no at all. Because one time when her Daddy was talking to her he told her that more than anything when he was growing up, he wanted to have a dog. But, he couldn’t because he grew up in an orphanage and they didn’t allow dogs there. So, Emily was absolutely positive that he would love to have a dog.

Emily watches out the front kitchen window for her father to come home. Her mother is standing at the stove and preparing dinner. Tonight, it’s stew. Emily just loves stew especially when her mother made a crust to put on the top of the pot and then cooked it in the oven. It smells delicious. She keeps saying, “Mom, why is dad getting home so late?”

“Emily he’s not late your just anxious. Whatever you do, don’t start nagging your father the moment he walks through the door. Sometimes he’s in a bad mood when he gets home. He works hard and then he has a long drive home. So just say hello, and leave the rest up to me. Do you understand?”

“Yeah, I understand, don’t bug him. I won’t. I’ll just say hello and then go upstairs to my room.”

“Good, do that. Oh, here comes your father now. Remember what I said.”

As Emily’s father came through the door, she yelled out loudly, “Hi Daddy, how are you?”

Emily’s father looked over at his wife and said, “Ok, what’s up?”

Emily’s mother gave her “the look” and Emily said, “see you later dad” And she flew up the steps.

“Ok, what’s going on?”

“First you have to promise not to go off the deep end. “

“Ok, I’m listening.”

“Emily wants to get a dog.”

“A dog. Why?”

“I guess she gets lonely. And she said that one time you told her that when you were growing up you really wished you could get a dog.”

“Well, I guess I did say that a time or two. Let me think about it overnight and I‘ll let you know tomorrow morning.”

The next morning Emily is back under the table barking at everyone that came through the doorway into the kitchen. Finally, Emily’s older sister Jacqueline comes into her mother and father’s room and said,” Mom, Emily’s acting weird again, barking from under the kitchen table at everyone that comes into the kitchen. Mom, why is she so weird?”
“Jacqueline, do not call your sister a name. Families stick together. They do not call each other hurtful names. Do you understand? You should know better by now. Do you understand now?”

“Ok Mom, but could you at least talk to her and tell her not to bark at my friends when they come over this afternoon?”

“Yes, Jacqueline I can do that. Dad and I have decided that we are going to get Emily a dog to keep her company. And that should keep her busy. But keep in mind Jacqueline that the most creative and intelligent people are usually a little different than other people. And also, Emily is still a little girl. So, don’t expect her to act as you do. You are ten years older than her. “

“Ok, but I’m not taking care of any dog. So, Emily will have to understand it is her dog and she is responsible for it.”

“No one said it was your responsibility Jacqueline, calm down.”

“Alright, Mother, if you say so.”

Later that day after Emily comes home from school her mother calls her into the kitchen. “Emily please come downstairs for a moment please.”

Emily screams out as loud as she could, “Ok, Mom I’ll be right down.”

Then Emily flies down the steps two at a time and runs into the kitchen. “What did he say, Mom? What did he say?”

“Calm down Emily. He said yes.”

“Really, really I can’t believe it. It’s a miracle. He never says yes about anything.”

“Well, he said yes today, and on Saturday morning we are going to go to the Animal Shelter and pick out a dog for you.”

Emily runs over to her mother and practically throws herself at her mother with such force that the two of them almost topple down. “Emily, for crying out loud are you trying to kill the two of us.”

“Sorry Mom, I’m just so happy. I can’t believe it. This is the best thing that ever happened to me in my whole life. It’s a miracle.”

“Well, I don’t know about a miracle but just remember this dog is going to be your total responsibility. You have to take him for walks, clean up his messes, play with him. He will be your dog. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mom, I do and I will take care of him. I promise.”

Emily is so excited about getting a dog that she couldn’t fall asleep until three o’clock in the morning. Her mother has to wake her up at ten o’clock the next day. “Emily, I thought you would be up at the crack of dawn. Get up your father is waiting for you.”

“Oh, no. I’ll be right down. Tell dad to wait for me, Mom.”

“Emily, he’s not going to leave without you.”

Emily throws on her clothes and all but flew down the steps. “I’m here Dad, I’m here. Let’s go.”

“Alright, Emily, calm down already.”

Emily asks her father ten times if they’re almost there yet. He finally says, Emily if you say that one more time we’re going to go home.”

“Sorry, I’m just excited I’ll be quiet.”

As they pull into the parking lot at the shelter Emily can hear a lot of dogs barking excitedly. “We’re here, we’re here daddy. Stop, stop.”

“I have stopped Emily, calm down or we’re not going in there.”

“Ok, I’m calm, I’m calm. Let’s go. “

As they enter the shelter the barking gets louder and louder. Emily’s father steps up to the counter he says, “Hello, my name is Harry Rice. I called yesterday about finding a dog for my daughter.”

“Of course, Mr. Rice I remember I was the one who talked to you. And is this the lucky young lady who’s getting a new best friend?’

“Yes, yes I am how did you know?”

Because your dad called yesterday and talked to me about it. Let’s go have a look shall we.”

As they step through the second set of doors the noise is deafening. There’s a line of kennels each one holding a different dog. They start walking past all the dogs.

“Wait, where are you going, I wanted to pick out a dog.”
“Well, we are going to look at the puppies. You want a puppy, don’t you?”

“No, no I want a grown-up dog. I want to meet the dog that has been here the longest, the one that really wants a family and needs one now, not later. That’s the dog I want.”

“Emily, are you sure you don’t want a puppy?”

“Yes, Daddy I want a grown-up dog.”
“Alright, then let’s go meet your new dog young lady.   They walk to the far end of the kennels and at the back of the kennel is a dog that looks so sad, so forlorn that Emily starts crying. “Oh, Daddy that’s my dog that’s him. Oh, I love him let’s get him out of that cage now.”

The shelter attendant looks at Emily’s father and says, “Really, that’s wonderful. This dog’s name is Rudy and he’s been here for almost eight months. His family had to give him up when they had to move to another state because the father lost his job. He’s my favorite dog in here. I just know he will be happy with you Emily. Let’s see if I can coax him out of the cage. She opens the gate and calls him, “Rudy, come on out. This is Emily and she’s going to be your new best friend.”

Emily sits down on the floor outside the cage and whispers “Rudy, Rudy, Rudy.” He looks up with sad eyes and when he sees Emily on the other side of the cage, he slowly moves closer to the door. And when he gets close enough to Emily, she puts her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly. “Hi Rudy, hi Rudy, I love you. Let’s go home, Rudy.”

Emily’s father looks down at his little girl and says “Well it looks like this is our new dog. Come on Rudy, let’s go home.”

And Emily yells out, “thank you, daddy, thank you so much. I promise I will take care of him for the rest of his life.

And she did. She loved that dog with all her heart for the rest of his days. They became each other’s best friends.

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