Monthly Archives: March 2022

SURPRISE PACKAGE

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I was taking a shower when I heard the front doorbell ringing over and over. Whoever was at the door was persistent, to say the least. And there was no way I was going to throw a towel on and run down to answer the door. More than likely it was the Jehovah’s witnesses again. This would make their third visit in the last month. And I had already informed them that I was just not interested. 

I finally gave in and throw on my robe and slippers and run down the steps to see who was at the door. It sure as hell better be important or I was going to give them a piece of my mind.

I arrive dripping wet with a towel wrapped around my still soapy hair and wearing my ratty chenille robe that I’ve had since I was twenty. As I got to the door I see a delivery person with his back to the door and heading towards his vehicle that was illegally parked on my front curb. I yell at the top of my voice, “Hey buddy, hey buddy I’ll take the package I was in the middle of taking a shower.”

He turns around and sprints up to me. “Sorry for ringing the bell so much but this is the third time I came out here to deliver this package and it requires a signature. So, it must be something important.”

“Well, I’m sorry but I’m rarely home during the week. I’m a sales rep and I spend most of my time on the road visiting customers. So, I feel your pain. Sometimes I drive several hours just to find my customer isn’t in the office. Even though I had scheduled an appointment to see them at a specific day and time.”

He sighs, and says, “if you could please just sign this and I’ll be on my way. I’m going to be getting finished late again and my wife is going to be really pissed at me for being late again.”

“Sure, I hope the rest of your day goes well.” I sign the form and grab the package and he double-timed it to his truck. I think what a boring job. But then I think about it and realize that my job isn’t all that thrilling or interesting. And we all gotta do what we gotta do.

As I’m stepping back inside my front door and my robe flies open and my neighbor, Jeffrey gets flashed. He waves at me with a big smile on his face. He probably thinks I did it on purpose. I will never be able to look him in the face again. I think dear god, I can see this is going to be the day from hell.

When I get into the living room I put the package on the coffee table and decide I better get myself in gear or I‘m really going to be in hot water for being late. And we’re having our semi-annual sales rep meeting. People have been fired for much less. I fly up the stairs and into the bathroom and rinse the shampoo out of my hair and towel off. I blow-dry my hair and threw my clothes on. I grab my shoes and jacket and briefcase and out the door to my car and I‘m on my way.

The rest of the day goes by in a blink of an eye with one meeting after another. And by the time I arrive home I‘m exhausted and decide the package can wait until Saturday when I‘m off from work.

It was a rough week, but somehow I made it through. I got home late on Friday and fall into bed at 9:30 PM. The following morning I woke up with the nagging feeling that I had forgotten something important. I can’t put my finger on it. And then while taking my shower it comes to me. The package, the package I forgot all about it. After I towel off I throw my clothes on that I wear when I’m going to work in my garden. I double-timed it down the steps.

I grab the package and shake it. It sounds like something small is in there and fabric or clothes are muffling the sound of whatever else is in there. I try guessing what it is. I look at the return address. It’s from my parent’s lawyers. My parents passed away suddenly last year when they were involved in a multiple-vehicle accident on the New Jersey turnpike.

As soon as I realize it must have belonged to my parents I start to cry and choke up. The sudden loss of my parents was devastating. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. My parents were only in their early sixties and had just retired and were looking forward to many more years together. And now I had no living relatives left in the world. I never married and didn’t have any children. Every morning since I found out about my parent’s deaths I wake up and think how I’m an orphan and I don’t have single-loved ones in the world.

I sit there for ten minutes until I gather the courage to open up the box and look at the contents. I can’t imagine what it could be since their lawyer had said their estate was settled. I wondered why he didn’t call me and let me know there was some kind of outstanding business. And then I remember he had called me at home and on my cell and left me several messages asking me to return his call. I ignored the calls because I didn’t want to reopen that wound again. I couldn’t bear any further bad news.

I stare at the box and shake it again. And then I gather my courage and tear off the brown paper and open the box. I hold my breath and take out a letter which surprisingly bares my name in my mother’s handwriting. It says, Dear Angela if you are reading this letter it means that I am no longer living. I want you to know how much I love you and always have.

I should have told you about this a long, long time ago. When I was quite young about nineteen years old I fell pregnant. This was before I met your father. My parents were extremely strict and I was afraid to tell them I was going to have a baby. The father of the child was someone I met after I graduated from high school. He was drafted into the military. This was during the Viet Nam War. He was only twenty-two years old. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until after he left. I was devastated by his death. I didn’t know what to do. My parents figured out I was pregnant but it was too late to get an abortion. So, my parents took me to a place where young pregnant girls stayed until their babies were born and then they were put up for adoption.

I was told I would not be allowed to see my baby again. I had a difficult delivery and was heavily sedated during the birth by cesarean. I tried to move on after that since I really wasn’t given the choice of keeping the baby. About five years later I met your father and a year later we had you. I never told your father that I had a baby and gave him up for adoption. I was ashamed of getting pregnant and of giving the baby away.

After we had you I tried not to think of my first child. But he was in the back of my mind my whole life. I never really got over it. About five years ago I hired someone to find out where my son was living. It took about six months but I finally found that he was living in Philadelphia only about forty-five minutes from where we lived. I still didn’t tell your father. I know I should have told you both. But, what can I say I was a coward. I didn’t want you to think badly of me.

I left this letter with our lawyer and told him to give it to you if anything ever happened to me and I passed away. I have enclosed the address of your brother, who was named Joseph. His parents’ names are Helen and Robert McElliot. Your brother is six years older than you. I hope you will contact your brother and have the opportunity to get to know him. Since you have no other family. I know you will probably be angry with me, but I hope someday you will forgive me. All my love, Mom.

I read the letter over and over. I was having a difficult time comprehending the fact that my mother had this secret all of her adult life and never told anyone except her parents. Who also kept the secret. It was incomprehensible. I didn’t know if I was angry at my mother or not. I wish she had told me long ago. But she didn’t and the past can not be undone. But I knew one thing for sure. I was going to find my brother and contact him. I hoped with all my heart that he will want to meet me.

The rest of the day I kept picking up the phone and then putting it down. I couldn’t decide whether I should contact him by phone or just show up in person. But then I realized that I could probably find him on the internet. And then maybe I could get a better idea of what was the best way to get in touch with him. And sure enough, I found him and he only lived about forty-five minutes from my house. He was married and had a young child. I couldn’t believe it I had a brother, a niece or nephew, and a sister-in-law. I have a family. I wasn’t alone in the world anymore. This turned out to be the best day of my life.

And then I started wondering if he knew he was adopted. If he did, would he even want to meet me? I decided there was only one way to find out, and that was to get in touch with him. I found out he worked at a business that just so happened to be one of my company’s buyers. I decided that I was going to call his company and set up an appointment with Joseph McElliot as soon as possible.

I made an appointment for this coming Friday morning at 11:00 AM. I could hardly sleep the whole week. I couldn’t think about anything else. I wake up in the middle of the night and never get back to sleep. I took the whole day off. I waited outside his office until his office manager called me in. “Come right in, won’t you? Mr. McElliot this is Ms. Angela Brown.

“Hello, Ms. Brown what can I do for you?’

“Well, first I have to tell you that I came here under false pretenses. I do work for the company but I came here for personal reasons. I would like to show you some documents first and then I’ll explain why I’m here.“ I hand him the letter and documents my mother had given me.

Mr. McElliot looks over the documents. And then he sits back in his seat and takes a deep breath. “Well, this is certainly somewhat of a shock. I thought about searching for my birth parents for years. But I never did it. My parents, that is my adoptive parents were wonderful people. I’m sorry I didn’t pursue it now. I should have. Now I’ll never meet my birth mother. On the other hand, I was an only child since my adoptive parents weren’t able to have children of their own. And now I find out the wonderful news that I have a sister.”

Angela sighs in relief, she had been holding her breath the whole time he looked over her mother’s letter and the documents she had left Angela. “Really, oh I’m so happy to hear that. I don’t have any family left now since my parents passed away. Our mother was such a caring and loving person. I wish you had gotten to know her. You know you bear a striking resemblance to her. Would you mind if I gave you a hug? This is one of the most amazing days of my life. I’d love to take you out for lunch or dinner sometime soon. “

“I think that I’ll give my wife a call and tell her all about this. And you should come to dinner at my house and meet my wife and child. Because now you’re a member of my family and you’ll always be welcome there. What do you say?”

“I say unequivocally, yes, yes, yes.” And then the siblings give each other a warm embrace. And Robert says,”why are you crying, Angela? Surely this is a happy event?”

“Yes, one of the happiest. I will never forget it.”

“I hope that we‘ll create many happy memories in the future. Life has a way of coming up and surprising us when we least expect it, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it surely does, Robert. It really does.”

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BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

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All my life, I’ve tried to do the right thing. I’ve worked hard. In fact, I’ve never missed a single day’s work. And yet here I am in debt up to my eyeballs. Why, you may ask? Well, the fact of the matter is that my wife has an addiction. No, not a drug addiction.

She has an addiction to plastic surgery. It all started when someone jokingly mentioned to my wife that she shouldn’t put her chin down because she had a double chin. For the first couple of weeks, I caught her staring at her reflection in the mirror at her profile. And then, one day she came home from work, she informed me that she was getting a facelift.

I said, “What for Pamela? There’s nothing wrong with your face. I love your face the way it is. Please don’t.” 

I went on a business trip, and when I came back, Pamela’s neck and chin were wrapped in bandages. I stared at her for several minutes without saying a word. And then I all but screamed, “what have you done to yourself, Pamela?”

“What do you think? I got a facelift. And I think I’m going to get my nose done too and I’m going to have injections in my lips. My lips are too thin. I’ve always been self-conscious about it. My nose has a big bump in the middle. It’s awful. As soon as my face is healed, I’m getting my nose done. There’s no discussion. I already made the appointment.” And then she went into the living room and turned the TV on loud. She didn’t say another word for the rest of the day. I didn’t know what to say to change her mind. I went upstairs to our bedroom and unpacked my things. And sit down on the side of the bed. I really had no clue what to do. I was afraid of what would happen next.

The month went by before I knew it. I kept telling Pam, “I love you just the way you. Please don’t get the nose job done. But the following week, when I came home from an overnight work trip, she had a bandage across her nose, and her eyes were black and blue. It looked like she had been in a fight and came out the looser. I said, are you alright, Pam? Are you in a lot of pain? Please, please tell me you’re done now?”

” She said,’ I’m fine. Don’t fuss, Tom.”

When she finally had the bandages off and the swelling went down, I saw her nose looked utterly different. I was shocked. Not only did she have the bump on her nose removed, but her nose also looked narrower, and the tip of her nose was now turned up. I gasped when I saw it. “Pamela, you’re nose looks completely different. What did you do?”

“Well, the doctored suggested that my nose was too broad for my face. And perhaps I should consider getting it narrowed. And then I said, “yes, you’re right, it‘s really wide. And you know what? I always wanted to have my nose tipped up. And voila, I have the nose I’ve always wanted. Do you have a problem with it?”

I stared at her with my mouth opened. ” Problem? Yes, I have a problem you don’t even look like my wife anymore. Are you done now? Please tell me you’re done? I loved you the way you were. Please, please stop.

But she didn’t stop. I became reluctant to go on business trips. I obsessively checked her phone and calendar to see if she had scheduled a new surgery. I didn’t know what she might do to herself while I was away on business. I received a warning from my boss. I worked in the marketing department. Business trips are a part of your job. He said, “either do your job or start looking for another job.”

I didn’t have a choice. And I found that I was going on more business trips than ever. And sure enough, every couple of months, I would come home, and Pamela would have had some additional surgery. Sometimes she would have some liposuction done around her stomach or her thighs. And then Pam started getting implants. First, she had a breast lift and then implants. She didn’t stop with the first implants. She kept getting larger and larger implants. And then cheek implants. Because she always wanted high cheekbones. She no longer resembled my Pamela. The young woman I married. It was surreal.

About eight months after Pamela started the plastic surgery, my health insurance notified me that Pamela had far exceeded the limits of our health insurance policy and that they were not paying any new claims. I received a bill from Pam’s surgeon’s office stating that Pam had an outstanding balance of forty-five thousand dollars. I almost lost my mind when I read the outstanding balance.

I called Pamela and told her that we would have to have a serious conversation about her plastic surgery addiction. Pam had the table set and a wonderful dinner waiting for me when I got home. So I thought, great, she’s trying to make amends. She realizes that she can’t go on with these surgeries.

Pam didn’t want to discuss the doctor’s outstanding bill when I arrived home. She tried to put me off. And then she said, “Tom, I might as well tell you now, you’ll find out soon enough, but all our credit cards are maxed out too.”

“How much do we owe Pam? You better tell me now.”

“I don’t know exactly, but somewhere in the neighborhood of fifty thousand dollars.”

“Another fifty thousand dollars in addition to forty-five that we already owe?”

“Yes, that’s almost a hundred thousand dollars. Have you lost your mind?”

“No, a lot of people have plastic surgery.”

“Pam, this has to end. No more. If you get any more procedures. I’m done. I will file for divorce. You need therapy. This has gone too far. I don’t feel like I know you at all anymore.”

“Tom, you are overreacting. Calm down.”

“Calm down, have you lost your mind? You spent almost $100,000, and you think I should calm down. You need help. You are an addict. I can’t live with it anymore. No more plastic surgery. No more.”

“Well, Tom, I have already scheduled several more procedures. You can’t stop me.”

“I have stopped you already. I have canceled all the credit cards and taken your name off our bank accounts. I have informed the bank that you are no longer allowed to take any money out of my accounts. They are frozen, and you can not open any credit cards in my name. You have no credit. I’m done with your insanity. I’m done with you. I’ve contacted my lawyer and filed for a legal separation. You’re on your own now, Pam.”

“Tom, I promise I’ll be done after these last two procedures. Give me another chance.”

“No, Pam, I’ve given you every chance. And your fixation on the way you look is sick. I hope you find happiness and contentment someday. We’re finished. The next day I contacted my lawyer and told him to go forward with the divorce that we had irreconcilable differences because of Pam’s addiction to plastic surgery. And that she had spent all our money savings and destroyed my credit.

I hope that Pam will find happiness sometime in the future. She needs to believe in herself. That looks fade with time. And that she has value beyond her appearance. The week after I spoke to a lawyer, I found out that Pam had attempted to take a second mortgage out on our house. I contacted my lawyer, and he said, “you can’t get away from this woman too soon. She is out of control.”

So here I am six months after our divorce was finalized. I’m living in a small rented house. I still miss the old Pam. It’s almost as if she passed away. Because the Pam I knew no longer exists. Several friends have attempted to fix me up with single women they know. But I turn them down every time. I can not imagine going through this again. I’ve decided to get a dog instead. If we ever run into each other, I won’t even recognize her. What can I say, “life goes on.”

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ADVICE TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

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Life offers each of us many challenges. Sometimes we are faced with several challenges in a single day. We become overwhelmed. And we have no clue on how to begin handling any of it.

Sometimes we find ourselves seeking advice from people we know that are older, wiser, or more experienced in life than we are. It is not unusual for us to ask for advice, but we don’t take it because we don’t like the advice we are given. It’s one of the odd quirks of human nature. And then, of course, occasionally, we are on the receiving end of unsolicited advice.

And having said that, it reminds me of a friend I had many years ago. Her name was Alicia Palmer. We went through elementary and high school together. And we parted ways for four years when we went on to different colleges. Throughout our early childhood and through high school, we were as close as two peas in a pod. We didn’t have any secrets from each other. In the first two years at the university, we kept in touch and then nothing.

And then I found out through the grapevine that Alicia had gotten herself pregnant unintentionally by her college boyfriend Gregory. And she dropped out of college and went home.

When I went home on Spring Break, I decided to see my old friend Alicia. She was back home with her parents. I didn’t call her first because I knew she probably didn’t want me to know about her pregnancy since she didn’t call me in the last couple of months. During the short drive to her house, I decided I would offer her all my love and support and nothing more.

I knocked on her door several times, and no one answered. There were two cars in the driveway, hers and her mother’s. Her parents had divorced while she was in middle school. I don’t think Alicia ever got over it. Her father married a much younger woman, and they now had two young kids. Her father didn’t keep in contact with her. I always felt that something deep down broke in Alicia after her father left. Maybe it would have turned out better if he still maintained his relationship with Alicia.

I kept knocking. I knew eventually one of them would answer the door. They knew from experience that I was relentless. And once I made up my mind about doing something, I never gave up. I began ringing the doorbell and yelling at the top of my voice, “I know your in there. You might as well answer the door because I’m just going to stand here all day knocking and ringing the bell.” I waited, and finally, Alicia came to the door.

“I knew it was you when the knocking went on and on. And then the doorbell started ringing non-stop. Come in already, why don’t you.”

I stepped inside the door, and Alicia closed the door behind me. I held open my arms and said, “come over here and let me hug you. I’ve missed you so much.”

Alicia looked straight into my eyes and then stepped into my open arms. We hugged each other for at least two minutes and then stepped back. We looked at each other, and we both started crying.

“Let’s go sit in my room where we can have some privacy.”

I followed Alicia up the stairs and to the left. I knew Alicia’s house like it was my home. I had probably spent more time here than at home. Alicia closed the bedroom door behind her, and we flopped on her bed just like old times. The bed still wasn’t made. Alicia’s mother was not much of a housekeeper, and neither was Alicia. But it wasn’t always that way. After Alicia’s father left and her parents divorced, her mother had to work two jobs. Sometimes she didn’t get home until late. They often ended up eating take-out pizza.

Alicia didn’t say anything at first. She kept wiping tears off her cheek. I waited quietly. I took her hand in mine. I waited. And then Alicia said, “Kelly, I know you must be mad at me for not keeping in contact. I’m sorry. I was so lonely at college. I had trouble making friends. So, when Gregory came along. I fell for him hard. We spent all our time together. I stop caring about school and all my plans for the future. All I did was think about him all the time. I failed two classes the semester I started dating him.”

And things just went downhill after that. And then the next thing I knew, I got pregnant. Gregory said he wasn’t ready to be a father. He said he still felt like he was a kid himself. I didn’t know what to do. I considered getting an abortion. But I kept putting it off, and then before I knew it was too late. So, I called my mother and told her. And she said, “Alicia come home.” And here I am, twenty years old and six months pregnant. I’m so ashamed and disappointed in myself.”

“Alicia, first, I want to tell you to give yourself a break. We all make mistakes. It’s not the end of the world. And please remember that there are people who love you. I love you like the sister I never had. And your Mom might be upset right now. But things will get better. I’ll be here for you the whole time. I promise.”

“What? You have to go back to school, don’t you?”
“I’m taking the Summer off from school and getting a part-time job. And the rest of the time, I will stick to you like glue. You’ll get sick of me. What do you say?”

“You would do that?”

“Of course, I would. And you know what else? I got a scholarship for the next two years, so I don’t have to pay for the classes. My parents have agreed to pay the rest of my expenses, including my rent for my apartment, off-campus. That’s right off-campus. And you can come live with me. I can help you with the baby. What do you say?”

“I would love it. Maybe I could take a class or two and catch up since I failed my last semester.”

“I think that would be awesome.”

“Kelly, I was so sure you would be mad at me for making so many mistakes. And that you would be disappointed because I got pregnant. And think I was pathetic. I couldn’t face you and admit what a failure I was and how stupid.”

“Alicia, you should know better than that. I’m your friend, and I always will be. We all make mistakes. It’s not my job to judge you or anyone else for the choices they made in their lives. You should see some of the losers I’ve dated.”

“So, Alicia, how did your mother take the news?”

“She’s upset. However, she has tried to hide it. She said she would go along with anything I decided to do. I know she is disappointed about me dropping out of school. She asked me if I wanted to end the pregnancy. I told her I was too far along, and she started crying. Then she hugged me and said, “everything will be OK.”  She contacted my dad, and he said, I want nothing to do with it.”

“He did? Wow, that’s cold. But maybe he’ll change his mind at some point because it will be his grandchild after all?”

“Maybe, but I’m not holding my breath. He hasn’t been much of a father to me. But I guess I’ll wait and see what happens after the baby comes. After the baby came, I never thought I would say that. I never really thought about being a mother before. I have no clue how to be a parent.”

“I don’t think anyone does. I guess you take it one day at a time. And you love the baby no matter what. And I know I will too.”

“Kelly, you’re the best. I was so afraid that you would tell me what to do and what I shouldn’t have done and thought I was stupid and that most of all, you would be disappointed in me.”

“Alicia, do you remember when we were little, and we would pinky swear that we would be friends forever. And that we would always be there for one another. Well, I meant it. Friends Forever. How about we talk to your Mom and tell her what we’re going to do. What do you say?”

“I say, yes, let’s go talk to my Mom. She will be so happy to see you. I should never have doubted you, Kelly. Friends forever.”

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ONLY TIME WILL TELL

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The girl looked very young but there was something about her that chilled me to the bone. She was somewhat smaller than the average ten-year-old child. So at first, I thought she might be younger. She had dark circles under her eyes. Everything about her exuded anger and sadness and defeat. Her shoulders were hunched. Her lips were pursed tightly. She shuffled into my office. She had an expression that looked both defiant and defeated at the same time. It was clear that here was an extremely unhappy young girl.

I stepped forward and took her hand in mine. Her hand was warm to the touch. Unlike her stare which was cold. “Shall we go into my office and have a seat?”

She walked into my office and looked around and said, “so you’re a doctor. But what kind of doctor are you? Your office doesn’t look anything like my regular doctor’s office where I usually go for a check-up.”

I was somewhat taken aback by her demeanor and the maturity of her question. “Amelia please take a seat. Well, Amelia, your mother has explained to me that you are having a hard time adjusting to school. Is that true? Are you having a hard time getting used to being in school and making friends?”

Amelia looks up at me and then over at the chair and she says, “I ‘d rather stand.”

I responded, “please take a seat, Amelia.”

She glared at me. Are you were having some difficulty adjusting to school? What do you think is the problem?”

“I don’t have a problem. The other kids are annoying. They make too much noise. It’s hard to hear the teacher. They can’t seem to sit quietly in their seats. They interrupt the teacher. One kid is always raising his hand to ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with what the teacher is talking about.”

“So this kind of behavior makes you feel mad. Is that correct?”

“Yes, of course, it makes me angry. What did you think? Wouldn’t it make you angry if your patients kept interrupting you while you were talking?”

“Well, Amelia, sometimes people have to ask questions when they don’t understand what is being said? Or sometimes they ask questions out of curiosity.”

Amelia stared straight into my eyes. And I could tell she was now angry at me because I offered an alternate reason than what she said. In fact, it seemed as if Amelia was having difficulty dealing with authority if they didn’t agree with her point of view. She seemed to have little patience for the less advanced students in her class.

“Amelia, tell me how you feel right now.”

“I feel mad.”

“And what do you want to do when you’re angry?”

“I want to tell you to shut up. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“What happens in your classroom when one of the other students disagrees with you?”

“I get really mad. I want to hit them. Usually, I just sit there and don’t say anything else. And then later if we are out in the schoolyard. I go over and tell them they need to shut up. If they say anything else I hit them or pinch them or kick them in the leg.”

“And then what happens?”

“My teacher or an aid comes over and takes me to the principal’s office and I get in trouble. They call one of my parents and they have to come to the school and take me home. This last time they told my mother I couldn’t come back to school for a week or until she took me to the doctor. I guess that’s why I’m here talking to you since you’re not a real doctor.”

“There are different kinds of doctors Amelia. I am a doctor that treats children and adolescents and sometimes families that are having difficulty functioning in school and at home sometimes. I talk to them and they tell me how they are feeling and what’s going on in their lives. What kinds of things are happening in your life Amelia outside of school? Can you tell me what are things like at home?”

Amelia glares at the doctor. And if looks could kill, he would be dead on the floor just from her look of hate and resentment. “Amelia I know it’s difficult to talk about things that are happening that you have no control over. Can you please try and tell me? I promise that this is just between me and you. And that I will find a way to make things better for you, at school and at home. Do you think you can trust me?”

“No, why should I? No one ever tells me the truth? When I ask my mom or dad if everything is OK they always say, yes. But then later at night, I can hear them yelling at one another. So, I know they’re lying to me. How can I trust someone that lies to me?”

“Amelia, I can understand why you don’t trust them. But they probably think they are protecting you by not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps it would help if your parents came in with you the next time you come to see me. And then you can all try to talk to each other about what is really going on. What do you think?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Amelia, let’s make a deal shall we? Can you promise to try to behave in the classroom if I can have your parents come in with you on your next visit to talk about everything that is happening in your family?”

“I don’t know. They might both get angry at me for telling you what is happening at home.”

“Well, it’s true. They might get mad at first. But maybe after they come here and you all talk together, things will improve at home. We can create a plan to deal with stress and learn how to discuss things without fighting. What do you think? Don’t you think if things at home got better you wouldn’t feel so upset at school all the time?”

Amelia looked at me and nodded her head up and down. And a tear rolled down her cheek and down her chin. “OK Amelia, I’m going to ask you to go sit in the waiting room while I call your mother in and I have a little conversation with her. Don’t worry she won’t be mad at you. She wants things to get better for you. Or she wouldn’t have brought you here to talk to me.”

Amelia looked at me and I could see a glimmer of hope come into her eyes as she nodded her head up and down. The next time Amelia had an appointment her parents came in with her. I spoke to her parents first. They both related how much they loved Amelia but that she could be a difficult child. Because she was so moody. They also admitted that as a couple they had their own difficulties.

Their problems were complex and would take a long time to overcome but I believed it was possible. We discussed different tactics they might try to resolve their issues. This included couple’s therapy. They also related that there were financial problems that evolved over several years. When one of them had to stay at home with Amelia before she was old enough to attend school. And they couldn’t afford child care and didn’t have family who could care for Amelia while they worked.

I gave them a name of a family financial advisor who would help them set up a budget and they could start paying off some of their long-standing bills including credit card debt. They had only been paying the minimum payment each month and their debt would never be resolved. They blamed each other for the debt. But in reality, they both used credit cards whenever they ran short of money.

The next time I saw Amelia she seemed less stressed and less angry. “How are things at home Amelia?”

“I guess it is getting better. My parents aren’t fighting as much. And my mother found a job that pays more and my dad was able to change from his night shift job to day time. So they see each other more. They still have arguments, but not every day and they aren’t screaming anymore. They are trying to talk to each other when they are not tired.”

“And how are you doing in school?”

“Well, I haven’t gotten in trouble since the last time I saw you. I still don’t have any friends. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t think anyone likes me. I’m trying to do all my school work. But sometimes I need help because I don’t know how to do the math or spell.”

“Alright Amelia, it seems like things are getting better. And that is great. I know that you are doing your best. I believe I will talk to your teachers and your parent about getting a tutor to help you catch up with your work. Especially the subjects you struggle with like math and spelling. What do you think?”

“OK, but I don’t want any of the kids to know how stupid I am. I don’t want them to know I have to have a tutor. They will make fun of me. They hate me.”

“No one will know about the tutors except your parents and teachers. And they are not allowed to tell anyone else about it. Does that make you feel better? And finally, I want you to know that the other kids don’t hate you. But it will take time for you to make friends with the kids in school. Why don’t you find one kid who doesn’t have any friends and talk to them.”

“Well, there is one girl who just started going to school there. She doesn’t know anyone yet, maybe I could try being friends with her. Her name is Samantha. She came from another state. Her father is in the military and they have to move around a lot,”

“That seems like an excellent idea, Amelia. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing. Keep up the good work. Can you ask your mother to come in? I would like to talk to her for a few minutes before you go?”

“OK, bye Doctor Freedman. See you next time.”

“Good morning. how are you? Amelia seems to be doing much better in school and she is being cooperative with her treatment. She has agreed to have a tutor to help with her school work. I think once she starts doing better in school her negative feelings about herself will start to resolve. She is a bright young lady but she has low self-esteem and she believes all the kids hate her.”

“I know doctor, but her behavior has improved immensely and she is being more cooperative in school. Her grades are going up a little. I have been trying to help her with her homework and studying. I think a tutor would be a big help. Thank you for arranging for that.”

“You’re welcome. How are you and your husband doing?”

“Since we are on a budget now. We are slowly getting the bills paid and even some of the credit card debt. My boss says that my performance at work has improved and he is considering giving me a better job and a raise. So now my husband and I are not so stressed out about money and we rarely have arguments at all. We try to discuss things calmly instead of yelling at each other.”

“I have to say I am impressed by how much progress you have all made. I think if things continue in the direction you are going Amelia will not have to come here to speak to me as often. Perhaps you will only need to come once a month for the next six months. And then maybe every six months unless she develops some new issue she needs to talk about.”

“Really doctor, that’s wonderful. I can’t thank you enough. Amelia is like a new girl. She hasn’t gotten in trouble at school for weeks, she is doing her homework. And best of all she doesn’t seem so sad and angry anymore.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. I want you to know that if any problems arise that you need to discuss please feel free to contact me at any time. Please tell your husband that he can call me at any time as well. Take care until I see you next time.”

“Thank you doctor for all you’ve done.”

“You’re welcome, but the fact is that you and your husband and Amelia love each other and did all the hard work yourselves. But I was so happy to help you in whatever way I was able to. Take care. I’ll see you soon.

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ONLY TIME WILL TELL

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The girl looked very young but there was something about her that chilled me to the bone. She was somewhat smaller than the average ten-year-old child. So at first, I thought she might be younger. She had dark circles under her eyes. Everything about her exuded anger and sadness and defeat. Her shoulders were hunched. Her lips were pursed tightly. She shuffled into my office. She had an expression that looked both defiant and defeated at the same time. It was clear that here was an extremely unhappy young girl. 

I stepped forward and took her hand in mine. Her hand was warm to the touch. Unlike her stare which was cold. “Shall we go into my office and have a seat?”

She walked into my office and looked around and said, “so you’re a doctor. But what kind of doctor are you? Your office doesn’t look anything like my regular doctor’s office where I usually go for a check-up.”

I was somewhat taken aback by her demeanor and the maturity of her question. “Amelia please take a seat. Well, Amelia, your mother has explained to me that you are having a hard time adjusting to school. Is that true? Are you having a hard time getting used to being in school and making friends?”

Amelia looks up at me and then over at the chair and she says, “I ‘d rather stand.”

I responded, “please take a seat, Amelia.”

She glared at me. Are you were having some difficulty adjusting to school? What do you think is the problem?”

“I don’t have a problem. The other kids are annoying. They make too much noise. It’s hard to hear the teacher. They can’t seem to sit quietly in their seats. They interrupt the teacher. One kid is always raising his hand to ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with what the teacher is talking about.”

“So this kind of behavior makes you feel mad. Is that correct?”

“Yes, of course, it makes me angry. What did you think? Wouldn’t it make you angry if your patients kept interrupting you while you were talking?”

“Well, Amelia, sometimes people have to ask questions when they don’t understand what is being said? Or sometimes they ask questions out of curiosity.”

Amelia stared straight into my eyes. And I could tell she was now angry at me because I offered an alternate reason than what she said. In fact, it seemed as if Amelia was having difficulty dealing with authority if they didn’t agree with her point of view. She seemed to have little patience for the less advanced students in her class.

“Amelia, tell me how you feel right now.”

“I feel mad.”

“And what do you want to do when you’re angry?”

“I want to tell you to shut up. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“What happens in your classroom when one of the other students disagrees with you?”

“I get really mad. I want to hit them. Usually, I just sit there and don’t say anything else. And then later if we are out in the schoolyard. I go over and tell them they need to shut up. If they say anything else I hit them or pinch them or kick them in the leg.”

“And then what happens?”

“My teacher or an aid comes over and takes me to the principal’s office and I get in trouble. They call one of my parents and they have to come to the school and take me home. This last time they told my mother I couldn’t come back to school for a week or until she took me to the doctor. I guess that’s why I’m here talking to you since you’re not a real doctor.”

“There are different kinds of doctors Amelia. I am a doctor that treats children and adolescents and sometimes families that are having difficulty functioning in school and at home sometimes. I talk to them and they tell me how they are feeling and what’s going on in their lives. What kinds of things are happening in your life Amelia outside of school? Can you tell me what are things like at home?”

Amelia glares at the doctor. And if looks could kill, he would be dead on the floor just from her look of hate and resentment. “Amelia I know it’s difficult to talk about things that are happening that you have no control over. Can you please try and tell me? I promise that this is just between me and you. And that I will find a way to make things better for you, at school and at home. Do you think you can trust me?”

“No, why should I? No one ever tells me the truth? When I ask my mom or dad if everything is OK they always say, yes. But then later at night, I can hear them yelling at one another. So, I know they’re lying to me. How can I trust someone that lies to me?”

“Amelia, I can understand why you don’t trust them. But they probably think they are protecting you by not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps it would help if your parents came in with you the next time you come to see me. And then you can all try to talk to each other about what is really going on. What do you think?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Amelia, let’s make a deal shall we? Can you promise to try to behave in the classroom if I can have your parents come in with you on your next visit to talk about everything that is happening in your family?”

“I don’t know. They might both get angry at me for telling you what is happening at home.”

“Well, it’s true. They might get mad at first. But maybe after they come here and you all talk together, things will improve at home. We can create a plan to deal with stress and learn how to discuss things without fighting. What do you think? Don’t you think if things at home got better you wouldn’t feel so upset at school all the time?”

Amelia looked at me and nodded her head up and down. And a tear rolled down her cheek and down her chin. “OK Amelia, I’m going to ask you to go sit in the waiting room while I call your mother in and I have a little conversation with her. Don’t worry she won’t be mad at you. She wants things to get better for you. Or she wouldn’t have brought you here to talk to me.”

Amelia looked at me and I could see a glimmer of hope come into her eyes as she nodded her head up and down. The next time Amelia had an appointment her parents came in with her. I spoke to her parents first. They both related how much they loved Amelia but that she could be a difficult child. Because she was so moody. They also admitted that as a couple they had their own difficulties.

Their problems were complex and would take a long time to overcome but I believed it was possible. We discussed different tactics they might try to resolve their issues. This included couple’s therapy. They also related that there were financial problems that evolved over several years. When one of them had to stay at home with Amelia before she was old enough to attend school. And they couldn’t afford child care and didn’t have family who could care for Amelia while they worked.

I gave them a name of a family financial advisor who would help them set up a budget and they could start paying off some of their long-standing bills including credit card debt. They had only been paying the minimum payment each month and their debt would never be resolved. They blamed each other for the debt. But in reality, they both used credit cards whenever they ran short of money.

The next time I saw Amelia she seemed less stressed and less angry. “How are things at home Amelia?”

“I guess it is getting better. My parents aren’t fighting as much. And my mother found a job that pays more and my dad was able to change from his night shift job to day time. So they see each other more. They still have arguments, but not every day and they aren’t screaming anymore. They are trying to talk to each other when they are not tired.”

“And how are you doing in school?”

“Well, I haven’t gotten in trouble since the last time I saw you. I still don’t have any friends. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t think anyone likes me. I’m trying to do all my school work. But sometimes I need help because I don’t know how to do the math or spell.”

“Alright Amelia, it seems like things are getting better. And that is great. I know that you are doing your best. I believe I will talk to your teachers and your parent about getting a tutor to help you catch up with your work. Especially the subjects you struggle with like math and spelling. What do you think?”

“OK, but I don’t want any of the kids to know how stupid I am. I don’t want them to know I have to have a tutor. They will make fun of me. They hate me.”

“No one will know about the tutors except your parents and teachers. And they are not allowed to tell anyone else about it. Does that make you feel better? And finally, I want you to know that the other kids don’t hate you. But it will take time for you to make friends with the kids in school. Why don’t you find one kid who doesn’t have any friends and talk to them.”

“Well, there is one girl who just started going to school there. She doesn’t know anyone yet, maybe I could try being friends with her. Her name is Samantha. She came from another state. Her father is in the military and they have to move around a lot,”

“That seems like an excellent idea, Amelia. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing. Keep up the good work. Can you ask your mother to come in? I would like to talk to her for a few minutes before you go?”

“OK, bye Doctor Freedman. See you next time.”

“Good morning. how are you? Amelia seems to be doing much better in school and she is being cooperative with her treatment. She has agreed to have a tutor to help with her school work. I think once she starts doing better in school her negative feelings about herself will start to resolve. She is a bright young lady but she has low self-esteem and she believes all the kids hate her.”

“I know doctor, but her behavior has improved immensely and she is being more cooperative in school. Her grades are going up a little. I have been trying to help her with her homework and studying. I think a tutor would be a big help. Thank you for arranging for that.”

“You’re welcome. How are you and your husband doing?”

“Since we are on a budget now. We are slowly getting the bills paid and even some of the credit card debt. My boss says that my performance at work has improved and he is considering giving me a better job and a raise. So now my husband and I are not so stressed out about money and we rarely have arguments at all. We try to discuss things calmly instead of yelling at each other.”

“I have to say I am impressed by how much progress you have all made. I think if things continue in the direction you are going Amelia will not have to come here to speak to me as often. Perhaps you will only need to come once a month for the next six months. And then maybe every six months unless she develops some new issue she needs to talk about.”

“Really doctor, that’s wonderful. I can’t thank you enough. Amelia is like a new girl. She hasn’t gotten in trouble at school for weeks, she is doing her homework. And best of all she doesn’t seem so sad and angry anymore.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. I want you to know that if any problems arise that you need to discuss please feel free to contact me at any time. Please tell your husband that he can call me at any time as well. Take care until I see you next time.”

“Thank you doctor for all you’ve done.”

“You’re welcome, but the fact is that you and your husband and Amelia love each other and did all the hard work yourselves. But I was so happy to help you in whatever way I was able to. Take care. I’ll see you soon.

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