Monthly Archives: June 2022

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

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It was the Fall of 1991 and we had just sold our home of fourteen years in Pennsauken, NJ, and moved to Pitman a small town in Gloucester County New Jersey. We were a family of four, husband, wife, and two children. The house we purchased was a Victorian house that was built in 1910.

It had originally been owned by a family called Sooy. One of the owners was a neuropsychologist and one wing of the house was used for his offices. We heard from our new next-door neighbors that Dr. Sooy only saw patients at night. The house was empty for eight years since its original owners had passed away. It had been neglected for many years long before the former owners passed away. It needed a great deal of work inside and out, starting with a new roof. The old roof had leaked for years and inclement weather over the years had caused damage to the interior of the house. We felt that we were up to the challenge. 

My plan was to utilize part of the house which was formerly used as a doctor’s office and exam room as an art studio to teach children and adults the basics of drawing and painting. I had recently graduated from Temple Tyler School of Art in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And I had earned a BFA in Fine Arts and a degree in Art Education. I was the only adult student to graduate that year and while my fellow students had attained the grand old age of twenty-one I turned forty. Going to college turned out to be one of the most valuable experiences of my life. It was hard work, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

And so our journey began. We began to do some repairs on the house before we even moved into it. The realtor who had been trying to sell the house for years helped us do some of the minor repairs that had to be completed before we went to closing. So that we could get a certificate of occupancy. We moved in the February of 1994 on my oldest daughter’s thirteenth birthday. But we had to wait until Spring to put a new roof on the house.

One of the first neighbors we met were Bob and Marie Batten who owned the house across the street from us. Bob Batten had recently retired from his dental practice and his dental offices were in his home. His wife had assisted him for many years. He was in his early seventies when we first met and we built a friendship that lasted for many, many years until his death. In fact, Dr. Batten became one of my first adult students. Marie was a dear friend as well despite the thirty-year age gap. I spent many happy hours with her learning about her life in Pitman and hearing all the township gossip from years gone by.

In fact, I made many friends in Pitman through The Art Room. Which was what I named my business. Many children who had an interest in learning how to draw and paint attended my classes for years until they graduated from high school. And many adults who lived in town did as well, even one of the town’s administrators.

The neighborhood we lived in was a mixture of all kinds of people. Many of the people who lived on our street had lived there for decades. And they became some of my closest friends. Lois Fegundus who lived three houses away from me was an avid gardener. She was a retired school teacher, who talk Home Economics and had retired years before. Her favorite hobby was gardening and she taught me everything she knew. She shared her knowledge and her plants. Most of the flowers in the garden I created in my Pitman garden came from Lois’s garden. She had a great love of antique furniture and share her love of everything antique with me. I look back at all the hours I spent with her working in her garden as well as my own garden as the best hours and days of my life. And here I am in my own later years still happily gardening having benefited from her knowledge and generous heart. She passed away shortly before we retired and moved to North Carolina.

Of course, not everything in life smells of roses and daffodils. We had some downright awful neighbors. The Victorian house next door was owned by a man, Jack Fleming whose family lived downstairs and he rented the second floor of his house out.

His wife, Nina was friendly enough. I could never understand what she saw in him since he was eternally in a bad mood. She worked in a library and he sold real estate.

Jack’s tenants came and went fairly quickly because he refused to even consider putting a small window air conditioner in their apartment. And believe me, it is humid and hot, hot, hot in New Jersey in the summertime. So, his tenants would often stay a year and then move out. So, there was a steady stream of people moving in and out. Jack didn’t have any parking available on his property for the tenants. As a result, they always parked on our side street next to our house. One of the first tenants had an unusual hobby. He sang opera late into the night after he got home from work. 

The other tenant that sticks out in my memory is a family that lived on the second floor for several years. They used to eat outside on a picnic table and when they were done eating they would throw their trash over our back fence and into our yard. No matter how many times I told them to throw their trash in the trash can they threw it over into our yard.

After several years Jack and Nina sold their house to an investor. And he rented the whole house out top and bottom. I do not have the strength to think about all the people who came and went after that. As an example, one of the tenants who was living in the downstairs apartment decided to move out. They had a pet rabbit and they left it in the shed in the backyard, never to return. The new tenants saw me in my backyard and ask me what they should do about the rabbit. Their landlord said it wasn’t his problem. So, I suggested that they take it to the local animal shelter. It was late August and the shed was hot as hell, can you imagine?

The tenants in the house didn’t have enough parking space in the driveway and they would all park on the side of my house and come and go at all hours of the day and night often throwing their trash from their cars on my sidewalk. No matter how many times I ask them to take their trash with them and keep the noise down to a low roar when they came home in the middle of the night they just didn’t care. At one point one of the tenants invited a whole crowd of people to have a bar-b-Que in the backyard. I happened to be coming out my back door and saw them. I notified their landlord that he better keep his tenants in line or I was going to start calling the police and complain.

Soon after that these particular tenants moved away. Which honestly was a blessing. But, then I started worrying if even worse people could move in next door.

What happened next was the elderly neighbor, Mrs. Foot who lived behind us passed away and her house, a duplex was sold to a middle-aged couple. I went over to their house the following week and introduced myself to her and welcome her and her husband to the neighborhood. She had moved from New York City to our little town of Pitman. The first time I met her I introduced myself to her and welcomed her to the neighborhood she was originally from Brazil.

Over time we became friends and she told me she never learned to drive. I offered to teach her. I have to admit it was a scary experience since she seemed as if she didn’t know her left hand from her right hand. But eventually, she improved and got her driver’s license and her husband bought her a car so she was able to go places while he was at work. We were friends for a long time until my husband and I retired and moved to North Carolina. They came to visit us the first year that we lived there.

But the neighbor who will live forever as a bad memory lived across the street from our driveway. She was the neighbor from hell. Her elderly aunt formerly lived in the house and became ill and passed away. She inherited the house from her aunt. The house was in poor repair but it progressively went downhill after Susan Mullen and her family moved in. She had two teenagers when she moved in but within two years she had two more children a boy and a baby girl. They had different fathers. Susan Mullen was truly one of the worse mothers I ever had the misfortune to know and unfortunately live across the street from them.

Susan Mullen and her string of boyfriends had loud arguments late at night. She apparently had acquired a drug addiction and she had all kinds of scary people visiting her night and day. She left the child care of her two young children to her teenagers. Eventually, I had to report to DYFS that Susan was not only verbally abusing her children but physically. One day her son who was about five or six at the time was out in front of their house he had a child’s golf club and he was swinging it back and forth across the grass. I happened to be gardening in my backyard. She yelled at him to stop. But he didn’t right away. And she ran towards him and kicked him in the rear end with tremendous force and he flew about two feet in the air. I called the town police and reported the incident to DYFS.

I can’t say that thing ever got any better at Susan Mullen’s home. Unfortunately, I have to admit we developed a hate/ hate relationship. That only got worse over time.

The time came when my husband and myself retired and my younger daughter decided to move to North Carolina. By then our older daughter had moved to Philadelphia and married.

We lived in Pitman for twenty-two years. We met and became friends with a great many people. Overall, it was a wonderful experience with a few bumps along the road. And I will miss our house in Pitman for the remainder of my days. It was a difficult decision to sell our house we had put our hearts and years of hard work into restoring it to its former condition. The day we moved away and pulled out of our driveway was one of the hardest days of my life. I only hoped the new family who lives there now love and care for that house as much as we did. And now they are forever a part of its history as we are.

And here I sit in my home in NC in a small development of twenty families. It is a quiet place to live out our retirement and I have come to love this house as well. But, it will never be able to take the place of our Pitman, NJ home in my heart. But, life goes on.

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THE MOST PRECIOUS TREASURE IN LIFE

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Of all the pastimes that I have enjoyed over my lifetime the one, I loved the most was beach combing. I spent all my summers in Wildwood, NJ as a child. Wildwood is a beach town on the Southern Coast of New Jersey. And when I grew up I saw no reason to stop going. Unfortunately, I was only able to go to Wildwood for two weeks during my summer vacation as an adult. But I counted the days until I returned like a child counting the days until Christmas.

If there‘s a better place to spend the summer than the beach I have yet to find it. The salty air, the ocean, the sky, and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocky shore. And more than anything the feel of the warm sand between my toes. It‘s heaven on earth.

I spent the long, hot, and sultry summer days walking from one end of the beach to the other. I carried a large plastic bag with Captain Hook’s picture on it over my shoulder. When I started to feel too hot I would run down and jump into the ocean to cool off. The water was cold and shocking at first but until I would get used to it. And I would swim out the waves and let the waves carry me back to the beach. I never felt more alive or free.

As I walked the beach I would look down and kick the sand to see if I could uncover hidden treasures. When I first started to comb the beach I would pick up shells in every shape and color. One day I found hundreds of tiny little shells and I filled up my bag to the brim.

When I got back home that day I put the bag of little shells on the floor under my bed. And later that day my mother went into my room to change the bed sheets and low and behold she saw hundreds and hundreds of tiny crabs crawling all over the bed and on the floor and under the bed and up the walls. I heard her yelling my name out at the top of her voice. And I knew that I was in big trouble. But I couldn’t imagine what I did wrong.

My mother continued to scream until I managed to collect them all and put them in my beach bucket. She looked at me like she thought I was out of my mind. “Why in the world would you bring all of these creatures into my house. You better find every one of them and take them back to the beach this minute. Don’t ever do this again or you won’t be going to the beach anymore. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mom I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were crabs. I thought they were just little seashells.”

I collected all of the crabs, at least I think I did. And I took them back to the beach and released them. However, for the next week or so I found a crab on my bed, one in my closet and one made it all the way into the hallway before I caught it. And believe it or not about a month later I found one crawling in my sink and before I could catch it went down the drain. I guess he found a shortcut to the ocean.

Early one hot and humid day I walked down to the beach in the morning and I saw an old guy walking on the beach. He had something in his hand that had a pole with a round metal circle at the bottom and he was moving it slowly across the beach. I thought “what in the world is he doing?”

I decided to run up to him and ask him what he was doing. He was concentrating and he didn’t notice me coming near him. So, when I screamed “hello” at him he jumped about a foot into the air. I started laughing, and he got real mad and ask me, “are you out of your mind startling me like that? I could have had a hard attacked and died right in front of you?”

I looked at him, and I was about to say, “sorry”, when he started laughing. “What are you up to boy? What’s your name?”

“Everybody calls me Sandy because I’m always dragging sand into the house from the beach. But my real name is Sammy. I like to comb the beach for treasures and add them to my collection.”

“Is that so? Well Sandy that‘s exactly what I’m doing. I comb the beach with this metal detector for treasures. It can tell when there are any kind of metals under the sand. And it makes a sound when it finds metal. It can detect metal that’s under twelves inches of sand. I’ve found beer cans, coins, and a couple of rings. One of them was a gold wedding ring. And I found an old watch. Tons of stuff, some of it was valuable and some of it was trash. I do it for fun and it gives me an excuse to walk up and down the beach and to talk to interesting people like yourself.”

“Really? I would love to get a metal detector. Do you know how much they cost?”

“You can get a cheap one for about one hundred dollars. But a good one will cost ya about two thousand dollars or more.”

He saw Sandy’s jaw drop down as far as it could Sandy said. “Wow, I don’t think my parents have that much money. I guess I’ll just keep looking with my feet.”

“What do you mean looking at your feet?”

“I mean, that as I walk along the beach, I kick the sand up with my feet and if I see anything or feel anything I dig it up with my shovel and my hands and I put it in my bucket and take it home. Last time I found a hundred little shells and I brought them home to my room and it turned out that they were little crabs. And they crawled all over my room even in my closet and on my bed. My mother had a fit. One even went down the hall to the bathroom. Now I’m not allowed to bring anything home that might be alive. Parents are no fun.”

“Well, Sandy, would you like to walk along the beach with me today and see if I find any treasures? Do you want to run home and ask your Mom if that’s alright?”

“No, she doesn’t care. She never asks what I’m doing as long as I’m home on time for lunch and dinner. Anyhow, I don’t know your name.”

“Oh, sorry I should have introduced myself to you. My name is Bill. My friends call me Billy Boy though. So, why don’t you call me Billy Boy? As I consider you a new friend.”

Sandy looks at Billy Boy and says, “OK Billy let’s go. I can’t wait. We’re going to find some gold doubloons I know it. Then my mother will be happy when I make her rich.”

“Well, I don’t know if we’ll find doubloons but you never know let’s be on our way.”

Sandy and Billy Boy spent three hours on the beach looking for treasure. And then Billy Boy said, ” you know what it’s almost lunchtime how about we take a walk on the boardwalk and get some lunch?”

“Yeah, I’m starved.”

“OK, Sandy how about the Do Wop Diner? They have the best hamburgers and Milk Shakes in Wildwood.”

“Yeah, Oh I love hamburgers and milkshakes. I want a chocolate shake.”

“Me, too Sandy. That’s my favorite too.”

Billy Boy and Sandy spent an hour eating and talking about the treasures they would find. And then Billy said, “I have to take a trip to the boy’s room I’ll be right back. Sandy gulped down the remainder of his milkshake. And as Billy Boy walked up to their table. Sandy let out a loud burp. And Billy Boy laughed and so did everyone that was sitting near him.

Well, I paid our bill, so let’s be on our way and continue our treasure hunt shall we?”

“Yay, let’s go.“

And they walked down the boardwalk for about twenty minutes and Billy Boy said, “Hey how about we play a game or two and buy some fudge. I do so love me some fudge.”

“What? I love fudge too.”

Ten minutes later they had finished their fudge and felt so full they could burst. And Billy Boy said, “back to combing the beach.”

After about ten minutes or so of walking down the beach, the metal detector started beeping. “What’s that Billy Boy?”, said Sandy.

“Why it’s telling us there is some kind of treasure down there. Start digging.”

And then Sandy dug and dug and dug and then suddenly he yelled, ” I found it, I found it, at the top of his lungs. And he pulled up a leather bag and it felt heavy. He shook it and it sounded like coins. Sandy yelled, “we found treasure, we found treasure.” Both Billy Boy and Sandy started jumping up and down. Which was no easy trick for Billy Boy since he was seventy-five years old.

Sandy opened the pouch and he found coins, but they weren’t ancient coins. They were new ones. Billy Boy looked at them and said, “oh, look they’re coins from the casino. Somebody won them and put them in this leather pouch. We aren’t rich, but we’re lucky. Who knows what we’ll find tomorrow. Gold dublooms maybe, you never know. Do you want to meet me out here tomorrow and we’ll try our luck again, same place, same time?”

“Yeah, we’re going to be rich aren’t we?”

“Well, Sandy, I feel richer already?”

“You do, Billy Boy how come?”

“Well, Sandy, I’m richer because I made a new friend today.”

“You did, who?”
“Well, you of course Sandy. I feel like the richest man on the planet. How about we split these coins and we’ll meet again tomorrow, buddy?”

“Yes, buddy let’s do that.” And Sandy smiled from ear to ear. And he never felt happier than he did at this moment.

 

THE SKELETON KEY

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I grew up in a small town in New Jersey in the 1950s. In the Summer kids were allowed to stay out after dark until their mother called them home. No one ever locked their doors at night or their cars.

One day my mother showed me a key. She said, ” Anne Marie come here. I want to show you something, I walked over to her and she started whispering in my ear. “Anne Marie this is just between you and me. It’s going to be our little secret. I want you to take this key and keep it safe with you all the time even when you are going to sleep.”

She put the key in my hand. I looked it over. It was almost as big as the palm of my hand. It was scary looking. At the top of the key, there was a skull carved into it. “I don’t like it, mom. Why is there a skeleton face on it?”

“Oh, it’s called a skeleton key. And it‘s been made to fit every keyhole in our house. If you ever have to get out quickly or you need to lock all the doors even the bedroom and the bathroom doors you can do it with this skeleton key. Keep it safe. It may save your life someday.”

“OK Mom, I will I’ll keep it with me all the time.” My mother gave me the key to keep me safe. But I always felt I was safe until she gave me that key. And then I was afraid all the time. I didn’t know what was going to hurt me but I knew something was going to some time, somehow. I wish my mother never gave me that awful Skeleton key.

I felt like I had to be on high alert every day, all day especially when I was home alone. Because the key was meant to keep me safe in my house, in my room, or even in the bathroom. Now when I had to take a bath, I tried to get in and out in ten minutes so whatever was trying to hurt me wouldn’t do it while I was getting a bath, going to the bathroom, or brushing my teeth. I locked the door. And I checked and rechecked it to make sure it was locked.

I was always relieved when I was allowed to go outside and play since I thought my life was only in jeopardy when I was at home. So when I got home from school I would rush into my bedroom and change into my play clothes and run outside as quickly as I could. I wouldn’t come back in until my mother call me in for dinner. When school was in session. I started getting nervous about the school day is over. When I arrived home I would rush out as soon as I could and go and visit some of my friends.

One night at dinner my father said to me, “so Anne Marie what have you been up to, it seems like you are never home. How is school going? How are you doing in Math?”

“School is fine, daddy. I got a B on my last math test. And after school, I visit Betsy or Terri and sometimes I go to the library to get some new books to read. I just like being outside, I guess. Probably because I have to sit in a stuffy classroom all day.

One night I was lying in bed and I was just about to fall asleep when I heard my father calling out,” everybody go outside, there is a problem with the heater and everybody must go outside until I know it’s safe to come back in. I called the fire department.”

I was still sleepy when I heard my father yelling for everyone to get out of the house. I thought something terrible was going to happen and I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. I leaned over and grabbed the skeleton key and ran outside. Everyone in my family was outside in their pajamas.

My father said, “Anne Marie what took you so long?”

“I had to grab the skeleton key before I came outside. Mom told me to take it with me where ever. She told me to lock the doors in the house when I’m home alone or in the bathroom. So, I had to lock all the doors before I came out here so nothing bad would happen while we were all outside.”

My father looked over at my mother and said, “Marion, what in the world were you thinking of when you gave her that skeleton key? Didn’t you notice how nervous and upset Anne Marie has been recent?”

“Well, I guess she has been a little out of sorts recently but I didn’t put two and two together. I just thought she was being her normal moody self. I gave her the key because I thought it would give her a sense of responsibility. And she would realize that I trusted her with something important like our safety. Maybe I went a little overboard with the whole skeleton key thing. I certainly didn’t realize that she would think something bad would happen to her if everything wasn’t locked up. “

My mother looked over at me and said,”Anne Marie, I’m really sorry if you were worried all the time. I just wanted you to realize how much I trusted you and that you were being a responsible young girl. And how much I loved you and trusted you.”

Just at that moment the biggest fireman came over to us and said, “well, everything is fine now. We were able to put the fire out in the basement before any real damage was done. I suggest you call the people that maintain your heater to come over as soon as possible to see what the problem is. And I also wanted to mention that it was a very good idea to close all the doors in the house but it is not necessary to lock the doors. ” You can all go in now and I hope the rest of the evening is uneventful.”

We all said, “Thank you.” at the same time and the fireman smiled at us and said, “good night to you all. Keep safe.”

My mother and father came over and hugged me. And then my mother said, “Anne Marie why don’t you just hang up the Skeleton Key on the hook in the kitchen and when you want to lock the door like when you’re taking a bath you can do it then. But I want you to know that you will always be safe in our house. And that daddy and I love you and will always keep you safe. I’m sorry if you were scared. That was never my intention.”

And then I hugged my parents back and I felt tears rolling down my cheek even though I felt so much better. I guess it was tears of relief or maybe I felt happy again. And we all went into the house and my mother made us all some hot chocolate and that was the first night in months when I fell right to sleep and slept through the night. Oh, I almost forgot right after my mom gave me the hot chocolate she said,” go ahead and put the key on the key hook, and don’t worry about it anymore.”

 

 

PROMISES MADE PROMISES BROKEN

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When I was seventeen just two months before my eighteenth birthday I found out I was pregnant. This happened about five weeks before my high school graduation. My boyfriend and I had just broken up because I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time we were dating.

I don’t know if finding out I was pregnant or the fact that Johnathan cheated on me was more devastating news. I spent my entire four years of high school studying and working and saving money so I would be able to attend Rutgers University. I excelled in all my classes and was the Valedictorian of my graduation class.

I realized my period was late but I procrastinated for way too long. I was in complete denial. I admit it. I went to the drug store and purchased a pregnancy test. I thought we had been so careful. But I admit I was in denial about the possibility that I might be pregnant and I waited two months before I took the test. I knew I was pregnant for sure when I started having morning sickness. I felt like my life was over and all my hard work was wasted.

After I took the test and it tested positive I called Johnathan and ask him to meet me outside the public library. He said, “what’s up? I don’t have much time I have to go to work this afternoon. ” I said, “you better meet me, I have some bad news.”

When I arrived at the library I saw Johnathan standing next to the big Willow tree and Anne Marie Gibson was standing next to him, she was holding his hand. I thought I might go out of my mind. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. This was the last draw. There was no way I was going to have a baby, and give up my life and my future with someone that was cheating on me.

As I walked closer to the two of them Johnathan quickly dropped Anne Marie’s hand. His face turned red as a beet. I walked up to him and said,”what’s going on Johnathan?”

“Oh, Christine I’m sorry you found out this way. I was going to tell you and it just so happened that Anne Marie was at the library today and she saw me standing here waiting. She didn’t know that you were coming to meet you here.”

“I need to talk to you alone Johnathan. I have something to tell you.”

Johnathan said, “I’ll call you later Anne Marie.” Anne Marie totally ignored me and leaned in and kissed Johnathan. I felt so angry at him and myself. I thought I might explode. Anne Marie walked away and as she did she called out,”Johnathan call me later.”

I stared at Johnathan for a couple of minutes and said, “I thought you love me, I guess I was wrong. You are not the person I thought you were. I don’t want to talk to you again.”

“I thought you wanted to tell me something?”

“No, I don’t have anything to say to you, I don’t want to ever see or hear from you again. And then I turned and walked away. There was no way I was going to tell him I was pregnant. I knew I had some hard decisions to make. And I knew I was going to make them on my own. I never spoke to Johnathan again.

After much soul searching I decided that I was not going to have an abortion, but I was not ready to be a mother. Not by a long shot. I decided that I would have the baby and give him or her up for adoption. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life up until now.

I did tell my parents. They were disappointed in me. I was disappointed in myself. My parents helped me find a place to stay until the baby was born. It was just outside Rutgers University. I was able to take classes up until I went into labor. I was able to talk to several sets of potential parents while I was living there. And two days after I gave birth to a baby boy they came and took him home to his new home. Their names were Marie and Arthur Klein.

I never seen such happy people in my life. I feel like I was in shock from the whole experience. But I know I made the best decision for me and my little boy. I wasn’t ready to be a parent. I still had a lot of growing up to do myself. I hoped that sometime in the future I could meet him but that would be up to him and his new parents.

Two weeks later I began taking classes full-time at Rutgers. I put all of my energy into my education. I did not allow myself the time or the space to understand the full impact of having a baby and giving it to strangers to raise. I assured myself it was the best decision for me and the baby. And then I pushed it to the back of my mind and did not allow myself to think about it again.

My parents never came to see the baby after it was born and never brought the subject up again. It was always there between us like a brick wall but neither they nor I ever breached the subject. Looking back at it I realize that was a big mistake on all our parts. They had a grandson that they would never meet or know and I gave away my first child and never looked back. I never allowed myself to think about it, not for years and years.

As the years passed I became a lawyer and worked in criminal law and then I decided I wanted to make a greater impact on my life and started working within the Federal Government. And ultimately I ended up working as a Constitutional lawyer because I believed I would become a guardian of our Constitutional Rights as American Citizens.

The years went by quickly. My parents were preparing to retire and move to Florida. I told them it was somewhat of a mundane cliche to retire to Florida. But they insisted their dream was to have a home on the beach and spend their remaining days swimming, and fishing. In the end, they eventually bought a huge boat and decided to travel the world by sea. I saw them once or twice a year and one year when I was about forty- three years old they ask me to join them on a trip from Florida to the Virgin Islands.

Unfortunately, I had a problem as we encountered a rocky sea and I was seasick the whole trip. As a result, I spent about three days with them on the Islands and then decided I wasn’t up to going back to Florida by sea and flew home by air.

It was a small plane and there was only one other passenger a young man about thirty years old. The entire time I was on the plane I kept looking at him. He seemed so familiar to me. He reminded me of someone but I didn’t know who. Finally, we were about a half-hour from our destination I started a conversation with him. I ask him his name and he said, ” my name is Johnathan. “

I stared at him for a moment and I thought what a weird coincidence. “Really, I once knew a Johnathan a long time ago. When I was in high school. He was my first serious boyfriend. And that is when it hit me. He reminded me of my old high school boyfriend, Johnathan. In fact, you kind of resembles him somewhat although I haven’t seen him since my high school graduation which was long ago.”

“Really, well where are you from?”

“I’m from New Jersey, Johnathan. Where are you from? Well, I was born in New Jersey but later my family moved to New York. But I was adopted so I don’t really know too much about my birth family. I do know my biological father’s name was Johnathan and my parents decided to name me after him since without him I would have been born.”

I felt a chill run up and down my back. “That is a coincidence. Do you know your birth mother’s name?”

“Yes, her name was Christine, she was still in high school when she became pregnant and she decided to give me up since she didn’t feel she was ready to be a parent.”

At this point, I felt a little faint. It was too much to believe that sitting across from me on this little plane was my son, who I hadn’t seen since I was eighteen years old and a senior in high school. “Johnathan, you probably aren’t going to believe this, but you are describing me. My name is Christine, and my high school boyfriend’s name was Johnathan. And I gave up my son to be adopted by a wonderful couple whose name was Marie and Arthur Klein.”

Johnathan stared at me and then a big smile crossed his face. And he said, ” that is my parents’ names. You are my birth mother. I always knew I would meet you someday. And I wanted to thank you for making the decision to have me and give me to the most wonderful parents anyone could ever have. It must have been so hard for you to do that. Can I give you a hug?

By this time I was shaking and crying. I could not imagine how all of this took place. But I have never felt so blessed as I did that day when I met my son for the second time in my life. And it was the most wonderful experience I could imagine. We spent the rest of the trip telling each other about our lives. We hugged each other and promised we would stay in touch. And we have I speak to him several times a month and we are planning on taking a trip together, maybe a cruise.

You just never know what surprises will occur in your life. I could imagine anything better than meeting my son and getting to know him as an adult and being able to spend time with him. You never know what life is going to bring to you. You never know the challenges that will come your way. You just have to take one day at a time and do your best.

 

PROMISES MADE AND PROMISES BROKEN

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When I was seventeen just two months before my eighteenth birthday I found out I was pregnant. This happened about five weeks before my high school graduation. My boyfriend and I had just broken up because I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time we were dating.

I don’t know if finding out I was pregnant or the fact that Johnathan cheated on me was more devastating news. I spent my entire four years of high school studying and working and saving money so I would be able to attend Rutgers University. I excelled in all my classes and was the Valedictorian of my graduation class.

I realized my period was late but I procrastinated for way too long. I was in complete denial. I admit it. I went to the drug store and purchased a pregnancy test. I thought we had been so careful. But I admit I was in denial about the possibility that I might be pregnant and I waited two months before I took the test. I knew I was pregnant for sure when I started having morning sickness. I felt like my life was over and all my hard work was wasted.

After I took the test and it tested positive I called Johnathan and ask him to meet me outside the public library. He said, “what’s up? I don’t have much time I have to go to work this afternoon. ” I said, “you better meet me, I have some bad news.”

When I arrived at the library I saw Johnathan standing next to the big Willow tree and Anne Marie Gibson was standing next to him, she was holding his hand. I thought I might go out of my mind. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. This was the last draw. There was no way I was going to have a baby, and give up my life and my future with someone that was cheating on me.

As I walked closer to the two of them Johnathan quickly dropped Anne Marie’s hand. His face turned red as a beet. I walked up to him and said,”what’s going on Johnathan?”

“Oh, Christine I’m sorry you found out this way. I was going to tell you and it just so happened that Anne Marie was at the library today and she saw me standing here waiting. She didn’t know that you were coming to meet you here.”

“I need to talk to you alone Johnathan. I have something to tell you.”

Johnathan said, “I’ll call you later Anne Marie.” Anne Marie totally ignored me and leaned in and kissed Johnathan. I felt so angry at him and myself. I thought I might explode. Anne Marie walked away and as she did she called out,”Johnathan call me later.”

I stared at Johnathan for a couple of minutes and said, “I thought you love me, I guess I was wrong. You are not the person I thought you were. I don’t want to talk to you again.”

“I thought you wanted to tell me something?”

“No, I don’t have anything to say to you, I don’t want to ever see or hear from you again. And then I turned and walked away. There was no way I was going to tell him I was pregnant. I knew I had some hard decisions to make. And I knew I was going to make them on my own. I never spoke to Johnathan again.

After much soul searching I decided that I was not going to have an abortion, but I was not ready to be a mother. Not by a long shot. I decided that I would have the baby and give him or her up for adoption. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life up until now.

I did tell my parents. They were disappointed in me. I was disappointed in myself. My parents helped me find a place to stay until the baby was born. It was just outside Rutgers University. I was able to take classes up until I went into labor. I was able to talk to several sets of potential parents while I was living there. And two days after I gave birth to a baby boy they came and took him home to his new home. Their names were Marie and Arthur Klein.

I never seen such happy people in my life. I feel like I was in shock from the whole experience. But I know I made the best decision for me and my little boy. I wasn’t ready to be a parent. I still had a lot of growing up to do myself. I hoped that sometime in the future I could meet him but that would be up to him and his new parents.

Two weeks later I began taking classes full-time at Rutgers. I put all of my energy into my education. I did not allow myself the time or the space to understand the full impact of having a baby and giving it to strangers to raise. I assured myself it was the best decision for me and the baby. And then I pushed it to the back of my mind and did not allow myself to think about it again.

My parents never came to see the baby after it was born and never brought the subject up again. It was always there between us like a brick wall but neither they nor I ever breached the subject. Looking back at it I realize that was a big mistake on all our parts. They had a grandson that they would never meet or know and I gave away my first child and never looked back. I never allowed myself to think about it, not for years and years.

As the years passed I became a lawyer and worked in criminal law and then I decided I wanted to make a greater impact on my life and started working within the Federal Government. And ultimately I ended up working as a Constitutional lawyer because I believed I would become a guardian of our Constitutional Rights as American Citizens.

The years went by quickly. My parents were preparing to retire and move to Florida. I told them it was somewhat of a mundane cliche to retire to Florida. But they insisted their dream was to have a home on the beach and spend their remaining days swimming, and fishing. In the end, they eventually bought a huge boat and decided to travel the world by sea. I saw them once or twice a year and one year when I was about forty- three years old they ask me to join them on a trip from Florida to the Virgin Islands.

Unfortunately, I had a problem as we encountered a rocky sea and I was seasick the whole trip. As a result, I spent about three days with them on the Islands and then decided I wasn’t up to going back to Florida by sea and flew home by air.

It was a small plane and there was only one other passenger a young man about thirty years old. The entire time I was on the plane I kept looking at him. He seemed so familiar to me. He reminded me of someone but I didn’t know who. Finally, we were about a half-hour from our destination I started a conversation with him. I ask him his name and he said, ” my name is Johnathan. “

I stared at him for a moment and I thought what a weird coincidence. “Really, I once knew a Johnathan a long time ago. When I was in high school. He was my first serious boyfriend. And that is when it hit me. He reminded me of my old high school boyfriend, Johnathan. In fact, you kind of resembles him somewhat although I haven’t seen him since my high school graduation which was long ago.”

“Really, well where are you from?”

“I’m from New Jersey, Johnathan. Where are you from? Well, I was born in New Jersey but later my family moved to New York. But I was adopted so I don’t really know too much about my birth family. I do know my biological father’s name was Johnathan and my parents decided to name me after him since without him I would have been born.”

I felt a chill run up and down my back. “That is a coincidence. Do you know your birth mother’s name?”

“Yes, her name was Christine, she was still in high school when she became pregnant and she decided to give me up since she didn’t feel she was ready to be a parent.”

At this point, I felt a little faint. It was too much to believe that sitting across from me on this little plane was my son, who I hadn’t seen since I was eighteen years old and a senior in high school. “Johnathan, you probably aren’t going to believe this, but you are describing me. My name is Christine, and my high school boyfriend’s name was Johnathan. And I gave up my son to be adopted by a wonderful couple whose name was Marie and Arthur Klein.”

Johnathan stared at me and then a big smile crossed his face. And he said, ” that is my parents’ names. You are my birth mother. I always knew I would meet you someday. And I wanted to thank you for making the decision to have me and give me to the most wonderful parents anyone could ever have. It must have been so hard for you to do that. Can I give you a hug?

By this time I was shaking and crying. I could not imagine how all of this took place. But I have never felt so blessed as I did that day when I met my son for the second time in my life. And it was the most wonderful experience I could imagine. We spent the rest of the trip telling each other about our lives. We hugged each other and promised we would stay in touch. And we have I speak to him several times a month and we are planning on taking a trip together, maybe a cruise.

You just never know what surprises will occur in your life. I could imagine anything better than meeting my son and getting to know him as an adult and being able to spend time with him. You never know what life is going to bring to you. You never know the challenges that will come your way. You just have to take one day at a time and do your best.

 

I MADE A WRONG TURN AND NOW I’M LOST

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One of the most difficult and frustrating challenges of my life has been my total lack of a sense of direction. Laugh all you want but the fact is that this deficit has affected every daily aspect of my life since I was a child.

I have tried to explain to people over the years that I just don’t have a sense of direction. That even if I have been somewhere many times before I have made the wrong turn and ended up terribly lost, and then the panic steps in and takes over. I have been lost for hours countless times. I can not even guess how many times I’ve been lost over the course of my lifetime.

I can not explain to anyone just how terrifying it is just to try and go from point A to point B without making a wrong turn and ending up in the wrong place. Why one time when I was visiting a friend of mine who lived about an hour and a half away from me in North Jersey, I lived in South-Central New Jersey I made a wrong turn and ended up at New Hope in Pennsylvania. Which is about an hour in the wrong direction from her house. Yes, I knew I made a wrong a wrong turn somewhere but I had no clue where. And I couldn’t figure out how to get to her house from Pennsylvania. I ended up calling her on a payphone {this was way before cell phones} and I told her where I was and what happened. And she drove there and I followed her to her home. I had driven to her house many times. But on this particular day, I made a wrong turn.

Ah, you think well that might have been a problem for you in the past but now that we have cell phones and a GPS getting lost is no longer a problem. Wrong my friends. I live out in the country and the signal is not reliable out here and can send you off in the totally wrong direction and you will end up who the hell knows where. I don’t.

Of course, as a child, I didn’t realize that I had this deficit. And I loved taking long walks around the little town that I grew up in and I also loved riding my bike even farther away from neighboring towns. Sometimes I would be gone for hours and my parents would be left wondering and worrying about where in the world I was at any given time.

When I finally arrived home late, they would be frantic and worried thinking something terrible had happened to me. They would call my friends and ask if they had seen me. And when I finally managed to find my way home I would try to explain that I got lost. And they would ask, “how did you get lost you gone over Helen, or Anne Marie’s house many times. How could you get lost?” And I would say, ” I don’t know I just did. I guess I made a wrong turn.”

And god forbid someone makes the mistake of stopping and asking me for directions. Because even if I have been living in the area for many, many years I am incapable of giving directions to people. It seems like I can only give them the initial direction from where I’m standing and no more. The rest of the directions are a complete mystery to me. People have said, “well, how long have you lived in this town?” And I’ll say almost twenty years.” And they respond well, how is that possible?”

I have no idea, but if you wait a few moments I’ll go get my husband and he can give you directions.” And they wait for a few minutes and then he easily gives them directions. I can see them shaking their heads and looking at me and clearly not understanding why I could tell them the same information. And the answer is, I don’t know why. I guess I’m just really bad at directions.

The only time I can get from point A to B is if someone, usually my husband writes the directions down step by step from my turn out of our driveway to my ultimate destination. I can follow directions but I can’ remember them. It is a mystery to me because I actually have an excellent memory but just not for directions. It’s a brain thing. And apparently, I’m missing that one part of my brain that tells me which way to go.

When I am going to the same destination several times a week I have no trouble getting there unless for some reason I have to go a different way. One day when I was going to my volunteer job one of the roads I took every time I went there was flooded out because of several days of rain. The river that ran next to the road rose and flooded the street. I had to turn around and try to find another path to my destination.

I spent a good hour driving all over the place and ultimately I had to go back home and have my husband drive his car and I followed him to my volunteer job. By the time I arrived, I was worn out and frustrated with myself for having such a difficult time finding my way around.

And to add insult to injury I have a similar problem when I go into buildings that I’m unfamiliar with. For instance, hospitals. Any building that has a great many halls with many doorways that look the same is like a maze to me. I can never find my way around.

I have to ask many people to give me directions to the doctor’s office or the lab where I need to have a blood test or a room where I have to get an x-ray. Just the thought of having to go to a hospital for a test fills me with anxiety. Not because I’m afraid of having the test done or finding out the results of the test but finding my way to the office or lab where I have to get the testing done. I know that sounds crazy but it’s the truth.

And then there are the experiences I’ve had within a dentist’s or doctor’s office when it is a large practice and many exam rooms. If I am told to go to Dr. So and So’s office and one of the office assistants takes me to the room all is good. But, if no one is available to take me out of the exam room and back to the receptionist’s desk you can be assured that I will make a wrong turn and be lost in the maze of look-a-like rooms and hallways and I could wander around in circles for quite a long time until I find a friendly face who is kind enough to take me to the receptionist desk.

It is believed that men have a better directional sense than women. But, the truth is I know many women that have a great sense of direction. I just don’t happen to be one of them.

After a lifetime of being on the edge every I go to a new place on my own I have learned to accept my shortcomings and my strengths. I was doing some research on what could be the possible causes for such a deficit such as no sense of direction and I found this out.

Professor Giuseppe Laria studied a potentially hereditary neurological condition known as Developmental Topographical Disorientation or DTD. This is what is believed to cause people such as myself to be unable to keep maps or directions in their minds. and be perpetually lost, sometimes in their own home. (thank goodness that hasn’t happened to me yet.)

It is reassuring that I am not alone in being unable to find my way around and that many other people suffer from this unique deficit. And even though I have struggled with this issue my entire life I managed to go to college, earn two degrees, have two children and stay married and relatively happy for most of my life. I have also lived in New Jersey, Florida, California, and now North Carolina and somehow managed to find my way to and from work, and school somehow, someway without a police escort pointing the way for me.

And so I look forward to hopefully quite a few more years of wandering in circles and seeing places I had no intention of seeing. And talking to people who are kind enough to give me directions, sometimes having to repeat the directions a couple of times to me. And so I wish you and I a Bon Voyage in our future life and maybe someday we may meet along the highway of life and I hope you will be so kind as to point me in the right direction.