Monthly Archives: February 2024

IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME

1 Reply

Did you ever consider the possibility of turning back time, and what would you change if you had that capability? And did you consider how changing the past would affect the present and your future? We have all made poor choices in our lives, but others have often told us that we learn a lesson when we make mistakes. However, science has shown that we often fail to learn from past errors. Instead, we are likely to keep repeating the same mistakes.

Looking back over my life, I recognize the mistakes I’ve made along the way. In fact, I often repeated the same mistake many times over the course of my lifetime. And I’m not alone. Many people repeat the same mistake over time. I have come to a point in my life when I have made a concerted effort not to make the same mistakes I made while I was young.

Freud

When I researched this subject, I found that Freud called this the repetition compulsion: In his words, we feel a subconscious compulsion to repeat mistakes from the past. Perhaps hoping that this time the situation will work out differently, but it rarely does. Of course, there are some experiences where we learn not to repeat those mistakes. For instance, if you pick up a hot pot or pan without any protection for your hand. You are going to get burned, and the next time, our brain will remind us to use a pot holder because of the pain we originally experienced. So we will not injure ourselves again in the same way.

However, most mistakes are often repeated over and over again, regardless of the consequences. For instance, you may have a habit of hitting the snooze alarm, turning it off, and not getting out of bed. As a result, you are always late for work or a doctor’s appointment.

However, in my own life, I found that my father’s habits strongly influenced my behavior while I was growing up and continued into my adult life. My father could not tolerate being late or anyone else being late. In fact, he was always early for everything.

In addition, my father was fastidious in every task he undertook. He was a highly intelligent man with many skills, talents, and interests. He enjoyed building things. He and his friend built a house from the roof down. He accomplished this while working full-time as the head dispatcher for PTC, the Philadelphia Transit Company Bus Company. He devised the system they used for many years for the bus drivers, public buses, and trolleys. He worked at PTC for over forty years. And he became something of a legend for his intelligence and ingenuity. He was never late or took a day off.

He was creative, and for many years, he designed collages from pictures he cut out of magazines and old books. I recall he made a large piece of art from a pool tabletop. For good luck, he attached pool cues, pool balls, playing cards, dice, and a horseshoe. It hung over our fireplace for many years. My father made the fireplace out of glass blocks, and instead of fire burning at the base of the fireplace, my father cut a mirror and fit that space. At Christmas time, he put Christmas lights inside all the glass blocks.

My father- 1960's

My father, Hugh Carberry

My father held high standards in terms of being organized. For instance, he had a basement workshop holding all his tools. And not a single thing was ever left out of place. And it would behoove anyone who borrowed his tools to put them back in pristine condition in the right place. That was me, for the most part. I was always snooping through his drawers to see what was hidden away. I was always careful to put everything back where it belonged because I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of my father’s anger.

Yes, my father liked to gamble, he played cards for money, he gambled on horse races. He was not a perfect human being, but who is?

As a child who grew up under my father’s influence, I also became highly organized and neat to the extreme. I couldn’t stand anything being messy or out of place. And I have to admit I haven’t changed much over the course of my lifetime. I have a low tolerance for anything being out of place or, god forbid, messy.

I put a lot of thought into every decision I have made throughout my lifetime. I rarely asked anyone for their advice since I trusted my own judgment. I admit I’ve made mistakes over many years, but I learned from them and didn’t repeat them.

Having said that, I find myself reconsidering some of the choices I’ve made in the past, and I don’t believe I’ve made any choices or decisions that I would want to go back in time and change my choices.

I have been retired for ten years, but I’ve kept busy doing things I enjoy. In addition, I have volunteered for the past eight years at an animal sanctuary. I have always had a deep appreciation and love of animals since I was a young child. As a child, I befriended all the dogs and cats in the neighborhood. Not to mention that I used to spend hours in our backyard watching the birds fly around our house and in and out the big Willow tree that grew there. I used to sit back and watch the birds, wishing I could fly.

Over the course of my lifetime, I have lived in New Jersey, Florida, and California, and now I’ve retired to North Carolina. I don’t regret any of it. It allowed me to meet and get to know many interesting people I wouldn’t have met otherwise. I had the opportunity to experience things I wouldn’t have been able to do. I had many interesting jobs. And a few that weren’t particularly interesting. I wouldn’t change any of it.

I‘m glad I’d had the courage to live true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Some of the things I did during my lifetime are ones I’m proud of and would never regret. I didn’t have the opportunity to go to college when I graduated from high school. I attended Temple University when I was thirty-six and graduated at forty-one. The only adult student that graduated with my class. It was a challenging experience but nonetheless wonderful. I graduated with a 4.0 average cum laude and art teaching credentials. As a result, I opened an Art School in my home in Pitman, NJ, and taught art to children, adolescents, and adults for many years until we retired.

I worked at Ranch Hope in Alloway, NJ, as a counselor for adolescent boys adjudicated by the courts to reside there. I worked there for four years. The boys that lived there were from the age of seven to eighteen. It’s called a Christian facility, but in truth, it was a prison for adolescent boys. 

I worked for the Center for Family Services in Camden, NJ, for Project Cope. I visited parents who were incinerated in prisons about allowing their children to have a mentor who was a member of one of the five churches within Camden. Camden has a crime rate of 44 per one thousand residents; Camden has one of the highest crime rates in America compared to all communities of all sizes – from the smallest towns to the very largest cities. One’s chance of becoming a victim of either violent or property crime here is one in 23. Once I established a relationship with the incarcerated parent, I would explain how their children would benefit from an adult Mentor from the city in which the children lived.

Ranch Hope and Project Cope were two opportunities that I feel did the best for the people I was trying to assist in attaining a better life than their parents had achieved.

The list of jobs I’ve had over the years is long. I do not regret a single moment of any of them. I feel as if life handed me opportunities to improve myself and do good in the world. And to take advantage of every opportunity that came my way. I did just that. I have no regrets about any of my experiences. Regardless, I still look forward to whatever life has to offer me as a challenge, and I will put all my energy into succeeding in whatever that challenge entails. Life is short, live it to the fullest that’s my point of view. And always will be until I breathe my last breath. I have no regrets whatsoever. Even though I am in my retirement years, I will continue to meet any challenge that comes my way. I’ve never let fear or trepidation stop me, and I will not allow it to stop me in the coming years that remain in my lifetime.

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

BECAUSE I WAS A GIRL, I WAS TOLD I COULDN’T BE A TUGBOAT CAPTAIN

1 Reply

Ben Franklin Bridge, Philadelphia, and New Jersey

Kathleen grew up in the early 1950’s and 1960’s in an Irish and Italian Catholic neighborhood. Everyone in the neighborhood lived in similar houses with big backyards. The Catholic church and the Catholic School were within walking distance for all the children in our neighborhood. It was unusual for any of the Catholic kids to attend public school. But all the kids who were Christian but not Catholic attended public school. They were referred to as “The Publics” by all the Catholic kids. It was like it was some disease or something. And woe be it to any Catholic School student to be ejected from the Catholic School. And then had to attend “Public School.”
Kathleen’s family consists of a mother, a father, and five siblings. Kathleen’s siblings were all a lot older than her. In fact, her eldest siblings no longer lived at home. They were married and lived with wives and their own children. That may seem like a large family, but back in the day, all the Catholic kids had large families. Kathleen had friends in school who had up to ten children, sometimes more. When Kathleen visits one of her Catholic school friends after school, she is overwhelmed by the sheer number of people who live within the walls of their homes. Homes that were approximately the same size as her own home. It had four bedrooms, two parents and six kids. The noise level alone was overwhelming. Not to mention,, there was only one bathroom, which all of the family members had to share. So, as a result, most people only bathe once a week. I kid you not.

On the bonus side, due to the large families with lots and lots of kids, Kathleen never had a shortage of friends in the neighborhood or the town to play with after school, on the weekends, holidays, and, of course, all Summer, which was every kid’s favorite time of the year.

Kathleen’s parents never really seemed to be concerned about her whereabouts. She was told to be home by five o’clock for dinner. And in the Summer to come home when it was dark. Neither one of Kathleen’s parents ever asked her where she had been or what she had been up to. When she was going out, her mother would say, “Don’t be late. Dinner is at five o’clock.” Kathleen would be out the door and on her way to visit one of her friends in no time flat. When it started getting dark out, Kathleen would jump on her bike and head home. And yelling, “See you later, alligator. And her friends would respond, “After a while, crocodile.”

When Kathleen wasn’t busy visiting her friends, riding her bike, or roller skating, she would head downtown and visit the library, or the 5&10 Store, or the candy store. If she had enough money, she would ride her bike down to the custard stand and get a vanilla custard in a cone. Sometimes, she would stop by the vegetable stand, and the nice lady who worked there would give her a piece of fruit, or the lady who worked in the town bakery would give her a donut. By the time she made all her rounds in the downtown shops, she would be so full that when she got home to eat dinner, she wasn’t in the least bit hungry.

Her mother and father would say, what’s the matter? Why don’t you eat something?’ And Kathleen would answer I’m full. Her father would say, “What’s wrong with her? She eats like a bird.” Her siblings, who knew what she had been up to downtown, didn’t say a word. They just laughed. Her next older sister would say without fail, “Yeah, a vulture.” Her mother would say, “ OK, that’s enough, stop picking on, Kathleen. And eat your dinner.”

After dinner, Kathleen helped clear the table, and then she would have to do her homework. Kathleen had trouble with math, and her mother would help her” by giving her the answers.” But Kathleen had no idea how she got the answer. And then her father would say, “Come here, I’ll show you the right way to do it. But his way was completely different than what she learned in school. And the more they helped her, the more confused she got.

After her homework was finished, if it were one of her father’s nights off, she would sit in the living room with him and watch Gunsmoke with him or Wagon Train or Have Gun Will Travel? They both loved the old Western TV shows. But woe be to anyone who sat in the living room and made the mistake of talking while Kathleen’s father was watching TV.

Around nine o’clock, Kathleen’s mother would say, “Time for bed, time for bed.’

Kathleen would beg to stay up later, but her mother knew if she didn’t make her go to bed now, she would want to stay up until 10 PM. And that was out of the question. So, finally, Kathleen would give in and get up, and her mother would say, “Woah, you have to go in and brush your teeth. And you know you have to say your prayers before you go to sleep.”

“Kathleen would roll her eyes and go in and brush her teeth as fast as she could. And then spit it out and drink some water. And head off to her bedroom. Her mother would yell up the steps, ” Your prayers, say your prayers.” And Kathleen would say, “Yes, Mom, yes, Mom. “ She would say a fast Hail Mary and Our Father and then bless herself and try to fall asleep as soon as possible before her sisters came in the room they shared and woke her up with all the rackett they made all the time. As Kathleen started to fall asleep, she remembered she had to get her mother to sign a paper to go on a trip to the Ben Franklin Museum. She fell asleep before she took the paper downstairs. By the next morning, Kathleen completely forgot about the permission slip.

The next day, when Kathleen arrived at school, she realized that she hadn’t gotten the permission slip signed. And she decided to run home as fast as she could and have her mom sign it. The school wasn’t that far away. But she just barely made it back to school before the morning bell rang to go to school. Katleen was out of breath. She felt sick to her stomach since she ran so fast and she had just eaten breakfast before she left for school. Kathleen sat on the school bus quietly for the whole trip from her school to the Ben Franklin Museum. She felt like she was going to throw up any minute. Finally, Sister Joseph said, “Alright, we here. Everyone slowly gets up and brings any and all belongings with them. And form one line and follow the student in front of you.

As Kathleen got off the bus, she realized that she was going to be sick, and she stepped on the sidewalk and threw up. Unfortunately, Sister St. Joseph was standing there. And she was on the receiving end of Kathleen’s upset stomach. All the kids started laughing until they saw Sister Joseph Catherine’s face. Then they immediately stopped laughing, double-timed it, and entered the double doors in front of the Ben Franklin Museum. It looked like everything would be alright until one of the boys started laughing, and before you knew it. All of the kids were laughing. Kathleen knew she was in big trouble. Sister Joseph Catherine was two-stepping it in her direction. “Kathleen, you are to stay by my side for the rest of the day; after we leave the museum, you will sit next to me on the bus back to school. Do you understand?”

I looked down and nodded yes to her, the thought of sitting next to her on the bus all the way back to school, seemed like a nightmare. If there were any way to get out of this mess, she would do it. Catherine felt a tear run down her cheek, and more followed. Catherine wiped her sleeve across her cheek. There was no way she was going to let anyone see her crying. Kathleen took a deep breath. And slowly walked toward Sister Joseph Catherine. This was going to be a terrible day. Katherine wished she had stayed home.

For the next several hours, Kathleen followed Sister Joseph Catherine all around the museum. She could barely look at the exhibits. She decided that on the next school trip, she intended to pretend to be sick. Because there was no way she was going to repeat this outing.

Kathleen’s stomach started to growl. She didn’t eat any breakfast this morning. And she was really thirsty. And then Kathleen heard Sister Joseph Catherine say,” It’s time for lunch. Let’s head back to the bus. That was the moment Kathleen realized she had forgotten to bring her lunch bag. And she didn’t have any money to buy lunch in the cafeteria.

Luckily, her best friend Helen asked her to sit next to her. When Anne Marie realized that Kathleen didn’t have lunch, she said, “No problem, you can have half of mine. My mother always packs too much lunch.” Kathleen smiled at her and said,” Thank you. I’m really starving. So, they found a table in the cafeteria and quietly ate their lunch together. Anne Marie said, “Wow, Sister Joseph Catherine really has it in for you today. “

“Yeah, I wish I didn’t even come today. She never leaves me alone.”

“Well, we had fun together, and your lunch was really good. Your mom makes great sandwiches. I guess we’ll see the rest of the museum when we’ve finished lunch. I love seeing “The Big Heart.”

“You do; I think it’s creepy, and the beating of the Big Heart makes me feel sick to my stomach. I hope the next time we go on a field trip, we do something new.”  The Big Heart

“ Yeah, your right, they should take us somewhere new.”
The next thing they knew, the sister was calling all the students to gather as they were going to leave the museum and go see some historical sites, starting with City Hall. “Alright, children, we are going to get back on the bus and head towards City Hall to see all the historical sites. I want you to pay particular attention to the speaker because we are going to have a test at the end of the week regarding that period of history.” There was a group moan from all the children. Why did the sister always ruin everything with tests after an outing?

After the visit to City Hall, the kids all got tired and bored. They had enough history in one day and just wanted to go home. And before you knew it, the tour of the City Hall was over, and they were loaded back onto their bus and headed back across the Ben Franklin Bridge and back to New Jersey. All the kids were tired, and several of them fell asleep on the ride back to school. Kathleen was one of them. And then suddenly, the bus stopped. Kathleen woke up. “What’s happening?” The bridge is up because there’s a big ship going underneath it. It’s cool. You can see it if you look out the window.

All the students were glued to the windows, looking at the open bridge and at the gigantic ship that was passing under the bridge. The kids were excited and staring out the windows. When the ship got to the other side of the bridge, all the students tried to get to the other side of the bridge. All the kids started clapping.

The next day, the students were asked to write an essay about their outing, and they all talked about their outing to the Ben Franklin Museum. Kathleen decided to write about what it was like in the Big Heart exhibit. She wrote down every detail that she could remember. Then she decided that her next favorite experience was waiting to cross the Bridge while the bridge was up and the big ship was passing beneath. She added that she decided that she wanted to grow up and be either the captain of one of those big ships or in charge of the bridge.

When Kathleen got her paper back, the teacher said she had written a good description of her experience on their outing. However, there was no way that any female was going to grow up to be the captain of a ship or man at the Ben Franklin Bridge. Her teacher said, “She should accept that girls would grow up to get married and have children, or they could become teachers or maybe nurses because that’s what girls were supposed to do.

Kathleen got so mad that her teacher said that the only thing girls would be is a mother, a teacher, or a nurse. She decided that, on that very day, no matter what it took, she was going to be the captain of a boat or be in charge of the Ben Franklin Bridge.Tugboat going under Ben Franklin Bridge, Philadelphia/ NJ

But, it wasn’t until 1968 that a woman was allowed to work as a tugboat captain in New Jersey. But, after that first woman was hired, other women did the same. Sure enough, Kathleen was one of those women to be a tugboat captain, and she crossed the Ben Franklin Bridge countless times in her lifetime as a captain of a tugboat. And she led the way for other women to do the same. And it was because of women like her that all women were allowed to work in occupations that formerly had been men only.

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

A MODERN DAY FAIRY TALE

1 Reply

There once was a little girl named Sally who was different in many ways from all the other little girls. She was even quite different from her four sisters. She didn’t resemble any of them in their looks or their behavior. It had occurred to her own mother that somehow she had gotten the wrong baby when she went to the hospital.

As soon as the little girl was old enough, her mother would allow her to explore her neighborhood. But first, her mother said, “ I have to teach you how to cross the street by yourself; otherwise, you could be hit by a car. And sure enough, that very day, Sally’s mother took her out to the curb on the street in front of their house and said,” Now, Sally, you have to be very careful when you cross the street. This street is very busy. So, you have to look both ways. First, you look right, then left, then right again. If no cars are coming, you can safely cross the street. Sally was a little afraid to cross the street on her own. But she was also brave and looked right, left, and right again. And there weren’t any cars coming from either direction. And so, Sally walked across the street and back again.

Her mother hugged her and said,” Good job, Sally. Remember to do that every time I woudn’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Mommy, can I walk up and down our street too?”

“Yes, Sally, but always look both ways. And don’t talk to strangers, either. And don’t ever get into a car with someone you don’t know. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mommy I understand, look both ways, twice and don’t talk to strangers or get into cars with them. I won’t forget.”

And so, from that day forward, Sally began a life of adventures. Sally didn’t tell her mom or daddy where she went or what she did. Because they never asked, and she followed her mother’s rules. The first thing she did was to walk two houses down and visit Mrs. Collin’s house. She loved going there because Mrs. Collins had many, many cats. They came outside and strolled up and down the backyard inside a long cage that ran from the back of Mrs. Collin’s house to the end of her property. Sally knew all their names. She didn’t know for sure how many there were because they never held still for long, so it was hard to count them.

Plus, Sally hadn’t started school yet. And she wasn’t good at counting. But, nonetheless, Sally loved every one of those cats and made sure she petted each and every one of them when she went over to their backyard to visit them.

Sally had a big imagination. While she was out and about, she would make up stories. And when her neighbors would ask her what she was up to, she often told a tall tale about her adventures every day.

One day, one of her neighborhood friends came outside to play, and Sally decided to tell her a story. It was a made-up story. But her girlfriend didn’t know that. Sally went on to tell her friend, Jillian, that she was actually an alien from outer space and she had come here to take Jillian with her to her planet. Jillian began to cry at the top of her lungs that she didn’t want to go to another planet. She cried so much that Sally got frightened and said, “Jillian, I was just making pretend. I’m not from another planet; I’m not taking you anywhere.” Jillian kept crying, and Sally decided she better take her home. Sally didn’t see Jillian for another week. So, she went over to Jillian’s house and knocked on the door. Jillian’s father answered the door. And he looked very angry, he said,” What do you want? You know that Jillian is still upset by that story you told her the other day; don’t scare her again with your stories. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand. I was pretending. It was a game.”

“Yes, but Jillian didn’t know you were playing a game.”

“OK, I won’t do that again. Can I please play with Jillian today?”
“Yes, but come back after lunchtime. Jillian is eating lunch.”

“OK, I’ll come back after lunchtime. Can we go Jillian and I go to the playground then?”

“Yes, do you know how to cross the street?”
“Yes, my mom taught me. I’ll hold Jillian’s hand when we cross.”

“Alright, but make sure she is home before dinnertime.”

“I will. She will be safe with me.”

Sally decided to go home and see if her mother had lunch ready since her stomach was growling. Sure enough, when she got home, she could smell Chicken Noodle Soup cooking and her favorite sandwich, grilled cheese with Lebanon Bologna, when she walked into the kitchen. Her father was sitting at the table. And he said, “Well, Sally, what have you been up to?”

“Oh, nothing. I just went over to Jillian to ask her to come out and play, and I was told to come back after lunch. So, here I am.”

“So you are. Have a seat. Here comes your lunch. And don’t gulp it down. And clear the table before you leave. Push your chair in after getting up, and then brush your teeth. Sally took a long breath after her father said all of that. And she sighed. Her father always gave her a long list of things she had to do. Sometimes, he was in a bad mood, and he would yell at her and tell her to stop talking so much because she loved to tell her mother and father about her adventures. Her older sisters always laughed at her. And said,’ Wow, she really has a wild imagination, doesn’t she?”

Her father would always say, “Leave her alone day that imagination is going to take her places. And then her older sister said, “Yeah, a nut house.” Sally’s father said, “That’s enough; don’t be mean to your little sister.”

After lunch, her mother said, “Sally, go in and brush your teeth before you go out. And wash your face, too; you have peanut butter all over it. And don’t forget to brush your teeth. Sally moaned. She hated brushing her teeth. Sally went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Her mother made her brush her teeth with peroxide and baking soda. It tasted awful. It made her feel sick. She rinsed her mouth out about five times and then did it again. Why, oh why, couldn’t she brush her teeth with toothpaste like everyone else?

Sally came out of the bathroom and asked, “Is it OK if I walked downtown to the Ben Franklin 5&10 and Rexall? I have a whole dollar saved, can I, can I?”

“Yes, but be careful crossing the streets. Do it at the red light, not in the middle of Main Street. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I’ll be careful. Can I stop at the library too? I want to get some new books?”

“Sure, that’s a good idea. Maybe you won’t spend so much time watching TV all afternoon and night.”

“Yes, Mom. I’ll see you later.”

Sally said, “See you later.” As soon as she exited the front door, Sally started running down Main Street as fast as possible. Sally loved to run; she also liked riding her bike. But she wasn’t allowed to ride it downtown because of all the traffic. Before she knew it she was in front of the Bakery. She could smell the sweet aroma of cakes, pies, donuts, and cookies. Oh, it was heaven. Sally decided to stop into the bakery and say hello to all the people who worked there. They always gave her a cookie or a donut when she stopped by because she would regale them with long stories about her adventures around town. They thought she was making it up, but she wasn’t. Sally did a lot of interesting things. Just last week, she had borrowed her older sister’s bike and road down to the next town where there was a lake. And she spent the entire afternoon walking in the water up to her knees and sitting in the sand. She just loved it there. One of the bakers, whose name was Thelma, said, “Well, what have you been up to, Sally?”

“Oh, nothing much, but I did walk all the way to the Custard Stand last week and bought myself a custard. I bought a vanilla one. It was delicious.”

“Sally, where do you get all the money to buy treats?”
“Oh, I walk all around Main Street and look for coins people drop.”

“ Well, you must be really lucky. But you better brush your teeth. Too much sugar rots your teeth.”

“I know, I know. My mother tells me that night and day.”
“Well, where are you headed now?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll take a walk to my Uncle Bill’s house. It’s not too far from here. And they always give me a snack and sometimes even a soda. And my uncle likes to draw things. He showed me how to draw a horse. And my Aunt Betty is really nice. They don’t have kids, so they like when I visit them. Sometimes, my Uncle Bill gives me a silver dollar.’’

“Well, aren’t you the lucky one?”

“Yes, I guess I am. Well, I guess I’ll be on my way. I want to go to the library and get some more books. I’m reading about dinosaurs now. I wish we still had dinosaurs.”

The people in the bakery laughed and said,” Oh, I don’t know about that. They may decide to eat you for dessert. And then she laughed; they all did. The ladies working in the bakery thought Sally was an interesting kid, always up to something. She was probably giving her mother and father grey hair before their time.

And then Sally said, “Well, I guess I’ll see you later. And before they knew it, she was out the door yelling, thanks for the donuts. And she was off to her next adventure. Sally absolutely loved her adventures. And she knew that someday when she grew up, she was going to go on even better adventures far away, maybe even to another country. And she did, when she grew up she went on many adventures far and wide, and brought home all kind of suveneirs. She spent many of her years writing stories about her adventures and even painting pictures of the places and the people she met along the way. Who knows what she will do next? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

IS GETTING OLD A GIFT OR A CURSE

1 Reply

Well, here I am, ten years into my retirement. It’s hard to believe how quickly time has flown by. But the truth of the matter is that I didn’t believe I was going to live to be this old. Because when I was fifty-six, I began having cardiac symptoms, shortness of breath, and angina pains up and down my arm. I ignored these symptoms for a short time until the symptoms got worse. And I finally made an appointment to see a cardiologist. After undergoing many medical procedures and tests, I was diagnosed with Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Which my cardiologist told me was a type of congestive heart failure. He said you are now just a cardiac patient.”

I had a difficult time accepting this diagnosis. I had been a vegetarian for sixteen years. I exercised every day of my life. I had never smoked, did drugs, or drank. Apparently, this type of heart failure was congenital, and my mother had suffered from congestive heart failure as well. She passed away in 1987 when I was thirty-six years old. The first cardiologist I went to put me through many tests but really didn’t even attempt to treat me in any way. Other than giving me a prescription for high cholesterol and high blood pressure. After going to this cardiologist for one year, I decided to look for a new doctor who might actually find a treatment that would improve my health and extend my lifespan. 

My new cardiologist, Dr. Drachman, informed me that my heart disease was at a stage at this time where I had a twenty-five percent chance of living five more years or succumbing to an unexpected cardiac arrest at any time.

You can imagine how distraught I was at that time. I certainly had never prepared myself for such an abrupt ending. I considered the options for the remaining time I had left to live. I decided to let myself be happy and fill my days with activities that let me feel jot each day. And for the most part, I was happy. Although, as with anyone’s life from one day to the next, things do not always go our way.

Blue and Gold Macaw

Blue and Gold Macaw

And I also found that there is a certain lightness in knowing you could die at any time. It made me not want to waste any time. Of course, I couldn’t avoid sadness or anger completely. However, I did decide that I would no longer interact with the people in my life, which caused me to feel bad.

As time went on, and I continued to survive, I began to have hope that I would keep on living for some time. And low and behold, a new heart medication became available, Entresto. And sure enough, this medication allowed me to live with less pain, breathe more easily, and continue living a full life without the fear of sudden death.

So, here I am, retired and living in North Carolina. We (my husband and my youngest daughter have just begun the ninth year of our retirement. I don’t know what everyone else does during their retirement, but I got busy. I took another college course so I could work with The Guardian Ad Litem in the NC family court. But, I found it was not a good fit for me. After several months of sitting for hours and hours and listening to lawyers go on and on. And parents give pathetic reasons for not taking care of their own children. It just wasn’t for me. However, many people found it to be a good fit for them.

I considered what other outlets I might find in our living area. And I decided that although I had always loved working with children. I also had a great love for animals. And I found Animal Edventure in Coats, NC and went there and was interviewed. And here I am, almost nine years later. I have been taking care of parrots and Macaws. I have always loved birds.

This is Douglas, and we adopted him from Animal Edventure when we retired

In addition, for the past eight years, I have been writing this blog, Write ON, with short stories and memoirs. It has been an eye-opening experience for me. And one that has been both challenging and enjoyable. And now I have reached the grand old age of seventy-two. The years have flown by. I don’t know my future, but I look forward to each day.

This is a photo of me writing one of the stories in my blog, Write On.

So, is getting old a gift or a curse? I would have to say that every day I live is a gift. And I’m grateful for it. I don’t know yet what lies in my future or how long I have left to live in this life. But I know that every moment is precious, and I don’t want to miss any of it. Even though I know that my life has had many ups and downs. I’m ready for the challenges and the changes. And yes, even the sameness if that is what comes down the road. I hope to live every moment to its fullest. And do good along the way, when or wherever I can.

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.