Monthly Archives: March 2024

A LIFE WITHOUT PETS WOULD BE AN EMPTY ONE

I find myself sitting here reflecting on my life as I live what will be the last years of my life. I have considered all the things that have brought me the most happiness. The fact is that there has been a plethora of experiences; I grew up in an Irish Catholic family with a mother and father and five siblings. I am part of the Baby Boomer generation.

My generation had a great deal of freedom as children. My parent’s only directive when I left my house was to be home in time for dinner. They never asked where I was going or what I would be doing. I kid you not. No questions were asked as long as I was home in time for dinner. After dinner was over and the kitchen cleaned up, it would be time to do my homework. My mother would go over and over my spelling words with me. My father would help me with my math homework. He was not as patient with me as my mother was. But he did his best. I have to admit I didn’t invest much of my energy into my school work. I was more interested in playing with my friends and visiting all my animal friends in the neighborhood.

The neighbor, who lived two houses away from my house, had a collection of cats. They were allowed to go in and out of the house at will since a cellar window was kept open at all times. They stayed in the fenced-in area that ran the length of the property.

My furry best friend was a stray orange cat named Strottles. He had been originally owned by our next-door neighbors, a family whose last name was Lombardi. They were of Italian descent. My family was of Irish descent. My father did not care for Italian families simply because they were Italian and not Irish. In fact, most families in Maple Shade, where I grew up, were either of Irish or Italian descent. And they were Catholic. Maple Shade also had a public school system; we called them “The Publics.” As if they were some mutants or something. Anyone who misbehaved in Catholic School would be warned to behave, or they would be sent to “The Public School.” The nuns always made it sound like it was a fate worse than death. I kid you not. 

Getting back to my original point, I just fell in love with Strottles; I used to feed him on the sly since his original owners, the Lomardi’s, threw him out of their house as if he was some killer or something. All was well until one unfortunate day when my mother took the garbage outside to put it in the garbage can and left our kitchen door open. My mother had a pet parakeet, whose name was Pretty Bird, in a cage on the kitchen wall. About an hour before dinner time, my mother would let open the door on Pretty Boy’s cage after the table was set. And the Pretty Boy would fly out of the cage and onto the table. And then, he would push all of the silverware onto the floor. My mother thought that this was hilarious. And so every night out would come my mother’s bird and knock off the silverware. Unfortunately, Strottles saw that the side kitchen door was open and ran into the house, jumped up on the table, and killed my mother’s beloved parakeet.

I wasn’t even in the kitchen at that time, but my mother was so heartbroken by the death of her dear parakeet. My father decided that this whole experience was my fault because I befriended Strottles. And so, after yelling at me for a good. For a long while, my father told me to go down to the cellar. And stayed there until I was told I could come out. I stood alone in the cellar crying, my heart broken as well because I loved both my mother’s bird and Strottles, and I loved my mother with all my heart. It took me a long, long time to get over this event. Well, actually, I never really got over this experience. I still feel bad about some sixty years later. In addition, my father made one of my older sisters take Strottles down the street to the railroad tracks. And I never saw Strotles again. I cried and cried until my father told me to shut up about the damm cat.

After that experience, I continued to befriend all the animals in my neighborhood. I did not share this information with either my mother or father and certainly not my siblings. Truthfully, my love and attachment to animals of all kinds just grew over time. I used to feed the squirrels and the wild birds. And the ducks and the swans at Strawbridge Lake. Which was a favorite haunt of mine. I would ride my bike there, take a lunch bag with me, and throw the leftovers to the local wildlife. It was a good three-mile bike ride from my house. But that didn’t bother me in the least. Sometimes, my best friend would go with me, and sometimes, I would go alone. As usual, my parents wouldn’t ask where I had been as long as I was home on time for lunch or dinner. I kept begging my parents for a pet, and they wouldn’t get one for a long time. My father was given a female dog named Nomie. My father became attached to her. My father felt dogs should be able to come and go as they pleased. He didn’t believe in spaying dogs, so as a result, Nomie got pregnant. My father gave away all the puppies when they were born after they stopped nursing. Nomie became ill, and the vet said, “She has milk fever.” The vet put Nomie down. I was heartbroken. I missed her so much. And then my father gave away all the puppies.

After that, we didn’t have any pets for a long, long time. Even though I had haunted my mother night and day about wanting a pet, finally, my father gave in and bought me a hamster. I fell in love with that little guy. Unfortunately, hamsters do not have a long life span. But I didn’t know that. And that was the last pet we had for a long time. Until one of my older siblings gave my father a dog. My father named him Andy, and my father loved that dog. It was the first time I saw my father get attached to an animal. Andy would sit next to my father no matter where he was located, especially when my father was watching the news. My father would sit in “his chair” while he watched TV at night. And Andy would sit on the floor next to the chair. My father would pet his all the way up until the ll” o’clock news when my father went to bed.

I would let Andy out during the day to roam all around town. My father didn’t believe animals should be spayed, he felt it was there only pleasure in life, besides eating. All our neighbors complained because Andy would” Do His Business” in everyone’s front yard. In addition, everyone in town suggested that Andy was fathering a hoard of Andy lookalikes all over Maple Shade. Andy lived a long life, unfortunately my father suffered a stroke and wasn’t able to speak clearly after that.

After that, my father started coughing all the time, and one day, when I came over to visit my parents, my father indicated that he wanted me to look in the toilet. I went in there, and the toilet was filled with bloody water. I arranged for my father to see a doctor ASAP. And it turned out my father had developed Lung Cancer, and the disease was too far along to treat. My father was quite ill for the entire time, survived, and eventually passed away. During the time my father was in the hospital, Andy had gotten ill, and he had to be put down. It was a heartbreaking experience for us all.

My mother was not in the best shape after my father’s passing. I had to arrange for a caretaker to come and stay at my parent’s house during the week. Since all of my siblings were working then, we would take turns having my mother stay at our house on the weekends. My mother had developed dementia by then and could not be on her own. It was the saddest time in my life. My own children, who were six and three, don’t really have any memories of my dear mother. This is so unfortunate since my mother was the kindest and most caring person I have ever known.

It is incredible how quickly passes by. Here I am now, retired and living in North Carolina. I volunteer at an animal sanctuary three mornings a week, caring for a building full of parrots and two pheasants. Not only that, I adopted two dogs and four parrots,  six finches, and a cat who belongs to my youngest daughter, who moved with us to North Carolina. My oldest daughter is married and has three cats. So, loving animals with a run in our blood. I can’t imagine not having animals in my life at any time. They have always filled that empty spot I have in my heart. And I’m sure as long as I am able to, I will have dogs, cats, and birds as part of my family.

Mom, sitting at the kitchen table,

 

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

FAIRY TALES DO SOMETIMES COME TRUE

It was one of those beautiful early Spring days in North Carolina. My boss unexpectedly gave me a day off.

He said, “You’ve been working so hard for the past several weeks. Why don’t you take tomorrow off? You can sleep in, go out to lunch with some of your friends, and forget about work for a few hours. 

I took one look at him, just to be sure he wasn’t pulling my leg. And sure enough, he was serious. “Really, I would love that. I haven’t had any time to myself in a long time, and I know exactly what I’d like to do.”

“Really, what’s that?” Oh, I know, go clothes shopping. I know how you ladies love to shop and buy clothes.”

“While that might be true for some women. It’s not true for me. I like to spend any “extra money” on my garden.”

“Well, whatever stokes your fire, I say. Have a ball and buy all the flowers you want. You only live once.”

“Thanks so much. I have about another hour to finish my report. I’ll email it to you when I’m finished, and I” ‘ll see you on Monday.”

That night, I must have checked the weather report ten times before I went to bed. We get a whole lot of rain in the early Spring here in North Carolina, so I kept my fingers crossed that tomorrow it wouldn’t rain. I also hoped it would rain the next day so that newly planted rose bushes and Day Lilies would get watered in.

I woke up at the crack of dawn the next morning, but to my surprise, it was still dark out. Then I remembered the clocks had been turned back recently. Honestly, I wish we could stop moving time forward and then back again. It takes me so long to adjust to it. Enough already, I say.

I rolled out of bed, gingerly put my legs over the edge of the bed, and headed toward my bathroom. I grabbed my sunblock and applied it liberally to every exposed part of my body. I am as pale as they come, and if I don’t douse myself with sunblock, I will be burnt to a crisp. I’m not exaggerating. Well, maybe I’m exaggerating a little.

And off I went to my backyard to get my gardening tools out of my little tool shed. As I opened the door, I saw something move rapidly across the front of the shed and out the back. I can’t be sure, but I think it might have been some rabbit. I sure as hell hope it isn’t a rat. I don’t mind squirrels, but rabbits love to eat all the vegetables I grow in my raised bed garden. And believe it or not, they are not averse to eating my flowers. The only thing they haven’t touched is my cactus and succulent garden.

I gathered my heeley hoe, my gardening gloves, and some containers to stash the grass and weeds I dug up. I was about ready to start when I heard one of my neighbors yell, “Good morning. I hope you have a great day. Good luck with your garden.” 

It is my next-door neighbor, Piero; he is a nice man and always says hello, but beyond that, he minds his own business. Occasionally, he asks me gardening questions. And I’m more than willing to offer him advice or lend him a hand. He is an elderly man and not completely steady on his feet. Occasionally, he will ask me to come over and give him a hand with his grape vine that grows over his arbor. And I am more than happy to do that. Because eventually, he will turn those beautiful grapes into wine. And he always shares it with me.

I walk over to his fence and ask him, “How are you feeling? How’s life treating you these days?”

“Oh, good, good, the usual aches and pains, but nothing I can’t tolerate. I’ ’m looking forward to seeing your garden this year.”

“ And I’m looking forward to that wonderful wine you make.” Piero laughed and said, “That’s down the road a bit, but I won’t forget you. And if you have any free time, could you come over and help me get my ladder out of the garage and carry it back next to the trellis?”

“Yes, sure, but only if you let me hold the ladder until you’re done. I don’t want anything untoward to happen to you.”

“Yes, yes, you’re afraid I’ll fall and break my neck, but I’ll be fine. I need a steady hand to hold the ladder. It will only take a few minutes.”

“I’ll be right there. Meet me in front of your garage. And I’ll get the ladder out for you.”

I went to the side of my house, opened my gate, closed it behind me, and headed over to Piero’s front yard and garage. I could hear him rustling around inside the garage. The next moment, the garage door opened, and there was Piero—out of breath just from opening the door. I can’t tell you how worried I was about Pierro. He was such a kind and generous man that I couldn’t bear it if something unforeseen happened to him.

“Are you alright, Pierro?”

“Yes, yes, stop you’re worrying. You are like an old mother hen, guarding her eggs.’

“Old mother hen, HUH? Well, that’s a new one. And then we both started laughing. Pierro laughed so hard that he started coughing. I patted him on the back until he caught his breath again. “Ok, let’s go. I’m alright now. Don’t worry so much.”

“Well, Pierro, worrying about the people I love is in my genes.”

“Pierro looked at me, and I saw a tear run down his face. And he wiped it away with the back of his hand. I said, “Here, let me grab the ladder. And before he could try to get it, I picked it up and said, “I’ll meet you out back.”

He met me out back. He must have raced all the way because he was out of breath. “Are you alright, Piero? You look like you can’t breathe.”

“ Ok, don’t start that again, I’m fine.”

I set up the ladder next to the trellis, and we began attaching the vine to it. We worked together, and before you knew it. It was done. Piero stood there smiling from ear to ear. This is one of the reasons I loved Piero, small things made him happy, he never complained. And even better, he had led a highly interesting life. And I loved hearing about it. He had served in the military and had several medals to attest to his courage and fortitude. And the stories he would tell were spellbinding. I can’t express how much I love this old man; the thought of never seeing him again at some time in the future breaks my heart. So, I made every effort to block it from my mind. I call out to him, “Hey Piero, how about coming over for dinner tonight? If it’s nice, we can eat on the back porch. I’m making your favorite spaghetti and meatballs. And I made a cheesecake, your favorite?”

“I say, “ what time, I’ll be there with bells on.”

“Really, that is a sight I would love to see. Be here at 5 o’clock sharp. Don’t be late.”

I saw a grin cross his face from ear to ear. “I’ll be there on the dot of five.”

I smiled at him, waved, and said, “See you later, crocodile.” He laughed like it was the first time I said it to him, but I say it every time I talk to him. I waved and headed back into the house, stirring my sauce pot. I can’t help but think how lucky I was to move next to this gentle old man. He’s the father and grandfather I never had.

At five o’clock on the dot, I hear my doorbell ring. I look out the window, and sure enough, it is Piero looking back at me with a big smile on his face, and he is rubbing his tummy in preparation for the big pot of spaghetti and sauce. He says, Buonasera, which means Good Evening in Italian. I only know Buonasera and Bon Journo, which means Good Day. He arrives with a big smile and a bottle of his wine. “Come in, come in, no formalities between you and me after all this time, Piero. You are so, so welcome in my home.”

The meal was good; even if I say so myself, the sauce was perfection. And the spaghetti was cooked just long enough, but not too much. “Don’t forget to eat your veggies, Pierro. You can have the cheesecake for dessert if you eat them all.” A big smile crossed his face. And then he said, Did I ever tell you about my Uncle Rudy, he made wine in the old country? I worked there for many years when I was quite young.”

I had heard this story many, many times over the years. But I said, “Oh, please continue. I love hearing about your Uncle and Aunt and the vineyard.”

And so he began the litany of his whole life, growing up working in his Uncle’s vineyard, making the wine. It didn’t matter how many times I heard this story, and I loved hearing it. The love that his family had for one another was heartwarming. I couldn’t hear it enough. I grew up in Foster Homes from my entire childhood through my eighteenth birthday. And that is when I was released from the states care to the big, cold world. One which I had no clue how to navigate. I hadn’t even finished high school. When I found myself on my own, with no job, no money, and no place to go. I ended up working at fast food restaurants. One of my coworkers offered to let me share his room if I would pay half the rent. And then took some night classes at the local county college. I learn how to use computers. It turned out that I had a natural gift for programming, which turned my life around.

I began to become well-known in the field and was offered one promotion after another. And here I am, living the good life. I own my home, which I paid off in five years. I have a new car. In fact, I have the means to “buy” myself anything I need or want. But I always wanted a family that loved me as far back as I can remember.

And then one day when I was in the main office where I worked a young woman knocked on my office door. I signaled for her to come in as I was talking on the phone to a client. I glanced over at her; she looked like a breath of fresh air. I couldn’t stop glazing over at her. Finally, I was able to get off the phone. I looked over at her and said, “Can I help you? And she said, “Well, actually, I’m here to help you. I’m your new assistant. My name is Angela DeMateo if Could you be so kind as to tell me what you need to be done ASAP? And what can wait? I will get down to business. “

Without realizing it, I kept staring at her, unsure as to what I should do or say. And then she cleared her throat and said, “Perhaps I should begin by familiarizing myself with your most important clients. And I will go from there. I pointed to my filing cabinet and said, “I suggest you begin with the McFarland file. They are my biggest client. Once you have a grasp of what we need to move forward with from there we can talk again, If you have any questions at all, please feel free to ask. Here is my cell phone number if you ever need to contact me when I’m out with a client or working at home.”

Angela nodded her head and said, “I understand. I will begin now, if at anytime you need my assistance I will be availale. And that was the last time I saw her that morning until Angela buzzed me and asked if she could order lunch for me. And if so, what did I want? I told her anything but fast food and bad memories attached to fast food restaurants. She said, “ I understand. And I will be back ASAP with your lunch.” And she was in a shake of a lamb’s tail. The lunch was delicious. The next time I saw her was about thirty-five minutes before closing time. She came into my office and handed me what she said were the files that she had completed. I quickly looked them over. And it appeared as if she could fulfill any task set before her.

I said, “Angela, I think it is safe for you to leave now. I’m caught up on my clients. Thanks to you. I will see you no later than 9 a.m. tomorrow. Have a good evening, Angela.” She looked at me and said, “I hope you have a good evening. I’ll see you first thing tomorrow. You have my cell number if you need to contact me for any reason.”

And so it began. Over time, I realized that not only did I become reliant on Angela at work, but I knew that my feelings toward her ran deeper. So, although I knew it was a bad idea, I asked Angela if she would be interested in going out to dinner with me. At first, she hesitated, and I just stood my ground, and finally, she said, “Yes, I would like to have dinner with you.”

And that evening marked a beginning of my life, it was clear to everyone but me that I was in love with Angela, and life without her would be a sad life indeed. We began seeing her on a regular basis. We became good friends, and then it became more. She hadn’t mentioned any boyfriends. I asked her, “Could you please tell me the length and breadth of your feelings for me? Please be honest. Please tell me if you’re not interested in a long-term relationship.”

Angela closed the door behind her, walked over to me, put her arms around me, and kissed me. I took that as a firm “yes” that she was interested in. And friend, that was the beginning of my new life with a woman I loved, and I am getting married. And the rest, my friends, is history. Finding true love and happiness with a woman who loved me. And if that isn’t a happy ending to a fairytale, I don’t know what is.

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

I AM WHAT I AM AND THAT’S ALL THAT I AM- QUOTE BY POPEYE

As I look back over my life, I often wonder what experiences shaped the person I’ve become. And I have to say it wasn’t any one experience or factor. It was a combination of many interpersonal experiences, including those who were part of my life and those who passed through it. I admit that genetics certainly played a part in this as well.

Certainly, each of my parents had a major influence on my developing personality, and my siblings and extended family affected my development as well. I and my fraternal twin were the last children to be born into my family. Well, that’s not completely true. My mother gave birth to two twin boys two years after my sister and I were born. They were named Steven and Girard. Unfortunately, they were born prematurely and only lived a short time.

As a result, my family consisted of my mother, my father, one older brother, and five sisters, of whom my twin and I were the youngest. We were born in May of 1951. My sister and I were were fraternal twins not identical.. We were born seven minutes apart. I, however, have no memories of these events. I have few memories of my early childhood. I recall when my sister and I started attending elementary school at our Lady of Perpetual Help School in Maple Shade, New Jersey, a small town about twenty-five minutes drive from Philadelphia, PA.

We were in the same first-grade classroom, and no one realized we were related, let alone twins. Since we did not resemble each other in any way. I was somewhat on the small side, and Karen looked at least a year or so older than I. In addition, I was shy, and my twin was more outgoing. And there was also the fact that my twin wasn’t particularly fond of me and avoided interaction with me at school. Whenever we were together, we would argue and fight. I don’t recall what we fought about. But it was clear that my twin didn’t want to spend time with me in school or at home. We both had our own friends. And never played together when we were at home.

The facts of the matter are that although we attended Catholic School together in the same classrooms for eight years. My sister made every effort to ignore that I was her sister, in fact, she continued with this behavior throughout highschool. In recent years, I asked her why she ignored me and pretended that I wasn’t her sister for twelve years; she stated that it was because we were” both so different from one another.

We are clearly completely different from one another, as night and day. She was outgoing, while I was quiet and somewhat shy. She had a larger group of friends than I had in school. I also had friends; they were not the popular girls and boys but the clever and funny kids. I was artistic and creative and loved making and creating things. And then there was that side of me that loved animals.

After we graduated from high school at St. Mary Of The Angels Academy, located in Haddonfield, NJ, we both found employment and started working. A mailing service company hired my sister. She made progress at this company and moved up the company ladder quickly. It turned out that she had a head for business, and she did quite well for herself.

I found employment working as a dental assistant for Dr. Edward Wozniak in Oaklyn, New Jersey. I worked six days a week, several nights a week, and Saturdays. My personality was a plus for this position because I realized that I enjoyed interacting with adults and children. And I was highly organized and efficient. I learned how to be a chairside assistant and what dental instruments to use with each procedure. I developed the xrays. And answered the phones and made appointments. I had always been a neat and orderly child, and I wasn’t even aware I had these skills until I started working. I began to understand on a personal level that I was intelligent, organized, and had the ability to comfort people who were in pain or nervous about dental work. And that applies to working with young children as well as adults.

As time passed, Karen moved up the corporate ladder and made a good income. I continued to work for my dentist, and although I didn’t make much money, I could buy myself a brand new 1970 Volkswagen. After a few years, I moved out of my familial home and rented an apartment in Haddonfield, NJ.

By this time, I was working at the Ellis Brother’s insurance company selling High-Risk Auto Insurance to people who lived in Camden, NJ area. The company was owned by Harry and Evie Ellis on Haddon Avenue in Collingswood, NJ. Two other young women were working with me as well. And I found that I enjoyed working with them so much. Previously I had worked by myself at the dentist office. We had fun together, and the Ellis Brothers turned out they didn’t have any real work ethic. And they enjoyed taking us girls out for breakfast or lunch. It was a good experience for me.

About this time, my best friend, Joanie’s cousin, came to visit her after leaving the Navy Reserves. Joan asked if I was interested in going out with him. And I said,” Yes.” That was the beginning of a whole new chapter in my life. Bob and I went out, and we clicked. I kept in touch with him after he returned to Florida, where his family lived. I kept writing to him, and eventually, I moved to Florida, and the rest is history. Bob and I were married in 1974. And we have been together ever since. This July, we will be celebrating our fiftieth anniversary.

Our marriage has not been perfect. And most people who have been married for a long time will tell you the same. There are ups and downs. We have two grown daughters now. They are both artists in their own way and are intelligent women with minds of their own. My older daughter lives in Philadelphia with her husband of eighteen years and their cats. Oh, yes, we all have an affinity for cats. However, I have to admit that I love all animals. And presently, we have a cat, four parrots, two love birds, and six finches. And last but not least two dogs a long-haired daschound and a St. Charles Cavelier Spaniel who we adopted two years ago.

Somehow, ten years have passed since we retired. However, I have kept busy. For the first year, I worked with the Guardian Litem in the NC family court. This turned out not to be a good match for me. So, I have been volunteering at an animal sanctuary, Animal Edventure, for the last eight years in Coats, NC. I care for parrots, Macaws, and pheasants. I have always loved animals since I was a child. But birds have always been one of my favorite creatures on this planet.

I will turn 73 in May and still have a high energy level, so I don’t know what else I might do. But I know it will be something that helps people and or animals in some way. In addition, I will continue writing my short stories, and at some point, I will publish the book I have written. Until then, friends, keep busy and work hard. And care for yourselves. Do not let age stop you from accomplishing your goals. And don’t let people tell you are too old to do anything. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and move forward. Don’t take any steps backward.

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

LIFE’S HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS

I arrived at that point in my life when I found myself reflecting on my life. Recently, I have considered what people influenced my development and personality the most. I believe my mother and my father certainly had the most influence on my personality and character development.

I grew up in the small town of Maple Shade, New Jersey. I spent the first twenty years of my life there. I had a fraternal twin, and three older sisters and one brother. There was an age gap between us. My oldest sister, Jeanie was thirteen years older, my brother was nineteen years older and my other two sisters are seven and eight years older than me. It was a busy household when I was younger, but over time, my older siblings grew up and married, moved to their own homes, and had families of their own. 

I believe that my father and my mother had the most influence on the person that I became over time. My mother was a deeply religious woman who attended Mass every day of her life and in the afternoon she spent at least an hour saying the rosary. My father was the authoratarian he set the rules for the family and worked hard every day of his life. But he also had his own life outside of being a father and a husband. My father liked to play the horses and play cards with his friends. He worked hard every day of his life and often held a second job to support our family.

My two older siblings attended public schools, but my twin and I attended Catholic School. So, Catholic schools and the Catholic Church had a great influence on our belief system.

This is me when I was a toddler.

This was me when I was a toddler.

Yes, to some degree, twelve years of Catholic School did influence my personality and my behavior to some extent when I was a child and adolescent. Still, once I graduated from high school and started working, I was exposed to people with different beliefs and experiences from those I had as a child. And over time the somewhat narrow beliefs of my childhood were overhadowed by working with different types of people some of whom had completely different beliefs. I do believe that having experienced twelve years of Catholic School influenced what I believed was right and what was wrong. But, over time although I had strong beliefs I became less narrow minded.

My parents were hardworking people their whole lives. And I never heard a single complaint from either one of them. My father grew up in an orphanage and because of his childhood he didn’t really learn how to express his love or emotions. He often grew angry, but he wasn’t one to come over and give any of us a big hug, nor did he ever tell me he loved me. And I believe I knew he loved me at some level but could not express it. Other than working hard and providing for all of our needs.

My mother also showed her love in her own way but wasn’t a hugger either. I remember going over my girlfriend Joan’s house and I often saw her being hugged by her mother. And it made me feel like my mother didn’t care about me. One day, I came home and told my mother, “I wish you were like Joan’s mother. She always hugs her and tells her she loves her.” My mother told me years later, that they was the most hurtful thing anyone ever said to her.” Life is hard. We all make mistakes as parents at times.

As children, we often learn through examples rather than words. Words can build a child up or knock them down. My parents taught us to work hard and do our best through their example. My mother taught me kindness through her actions and concern for my well-being. My mother worked hard all the days of her life, starting from her own childhood. When she was the only girl in a large family and her mother had Lew Gerigs disease and she had to feed and take care of her brothers and her mother. She didn’t really have the opportunity to have a childhood. I remember that she was given a beautiful doll with real hair that she could comb and style one Christmas. And every year her parents would take the doll to have it’s hair styled for Christmas. My mother cherished that doll since it was the only toy she had.

My father’s child hood experiences were even more difficult his father died when my father was quite young. And his mother had to support him, she wasn’t able to keep him at home and work, so she arranged for my father to live at Gerard College in Philadelphia until he was seventeen years old and could go to work. My father didn’t have any siblings. My father was highly intelligent, working all his life to care for our family. And yet, he still managed to have a personal life that for the most part we were unaware of while we were young. It wasn’t until I was older that I became aware of my father’s interest in horse racing, and gambliing. I have to say it didn’t have any negative effect on my childhood. But, I can not say that it didn’t affect my mother, who was often left to care for the children with very little assistance from my father. In addition, my mother did not have a social life outside of going to church every day and being part of the altar-rosary society at the Catholic church we attended. She rarely went out. My father always did the food shopping and made all the decisions, including buying kitchen curtains, the clothes on our backs, etc. As far as I know, my father never asked for her opinion.

I have often considered what kind of effect my father’s and mother’s relationship had upon myself and my siblings. I can only speak for myself in that I knew that I would never marry a man who didn’t allow me to have my thoughts and beliefs, who thought women should not be included in decision-making. I decided early on that when I grew up I would decide what I would do with my life and that no man, father or husband would be deciding anything for me. And I can truthfully say that is exactly how I have lived. I will be married fifty years in July, and I have always, always made my own choices. When I was twenty I moved out of my parents house and got an apartment alone. This had been unheard of in my family up until that time. Since, all of my older siblings got married and then moved out of my parents house.

Tyler School of Art, Temple University. I attended four years of school and graduated when I was forty with two degrees and teaching credentials.

I have lived in New Jeresey, Florida, and California and now live in North Carolina. We had two children who are grown now, and both are artists. I didn’t ask my parents if I could move out; I decided on my own and then just set about doing it. When my children were still young I decided to go to college, and in fact applied to three art schools in the Philadelphia and after preparing a portfolio I was accepted at all three schools. I was thirty-six at the time, I graduated at Temple Tyler School of Art when I was forty years old, the only adult student. I got a standing ovation when my name was called out. I graduated cum laude with a 4.0 average. My husband and children attended my graduation, along with two siblings.

When I graduated from school I realized after applying to all the public elementary schools in the area that art was no longer being funded and art teachers had no place to go. And so, after giving it much thought I discussed with my husband the possiblility of purchasing a larger house and opening up a private art classes for children and adultss. And we found such a house in Pitman, New Jersey. A neuropsychologist had previously owned it. But, had been empty for eight years. We purchased the house and spent twenty- four years living there. I taught children in the afternoon and adults at night for many years. I called it The Art Room.

I have found through my own experiences that I could accomplish many things once I set my mind to it. I know what I am able to do. I know my limits, and I don’t let anyone tell me what I can or can not do in my life.

At this point, I find that I have reached what may very well be the final years of my life. No one knows exactly when that will be, but I know I will continue learning and growing as long as I have breath in my life. I will create art and write short stories and who knows what. Maybe I will surprise myself with my next pursuit. I have been writing this blog Write On for eight years. I’m considering attempting to publish a book I have written. It is called GRIND.

In addition, I have been volunteering at an animal sanctuary “Animal Edventure” for the past eight years since I retired. We never know what opportunites life will present to us, but I know if I set my mind to it, I can and will suceed. I believe my parents would be proud of what I have accomplished in my life so far. And more important than the my accomplishment is the fact that I always strive to be a kind and decent person willing to lend a helping hand to anyone I can along the way. Because if we can not lend a helping hand to our fellow human beings what good are we. 

I believe I have a kind heart, as did my dear mother. My father was intelligent and set his own compass during his lifetime. He didn’t allow anyone to make decisions for him. And neither do I. Life goes by quickly, so do not waste a moment on it. It is up to us as individuals to create happiness in our own lives. And to do good along the way. We should all have a generous heart and nature. And do our best along the way. Keep an open mind and a loving heart. Be kind to all the creatures with whom we share our planet. And keep in mind that we are the caretakers of this beautiful planet we occupy. And remember to “First do no harm, not to other people, animals or our planet.”

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.