Monthly Archives: June 2024

HAPPINESS

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Have you ever contemplated the things in life that bring you happiness? Some people think they would be happy if they had unlimited money and could buy anything they wanted.

Well, I have never been rich, nor do I believe that I will suddenly be endowed with a tremendous amount of money at any time in the future. And to tell the truth, from my own experience, things do not bring you happiness for long. I have lived a long time, and for the most part, I found happiness is not a result of an expensive car, a trip around the world, or unlimited funds.

What brought me happiness in my life was setting goals for myself and then achieving those goals through my own hard work and efforts. What were my goals over my lifetime, you may ask? The first goal I set for myself was to get married, have children, and own our own house. When I was thirty-four, my husband and I purchased a small home in Pennsauken, NJ. After years of trying to have children at thirty years of age, I was able to conceive my first child, after many years of trying. Three years later, I gave birth to my second and last child.

So, now that I have a family and a home, I still desire to achieve more on a personal level. And at the age of thirty-six, I made the decision to go to college and get a degree. I have always been a creative and artistic person. And so I decided to go to art school. I applied to three art schools in the Philadelphia area: Temple University, Hussian School of Art, and Moore College of Art. I had to prepare a portfolio of my best work. I was interviewed at each school, and they examined my portfolio. After several weeks, I received notice that I had been accepted to all three schools. However, Temple University offered me a grant for my first semester and financial aid. And that is why I attended Temple University for four years.

The Tyler School of Art

It turned out that I was the only adult student in the freshman class. And the only married Freshman student who was married and had children. The other students were of the traditional age of seventeen or eighteen, so I attended Temple University for the next four years. It was difficult because I had to travel to Philadelphia from NJ. Which was an added expense, not only did I have to pay tuition, but I had the added expense of driving back and forth but I had to pay bridge tolls to get from NJ to Philadelphia. And then there was the cost of all the art supplies I needed.

As far as child care, I had friends who lived several blocks from my house. They agreed to watch my two children after school and during the school year. I also took care of their daughter during holidays and throughout the summer.

And if you think going to work and having children at home is difficult, then let me tell you, going to college with two children was a lot harder. I waited until my kids went to bed, and then I worked many hours doing the schoolwork required in my classes the next day.

However, the fact is that although I stood out like a sore thumb from my freshman year through my senior year, I was one of the most popular students in that class. I befriended every person I met in all my classes, including some teachers. I’m not sure how the instructors felt at first glance. They realized that I was older than all the other freshmen. And although I looked younger than my thirty-six years, I certainly didn’t look seventeen or eighteen as all the other Freshman students were.

I believe the teachers liked having me in their classes since most of them called on me to answer questions and give my opinion when none of the other students responded. They often hadn’t done the required work, but I always did. Mainly, I was mature and not afraid to speak in front of the class. And I had committed to myself to excel in every class, even if I never got any sleep.

I could not say I was the most talented student in class because I wasn’t. But, I was the most motivated student. I wanted to succeed and excel, and I always did my best. I had never had any art classes in school during elementary school or high school since I had attended Catholic School, and they did not teach the arts at all. However, I was always a creative child and adolescent. I was always drawing, or writing, or making crafts. I learned to sew when I was quite young and knew how to make clothes, costumes, and everything related to crafts. In addition, I love to read. I applied for one when I was old enough to get a library card. I went to the library every week to get new books. I grew up in the small town of Maple Shade, NJ. And although it was not a big library, it was only two rooms. The librarians were always helpful, and they would put aside books for me to read.

It was a bit of a surprise to my extended family that I was attending college at this late stage. No one tried to discourage me, nor did they show any interest in what I was doing. I have to admit that going to school full-time and still coming home to cook, clean the house, do the wash, and take care of my two young children was a big undertaking.

But since I had committed to doing the best I could and succeeded, I did just that. I graduated at the top of my class with a 4.0 average with two degrees, including an art teaching certificate. Unfortunately, after graduating, all the other students who graduated from my class and I found out that there were very few openings for art teachers in public schools since art had been removed from the public school curriculum. I can not imagine what was the thinking behind that decision. But, nonetheless, it happened.

After realizing there wouldn’t be any teaching position for me. I decided that I would start my own art program. Because of that decision, we had to sell our house in Pennsauken and move to another town, where we purchased a large, old house that had been unoccupied for eight years or more. It needed an immediate roof replacement. We had paired off our house in Pennsauken and used that income to put a down payment on the house in Pitman and the roof repair. The house in Pitman had been empty for eight years and needed a lot of work. It was a doctor’s home and office, and there were three rooms that I could use for my art classes.

Our house is in Pitman, NJ, where I have taught art for years.

And that is exactly what I did. As a result, I opened my own small art school for children in the afternoon and adults in the evening. I had this school for many years until my own children were out of elementary school and going to college. We then decided it was time to sell our home of twenty-four years and retire. And that is what we did, and then we retired and moved to North Carolina. And we have been living here for almost nine years. We will always miss our Pitman house, but there was no way we could continue to live in New Jersey because of the increase in real estate taxes.

And so, here I sit retired and living in North Carolina, I have been volunteering at an animal sanctuary for eight years. I started a blog and have written short stories and memoirs for the last eight years. I keep my mind and body busy and active as much as possible. I don’t know what might change in my remaining years or what I might decide to do, but I promise you this: whatever I do, I will put everything I have into it. And it will be interesting. I guess you will just have to wait and find out what it may be, and so will I.

THE MOST DIFFICULT TIME OF MY LIFE

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My childhood home in Maple Shade, NJ

My childhood home in Maple Shade, NJ

If someone asked me what the most difficult time of my life was, I would have to say that it would be a difficult question to answer. Why? Honestly, I have had many difficult experiences over the course of my lifetime. I am seventy-three years old, and most of my life is spent behind me rather than in front of me. Like everyone else who has lived as long as I have, my life has had many ups and downs.

I believe the most difficult years I experienced in my life were 1986 and 1987. This is how it began. In 1986, my husband and I moved back to New Jersey. He had just graduated from Brooks Institute, a photography school in Montecito, California. We stayed with my parents for a short time. I then purchased a small house in Pennsauken, about fifteen minutes from my parent’s house. Bob had served in the military to secure a home mortgage without a down payment. By that time, he had found and been hired for a full-time position in the Philadelphia area.

I had long anticipated a time when we would be able to start a family. We were married for seven years before I had any children. In 1981, I tested positive on a pregnancy test, and nine months later, I gave birth to my first child, whom we named Jeanette after my eldest sister, who had passed away from emphysema. My mother and father were happy for us. Three years later, I had my second child. Our family was complete.

I visited my parents often since I only lived a short distance from Maple Shade, where my parents lived and where I grew up. One day, I drove with my children to my parent’s house to visit them. As I was sitting at the kitchen table, my father, who was retired by this time, called out to me. He was in the hallway outside of the bathroom. When I got to the hallway, my father indicated wanting me to look in the toilet. I looked at it was filled with blood. My father had a stroke several years before this, and he was aphasic, and it was difficult for him to speak and make himself understood. 

I contacted my siblings and informed them about my father’s health issue. I was the only one who was not working at the time since I had two young children at home, and all my other siblings were working at that time. I made an appointment with his primary physician for my father, who then referred him to a specialist. After the specialist examined my father and had xrays taken, he determined that my father had lung cancer and it was advanced. And there wasn’t any treatment available for him.

The next several months were difficult. My father’s cancer advanced and worsened over the next several months. It became clear that he wasn’t going to survive much longer. My father had been smoking two packs of cigarettes a week for many years.

My mother would then be alone. My father had given me power of attorney, so I was responsible for my parents paying the rent and all expenses. I spoke to my siblings and asked if they would all be able to take turns coming to my parent’s house at night during my father’s illness. And they agreed to do so.

I won’t lie, this time of my father’s illness was one of if not the worst experiences of my life up to that point. And it was clear that my mother was broken-hearted as well. She had been married to my father since she was nineteen years old. They did not have a perfect marriage. But they certainly loved one another and had a strong bond. And they had six children together. I can only imagine how frightened my mother was at that time. My mother had glaucoma, limited vision, and heart failure.

It wasn’t long after that my father started to refuse to eat or take all his medication. He coughed and coughed all night. And my dear mother was unable to sleep. She said the rosary all night, hoping that my father would be delivered from his pain. I made every attempt to hire a night nurse to help take off my father since it was getting more and more difficult to take care of him. He was refusing food and his medication, and he kept falling out of his bed. Eventually, I ordered a bed with sidebars to keep him from falling out. And it was difficult to get him up when he fell. He was a big man. Finally, I secured a night nurse to assist with my father’s care. My siblings and I began to take turns staying overnight at my parent’s house. So, my mother would not be alone with my father if sometihing unttoward happened at night. It was difficult for all of us since we were all married and had young children at home.

We began keeping track of the liquids and solids my father took in because of his diabetes. My sister Karen gave my father his insulin shots. In general, nights were the most difficult since neither of my parents could sleep during the night. My father began having a difficult time breathing at night and had to be checked often during the night.

The following day, my dear father passed away. It was a big loss for us all, but my father had suffered long enough. My dear mother was heartbroken, to say the least. I can not express the depth of my sense of loss when my father passed away. Not just myself but all my siblings and, of course, my dear mother, who had been married to my father since she was nineteen.

My mother could not live alone, and I felt she would feel most at ease in her own house since she was blind. I decided the best resolution was to hire someone to come and stay with her during the week. And she could cook and clean the house and keep my dear mother safe. I advertised and received several responses, and after interviewing several people, I hired a middle-aged woman named Doris Cook. She was a kind and caring person, and my mother felt comfortable and safe with her. She stayed at my mother’s house during the week. And then went home for the weekend. My siblings and I took turns having our mother stay at their houses on weekends.

My mother was depressed by the loss of her husband but managed to maintain her equilibrium for the most part. My mother suffered a heart attack and complete respiritory arrest about ten months after my father passed. It was a very difficult time for myself and the entire family. I can not express the loss I felt after losing both of my parents. My father passed in Oct. of 1986, and my dear mother passed in August of 1987. I still miss them to this day. The loss of one’s parents is a big loss and difficult to move forward from. My children never had the opportunity to get to know them since they were so young when my parents passed.

Life is so difficult at times, and you may believe you will never get over the losses you suffer. But somehow, you do. There are no other alternatives. I had to keep moving forward because I had two young children to care for, and I knew my mother and father would not want me to do otherwise. There are many challenges in life, and you have no alternatives but to overcome them.

 

 

 

The Days Of My Working Life In The 1970’s- Ancora Mental Hospital

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In the early 1970s, I made the decision to change my occupation. I had been working for several years as a dental assistant. I had a desire to help people, especially children. I decided to apply for a job at Ancora Mental Hospital in New Jersey. My brother was a psychologist, and he had done an internship at Ancora while he was earning his PhD. And he told me to contact one, Mrs. Coffee, who worked at Ancora. I had never driven to that part of NJ before, and my sense of direction was not helpful since I had no sense of direction. But, somehow, after studying a road map, I made my way there. It is located in Hammonton, NJ, which was about a thirty-minute to one-hour drive, depending on the time of the day and the traffic. 

I had an appointment with Mrs. Coffee. I spoke to her on the phone and sent her my resume, brief as it was. I requested to be placed in the children’s ward after my training. I was notified that I was accepted and told when and where to arrive for my Psychiatric Aide training, which would require several weeks of classes and then passing a test. If I pass, then I will be placed in my permanent position. Which I believed would be with children. One of my classmates excelled in the class and was told soon after the final exam where we would be working. I hope that my fellow classmates will be placed in the same ward as me. Her name was Joan Hall. Unfortunately, that is not how it played out.

I was assigned to the Active Psyche Ward. Joan was placed elsewhere, and we were given different shifts. I would be working the late shift; she would be working during the day. So, there was little chance we would see each other soon. I started working the following week. And honestly, it‘s hard to describe what the active psyche ward was like in the early 1970s. My first day I was told that I was in charge of supervising the woman’s shower.

I was informed where to go and who my supervisor would be. I found my way to the showers, and to say I was shocked is the understatement of all times. I had never been in a woman’s shower before. And I had never seen other naked women before, even when I was attending an all-girl high school I managed to avoid having to shower in the girls shower after gym. The noise level and the out-of-control behavior with grown adults were shocking, to say the least. Some of the patients were severely mentally ill, and they were medicated to the point of acting like zombies.

At one point during the first week, I started working with the patients, I happened to pass by a treatment room. There was a middle-aged woman strapped to the table. She was getting electric shock treatment. There were several “doctors” in the room. They made jokes about how she looked and reacted to the electric shock treatment. I was totally appalled by their lack of humanity and harsh treatment of her. I complained to the doctor in charge. He just stared at me, telling me to return to my work.

After showers, I supervised the patients in the dining area, where they ate all their meals. The noise in the dining room would be difficult to describe. Some patients would quietly eat, while others were screaming and yelling about I don’t know what. I would go from one table to another and tell the patients to quietly go to get their meals and then return to their seats to eat. The quiet part never happened. There was always some kind of out-of-control behavior going on. Or, some of the patients were sedated so heavily that they were like zombies. And rarely showed any emotion.

On some evenings, I was assigned to supervise the patients while they were in the community room. It was such a strange environment, the people who were patients, the doctors, the caretakers. It was not a pleasant place to be. The patients had no say in what they could do. For the most part, they were powerless.

Ultimately, I realized I would never have the opportunity to work with the children who were patients at Ancora, so I gave my notice. I do believe that if I had been given an opportunity to work with the children, I would have been able to make some difference in their lives, be it big or small. But I never had that chance.

I didn’t know that in my not-too-distant future, I would move to another state far from New Jersey and become a counselor working with mildly handicapped children I would love and with whom I could make a big difference in their lives. You never know what barriers you will face in life or what challenges. But, I have learned that you shouldn’t give up and that you have to keep striving to do your best in life, no matter what it is you are doing. Always do your best. You do not know what may or may not happen in your life. But never give up on yourself.

As for myself, I faced many challenges after working at Ancora. I did not allow this one negative experience to stop me from moving forward and upward. I never stopped believing in myself or what I was capable of doing. I didn’t allow anyone’s criticle words affect my self-confidence I knew that I could do anything I set my mind to.

I also realized that every life experience I had taught me a lesson, and it would help me at some point in my future experiences. I never allowed anyone I interacted with to undermine my self-confidence in what I was capable of doing and achieving. As a result, I have led a full and rich life. Because of my choices, I met and interacted with many types of people, some rich, some poor, the highly educated, and those who barely got through elementary school.

I have learned from every experience and everyone I met along the way. Life is a journey, and you never know where and when your journey will take you. I have no regrets about my choices along the way. Keep an open mind, do not be judgmental, be kind, and be generous. Do good in life, and do not judge people that you meet along the way. You do not know what barriers and obstacles they have faced and overcome.

But fear not, I made my opportunities, over the course of my working life I worked with children in California at St. Vincent’s School in Santa Barbara. And I believe this was the opportunity I was looking for all along. The children there were intellectually handicapped to a degree. I was the assistant counselor and worked the three to twelve shift. They were girls between the ages of twelve and seventeen. And I came to love and care for those girls as if they were my own. The years I spent there were a blessing to me. It taught me patience, understanding, and acceptance for all the people I have met along my life’s highway. I certainly benefited from the time I worked with these girls. It was hard to leave them when the time came. My husband was attending Brooks Institute for Photography, and when he graduated, we left so that he would have an opportunity to find a job in photography. But that is a story for another day that would have to be told by my husband, Bob.

TIME FLIES BY IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE

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Today, I was looking at a post on Facebook called 1970’s Memories. I enjoy looking at this page because I was young in the 1970s and have many good memories from that time. The page is geared towards Baby Boomers, of whom I am one. Baby boomers were born between 1946 and 1964. we had several character traits that define our overall character. People in our generation often were known for their workplace visibility and prided themselves in their work ethic and their competitive natures in the workplace. Now, I can not prove this is true for every boomer, but I’m sure I was a person who, once I graduated from high school, found a job immediately with the help of the high school I attended, St. Mary of the Angels Academy in Haddonfield, NJ. It was a Catholic all-girls school.

     Once I started working, I found that I enjoyed it. I was hired as a dental assistant for Dr. E.G. Wozniak in Oaklyn, NJ. Dr. Wozniak trained me, and I worked there for almost five years. During those early work years, I purchased my first car, a 1970 Yellow Volkswagon Bug. I loved that car like it was my first child.

high school graduation picture

Susan Culver- high school graduation picture

The only problem was I had to work several night shifts in addition to working during the day. And I had to work on Saturdays. This limited my free time to go out and have fun with my friends. At the time, we used to go to nightclubs with bands and go dancing. During the Summer, my friends and I used to all rent a hotel room together in Wildwood, NJ (a beach town) and spend Friday night at the nightclubs and Saturday and Sunday on the beach and the boardwalk.

     I decided that I wanted to change jobs to have more time to have fun, less work on Saturdays, and several late nights each week. I decided to find a new job that would allow me that flexibility. At that time, I was twenty-one years old and lived in a small apartment in Haddonfield, NJ. My parents were unhappy with me moving out but did not try to stop me. My father came to the apartment I was going to rent before I signed the lease. And I guess he decided it was in a safe enough area, down the street from Haddon Avenue, which was the main street in Haddonfield, which is an affluent area in NJ. Still, it was clear both of my parents missed me living at home as I was the last of their children who lived at home. All my older siblings were married, and most had started their families years before as my two eldest siblings were twenty years older than I was, and the two other sisters were seven or eight years older and married with children.

     After giving my notice to Dr. Wozniak, who was not happy with me leaving but nonetheless gave me a positive resume and reference after I found a job in Collingswood, NJ, located at Ellis Insurance Company, which sold high-risk auto insurance, I worked in the office with two other girls my age. I enjoyed not being the only employee. Harry and Evie Ellis were from a wealthy family and lacked strong work ethics. They would take me and my two co-workers to breakfast almost every morning. Overall, it was a fun place to work, and I continued to work there for a couple of years.

     That is until I was fixed up for a date with my best friend, Joan’s boy cousin, who just got out of the Navy. He had visited his cousins in NJ before returning to Florida, where his parents and younger siblings lived. And that, my friend, was the beginning of a whole new chapter of my life. After “Bob” returned to Florida, he and I began writing letters to each other. One thing led to another, and I decided to move to Florida, so I gave my notice at work, made arrangements to take the auto train to Florida, and, of course, told my parents what I was up to. As you can imagine, they were not too thrilled. But nonetheless, they did not try to stop me. Although, it was clear that they were not happy with their youngest child moving over a thousand miles away from them. They didn’t try to talk me out of it. The day I left, both of my parents stood outside and watched me while I drove away. They were crying.

     A close friend told me about an auto train I could take. I had to drive from Lorton, Virginia, to Sanford, Florida. Then, my car would be loaded onto the train, and I would be seated in the passenger section. I had never driven this far from home but was somehow I managed to figure out the best route to take to the auto train and get there without any problem. I did manage to arrive several hours early, and I had to wait in my car until the auto-train arrived. It was extremely hot that day. Luckily, there was a toll phone in the parking lot, so I could call my parents and let them know I arrived safely in Lorton, Virginia. This was long before cell phones. So, I sat and waited for the train to arrive. It was a long, hot wait all alone. My parents were relieved that I arrived safely. And asked me to please call when I arrived in Florida and met up with Bob.

     It turned out that it was a seventeen-hour ride from Lorton, Virginia, to Sandford, Florida. It was a long ride; I didn’t have the opportunity to be bored because a mother and her two small toddlers were sitting next to me. So, between crying, never sitting still, and trying to climb over me, it was a long, long seventeen hours. I had many years of experience babysitting my nieces and nephews when they were little. But, I never had to sit for seventeen hours with two little kids crawling all over me and alternately crying, screaming, and having their stinky diapers changed right next to me.

At some point, out of sheer exhaustion, I fell asleep for several hours. When I woke up my stomach was empty and my bladder was full, I got up and looked for the laboratory, and found there was a long, long line to wait. But, what could I do, I waited. And the bathroom was “not large, to say the least. And the smell was overpowering, but luckily, I had a poor sense of smell, so I survived it.

     When I got back to my seat, the mother of the two kids had laid the older of the two toddlers to sleep in my seat. I stood there and stared at her because there was no place for me to sit. There were no empty seats. So, I finally said, “ Please move one of your babies. I have to sit down. I can’t stand in the aisle all day. She gave me a sour look and then growled and moved the smaller of the two toddlers. Who immediately started screaming. All I can say is it was a long, long, long ride.

     When we finally arrived at Sanford, Florida, we had to wait to get off the train, and there was a long, long wait for my car to get out. Because I was the first person to arrive, and my car would be the last one to be unloaded. It took what seemed like a lifetime because of the ungodly heat. But I survived, and then I saw my yellow Volkswagon coming down the ramp. I mistakenly believed that Bob would arrive shortly, but he didn’t since he had worked the night shift at Pratt and Whitney and had to drive to Sanford, which took several hours. I had no way of contacting him, so I just had to wait until he arrived. And he did, and I was never so happy to see someone. He looked tired but also happy.

     That, my friends, was the beginning of my new life. We began with a long drive to my new home, a one-bedroom apartment in a small complex called Nighh Haven Apartments. The apartment was owned by a middle-aged couple that seemed old to me at the time since I was twenty-two. But they were probably in their early fifties and had many years ahead of them. They were nice people.

The next step in my new life was getting a job. Bob had a cousin who recommended that I apply at an insurance company where she worked when she was living in Florida, and that is exactly what I did. And I was hired to sell high-risk auto and homeowners insurance. I worked there for several months. And then Bob and I got married, and when I returned to work, I was called into the main office and was notified that their company was having difficulties and that they were laying off all the older employees and all the new ones. And just like that, I was unemployed and had a limited amount of money.

     I looked for a new job for weeks, only to find that the economy in Florida at that time was not good. And companies were laying off employees right and left. And they weren’t hiring new employees from out of state at all. After months of looking for a job, I attended a hairdressing school. West Palm Beach Beauty Academy. I enjoyed the experience, and it turned out I was pretty good at cutting hair, perming hair, and styling, especially among the older ladies. I made a lot of friends in the hair-dressing school. Some of whom I kept in contact with for many years after we left Florida and moved to California. And that, my friends, is another story.