Monthly Archives: April 2025

GROWING UP CARBERRY

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My Dear Mother

My maiden name was Susan Carberry, and my family of origin was from Ireland. I grew up in a large family with five siblings. I was a fraternal twin. Being in a large family had its advantages and its disadvantages. One of the advantages was that you were rarely alone. One of the disadvantages was that I was never alone. I shared my room with my twin sister, Karen. And with my two older sisters, Eileen and Betty. My eldest sister, Jeanie, had her room as well as my oldest sibling, Harry, who had his own room.

Another disadvantage, I being the youngest and the smallest, was that I was the last in line to receive the hand-me-down clothes. We did all get a new Easter outfit every year. Sometimes, we have to pick out the clothes ourselves, sometimes not. If my father picked out the clothes, you could bet they were durable and extremely ugly.

We Carberrys were good Catholics, despite not having a lot of money. We all attended Catholic School through high school. This meant we wore uniforms. In grade school, there were maroon wool jumpers with a white blouse. And of course, a beanie on the girl’s head. The beanie had the emblem of OLPH School on it, which stood for Our Lady of Perpetual Help. In highschool I attended St. Mary of The Angel’s Academy. It was an all-girl school. We wore navy blue uniforms, the skirts were pleated and didn’t look good on anyone, unless they were really thin. Going to Catholic School meant nuns taught us, which is another benefit???

House I grew up in. and my father's first car

My parent’s house and my father’s first car

Sunday morning meant Sunday Mass and a big breakfast with the whole family. My mother fried bacon and then fried the eggs in the bacon grease, which was kept in a coffee tin on the stove. My father’s job was to butter the toast, generously, I might add. My mother made a special cake on Sunday morning for dessert after supper. It was half vanilla and half chocolate, with pudding in between the layers and coconut on the icing.

For supper, we always had a roast and potatoes. Supper was a quiet affair at our house; my father was not a fan of free speech. He did not care for any opinions that did not agree with his. He was a great believer in children being seen and not heard, especially while watching TV, which was any night he didn’t have to work. My father was the head dispatcher at SEPTA, the transit company in Philadelphia, for thirty years. My father was an intelligent man. My father slept during the day, and it would behoove you not to wake him up; you would regret it. He was called “The Old Bear” for a reason.

After school, my mother could be found ironing without fail. She ironed all our clothes, sheets, socks, and towels. These were days before wash-and-wear garments. Any clothes that weren’t washed one day would be sprinkled with water, rolled up, and stored in the refrigerator until the next day. My mother would always offer us cookies and milk or crackers with peanut butter and jelly as a snack after school.

Life in our house was very predictable; we had the same thing for dinner each night of the week. On Sundays, it was roast and potatoes; on Mondays, it was meatloaf and mashed potatoes. A special treat was on the first Friday of the month. When we Catholics couldn’t eat meat. We had tuna fish casserole, with potato chips on top. My mother was not a creative cook, but we never went away hungry. And we never had to ask “What’s for dinner?”

We watched the same TV shows each week. Monday through Friday we went t school. Saturday, we played with our friends, of whom there were many. On Sunday, we had the “special cake.” I attended the children’s Mass every Sunday at nine o’clock with all the other kids from my elementary school.

When my sister and I came home from Mass, my mother had breakfast ready. She always attended the 7 AM Mass with her Altar Rosary Society. She was a very devout woman. She attended Mass every single morning and said the rosary in the afternoon after she had finished all her housework. My father- 1960's

After school, I went home. Our house was only two houses away from the school. When I arrived home, my mother was always bent over the ironing board, ironing everyone’s clothes. She ironed everything, including clothes, sheets, etc.

My dear mother always offered us cookies and milk or crackers with peanut butter as snacks after school.

Life in our house was predictable. We ate the same thing for dinner every night, every day of the week. For instance, we had tuna fish every Friday, especially on First Friday, when we weren’t supposed to eat meat. Although my mother was not a creative cook, we never went away hungry. And like I said, there was always that homemade cake to look forward to.

We watched the same TV Shows as well, the shows my father liked, he was the boss applesauce. On Saturdays, we played with our friends. Sunday, as I said, was the “Big Breakfast Day.” And dinner on Sunday was usually a roast beef. Our birthdays were a big event, getting a new toy and having a birthday cake with candles. After that, we looked forward to Christmas. My father was a bit of a grinch, but didn’t dampen our anticipation. My mother always made it special. My mother was the kindest, most hardworking person I ever knew. I feel so blessed to have had such a kind and loving mother. I still miss her to this day.

My father was a man of few words but made his feelings known by a look. And that was all it took to get his point across. His nickname was “THE BIG BEAR.” The kitchen was an essential element in our house. All important events took place in the kitchen.

My mother always had a comforting word for us if we had a bad day. If we were acting out, she would say,” Wait until your father gets home.” That would definitely change our tune.

Ultimately, our home was not all that different from other homes in the 1940s, 1950s, and 1960s. I had a father who earned money and paid the bills but was not involved in raising the kids unless there was a serious problem. Sisters and brothers who loved and hated each other lived in the “CARBERRY HOME.” It was two doors down from Our Lady of Perpetual HELP church and school.

 

LIFE AS I KNEW IT

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My dear mother, when she was young

     It is the year 2025, and in May, I will be seventy-four. It is hard to believe because I certainly don’t feel that old, but I am going to be that old. This fact makes me reflect on my parent when they were that age. My father died from lung cancer in 1986, and my mother died from congestive heart failure one year later. My mother was born in 1910 and my father was born in 1911. They were married in 1929. They lived in Philadelphia for a time and ultimately purchased a home my father helped build in Maple Shade, New Jersey.

     They had eight children in all. Unfortunately, a set of male twins that were born after my twin sister and I were born did not survive as they were born prematurely. They were buried in a cemetery in Moorestown, New Jersey.

House I grew up in.

CHILDHOOD HOME

     My oldest sibling, Harry, was twenty years older than I, and my oldest sister, Jeanie, was nineteen years older. My sister, Eillen, is eight years older than I am, and my sister Liz is seven years older than I am. My eldest sister, Jeanie, passed away when she was forty-one. She developed Alpha-1 antitrypsin (AAT) deficiency ( a genetic disorder), causing emphysema. No one else in our family developed this disorder aside from her.

     My sister, Jeanette, was one of the kindest, funniest, and most beautiful people I ever knew. My brother, Hugh Carberry, was twenty years older than I. He passed away five years ago when he was eighty-five. He was a practicing psychologist who spent his life helping people. He was an outstanding father and husband.

THIS IS MY STUDENT ID WHEN I ATTENDED TEMPLE UNIVERSITY AT THE TYLER SCHOOL OF ART. I WAS 36.

My next oldest sister is Eileen, who is eight years older than my twin, Karen, and me. She is one of the kindest and hardest-working people I’ve ever known. My sister Elizabeth is seven years older than my twin and me. She was a practicing nurse in her working years. She dedicated her life to helping people when they were ill. And then there was me, and my fraternal twin, Karen. Karen had a highly successful career during her working life. She was a district manager for Subaru for many years.

     My employment years were diversified. Over my forty-year career, I worked in many areas, starting with being a dental assistant right out of high school for six years. Then, I worked as a psychiatric aide in Ancora State Mental Hospital for a little over one year. I then worked at Ellis Insurance Company, selling high-risk insurance in Haddon Township, NJ.

     At that point, I met my now-husband, who was a cousin of my best girlfriend. I ended up moving to Florida to be with him, and shortly thereafter, we were married. That, my friends, was fifty years ago. My husband Bob and I moved to California because Bob wanted to attend Brooks Institute for Photography, which is his main interest.

     After Bob graduated from Brooks Institute for Photography, we returned to New Jersey and stayed with my parents for about a year. And then we purchased a house in Pennsauken, NJ, where we lived for fourteen years.

     We had two children, daughters three years apart. When Jeanette turned seven, and Bridget was four I applied to and I was accepted with a scholarship for the first year at Temple University after they inspected my art portfolio. I graduated four years later with a 4.0 average with Magnum cum Laude (great with honors) and Art teaching credentials. I sent my resume to all the public and private schools in the South Jersey area. Only to be informed that the public and private schools were no longer teaching art to save money. I spent months looking for a position teaching art to no avail.

OUR HOME AND MY ART SCHOOL IN PITMAN, nj WE LIVED THERE FOR 24 YEARS.

     And that was when I decided to look for a bigger home to accommodate our family and have room to teach art. I eventually found a home in Pitman, NJ, which had been empty for almost eight years. It was 5,000 square feet. Within that area were three rooms and a bathroom where I could teach art. So, we sold our house in Pennsauken and moved into the Pitman home, which needed much work, not to mention a new roof and heating and air conditioning units.   Somehow, we succeeded in my endeavor, bought the house, and had a new room put on it.      Over the twenty-four years, we have renovated the house and the yard, front and back. I opened my school and taught art to children after school and adults in the evening, for many years. In this way, I met and befriended many people who lived in Pitman. And we lived there for twenty-four years. Until we reached retirement age,

     it was hard to leave our home, and all the friends we had made over the many years we lived there. But, we couldn’t afford the high taxes we had to pay every year once we retired. It was a difficult decision; our kids had grown up there and had friends. We had many friends, but it was hard. But life can be difficult sometimes, and you must roll with the punches and move forward. After much thought and research, we sold our beautiful home in Pitman, NJ, and all our friends. And retired to North Carolina, a less expensive area to live in during our retirement.

     And here we are, almost nine years later, living in North Carolina. I have been volunteering at an animal sanctuary for the past nine years. And I began writing short stories and memoirs. I don’t know what will happen in the coming years. But, I will keep on keeping on as my generation has always said. So, I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and never giving up. Life is what you make of it.

     It is the year 2025, and in May, I will be seventy-four. It is hard to believe because I certainly don’t feel that old, but nonetheless, I am going to be that old. This fact makes me reflect on my parents when they were that age. My father died from lung cancer in 1986, and my mother died from congestive heart failure one year later. My mother was born in 1910 and my father was born in 1911. They were married in 1929. They lived in Philadelphia for a time and ultimately created a home my father helped build in Maple Shade, New Jersey.

     They had eight children in all. Unfortunately, a set of male siblings (twins) was born after my twin sister and I were born. They did not survive as they were born prematurely. They were buried in a cemetery in Moorestown, New Jersey. My oldest sibling, Harry, was twenty years older than I, and my oldest sister, Jeanie, was nineteen years older. And then my sister, Eileen is eight years older than I, and my sister Liz is severn years older than I am. My eldest sister, Jeanie, passed away when she was forty-one. She developed Alpha-1 antitrypsin (AAT) deficiency ( a genetic disorder), causing emphysema. No one else in our family developed this disorder aside from her. My sister, Jeanette, was one of the kindest, funniest people I ever knew, and so beautiful. My brother, Hugh Carberry, was twenty years older than I; he passed away five years ago when he was eighty-five. He was a practicing psychologist who spent his life helping people. He was an outstanding father and husband.

     My next oldest sister is Eileen, who is eight years older than my twin, Karen, and me. She is one of the kindest and hardest-working people I’ve ever known. My sister Elizabeth, is seven years older that My twin and I she was a practicing nurse in her working years. She dedicated her life to helping people when they were ill. And then there was me, and my fraternal twin, Karen. Karen had a highly successful career during her working life. She was a district manager for Subaru.

     My employment years were diversified. Over my forty-year career, I worked in many areas, starting with being a dental assistant right out of high school for six years. Then, I worked as a psychiatric aide in Ancora State Mental Hospital for a little over one year. I then worked at Ellis Insurance Company, selling high-risk insurance in Haddon Township, NJ.

     At that point, I met my now-husband, who was a cousin of my best girlfriend. I ended up moving to Florida to be with him, and shortly thereafter, we were married. That, my friends, was fifty years ago. My husband Bob and I moved to California because Bob wanted to attend Brooks Institute for Photography, which is his main interest.

     After Bob graduated from Brooks, we moved back to New Jersey. We stayed with my parents for about a year, then purchased a house in Pennsauken, NJ, where we lived for fourteen years. We had two children, girls, three years apart. When Jeanette turned seven, and Bridget was four I applied to and I was accepted with a scholarship for the first year at Temple University after they inspected my art portfolio. I graduated four years later with a 4.0 average with Magnum cum Laude (great with honors) and Art teaching credentials. I sent my resume to all the public and private schools in the South Jersey area. Only to be informed that the public and private schools were no longer teaching art to save money. I spent months looking for a position teaching art to no avail.

     And that was when I decided to look for a bigger home that would accommodate our family and have room to teach art. I eventually found a home in Pitman, NJ, which had been empty for almost eight years. It was 5,000 square feet. Within that area were three rooms and a bathroom where I could teach art. So, we sold our house in Pennsauken and moved into the Pitman home, which needed much work, not to mention a new roof and heating and air conditioning units. Somehow, we managed to succeed in our endeavor, bought the house, and had a new room put on it. Over the twenty-four years, we have renovated the house and the yard, front and back.
I opened my school and taught art to children after school and adults in the evening, for many years. In this way, I met and befriended many people who lived in Pitman, and we lived there for twenty-four years until we reached retirement age.

     It was hard to leave our home, and all the friends we had made over the many years we lived there. However, we couldn’t afford the high taxes in New Jersey that we had to pay every year once we retired. It was a difficult decision; our kids had grown up there and had friends. We had many friends, but it was hard. But life can be difficult sometimes, and you must roll with the punches and move forward. After much thought and research, we sold our beautiful home in Pitman, NJ, and all our friends. And retired to North Carolina, a less expensive area to live in during our retirement.

     And here we are, almost nine years later, living in North Carolina. I have been volunteering at an animal sanctuary for the past nine years. And I began writing short stories and memoirs. I don’t know what will happen in the coming years. But, I will keep on keeping on as my generation has always said. So, I keep putting one foot in front of the other, and never giving up. Life is what you make of it. I try to keep a positive mindset at all times. I continue to try to be kind to all the people I meet along my way. Keeping in mind that life is short and I shouldn’t waste time trying to change things I can not change. And I continue to treat all the people I meet along the way, in the same way that I wish to be treated, with kindness and consideration.

The Stories Of My Youth

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Sometimes, I find it challenging to write about my past because what is happening now in the present is overwhelming and terrifying. I was born in 1951, which, to many people, may seem like a very, very long time ago. Nonetheless, the last seventy-three years seemed to fly by. Although I don’t believe I’ve lived an extraordinary life, it has been an interesting and challenging one.

I came from an Irish Catholic family, and I had five siblings. Of which my twin and I were the last offspring. My older brother, Hugh, who was nineteen years older than I, passed away several years ago from liver cancer. He was a psychologist who spent his adult life helping people. My oldest sister, Jeanette, was twenty years older. She passed away when I was forty-one. She had Alpha 1 deficiency, which caused her to have a genetic form of emphysema. She was such a wonderful person and kind to all. I still miss her to this day. My sisters, Eileen and Elizabeth, are retired in New Jersey. My twin also lives in New Jersey and retired after working as a District Manager for Subaru for years.

I haven’t seen them in nine years because when I retired, we moved to North Carolina, where living is less expensive. My family was surprised when I decided to move to Florida in 1974 to be near the young man I eventually married. We recently celebrated our 50th Wedding Anniversary. We’ve had our ups and downs. But somehow, we keep rolling along a bumpy road at times. I keep putting one foot in front of the other.

We lived in Pitman, New Jersey, in a large Victorian house for twenty-four years, when we realized we could not retire and continue living in our home because we couldn’t afford to pay New Jersey real estate taxes after we both retired. It was a hard dicision because we loved that house so much. And we made many friends in Pitman during our twenty-four years there. We packed all our worldly belongings, rented a moving van, and headed for North Carolina.

Painting of the house I grew up in Maple Shade, NJ

So here we are, nine years later, in North Carolina. I have been volunteering at an Animal Sanctuary for almost nine years. I have always been an animal lover, which seemed like a good match. I have cared for Parrots, Macaws, pigeons, doves, and pheasants. I have to admit that the birds can be pretty noisy, but I got used to it after a while. There are over two hundred and twenty animals there. It is out in the country in a town named Coats. If you ever visit North Carolina, you should make a point of going there. You won’t be disappointed.

In addition, I have a writer’s blog called Write On, which I post on Facebook. I have about 900 followers. You are welcome to follow it if you wish. Here is the link: https://susanaculver.com.

St. Mary of the Angels Academy

Over my lifetime, I have worked in many different kinds of jobs. My first employment was right out of High School. I was offered a position at a dentist’s office as a dental assistant at Dr. E. G. Wozniak in Haddon Township, NJ. His wife had attended the same High School—St Mary of the Angels Academy, but years before I did. So when Dr. Wozniak needed a new assistant, the principal of St. Mary’s recommended me for the job. I was hired, and it turned out that I was pretty proficient at it. And I worked there for quite five years. I liked the job, but unfortunately, I had to work many evenings and on Saturdays. And that didn’t leave me much time to have a life outside of working.

I decided to look for a nine-to-five job, only five days a week, and no evening or Saturday. I found a position at a high-risk auto insurance company called The Ellis Brothers. It was a fascinating job, and the Ellis brothers were from a wealthy family in Haddonfield, NJ. And they didn’t like working nine to five, so my co-workers, the Ellis Brothers, and I often went out for breakfast, etc. They were fun to work with and I stayed there for a couple of years.

About this time, my friend, who lived down the street from me, introduced me to her boy cousin. And we went out a couple of times, and then he had to return to Florida, where his family lived.

Bob and I communicated by mail for quite a while and occasional phone calls. I decided that this was the guy for me. I suggested that I move to Florida to get to know him better. He said yes. And as a result I made plans to travel to Florida via the Auto-train I had to drive several states away from NJ and then my car, a 1970 Volkswagen was loaded on the train. I was a passenger on the train, and believe me, it was a long ride. I had the unfortunate luck to have a mother with her infant baby sitting next to me, and as a result, I had no opportunity to get any sleep. It was a 24-hour ride. When I finally disembarked from the train, my car was also removed. And I spent at least another five hours sweating out in the Florida heat, waiting for “Bob” to arrive so I could follow him to the apartment that he rented for me. He finally arrived, and I have t admit we were both tired since he had worked all night and then had to drive for hours to the location I was waiting at.

It was quite a distance. Thank god my car had air conditioning, or I might have died. And I was starving. I had called my parents to let them know that I had arrived safely, and then I called them again when I arrived at the apartment. My parents were upset that I had moved away. And my mother had started crying on the phone. I felt terrible about it. But, at some point, we all must grow up and create our own lives separate from our parents. No matter how much we love them. It’s a part of life. Being a parent is not an easy task. I know that from my experience as a parent of two adult children.

Once I got settled in the apartment, I started looking for employment. One of Bob’s girl cousins suggested that I apply at an insurance company she had formerly worked at. That is precisely what I did. I worked there briefly, when they started laying people off for some reason. Their business wasn’t doing well. So, here I was again, unemployed. I looked for a job for a couple of months with no luck. Then, I got the brilliant idea to go to hairdressing school. So, I applied and was accepted. I had no experience in hairdressing, nor did I care about hairdressing. Nonetheless, I attended the Florida Beauty Academy for almost a year. Then, I took the state test to get my license. And I passed it with flying colors. And that was the beginning of part two of my adventures in Florida. I will continue my story next week. Stay tuned. It gets better.

 

The Time Has Come

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     She realized that she would be alone for the rest of her life. Sandra looked down at her dear mother and realized she was no longer breathing. Her mother’s illness had been prolonged and painful both for her mother and herself. During the last year of her mother’s life, she had found herself wishing her mother would pass away in her sleep.

     Her mother not only had cancer, but she also had dementia. Every day, Sandra continued to breathe, and she felt mixed emotions. She loved her mother but missed having a life of her own. She had taken care of her for many years. And she was worn out. She was always lonely because her only company was her cat, Thelma. She was getting old, almost twenty, and Sandra knew she wouldn’t live much longer.

     Sandra was a quiet young woman who kept to herself. She was never very popular in school. Since she was shy and hated calling attention to herself, the other kids made fun of her ever since she was of school age, especially the girls who called her mean names because she was fragile and had bright red curly hair. The boys made fun of her too. She had a best friend named Elaine when she was younger. But her family and she moved to another state where they thought things would improve, as more jobs were available than in the sticks where they lived.

     Every day when she looked down at her mother, she felt sick to her stomach. Because she couldn’t do anything to make her well or even lessen the pain, the doctor said they had done all they could for her. And she wouldn’t live much longer. Every day she saw her mother shrinking away, and she could do nothing to make her feel better. She thought about putting her in a nursing home, but when she checked out the cost, she realized there was no way for her to pay for it. And her poor mother would feel abandoned. So, Sandra kept going one day at a time. Occasionally, one of her neighbors would leave her some home-cooked meals. And Sandra would gobble them down to distract herself from her loneliness and depression.

     The following day, Sandra went to the mailbox to get the mail. She kept forgetting to get it, so a week’s worth of mail was stuffed in her old metal mailbox. She prayed that it wasn’t all bills since she only had fifty dollars in her bank account. But it turned out it was a letter from a law firm.

     Sandra thought, Oh no, I hope no one is suing me because I owe so much money to just about everyone. She was afraid to open the letter, so she held it tightly, walked slowly up to the front porch, and plopped down on the old porch swing. She slowly opened the large envelope, which looked like a letter from a lawyer. God, was she going to be sent to jail for all the money she owed to just about everyone?

     A tear ran down her pale cheek as she slowly opened the envelope. The short message was, ” Sandra Cummings, I have represented your mother for many years. And your mother is the only relative still living besides yourself. The check that is enclosed is in your and your mother’s name. We have been informed that your mother is dying and will most likely pass shortly. If she does pass away in the near future, the entire sum of money will go directly to you as the only living member of your mother’s family.

     Sandra was shocked and couldn’t grasp what she had just read about a large inheritance since she knew of other family members still living, let alone having a large sum of money. Sandra slowly opened the envelope and carefully pulled out the check within it. She almost took a nose dive off the front porch when she stared at the check and the amount.

     The check was in her name, and the amount was unbelievable. Sandra thought it must have been a joke or some mistake. The law firm had sent the check using a phone number and the law firm’s name. So, she plopped down on the porch swing and stared at the check for at least ten minutes.

     Then, she grabbed the phone and called the number. A woman answered the phone and said, “ Can I help you?” Yes, my name is Sandra Cummings, and I received a letter with a check for a large amount of money on it, saying I have inherited the money. “Oh, hold on, Ms. Cummings, I’ll check.” A few minutes passed, and Sandra thought, Oh, this must be a mistake, or maybe I’m dreaming all this. She waited for what seemed a long time. And then she heard a man’s deep voice saying,” Is this Sandra Cummings?”

“Yes, yes it is. I was calling about a check my mother received today.”

     “Yes, we sent you a check, it is the last of the money from your mother’s inheritance. She invested it many years ago. And it has increased in value. “Your mother informed us that she was ill, and she wanted to leave her money to you. Since you have loved and cared for her for many years, she wanted you to have some joy and happiness. And she realized that she was going to pass away soon. She loved you very much and felt guilty that you had to spend so many years caring for her. She wants you to sell the house as soon as she passes and create a happy life for yourself. She knows that you have always wanted to travel and see the world. And she wants you to find love in your life.

     Sandra could hardly speak; she didn’t know what to say. “ Sandra, when your mother passes, she wants you to know that she has arranged for the funeral and has already purchased a burial plot in her name. Her biggest wish is for you to find love and have a happy life from this day forward. Sandra was so shocked she didn’t know what to say.

     “Sandra, please inform me when your mother passes away, and the information of when and where she will be interred, and any problems you may need help with. I know it is a big loss when we lose our parents. But remember your mother had a long life, and now she hopes you will have a good life with love and perhaps a family someday. Please call me if you need any help or assistance. You have my number. Take care, I hope to hear from you soon.”

     And then he hung up the phone. Sandra was gobsmacked; she could hardly believe any of it. At that moment, she realized she had been on the phone for quite a long time. She better check on her Mom. Sandra slowly walked back into the house to check on her mother. As soon as she looked down at her, she realized her mother had passed away. Tears rolled down her face. She suddenly felt a big space in her heart. She knew she would miss her, but still it was so hard watching her mother suffer and not be able to help her. And now she was at peace. And wouldn’t suffer anymore. She would always miss her mother. But, she knew her mother was at peace. And her suffering in pain was over. For that reason alone, she was happy for her mother.

     She leaned down and kissed her mother’s soft cheek, and tears rolled down her face onto her mother. She looked around and realized there was nothing to keep her here anymore. She walked back to the phone and called the mortician to please take her mother, as she had passed. He said he would be there as soon as possible. And he was very sorry for her loss. She started to cry again, and she hung up the phone and stood next to her mother’s now still body, and she cried again. All she could think was Now I’m all alone in the world.