Category Archives: Fiction

ENDGAME

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He unfolds himself from the driver’s seat of his ancient Peugeot. It used to be Cherry Red, but little remains of the original paint. As he stands up, he rubs the small of his back and slams the door closed. It hasn’t shut properly since he was side-swiped in a motel parking lot last month.  

The sign, Rooms for Rent, by the day or the week in the front of the hotel blinks over and over again. “Just another day in paradise.” He mumbles to himself. As he walks through the hotel door, the bell jingles once and then falls to the dirty cement.

Jorge yanks out his wallet and looks for his credit card. He glances at the worn photo of his former wife and dated pictures of his children, Mike and Flossie. He wonders if he‘ll ever see them again. And then he slaps his credit card down on the chipped and faded counter and says, “A single for the night in the back.”

The hotel clerk takes the credit card without looking up and runs it through the credit card machine. “Sorry buddy but this card has been declined. Do you have another one?”

Jorge rubs his hand across his unshaven face and sighs deeply. He rummages through his wallet and finds his backup credit card. The one he only used for emergencies like this. When he hadn’t made a payment on his credit card recently. He sighs and shoves the card in the desk clerk’s general direction.

“Room 33 just make a left out of the door and around the back. Checkout is at eleven AM. There are towels in the room. If you need anything else just let me know. Then he dismisses Jorge by blinking his eyes slowly and goes back to reading a cheap paperback novel called Endgame.

Jorge yanks open his car door and gets in and moans. “Shit, shit, shit. my back is killing me. He pictures himself lying in a deep and luxurious tub with hot water jets spraying him in every direction. As he parks in front of the room, he notices that the number on his room is askew. Not a good sign. He painfully extracts himself from the car and goes to the trunk and heaves out his suitcase. Which is held closed by an old belt. He walks up to the door and slides the key card into the slot. It doesn’t work the first time or the second. But the third time is the charm.

As Jorge enters the room, he realizes any fantasy he has about soaking in a luxurious tub is just not going to pan out. He plops his suitcase down on the bed and walks toward the bathroom. He stands in the doorway. He feels his last hope disappear and depression sets in.

Instead of a tub, he stands before what looks like a coffin standing on end. The plastic shower curtain doesn’t quite reach across the width of the shower coffin. The tile floor is cracked and stained. The showerhead is minuscule. There are two towels. He puts one on the floor outside the shower. The other one has a large yellow stain in the middle. He tosses it across the closed toilet.

Jorge yanks off his clothes and shakes them out. He hangs them on a metal rod that’s sticking out of the wall across from the bathroom. He paces his shoes under what he guesses is the table. A rough piece of lumber nailed to the wall. He has been in quite a few shitholes recently but this one is going to set the standard to a new low.

As he steps into the shower and turns on the water, it trickles out slowly and wheezes, and then spits out a reddish-brown residue that smells like sulfur. Jorge opens the hot water spigot all the way up. Then the water comes out in spurts and finally lukewarm and less acrid smelling. And that’s where it remains. Jorge often uses his time bathing to consider how his life is going. And if he should consider going on at all.

Today is one of those days when he doesn’t know if it’s worth going on any longer. He can’t remember the last time anything went his way. He’s afraid he’s will be unemployed in the very near future. He hasn’t made any sales in over a month. He sells large construction and landscaping equipment. Mostly, he has been selling used lawn equipment.

The main problem was Jorge just didn’t give a good god damn about lawn equipment or construction equipment for that matter. He can’t fake it anymore. He really needs to find a new line of work. But he didn’t even have the energy to consider what in the hell he could do.  He just doesn’t have the where with all to do much of anything. Jorge is winding down like an old watch. In fact, Jorge is running out of time.

He realizes that the water is running cold, and he turns the spigot, and it falls off. Surely, this is another bad sign. He steps out of the shower and grabs the stained towel and attempts to dry off with what amounts to a dirty paper towel.

Jorge is so exhausted that he just yanks on his underwear and throws himself across the bed. And falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

There is a blinding light. Someone is parking in front of his room. He quickly jumps off the bed to double-step it to the window to close the curtains. He attempts to pull them shut. He tugs them so hard that one of the curtains comes off in his hand.

He is immobilized for a few moments trying to decide what he should do next. The answer comes when he hears his stomach growling angrily. Time for lunch. He heads to the bathroom and throws his somewhat wrinkled and slightly dirty clothes back on.

He gets back into his car and decides to stop at the first restaurant he sees. He is beginning to give up hope when he sees a sign which says in big letters, EATS, GOOD EATS.

“Well, that’s good enough for me.” He parks in front of the entrance. He looks in the picture window. There’s quite a crowd. He steps out of the car and slams the door shut.  Then he pushes open the restaurant door, it bangs closed behind him. He can hear Elvis singing Jailhouse Rock. He likes this place already. One of the waitresses yells out shrilly, “If you can find a seat, take it.”

Jorge scans the room from one section of the restaurant to the other. He notices a small, unoccupied table. He double-times it over there and plops down. He immediately regrets it because it sends a searing pain up his spine. A waitress with a beehive hairstyle and deep red lipstick stops at his table and flings a menu onto it. “Be back in five. Take a gander.”

Five minutes later, she’s back at his table. “Yeah, so what can I do you for?”

“I’ll take a hamburger, rare with all the works. And some spicy fries, no veggies, and a cup of coffee, hot. Thanks.” As he waits, he looks around at the locals. Usually, these kinds of places are filled with truck drivers, but not this one. It looks like dinnertime at the old people’s home. He can’t see a single customer here who is under sixty-five. It’s weird. For the first time in years, he feels young. A smile creeps across his face. It’s an unfamiliar feeling. It makes his cheeks hurt a little. But it’s a good hurt. Maybe he is in the Twilight Zone or something.

The waitress brings his dinner and a large carafe of coffee. “Enjoy.” She turns to go, and he says, “Hey, wait a minute, are you having some kind of meeting for old people? I mean seniors or something?”

“What, no? What are you talking about? Just give me a yell if you need something else?” Jorge shakes his head. Just as he’s about to take his first bite of the huge and greasy hamburger, he hears someone pulling out the chair across from him. He looks up and sees a young woman sitting across from him. Now he knows he’s in the Twilight Zone.

“Hello, I hope you don’t mind, but this is the only empty seat in the restaurant and I’m starved.”

“Mind, no. No, I don’t mind at all. Glad for the company.” He gapes across the table at her. She has purple hair. One side hangs down to her shoulders. The other side is shaved and has a Celtic knot tattooed on it. She has piercings through her nose, lip, and eyebrow. Her right ear has a large safety pin in it with a silver eye with a sapphire dangling from it. There’s a tattoo on her bare shoulder. It’s a dragon, and it continues down her arm. It’s purple and yellow. There are three tattooed stars down the middle of her chin. Jorge can’t stop staring.

“Well, this is the first restaurant I found in the last twenty miles. Hey, what’s with all the geezers?”

“Well, I think I’m going to get a chili cheese dog with French fries.”

Jorge gulps and thinks, this is the woman I’m going to marry.

“My name is Jorge, and you are?”

“My name? Oh yeah, sure, well, my friends all call me Lenny, but my real name is Lenore. I have a thing for Lenny Kravitz. Do you know who he is?

“Lenny Kravitz, hell yeah. But that goes back about twenty years. You must have been a kid then.”

“Yeah, I was a kid, but my big brothers listened to him. My favorite cut is. Fly Away. Do you know that one?”

“You’re damn right I do. I want to get away. I want to fly away. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. My favorite is Let’s go and see the stars, the Milky Way, or even Mars, where it could just be ours.”

The waitress comes over to their table and says,” Sorry for taking so long, but we are really getting slammed today. Although it’s always busy here. We’re the only restaurant for about twenty miles.  What can I get for you?”

“Could I get a large order of spicy fries and a chili dog? And a coke, thanks.”

“Coming right up.”

“So, how did you end up here in Podunk? Did your car break down or what?”

“No, Lenny believe it or not, I’m a traveling salesman. I sell commercial lawnmowers and construction equipment. But I’m thinking about changing my jobs. I kind of burned out on lawnmowers and traveling. If you know what I mean. How about you? What are you doing out in the middle of nowhere?”

“Traveling Salesman, wow, like Death of A Salesman with Dustin Hoffman?”

Jorge looks over at Lenny and stares momentarily. And shakes his head. He thinks she really has me pegged. His stomach clenches up. “What, I don’t think I ever heard of that before. Sorry.”

“Oh excellent, here comes my food. I haven’t eaten since yesterday at lunch.”

“Here you go, honey, enjoy.”

Lenny doesn’t say another word until she is finished eating. She has all but inhaled the food. And then she sucks down the coke. Jorge doesn’t know if he should be disgusted or impressed. He’s never seen a woman eat that much or that fast before. He decides to be impressed.

“How did you end up here, Lenny?

“Well, like I said, I was looking for a restaurant.”

“Do you have a destination, or are you just on a road trip?”

“Well, Jorge, I guess you could say that it is an unplanned road trip. My old man got up on the wrong side of the bed one night and decided to rearrange some of our furniture. And then he got that look in his eyes like my face was the next thing on his list that he wanted to rearrange. He’s done it before. And I just decided I had enough of his crap and grabbed some of my stuff, and took off. I hitched my way here.”

“So, where are you headed?”

“No idea, just as far away as possible from the shithole I just left.”

“Hey, how about a dessert, my treat.”

Jorge motions to the waitress to come over. “Yes, we would like to get a couple of desserts. What do you have?”

“Well, let’s see, we have apple pie, or we have apple pie. What would you like? Jorge looks at Lennie and winks. “Let me think. I believe we will each have a large slice of that apple pie you mentioned.”

As the waitress walks across the room, Lennie says, “quite the charmer, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, she really has that Southern charm down.”

“I really enjoyed having your company at dinner. I usually eat alone when I’m traveling for my job. It gets kind of lonely.”

“Thanks, Jorge. It was nice meeting you. Maybe we’ll meet again someday. Take care.”

They parted ways outside the restaurant door. Jorge climbs into his car and looks in the direction Lennie walked toward. “Shit, my first opportunity, and I blow it.” Jorge turns the key in his ignition and revs up the engine, and flies down the street. He almost misses Lenny standing on the corner with her thumb out.

Jorge pulls over to the curb and says, “How about a ride? You mentioned that you didn’t have any destination in mind?”

Lennie stares at him and looks up and down the street. There are no other cars on the road. “Sure, why the hell not? Where are you headed anyway?”

“My first stop is Raleigh, NC. It’s a little over four hours from here, give or take. I have an appointment to talk to a dealer who’s considering buying some of my company’s used mowers. Hopefully, this will be a big sale because I only get a small draw. I live on my commissions.”

“Gotcha. I think I’m going to take a nap. Wake me up when we get there.”

The drive from Charleston, SC, to Raleigh, NC, was a quiet one. Jorge’s imagination, however, is in overdrive. He keeps glancing over at the sleeping Lenny. She’s snoring loudly. Her mouth is wide open. Spittle is dripping down the side of her face. Still, Jorge finds her irresistible. He can’t put his finger on just what attracts him. Nevertheless, he feels that pull. He knows from his past experience that every time he feels this way towards a woman, disaster is on its way. It never failed. Most likely, she would turn out to be a pill-popping maniac or a female serial killer. He has no doubt. He’s attracted to sociopaths.

As Jorge pulls off the highway I 85 onto Discovery Drive. He sees a sign for J.P. Palm Inc. Large Equipment Sales and Rental.  He pulls in. He looks over at Lenny, and she’s still sound asleep. He doesn’t want her to wake up and not know where he went. “Lenny, wake up. We’re here, and I have to go in and talk to the sales manager. Lenny, wake up.” Nothing. He gives her shoulder a little shove and then a slightly harder one. He calls out loudly, “Lenny, wake up.” Nothing. He decides to write a note and tell her he’ll be right back. He puts the note under the passenger side sun visor.

Jorge yanks the door open and walks over to the counter, and hands him his business card. “Hello, my name is Jorge Keppel. I have an appointment with the purchasing manager. Is he available?

“Yeah, sure, hold on, I’ll buzz you in.”

Jorge walks through the door and sees a long hallway with five identical doors. He walks down the hall until he finds one that is labeled Harry Enright, purchasing manager. Jorge knocks and is greeted by a gruff, “come in already.”

“Hello, I’m Jorge Keppel. I represent Snyder and Sons Equipment out of Charlotte.”

“Yeah, I remember. What can I do for you?”

“Yes, we spoke on the phone, and you said you might be interested in some of our products. I emailed you with the specs of some of our equipment.”

“Oh yeah, yeah, sorry, it’s been one of those days. I meant to contact you before you came all the way out here. But my boss just informed me yesterday that he purchased the equipment at a reduced price. While he was at a meeting with another company. And we won’t be buying any further equipment until after the fiscal new year. Sorry for the trouble. I got busy and didn’t get around to calling you.”

Jorge stares at him momentarily and has to swallow his anger. “Oh, well, that is unfortunate. I hope you will keep my company in mind. Please contact me if I can assist you in any way. Jorge turns and opens the door. He feels like his head is going to explode. As he walks back down the hall, it seems a mile long. He thinks he’ll never get to the end. He keeps mumbling, shit, shit, shit.”  He walks out past the counter and out the door, never to return.

When Jorge looks into his car’s front seat. He doesn’t see Lenny sleeping or awake. He looks in the back seat. Nada. “Crap, crap, crap, I give up. Just when you think it can’t get any worse than this, it does. Dammit.” Jorge looks up and down the street and doesn’t see a living soul. Across the street, he sees a bar that has seen better days. “Well, it can’t hurt to go and have a look in there.”

He walks across the street and into the bar. It’s empty save for a lone customer who is passed out and has his head on the bar. And the bartender doesn’t look that sober, either. “Hey, did a young woman with tattoos come in here in the past twenty minutes or so?”

“Nope, I would have remembered her. Just Old Charlie here. He’s my best customer this time of day, sorry.”

As Jorge steps outside, he sees Lenny getting into a car that must have just pulled over while he was in the bar looking for her. “Shit, shit, shit.”

He considers yelling out to her, but what’s the point, he thinks? The car pulls out so quickly that the tires spin in the loose gravel. And just like that, Lenny leaves his life just as unexpectedly as she arrived. If he weren’t so accustomed to disappointment, he would get depressed. As it was, he was already there, so he just sighed and put the car into drive, and headed toward his next destination Fayetteville. It would be a lonely two-and-a-half-hour trip.

Jorge was accustomed to being lonely. It’s his normal state of mind. About halfway to Fayetteville, he decides to stop at the next gas station and fill up. As he pulls off the main road from the ramp, he notices a car parked on the emergency shoulder. The only reason it gets his attention is that he sees a lot of frantic movement in the back seat. And then the back door flies open, and a young woman shoots out and takes off on foot.

He watches the woman, and then he realizes that the woman is none other than his Lenny. Jorge sees a somewhat rotund man attempting to catch her on foot. But with little success since he didn’t seem to be in any sort of physical shape to run anywhere. Jorge charges at him with his car and no doubt put the fear of god into him. As the fat man jumps back onto the shoulder of the road, he rolls and struggles onto his feet again and into his vehicle.

Jorge continues down the road toward Lenny. He begins beeping his car horn. Lenny turns her head momentarily in his direction. And apparently assumes he is a fat boy. Jorge sticks his head out the driver’s side window and starts shouting,” Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, it’s me, Jorge, stop. Stop, Lenny, it’s me.”

At this point, Lenny realizes it’s him, and so Jorge slows up and pulls onto the shoulder in front of her. He opens the passenger’s side door, and she all but falls onto the back seat. “Christ, it’s about time you showed up. What took you so long? I almost got raped. Holy shit.”

“It’s about time I showed up. What is that supposed to mean? Why did you get into a car with a stranger? Why didn’t you wait for me? I wasn’t even gone that long? You are lucky I was headed in this direction, or I wouldn’t even be here now to save your ass.”

“A stranger? You are just as much a stranger as that guy. I don’t really know you either. And I didn’t know how long you had been gone. I was asleep.”

“Well, I, for one, I didn’t try to rape you, did I? You’re little nuts. Do you know that? Do you want to come with me or not? I can find a bus stop somewhere around here, or you can go hitch. Which, by the way, is getting into cars with strangers? And you told me you do that all the time.”

“I’m on my way to Fayetteville, and since you’re in my car, you are too. Unless you want to get out along the way somewhere, just let me know.”

“Yeah, I will, don’t worry. I think I’m going to take a nap now. Don’t get any funny ideas.”

“Yeah, right, thanks for the vote of confidence. We’ll be there in less than three hours. I’ll wake you when we get to our destination. I don’t want a repeat of your last performance. I’ll be in and out in a half-hour. Then we can get something to eat. Is that all right with your highness?”

Lenny was already asleep when he asked her the last question. But what the hell? He had the satisfaction of saying it anyway. Jorge turns on some tunes to keep him company on the drive. Lenny is already snoring and drooling. She sure wasn’t any sleeping beauty. But he still had to admire her spirit.

Jorge is making a great time, and he will be at the exit for Route 87 in about fifteen minutes. And Manito Construction Company was only about ten minutes from there. He wishes himself luck and mentally crosses his fingers and his toes. He needs a win badly. Otherwise, he will definitely be looking for employment when he gets back home. He glances over at Lennie, and he can see she’s still breathing but other than that no signs of life. She isn’t proving to be much company on the road. Since it seems being in a car puts her to sleep like a newborn baby.

As he pulls into the parking lot of Manito Construction, he considers his tactic for selling some top-of-the-line equipment to James Rathgeb, the Parts and Equipment guy at this division office. Jorge decides it’s time to wake up Lenny to prevent another unpleasant outcome. “Hey Lenny, wake up. We’re here. No response. “Hey, Lenny, wake the hell up. We’re here.”

“Here, where’s here?”

“We are at my next stop. Wake up. Stay in the car if you want to keep riding with me. I don’t want a repeat of the last experience anytime soon. I won’t be that long. Then we can get some food. Do you understand? Stay in the car? I’ll be back in a few.”

Lenny watches as he walks through the front door and talks to the guy at the counter, and then disappears through what she supposes must be a door.

Jorge walks through and looks for the parts and Equipment department. He sees it on the left and briefly knocks and walks in after hearing someone with a gravelly voice say, “Yeah, what?”

“Hello, I’m Jorge Gutierrez. I called earlier about talking to you about some used equipment my company has for sale. Jorge hands him his business card. I was told that you were having difficulty finding equipment at your local dealer. As it turns out, we have two 2016 CATERPILLAR 289D available with the front-loading tree grinding head if you need it. Here’s the information and the price. We can get to you by end of the week if need be.”

The manager looks at the schematic and the price and stands up and says,” Ok, if you can give me a discount for buying both, we have a deal.”

Jorge is so happy he feels like doing a jig. But controls himself and just nods,” yeah, I think we can do that.  I’ll fax you a copy of the details and give you a delivery date when I get back to my office tomorrow. If I can help you in the future, just give me a buzz on my cell.”

Jorge shakes his hand and walks out of the office into the vestibule and out the door. He is smiling from ear to ear. Finally, the worm has turned. It’s the first good luck he has had in six months. Calls for a celebration.

Jorge looks in the car window, and Lenny is asleep in the back seat. He pulls the door open and sits in the driver’s seat. He checks his cell to see what time it is. His stomach tells him it’s dinner time. “Hey, Lenny, wake up. It’s time to go. Jorge leans over and yells, “Get up. It’s time to get up. It’s time to go.”

Nothing, she’s still sound asleep. Jorge gets out of the car and goes around to the back door, and opens it. He leans in and gives her a shake. Nothing. He shakes her again. One eye opens, then the other. She moans, and her eyes roll back in her head. “Lenny, please wake up. Are you all right?

Lenny opens her eyes and asks, “What the hell is going on? I told you no funny stuff.”

“Funny stuff, I thought you were dead or overdosed or something.”

“Oh, well, I haven’t slept in a couple of days, what with my old man and all. And then I was hitchhiking. I’m just tired, is all. Calm down. Caffeine, that’s all I need, caffeine.”

“Look, Lenny, I’m finished with my business here. I’m going to check into a hotel for the night, get a shower and go out to dinner. As he was about to start the car, Jorge’s cell started ringing. He looks at the number, and he could have sworn that it was his old phone number. From when he was still married.

“Hello, Jorge Gutierrez here. Can I help you?”

“Jorge, this is Malory. I need you to come home to see your children. They haven’t seen you or gotten more than a Christmas or birthday card from you in almost two years. Mikey’s been getting into some trouble in school. And Flossie has been skipping school. They need a father in their life, Jorge. And that’s you whether you like it or not. When can you come here?”

Jorge doesn’t answer right away. It never occurred to him that his kids missed him or needed him. He hadn’t been much of a dad to them. He was always on the road and didn’t see them that often. And when he was home, he slept most of the time or watched sports. And then he pictures his kids the last time he saw them. They were standing in the driveway, crying. His wife told him,” if you feel that way, then just leave. We don’t need you.” The kids were calling out, “Daddy, daddy, don’t go. We’ll be good.”

“Put them on the phone, Malory, please.”

“Dad, is it really you? Are you coming home? Me and Mikey really miss you. Please come home.”

“Hi Mikey, I miss you too. I thought you and Flossie would be better off without me. I guess I was wrong. I’ll come home this weekend to see you guys. I really missed you too. Put your mom back on, please.”

“Malory, I’ll be there this weekend, late Saturday afternoon. Is that alright?”

“Yes, we will be looking forward to seeing you. We missed you, Jorge. We all do.”

“I’ll see you then, Malory. I’ll give you a call when I am about a half-hour away. See you Saturday, bye.”

Jorge looks in the back seat. He has completely forgotten that Lenny was back there. As he looks at her, he realizes that he really didn’t have anything in common with her. And really, she’s a stranger. He had just been getting desperate. “Lenny, that was my wife, I mean my former wife. I have to go home. My kids need me. So, let’s go get that meal, and then I will have to be on my way. If you still want a lift, I can take you anywhere you want to go along the way.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever. It makes no diff to me. Wake me when we get to the restaurant.”

Jorge starts the car and puts it into gear. It occurs to him that today was the first day of the rest of his life. And a smile appears on his face, and it stays there.

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SHE WAS LAID TO REST

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I received the call very late at night, long after I went to bed. Long after, I finally fell asleep. I heard the phone ringing. But my mind refused to acknowledge it. We all know that good news never arrives after midnight. And this call was no exception to that maxim.

In the morning, after my first cup of coffee, I notice the message light on my phone is blinking. I look at the caller ID. It’s my Great Aunt Maeve’s number. I can’t remember the last time I heard from her. The fact is, I thought she died decades ago. I haven’t kept in touch with that side of the family. Too Catholic, you know. Too old school. Too judgmental.

My life choices would not bear scrutiny. Not that I’m a serial killer or anything that drastic. Just that, well, let’s say I believe the ten commandments have some flexibility in them, some leeway, if you know what I mean. For instance, it’s not that bad to lie as long as you aren’t hurting anyone with that lie. It’s not that bad if you steal, as long as it isn’t hurting anyone personally. And if the money isn’t missed by anyone, then what’s the harm?

Besides, the church doesn’t believe in drinking or playing the horses or gambling at all, for that matter, unless it’s Bingo. But really, how is that any of their business anyway? What’s the problem with the occasional pint, or ten pints for that matter? Isn’t hurting anyone else, is it? No, of course, it isn’t. Get over yourself. Mind your own business. That’s what I say. Mind your own damn business.

I push the message button.  It isn’t my Great Aunt Maeve. It’s her granddaughter Katie. I always had kind of a crush on her. She was a real Irish beauty back in the day. Hair down to her waist, as dark as coal and so thick your fingers would get lost in it. Her eyes, well, they were that shade of blue that looks like blue ice. Light blue, deep as the ocean. You could drown in those eyes. Her body was a young man’s dream. Sometimes I couldn’t get to sleep at all at night just from thinking about her.

“What’s that, you say? Isn’t she’s your cousin?” Yeah, sure, she’s my cousin. But not my first cousin. What’s the harm, I say? We were young, and it was all very innocent — just a kiss or two, nothing more. Oh, get over yourself.

Anyway, Katie is letting me know that Aunt Maeve has passed over to the great beyond. She tells me the funeral is in three days. And, of course, after the funeral will be the traditional Irish Wake. Well, ordinarily, I avoid funerals like the plague. But an Irish Wake well that I wouldn’t miss even if it were going to be my own goddamn wake. Especially then, I guess. She tells me that the funeral is at 10:30 on Friday morning at Holy Mackerel Church. OK, so that’s not the real name.

It’s really called St. Patrick’s. It’s in Gloucester City, NJ. Don’t let anyone ever tell you the Irish have any creativity. Every other church and child’s name is Patrick. Even after the church admitted, there never was a real St. Patrick. They just continued naming every child and church after him. The Irish lot is about as stubborn as they get; don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

Well, no doubt about it, I was going to have to fortify myself in the next couple of days with some good booze and beer. If I am going to survive a week with my family. I’ll have to be good and drunk and stay that way if my psyche will survive the inquisition that every cousin, aunt, or uncle is going to put me through. But, not to worry, I’ve had years of practice — years of training. I’m up to the challenge. Ready or not, here I come.

So here I’m on my way to the funeral. I have Radar Love cracked up as high as possible. I get off the freeway to buy a six-pack of Old Milwaukee. Yeah, I know not a beer of choice unless you like the taste of armpit, but it brings you right down to earth. And that’s what you need when you are going to spend more than a week with the dearly departed and your loved ones.

As I pull off Route 130 onto Market Street in Gloucester, NJ, I have an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. It could be nausea, could be I drank too much. But I doubt that since I have a pretty high tolerance for alcohol in any form. As I see the house at the end of the street, I realize I feel like that kid I was long ago that left home at twenty. Angry, resentful, lonely.

Indeed, I didn’t come back as a war hero or successful businessman.  But hell, I’m a tin knocker. When I work, I make pretty decent money. When I don’t, I live on unemployment until the Union calls me back. That’s life if you work in construction.

I pull my 1971 El Camino next to the curb and stare over at the house. It looks the same. It’s a two-story stucco with faded shutters and a red front door with black hinges. My Uncle Hugh just loved to paint everything black and red. He was quite the character. Heavyset with those light blue eyes. And could be mean as a snake if you got on his wrong side. He was the one that caught Katie and me kissing on the couch in the basement.

The lilac bush was overgrown, and the grass hadn’t been cut in a long time.

But still, it’s the house where I spent most of his youth. My Aunt Maeve took care of me every summer. She fed me Lebanon bologna and cheese. Or sometimes fried bologna sandwiches with chicken noodle soup. Every Sunday, she made a different kind of cake for dessert. My favorite was chocolate cake with vanilla icing sprinkled with shredded coconuts. It was the only day they ate roast beef and noodles. I can almost smell it while I stand here on the porch.

I have my hand poised, ready to knock, but at the last moment, I grasp the doorknob and turn it. The door opens, and I hear a chorus of voices all talking at the same time. Aunt Aileen yells out,” it’s our Danny standing at the door like a stranger. ”Come in, come in and give us a kiss for the love of god. Has the cat got your tongue?”

“Hello, Aunt Aileen. It’s been a long time. You look great.”

“Oh, get on with you. You must have kissed the blarney stone. Say hello to your Uncle Pat.”

“Hello, Uncle Pat.”  He’s sitting on an ancient upholstered rocking chair. There’s duct tape holding it together. He’s even fatter than I remember. He’s wearing a red and white striped shirt with a pocket. In the pocket are his Pall Mall cigarettes. He lost all of his hair, which was thinning even back when I was a kid. I can smell the nicotine on him from two feet away. The lampshade on the coffee table next to him is stained yellow from years of exposure to Uncle Pat’s smoking unfiltered Pall Malls.

“Well, I may have put on a pound or two. You’re a grown man Danny, but I would have recognized you anywhere. So, what have you been up to? What kind of work are you doing these days?”

“I’m a tin knocker, Uncle Pat, just like my dad. I’m sorry I didn’t come back for his funeral. I didn’t hear about it until long after. I was in the middle of moving at the time. And staying with a friend. I should have kept in touch.”

“Well, you’re here now. That’s all that matters. Sit down, take a load off.  Your Aunt Aileen will get you something to eat. There’s enough to feed an army, as usual. I hope you brought your appetite with you. You’re a bit on the scrawny side, if you don’t mind me saying. But your Aunt Aileen will fill you out, don’t you worry. She’ll be right back with a plate.”

Danny plops down on the couch. He could swear it was the same couch he remembered from his childhood. They must have finally taken the plastic cover off.  He looks around the room, and there’re some familiar faces. Older than he remembered, but still, he would know them anywhere. Danny doesn’t see Katie anywhere. Maybe she’s in the kitchen. It’s loud in here.  Irish music is playing in the background. He thinks it’s the Clancy Brothers. When he was a teenager, he couldn’t stand hearing all the Irish tunes.

At that moment, he hears his Aunt Liz calling out, “Danny, Danny, my boy, where is he? Oh, there you are. Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. Come here, give us a hug.”

Danny stands up and walks over to her and is crushed in her bosomy embrace. When he catches his breath, he looks up at her. Her face bears the weight of the years and all the pain she has to carry.” “Hello, Aunt Liz, it’s good to see you. It’s been a long time. You look good. Is Katie here? I haven’t seen her?”

“Oh, sure, she’ll be here in a  shake of a lamb’s tail.  Oh, I’ve forgotten how you two used to be as thick as thieves when you were kids. I’m so happy you came. I wish you had come back before Maeve left us. She talked about you all the time, and you were the light of her life. Why don’t you come into the kitchen with me and you can fix a plate? You look half-starved, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

Danny follows his Aunt Liz into the kitchen. It looks as if time has stood still in this kitchen. It’s still painted a cream-colored stained with years of nicotine. The linoleum floor remained in the orange and brown checkered board pattern. Tracks are worn into the tile surface from forty years of foot traffic.

Danny walks over to the narrow cabinet next to the refrigerator and opens it. The ironing board is still neatly hidden within its depths. The General Electric refrigerator had been replaced by a more recent and larger one. And the chandelier which once graced the ceiling is now a fluorescent light fixture. Danny’s Uncle Hugh had an artistic streak and often replaced everyday household items with his creations.

Take a load off Danny. Danny pulls out the chair and sits down. His Aunt puts a plate down in front of him. Danny looks down, and his plate is so full there isn’t an inch of space that isn’t covered with food. He picks up his fork and starts shoveling it in. He hadn’t eaten a home-cooked meal in years. Mostly his diet consisted of fast food and bologna and cheese sandwiches, followed by a six-pack of Michelob.

When he looks up again, everyone is staring at him because his plate is entirely empty. And they all start laughing. Danny is embarrassed at first, but then he too joins in the laughter. He didn’t realize how hungry he had been.

“Well, you poor thing, are you still hungry? Do you want some dessert? We have some homemade chocolate cake with vanilla icing with coconut on top. What do you say?”

“I’m pretty full, but yeah, I would love a piece of homemade cake.”

His Aunt Liz hands him a huge piece of cake, and a cup of coffee, so strong Danny tastes the caffeine before he swallows any. After he finishes, he rubs his stomach and exhales. “ God, that was the best meal I’ve had in years. Probably since the last time I ate since the last time I was here. Thanks so much.”

As Danny looked around at all the faces at the table, he noticed there were tears on his Aunt’s and Uncle’s cheeks. At the same time, he realizes there are tears running down his own cheeks.

His Aunt Liz comes over and hugs him. “Oh, Danny, we have all missed you so much. It’s sad that losing Maeve’s passing is what it took for us to get you back. But I know that she would be thrilled to see you sitting back at her table.”

Danny looked up at her. ”Aunt Liz, I didn’t realize how much I missed all of you. Aunt Maeve was the closest thing I had to a mother. I guess I couldn’t get over all the anger I had when I left. I just wanted to block out all the angry words between my dad and me. And then he died, and I felt so guilty. That I hadn’t come back and made it right, I couldn’t face the funeral. I’m glad I come back now. It’s hard to be in the world without anyone caring what happens to you.”

“Oh, Danny, we did care. We all love you. We never stopped. OK, no more tears today. Let’s try to remember the good times we all had with Maeve.”

The next morning Danny comes downstairs from his old bedroom dressed for the funeral and feels a sudden emptiness.  On some level, he was expecting his Aunt Maeve to be sitting at the table drinking her tea and reading the paper. He did hear his Uncles and Aunts talking quietly together. He couldn’t quite make out what they were saying.

“Good morning Danny, how did you sleep? I guess your childhood bed was a bit uncomfortable for you.”

“I slept fine. I fell right to sleep and slept through the night. What time will we be leaving for the funeral?”

“In an hour. Danny, we would like it if you were one of the pallbearers, and I would like you to get up and say a few words about Maeve. You were such a big part of her life. She would have liked that. What do you have to say?”

“Well, I’m not much on public speaking, but yeah, I’d like to say a few words. After we eat, I’ll go upstairs and write down some of my memories of Aunt Maeve. I hope I don’t mess it up.”

“Danny, just speak from your heart. You never had any faith in yourself. But we do. We always did.”

“OK, I will do my best, Uncle Hugh.”

After breakfast, Danny went upstairs and started thinking about his Aunt Maeve and how much she meant to him. And how much she had loved him and accepted him just the way he was. If it hadn’t been for her, Danny would have left long before he got out of high school. His father was a falling-down drunk and used him as a punching bag. His mother had left when he was about three or four. He had very few memories of her at all.

Without his Aunt Maeve, he wouldn’t have survived his childhood. As he thought about that, he realized how much he missed by not keeping in touch with her for the past ten years. He can’t do anything about the past. But he can do something about the here and now. He starts writing.

It’s time for Danny to step up to the pulpit. He clears his throat and looks up and out at all the people who came to acknowledge his Aunt Maeve’s passing but also celebrate her life. He sees his cousin Katie in the first row. She nods at him and lifts her chin up. It’s a signal they used to use to give each other support. When they were young and, things got tough. He lifted his chin to her.

“Good morning, everyone. We are all gathered here to mourn the loss of someone dear to us, someone we will all miss. She will leave an empty space in our lives that she used to fill. But I hope we can fill that space with all the loving memories we have of Aunt Maeve.

For me, she was that safe place I could go when I felt all alone and unloved. She would cook a hot meal. She always gave me a warm and loving hug and a kiss on my cheek. She assured me that I was a person of value. And that I was someone that she loved and would always love, no matter what. She accepted me for who I was and never told me I wasn’t good enough, not smart enough, or not good-looking enough. She held my hand and warmed my heart.

My life was richer for having known her. When I talked to her, she listened. She heard and cared. She was never too busy. She was always there for me. I can see by the way you are nodding your heads that she did the same thing for each of you. We were blessed by having to know her. She was both strong and soft at the same time. I can only hope that someday I can inspire someone else the way she inspired me always to work hard and do my best. So, as we go forward in our lives, let us keep her in our hearts and minds. I know she will be traveling with me throughout my journey through life. I will always feel her by my side, and I will never be alone again.

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THE MASKED BANDIT

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It’s early Spring, and I’ve recently planted all the vegetables that I had started in my greenhouse outside. I can’t tell you how much I looked forward to eating freshly picked vegetables, tomatoes, peppers, and herbs.

Every morning I walk outside filled with anticipation, loving every minute of the hard work, the heat, the rain, the weeding. And watching the bees slowly buzzing over the plants and landing on the flowers that have recently bloomed. I imagine the bees are in some sort of drunken stupor from the overwhelming array of smells as they hover and land so lightly upon the plants that surround them.

I take a deep breath. I feel slightly lightheaded. Even though I have gardened almost the entirety of my adult life, I still feel the same joy I felt the first time I saw a plant growing and peeking out from the earth that was merely a tiny seed ten days before.

The time flew by in what seemed moments, and I saw some of the watermelons growing larger by the day. I could almost taste their sweet nectar upon my lips. Every day that passed drew me closer to that moment when I could enjoy the fruits of my labor. And then the horror began.

One Saturday morning, I stepped outside on my screened-in porch, and I saw what appeared to be one of my watermelons in the middle of the yard. But how could that be? How in the world could that happen? This was the very watermelon that was so close to being ripe. It was huge. How could anything but a human being pick it up and carry it out into the middle of my yard? And then abandon it. What kind of warped individual would commit such a crime against nature, against me? Who, who would do it? I could not imagine.

We live in a small community with only about twenty homes. And my neighbors made a practice of keeping to themselves. They rarely even pass the time of day if they see you outside in your yard. I was lucky if they even waved. After six years, I only knew the names of a few of our neighbors.

I slipped my gardening boots on and ran out into the yard in my pajamas I hadn’t even put on my gardening clothes. I was in such a shocking state of mind I forgot I hadn’t gotten dressed yet. I felt as if I was looking at the remnants of a murder committed in my own backyard.

I ran through the wet grass. It had rained heavily the night before. And looked down at my fallen watermelon. And it had huge bites taken out of it. I could not comprehend why anyone would do such a thing. It was bad enough that he or she would steal from my garden. But, to then take bites out of it and then leave it to rot in the middle of my backyard was impossible to take in. I was baffled.

I felt such anger well up in my heart in mind. I felt my temples throbbing, and my face felt flushed. The only time I felt this angry was when I was in my last year of college, and my teacher told me that my latest story was the work of a person who had no clue how to write or had any creativity. He failed me for the semester, and I had to retake the course. And then one of my classmates told me that self-same teacher just had a story published in a magazine. And it was almost an exact copy of my story word for word.

This is how angry I felt today. Someone had taken one of my creations that I worked and sweated for and destroyed it, desecrated it. I silently promised myself that I would seek revenge on whoever was responsible for this crime against nature.

When I returned back to my house, I called up my best friend Beth and told her the whole story. She listened quietly without interrupting. And then she said, “.Elizabeth, try and calm down; you’re going to have a stroke if you don’t calm down. Try to put this in perspective. It was just a watermelon. I’m sure that you planted more than one. I know how much you love gardening and look; the fruits of your hard work are like children to you. But think about it, you were going to eat it. And there will be another melon to take its place.”

“What? Just another watermelon. How can you say that? I planned my garden all winter. I spent hours and days preparing the soil, planting the seeds, watching them, and watering them. “

“You’re right, Elizabeth, but what’s done is done. You just have moved forward. Try not to let this affect you so much. Try to move forward. Maybe you could put some kind of net over the garden to prevent further damage.”

“You’re right, Beth. I will have to find a protocol to prevent this from ever happening. I will set up traps all over my yard if need be.”

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IT’S A NEW DAY, IT’S A NEW DAWN

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As I step out the front door, I put one foot in front of the other. I tell myself just to take one day at a time. I see Roger, my neighbor, in his front yard, picking up his newspaper sans pants again. God, no, not today. Please don’t let him see me, not today.

I rush towards my car, pushing the unlock button. Unlock, unlock, I scream inside my head. He is a nice enough old man but somewhat senile. Sometimes he forgets to put in his teeth, and then there are the days like today when he forgets to put on his pants. Roger goes commando, which is unfortunate for everyone who lives in the immediate neighborhood.

Luckily, he has forgotten to wear his glasses as well, so he doesn’t see me, and I make a clean getaway.  I‘m off to my first day at my new job. Never mind that this is the third first day of a new job that I have had to endure in the past five years. Each job is a step down from the job that preceded it. Not to mention a pay cut. Oh, I meant not to mention it, but I did. Whoops!

I keep reading and hearing on the radio that the economy is turning around, but I don’t see any evidence of that in my life or in the people I know. But there is no point in dwelling on it.

My new job is as a cashier at a car dealership. I have been working in the automobile sales business for thirty years. I started at the bottom as a secretary and worked myself up to vice-president of the new car sales department. I was the only female to reach that position within my company. The auto sales business, especially in a Japanese-owned company, is highly misogynistic. You know, the old boys club, the glass ceiling and all that.

When the economy took its downturn, the auto business went bust. I was the first to be laid off. Actually, I took an early retirement package. I really didn’t have a choice. It was early retirement or fired with no package. This included keeping my pension, one year of health insurance, and one year’s pay.

It took me one year to find another job.  You know something, and there aren’t a lot of vice president jobs for a sixty-something woman. My next job was manager of Internet sales job at one of the dealers I used to audit in my old job. He called me and offered me the position when he heard I had been laid off. I took a $ 60,000-a-year cut in pay, but I didn’t have much choice. No more unemployment left. No other job offers.

After a year there, I was laid off because I kept complaining to the owner that all the car salesmen started drinking after he left for the day. They weren’t the happy drunks you don’t mind being around. They were the other kind, the nasty drunks.

Laid off again and got another Internet manager position, which lasted six months. They decided I wasn’t bringing in enough leads, so they hired an outside company to take over my position.

And that brings you up to speed. I’m driving on the Roosevelt Expressway in the early morning rush hour to my new job as a cashier at another dealership. I hope I will be able to impress them with my years of experience and knowledge of the auto business. Moving quickly up the ladder of success until I once again reach the soaring heights of middle management.

Ah, I see the dealership is coming up on my right and making a sharp right turn. I almost missed the entrance. Unfortunately, someone else is making an equally sharp left turn out of the driveway, and just like that, two cars become one.

My airbag deploys, and I am hit with such force that it knocks the wind out of me. I hope I have not cracked my ribs or some other vital organ. I finally catch my breath, and I see a very furious-looking woman headed my way.

She is wearing a very grim smile on her face. Well, perhaps it’s more a grimace than a smile.

I reach for my cell in case I have to push 911. I look into my glove department for my insurance information. I roll down the window. She immediately starts screaming at me. “It’s your fault. You hit my car. I just bought it last year. Now, what am I going to do? You stupid… ” Well, you fill in the blanks.

I take a deep breath and wait until she runs out of steam and calms down. Finally, she says,” Well, this has turned out to be one of the worse days of my life. First, I get fired with no warning at all, and now you crash into my car and destroy it. No car, no job, what next?”

“I’m really sorry. This is my first day here, and I guess I am a bit nervous and wasn’t watching as carefully as I should have. Let me give you my information.”

“Really, you were starting here today. I didn’t know they were hiring anyone or that there were any openings. What position were you hired for?”

“The cashier position.”

“What the… that’s my job.”

She then lets out a string of expletives that would make a longshoremen blush. I quickly push the button to roll up my window and decide now would be the perfect time to push 911 before any blood is shed. My blood.

The woman is still ranting and raving and having a full-on tantrum when the cop arrives, and he tries to talk her down. She finally stops screaming but is still shooting me evil looks. Well, you know that expression if looks could kill? Well, it’s true if looks could kill, I would be lying here in a puddle of my own blood, riddled with bullet holes.

The cop talks to me and the lunatic, and everybody cools down. We exchange information, and she heads off on her merry way. Well, not merry, but you know what I mean.

I pull into the parking lot and look for employee parking. I see there is one spot left and pull in. As I walk into the dealership, two sales types come racing towards me, mistaking me for a customer. “Sorry, I’m not a customer. I’m the new cashier. Can you point me in the direction of human resources?”

“Yeah, sure, it right over there, but you’re late, and Z doesn’t like that. Z, that’s the owner, has kind of a bad temper, so try to stay on his good side, if you can find it.

So begins my first day at my new job.

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THE GREEN EYED MONSTER

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I admit I’m not an example of a perfect human being. I’m not without my flaws. I have a short fuse, and I’m a perfectionist. I never lie, not even to protect someone’s feelings. I can be blunt to the point of being rude at times. I am a busy person; I don’t have time to protect someone’s feelings.

On the other hand, I am also generous to a fault. I am the person who will give you a place to stay if you need one. I’ll give you money if you find yourself in a fix, even if it’s my last dollar. I will stand up for you when you need a friend. But don’t lie to me ever, or you will find my boot on your neck. Figuratively, of course. Don’t cross me. I will seek my revenge. Oh, I almost forgot I am a jealous person.

I was kind of a shy person in high school. I didn’t date. I was always afraid of rejection. I lacked confidence in myself. That is until I was accepted into all of the colleges I applied to in my senior year of high school. I hit the ball out of the park when I took my SAT tests. I got the highest score possible, 1,600. I have to admit even I was shocked. Although, to tell the truth, nobody but nobody prepared themselves more for the SAT test than I did. I studied night and day and didn’t go out on weekends or during the summer. I didn’t date. I didn’t have time for a social life.

And all my hard work was rewarded in Spades when I was accepted at all the colleges I applied to. And they were all top-notched schools. I have to admit I had felt a little bigger, and so did my ego. I knew that when my college career began, I was going to excel there as well. I didn’t have to get a job because I got a full ride for four years of college. And one of the benefits I hoped to enjoy was my pick of the most beautiful undergraduate women I met.

I looked forward to the first day I walked across the campus. And I couldn’t believe how many beautiful co-eds were there. I knew I still had to work and study to continue my success. I knew it wasn’t going to be handed to me. But, I made a promise to myself that I, Joseph P. Harding, would graduate at the top of his senior class walking hand in hand with the most beautiful female in my graduation class.

It wasn’t going to be easy because I knew I would be working and studying almost every minute of the day. When I wasn’t in class. I kept my eyes open at all times, searching for that perfect partner. And then, one day, it happened, I saw her sitting across the room. She had long, red hair and blue eyes the color of a cloudy sky. A killer smile and a laugh that garnered everyone’s attention. It was like music to my ears. I knew, just knew she was the one.

I had to find a way of getting to know her without seeming too obvious. And by the end of the class, a solution was handed to me. When the professor said, you are going to have a project that would have to be completed by mid-term, and we were required to have a pardner. Can the person sitting at the front of each aisle please come up and get these handouts for each person in your aisle? The handout will explain the project and its perimeters.”

And I thought, ah-ha, that’s it. I’ll ask her to be my partner. I would find out if she would be the perfect fit for me. I wanted a woman that was not only beautiful but intelligent, quick, talented, and interesting. And whose focus was on being as successful as I was. And who knew what her goals were, not just immediate goals, but long-term goals.

And then I heard the professor calling out my name and telling me my partner was Helena Cox. And then, she asked us to both stand up and introduce ourselves to our partners and the class. And low and behold, the future love of my life stood up, as did I. Helena stood up and said it in a clear, beautiful voice. “My name is Helena Cox. I’m happy to meet you all.”

And then I stood up and said, “Hello, my name is Joseph P. Harding. And it’s privileged to meet you, Helena. I look forward to working with you and getting to know you.” I heard a few snickers from some of my classmates after my comment. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so transparent. I would have to be less transparent in the future. My face got a little red. But I promised myself I would be more careful in the future. The professor said, “please make plans to meet after class and discuss your topic and divide the workload. I don’t want any one person to be doing all the work. Is that understood?”

And everyone mumbled, “yes, sir.”

The professor said, “what did you say? I can’t hear you.”

And we all yelled out, “yes, sir.”

As I was leaving class that day, I felt someone tug my sleeve, and I turned in that direction, somewhat annoyed. I didn’t want to be late for my next class. I said, “yes, what? I don’t have a lot of time.”

And I turned and saw that beautiful face looking at me with those eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to sound so rude. I just can’t stand being late. It starts the class off on the wrong foot, doesn’t it? I’m on my way to Introduction to Freshman Literature. Where are you going?”

“Oh, that’s funny. That’s my next class too. Do you mind if I walk with you?”

“Mind? No, not at all. Sorry for seeming so abrupt. Let’s go. We can discuss any ideas we have for our project.”

“Well, there’s the library on the left. Why don’t we stop in there and read over the handout? We still have about twenty minutes before the next class.”

“OK, but I don’t want to be late. Oh, sorry. I just hate being late.”

“It’s OK, I don’t like to be late, but it should only take a couple of minutes.”

So, we went into the library and took the two closest empty seats. And we scanned the hand-outs. Helena was a faster reader than I, and she said, “oh, I think I have an idea already. How about if we write the report from an observer’s point of view? As if they were there observing it firsthand. What do you think?”

“I think that is a great idea. How about exchanging emails and phone numbers? And then we can think about it overnight and then talk about it when you have a free period this week.”

“That’s a great idea, Helen. I have Wednesday, third period open. How about you?”

“Wow, that is really a coincidence, Joseph. I have that period open as well. It’s almost like fate wanted us to work together.” And I gazed into her eyes.

She looked at me and then looked away. “Well, I don’t know about that. but it does seem like good luck.”

“Everybody calls me Joe.”

“OK, Joe. I’ll see you then.”

The rest of the day, I had difficulty concentrating. My mind kept flashing back to Helen. I knew it wasn‘t a good idea to start focusing my attention on a girl I hardly knew. When I needed to keep my energy on school and moving forward. But there was something about her that drew me to her.

On Wednesday, Joe had trouble concentrating on any of his classes. He kept obsessing about meeting Helen at the library during the third period. The third-period bell finally rang, and Joe all but flew out of his chair and out the door to the library. He made a pit stop at the men’s laboratory to check his hair and use the bathroom.

When he arrived at the library, he peaked in the door to see if Helen had arrived.  He could see her sitting at a table in the back of the room. There were several people sitting there already, but there was still one empty seat. He had hoped that he could get some alone time with her. This was going to make it more difficult for him to ask her out.

Joe walks nonchalantly to the table. Then he notices the guy touch Helen’s arm. This immediately set off alarms in his head that he didn’t know what to do. His first impulse was to knock the guy’s hand off her arm. But he managed to get hold of himself at the last minute. Joe took a deep breath and then walk over to Helen and said, “hello Helen, do you still have time to talk to me about the project we have to work on together?

“Sure, by the way, this is my boyfriend, Charles. He is a year ahead of me. So, he has been showing me the ropes and all the professors. And he knows about all the great places to go in the area. I’m sure he would be willing to share the info with you.”

Joe’s jaw felt like it fell to the floor when she said, “boyfriend.” And he almost shouted, boyfriend, out loud. He was so relieved that he managed to control himself at the last second. What he did say was, “oh, you didn’t mention you had a boyfriend.”

Helen stared at him blankly for a moment and said, “well, there wasn’t any reason to. we are just working on a project together. We don’t even know each other. We just met in class the other day.”

“Oh, sure, of course. Sorry. Do you have time to discuss our project?”

“You know Joe; perhaps it might be better if you and I found other partners. I don’t think this is going to work out. I’m going to talk to the professor about it right now.” Then Helen leaned in and gave her boyfriend a kiss.

Joe’s face turned bright red, and he felt like he was going to explode. He abruptly turned away and walked out of the library. He decided he better go outside and take a walk until he calmed down. This was not the first time something like this had happened to him. He had a tendency to get carried away. And believing that girls liked him just because he liked them. And then he would get very angry when he realized they didn’t. And the one time he did have a “real” girlfriend, he didn’t trust her and would stalk her wherever she went.

Eventually, the parents of the girl made a police complaint about him. And he was forced to take counseling and wasn’t allowed to go near the girl again, or he would be arrested. He had been warned about this behavior, but he didn’t seem to have any control over his feelings. He felt overwhelming jealousy whenever he was attracted to someone and expected those feelings to be reciprocated, but they never were because he became so possessive.

Joe sat down on a bench, trying to calm down. He decided he just needed to give Helen more time, and she would come to care about him the same way he felt about her. He decided he was going to clandestinely follow her and then gradually bump into her once in a while until they became friends. And she would come to realize that she really did love him as much as he loved her. And she would dump her loser boyfriend. And then they would end up together forever. He just knew it.

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THE LETTERS

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I received a call last night. I was informed that my father had passed away. And I had a week to clean out my father’s apartment, or all his worldly belongings would be disposed of in the nearest dumpster. I knew this day was coming, but I kept putting off the unpleasant task of emptying my father’s place of whatever meager things my father had left behind.

My father and I had lost touch long ago. After my mother passed away suddenly fifteen years ago, my father just disappeared after her funeral. I never heard from him again. My parents hadn’t lived together for years. And when they did live together, every day ended with them yelling and screaming at one another. When I was a kid, I thought everyone’s family was like ours. I can’t remember a time when they were happy together. I never brought my friends over to my house. And once I became a teenager, I made it my goal in life to spend as little time at home as possible.

The day I graduated from high school, I got on a bus and never returned to my hometown. I called my mother occasionally and let her know that I was alright. But I didn’t give her my address. Since I didn’t want my father to show up at my door unexpectedly. Looking for a handout, or worse yet, drunk and angry at the world and wanting to take it out on me. Like he did when I was a kid, I was his punching bag. I never wanted to see him again.

I had difficulty locating my father when my mother died of a heart attack when she was fifty-six. Finally, I was able to get in touch with an old friend of his who still occasionally kept in touch with me. My father and I used to go to the track together to bet on the horses. And they played cards for money. My father was a gambler, and his favorite place in the world was the casinos in Atlantic City.

Anyway, the night I called him, I said, “Hello, dad, it’s me.” And he answered,”what do you want?”

“Want, I don’t want anything from you. I doubt you have a pot to piss in any way. I’m calling to let you know that Mom died on Friday; she had a heart attack. I thought you might want to know. Anyway, the funeral is being held at Brown’s Funeral Home since Mom hadn’t been to church in years. It will be at 10:30 in the morning.”

“Well, you didn’t give me much warning, did ya?’ I don’t know if I can come. I’ve got my own life to live, you know. I just can’t drop everything on a dime .”

“Dad, like I said, she died suddenly, and I had trouble finding you. Your friend, Freddy Myers, finally was able to track you down, and he gave me your phone number. It’s up to you whether you want to come or not. It doesn’t make any difference to me one way or another.” And then I slammed the phone down. And hope I will never have to see or hear that old scoundrel again as long as I live.

Anyway, he showed up at the funeral late, but not too late. He looked rough. He had a suit on that looked like he picked it up at the local thrift store. But at least he made some effort. If I had met him on the street, I might not have recognized him. He looked like he hadn’t eaten a decent meal in years and spent his time drinking night and day. It kind of made me feel bad, but he lived the life he wanted, and there was no changing the past. I walked over to him and offered him my hand to shake, and he looked down at it like it was a rattlesnake or something. I said, “Hello, dad, I’m glad you came. Why don’t you go up and say your goodbyes to Mom. You did come all this way. I wouldn’t want it to be for nothing.“

And then he turned and headed towards the casket where my mother laid. My father stood there in silence, and then he reached down and touched her hair and hand. I saw his shoulders rise and fall, and I could hear him sobbing quietly. I felt a tear slowly make its way down my cheek and fall to the ground and then another followed.

My father turned and walked slowly out of the chapel and out the front door. He never turned around and waved goodbye or anything. He just walked out of my life again, probably for the last time. My heart was pounding so hard it hurt. A friend of mine came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. He held me for a moment, and then he stepped back. He looked down, and then he said, “it’s hard to lose a parent even if they weren’t the best parent. They were the only ones we ever had. Come on, why don’t you come over and say hello to some old friends from high school. It’s been a long time.”

I never heard another word from my father. I had no idea how he kept body and soul together all those years. I never married for fear that I would just repeat the mistakes my parents made. And god forbid bring children into the world to suffer the same empty, lonely childhood I had.

And the next time I heard anything about him was the night I received a call that my father had passed away, and he had left my name and address, and phone number to contact upon his death. I have no idea how he knew where I lived or how he got my phone number. In a way, I was relieved that I had heard about his passing. It gave me some peace of mind that he wouldn’t show up at my door someday. And also, I could finally put the past behind me. Anyway, I told my father’s landlord that I would be over that next day to clean out the place and take my father’s belongings away. I wasn’t looking forward to it, not at all. I was dreading it. But I knew it would finally close this unhappy chapter of my life, and I could finally move on.

The next morning I woke up at the crack of dawn. I kept obsessing about having to go to my father’s place and how it would bring all the bad memories back to haunt me. It turned out he only lived about an hour and a half away from me. When I arrived at his address, I looked up and down the street, and I thought what a terrible place for someone to live the last years of their life, all alone. There was trash up and down the street on the curb and blowing up and down from one nasty, sad place after another. There was a homeless man asleep or high or dead lying next to the door of my father’s building. I couldn’t help but wonder if my father had ever slept on the curb after he went on a bender.

I stepped around the homeless man and walked up the steps, and rang on the door to be let in. No one answered, so I tried the door, and it turned out it wasn’t locked. So, I just pulled it open and stepped inside. The smell was horrendous. There was trash up the steps, and one step had what looked like blood on it. I took a deep breath and made my way carefully up the steps to the second floor of my father’s place. The door was locked, so I had to go down the steps again and knock at the door that said, Superintendent of the building. I almost laughed aloud, thinking this dump has a superintendent. It didn’t look like anybody had cleaned this place up since the depression. I rang the bell, and a middle-aged, balding fat man answered. He said, “Yeah, what do ya want?” I told him who I was and that I was here to clean out my father’s apartment. You called me yesterday. “Oh, yeah, that’s right; here’s the key. Go ahead and bring the key back when you are done. Your father was in apartment 2 B; he lived here for a long time, never had any trouble with him.” And then he slammed the door in my face.

I made my way to the apartment. I unlocked the apartment and stuck my head into the room. I don’t know what I expected. But I was surprised to see it was clean and neat. There was an older TV, a raggedy but clean couch, and a single bed that was stripped clean of sheets and blankets. I looked into the bathroom. It was also clean and neat. I thought I must have the wrong room. My father had never been clean or neat. He had never picked up his clothes and hung them up. He had just thrown them on the floor and yelled at my mother, get in and clean up this mess. Before I make you sorry.”

I looked in the drawers, and there were some clothes all neatly folded. I looked in the closet, and there was an old suit. I think it was the same one that he wore to my mother’s funeral. There were a couple of pairs of shoes. All that had seen better days. I looked up, and I saw a wooden box. It was the nicest thing in the whole place. I took it down from the shelf and looked inside. There were old letters inside the box. And they were in my mother’s handwriting. And there were several in my father’s handwriting. I was so shocked that I almost dropped the box.

I decided to go sit on the couch and read the letters. They were addressed to my father and the dates indicated that they were written before my parents had gotten married. I was shocked. I knew nothing of my parents’ lives before they got married. I began to read the letter with the oldest postmark. It was a love letter from my mother to my father. In it, she declared how much she missed my father and how much she looked forward to being reunited with him again. And how she knew they were going to have a wonderful life together.

I was absolutely flabbergasted. My mother and father were once deeply in love? I felt tears run down my face. I looked through the letters for the last post-marked letter. It was from my father. He wrote to my mother that he had been injured and would be coming home soon because he wouldn’t be able to continue to fight any longer. Since he had suffered some severe injuries. He told her he was no longer the man he used to be, and maybe she should find someone else.

The next letter was from my mother saying that she loved him dearly and she wanted him to come home to her and she would help him recover. She would wait for him, and she didn’t want anyone else. And she ended the letter with, “I will wait for as long as it takes, and I will love you forever.” And she signed it, “all my love, I will be waiting for you for as long as it takes.”

I could hardly believe my eyes and understand the words I had just read. I know I would spend the rest of my days trying to understand what went wrong between them. And wish that they had experienced a better life together than they had. I can only imagine that my father had suffered both physically and emotionally from whatever he suffered during the war. I felt broken-hearted for the young couple they must have been and the unfortunate life they lived after his return. But in the end, I was happy to find that at one time, they had been in love and hoped to have a happy life together, but I felt sorry that it did not work out the way that it should have. That is what happens in life sometimes. Our plans for a happy and fulfilling life doesn’t always turn out as we hope it will. I held the letters next to my heart for a few minutes. I slipped the love letters back into their box, and I knew that they would forever remind me that life is short and to make the very best of it that we can. And if we find someone to love and who loves us back, we should never let it go.

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THE MASKED BANDIT

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It’s early Spring, and I’ve recently planted all the vegetables that I had started in my greenhouse outside. I can’t tell you how much I looked forward to eating freshly picked vegetables, tomatoes, peppers, and herbs.

Every morning I walk outside filled with anticipation, loving every minute of the hard work, the heat, the rain, the weeding. And watching the bees slowly buzzing over the plants and landing on the flowers that have recently bloomed. I imagine the bees are in some sort of drunken stupor from the overwhelming array of smells as they hover and land so lightly upon the plants that surround them.

I take a deep breath. I feel slightly lightheaded. Even though I have gardened almost the entirety of my adult life, I still feel the same joy I felt the first time I saw a plant growing and peeking out from the earth that was merely a tiny seed ten days before.

 The time flew by in what seemed moments, and I saw some of the watermelons growing larger by the day. I could almost taste their sweet nectar upon my lips. Every day that passed drew me closer to that moment when I could enjoy the fruits of my labor. And then the horror began.

One Saturday morning, I stepped outside on my screened-in porch, and I saw what appeared to be one of my watermelons in the middle of the yard. But how could that be? How in the world could that happen? This was the very watermelon that was so close to being ripe. It was huge. How could anything but a human being pick it up and carry it out into the middle of my yard? And then abandon it. What kind of warped individual would commit such a crime against nature, against me? Who, who would do it? I could not imagine.

 We live in a small community with only about twenty homes. And my neighbors made a practice of keeping to themselves. They rarely even pass the time of day if they see you outside in your yard. I was lucky if they even waved. After six years, I only knew the names of a few of our neighbors.

I slipped my gardening boots on and ran out into the yard in my pajamas I hadn’t even put on my gardening clothes. I was in such a shocking state of mind I forgot I hadn’t gotten dressed yet. I felt as if I was looking at the remnants of a murder committed in my own backyard.

I ran through the wet grass. It had rained heavily the night before. And looked down at my fallen watermelon. And it had huge bites taken out of it. I could not comprehend why anyone would do such a thing. It was bad enough that he or she would steal from my garden. But, to then take bites out of it and then leave it to rot in the middle of my backyard was impossible to take in. I was baffled.

I felt such anger well up in my heart in mind. I felt my temples throbbing, and my face felt flushed. The only time I felt this angry was when I was in my last year of college, and my teacher told me that my latest story was the work of a person who had no clue how to write or had any creativity. He failed me for the semester, and I had to retake the course. And then one of my classmates told me that self-same teacher just had a story published in a magazine. And it was almost an exact copy of my story word for word.

This is how angry I felt today. Someone had taken one of my creations that I worked and sweated for and destroyed it, desecrated it. I silently promised myself that I would seek revenge on whoever was responsible for this crime against nature.

When I returned back to my house, I called up my best friend Beth and told her the whole story. She listened quietly without interrupting. And then she said, “.Elizabeth, try and calm down; you’re going to have a stroke if you don’t calm down. Try to put this in perspective. It was just a watermelon. I’m sure that you planted more than one. I know how much you love gardening and look; the fruits of your hard work are like children to you. But think about it, you were going to eat it. And there will be another melon to take its place.”

“What? Just another watermelon. How can you say that? I planned my garden all winter. I spent hours and days preparing the soil, planting the seeds, watching them, and watering them. “

“You’re right, Elizabeth, but what’s done is done. You just have moved forward. Try not to let this affect you so much. Try to move forward. Maybe you could put some kind of net over the garden to prevent further damage.”

“You’re right, Beth. I will have to find a protocol to prevent this from ever happening. I will set up traps all over my yard if need be.”

“OK, don’t get carried away. You can be injuring any of your neighbors because of a watermelon, Beth.”

“Alright, I won’t harm anyone, but I will certainly put the fear of god into them if it’s the last thing I do on earth. I will make them regret the day they came into my yard, my garden, and designated it.”

“You are still sounding unhinged; go in your house, get a shower, get dressed, and eat some breakfast. Maybe your blood sugar is too low. And then call me later, maybe we could go out to dinner and a movie later. Take your mind off of the watermelon. Call me after your shower, and we’ll make plans, OK?”

I called Elizabeth later, and she wasn’t home. I left her a message and said I was calmed down and that maybe we could make plans for later in the week. I decided that I would have a surveillance system put on the exterior of my home, and I would find out who the culprit was. And when I did, I would make them regret the day they were born. The next day they arrived bright and early and set up the surveillance system. I could watch my yard anytime I wanted to, and somehow they had connected it to my cell phone, and I would be able to check out my yard 24 hours a day if need be. I was stoked.

If there were any signs of someone on my property, I would receive a message on my cell phone. For five days, there was nothing. But I remained on edge. I had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. I was confident that whoever it was would return to rob me again. And so I waited and waited for something, anything to happen.

And then, on Sunday night, as I was sleeping soundly in my bed, my cell phone went off with a high-pitched sound that woke me from the first sound sleep I had had in almost a week. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I did jump out of my bed and looked out my back bedroom window that faced my garden. I saw nothing. It was pitch dark.

So, I put on my shoes and my robe to protect myself from the mosquitoes and headed out the back door. And low and behold, I saw someone or something moving. But, it was too small to be a human. What, what could it be? And then I saw four or five smaller shapes moving behind the larger one. Good lord, what could be going on? I couldn’t fathom it. I slowly moved toward the moving shapes. Trying to be as stealthy as I could, considering my size.

As I got closer to them, I pulled my small flashlight out of my pocket and shined the light on the moving shapes. And when I did that, I saw one large and five sets of smaller eyes glowing red in the dark night. The larger of the group stood up on his hind back legs, and low and behold. I saw before me a Raccoon. The largest one I’ve ever seen. Behind her were five smaller versions of her, baby raccoons.

They looked eerie in the flashlight, and as soon as they saw me, the mother raccoon made a weird squealing noise, and they all took off like bats out of hell towards the back fence. And off they went. If they ever returned, I saw little evidence of it. Every once in a while, there would be some missing vegetable but never a watermelon again. I decided I was willing to part with the odd vegetable or so. She did have a family to feed, after all.

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TIME GOES BY MAKE THE MOST OF IT

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TIME GOES BY MAKE THE MOST OF IT

We’ve been planning the fishing trip since last Fall. I was really excited about it. Believe it or not, I’ve never fished before. And I was looking forward to a new experience. I don’t eat fish which makes it even weirder I guess.

But the fact is I haven’t had a vacation in years and god knows I need one. I’m worn out from the daily grind and the long train ride into the city every day. The noise, the crowds, the non-stop pressure every day.

 I haven’t seen my friend Mildred in years. Actually, now that I think about it I haven’t seen her since the year we graduated from college. We both attended Temple University. I majored in Art Education and she was an Art History major. She has been asking me for years to go camping and fishing with her. She spent every summer of her childhood living in a cabin out in the woods and fishing and swimming. In fact, in college, she swam competitively. Why she’s practically a fish herself.

I’ve never been much of an outdoorsman or should I say outdoor’s woman. In fact, I wasn’t even a girl scout. I never slept outside or swam in a lake or fished. Never cooked hotdogs on an open fire or sang campfire songs with my friends. I spent most of my childhood sitting in front of the TV. My idea of an outdoor experience was walking downtown and buying a Slurpee or a donut at the bakery. I guess you could say I was somewhat of a sedentary kid.

Anyway, here I am in the middle years of my life and I received a call from my college friend, Mildred out of the blue. As soon as I picked up the phone and she said, “hey, Leona long time, no see, no talk. I am planning on going camping for a week and I would just love it if you came along. Just you and I like old times. What do you say?”

“Mildred, I can’t believe it’s you. The weirdest thing is that I’ve been thinking about you for the past few months. I don’t know why I didn’t just pick up the phone and call you. I can’t believe almost thirty years have gone by since we graduated from college. And that we are both fifty years old.

“Yeah, that’s kind of a bitter pill to swallow, getting old and looking older. But, hey I’ve still got a lot of life left in me. So, I was sitting here thinking about what can I do to celebrate the years I have left and stop mourning the youth I’ve left behind me. And that’s when I thought about you and all the fun we had together in college and what a blast we could have taken a trip together doing something we’ve never done together before. What do you think? Are you up for it?”

“Yes, I’m up for it, absolutely. Where did you have in mind, Mildred?”

“A great camping location, Nockanmixon State Park. There is swimming, hiking, biking, and fishing and they have affordable cabins to rent there. I haven’t been there since I was a kid but I loved it so much we used to go almost every year.

“Really, that does sound great. I’m afraid I’m a little out of shape so you’ll have to take it easy on me at first. When do you want to go? I’ll have to give my employers at least a couple of weeks of notice. But it shouldn’t be a problem since I haven’t taken a vacation in years. I guess I’m a bit of a workaholic and overachiever.”

“Well, I look forward to catching up. So, let’s make plans for the first week of June. It won’t be too hot, or too wet. And it shouldn’t be crowded that early in the season. How about giving me a call after you talk to your employer.”

“Wow, I’m really getting excited. I’ll call you as soon as I talk to my boss.”

“Great I look forward to hearing from you soon. And then I’ll make the reservations. Remember to bring hiking boots, make sure you break them in before you arrive, and comfortable clothes and warm pajamas because the nights there can be quite chilly in June. And you might want to bring a sleeping bag. There’s a small grocery store not too far from the camp so after we meet up, we’ll go get food and anything else we might need. I hope I’ll hear from you soon. “

“Well, Mildred hearing from you has really lifted my spirits. I was feeling like I was in a rut. This is going to be great. I’ll call you as soon as I arrange the time off. Bye for now.” And that’s when I heard her hang up and I remembered that Mildred hated saying goodbye. I wondered if she was still the same old Mildred I knew in college or if she had settled into her middle years. I hope she was the still wild, funny, and intelligent Mildred I knew so long ago. My heart was beating so fast, I haven’t had anything to look forward to in so long. I couldn’t wait.

But before I knew it the weeks flew by and it was the day before I left to go on the camping trip with Mildred. I wondered if I would even recognize her. I checked and rechecked everything in my bag and in the trunk. I had purchased hiking boots and I had worn them almost nonstop since I bought them even to work. Every day one of my fellow workers made fun of me because I was wearing hiking boots with work clothes. But I just ignored them. I knew, in the end, I would appreciate breaking them in so my feet wouldn’t be killing me the whole time we were camping and hiking.

Six and a half hours later I arrived at the entrance of the Nockanmixon State Park. I called Mildred a half hour ago and told her when I would be arriving. I pulled into a parking spot out front. and I could see a middle-aged woman frantically waving at me. I waved back. I hoped it was Mildred but it was hard to believe because the woman I was waving at hair was completely white. The closer I got to her the more I saw the resemblance to my old friend. Albeit a bit older looking, but no doubt the same in every other way I hoped.

I opened up the gate and Mildred came running over to me and gave me the biggest, tightest hug I’ve had in ten years. And then she stepped back and looked me up and down and said,” I would have recognized you anywhere. A little older, but wiser no doubt. I’m so glad you were able to come and spend the week with me. You can not imagine how much I’ve been looking forward to this trip.”

“Well, Mildred I could say the same of you except for that beautiful white hair. Only you would be improved by aging. You look fabulous.”

“You are a sight for sore eyes, Leona, a sight for sore eyes. I have thought of you so many times over the years. I wish I had called you before. But we’re here now and that’s all that matters. Well, let me direct you to our cabin. It’s just a short walk from here. Why don’t you grab your stuff and bring it with you? After we spend some time getting reacquainted we’ll take a short drive to the store and buy whatever we need.

Mildred kept a running commentary while we hiked up to the cabin which turned out to be a little further than I anticipated. And I was a little out of breath when I arrived. I guess I was a bit out of shape since I got very little exercise at my job unless you call rolling around on my chair in my office adequate exercise. I was silently getting anxious about all the hiking we would be doing.

“Leona, you’re awfully quiet. Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m alright. It was just a long drive and I had trouble falling asleep last night since I was so excited about coming here. I guess I’m a little out of breath too.”

“Oh, well we’ll take it easy the first couple of days until you get your sea legs so to speak. And then we’ll take some more difficult trails. This is going to be so much fun. “

By the time I saw the little cabin come into view I was completely winded and sweating. I had never been so happy in my life as the moment that cabin came into view. I said out loud, ” thank you, dear god, we finally arrived.”

Mildred took a look at me and laughed. “We here now so you can take a rest. I also packed us a little lunch and brought some drinks with me in the cooler. And then maybe we’ll bring our stuff into the cabin while we’re at it. “

“Ok, sure we should bring our stuff in now, eat and take a little nap, I’ll be a new woman by then and we can then go to the little store and pick up some groceries. It’s all good I’ll be fine by then.” And then we began lugging all our stuff into the cabin. “Excuse me, I have to make a quick stop at the lady’s room.” When I came out Mildred had everything organized and was still brimming with energy. Alrighty then, why don’t you take a little nap, and I’ll take a little hike and get the lay of the land. What do you say?”

“I say, sounds like a plan. I’ll take a little nap and you go check things out. Be careful and don’t go too far. I’ll see you in a little bit. I’m sure I will be feeling fine by then. I turned and walked into the door on the right and laid down on a twin-size bed with my feet hanging over the edge. And I fell immediately into a deep sleep. When I woke up I had brain fog which happens every time I take a nap in the middle of the day.

When I woke up I didn’t recognize where I was right away. And then I remembered I was out in the middle of the woods with my old college roommate, Mildred. I thought it would do me good to go into the bathroom and throw water on my face. And then I went back out of the main room and looked around. It wasn’t a huge space but it was clean and neat. It looked like the couch was comfortable. The kitchen was small but well-equipped as advertised. Nothing in the fridge box of baking soda.

I called out to Mildred but she didn’t answer, so I walked over to the door and looked out. And there she was in all her glory. And believe it or not, she was chopping wood with an ax. I couldn’t have lifted up that ax and swung that ax if my life depended upon it. I said, “Good Lord” out loud. and Mildred says, “well, hi roomie. I’m glad you’re up and about. As soon as I clean up a bit we can take a ride to the little store I told you about. What do you say?”

“I say, all right, let’s be on our way shall we?”

“Yes, let’s and while we’re driving there we can catch up.”

We made our way over to Mildred’s car and hopped in. Well, I didn’t hop in, it was more like I flopped in. About twenty minutes later Mildred pulled into a parking spot in front of the smallest food store I’ve ever seen. But, I had quite a surprise when upon opening the door I saw shelves and shelves of any kind of food you would ever need or want. And the store owner called out,” we just got some fresh deer meat in this very morning.”

Mildred said, ” this is our lucky day Leona.”

“Sorry, Mildred, I have been a vegetarian for the past twenty-five years. I’ll stick with vegetables and grains and beans.”

“You’re kidding? Why do you used to eat more hamburgers than the whole dorm put together? And now you don’t eat meat, Leona?”

“Yes, that’s right, no meat, no eggs, no cheese, no milk, or any mild product.”

“Well, I would have thought you would be in better shape than.” And then she let out a big guffaw.

“Yeah, thanks, Mildred. I think I’ll take a look around at what’s available that I can eat.”

“Alright, Mildred. I’m going to order a pound of that deer meat. You don’t know what you’re missing.”
“Yes, Mildred I do. I ate meat for years.”

About fifteen minutes later. we were ready to check out. We split the bill and were on our way. In about twenty minutes we were back at the cabin. We brought all the groceries in and put them away. And Mildred made some ice tea and handed me a glass. And we both took a long drink and I thought now what?”

“So, Leona how about filling me in on what you have been doing all these years. Any husband in sight, kids?”

“Well, I got close a couple of times, but it just never happened. I can’t say I have any regrets I was never one of those women that wanted to have a husband and a house full of kids. I have a successful career and am about to become a partner in the firm I work for. I bought a townhouse about sixteen years ago and I’m quite content with my job and home. I have a lot of friends at work and we go out a couple of times a month for dinner. I have taken two cruises, one to Europe and one to South America. How about you?”

” Well, I was married for a couple of years, but it didn’t work out. He was something of a control freak and I have a tendency to be something of a loose cannon at times. Since I get an idea and my head and can’t stop until I do what I want to do. He didn’t like that and after a while, he started looking for someone else I found out about it and filed for divorce. He has since married again and has three kids and his wife doesn’t work. She’s a stay-at-home mom. Which is fine but not for me. I travel all the time with my job and am hardly home. I love my job it is challenging and I am in line to get a big promotion this year. to vice-president.”

Well, it seems like Mildred that we do have some things in common. And that we are both content in the lives that we have built for ourselves. And I’m happy to hear that. 

“Me, too Leona, me too. We’re a couple of career women. But, let me tell you I think we both like to have some fun too. And that is what we’re going to be doing this week. We are going to swim, hike, fish, well, maybe you won’t want to fish but you can just relax and rest up for all the hiking we’re going to be doing. Are you up for a little hike today or would you like to wait until tomorrow?”

“Well, Mildred I vote for taking it easy the rest of the day and maybe reminiscing about our college days. What do you say?”

“I say, let’s. I was just thinking about Liz Beaumont a couple of months ago. And then the weirdest thing happened I ran into her. At Target no less. She and I were standing in line for prescriptions and she was in line in front of me and I was talking to the person behind me. And she heard my voice and turned around and yelled at the top of her voice, ” Is that Leona Peppard I hear? And I said, “Yes, it is.” And she came over to me and practically hugged me to death. Remember those hugs she gave us?”

“Oh yeah, I do. I swear one time she hugged me so hard she broke one of my ribs. God, what a character she was.”

“Anyway, after we got our prescriptions we decided to go have lunch together and we talked and talked for hours. Turns out she is involved in politics and is running for office. And she asked me to come and volunteer for her. And so, I’ve been doing that. It turns out that we are both Progressives and she has some of the same goals as I do. “

“Wow, you just never know what will happen to people. Do you remember Joey Santoni? I ran into him at a local bar. And guess what he was the bouncer? Can you believe it? He was athletic but I thought he was going to have a career in football. “

“You’re right, Leona. I never did get around to asking him what happened. But, he’s a nice gun. But, maybe he took too many blows to the head.”

“Well, you never know what’s going to happen in anyone’s life. I did hear that Marilyn Curtis was killed in a car accident on the interstate highway in Pa. a few years ago. You’re right you just don’t know what can happen at any given time. Life is short we should enjoy it while we can. Let’s talk about what we want to do this week, shall we?”

And they spent the next week, hiking, swimming, getting sunburned, and eating good food. They decided that they should get together for a week every year and take a vacation to a different exotic location. Next year they were going to go on a photographic safari to Africa since during their conversations they both talked about their love of photography. Their camping trip was a complete success and they both agree to get together after all these years was the best decision they have ever made.

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THE MOST PRECIOUS TREASURE IN LIFE

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Of all the pastimes that I have enjoyed over my lifetime the one, I loved the most was beach combing. I spent all my summers in Wildwood, NJ as a child. Wildwood is a beach town on the Southern Coast of New Jersey. And when I grew up I saw no reason to stop going. Unfortunately, I was only able to go to Wildwood for two weeks during my summer vacation as an adult. But I counted the days until I returned like a child counting the days until Christmas.

If there‘s a better place to spend the summer than the beach I have yet to find it. The salty air, the ocean, the sky, and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocky shore. And more than anything the feel of the warm sand between my toes. It‘s heaven on earth.

I spent the long, hot, and sultry summer days walking from one end of the beach to the other. I carried a large plastic bag with Captain Hook’s picture on it over my shoulder. When I started to feel too hot I would run down and jump into the ocean to cool off. The water was cold and shocking at first but until I would get used to it. And I would swim out the waves and let the waves carry me back to the beach. I never felt more alive or free.

As I walked the beach I would look down and kick the sand to see if I could uncover hidden treasures. When I first started to comb the beach I would pick up shells in every shape and color. One day I found hundreds of tiny little shells and I filled up my bag to the brim.

When I got back home that day I put the bag of little shells on the floor under my bed. And later that day my mother went into my room to change the bed sheets and low and behold she saw hundreds and hundreds of tiny crabs crawling all over the bed and on the floor and under the bed and up the walls. I heard her yelling my name out at the top of her voice. And I knew that I was in big trouble. But I couldn’t imagine what I did wrong.

My mother continued to scream until I managed to collect them all and put them in my beach bucket. She looked at me like she thought I was out of my mind. “Why in the world would you bring all of these creatures into my house. You better find every one of them and take them back to the beach this minute. Don’t ever do this again or you won’t be going to the beach anymore. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mom I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were crabs. I thought they were just little seashells.”

I collected all of the crabs, at least I think I did. And I took them back to the beach and released them. However, for the next week or so I found a crab on my bed, one in my closet and one made it all the way into the hallway before I caught it. And believe it or not about a month later I found one crawling in my sink and before I could catch it went down the drain. I guess he found a shortcut to the ocean.

Early one hot and humid day I walked down to the beach in the morning and I saw an old guy walking on the beach. He had something in his hand that had a pole with a round metal circle at the bottom and he was moving it slowly across the beach. I thought “what in the world is he doing?”

I decided to run up to him and ask him what he was doing. He was concentrating and he didn’t notice me coming near him. So, when I screamed “hello” at him he jumped about a foot into the air. I started laughing, and he got real mad and ask me, “are you out of your mind startling me like that? I could have had a hard attacked and died right in front of you?”

I looked at him, and I was about to say, “sorry”, when he started laughing. “What are you up to boy? What’s your name?”

“Everybody calls me Sandy because I’m always dragging sand into the house from the beach. But my real name is Sammy. I like to comb the beach for treasures and add them to my collection.”

“Is that so? Well Sandy that‘s exactly what I’m doing. I comb the beach with this metal detector for treasures. It can tell when there are any kind of metals under the sand. And it makes a sound when it finds metal. It can detect metal that’s under twelves inches of sand. I’ve found beer cans, coins, and a couple of rings. One of them was a gold wedding ring. And I found an old watch. Tons of stuff, some of it was valuable and some of it was trash. I do it for fun and it gives me an excuse to walk up and down the beach and to talk to interesting people like yourself.”

“Really? I would love to get a metal detector. Do you know how much they cost?”

“You can get a cheap one for about one hundred dollars. But a good one will cost ya about two thousand dollars or more.”

He saw Sandy’s jaw drop down as far as it could Sandy said. “Wow, I don’t think my parents have that much money. I guess I’ll just keep looking with my feet.”

“What do you mean looking at your feet?”

“I mean, that as I walk along the beach, I kick the sand up with my feet and if I see anything or feel anything I dig it up with my shovel and my hands and I put it in my bucket and take it home. Last time I found a hundred little shells and I brought them home to my room and it turned out that they were little crabs. And they crawled all over my room even in my closet and on my bed. My mother had a fit. One even went down the hall to the bathroom. Now I’m not allowed to bring anything home that might be alive. Parents are no fun.”

“Well, Sandy, would you like to walk along the beach with me today and see if I find any treasures? Do you want to run home and ask your Mom if that’s alright?”

“No, she doesn’t care. She never asks what I’m doing as long as I’m home on time for lunch and dinner. Anyhow, I don’t know your name.”

“Oh, sorry I should have introduced myself to you. My name is Bill. My friends call me Billy Boy though. So, why don’t you call me Billy Boy? As I consider you a new friend.”

Sandy looks at Billy Boy and says, “OK Billy let’s go. I can’t wait. We’re going to find some gold doubloons I know it. Then my mother will be happy when I make her rich.”

“Well, I don’t know if we’ll find doubloons but you never know let’s be on our way.”

Sandy and Billy Boy spent three hours on the beach looking for treasure. And then Billy Boy said, ” you know what it’s almost lunchtime how about we take a walk on the boardwalk and get some lunch?”

“Yeah, I’m starved.”

“OK, Sandy how about the Do Wop Diner? They have the best hamburgers and Milk Shakes in Wildwood.”

“Yeah, Oh I love hamburgers and milkshakes. I want a chocolate shake.”

“Me, too Sandy. That’s my favorite too.”

Billy Boy and Sandy spent an hour eating and talking about the treasures they would find. And then Billy said, “I have to take a trip to the boy’s room I’ll be right back. Sandy gulped down the remainder of his milkshake. And as Billy Boy walked up to their table. Sandy let out a loud burp. And Billy Boy laughed and so did everyone that was sitting near him.

Well, I paid our bill, so let’s be on our way and continue our treasure hunt shall we?”

“Yay, let’s go.“

And they walked down the boardwalk for about twenty minutes and Billy Boy said, “Hey how about we play a game or two and buy some fudge. I do so love me some fudge.”

“What? I love fudge too.”

Ten minutes later they had finished their fudge and felt so full they could burst. And Billy Boy said, “back to combing the beach.”

After about ten minutes or so of walking down the beach, the metal detector started beeping. “What’s that Billy Boy?”, said Sandy.

“Why it’s telling us there is some kind of treasure down there. Start digging.”

And then Sandy dug and dug and dug and then suddenly he yelled, ” I found it, I found it, at the top of his lungs. And he pulled up a leather bag and it felt heavy. He shook it and it sounded like coins. Sandy yelled, “we found treasure, we found treasure.” Both Billy Boy and Sandy started jumping up and down. Which was no easy trick for Billy Boy since he was seventy-five years old.

Sandy opened the pouch and he found coins, but they weren’t ancient coins. They were new ones. Billy Boy looked at them and said, “oh, look they’re coins from the casino. Somebody won them and put them in this leather pouch. We aren’t rich, but we’re lucky. Who knows what we’ll find tomorrow. Gold dublooms maybe, you never know. Do you want to meet me out here tomorrow and we’ll try our luck again, same place, same time?”

“Yeah, we’re going to be rich aren’t we?”

“Well, Sandy, I feel richer already?”

“You do, Billy Boy how come?”

“Well, Sandy, I’m richer because I made a new friend today.”

“You did, who?”
“Well, you of course Sandy. I feel like the richest man on the planet. How about we split these coins and we’ll meet again tomorrow, buddy?”

“Yes, buddy let’s do that.” And Sandy smiled from ear to ear. And he never felt happier than he did at this moment.

 

THE SKELETON KEY

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I grew up in a small town in New Jersey in the 1950s. In the Summer kids were allowed to stay out after dark until their mother called them home. No one ever locked their doors at night or their cars.

One day my mother showed me a key. She said, ” Anne Marie come here. I want to show you something, I walked over to her and she started whispering in my ear. “Anne Marie this is just between you and me. It’s going to be our little secret. I want you to take this key and keep it safe with you all the time even when you are going to sleep.”

She put the key in my hand. I looked it over. It was almost as big as the palm of my hand. It was scary looking. At the top of the key, there was a skull carved into it. “I don’t like it, mom. Why is there a skeleton face on it?”

“Oh, it’s called a skeleton key. And it‘s been made to fit every keyhole in our house. If you ever have to get out quickly or you need to lock all the doors even the bedroom and the bathroom doors you can do it with this skeleton key. Keep it safe. It may save your life someday.”

“OK Mom, I will I’ll keep it with me all the time.” My mother gave me the key to keep me safe. But I always felt I was safe until she gave me that key. And then I was afraid all the time. I didn’t know what was going to hurt me but I knew something was going to some time, somehow. I wish my mother never gave me that awful Skeleton key.

I felt like I had to be on high alert every day, all day especially when I was home alone. Because the key was meant to keep me safe in my house, in my room, or even in the bathroom. Now when I had to take a bath, I tried to get in and out in ten minutes so whatever was trying to hurt me wouldn’t do it while I was getting a bath, going to the bathroom, or brushing my teeth. I locked the door. And I checked and rechecked it to make sure it was locked.

I was always relieved when I was allowed to go outside and play since I thought my life was only in jeopardy when I was at home. So when I got home from school I would rush into my bedroom and change into my play clothes and run outside as quickly as I could. I wouldn’t come back in until my mother call me in for dinner. When school was in session. I started getting nervous about the school day is over. When I arrived home I would rush out as soon as I could and go and visit some of my friends.

One night at dinner my father said to me, “so Anne Marie what have you been up to, it seems like you are never home. How is school going? How are you doing in Math?”

“School is fine, daddy. I got a B on my last math test. And after school, I visit Betsy or Terri and sometimes I go to the library to get some new books to read. I just like being outside, I guess. Probably because I have to sit in a stuffy classroom all day.

One night I was lying in bed and I was just about to fall asleep when I heard my father calling out,” everybody go outside, there is a problem with the heater and everybody must go outside until I know it’s safe to come back in. I called the fire department.”

I was still sleepy when I heard my father yelling for everyone to get out of the house. I thought something terrible was going to happen and I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. I leaned over and grabbed the skeleton key and ran outside. Everyone in my family was outside in their pajamas.

My father said, “Anne Marie what took you so long?”

“I had to grab the skeleton key before I came outside. Mom told me to take it with me where ever. She told me to lock the doors in the house when I’m home alone or in the bathroom. So, I had to lock all the doors before I came out here so nothing bad would happen while we were all outside.”

My father looked over at my mother and said, “Marion, what in the world were you thinking of when you gave her that skeleton key? Didn’t you notice how nervous and upset Anne Marie has been recent?”

“Well, I guess she has been a little out of sorts recently but I didn’t put two and two together. I just thought she was being her normal moody self. I gave her the key because I thought it would give her a sense of responsibility. And she would realize that I trusted her with something important like our safety. Maybe I went a little overboard with the whole skeleton key thing. I certainly didn’t realize that she would think something bad would happen to her if everything wasn’t locked up. “

My mother looked over at me and said,”Anne Marie, I’m really sorry if you were worried all the time. I just wanted you to realize how much I trusted you and that you were being a responsible young girl. And how much I loved you and trusted you.”

Just at that moment the biggest fireman came over to us and said, “well, everything is fine now. We were able to put the fire out in the basement before any real damage was done. I suggest you call the people that maintain your heater to come over as soon as possible to see what the problem is. And I also wanted to mention that it was a very good idea to close all the doors in the house but it is not necessary to lock the doors. ” You can all go in now and I hope the rest of the evening is uneventful.”

We all said, “Thank you.” at the same time and the fireman smiled at us and said, “good night to you all. Keep safe.”

My mother and father came over and hugged me. And then my mother said, “Anne Marie why don’t you just hang up the Skeleton Key on the hook in the kitchen and when you want to lock the door like when you’re taking a bath you can do it then. But I want you to know that you will always be safe in our house. And that daddy and I love you and will always keep you safe. I’m sorry if you were scared. That was never my intention.”

And then I hugged my parents back and I felt tears rolling down my cheek even though I felt so much better. I guess it was tears of relief or maybe I felt happy again. And we all went into the house and my mother made us all some hot chocolate and that was the first night in months when I fell right to sleep and slept through the night. Oh, I almost forgot right after my mom gave me the hot chocolate she said,” go ahead and put the key on the key hook, and don’t worry about it anymore.”