Tag Archives: .elementary school

AS TIME GOES BY, TICK-TOCK, TICK TOCK

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Life can be difficult at times. Sometimes you can become so overcome with fear and frustration you don’t have the strength to get out of bed. I have to admit that I’ve always been fearful of life’s challenges. I never felt confident about anything. I always felt overwhelmed. I can remember feeling this way since I was a young child. I often overheard my siblings talking about me behind my back. And even my parents complained about my fears. 

It was never a choice for me. I didn’t choose to be afraid. My first memory of being afraid was the day I started first grade. I am the youngest child in my family. I had much older siblings. They always seemed to be happy to be going to school. I couldn’t imagine myself walking out the front door and walking by myself to the school. And then having to come face to face with a whole lot of children I didn’t know. And then having to go to school when the bell rang.

During the last few weeks of the Summer before starting school, I began to feel terrified. I started getting stomach aches every morning. My mother finally took me to the doctor’s to see if there was something physical going on with me. After the doctor examined me, he said, Well, Kathy is physically healthy. I have no doubt that the stomach aches and difficulty sleeping are related to her fear of going to school. He told my mother that many children have this fear. That it’s normal. And I would be fine once I started school and made some friends, and realized there was really nothing to fear.

But that’s not what happened. On the first day of school, I was absolutely filled with dread. There were too many children yelling and screaming and running all over the schoolyard. And I didn’t know any of them. My best friend was a year younger than I was and wouldn’t be going to school for another year. I stood in the middle of the schoolyard. I didn’t know what I should do. It was so noisy, and the kids seemed out of control. They were running in every direction and screaming and jumping. It was all too much. I wanted to go home. I started crying.

One of the teachers came over to me and said,” What’s the matter?” I just started crying even more. She took my hand and said, “Let’s just find a nice quiet place, and we’ll have a little talk. And you can tell me what’s going on.”

I followed her, and we walked to the far side of the playground that was opposite the street. The cars were flying by at an amazing rate of speed, and I let out a yelp. And tears started rolling down my face once again. The teacher said, “Here, take this tissue and wipe your face and then take a deep breath. And try to calm down.”

I took a deep breath and then looked down at the ground. I didn’t want to talk to her; I wanted to go home. She said, “OK, now try to tell me why you are so upset.”

I looked up at her and said, “I hate it here. I want to go home. I want my mother.”

“What’s your name, dear?

“My name is Kathy. I want to go home. I want my mother.”

“Oh, well, a lot of children feel that way on their first day of school. But you will get used to it. You will make a lot of new friends. And you will learn a lot. So, how about you try and take it one day at a time? And any time you are upset or afraid, you can come to talk to me. My name is Ms. Norris. And as a matter of fact, I will be your teacher this year. And I promise you things will get better.”

I looked up at her, and I said quietly, “OK.”

“Alright, in a few moments, it will be time to go into the classroom. And you will be assigned a seat and given books. Some day soon, you will begin learning to read. And I promise you you will absolutely love reading. OK.”

“OK.” She said, when the bell rings, you get in line with all the other children in my class. And stand there quietly while the older children say the Pledge of Allegiance.” You stand quietly because you haven’t learned the words yet. But, soon you will learn them. OK?”

I stood there quietly, waiting for the bell to ring. But, just before that happened, two little girls came over to me and said, “ Hi, what’s your name?” Our names are Irene, and she’s Christine. Do you want to be friends?”

I stared at them for a few minutes with my mouth hanging open. I was afraid to say anything. Because I thought this was some kind of joke. Because my older sister pretended to be my friend sometime, and then they would laugh and me. And call me a big baby.

They didn’t say anything else, so I finally said, “My name is Kathy. I live down the street. This is my first day of school. I’m afraid I want to go home. I hate it here. It’s too loud here. I don’t know anybody.” And then I just stared at them.

“Kathy, you know us now. So, you can hang around with us. And today is a half day. That means we can go home at lunchtime. And come back tomorrow. OK?”

I looked at them and said quietly, “OK.”

Irene and Christine stood next to me and talked and talked without taking a breath. And then a bell rang, and everyone started running and getting into a line. Christine said, “Kathy, follow us, and get in line. We’re going into the classroom and sitting at a desk.”

“OK, I said, and then I began chewing my fingernails, which is something I do when I’m scared, which is most of the time. I wished I was home at my mom’s or my best friend’s house. She didn’t have to go to school because she is younger than me. I wish I were younger. My nose started running because of crying, and I didn’t have a tissue. So, it ran down my face. So, I rubbed it on my arm. Some big boy said, “Look at that kid wiping her runny nose on her sleeve.”

Everybody started slowly walking forward in a line. And then we got up to the school and started marching inside. I wanted to run away as fast as I could. But I didn’t. I just kept following the line into the horrible brick building. It was an old building; the walls were painted a weird green color in the hallway. I saw a water fountain. And I ran over to it to get a drink. I heard someone yell, “Get back in line. They were looking straight at me. So, I got back in line. We slowly made our way to the classroom. The teacher who talked to me outside said,” When I call out your name, take the next available seat. Understand?” Everyone said, “Yes, teacher.” At the same time. Not me. I wasn’t going to talk until someone told me to.

Finally, the teacher called out my name. She said,” Please take the next available seat please.”

I looked up and down the aisle and didn’t know where to go. I felt like I was going to start crying again. And Then I heard a voice whispering in my ear. It was Irene. Just walk down the aisle where kids are sitting and sit in the next empty seat. And that is exactly what I did. And the next thing I knew, I was sitting at the desk, and Christine and Irene were sitting behind me. I took a deep breath.

The morning went by slowly. I had to go to the bathroom. But I didn’t know where it was, or if I was allowed to go or had to wait until I got home. I couldn’t sit still. The next thing I knew, the teacher was standing next to me and said, “So, what is the problem? Why can’t you sit still?”

I didn’t want to look at her. I was afraid I would start crying again. So, I whispered, I have to go to the bathroom.” She said, “You have to learn to speak up. Say it loud enough for everyone to hear you. “So, I did, I yelled. I have to go pee.” The teacher said, OK, make a right outside the classroom door and walk down the hall until you see a sign next to the door with a picture of a girl. That’s the girl’s bathroom. And then come right back here.” She said in a loud voice. And all the kids started laughing.

I got up from my seat and walk down the hall. I saw the sign with the drawing of a girl on it. But I didn’t go into the ladies’ room. I saw the door that we came in from the schoolyard, and I went out the door. I was outside. I decided I didn’t want to go to school anymore. And I ran all the way home and ran into the house. My mother was in the kitchen, and she said, “Kathy, you are home early. Are you alright?”

“No, I have to go to the bathroom and the teacher kept yelling at me. I hate school and I’m not going back, ever.” And that is when I ran into our bathroom and locked the door. After a few minutes, my mother came knocking at the door. She said, Kathy, please come out. The school called and they said you have to come back to class and stay until lunchtime.”

I finally opened the door and my mother was standing there waiting. She said, “Please come into the kitchen so we can talk. She gave me a glass of water and said, “Kathy, everyone has to go to school. It is scary in the beginning. But, you will get used to it. You will learn a lot of new things like reading. And you will make some new friends and they can come over and visit with you sometimes after school. Come in and eat your lunch. And after that, you will have to go back to school. And stay until three o’clock. And then you can come home again. You are not allowed to run away. “Do you understand?”

“I looked at my mother and said, “Yes, I understand. I hate school, I hate the teacher.”

“ As I said, “You will get used to it. But, you have to go to school, it is a law. Now, how about eating your lunch and I will walk you back to school and your classroom.”

When my mother dropped me off at school. All the kids were out in the schoolyard running around. They all looked alike I didn’t see my new friends right away. And I started to feel scared again. And then I heard Christine and Irene calling out my name, “Kathy, come play with us.”

So, that is what I did. We played together until we were told we had to come back into the classroom. I sat at the desk the teacher told me to sit in. I looked around and I noticed some of the other kids looked kind of scared too. So, I knew I wasn’t the only one who didn’t like it there. But, they were listening to the teacher. So, I tried to do the same thing. I didn’t understand everything she said, but I tried hard to understand her.

It seemed like the afternoon went on and on. I started feeling sleepy. And I felt my eyes closing. The next thing I knew the teacher was rapping a stick on my desk. And she said,” none of that. Go to bed earlier tonight, if you are still tired. You are not allowed to take naps during class.”

It seemed like there were a lot of rules in school. It was only the end of the first day and I was sick of it. When I got home my mother said,” so, Kathy how was school?” I hate it. But, I did make two new friends. And they asked if they could come over here after school one day and play.”

“Well, that’s wonderful. Do you have any homework?”
“Homework, you meant I have to do work at home for school. That’s not fair.”

“Well, Kathy life doesn’t always seem fair. But, it’s all about growing up to become an adult and being able someday to take care of yourself.”

“Do you mean I’m not always going to live with you and Dad?”
“Well, probably not. When you become a grown-up you will eventually want to have your own apartment or house.”

I looked at her like she was out of her mind. I knew I would always want to live with my mom and dad. Why wouldn’t I”

As it turned out all the things my teachers and my parents told me about going to school, learning to read, and growing up and getting a job were true.

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THAT WHICH DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER

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Lizbeth walks slowly into the classroom with her head down. Her blond hair hung limply down over her face. Mrs. Anderson says, “Lizbeth please come over to my desk for a moment I have some school supplies and textbooks for you.”

Lizbeth shuffles over to Mrs. Anderson’s desk keeping her head low. “I would like to introduce you to the class since you are new here. Lizbeth quietly shakes her head back and forth. But Mrs. Anderson isn’t looking at her at that moment and doesn’t realize how uncomfortable Lizbeth is when attention is on her. “Class, please quiet down for a moment I would like to introduce a new student to you. This is Lizbeth Hess her family just moved to our town recently and she doesn’t know anyone here. I would like you to offer Lizbeth a warm welcome.”

Burning House

“Lizbeth, would you like to introduce yourself to the class and tell us a little bit about yourself?”

Lizbeth shakes her head more vehemently. But Mrs. Anderson isn’t looking at her she’s reprimanding Joey Lombardi. He was imitating how Lizbeth was standing with her head down and shaking her head no. All the kids are laughing at him but Lizbeth thinks that they are laughing at her and tears start running down her face onto the linoleum floor. She doesn’t say a word.

“Well, I guess Lizbeth is feeling a little shy today so I’ll introduce her. Lizbeth’s family just moved to our town recently as I mentioned a moment ago. Unfortunately, there was a fire at Lizbeth’s old house and her family lost everything. Lizbeth suffered some burns before she was able to escape the fire in her house. Fortunately Mr. Goodwin our mayor found out about Lizbeth’s family’s house burning down and offered to let them live in one of the houses he rents out. So now she’s going to attend our school. How about everyone giving Lizbeth a warm welcome by clapping.”

The kids all looked at Lizbeth and then at each other and a couple of kids start to clap and then the rest follow. Lizbeth doesn’t look up. If anything it looks as if she’s shrinking right before their eyes.

That is when Mrs. Anderson finally realizes that Lizbeth is very uncomfortable standing in front of the class and being the center of attention. And as she looks at Elizabeth she realizes that Elizabeth is wearing a dress that is much too small for her and her shoes are too big. And to make things worse she realizes that Lizbeth’s burns must be extremely painful. She realizes she has made an error in judgment by telling the class about Elizabeth while she was standing in front of the class.

Mrs. Anderson looks across the class and calls out, “Dolores Rafferty could you come up to my desk for a moment?”

Dolores looks at Mrs. Anderson and wonders what she could have done wrong. She jumps up from her chair nearly knocking it over. All the kids start laughing. And Dolores all but runs up to the teacher’s desk. “Yes, Mrs. Anderson. Did I do something wrong?” Mrs. Anderson leans down and says in a low tone so no one else can hear her, “What? No of course not Dolores. But I was wondering if you be so kind as to take Lizbeth back to her desk and if for the next week you would be so kind as to show Lizbeth around the school and introduce her to some of the other children. Just until she feels more at ease in her new surroundings?”

“What? Sure I can do that. I remember how lonely I felt when my family moved here from New Jersey and I didn’t know anyone. I can’t imagine how scared she must be because she lost her house and all her stuff.”

Mrs. Anderson looks over at Dolores and wonders how this young girl is so perceptive and she wishes she had done the same. “Thank you, Dolores. I’m sure you will be a good friend to her.”

Dolores walks over to Lizbeth and takes her hand and whispers,” Lizbeth my name is Dolores and I’ll show you where you are going to sit, and for the rest of the week if you would like you can walk with me until you get to know the school and your way around.”

Lizbeth slowly lifts her face up and looks at Dolores and quietly says, OK.” And then she takes Dolores’ hand in hers, and Dolores leads her to her new desk which just so happens to be next to hers. Lizbeth sits down and lifts up the desktop and sees that her school books are inside and there are pens and pencils, a ruler, and school books in there as well.

Mrs. Anderson says, “alright class please take out your history books and open up to page 127. And Martin will you read the first page to the class please?”

Martin takes a deep breath and sighs heavily. And opens up his history book to page 127 and begins to read in a monotonous voice. “Martin, could you please put some feeling into your reading so that the whole class doesn’t fall asleep while you are reading?”

Everyone laughs including Martin and even Lizbeth has a little smile on her face. The rest of the morning passes quickly and the lunch bell rings and Mrs. Anderson says,” alright class please put your books away and take out your lunches. Aisle one please start getting in line to go to lunch and so on. Please do not push or shove anyone and then proceed quietly to the lunchroom. When you get to the lunchroom please quietly take your seats. Keep all the talking at your lunch tables to a low roar. After lunch take it easy in the play yard. I don’t want anyone to get injured. I’ll see you back here at 12:30 PM on the dot. Understood?:

Everyone said in unison,” yes Mrs. Anderson. Except for Joel the class clown. After everyone says, “yes Mrs. Anderson, in a high squeaky voice, “Yes indeedy.” He likes to say something different every time the class was dismissed for lunch. The class always started laughing and didn’t stop laughing until they arrived outside the lunchroom and then quieted down. As if they hadn’t been making a racket the whole time. Mrs. Anderson never reacts to her class’s shenanigans as she thought it was better to finish the morning on a high note and it was harmless. Some of the other teachers didn’t agree with her. But no one had the nerve to tell her that to her face. Because Mrs. Anderson could be quite fierce when provoked.

Everyone sat down quietly in the lunchroom and begin eating their lunch. Some of the students trade lunches because their mothers pack the same lunch for them every day. And some of the kids bought their lunch. Lizbeth didn’t have a lunch bag with her and she didn’t have any money in her lunch account yet.

Dolores says,” Lizbeth would you please eat one half of my lunch for me? My mother always packs too much for me to eat. And she gets mad if I don’t eat it. It’s only a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and she gave me a huge piece of her chocolate cake and I can’t eat all of it. What do you say?”

Lizbeth looks at Dolores and says quietly,” peanut butter and jelly and chocolate cake are my favorite.”

“That’s great Lizbeth, you’re saving my life. Otherwise, my mother would be ranting and raving about me eating like a bird again.”

Lizbeth and Dolores eat quietly until three girls come over to the table and say, “Dolores we heard that there’s a new girl at your table. So we came over to meet her. Dolores said,” oh yes, this is Lizbeth she just moved to town recently and she doesn’t know anybody around here. So I’m showing her around. Lizbeth this is Marty, Kathy and the string bean is Anne Marie.”

The three smiling girls take a look at Lizbeth and their expressions change from a smile to a shocked look. Anne Marie says, “Hi Lizbeth it’s so nice to meet you. It’s so great getting a new kid here. We have all been going to school together since first grade. So now we can hear some new stories. Where are you from?”

“I lived in the next town over, Lenola.”

“Oh, how come you moved here?”

Lizbeth looks down at the table and doesn’t say anything right away. “Then she mumbles that “we had a fire in our house and couldn’t live there anymore. The three girls look at her and then at each other. “Anne Marie says, “oh that’s terrible did you lose all your clothes and stuff?”

Dolores gives Anne Marie a look that meant shut up. Lizbeth puts her head down again. And says in a low tone,” yes, everything.”

Marty, Kathy, and Anne Marie look at each other, and then Marty says, “Hey you look like you wear a size smaller than I do, would you like to come over to my house today after school and see if you could take some of the clothes off my hands that don’t fit me. You would be doing me a favor because my mother has been nagging me to clean out my closets and dresser of clothes that are too small. What do you say, Lizbeth?”

Ann Marie and Kathy and Dolores say, “Hey I was just about to say that too. How about it?”

Lizbeth looks at the four girls and gives them a big smile, “really, I would love to help you out and besides most of the clothes that Mr. Goodwin gave me are way too small or way too big.”

“Great, let’s do it. You can come to my house first, and then Marty and Kathy and Dolores’ house. You know what I just noticed Lizbeth you have beautiful blond hair. I always wanted blond hair but mine is just boring brown.”

Lizbeth looks at the four girls and they look back at her and what they see isn’t a girl who’s burned but a girl who needed friends and they were the lucky ones.

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DAY ONE

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It was the first day of my new job. Would there never be an end to the first days? I have bad luck. Things never work out for me. It seems as if each position is one rung lower on the ladder of success. I’ve decided to do my very best at this job. Perhaps I’ll be able to move up the ladder instead of down. We’ll see, hope springs eternal.

Elementary School Cafeteria

Elementary School Cafeteria

I walk into the front door of the school to the principal’s office. I had come here for the initial interview, so I know the basic layout of the building. I studied the building map all last night as well. So, I feel pretty confident that there won’t be any problem.

In the past, I have had trouble with buildings like this, long narrow hallways with rooms jutting off in every direction. Everything looks the same. I would get lost in the maze of hallways and look-alike rooms. God, why is everything the same color? Oh, wait there’s the sign for the principal’s office. I’m fine.

I walk up to the long narrow reception desk only to discover that there’s a swarm of people ahead of me. Oh no, this won’t do. I can’t be late. That will set off a chain reaction for me that could only end in disaster.

“Hello, hello, miss. Can you tell me where I should go? It’s my first day working here. Am I supposed to speak to the principal or go directly to the cafeteria?”

No response, apparently this incompetent woman is unable to discern the importance of my question. And she is allowing all these bungling baboons to take her attention away from me. I push my way past two of the teachers and speak in a stern voice. “I said, can you please tell me where I’m supposed to report. It’s my first day working in the cafeteria?”

“What’s your name? Can’t you see I’m busy, and all these people were ahead of you?”

“Of course, I can see that. I’m not blind. Just tell me where I’m supposed to go and I’ll be on my way. Even you must be able to understand such a simple dilemma.”

” Go directly to the cafeteria, and speak to the supervisor, Ms. Nolan. She’ll tell you what to do. Do you know where the cafeteria is? If not, there is a map of the school on the wall.”

“Of course, I know where it is. What kind of fool do you take me for?”

She isn’t listening anymore. So, I head out of the office and down the hall in the direction I think the cafeteria is located. Unfortunately, I‘m wrong, and end up in the gym. I find the janitor sweeping the floor. He tells me how to get to the cafeteria. I’m starting to feel a bit flustered. By the time I arrive at the cafeteria I’m ten minutes late. Stupid, stupid bureaucracy, this is how it always turns out.

I rushed into the kitchen and asked a gray-haired old cow, where is Ms. Nolan?”

“Oh, so you’re the new worker, she’s not going to be happy about you being late. She’s a stickler for being on time. She told me to get you started on the breakfast trays. I’ll show you how it’s done. You’ll be fine. Let’s go this way. I’m Nancy by the way. We’ll be working together. ”

“Ok, Nancy I’m sure. You will only need to show me once. I’m a quick learner.”

Nancy shows me where everything is. And I start setting up the trays. Easy peasy. I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do and I don’t see Nancy anywhere. So, I start looking around the kitchen and the pantry, and the freezer. After looking around, I decided that things need to be organized.

I start in the pantry with dry goods. I check the expiration dates on all the cans and put all the oldest ones in front. I put canned fruit together, canned tuna, etc. I was working up quite a sweat. I even cleaned off all the shelves and the tops of the cans. I take a step back and look at my handiwork. I‘m quite proud of myself. I‘m sure Ms. Nolan will be quite impressed. Where is she anyway?

I stroll out into the cafeteria to look for her, and what’s her name, Nancy.

“Where have you been? Ms. Nolan is fit to be tied? The early breakfast kids have already come and gone. Ms. Nolan had to help. You are really up Shit’s creek. She hates waiting on the kids. She hates to come out of her office altogether. Jeez, I wouldn’t want to be you. You better double step it into her office right now. It’s that door over there.”

I walk over to the office and knock confidently at the door. I’m sure Ms. Nolan will understand that I was using my time efficiently since no one had told me to do otherwise. I’m sure she’ll appreciate my efforts in putting things to right.

“Come in, come in. Oh, it’s you. Where in the hell have you been? Nancy tells me you were late, and then you disappear altogether.”

“Well I appreciate your concern, but I finished the breakfast trays, and then I reorganized the pantry. Nancy didn’t tell me that I was supposed to serve them as well. Would you like to see the pantry? I’m sure you will appreciate the changes I’ve made.”

“Changes, who said you were allowed to make changes? I have been working in this school system cafeteria for thirty years. I set up the entire kitchen, pantry, and schedule. You had no business changing anything. Don’t ever again take it upon yourself to change our system. It works very well. Do you understand?”

“Understand, yes, but I think you’ll see how much improved it is now. If you would take a moment to look.”

‘”Think, who told you to think? You do as you’re told. Now go back to the kitchen. Nancy will show you the meal schedules and how to use the cash register system. That’s all, good day. I hope I will have no further problems with you.”

I back out of the office. I‘m shocked. I can tell you. Why the unmitigated gall of that little tyrant telling me that I wasn’t there to think. What does she think I’m some kind of automaton?

I walk briskly over to Nancy. She has a self-satisfied expression on her face. I have to use all my self-control to keep from wiping that expression off her face with the back of my hand. I get myself under control and say, “sorry for any trouble. It won’t happen again. Ms. Nolan asked if you‘ll show me the meal schedules and how to use the register system.”

“Right, right, let’s do that. It’s quite simple. We have the same breakfast every day; the lunches are on a rotating schedule. You’ll see.”

Nancy shows me the lunch schedule. Then she demonstrates the cash register to me. It doesn’t use cash at all. Each student has an ID card, which they swipe. And the cost of the meal is deducted from their account. Some kids have state-subsidized lunches, and they have a different kind of card.

When I look at the lunch menu, I think it can use updating. There’s only fast food and junk food. Shouldn’t the children be eating healthier foods?

“Nancy, what do you think about changing up the food menu? We can probably create healthier foods, and it would save money?”

“What are you crazy? Didn’t Ms. Nolan tell you that she set up this kitchen, the menu, and the budget? She will have your head if you change anything. You just got started here. Do you want to lose your job on the first day?”

“No, of course not. But I like to do the very best I can do at whatever I do. I think tonight I’ll make up a new menu and present it to Ms. Nolan tomorrow.”

“You’re out of your mind. But do what you want, many have come and gone before you. And I’m still here, and so is Ms. Nolan.”

The next morning, I walk through the school double doors full of optimism. I feel quite pleased with myself. Ms. Nolan will be so appreciative of my efforts. She’ll realize the meals are healthy and tasty and she can save money at the same time. I’m sure this is the perfect job for me. I walk through the cafeteria to the kitchen and over to Ms. Nolan’s office.

Nancy calls out, “Wait, where are you going? You are supposed to be helping me set up the breakfast trays.”

I nod at Nancy and rap sharply on Ms. Nolan’s door. It rattles. “Whose there? I’m on the phone. Come in, come in.”

I walk over to Ms. Nolan’s desk and hand her the new menus. I have a broad smile across my face.

Ms. Nolan says into her phone, “yes, I’ll take care of that right away.” She snaps the phone shut. “What is it? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Of course, I’ll only take a minute. I made up these new menus for the children’s lunches. I think you’ll find that they are quite an improvement over what you are using now. They’re nutritious, a good value, and easy to prepare.”

Ms. Nolan’s face turns bright red. She fairly rips the papers out of my hands. And without a how do you do, she tears the papers into shreds.

“This is what I think of your menus. I told you yesterday that this is my kitchen. You were to do as you are told, nothing more and nothing less. Now you can finish out the week, and then you are out of here.”

We’re a team, and I’m the head. You’re not a team worker. You’ll get your pay at the end of the week, and then you are out of here.

I’m so shocked that I turn on my heels and walk back to the kitchen and next to Nancy. I start preparing the trays for breakfast. I don’t look to the right or left. I can feel Nancy staring at me. But I don’t give her the satisfaction of saying anything.

“Well I tried to warn you, but you just wouldn’t listen.”

At the end of the week, I finish my shift and walk out the door, never to return. Things just never worked out for me. Everyone is always out to get me. I have bad luck. There’s nothing I can do about it. I keep saying these things over and over in my head like a mantra all the way home. Now I‘ll have to start looking for a new job. I‘ll have to try harder, that’s all. That’s all anybody can do.