Last night I received an unexpected call from my cousin Flossie. It was unexpected for many reasons. For one thing, I hadn’t heard from heard in over fifty years. I could barely remember what she looked like. I recall her having light blond hair and blue eyes. I had blond hair as a child but my hair was always referred to as dirty blond. Because what was once blond turned a nondescript light brown as I got older.

Because I hadn’t heard from Flossie in so long, it set off an alarm. I knew without a doubt that someone in my family had passed on. I didn’t recognize Flossie’s phone number when I saw it. But I did recognize her name, Flossie Brown. She was from my mother’s side of the family. She is the youngest daughter of my Uncle Pete. Who died in the mid- 1970s.

When I picked up the phone I heard someone yelling, “Hello, hello, is this the Cabri number? I’m trying to get hold of Coleen Cabri?”

“This is Coleen but I haven’t been a Cabri for over forty-eight years. My name is Coleen Sabrina. Are you my cousin, Flossie?”

“Of course, I’m your cousin Flossie. Who did you think I was?”

And that is when I remembered why my cousin Flossie and I were never close or even friendly. To put it politely she was always a jerk. And she had a tendency to be argumentative and sarcastic but not in a funny way. And it seemed as if she hasn’t improved over the many years that had passed by since the last time I saw her. “Well, what can I do for you, Flossie? It’s been such a long, long time since we spoke. I believe the last time I saw you was when your dad passed away.”

“Yeah, well I called to let you know that my older brother passed away not too long ago. And he was living in my dad’s house up until he had to go into the nursing home. And I don’t know if you remember this but the house was originally owned by our mutual grandfather. And according to the Will, the house must be sold and the contents distributed. And you and I are the last members of our family to survive.”

“You have got to be kidding. I had no idea. The house must be really old. What kind of shape is it in?”

“It is habitable. But I have to admit my brother didn’t take good care of it very well in his last years. He developed dementia about ten years ago and in the last years, he didn’t do anything at all. It’s a mess. But I believe that with time and some cash we could sell it and make a tidy sum. Are you interested? If you’re not I can sell it as is. And we could split the profit. But with a little sweat equity, we could make a tidy sum. What do you say?”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. I’m not as young as I used to be. I don’t have a lot of extra money to invest. But I can do cleaning, painting and I’m a hell of a gardener. I live several hours from there. I couldn’t travel back and forth. I would have to stay at the house or at your house.”.

” Well as I said the house isn’t in great shape, but you could stay there. But you would be sleeping rough if you know what I mean. I am living in a rental with an old friend of mine and it’s a trailer, so not a lot of room. It’s a tight fit for the two of us. If you are able to come and stay at the house I would suggest bringing your own sheets and blankets and towels etc. And once you get here you’ll have to go to the nearest Shop Rite and get food. Unless you intend on eating out all the time.”

“Wow, Flossie that’s a lot to consider. Let me think about it for a day and I’ll give you a call tomorrow morning.”

“OK, talk to you then.”

And then she hung up. I was having a hard time taking it all in at once. My uncle’s death and inheriting a house. You just never know what any day is going to bring to you. I couldn’t sleep that night because I kept waking up every hour or so and obsessing about what my cousin Flossie had told me. At some point, I fell asleep and woke up at 5 AM. And I knew what I was going to do.

So at 9 AM I picked up my phone and called her. She answered after the third ring. “Why the hell are you calling me at the crack of dawn?”

“Good morning Flossie, it’s nine o’clock in the morning, hardly the crack of dawn. Just wanted to let you know that I decided that I will come and help with the house. I’ll bring all the tools that I think will be useful and whatever food I have in my house. I have to admit that any money we make on the sale of the house will be extremely helpful because I live on Social Security and it is barely enough to keep body and soul together.”

“You’re preaching to the choir. I know only too well what it is like to live on Social Security.”

“When do you think you will be getting here? Make sure you give me a call before you arrive and I’ll give you my address and then we’ll take a ride out to the house and a look around. And decide what kind of work we will be able to do. I’m definitely not up to putting a roof on. But, luckily my dad put a new roof on about four years ago. Only because every time it rained outside, it rained on the inside of the house as well.”

“Wow. So today I’ll start getting stuff together that I need to bring and I’ll take care of all my business here, paying bills, etc. And I will be there the day after tomorrow. I’ll call you when I’m about an hour away. How’s that?”

Flossie said, “good, talk to you then.” And the line when dead. And that is when I remember how abrupt and rude she was. Oh boy, this was going to be a fun time spent with an unpleasant relative. But, I’ve always thought things happen for a reason. And I set about getting ready for my trip and taking care of any business that was outstanding with my own house.

I spent the rest of the day getting my affairs in order and packing all the tools I thought I would need in the trunk of my old car. I hope I didn’t have any difficulties on the road. My car is fifteen years old. But, knock wood. It runs like a top. Never any problems. But just in case I took it to my friend, Bill’s auto repair shop and had him do a tune-up and check the tires and anything else he thought might cause a problem on a nine-hour ride. He told me I could pay him after I make all that money and sell my relatives’ house.

The next day I was on my way. I really detest long car rides. They kill my back. I packed a couple of sandwiches of bologna and cheese and two thermoses of hot coffee. And I was on my way. Luckily the weather was cooperating. I had to make several pit stops along the way because when you get older you spend a great deal of time in the bathroom. About an hour from Flossie’s house I pulled into a rest stop and I gave her a call to get the address of the house. She picked up the phone and said, “So?”

“So, I’m an hour away how about giving me the address? And she rattled off the address. Could you please tell me that again more slowly, I’m trying to write it down for crying out loud?”

So she repeated the address after making a sound that indicated that she was already losing patience with me. She said, ” I’ll meet you there in about an hour.” And then she hung up.

I shook my head, and I thought I better make a lot of money out of this. I can tell Flossie is going to be a major pain in my ass. The last hour of the trip was uneventful and I arrived in front of a house that looked like what my mother would have described as ” the wreck of the Hesperus.” Meaning it was a bloody mess. It looked like the grass hadn’t been cut in a couple of years. The shutters were hanging crooked by a single nail. There were a least three years of newspapers lying on the front yard and sidewalk. And there were bags and more bags of trash, too many to count.

“Dear god. What have I gotten myself into?” I said out loud to no one in particular. I walk around the back yard. There was a washer and dryer rusting out there. Look like they had been there for a millennium. “Holy mackerel, what a nightmare.”

I had a strong impulse to get into my car and leave as fast as possible. And then I heard someone say, “well you must be my cousin. Long time no see. I wasn’t exaggerating, was I?

“Exaggerating? No, just the opposite. Well, let’s take a look around and see what needs to be done first.”

“Well, I think the first thing we need to do is have the electricity turned back on and check that the water is working? I haven’t been here for several weeks.”

“Yeah, electricity would certainly be beneficial especially at night when I’m here all by myself. And yeah, it would be nice to have water too.”

Flossie looked at me like I was crazy. And said, “that’s what I just said.”

“I was being sarcastic, Flossie.”

She looks at me and says, “come on let’s go inside.”

She jammed the key into the lock on the front door. And said, “this lock sticks. You have to really shove the key in hard. And it’s difficult to get the key out too.”

“Well, we probably should get the locks changed front and back and get an extra set of keys.”

“Yeah, good idea. You know I don’t think I would have recognized you except for the fact that you are standing here at the house. I couldn’t really remember what you looked like since we haven’t seen each other since we were kids.”

“Well, I can see that you certainly resemble Uncle Pete and you look like a Brown. I always resembled my father’s side of the family.”

“Wow, you are really skinny. That certainly isn’t a Brown trait. “

“Oh, thanks, I think that was supposed to be a compliment.”

“Yeah, it’s a compliment. I have never been very good at conversation.”

“I kind of remember that you could be rather abrupt, Flossie.”

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I always say.”

I just stared at her for a moment and I thought. Oh yeah, this is going to be a fun time.

“Well let’s start in the living room and work our way up to the attic. I haven’t been up in the attic since I was a kid. I can only imagine how much “memorabilia” is up there now.

The kitchen hadn’t been updated since about 1971. It had an original Frigidaire refrigerator It was lime green. I open the door and the smell that emanated from the inside of the refrigerator almost knocked me out. “Dear god, did you bury grandfather in there. It smells like someone is decomposing in there. Then I look up at the top refrigerator shelf and I can’t believe my eyes. In a jar, the size of a huge pickle jar was a tongue floating in some kind of green fetid liquid. “Holy mother of god what is that?”

“What are you babbling about?”
I pointed at the floating tongue. “That’s nothing, it’s just a cow tongue.” People slice it and make sandwiches out of it. You are being ridiculous.”

“People eat cow tongues? And you think I’m being ridiculous? “Wow.”
“Yes, people eat all kinds of things. You need to settle down. You haven’t even seen the rest of the house.”

“I need to settle down. Oh brother. Let’s move on. I’ll take a look in that disgustingly dirty oven. I trust nobody’s cooking in there.” Flossie just snorted in my direction.

The inside of the oven had a good four inches of charred food on it. It would need to be sandblasted to get it clean. And the smell was indescribable. The oven is disgusting as well. And now that I look down at this lime green linoleum floor it’s clear this whole room hasn’t been updated since the early ’70s.

Coleen made her way around bags of trash and broken chairs, and what looked like piles of dog poop to the dining area. If you could call it that. “Did someone own a dog at one time, dog poop is all over the place.”

“Not that I know of, but as I said my brother had dementia so who knows.”

“Flossie, shall we make our way upstairs?”

“Alright, Coleen. It can’t get much worse than this?”

“Dear god, I hope not. Maybe we should try not taking deep breaths?”

“I agree no deep breaths.”

When they got to the top of the stairway, there were so many bags of trash next to the wall that it reached almost to the ceiling. “Did no one ever come to check on your brother at all? This is just unbelievable. “

“Well, like I said not in recent years. My brother and I never saw eye to eye. For some reason, he always said that I had an abrasive personality. And he couldn’t stand being in the same room as me for more than an hour or two. Can you believe anyone would say anything that mean?”

Coleen just stared at Flossie. “People can be quite unfeeling that’s for sure.”

“OK, so this is my Uncle‘s bedroom. So, it will probably be the worse room. Do you have anything to cover your nose and mouth? If you don’t I brought an extra handkerchief you can use. Well, keep it. You’ll need it.” She hands Coleen a red plaid cloth to put over her nose and mouth.

“Wow, we should have put these on at the curb. I may never get the stench of this place of my olfactory system.”

Flossie snorted and opens the door. “Holy mackerel, it smells like he died in here and they never took the body away. Come on let’s get this over with as quickly as possible. the bed was stripped but the stains on the mattress were horrific and neither one of them wanted to touch it. “You know what Flossie I think we should hire someone to come in this house and take all the furniture and all the trash out and dispose of it. I’ll pay half of the cost if you will. What do you say?”

“I say, hell, yes. After all the stinking crap in here gets taken out and burned we can come back in here and clean and paint and repair. In the meanwhile, we can get started on the outside of the house. We can remove all the trash and cut the grass and plant some flowers. We could also clean the windows and have the pavement repaired. Then we can come back in here. Sounds like a plan.”

For the next two weeks, Flossie and Coleen worked their butts off working in the yard, cleaning the windows, and painting the front and back door. They planted some small ornamental shrubs and flowers. They hadn’t gone in the house the whole time it was being cleaned out. They decided to hire some painters, and a plumber to come in and do the lion’s share of the work. Flossie decided she did have enough room for Coleen. She set up a cot in Flossie’s bedroom and Coleen slept in there.

“Well, Flossie it seems like the beginning of the end of this nightmare. It seems like we make a pretty good team. What do you think?”

“I think we do make a pretty good team Coleen. And I had an idea. How do you feel about you and I moving in here and sharing the house and the expenses? We are the only family either one of us has left? What do you think?”

“I think that it is a great idea. And I have come to appreciate your sarcastic sense of humor Flossie. I wish that we have gotten to know each other long before now. But better late than never.”

After Coleen and Flossie finished their work. Flossie came with Coleen back to her home and helped her pack up and head back to their new home together. Sometimes endings mark the beginning of something new and better. As they stood on the sidewalk in front of their new house they hugged each other and hung a sign on their door that said Home Sweet Home.

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