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I’d Rather Eat My Hat

“There’s about as much chance of that happening as me eating my hat. Said, Stella.

“Oh, come on. It’s not that bad.” Said her friend and neighbor, Helen.

“Not that bad, Well, I hate to know what could be worse.”Said, Stella

“OK, five things that could be worse than having to drive your beat-up old car that doesn’t have a working air conditioner all the way to Florida and back again. And then having to pick up your mother-in-law and bring her back to your house to live with you. Well, I can think of a hundred things. Have your teeth pulled out one at a time, all in one day. Or having burnt popcorn kernels stuck between your teeth permanently, falling down the cement steps at the Art Muzeum in Philadelphia with a whole crowd of people watching you. Going out to lunch with your boss, and he hits on you. I could go on all day. Your mother-in-law can not be all bad. I bet you could think of several positive attributes about her if you tried. 

“No, none of those experiences outdo living with my mother-in-law for the rest of my days. Absolutely nothing is worse than that. Dear god, I’m sure I will lose my mind. She will no doubt talk non-stop all the way home about how I should be making a lot more money, getting a better job, and living in a bigger house. And to top it off, she absolutely hates all my cats.”

“OK, so that doesn’t exactly scream you’re going to have a great time on the eleven hundred and eighteen-mile drive, which will take approximately seventeen hours if you go non-stop. But you never know; things could get better once you get used to living with her. Maybe she will mellow as she gets older. You never know. Maybe deep down, she is a decent person. Give her a chance, why don’t you?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve known her for over thirty years. I know her inside and out. And there is no way in hell that I’m going to suddenly realize that she’s not as bad as I thought. She criticizes everything I do and say. And beyond her god-awful personality, she is a cleptomaniac. I kid you not. Every time I went shopping with her, she stole everything she could get her hands on.

One time I took her food shopping. She opened food packages, bite big chunks out of them, and then put them back on the shelf. When we went to the department store, she once pocketed a one thousand dollar gold watch and stuck it in her purse. I wasn’t aware of it. As we were leaving the store, alarms went off, and five store security officers ran over to us and dragged us back to the security office. I had no idea what was going on. They made us strip and empty our pockets and our purses. And low and behold. They found the gold watch worth thousands of dollars in her purse, wrapped up in her hanky.

When they found it, she acted like an innocent little lamb. She said, “Oh my, how did that get in my purse? And then she said, “Helen did you put this in my purse? How could you?”

I said, “What? How dare you accuse me? Sir, my mother-in-law is a cleptomaniac. She could snatch the teeth right out of your head, and you wouldn’t notice it until you tried to eat a steak dinner. I kid you not.”

“Oh, Helen, how can you say that? I’m as innocent as a newborn baby.”
“A newborn baby what? “Peranna?”

“Look, officers, she’s an old lady. She’s out of her mind. She didn’t know what she was doing. Can you forget this happened? Since you retrieved the watch. She doesn’t have a clue. It’s all a game to her. She already has a watch. She’s nuts. That’s all I can say. She’s out of her god-forsaken mind. I promise I will keep her out of the store from now on. Can we please go?”

After the officers went back to speak to his boss, they came back in and said, “You can go, but you may never come into this store or any of our branch stores ever again, and if you do, you will both be arrested. Do you understand?”

“Yes, yes, we understand. Don’t we, Mom?”

My mother-in-law shook her head up and down. But I could see she had her fingers crossed behind her. I felt as if I might go to go out of my mind. The next day I took her back to the airport to send her back to Florida. I hoped never to see her again. When she was going through the security check, the alarms went off. She was surrounded like she was the Unabomber. They had their weapons drawn and were pointing them directly at her. I screamed at the top of my lungs,” What the hell is going on, Mom? What did you do now?

They took her into the security office, and she had to strip down to her skivvies. By the way, you won’t believe this, but she was wearing bikini underpants and a purple and gold bra. This woman is nearly eighty years old and dressed up like a Playboy Bunny from the 1970s. I have never been so humiliated in my whole life.

And here’s the kicker, she had a small revolver in a secret pocket of her purse. It was a pocket inside of another pocket. When she went through the scanner, it lit up like a Christmas tree. When they asked her why she would bring on board an airliner, she said, “Well, what do you think to protect me from hijackers? What kind of fool do you think I am?”

“She was barred from ever using that airline again. I don’t know if she is just loco, or she has dementia, or she’s just plain stupid. Or, and this is what I really believe, she doesn’t think that rules and laws apply to her. Do you really believe that, at any level, I would be willing to spend the rest of my life with her??? I rather spend my life in a prison with hardened convicts and murderers. I kid you not. Why don’t you offer to pick her up and let her spend the rest of her life with you? Or better yet, why don’t you take her in for a couple of weeks? And if she doesn’t cause any problems like blowing up your house or robbing your neighbors blind, I’ll reconsider taking her in?”

“OK, I’ll do it. But what do I get out of it?”
“Well, you get to say, “I told you so. And I can’t think of anything else because I know in my heart of hearts that there is no upside with this woman. You will be pulling the hair out of your head in two” days, if not on the ride home.”

“OK, you’ve got a deal, but you have to pay for my expenses for picking her up and driving her back here. I’m not made of money, you know.”

“No problem, but I’m sure by the time you get home with her, you will be more than willing to give me your last dime just so you never have to see her again. When can you go get her?”

“ I can go this Friday, It’s a holiday, and I’ll be back late the next day.”

“ Take my advice and get plenty of rest the day before you go to Florida. You’re going to need it. And bring food with you. She eats like a horse, and she likes to stop at every restaurant she sees. And as little as she is, she eats like a starving horse.”

“Well, that’s fine, I love eating at roadside restaurants. I haven’t taken a road trip in years and years. It will be fun. I’m looking forward to it.”

I just stared at her and said, “I wish you all the luck in the world. You are going to need it. Let me give you her full name, address, and phone number. Whatever you do, do not give her your cell phone number. She will start calling you all night and day. “

“Oh, you always make a big deal out of everything. You have a tendency to exaggerate even the smallest thing. And blow it out of proportion.”

Two days later, Helen left me a message to let me know she was on her way to pick up my mother-in-law. I crossed my fingers and hoped that Helen wouldn’t murder my mother-in-law on the way back. But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I had a little voice saying, “ I hope Helen doesn’t murder my mother-in-law, but then again, it would not be unheard of an old lady dying from a heart attack because my neighbor and friend, Helen is one of the worst drivers that I ever had the displeasure of riding in a car with. I only went on one trip with her driving, and I was praying the whole way that I would make it out alive. She rarely kept her eyes on the road, and she would fiddle with the radio and look in the mirror at her reflection over and over. She would eat a sandwich with one hand, drink a coffee with the other, and steer with her knee. I kid you not. It was truly a terrorizing experience—one which I will never repeat. Maybe the two of them were meant for each other.

So, I let my mother-in-law know that my friend Helen was coming to get her and that she was going to spend part of her time at Helen’s house since I was still working from home and needed quiet and isolation. I gave her the pertinent information about Helen, what she looked like, Cruella Deville. That might be a slight exaggeration. Because compared to my mother-in-law Helen was a raving beauty.

The next couple of weeks went by quickly, and before I knew it, I received a call from Helen telling me she was leaving tomorrow for Florida. And she would give me a call when she arrived. She was going to stay at my mother’s house overnight and leave early the next morning.

I didn’t hear from Helen or my mother for three days. I wondered if something bad happened or if Helen got lost or she tried to kill my mother or vice versa. A couple of days later, Helen called to let me know they were almost home and would call me again when they arrived at her house. She didn’t say anything about my mother, the long ride, or anything. I was gobsmacked to tell you the truth. Oh, gobsmacked is an Irish expression for shocked.

Helen called me the next morning and asked if I would like to come over and say hello to my mother. To tell you the truth, I had to think about it for a few minutes. Because, in all honesty, I had no real desire to see my “dear” mother any time soon. But, all the same, I changed out of my pajamas and into the cleanest clothes I owned. This doesn’t mean that they were actually clean, but they were the only clothes that didn’t have stains on them. To tell you the truth, I’m a bit of a slob. I hate cleaning, doing wash, yard work etc, etc. I love my stay-at-home job. That’s the one thing I like about my mother is that when she visits me, my house is immaculate. But the flip side of that coin is that she never stops nagging me about what a slob I am. But it’s my house, and if you don’t like it, you are welcome to leave any time.

I thought about running all around and straightening up the house, but I didn’t. About twenty minutes later, they arrived at my door, and they actually rang the doorbell. I walked over to the door nonchalantly and did my best to give them a big smile of welcome. But, to tell you the truth, my stomach was in turmoil. And then I saw my mother’s face pressed to my back door window, and she had a big smile on her face. And get this, she had a bunch of red roses in her hand. And what looked like a casserole dish with a cover on it. I could see steam rising out of it. She was holding it with oven mitts.

I opened the door and said,” Wow, you two look great, What have you been up to?”

“Well, we both went to the hairdresser this morning and had the works. And then, when we came back, I made this casserole for you so that we could make lunch. I knew you probably didn’t have time to cook. Since you are working from home, can we come in?” I looked at Helen, and she looked at me with a twinkle in her eye. I looked at her like she must have lost her mind, and maybe a few days with my mother pushed her over the edge. I let them in.

“Why don’t you two have a seat, I’ll get you some iced tea and put out some dishes for lunch.”

“Oh, you don’t have to go to any trouble.”
“It’s no trouble, Mom. Have a seat.” I stared at Helen, and she still had that look of a cat that ate my canary.”So, how’s it going? How was the trip? What have you two been up to?”

Helen said the trip was fine. We stopped along the way, ate lunch and dinner, and stopped at a couple of local tourist places. And then we drove straight here to Helen’s house. We are having a great time together. We like the same food and the same TV Shows. And Helen is so neat her house is neat as a pin. She’s like the daughter I never had.” Helen looked at me after my mother said that, and what she saw was a tear running down my face. Because my mother still had the power to hurt me to my core. Helen said, “she doesn’t mean that. She did talk about you the whole way home, how much she missed you, how she was so proud of you. And she couldn’t ask for a better daughter.”

“Is that true, Mom?”

“Yes, it’s true. But I always thought that you didn’t love me. So, I guess I have always tried to protect myself from all the negative things you said to and about me while you were a teenager. And how you never wanted to visit me or rarely called me.”

“Mom, I always loved you. But I never felt loved by you. I guess we were never really good at understanding one another. It didn’t help that you lied and were a cleptomaniac etc, etc. “

“ Well, I have been seeing a therapist for the last year, and I feel like I have resolved most of those issues. I haven’t stoled anything for over eight months. And I stopped buying things I don’t need. In general, I’m trying to be a better person. And if you give me a second chance, I will try to be a better mother.”

I looked at my mother with disbelief. And then she came over and hugged me tight. And then we both started to cry. And Helen stood there with the biggest smile on her face that I have ever seen. And that my friends became the beginning for me, my mother, and my dear friend, Helen. We became a family. And that was the best day of my life, bar none…

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HATS ON AND ON AND ON TO INFINITY

It’s just another ordinary day. I wasn’t expecting anything unusual to happen. My alarm rings at 7:47 am, right on the dot. I dangle my legs over the side of the bed and let them hang there for a bit to get the circulation back.

Cowboy Hats by Paul Br751

I start making the bed, and as I get out of bed, I straighten the sheets and then the Cowboy comforter. I smile, just looking at that bedspread. I can’t believe how lucky I was to find it on eBay. I’ve looked for one for twenty years. I owned one when I was a kid, but my mother gave it away when I was sixteen. She said I was too old for a cowboy bedspread. Can you imagine? Too grown-up for cowboys, ridiculous.

I walk the twenty-seven steps to my bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. I take off my hat and look at the top of my head that clearly has less hair this morning than it did yesterday. I sigh. Oh well, what can you do? I get out my mustache kit. I comb it straight down and then trim each hair one at a time. I comb it seven times I try to be vigilant about the length and the shape.

You just can’t let yourself go to hell, right? I decided tonight I would touch up the gray a little. Not all of it, of course, I like to look my best, but no one’s going to believe that someone that is sixty-seven doesn’t have some gray hair in his stache. I jump into the shower and wash and rinse myself seven times. I put on my clothes and look in the mirror. Not bad, I think.

I pull up my bamboo socks, you wouldn’t believe how comfortable they are, and your feet can breathe. And the Piece De Resistance is my hand-made vintage Lee Miller boots. They cost a pretty penny but believe me, they were worth it. They are hand-stitched with red hearts and inlaid white patches. I  feel like a million bucks.

This makes it even more difficult for me to understand why I can’t find a woman to keep me company in the sunset of my years. After all, I’m not bad-looking, have some money in the bank and own a home with no mortgage. What more could any woman want? Plus, I’m very, very neat, and a dam good cook to boot.

I set the table for two, I live alone, but I’m optimistic. I take two steps to the right and then two steps back. And take my seat as I eat my bowl of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch. I consider where I might purchase my next hat. My plan is to buy a Brick Cowboy Hat, which is similar to a cattleman cowboy hat but has a squarer crown. I also have to pick up my Gambler Cowboy hat because I left it at the hat shop to be blocked. It‘s a little too big for my head now that I have less hair. So, I’m having it resized.

I wash and rinse the cups and bowls twenty-seven times and put them away. Today is the third day of the week in the third week of the month, so it’s time to go out and buy a new cowboy hat. I decide to shop at my old standby Cowtown Cowboy Outfitters. I received an email informing me that they received some new hats just last week. And luckily, Zane Western Apparel is only about a quarter of a mile from Cowtown. And that is where my Gambler Hat is being blocked. What a great day this is going to be.

As I head towards Cowtown, I decide that while I’m buying my new hat, I’ll peruse the flea market. And then enjoy barbeque ribs for lunch. I realize that I’m humming my favorite tune. “Whoopie Yippie e. Hurrah.”

I see the sign for Cowtown, and my heart starts beating a little faster, “Yippee Ky O Ky Yea.” I yell at the top of my voice.

I disembark from my 1965 Shelby-Made Mustang. I step back three steps and sidestep five and take a long look at my baby. It’s cherry red and pristine. I love it like I loved my mother. It’s 10:45 am. I take a deep breath and stare at the Cowtown Cowboy. It’s one of my favorite icons of all time.

The cowboy had a lariat in his hand, but people kept trying to swing from it. So, they took off the lariat. I decided to peruse the flea market. I enjoy looking through the now worn and somewhat tattered stalls. Why? You ask. It’s probably just a bunch of Chinese imports. Nothing is made in America anymore. Because it is part of my tradition, and that is reason enough for me.

I pick up a genuine replica of a Colt 45. I’m not a gun enthusiast, but it’s part of the Cowboy tradition. Still, I put it down and kept walking. And then I see in the distance a woman, a goddess, really. She’s wearing full cowgirl tradition. She has on amazing boots and tight blue jeans with a red flannel shirt and a matching red scarf. And the Piece de ’resistance, a creamy white Stetson hat.

I nonchalantly walk toward the table where she is standing. It’s a table covered in bright neck scarves. I casually glance at a sky-blue one and pick it up and feel the texture, and put it in the light to get a better look. She looks over at me and smiles. I look at her, and I notice she has the most astonishing blue eyes. I almost gasp out loud. I smile and say, “that scarf would look great on you. It’s the exact color of your eyes.

She glances at me, takes off the scarf, and says, “thanks, that’s a good choice.” I want to continue the conversation. But as usual, this is where I usually get tongue-tied. I continue, anyway. “Say, I was going to get some bar-b-que ribs for lunch. Would you be interested in joining me?”

“Lunch, sure. I guess that would be nice. I’m getting a little bit hungry.”  We head on over to Dutch Country Barbeque. She stops along the way and looks at tables at the wares. We arrive at the restaurant. A somewhat loud but friendly woman yells out. “Find a seat and sit down, folks. I’ll be right there.”

So, she has a seat, and then I take two steps to the right and two to the left and sit down. She gives me a funny look. I sit down and begin to move the salt and pepper into the right position. And then move the barbeque sauces next to each other. I take out a clean hand wipe and wipe the table down. I get another funny look. I begin to feel that uh-oh feeling. That I get when I notice people think I’m weird. But I don’t know what it is that I’m doing wrong.

“Well, I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Robert Leroy Cassidy. But everyone calls me Butch. May I ask your name?”

“My name is Sue Ellen Bassett. I own a small ranch about twenty miles south of here. I raise and train horses for the Rodeo here. Wait a minute, did you tell me your name was Butch Cassidy?”

“Well, yes, is that a problem?”

“No, it’s just you know Butch Cassidy was an outlaw. Are you a descendant or something?”

“No, I had my name legally changed to Butch Cassidy when I was thirty. He was kind of a hero to me growing up.”

“A hero, but was an outlaw?’

“Well, yes, technically, I guess that’s true. He lived by the code of the old west. It was a different time.  People lived by different rules. You know, live by the gun, die by the gun.” I watched her face carefully as I related this information to her.

She starts clearing her throat. It looks like she’s going to make a run for it. “Wait, I know this sounds crazy, but I’m not crazy. I have a thing for the old west and the gunslingers back then. That’s all. I’m not an outlaw. I‘m a retired insurance salesman from Texas. By the way, what’s your name?” I see her face relax a little.

“My name is Etta Thompson. Do you come to Cowtown very often?

“Well, about once a month if I’m picking up a new hat.”

“Oh, that’s interesting. Do you collect hats?”

I smile. I think ok, and she doesn’t seem to think that’s odd. And so, I continue.” Well, yes, I do. I collect cowboy hats. And other kinds of Western paraphernalia. But my main interest is hats.”

“Well. Everyone has hobbies, and collecting hats seems a harmless enough activity. I enjoy collecting brass bells. I have about five hundred. I had more, but I sold some of them on eBay recently because I was running out of room in my house.”

“Oh, how did you start collecting bells?”

“I go to estate sales because I enjoy looking at older homes. I started to collect bells, so I had a reason to keep going to the sales. Basically, I’m curious about how other people live and the things they accumulate over a lifetime. People are fascinating to me.”

“Well, I can’t say that I’m drawn to that many people or that I  like to talk to most people. There are very few people that I’m attracted to. I mean to feel a connection “ I feel my face getting red. Can you imagine still blushing when you’re over sixty years old?

“That’s alright, and I know what you mean.”

At that point, the waitress comes over. “So, what can I get you to drink? Do you need the menus, or do you know what you want?”

“Well, I would like a sweet tea and the lunch special barbeque.”

“Me too.”, Butch says and blushes.

After the food arrives, they both dig in and don’t really say anything until they finish eating. Butch feels comfortable with Etta, a rare occurrence. They both sigh, push their plates away and sigh simultaneously. Then they both chuckle at the same time. “That was good, says Etta.”

“Delicious as usual,” says Butch.

“Well, what are your plans for the rest of the afternoon, Butch?”

“First, I’m going to pick up a hat I’m having blocked, and then I’m going to Zane Apparel and purchase a Gambler Hat that I’ve wanted to buy for a long time.’

“That sounds like fun?”

“Would you like to come along?”

“I would love that, but I’m meeting with some guys about a horse they want me to train. I would love to get together again. In fact, I would like to invite you to come over and see my ranch. I’m really proud of it.”

As Butch starts to rise out of his chair, he lays down a twenty-dollar bill and a tip. And he says I would enjoy that very much. Any day in particular?”

“How about on Sunday afternoon, it’s the only day I don’t have a lot of work to do on the ranch, and the weather is supposed to be spectacular. We could take a ride.”

“Take a ride? I don’t really have a great deal of experience riding, But I would love to give it a try.” Butch is secretly amazed at his own words. Not to mention that he didn’t even do the two-step when he arose from the chair or clean the whole table and stack the dishes. A big smile crosses his face.

“Fantastic. Here are my card and cell number. How about around 12:30 pm? I’m a pretty good cook, if I do say so myself. I’ll make something special for us to eat.”

“Wow, I mean great, I look forward to it. I’ve had a great day. I look forward to seeing you on Sunday.”

They walk side by side out the door. Butch has never felt more alive and has a bounce to his step that he didn’t know existed before. As he is about to say goodbye, Eta leans in and kisses him on the cheek. I’ll see you then, Butch; I look forward to it.”

“Me too, Eta. I look forward to it. See you Sunday.”

As he starts walking away, he says, “Hell, maybe I’ll get two new hats.”

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A DREAM COME TRUE

When I retired from work at sixty-two, I thought now I could finally relax and enjoy the good life. I will spend all my time reading, painting, writing, and all of my other hobbies. That had I put off all of my working years.

But it didn’t take long before I realized that although I was retired from working forty hours a week, I still had to take care of cleaning and maintaining my home and my garden. I still had to pay the bills. I still had to go food shopping etc, etc, etc.

But what I did make time for was going to estate sales and yard sales. Because I decided that Saturday was going to be my day off. I’m not sure why I loved this activity so much, but I did. Perhaps because it always felt like it was a treasure hunt. And I came to look forward to Saturday mornings with great anticipation. Oh, the thrill of the hunt. 

And so, every Friday morning, I would take a walk down to the local store and buy the newspaper and read the garage sale ads in the classified section of the newspaper. And then, I would write a list of all the local estate and yard sales and their locations and write the directions down so I could drive from one sale to the next.

One of the interesting things that I found out after a short period of time was that there were so many like-minded people going to estate sales, especially in the well-to-do locations. Because there was always a possibility that I might find a real treasure that I recognized their true value and others wouldn’t.

Most estate sale buyers had particular items that they collected. Anything was possible, and they might collect comic books or cookbooks, jewelry, antiques or cameras, and teapots. Really there was no end to the objects that people collected.

Oh, and there was always excitement in the air as the shoppers waited in line outside as the time got closer to open the doors to the public. Most often, there was a limit to how many people could enter the house at any given time. If the house was located in an exclusive high-end home, people really became impatient waiting outside for their chance to enter the home. God forbid anyone cut into line the crowd because they could really get rowdy. You were always afraid that someone would find that perfect treasure. The one you have been hunting for all along.

I looked for anything that was out of the ordinary or unusual. Anything from a chandelier to original art. As people slowly entered the house, the first few people who went in would emerge. Sometimes they would have a triumphant look on their faces or sometimes disappointed. But, you always held out hope that you would finally get that one special object that would complete your collection, no matter what you collected. Or even better, something that was worth a great deal of money, and you could sell it and make a profit.

Then finally, I was number one in line outside the front door. The house was a big, old Victorian home. I just loved the Victorian houses. They were so interesting, and they were all unique. People walked around examining each item that was for sale. It was a treasure hunt for us all.

I had been searching for a Victorian chandelier for my dining room for quite a while. And the moment I entered the living room and I saw the double doors that led to the formal dining room, I saw it. And it was the most beautiful crystal chandelier hanging from the dining room ceiling. And it was perfect. I looked for one of the people running the sale. As I wanted to buy the chandelier before anyone else did. I saw someone in the dining room looking up at the chandelier and checking out the price, and then they whistled and walked away.

I hurried through the double doors to the dining room. The dining room table and chairs were definitely original and almost in perfect condition. On the center of the table, there was a circular burn. It looked like someone had placed a hot dish or container directly on the table. I was standing there shaking my head when I heard someone say, “oh, what a shame. I wonder if it would be possible to have that burn repaired?” I said, “I don’t know, but I would definitely offer a lower price than their asking for it. And then possibly you could have it repaired. It really is a beautiful table, and the chairs look like they have the original seat covers. And they are in excellent shape.” 

“Yes, yes, they do. I love them. I think I might make an offer and see what happens. Good luck. I hope you find something you love as well.”

“Thank you, and I see quite a few things that I would love to get. But my budget is limited. Good luck, I hope you are able to buy the dining room set.”

I saw a woman that looked like she was in charge of the sale, and I walked over to her. “Hello, I’m interested in the crystal chandelier. “Can I make an offer on it?”

“Yes, of course. But you will have to wait until the end of the day to see if your offer has been accepted. If someone makes a higher offer. You could lose it. That would be a shame, and it is a one-of-a-kind chandelier. It is original to the house.”

“Really, well, I definitely will make an offer.”

“Well, there is a woman in the office through that door. She will take your contact information and cell phone number and let you know the outcome. Good luck.”

So, I went through the door. I walked over to the woman at the desk and told her I wanted to make an offer on the crystal chandelier. She handed me a paper, and I wrote down my offer and my cellphone number. She said, “It is a beautiful piece, good luck. There are two more floors. Maybe you’ll find something else that you like.”

I nodded and headed toward the kitchen. There was a small pantry with a table and chair. I was starting to fall in love with this house. It certainly was unique. I wondered how much they were asking for it. And if there was any way I could win the lottery and buy this home.

I walked back to the front door and headed up the stairs to the second floor. At the top of the steps, there was a long hallway with three opened doors. Wow, this house was amazing. The first door opened to a small bedroom that was illuminated by the morning sun. Unfortunately, it had horrible wallpaper throughout the whole room. Aside from that, it was empty. But, I was able to see the possibilities of the room. There was a large closet in the room. And the floor throughout the house had the original wood floors. And I believed that with hard work, they could be restored.

I walked down to the next door and I pushed it open it was the biggest bathroom I had ever seen, but unfortunately, one of my fellow shoppers was sitting on the toilet and going to the bathroom. Before I backed out of the room, I noticed a beautiful tub and shower. The room was black and white with even more hideous wallpaper on the walls. I said, “good lord, who picked out all the hideous wallpaper.?”It looked like it was from the turn of the nineteenth century.

At the end of the hallway, there stood a set of black, wrought iron gates that reached from the floor to the ceiling. I couldn’t imagine what might be behind them. At one end of the hallway to the right a closet that had a door on it and a window. It was empty save for an iron radiator. I gazed out the window and saw a side garden with huge overgrown evergreens and what looked like a balcony on the facing wall.

I left the closet and returned to the hallway and the next closed door. I heard people milling about behind the door. I walked through the entrance, and there was yet another bedroom. It was large and empty. There were about ten people looking around and peeping into the large, empty closet. I couldn’t understand why they were holding an estate sale since there didn’t seem to be anything for sale. And it occurred to me at that moment that they were trying to sell this huge, empty house. As I walked across the room, there was a set of double doors and a balcony. The doors were locked. But I could see the backyard from the balcony. There was a large garage beyond the small backyard.

I saw another door in the bedroom, and it led to a small bathroom. This house certainly had no shortage of doors, rooms, and bathrooms. It was the largest house I had ever been in. And that’s saying a lot because I had gone to a hundred estate sales over the years. All the people who had been standing in line outside were now in the house. And it didn’t seem crowded at all. That’s how big this house was.

There was a wooden door to the right I opened the door, and at least fifty people stood inside the room. It was absolutely the largest room I had ever seen in my life. There was a huge black chandelier hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room. And there was a fireplace on the back wall. The walls appeared to have a surface that looked like spackled cement or something similar to that. The window on the far wall was unbelievably big, and the rest of the wall was covered in floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. I felt small in this room. The view outside the huge window was blocked by two tall trees. But I could see the neighbor’s house across the street.

I walked to the middle of the room and stood there simply amazed by the sheer size of the room and the number of people milling about. Who all had the same amazed look on their faces as I did. I decided to walk back down the hall and go up to what I believed was a door to the third floor. And it turned out that there was indeed a third floor that ran the length of the house. And above that was an attic. I couldn’t believe how huge this house was. I wondered who lived here before and what they did with all the rooms.

And the longer I stood in the middle of this room, the more I realized that this house, this magnificent house, was going to be my house; somehow, some way, I was going to make it happen. And as I stood there and imagined living here, I imagined all the beautiful and unusual artifacts I would be able to find at estate sales and all the fun I would have finding them. And that, my friends, is how I came to find and buy the home of my dreams.

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HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

It was the Fall of 1991 and we had just sold our home of fourteen years in Pennsauken, NJ, and moved to Pitman a small town in Gloucester County New Jersey. We were a family of four, husband, wife, and two children. The house we purchased was a Victorian house that was built in 1910.

It had originally been owned by a family called Sooy. One of the owners was a neuropsychologist and one wing of the house was used for his offices. We heard from our new next-door neighbors that Dr. Sooy only saw patients at night. The house was empty for eight years since its original owners had passed away. It had been neglected for many years long before the former owners passed away. It needed a great deal of work inside and out, starting with a new roof. The old roof had leaked for years and inclement weather over the years had caused damage to the interior of the house. We felt that we were up to the challenge. 

My plan was to utilize part of the house which was formerly used as a doctor’s office and exam room as an art studio to teach children and adults the basics of drawing and painting. I had recently graduated from Temple Tyler School of Art in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. And I had earned a BFA in Fine Arts and a degree in Art Education. I was the only adult student to graduate that year and while my fellow students had attained the grand old age of twenty-one I turned forty. Going to college turned out to be one of the most valuable experiences of my life. It was hard work, but I enjoyed every minute of it.

And so our journey began. We began to do some repairs on the house before we even moved into it. The realtor who had been trying to sell the house for years helped us do some of the minor repairs that had to be completed before we went to closing. So that we could get a certificate of occupancy. We moved in the February of 1994 on my oldest daughter’s thirteenth birthday. But we had to wait until Spring to put a new roof on the house.

One of the first neighbors we met were Bob and Marie Batten who owned the house across the street from us. Bob Batten had recently retired from his dental practice and his dental offices were in his home. His wife had assisted him for many years. He was in his early seventies when we first met and we built a friendship that lasted for many, many years until his death. In fact, Dr. Batten became one of my first adult students. Marie was a dear friend as well despite the thirty-year age gap. I spent many happy hours with her learning about her life in Pitman and hearing all the township gossip from years gone by.

In fact, I made many friends in Pitman through The Art Room. Which was what I named my business. Many children who had an interest in learning how to draw and paint attended my classes for years until they graduated from high school. And many adults who lived in town did as well, even one of the town’s administrators.

The neighborhood we lived in was a mixture of all kinds of people. Many of the people who lived on our street had lived there for decades. And they became some of my closest friends. Lois Fegundus who lived three houses away from me was an avid gardener. She was a retired school teacher, who talk Home Economics and had retired years before. Her favorite hobby was gardening and she taught me everything she knew. She shared her knowledge and her plants. Most of the flowers in the garden I created in my Pitman garden came from Lois’s garden. She had a great love of antique furniture and share her love of everything antique with me. I look back at all the hours I spent with her working in her garden as well as my own garden as the best hours and days of my life. And here I am in my own later years still happily gardening having benefited from her knowledge and generous heart. She passed away shortly before we retired and moved to North Carolina.

Of course, not everything in life smells of roses and daffodils. We had some downright awful neighbors. The Victorian house next door was owned by a man, Jack Fleming whose family lived downstairs and he rented the second floor of his house out.

His wife, Nina was friendly enough. I could never understand what she saw in him since he was eternally in a bad mood. She worked in a library and he sold real estate.

Jack’s tenants came and went fairly quickly because he refused to even consider putting a small window air conditioner in their apartment. And believe me, it is humid and hot, hot, hot in New Jersey in the summertime. So, his tenants would often stay a year and then move out. So, there was a steady stream of people moving in and out. Jack didn’t have any parking available on his property for the tenants. As a result, they always parked on our side street next to our house. One of the first tenants had an unusual hobby. He sang opera late into the night after he got home from work. 

The other tenant that sticks out in my memory is a family that lived on the second floor for several years. They used to eat outside on a picnic table and when they were done eating they would throw their trash over our back fence and into our yard. No matter how many times I told them to throw their trash in the trash can they threw it over into our yard.

After several years Jack and Nina sold their house to an investor. And he rented the whole house out top and bottom. I do not have the strength to think about all the people who came and went after that. As an example, one of the tenants who was living in the downstairs apartment decided to move out. They had a pet rabbit and they left it in the shed in the backyard, never to return. The new tenants saw me in my backyard and ask me what they should do about the rabbit. Their landlord said it wasn’t his problem. So, I suggested that they take it to the local animal shelter. It was late August and the shed was hot as hell, can you imagine?

The tenants in the house didn’t have enough parking space in the driveway and they would all park on the side of my house and come and go at all hours of the day and night often throwing their trash from their cars on my sidewalk. No matter how many times I ask them to take their trash with them and keep the noise down to a low roar when they came home in the middle of the night they just didn’t care. At one point one of the tenants invited a whole crowd of people to have a bar-b-Que in the backyard. I happened to be coming out my back door and saw them. I notified their landlord that he better keep his tenants in line or I was going to start calling the police and complain.

Soon after that these particular tenants moved away. Which honestly was a blessing. But, then I started worrying if even worse people could move in next door.

What happened next was the elderly neighbor, Mrs. Foot who lived behind us passed away and her house, a duplex was sold to a middle-aged couple. I went over to their house the following week and introduced myself to her and welcome her and her husband to the neighborhood. She had moved from New York City to our little town of Pitman. The first time I met her I introduced myself to her and welcomed her to the neighborhood she was originally from Brazil.

Over time we became friends and she told me she never learned to drive. I offered to teach her. I have to admit it was a scary experience since she seemed as if she didn’t know her left hand from her right hand. But eventually, she improved and got her driver’s license and her husband bought her a car so she was able to go places while he was at work. We were friends for a long time until my husband and I retired and moved to North Carolina. They came to visit us the first year that we lived there.

But the neighbor who will live forever as a bad memory lived across the street from our driveway. She was the neighbor from hell. Her elderly aunt formerly lived in the house and became ill and passed away. She inherited the house from her aunt. The house was in poor repair but it progressively went downhill after Susan Mullen and her family moved in. She had two teenagers when she moved in but within two years she had two more children a boy and a baby girl. They had different fathers. Susan Mullen was truly one of the worse mothers I ever had the misfortune to know and unfortunately live across the street from them.

Susan Mullen and her string of boyfriends had loud arguments late at night. She apparently had acquired a drug addiction and she had all kinds of scary people visiting her night and day. She left the child care of her two young children to her teenagers. Eventually, I had to report to DYFS that Susan was not only verbally abusing her children but physically. One day her son who was about five or six at the time was out in front of their house he had a child’s golf club and he was swinging it back and forth across the grass. I happened to be gardening in my backyard. She yelled at him to stop. But he didn’t right away. And she ran towards him and kicked him in the rear end with tremendous force and he flew about two feet in the air. I called the town police and reported the incident to DYFS.

I can’t say that thing ever got any better at Susan Mullen’s home. Unfortunately, I have to admit we developed a hate/ hate relationship. That only got worse over time.

The time came when my husband and myself retired and my younger daughter decided to move to North Carolina. By then our older daughter had moved to Philadelphia and married.

We lived in Pitman for twenty-two years. We met and became friends with a great many people. Overall, it was a wonderful experience with a few bumps along the road. And I will miss our house in Pitman for the remainder of my days. It was a difficult decision to sell our house we had put our hearts and years of hard work into restoring it to its former condition. The day we moved away and pulled out of our driveway was one of the hardest days of my life. I only hoped the new family who lives there now love and care for that house as much as we did. And now they are forever a part of its history as we are.

And here I sit in my home in NC in a small development of twenty families. It is a quiet place to live out our retirement and I have come to love this house as well. But, it will never be able to take the place of our Pitman, NJ home in my heart. But, life goes on.

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THE MOST PRECIOUS TREASURE IN LIFE

Of all the pastimes that I have enjoyed over my lifetime the one, the one I loved the most was beachcombing. I spent all my summers in Wildwood, NJ as a child. Wildwood is a beach town on the Southern Coast of New Jersey. And when I grew up I saw no reason to stop going. Unfortunately, I was only able to go to Wildwood for two weeks during my summer vacation as an adult. But I counted the days until I returned like a child counting the days until Christmas.

If there‘s a better place to spend the summer than the beach I have yet to find it. The salty air, the ocean, the sky, the sound of the waves crashing against the rocky shore. And more than anything the feel of the warm sand between my toes. It‘s heaven on earth. Boy treasure hunting

I spent the long, hot, and sultry summer days walking from one end of the beach to the other. I carried a large plastic bag with Captain Hook’s picture on it over my shoulder. When I started to feel too hot I would run down and jump into the ocean to cool off. The water was cold and shocking at first but then I would get used to it. And I would swim out the waves and let the waves carry me back to the beach. I never felt more alive or free.

As I walked the beach I would look down and kick the sand to see if I could uncover hidden treasures. When I first started to comb the beach I would pick up shells in every shape and color and starfish. One day I found hundreds of tiny little shells and I filled up my bag to the brim.

When I got back home that day I put the bag of little shells on the floor under my bed. And later that day my mother went into my room to change the bedsheets and low and behold she saw hundreds and hundreds of tiny crabs crawling all over the bed and on the floor and under the bed and up some of the walls. I heard her yelling my name out at the top of her voice. And I knew that I was in big trouble. But I couldn’t imagine what I did wrong.

My mother continued to scream until I managed to collect them all and put them in my beach bucket. She looked at me like she thought I was out of my mind. “Why in the world would you bring all of these creatures into my house. You better find every one of them and take them back to the beach this minute. Don’t ever do this again or you won’t be going to the beach anymore. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Mom I’m sorry. I didn’t know they were crabs. I thought they were just little seashells.”

I collected all of the crabs, at least I thought I did. And I took them back to the beach and released them. However, for the next week or so I found a crab on my bed, one in my closet and one made it all the way into the hallway before I caught it. And believe it or not about a month later I found one crawling in my sink and before I could catch it went down the drain. I guess he found a shortcut to the ocean.

One hot and humid day I walked down to the beach early in the morning and I saw an old guy walking on the beach he had something in his hand that had a pole with a round metal circle at the bottom and he was moving it slowly across the beach. I thought “what in the world is he doing?”

I decided to run up to him and ask him what he was doing. He was concentrating and he didn’t notice me coming near him. So, when I screamed “hello” at him he jumped about a foot into the air. I started laughing, and he got real mad and ask me, “are you out of your mind startling me like that? I could have had a hard attacked and died right in front of you?”

I looked at him, and I was about to say, “sorry”, when he started laughing. “What are you up to boy? What’s your name?”

“Everybody calls me Sandy because I’m always dragging sand into the house from the beach. But my real name is Sammy. I like to comb the beach for treasures and add them to my collection.”

“Is that so? Well Sandy that‘s exactly what I’m doing. I comb the beach with this metal detector for treasures. It can tell when there is any kind of metals under the sand. And it makes a sound when it finds metal. It can detect metal that’s under twelves inches of sand. I’ve found beer cans, coins, and a couple of rings. One of them was a gold wedding ring. And I found an old watch. Tons of stuff, some of it was valuable and some of it was trash. I do it for fun and it gives me an excuse to walk up and down the beach and to talk to interesting people like yourself.”

“Really? I would love to get a metal detector. Do you know how much they cost?”

“You can get a cheap one for about one hundred dollars. But a good one will cost ya about two thousand dollars or more.”

He saw Sandy’s jaw drop down as far as it could Sandy said. “Wow, I don’t think my parents have that much money. I guess I’ll just keep looking with my feet.”

“What do you mean looking at your feet?”

“I mean, that as I walk along the beach, I kick the sand up with my feet and if I see anything or feel anything I dig it up with my shovel and my hands and I put it in my bucket and take it home. Last time I found a hundred little shells and I brought them home to my room and it turned out that they were little crabs. And they crawled all over my room even in my closet and on my bed. My mother had a fit. One even went down the hall to the bathroom. Now I’m not allowed to bring anything home that might be alive. Parents are no fun.”

“Well, Sandy, would you like to walk along the beach with me today and see if I find any treasures? Do you want to run home and ask your Mom if that’s alright?”

“No, she doesn’t care. She never asks what I’m doing as long as I’m home on time for lunch and dinner. Anyhow, I don’t know your name.”

“Oh, sorry I should have introduced myself to you. My name is Bill. My friends call be Billy Boy though. So, why don’t you call me Billy Boy? As I consider you a new friend.”

Sandy looked at Billy Boy and said, “OK Billy let’s go. I can’t wait. We’re going to find some gold doubloons I know it. Then my mother will be happy when I make her rich.”

“Well, I don’t know if we’ll find doubloons but you never know let’s be on our way.”

Sandy and Billy Boy spent three hours on the beach looking for treasure. And then Billy Boy said, ” you know what it’s almost lunchtime how about we take a walk on the boardwalk and get some lunch?”

“Yeah, I’m starved.”

“OK, Sandy how about the Do Wop Diner? They have the best hamburgers and Milk Shakes in Wildwood.”

“Yeah, Oh I love hamburgers and milkshakes. I want a chocolate shake.”

“Me, too Sandy. That’s my favorite too.”

Billy Boy and Sandy spent an hour eating and talking about the treasures they would find. And then Billy said, “I have to take a trip to the boy’s room I’ll be right back. Sandy gulped down the remainder of his milkshake. And as Billy Boy walked up to their table. Sandy let out a loud burp. And Billy Boy laughed and so did everyone that was sitting near him.

Well, I paid our bill, so let’s be on our way and continue our treasure hunt shall we?”

“Yay, let’s go.“

And they walked down the boardwalk for about twenty minutes and Billy Boy said, “Hey how about we play a game or two and buy some fudge. I do so love me some fudge.”

“What? I love fudge too.”

Ten minutes later they had finished their fudge and felt so full they could burst. And Billy Boy said, “back to combing the beach.”

After about ten minutes or so of walking down the beach, the metal detector started beeping. “What’s that Billy Boy?”, said Sandy.

“Why it’s telling us there is some kind of treasure down there. Start digging.”

And then Sandy dug and dug and dug and then suddenly he yelled, ” I found it, I found it, at the top of his lungs. And he pulled up a leather bag and it felt heavy. He shook it and it sounded like coins. Sandy yelled, “we found treasure, we found treasure.” Both Billy Boy and Sandy started jumping up and down. Which was no easy trick for Billy Boy since he was seventy-five years old.

Sandy opened the pouch and he found coins, but they were ancient coins. They were new ones. Billy Boy looked at them and said, “oh, look they are coins from the casino. Somebody won them and put them in this leather pouch. We aren’t rich, but we’re lucky. Who knows what we’ll find tomorrow. Gold dubloons maybe, you never know. Do you want to meet me out here tomorrow and we’ll try our luck again, same place, same time?”

“Yeah, we’re going to be rich aren’t we?”

“Well, Sandy, I feel richer already?”

“You do, Billy Boy how come?”

“Well, Sandy, I’m richer because I made a new friend today.”

“You did, who?”
“Well, you of course Sandy. I feel like the richest man on the planet. How about we split these coins and we’ll meet again tomorrow, buddy?”

“Yes, buddy let’s do that.” And Sandy smiled from ear to ear. And he never felt happier than he did at this moment.

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A LONG SUMMER’S WEEKEND

It was August of 1965 I just turned fourteen years old in late May. My childhood best friend, Joanie calls me up one day and asks me if I would be interested in going camping with her other best friend Dolores Brennan.

Joan originally agreed to go camping with her but decides she really doesn’t want to go camping at all. Since she hates the idea of sleeping outside in a tent, on the ground. And has an almost pathological fear of insects, especially mosquitoes. And as everyone knows New Jersey is the breeding ground in the summer for every kind of biting insect, especially mosquitoes.

On top of that Dolores’s father was going to be going with them. And they would all be sleeping in the same tent together. Joan went on to explain that she felt really weird about sleeping in the same tent with Dolores and her father for some weird reason. 

My family never took summer vacations or trips when I was a kid, ever. Joan’s family took summer vacations to Florida almost every year. I had never been anywhere at all unless I could ride there on my bike. And my parents expected me to be home at five o’clock on the dot. Or there would be hell to pay. Well, not really. They just remind me, “You know we eat at 5 pm and you shouldn’t keep other people waiting.”

So, when Joan calls and asks if I would like to go camping with Dolores and her father I did not hesitate to say, “Yes, I would love to go camping with them.” And Joan responds, “great I’ll give Dolores a call and let her know that you’ll go. And I’ll give her your phone number and she’ll call you with all the details.”

I pack a bag that includes enough clothes for at least three weeks even though I would only be gone for two days. I “borrow” one of my older sister’s bathing suits. Since I didn’t have a swimming suit of my own that still fits me. As I had grown quite a bit since the last time I went swimming in Jackie’ Rice’s above-ground pool. Hopefully, my sisters wouldn’t notice it was missing before I left.

I nonchalantly tell my parents that I’m going camping with Joan’s friend Dolores and her father. They never met Dolores but have been hearing about her for years. Since I was extremely jealous of Joan’s friendship with Dolores. I insisted that Joan could only have one best friend. And Joan insists that it’s alright because I was her best neighborhood friend. And Dolores is her best friend in school. Joan is a year younger than I was and so she was in a different year of school.

The day of the trip finally arrives and I’m impatiently waiting for Dolores and her father to arrive in front of my house. They know that I live two houses away from Joan’s house. I stare out the living room window.  My father says, “you’re going to stare a hole in the window if you keep that up.” My mother says, “Leave her alone she’s not hurting anything by looking out the window.”

And then, at last, I see an old car pull up in front of my house. And I can see Dolores sitting in the front seat next to her day. “Here she is, I’ll see you on Sunday night.” And I grab my bag with my stuff in it and run out the door before they can change their minds about letting me go. I run out to the car as fast as I can. Dolores has her window down and says, “get in the back.” I am a little upset because she isn’t going to sit in the back with me. Then I open the car door and throw my suitcase onto the back seat and jump in. I glance out the window and I can see both of my parents looking out the front window and waving at me. I give them a little wave, and before you know it, we are on our way.

Dolores doesn’t even introduce me to her father, she just says,” hi.” And then she turns the radio up. Her dad pulls out into Fellowship Rd. and heads toward Route 73 South towards the shore, where we will be camping. After about a half-hour of silence, I say,” so how long a drive is it to the campsite, Dolores?”

“Oh, it’s about another forty-five minutes.” And then she turns the radio up louder. I start feeling a little mad and almost feel like telling them I want to go home. But I realize if I do that my parent will decide I’m too young to go anywhere without them. So, I keep my mouth shut. Dolores and her father start having a conversation about what people they know that might be there. And how they are looking forward to cooking over a fire and swimming in the lake that is nearby.

I decided that I will start asking questions so that they will include me in the conversation. I wish that Dolores had sat in the back seat with me. I wonder why she asks if I could go with her if she wasn’t going to talk to me and just ignore me sitting in the back seat of her car.

“Dolores, do you know how to swim?”

“What? Of course, I know how to swim, silly. Only babies don’t know how to swim.”

Oh, oh I think, I don’t know how to swim. I will have to be careful not to let her know. The only place I have ever been swimming was my neighbor above the ground pool. It is shallow and I can stand up in and it was about up to my chest. I never learned how to swim.

Her father still hasn’t said anything to me. My father is kind of a grouch, so he doesn’t really talk to my friends that come over, other than to tell them to pipe down while he’s watching TV. So, I try not to take his ignoring me personally. But the fact, that Dolores is ignoring me pretty much, is really making me mad. I’m not sure what I should do though.

After a while, we get on a big highway and I see a sign that says South Bound Atlantic City. So, I know we are getting closer. I realize that my ear is starting to hurt me. I must have gotten water in my ear when I was shampooing my hair last night. I get a lot of earaches so I know in a little while my ear is really going to start hurting me. I wonder if I should say something before, we get any further.

“Dolores, I’m starting to get an earache. Maybe your dad should take me back home before we get any further otherwise, I’m going to keep you up all night with my earache.”

“What? We’re not going to turn back now, we’re almost there, don’t be a baby.”

I’m so mad at Dolores now that I feeling like giving her a big punch. I knew there was a reason I didn’t like her. I kept my mouth shut for the rest of the trip. In about an hour her father announces, “here we are, get ready for some fun.”

My ear is really throbbing now and I know I shouldn’t go swimming or my ear will get more water in it and then I will get an infection. And I will have to go to the doctor’s when I get home. “Dolores, my ear is really starting to hurt, I’m not going to be able to go swimming.”

Dolores turns her head and looks at me and makes a really mean face at me. But she doesn’t say anything at all. And her father acts like he doesn’t even know that I’m in the back seat. Since he hasn’t said a word to me. I wonder what I should do, but I really have no idea. I just sit there with my ear throbbing. I guess I will just keep quiet and hope it doesn’t get worse and hope the weekend goes by quickly. I feel miserable.

About ten or fifteen minutes later we approach a sign that says. CAMPING FOR FAMILIES. Dolores’s father pulls up to the entrance and hands something to the guy in the booth at the entrance. “OK I got our campsite, lets go park and set up the tent and the campsite. He’s looking at Dolores and is still acting like I’m not in the back seat of the car. I feel like I’m invisible. I vow never to talk to Dolores again and I am definitely and going to tell Joan that I’m mad at her as well. Why didn’t she warn me that Dolores and her father were weirdos?

Dolores’s father pulls his car into the camping site and parks the car. Then he jumps out of the car and opens the trunk. “Ok, you guys come on out and help me unload the camping gear and set up camp.”

I feel a little better because at least he acknowledges that I exist for the first time. “Come on, get out and help.”

I’m so mad at Dolores that I feel my temper is rising and soon I will smack her or something. I go over to where she is standing and say, “what do you want me to do? I’ve never been camping before?”

“Just grab some of the stuff from the trunk and bring it over to where my father is standing and once, we get out everything from the trunk, we’ll set up the tent.”

“Ok.” And I do just that, she hasn’t even smiled at me or said anything to me except that I was acting like a baby. I’m so, so angry.

We follow Dolores’ father into the woods carrying all the heavy camping equipment with us. We have to make two trips to get all the equipment to the campsite. I have no idea how to set up a campsite let alone put up a tent. The only tent I ever put up was in my backyard. My friends and I would throw a blanket over the clothesline in the backyard and then pin it to the ground by hammering clothespins into the ground on either side of the clothesline.

I watch Dolores and her father put the tent up and set up a place to cook whatever food they brought with them. It is a small tent. And I can’t help but think and now I have to share this small space inside this little tent with Dolores and her father all night.

I wish there was some way to get out of this situation aside from demanding that they take me home right now. And I truly wish I had the guts to do just that but I don’t. Dolores says come on let’s take a walk and I’ll show you where the showers and the bathroom is located in case you have to go to the bathroom during the night.

“What? Do you expect that I will be able to find the bathroom in the dark in the middle of the night by myself? Are you crazy? I’ll get lost. Then what? If I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I’m going to wake you up and you are going to have to go with me.”

Dolores looks at me like I’m crazy. “No, I’m not going to do that.”

“Yes, Dolores you are, or you and your father are going to have to take me back home right now.”

Dolores doesn’t say anything to me after that. And that was just fine with me. I didn’t care if she ever spoke another word to me for the rest of my life. Dolores says, “come on I’ll show you where the bathroom is just in case and the showers are right next to the bathroom. I hope you brought a towel with you because they don’t supply them here.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me that before we left? I had no idea, I told you I have never been camping before. We made our way through the woods to the bathroom and then we both went into a stall to pee. It was disgusting. Apparently, you are supposed to bring toilet paper with you too, but I didn’t know that. This was turning into a real nightmare. I yelled out, “Dolores, do you have any toilet paper?”

She yelled back, “you mean you didn’t bring toilet paper with you?”

“No, I didn’t Dolores. No one told me too and I never went into a public toilet that didn’t have toilet paper there for people to use. Why didn’t you tell me that either?”

I hear Dolores laugh. And then a roll of toilet paper flies over my bathroom stall and I barely catch it before it falls onto the filthy floor. What in the world is wrong with these people?” Why did my friend Joan like this girl? She was just awful.

After I finish using the bathroom, I left the stall and I can’t find Dolores. She wasn’t in the bathroom anymore. I go outside and call out, “Dolores, where are you? She calls out, “I’m over here.”

I look in the direction that her voice came from. And I find her talking to another young girl about our age. I say, “hello.”

Dolores says, “this is my friend Joan’s friend. Joan couldn’t come, so I brought her with me instead.”

“Yeah, aren’t I the lucky one”, I said. Can we go back to the camp I’m getting hungry I didn’t have any lunch. Dolores rolls her eyes at her camping friend. And said, “yeah, I guess so.”

Dolores’ Dad had set up the campfire and he put the sleeping bags in the tent. It was really going to be close quarters. But it was only going to be one night because I decided that tomorrow, I’m going to tell them my ear is killing me and I feel sick. And they’re going to have to take me home first thing in the morning.

We have hotdogs and corn on the cob for dinner. Which is good as I love both hotdogs and corn on the cob. I say, “thank you, that was good. I was really hungry.” They both look at me like I’m talking another language or something.

I wonder what we were going to do the rest of the night. I have a feeling it was going to be a really long night. I never slept outside on the ground. And I‘m sure I‘m going to have trouble sleeping. I hope I won’t have to go to the bathroom again. I decide I’ll just go to the bathroom behind a tree or something before I went wandering around in the woods.

It turns out that all the campers are going to meet in a central location and tell ghost stories and sing songs. I enjoy singing songs. But some of the stories are really scary and I know I’m really going to have a hard time falling asleep. Or I‘ll have terrible nightmares about being murdered in my sleep.

After everyone starts returning to their own campsite, we’re about to go back to ours when Dolores says, ‘I’ll be back to the camp in a few minutes I want to talk to my friend Marla, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

So, then I had to walk with Dolores’ father to the campsite by myself and he still hasn’t talked to me at all. I’m beginning to get that creepy feeling about him again. About a half-hour later Dolores came back to our campsite and whispers to her father. I can’t hear what she’s saying. But then she grabs her sleeping bag and leaves the campsite. “Where is Dolores going?” I scream at the top of my lungs.

Her father looks at me as if he just realized I was there. “Oh, she says she’s going to sleep in her friend Marla’s tent tonight. She’ll see us in the morning.”

“What? She isn’t going to be sleeping here tonight? But she asked me to go camping with her. And now she isn’t even going to stay here in this tent. And I have to sleep here in the tent with just you????”

“Yes, it’s not a problem I don’t mind.”

“You don’t mind? But I do, and I know my parents wouldn’t like it at all.”

He doesn’t say anything more after that. But I was so worn out by the whole ordeal, that I just push my sleeping bag as far away from him as possible. And pull the sleeping bag up over my head and zip it shut as far as I can. And I promise myself that I will scream bloody murder if he comes anywhere near me.

Somehow, I manage to go to sleep, about halfway through the night I had to go to the bathroom so I sneak out of the tent and pee on the nearest tree. I crawl back into the tent and into my sleeping bag and zip it all the way up again.

I can’t fall asleep again, so I lay awake and listen to the crickets and mosquitoes all night. And as soon as it gets lite out, I wake Dolores’ father up and say, “I’m sick and I have to go home. I have a terrible earache and I feel sick. You have to take me home right now. Or, I’ll have to call my father and tell him he will have to come all the way here and pick me up. And he won’t like that because he works at night and he’ll have to go to work without getting any sleep.

He groans, and says, “ok, od let me tell Dolores that I’ll be back in a couple of hours. And then we’ll go. I knew this was a bad idea bringing some kid I didn’t know camping.”

If looks could kill he would have been dead where he stood. But he didn’t die, but he did take me home and never said a word the whole way. He drops me off in front of my house. I grab my bag and head into my house.

My mother is standing at the stove cleaning up the breakfast dishes. She’s startled when I walk in. “What happened are you alright? How come you’re back already?”

“Well, it’s kind of a long story, but for now let’s just say it turns out I’m not much of a camper and leave it at that. And if Joanie calls any time in the next couple of days. Tell her I can’t come to the phone. Needless to say, that was my one and only camping experience for many years to come.

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PART 2- ON THE WALK BACK TO GLAMPING CAMPING

Joe and Frieda are hiking at a fairly fast clip and Kathie‘s getting a little out of breath since she already walked quite a distance. “Hey, you guys would you mind taking a short break before we make the rest of the hike back to the camp. I’m kind of bushed?”

“What? Of course not, no problem. I know a place up ahead about a quarter of a mile where we can rest on the beach near a gorgeous lake and cool off. What do you think? Would you like to do that? They also have a cabana there where you get a cold drink and some snacks. How’s that sound?”

“That sounds great, I would love to sit on the beach and have a cold drink. Let’s go for it.”
“Awesome, we could even take a dip in the lake and cool off. We went swimming there yesterday. And the water was so clear, you can see straight to the bottom of the lake. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“Oh Frieda, I don’t have my bathing suit on under my clothes.”

“Oh, that’s not going to be a problem, don’t worry about it.” After about twenty minutes Kathie can hear people talking and laughing. The closer they got to the lake the louder the voices got louder. She doesn’t hear any kids yelling or playing.

“Oh, here we are Kathie, we know some of the people that are here because we come camping here almost every summer. I think you’ll love them as such open-minded and fun-loving people. I know you’ll love them, Kathie.”

Kathy can see the lake now, and it does look beautiful. “Wow, this is wonderful. No kids here, huh? That’s not a bad thing, it’s just that all the beaches I’ve been to in New Jersey were swarming with families and kids of all ages.”

“Oh, I guess I forgot to mention this is an adult beach only. But there are other lakes here that are family beaches, but all of them are clothing optional. I would have said something before, but most people know that before they come here. Although I guess Glamping Clamping doesn’t advertise it.”

“You’re kidding, I had no idea.” As Kathie looks up and down the beach, she sees that about one-half the people are wearing bathing suits and the other half, nothing. She decides that it doesn’t really bother her that much and plops down on the beach. “Well, I never went to a nude beach before, but I guess it’s not a big deal. But I think I’ll have to work up to it. Right now, I think I’ll just go get a cold drink and a snack.”

Kathie was relieved that the guy selling the drinks and snacks was wearing swimming trunks. “Hi, could I get a tall ice tea with ice?”

“Sure, coming right up. Is this the first time you came here to Glamping Camping? I don’t remember seeing you here before?”

“Yep, first time, turns out this is going to be my first time doing a lot of things here.”

The waiter chuckled, and said, “don’t worry you’ll get used to it.”

“Yes, I guess you can get used to anything, eventually, Thanks. “

I head back to where my new friends are standing on the beach and I’m somewhat surprised to see them standing in a group of people sans clothing. “Oh boy, here we go. Take a deep breath and keep walking Kathie. I said to myself.

“Oh, here she is now. I was just telling our friends here how we met you on the trail on our way here.’

I smiled and kept my eyes averted. I’m quite sure it is going to take me more than a little while to get used to talking to total strangers who are naked. “Oh hello, everyone, it’s so nice to meet you all. I was lucky to run into Joe and Freida this morning since I lost my way for a little bit. I never had a great sense of direction.”

Then everyone started introducing themselves to me, one by one. And I said jokingly, “I think it would be a lot easier if you all had name tags and I would remember your names better. Then I blushed, but they all laughed. And then I said, “Or not, LOL.”

Frieda said, “that’s a good one.” And she laughed.

“I think I’ll take a walk around the lake and check it out. It really is beautiful here.”

A young guy about my age asks me, “would you like some company?”

“Ah, yes, sure. I guess.”

“Oh, I’ll be right back I’m going to put on my swimming trunks since I know you are a newbie.”

I just stood there trying to decide if I was alright with the turn of events or if I wanted to run far, far away really fast. I decided to wait for him to return. I took a deep breath and waited. I decided I would wait and tell him I just wasn’t comfortable with the whole clothing-optional lifestyle.

After a couple of minutes, he came towards me. I relaxed as he had put shorts on. I realized I didn’t even know his name.” I’m sorry if Freda told me your name, I seem to have forgotten it all ready.”

“She didn’t. My name is Paul, Kathie. So, let’s take our walk and you can tell me what you’ve been up to so far.”

“Well not much really, I only just arrived a short time ago and after I settled into my little house, I took a hike, and lo and behold I saw a huge black bear up a tree. And it really freaked me out. I started running without really paying attention and got somewhat lost and that’s when I ran into Freda and Joe. And then we came here and I found out this it was a clothing-optional beach. Surprise, surprise, surprise.”

“Actually, you took it pretty well, some people might have run away. I felt awkward when I first came here, but now I don’t even think about the nudity.”

“If you say so, but I think it is something that will take me more than a little while to get used to. “

“You’re fine, don’t worry about it. It’s a choice, like I said, you do whatever you feel comfortable doing.”

“I appreciate that Paul, and I think I’m more of a traditional kind of person and I’m going to stick to swimming with people that wear bathing suits. No judgment, just my own comfort level.”

“Alright, no pressure, but maybe we could get together for lunch before you leave?”

“Thanks, but I already have my week planned out, it was nice meeting you, take care.”

The look on his face was heartbreaking really, but I turned and start walking away all the same. I felt bad if I hurt his feelings. But before I took this trip, I decided I was going to start listening to my inner voice and not to everyone around me. I felt proud that I was able to speak up for myself, but I felt a little guilty for hurting him.

I start hiking towards my little house and believe it or not I arrive there relatively unscathed and intact. I walk over to my little house and decide to take a shower and then a nap. It’s only about one 0’clock in the afternoon, but it had been a long day of traveling and hiking and weird experiences.

As I approach my little house, I can’t help but notice that the door is wide open. I walk slowly up to the door and peek in. I think well maybe housekeeping is in there? Nope, can’t be that I just arrived and it doesn’t need cleaning. Maybe, someone broke in and stole my belongings. Well, I had my wallet with me, and I didn’t bring any jewelry with me. Well, maybe a plumping problem?

I’m afraid to walk in so I just stick my head inside the door and I can’t help but notice that there is something or someone lying on top of my bed. What the heck is going on. I hear a loud sound, which I realize is snoring. But who or what is it? And then the snorer turns over and I see a hairy black face and I realize there is a hairy black body to go with it.

At first, my mind refuses to accept the reality of what I’m seeing. It is a bear; it is most likely The Bear that I saw earlier in the day up in the tree. What the heck, am I Goldilocks, are there three bears in there. I scream at the top of my lungs and run the fasted I have ever run in my life to the manager’s office.

I am so overwrought and freaked out that once I arrive at the office. I throw open the door and yell at the top of my voice, “BEAR, BEAR, BEAR.  There’s a Bear in my bed in my tiny house.”

The Manger takes his time responding to me, or even looking up. “What, a bear? That’s highly unlikely Miss.”

I scream again, ‘There’s a bear in my bed in my tiny house.”

“Well, I’m sure your mistaken. But, let’s go have a look shall we.”

My heart is beating so hard it feels like it might explode. “OK, that’s my house there, the one with the door wide open and he’s sleeping on my bed.”

“Sleeping on your bed, oh surely you’re mistaken.” If looks could kill this guy would be dear. I’m so mad at him for not taking me seriously.

He is about to walk into the house when I grab his arm and say, “are you insane? He’ll kill you, he’s huge, and by that, I mean HUGE.” He laughs at me and steps in through the doorway. I step back and then I move about ten feet away from the door to the right. If and when this bear comes running out, I don’t want to be in his path.

And that is when I hear the manager screaming, and running in my direction, he is yelling, ‘RUN, RUN, RUN.’

And I run toward the office. The manager is directly behind me, for an old guy he can really move. “GET IN CLOSE THE DOOR. GET IN.” And then he locked the door behind us and we pushed his desk up against it. As we are looking out the door window, we see the bear ambling away, ever so slowly. He’s not in any kind of rush. He swings his huge head in our direction and gives us what looks like a big, toothy grin. And then he heads back towards the woods.

Meanwhile, we are both shaking and out of breath, “dear god, I’ve never been more frightened in my life, he could have killed me with a swipe of his gigantic paw. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”

“Maybe, I’m overreacting, but I believe that I need a vacation from this vacation. Between naked people swimming in the lake and bears sleeping in my little house, I think it’s time for me to go home.”

“Now miss, please reconsider, this is your first day, I’m sure it was just an aberration.”

“Nope, nope, I’m leaving and I’m sure you will give me a complete refund for this week considering what has happened here today, I’m sure you don’t want me to give you a bad review this early in the season.”

“Of course, no problem if you’re sure you won’t change your mind.”

“I’m sure, could you please walk me over to the tiny house so I can gather my belongings safely?”

“Yes, of course.”

He stuck his head out of the door and looked to the right and the left. No sign of the bear. “Looks like the coast is clear, let’s go.”

When we got back to my tiny house the door was all but torn off the hinges. We peeked in the door, and the bear was gone. “You first.” And he stepped into the room. The room looked like a cyclone had hit it. My clothes were strewn all over, the mattress was on the floor, as were the sheets, pillows, and quilt. “Good grief.”

“Ok, well, I’m just going to use the ladies’ room, gather all my belongings, could you please go back to the office and get my refund ready?”

“Yes, of course, I’m sorry this all happened. I hope in the future you might come again.”

I laughed and laughed. Then I went into the bathroom and took care of my business, gathered all my stuff, came back to the bedroom threw all my clothes in my suitcase. I took a good look around to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I put my stuff in the trunk of my car and drove it over to the manager’s office. He was waiting for me.

“Here’s a copy of the credit I applied to your credit card, I’m so sorry this happened. I can’t apologize too much. This sort of thing has never happened before.”

“Well, I say this for you. I have had a short but intense vacation. One that I will never forget. And I’m sure sometime in the distant future I’ll be able to laugh about this experience. But not today. Goodbye.

On the way home I thought, how will I ever top this vacation. And I headed back towards Route 9 and home.

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Dream Vacation – Day ONE-Glamping in Cape May

This is my first vacation in ten years. I have been counting the days for the last six months. Kind of like when I was a kid when I used to count the days until Christmas. As “The” Day comes closer my excitement and anticipation are so great I feel as if my head or my heart might explode.

Little House

I‘m having a difficult time deciding on a vacation location. There are so many to choose from, literally thousands. The last time I went on vacation was to Atlantic City. I had to attend a work convention there. So, it wasn’t strictly a vacation since I had to attend meetings five out of seven days that I was there. But the added benefit was that I could spend almost every evening in the Casinos.

The convention was being held at the Borgata Casino and Hotel. The first night I won $900.00 on the roulette wheel, unfortunately. I say unfortunately because I was hooked once I won that $900.00 And every chance I had I was spinning that wheel of fortune. And the only time I saw the ocean was when I took a tram or walked the boardwalk to the next casino. I didn’t even come home with even a hint of a tan. What I did come back to was an empty bank account and maxed out all t my credit card cash advances. It took me three years to pay down the debt.

I’m having a hard time deciding what to do and where to go. I only have a week off so it can’t be too far away and my budget limits me as well. And I want to do something totally out of my comfort zone. I finally decide to go camping in the woods by myself. I live in New Jersey and I’ve decided to camp in Cape May, which is the southernmost point of New Jersey. I found the perfect place to camp. The newest trend in camping is called glamping at a location not so cleverly named GLAMPING-CAMPING in Cape May.

Bear in a Tree

Glamping is camping only with creature comforts. Each brand-new Tent or little house features a queen-size bed and ceiling fans and an air conditioner or a heater if you go during the cold months. It’s not unlike a hotel room, each tent or house has a small refrigerator, coffee maker, and microwave. Outside, there is a small deck, grill, picnic table, and chairs.

I want to experience the great outdoors for sure, but let’s not get carried away. I hate mosquitoes, so I want no part of them. I’m not big on showering in a big room with strangers. So, I’ll be showering in a single shower that provides all the creature comforts like, soap, hot water, towels, mirrors, and toilets with privacy. I’m not much for letting it all hangout. If you catch my drift.

Anyway, I’m really jazzed about the whole trip, a change of scenery, the ocean, the beach, the ocean breeze, the sunrise over the ocean. I dig it all, can’t wait.  It’s going to be a blast. As long as there aren’t any horse flies or mosquitoes. I detest biting insects.

So, in ten days I’ll be there not only in my imagination but for reals, people, for reals.

Oh, I have to find someone to take care of my fish. I better put that down on my “to-do list” right now before I forget. I don’t want to come home to find my beautiful fish floating upside down. That would be a tragedy I might not survive intact.

Today is the day, I’m so excited I wasn’t able to sleep all last night. Everything is packed in the trunk of my car. I checked and rechecked my whole list. I don’t want any unpleasant surprises. As soon as I shower and get dressed, I’ll be on my way to Cape May.

Oh, that reminds me of something that happened to me one time when I went shopping at the craft store. When I got in line to pay the cashier, I heard someone singing really loud “On the way to Cape May, I fell in love with you.” As I got closer to the front of the line, I realized it was the cashier. She was singing,” On the way to Cape May, I fell in love with you”. She wasn’t humming it. She was singing it out loud with facial expressions, and swaying back and forth, and doing a little two-stepping too. It was weird, but somehow everyone that was in her line left smiling and in a better mood. The cashier seemed to be totally unaware that she was doing anything unusual.

In honor of that singing cashier, I sang, “On the Way to Cape May, I fell in love with you”, for a good hour. I’m really jazzed. I absolutely, positively know this is going to be an experience I’ll never forget. It is about an hour and a half drive from where I live to Cape May. All I see for miles and miles on Route 9 are trees and the occasional pick-up truck zooming by me at the speed of light.

According to my GPS,  Glamping Camping is only minutes away. Seven days of fresh air, sunshine, and solitude. Hiking, swimming, and canoeing at a lake within walking distance to the Tiny House I rented for the week.

And finally, here I am at Glamping Camping. I pull in through the front entrance and park outside of the main office. As I enter the office, I see a man in his mid-fifties standing behind the desk. “Hello, can I help you?”

“Yes, my name is Katherine O’Connor I have a reservation for a week in one of your tiny houses. I can’t tell you how much I have been looking forward to this vacation. I just know it’s going to give me a new lease on life. I haven’t had a vacation in ten years. I’m so looking forward to the quiet, the solitude, the fresh air, the water, the ocean. Just all of it. Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to go on and on.”

“No problem we have been looking forward to your arrival today, and you should find everything in the house that you need. My name is Bill Anderson, I’m the manager. Here is a pamphlet with a list and schedule of all the activities available at Glamping Camping. Here is some information regarding local food stores, pharmacies if needed, and directions to the Cape May area and all the activities available there. If you’ve never been there before you will be more than pleased, I know. Here’s your key to the house, if there are any problems just pick up the phone and call the office. Someone is here twenty-four seven.”

“Thank you, I look forward to a wonderful stay here. I think I’ll unload my car and take a walk around the grounds and maybe take a swim in the lake later this afternoon.”

I drive my car a short distance to the area where the tiny houses are located. I’ve seen pictures of them but I’ve never seen one in person. And it is tiny but more than enough room for me. The bed is queen size and there is a tiny bathroom with a sink, toilet and shower, and towel rack. The kitchen is in the same room it consists of a sink, two cabinets, and a microwave, and a small refrigerator.

I step out the front door and I see seating for two and a table with a sun umbrella. Around the back of the house, there is a barbeque. It looks clean as a whistle. I don’t see many people around they must be out enjoying the woods, or the lake, or maybe they drove to Cape May to eat lunch or go to the beach. I can’t wait to do the same. So far, I’m impressed.

I decide to get my suitcase and supplies and put them in the house and put on some more suitable clothing for a hike in the woods. It is such a beautiful day sunny and warm with a slight breeze, perfection really. After I put my things away, I look at the pamphlet to see the best area to start hiking within the camp.  I see it is only a short distance away. I put on sunscreen and spray myself with bug spray. One thing I know for sure if you’re going in the woods be prepared for biting insects.

I start walking down a path that has an arrow pointing to it. I walk for about fifteen minutes without meeting anyone along the way, but I can hear some voices in the distance. But I don’t see anyone. It’s absolutely wonderful here, quiet, except for the birds singing in the trees above me. And somewhere not too far away I hear water so there must be a stream or perhaps a lake nearby. I decide to head that way. Now I wish I had worn my bathing suit under my clothes.

I keep heading in the direction of the sound of water. I walk about another thirty minutes. The terrain is getting more challenging. I am getting a little out of breath. I realize that I can’t hear the water any longer. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the way. I feel a little nervous. I don’t have a great sense of direction.  I decide to turn back in the direction I came from before I really get lost.

I hike for another half hour or so, I’m really tired. I have to admit I’m out of shape. My job is sedentary. And I avoid the gym like the plague. But I do love to walk and hike whenever I can. I see a clearing ahead. I hope I find some fellow glampers. I know I must be headed in the right direction if other people are there.

Finally, I hear some noise up ahead and I run in that direction. I’m not sure why I’m running. And then I arrive and I still hear a kind of rustling noise. But I don’t see anyone. I do see a large lake and in the distance on the other side of the lake, I see some people paddling a canoe. I wave like crazy at them. They see me and wave back.

I hear the rustling noise again it seems to be coming from a tree up ahead. I can’t imagine what it could be. I don’t hear any talking. It sounds something like branches being moved. Maybe someone is gathering wood to start a campfire? I keep walking towards the sound. I’m now standing directly under the tree. I hear the noise. I step back to see if there is anything up there.

And low and behold there is a bear up in the tree. And I’m not talking teddy bears here, it is a giant bear at least a hundred and fifty pounds or more. I yell at the top of my lungs,” holy crap.” And then I clap my hands over my mouth the bear is now looking directly at me. Dear god, I think, my first vacation in then years I’m going to get mauled and eaten by a bear on my first day. I don’t know what I should do, run like hell, or slowly back away or wait and see if the bear is going to get down the tree and go on his merry way.

I decide to watch him for a minute or so and see if he is going to descend the tree. I stare up there until I start getting a crick in my neck. The bear is stretching out and making himself comfortable up there. I decide my best course of action is to back away quietly until I’m out of his range of sight. I back away and back away some more. I don’t see or hear the bear running after me. So, I start walking faster and faster until I am full out running and I don’t stop until I feel I left him far behind me.

I’m so exhausted I decide I need to rest for a few minutes. And I think, why oh why didn’t I bring some water with me. I keep moving forward, but every once in a while I turn and look back. And then I hear some voices ahead of me. I head toward the comforting sound of human voices.

Suddenly, I hear someone say, “Hey, was that you yelling a few minutes ago? Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m alright. I just had a somewhat disturbing experience that’s all.”

A man and woman in their late thirties walk toward me. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something, what happened?”

“Well, I was hiking and I got a little turned around and ended up near a big lake and there was a huge, absolutely huge black bear in the tree up ahead of me. I didn’t know what to do. The only wild animals I’ve seen before were squirrels and an occasional bunny. It was a shocking experience.”

“You saw a black bear, wow you are lucky. I had heard that there was an increasing number of bears in the area especially since it is Summer. What did you do?”

“Well, as you heard I screamed like a banshee first and then I calmed down and slowly backed away. The bear saw me but just continued to lie up in that tree. And I backed away slowly until I put some distance between us, and then I ran like a bat out of hell. I was terrified.”

The two of them laugh and then I laugh. “Well, all things considered, it was an exciting beginning to my vacation and it will be a great story to tell everyone when I get back home.”

“You’re right, it will be. All the same, I think I would avoid going back there in the near future you don’t want to test your luck. By the way, what’s your name? Our names are Joe and Freida Melony. We just got here today. We’re staying for the week. “

“My name is Katherine O’Connor. But everyone calls me Kathie. I’m here for the week too.”

“Well, Kathie O’Connor I’m glad to meet you. Why don’t you walk back with us, do you have any plans for dinner tonight? We were thinking of heading into Cape May and going out to dinner, would you like to join us?”

“You know I would like to join you that sounds like fun.”

“So, Kathie while we walk back to the campgrounds why don’t you tell us about yourself.”

“Really, well this is the first vacation I’ve taken in ten years. So, it looks like it’s taken off with a bang. I expect this vacation is going to be a whole lot of fun and unexpected surprises.”

“Yes, it does, doesn’t it? Continue while we walk, look out ahead the path is a little bumpy up ahead. Wouldn’t want you to take a fall.”

“Thanks, from now on I’ll keep my eyes wide open.”

PART 2- NEXT WEDNESDAY

 

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The Christmas Spirit

Christmas time is here again. At my age, it seems difficult to summon up the Christmas spirit.

Maple Shade, NJ Christmas 1960’s

But when I was a child, it was a different story. I remember the days leading up to Christmas seemed to go by at a snail’s pace. I would ask my mother every day, “How many more days until Christmas, Mom?

She answered, “One less than when you asked me yesterday. Now, why don’t you go find something to do and keep yourself busy.”

I know if I kept bugging her, she’s going to find something for me to do. “OK, Mom, I think I’ll take a walk. I’ll be back in a little while.”

I decided to walk downtown and look in the windows of the stores. We live in a little town in Southern New Jersey called Maple Shade. And all the stores are decorated for Christmas. We even have a Christmas parade. And Santa Clause takes a ride all over town in the fire truck. And he throws candy to all the kids that are lined up on the sidewalks. All my friends and I walked down the pike on Main Street to see it yesterday. We had such fun. It was really cold outside, so we all had our winter coats on and hats and gloves and snow boots. Because the day before yesterday, we got over a foot of snow.

As I walked down the street, I noticed that the repair shop had a TV in the window, and it was playing It’s A Wonderful Life with Jimmy Stewart. I’ve seen this story before, but all the same, I stand there and watch it for quite a while. I can’t hear the sound, of course, but I know most of the dialogue anyway since I’ve seen it so many times. I decided to walk down to the Five & Dime Store to look at all the cool toys in the window. I asked Santa for a Barbie doll. I hope I get one.

The Christmas Lights along Main Street are beautiful. Of course, they look better when it’s dark out. The volunteer firemen drove up and down Main Street in their Fire Trucks and put up the lights and the Christmas Wreaths with big red bows on them the week before Thanksgiving. I watched them. The Rexall Drug Store is next to the Five & Dime Store. They have a display with a train set riding around on the train tracks with little houses and churches and trees and tiny little people walking around. There is even a little dog in the front yard of one of the little houses. At least, I think it’s a dog, but it’s hard to tell because it is so little. Above the houses, Santa is flying through the air with his reindeer, including Rudolph with his red nose. There’s a little stream of smoke coming out of the smokestack of the train engine. I wish we had one of those going around our tree.

I walk down to the bakery and look in their window. There are so many delicious-looking cakes in the window. My stomach starts growling really loud. My mother says I have a sweet tooth. I’m not sure what that means. But I really do love candy and cake. I hope I get some candy canes in my Christmas stocking and some chocolate kisses with red and green foil wrapped around them. Oh, how I would love to have an éclair too. My mother is making a cake for Christmas. She is a really good baker. I hope she makes a vanilla cake with shredded coconut on it. I really do love coconut. Oh, I almost forgot that every Christmas, my mother makes a giant tin of Christmas cookies. She puts the cookie dough in a cookie press, squeezes out these cookies in all kinds of shapes, and puts different colored sprinkles on them. I always find where she hides the cookie tin in the cellar, and I eat a whole bunch of them before Christmas gets here.

As I’m walking down Main Street, I see a police car coming in my direction. The car pulls over, and I hear the policeman calling out my name and saying, “Merry Christmas, Susie.”

I walk over to the curb, and I see it is Mr. Lombardi, our next-door neighbor. He is a policeman in our town. “Merry Christmas, Officer Lombardi,” I scream at the top of my voice. And then he waves again and drives away.

I continue walking down the street, and I see a couple of kids from school. I hear them yelling, “hey Susie do you want to go and play behind the church?”

“Sure,” I say. When I caught up with them, I saw it was my friends Helen and Ann Marie.

“What were you up to, Susie?”

“Nothing, just walking downtown and looking in all the store windows. What do you guys want to do?’

“We were just going behind the church and seeing who is playing in the snow out there. Are you getting anything good for Christmas, Susie?”

“I don’t know what I’ll get, but I asked for a Barbie doll and some art supplies. How about you guys? What did you ask for Christmas?”

“I ask for two games, Operation and Twister. I love games, said Ann Marie. “

“I ask for an Easy-Bake oven. said, Helen.”

“Oh, that sounds like fun.”

We rounded the corner at Main Street and Fellowship Road, and I said, “Let’s have a race to the pump house behind the church. Ready, set, go.”

And we all ran as fast as we could. And at the last minute, I slipped on an icy spot and fell flat on my back. Ann Marie and Helen ran up to me and said all at once,” Are you alright?”

“Yes.” I manage to say, even though the wind really got knocked out of me.

“Ok, then I bet I can beat you to the pump house Helen yells.” And before I even got up from the icy sidewalk, they were running at top speed to the pump house. I scramble up and start running as fast as I can. I was just about to catch up with them when I heard them yelling, “We beat you; we beat you.”

All the same, I kept running, and before you knew it, I was scrambling up the side of the pump tower to the top along with them. There were a whole lot of kids from Our Lady of Perpetual Help school there and some of the public-school kids too. And they were climbing up hills of snow and sledding across the parking lot. We laughed hard, and the air was so cold I could hardly breathe. I don’t know how long I stayed out there. But I knew by the time I heard my mother yelling, “Susie, it’s time to come home. It was starting to get dark outside. What a day it was, what a day!

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LIFE IS SHORT, MAKE EACH DAY COUNT

Pitman Theater- Pitman, NJ Photo by Bob Culver

The man skipped, jumped, and ran for short distances as he made his way down the city street. He was on the main thoroughfare, but he could have been anywhere. He seemed to have no real destination in mind. But he was in an awful hurry to get there. Suddenly, he stopped cold and ran to the curb. An old bike was parked on the sidewalk. It was a vintage 1950’s red Schwinn Panther. A girl’s bike with a basket on the handlebars and a knee-action spring fork, whitewall tires, chrome-plated fenders, and a slightly rusty chrome-trimmed tank with a built-in horn that had an American Flag attached to it.

In addition to the Flag, the bike is covered with First Prize ribbons of every color and condition imaginable. It must have been a childhood collection of awards for spelling, penmanship, grammar, math, and art. They hung from every surface of the bike. It was quite a sight. He hopped on the bike with a grace that seemed impossible for a man his age. He had a gray scraggly beard down to his chest. His mustache was waxed and stood out four inches on either side of his rosy cheeks. His hair was long, and he wore it in two braids down his back. There was a tiny flag on each braid. The kind you saw years ago when you ordered a drink at a bar on the Fourth of July.

He continued down the street on the bike at breakneck speed. He started singing loudly. At first, it was difficult to understand because of his speed and his raspy voice. But once he got his momentum up, he sang in a deep baritone voice. He was singing The Fortunate Son by Credence Clearwater Revival. His voice grew louder, and stronger as he flew down the street on his two-wheeled chariot. He threw back his head and sang, “Some folks are born made to wave the flag. They’re red, white and blue. And when the band plays, Hail to the Chief, they point the cannon at you.”

Suddenly, a voice rang out,” Sam, what’s your hurry come on over here and let’s have breakfast. Sam pulled over to the curb with alacrity and skill. He put the kickstand down and said,” Long time no see you old goat.”

“Look who’s calling me an old goat, Walt. You look like you haven’t taken a good look in the mirror for about fifty years.”

“That sounds about right.”

“Well, so where’s this breakfast going to take place?”

“How about at The Sunny Side Up breakfast place down the street?”

“Can you believe it?

 I just found my bike after two days. Some kid must have grabbed it, drove downtown, and just ditched it.  I don’t know what I do without my Old Glory.

“I bet no one would recognize you without that old bike, Sam. It’s really a collector’s piece, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Walt, but it’s more than that. It’s my connection between the past and the present. That bike belonged to my wife when she was a little girl. God rest her soul.”

“Yes, Marie was a fantastic woman, I don’t know how you were so lucky to marry her, half the guys in town were in love with her.”

“We had a happy marriage I have no complaints other than she left me too soon. There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think of her.”

“So, Sam what have you been up to lately? I know you are always up to something?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I have been working pretty hard. I got a job repairing the organ in the theater. Well, I not just repairing it, I’m restoring it. You know the one that was used back in the day when Vaudeville used to come to the Pitman Theater. Did you know it’s a player piano as well?”

“No, I didn’t, Sam.”

“Well Walt, I just started working on it a couple of days ago. But I already found one of the problems. There were some letters hidden under the strings that were inhibiting the percussion of the instrument. The letters looked really old.  It’s possible they even predated the piano. I can’t figure out how they might have ended up where I found them. I believe they might have been deliberately placed there by someone.”

“You’re kidding me, Sam. I would love to take a look at them. Let’s talk about this when we’re eating breakfast.”

As they walked through the door of the Sunny Side Up restaurant, a bell chimed and Henry Decker the cook yelled out,” Sit anywhere you like, our waitress called out sick. I’ll be there in a few.”

“Hey, so what can I get you guys? What’s going on? It looks like you two both swallowed a canary or two.”

“Well, I’ll have the special, plus two biscuits and a black coffee straight up, thanks.”

“Hey, that sounds good to me, make that two. Henry.”

“Well, Sam here is about to tell me about some letters he found in the player piano that he’s repairing. I mean restoring for the theater. You know that old organ that was used back in the Vaudeville days.”

“You don’t say, what kind of letters?”

“To tell you the truth I’ve been so busy that I haven’t taken the time to look them over. But they’re all yellow. So, I know they’re old. I’ll let you know once I study them a bit.”

“Ok then Sam, do that. I’ll be back in a few minutes with your coffee, and then I’ll cook you up some fried eggs and ham, Sam. Get it, fried eggs and ham, Sam?”

“Yeah, ’cause I haven’t heard that a million times before. Get busy. And don’t give up your day job to be a comedian, Henry.”

“Sam, you have always been such a spoilsport, you were an old man before your time. I think you might have been born an old man. Lighten up already, won’t you? So, Sam tells me something about the history of the Theater and the organ.”

“Well, Walt, it’s really kind of interesting, I’d be happy to. The Broadway Theater opened up in 1926. Movies but also Vaudeville shows were shown. There were about one thousand seats. Some of the most famous acts and performers played there. Would you believe that Bob Hope and Bing Crosby, Abbot and Costello? Not to mention Jerry Lee Lewis and George Carlin. I really loved George Carlin. And a lot more, real stars.

“That’s really something, right here in our little town of Pitman. I guess people came from all over to see it.”

“I imagine they did. Wouldn’t that be something if we saw all those great performers back in the day.”

“I’ll tell you something, Walt, I really consider it an honor to be repairing that organ. It really is a thing of beauty. Stop by and I’ll show you what I’ve been doing, it’s not everybody that has the skill to work on a vintage organ like this one. And you can take a look at those letters I was telling you about.”

“Here ya go fellas, enjoy. I have to keep moving since I’m the staff today. Talk to you later.”

“Come on Walt, let’s go, that was a great meal. Times a wasting.”

As they walk down Main Street, they run into the editor of the town newspaper. She stops them on their way into the theater. “Hey, guys, what’s happening?”

“Hello Constance, I’m just going to show Walt the Kimball Organ that I’m restoring. Would you like to come along?”

“Sure, I have about a half-hour to kill before my next meeting with the Pitman Historical Society. We are trying to find ways of funding the repairs on the Grove Building, especially the old Methodist Meeting Hall.”

As they step into the main hall, they all stop and look around. Constance exclaims, “Wow, I’m always surprised when I come in here. It’s really something, isn’t it a grand place? Those chandeliers are just breathtaking. You know I really ought to do another pictorial about this place. It’s really coming together. It looks great.”

“Here it is. Oh, Constance, I was telling Walt that one of the reasons the organ wasn’t operating was that there were some old letters preventing the organ from working properly.”

“Really, Sam? Well, let’s have a look at it.”

The three gazed down at the organ. “Yep, just how I remember it. This will be a real centerpiece when you finished, Sam. You are doing a great job here. We all appreciate your time and talent. I bet there aren’t too many people left who would know how to work on this instrument.”

“Thanks, Constance, oh, here are those letters I was telling you about.”

Constance picks up the letters and begins scanning the top one. “What the? Hey, this sounds like a love letter. It’s signed, your Raymond. Let me see that envelope, Sam. What the… This is Raymond Goldstone Sr. Well, I’ll be dammed Raymond Goldstone, the magician. Wait, who is he writing to? Let me see the first page again. It says, Dear Madeleine. Do you know who that is?”

“No, not offhand I don’t, but I would guess it is someone that worked in the theater in the late 1920 and early 1930s. I bet you could find out Constance. Don’t you have copies of all the old newspapers from back then?”

“You’re right. We do. Let me see a couple more of the letters, Sam.”

“Sure, here you can take them. They might get lost in here with all the construction that is going on.”

“Sam, Walt, I  have an inspiration. We can publish these letters in The Pitman News and World Report once a month like a serial. People would eat this up, it would get more people from out of town to read and subscribe to the paper. And maybe even bring people to the Theater to see the scene of the crime so to speak. But I’m going to have to do a lot of research first. This is so exciting, I’m so happy I ran into you two days. I’m really psyched.”

“Hey, do you really think this will work, Constance?”

“You bet I do, and I think we could get this to go national. And then we’re talking big time. Pitman is really going to become famous. Raymond Goldstone, one of the world’s most talented and famous magicians in love with a hometown Pitman lady. I have to go and start doing some research. I’ll let you two know what I found out. Let’s meet again on Monday morning at Sunny Side Up for coffee and I’ll let you know what or if I found out who our mysterious Madeleine is.”

“Alright, great Sam, Walt, I’m excited about this. It could be the answer to our prayers.”

On Monday morning Sam and Walt are waiting patiently on the bench outside Sunny Side Up when they see her heading in their direction.

“Hey, guys, sorry I’m late. Something always happens at the last minute when I’m about to go out the door. Oh well, forget about all that. I have some news. I think I have a candidate for our mysterious Madeleine. And perhaps a picture of her. There was Madeleine Summers who was the costume designer for all the Vaudeville Shows back in the day. Apparently, she was the daughter of one of the founding fathers of Pitman. So, all of this must have been kept under wraps. Her family was very much involved in the Methodist Church.”

 

“You gotta be kidding me. Can you imagine the stink if anyone back then found out about her and Raymond? So, hand it over, I want to see the picture of this femme fatal.”

Wait a minute, and I want to see it too?” Sam chimes in.

Alright, Sam, you too, Walt, take a gander. I imagine she was considered quite the looker back in the day. Was she married?”

“Not that I could find any evidence of, I guess she would have been considered an Old Maid. Of course, people got married young back then. Usually, the man was quite a bit older than the bride.”

“Wow, Connie, she was a looker—the face of an angel. Well, I guess a fallen angel. But still quite a beauty. Those eyes are mesmerizing, indeed quite the looker. Do any of her family live in Pitman live here any longer?”

“Not that I can find any evidence of Walt which is good since we wouldn’t want any descendants causing any trouble. Well. I guess she didn’t have any children, or it would be in the census. At least none that I could find.

“From what I have been able to glean, the last family member was a sibling of Madeleine. One Matilda, who was a few years younger than Madeleine and she never married either. Which is a little weird, but nonetheless? Neither one ever married. So says the court documents I spent three days perusing. Oh, one more thing I found some pictures of Raymond doing his famous cutting a woman in half with a buzz saw. And it looks like she must have filled in a couple of times for his assistant. Take a gander at this.”

“Look at her. That costume must have caused a real stir back then. Weren’t most women still wearing wool bathing suits down to the knees back then?”

“No, I think by the early 1930, ’s Latex was invented, and women wore one-piece latex form-fitting bathing suits. But nothing like this outfit. Walt.”

“Hey, Walt, let me have a look already.”

“Take it easy, Sam, you don’t want to have a stroke or something. It might be more than you can take.”

“Woah, she was a looker, all right.”

“OK, you guys settle down. She passed away in the early 1970s. Apparently, never married. No kids, as I told you before. I don’t know what happened between them.  Or when it ended but I do know that Goldstone toured all over the country for a while and he did some spots on TV. He retired in the early 1950s. He was married and, of course, had a son named after him. Raymond Goldstone Jr., was a magician as well. I guess you could call it a family business.”

“Connie, is there any indication in the letters that his wife knew about what was going on between Harry Sr. and Madeleine?”

“No, Walt, not in any of the letters. But I did find out that Goldstone Sr. was married three times. So, I don’t know the timeline of these marriages. But back then, three times was not all that common. But if you are a famous magician and you travel all the time. Well, you get lonely. And women are sometimes attracted to famous and glamorous people. And a magician, you can expect many women would be flattered by his attention.”

“Well, Connie, what do you think about publishing one of the letters?”

“Walt, I think we could do that without revealing the names of the Blackstone and Madeleine. See if we get any response from the readers. Let me get one of the first letters, and you can publish it. See what happens. Here’s one that I think will get some attention and not too risqué.”

Dear Ray, I miss you so much. Each moment without you feels like an eternity. I feel like I have known you all my life. You understand me like no other person I’ve ever known. You brought such magic and light into my life. And without you, there is only darkness. I miss your magical touch. I miss your breath against my skin. I have never trusted anyone as I trust you with my heart, my soul. Every part of me yearns for you. Every minute of my life is a moment wasted without you in it. The distance between us might as well be the distance between the Earth and the sun. There is only a void where you once lie next to me. Please, my love, tell me when I can see you again. Where can we meet? Just say the word, and I will be there.  Love, Maddy.

“Walt, what do you think? How about you, Sam? Should I go ahead and print it? No names; maybe we could give some hints about the time and circumstances surrounding this affair. And let people guess their identities. What do you two think?”

“Go for it. Connie.”

“Yeah, as Walt says, go for it.”

“Connie, let me and Sam know what kind of feedback you have about the story. “

“Alright, I will, and if I have any news between now and our next meeting, I’ll contact you.”

“Great, Connie, we’ll see you next week, same place, same time. Take Care.”

“Bye Walt, bye Sam, see you soon.”

The following Friday night, Connie gives Walt a call. “Hello, Walt, this is Connie. I’m glad I caught you at home. I don’t know if you read the Pitman News and World Report this past week, but I published the article. And I included the love letter. And my phone hasn’t stopped ringing all week. You know what a sleepy town Pitman is? Well, get ready because things are going to get exciting really soon.”

“Exciting, in what way, Connie?”

“Walt, well, get this; one of the former residents of Pitman still gets the Pitman News, and World Report sent to her in the mail. And she has been living in New York City for the past five years. She happens to work on Fifth Avenue, and she is an actress. And she’s doing a play on 42nd Street. She knows a lot of famous people in the City.

“Yeah, so what?

“So, she contacted a writer for the New York Times that she dated for a while. And, he loved the story, and he’s going to be coming here to talk to guess who?”

“OK, Connie, I’ll bite. Who does he want to talk to?”

“Oh, Walt, us. What do you think? You, me, and Sam.”

“And if he likes what he hears and sees, the story could go national. And then, who knows what will happen? It could really put Pitman on the map. And our theater will really get some attention then. How about we meet for breakfast in the middle of the week? Say on Thursday and discuss any new possibilities. And Walt, we can then go with you to the theater and see how the renovations are coming along.”

 On Thursday morning at nine o’clock sharp, Sam arrives on his bike, and Walt pulls up to the curb in his 1957 mint condition Cherry-red Chevy Bel Air two-door hardtop. “Hey, guys and gals. I’m really enjoying getting out and eating breakfast with you two. Since I usually spend most of the day alone working in the theater on the piano.”

“Hello Sam, I must say I’m enjoying the break too. I rarely get to sit down and eat. I usually eat takeout on my way from one place to another. So, Sam, how are the renovations on the piano going anyway?”

“Connie, things are going along swimmingly. In fact, I will soon be finished. You were so wired about Raymond Goldstone and the woman. You haven’t asked about the player piano in a while. I have made some real headway. I believe I will have it back in working condition in a couple of weeks. It has been really challenging too. I don’t think I mentioned it before, but this piano is unique. It is actually a 3/8 Kimball theatre pipe organ. A unique instrument considering its size. Did you know there is a pipe organ blower room in the basement? I had to replace some of the pipes.”

 “That’s fantastic, Sam; I’m proud of you. Not too many people with your skills around anymore, pretty much a lost art.”

“Thanks, Connie, and I have enjoyed every minute of it. Hey, my stomach is growling.”

“Speaking of which, you two, I already ordered breakfast for the three of us. Since we always get the same thing. It should be ready in a moment or two. Let’s go in.

 “Connie, maybe you should get the newspaper’s photographer out to the theater and take some pictures of the theater and the player piano. It would be great publicity. And everyone should be informed of the great work our hometown boy here, Sam, has done.”

“You’re right, Walt, that’s a great idea. But do you really think there is a photographer on the Pitman News and World Report’s staff?”

“Isn’t there?”

“Oh, you got to be kidding me, Walt? I’m the writer and the editor and the publisher and the photographer. I run the whole thing from top to bottom.”

“You’re kidding, I didn’t realize that. You are a walking, talking dynamo. Aren’t you, Connie?”

“Yeah, Walt, that’s me, the human dynamo.”

“Oh wait, less talk and more eating; here comes our food. I’m starved.” Sam interjects.

“Well, that really hit the spot. Do you want to split the bill or what?”

“Sam, Connie, let me take care of this. And I think we should see how your piano is coming and the restoration of the theater. It might be possible that we’ll be holding a celebration in the theater. If everything goes the way, I hope it will. Let’s go.”

“I’ll take care of the tip, Sam and Walt. Let’s hit the road.”

 “So, here we are, times a waste. Well, Connie and Walt, do you notice anything different about the front of the Theater? No, well, why don’t you cross the other side of Broadway and take a look at the Marquee? Alright, do you see anything different from over there?”

“Wow, this is fantastic. It says, “Grand Reopening on May 18th.” Wait, isn’t that the day the Spring Craft Fair begins this year? What a great idea, at least 10,000 people come to the fair.”

“Yeah, that’s right, Walt, that was my idea because I knew the piano would be ready and the renovations will be completed this week. Can you believe it? Come on, let’s go in, and you can take a gander. I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

As they walk into the vestibule, Walt and Connie stand in awe staring at the chandeliers. The lights are sparkling through the crystals and sending rays of light on the ceiling and the walls. The plaster molding is intact and painted in the original colors.

“Sam, it really looks gorgeous. Is this new carpet on the floor?”

“Nope, we had a specialty company that cleans vintage rugs come in and clean all the carpets and made a few repairs. They really did an amazing job. And the best thing is that they didn’t charge anything because we are going to set up a table for them at the craft fair.

You know there are a lot of people here in Pitman living in Victorian Houses that have vintage carpets and can use their service. Plus, they are going to advertise in the newspaper and on the internet and use pictures of the Theater.”

“Well, what about the molding? It looks new?”

“Connie, I think I mentioned before they found the original molds in the basement of the theater. And we hired a plasterer in Mullica Hill to make molding from the original molds to replace the damaged ones. Don’t they look great?”

“Ok, so let’s go look inside the theater. I left the lights on so you would get the full effect of the Victorian lighting and the stage lit up around the piano and the orchestra pit.”

“Tada, kind of magical, isn’t it?”

“Yes, you can say that again Sam. It is absolutely magical. Just the effect we wanted it to have when it is shown to the public.”

“Alright, take a seat, and I’ll turn down the lights and turn on the piano. Close your eyes. I’ll tell you when I want you to look.”

Sam makes his way behind the stage and hits the lights on the orchestra pit, and then comes on stage and turns on the player piano. As Walt and Connie look about in awe, they hear. “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” soundtrack. And they start clapping. And then they see a movie screen descends, and There is Judy Garland singing her heart out.

“Oh, Sam, I am so impressed. The theater looks amazing. And Judy Garland up there on the screen, who could top her?”

“Here’s my baby, and the surprise is, she’s finished, completely restored to her grand self. Here’s a little background information just in case you don’t realize how awesome this piano is. First of all, it is a self-playing piano. It has a mechanism that operates and controls the piano with pre-recorded music on this perforated paper called rolls. And this beauty here is also a pipe organ. And as I mentioned before, there is a blower room in the basement. It’s now in excellent condition, and the piano had no vacuum leaks. I was able to contact The QRS Company out of Buffalo, New York, and I ordered all new rolls.”

“Congratulations, Sam, you have really surpassed our expectations.”

“Thanks, Connie it was challenging, and I’m proud of myself. I have already received two calls from prospective clients who would like me to see if I can get their player pianos in working order.”

“Oh Sam, let me get some pictures of you and this beautiful player piano that’s also a pipe organ. Why don’t you stand next to the piano? And that way, we get the piano in all of its beauty next to one of the few people who could have resurrected it. Wonderful, I have some great shots to choose from for the paper this week.

—–“Great job, Sam. I knew you had it in you. Let’s go take a look at the rest of the theater. And see how much progress has been made.”

“I have to make a stop in the ladies’ room, guys. I’ll meet you in the lobby in a few minutes. And then I have some news to tell you.”

“Sure, Connie, take your time; we’ll wait for you.”

“Thanks, guy. I won’t be long.”

Walt and Sam are walking around the lobby, looking at all the subtle changes that have occurred since the renovation began. “Oh, Walt, look over here at the snack counter. They found an original popcorn popper from the early 1920s and get this a cotton candy machine.”

“Oh, Sam, they are really awesome. They are going to blow people away and look at all that candy. Including some of my favorites, red hot dollars, candy buttons, watermelon slices, green leaves, licorice whips, and my very favorite sugar daddies. I feel a sugar rush just looking at all this candy.”

“Oh, hey guys, sorry to take so long. Well, it really looks great. Look at all that candy. You know, when I was a kid, I practically ruined my teeth with all the candy I ate. At Halloween, I used to go out Trick or Treating until ten o’clock at night. I had a pillowcase, and I would fill it to the top. Then the next day I would eat so much of it. I would feel sick.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“You can add my name to that list to Connie and Walt. I was a candyholic. So, what’s the big surprise, Connie?”

“OK, hold on, this is going to make the top of your head blow off. Ready…”

“Yeah, we’re ready. Tell us already, Connie.”

“Well, a few weeks back, I mentioned that I knew a guy who knew a guy who worked on the NY Times, and he wrote an article about what we are doing here in Pitman Theater. And he mentioned all the famous people that played in our little town. And guess what???”

“What already? What do you want a drum roll?” asked Walt.

“Couldn’t hurt Walt. Well, one of his readers is distantly related to our own Raymond Goldstone, and he has agreed to come to Pitman the day of the grand reopening, and he inherited all that remains of the Goldstone’s magic box, including the buzz saw. And get this, he is a magician, and he is willing to perform some of his magic in our own little Pitman Theater. That’s right here in person the day of the Grand Reopening and the Pitman Craft Show. Ta Da.”

“Holy Mackerel, this is absolutely awesome. This is going to put our town on the map.”

“Yeah, it will, and I am going to advertise this event from now until the Big Day—all thanks to our buddy here, Sam. Who has turned out to be quite the magician himself. Take a bow, buddy. You are our hero. Take a bow, Sam, you deserve it.”

And with that, Sam took a deep bow. His face is as red as a beet. He never felt this good in his whole life. His smile reaches from ear to ear. And the day of the Craft Fair, people come from far and wide and had to be bussed from all the small towns around Pitman. There isn’t a single parking spot left for miles. Over forty thousand people showed up. And it did indeed put the little town of Pitman on the map.