I arrived at that point in my life when I found myself reflecting on my life. Recently, I have considered what people influenced my development and personality the most. I believe my mother and my father certainly had the most influence on my personality and character development.

I grew up in the small town of Maple Shade, New Jersey. I spent the first twenty years of my life there. I had a fraternal twin, and three older sisters and one brother. There was an age gap between us. My oldest sister, Jeanie was thirteen years older, my brother was nineteen years older and my other two sisters are seven and eight years older than me. It was a busy household when I was younger, but over time, my older siblings grew up and married, moved to their own homes, and had families of their own. 

I believe that my father and my mother had the most influence on the person that I became over time. My mother was a deeply religious woman who attended Mass every day of her life and in the afternoon she spent at least an hour saying the rosary. My father was the authoratarian he set the rules for the family and worked hard every day of his life. But he also had his own life outside of being a father and a husband. My father liked to play the horses and play cards with his friends. He worked hard every day of his life and often held a second job to support our family.

My two older siblings attended public schools, but my twin and I attended Catholic School. So, Catholic schools and the Catholic Church had a great influence on our belief system.

Yes, to some degree, twelve years of Catholic School did influence my personality and my behavior to some extent when I was a child and adolescent. Still, once I graduated from high school and started working, I was exposed to people with different beliefs and experiences from those I had as a child. And over time the somewhat narrow beliefs of my childhood were overhadowed by working with different types of people some of whom had completely different beliefs. I do believe that having experienced twelve years of Catholic School influenced what I believed was right and what was wrong. But, over time although I had strong beliefs I became less narrow minded.

My parents were hardworking people their whole lives. And I never heard a single complaint from either one of them. My father grew up in an orphanage and because of his childhood he didn’t really learn how to express his love or emotions. He often grew angry, but he wasn’t one to come over and give any of us a big hug, nor did he ever tell me he loved me. And I believe I knew he loved me at some level but could not express it. Other than working hard and providing for all of our needs.

My mother also showed her love in her own way but wasn’t a hugger either. I remember going over my girlfriend Joan’s house and I often saw her being hugged by her mother. And it made me feel like my mother didn’t care about me. One day, I came home and told my mother, “I wish you were like Joan’s mother. She always hugs her and tells her she loves her.” My mother told me years later, that they was the most hurtful thing anyone ever said to her.” Life is hard. We all make mistakes as parents at times.

As children, we often learn through examples rather than words. Words can build a child up or knock them down. My parents taught us to work hard and do our best through their example. My mother taught me kindness through her actions and concern for my well-being. My mother worked hard all the days of her life, starting from her own childhood. When she was the only girl in a large family and her mother had Lew Gerigs disease and she had to feed and take care of her brothers and her mother. She didn’t really have the opportunity to have a childhood. I remember that she was given a beautiful doll with real hair that she could comb and style one Christmas. And every year her parents would take the doll to have it’s hair styled for Christmas. My mother cherished that doll since it was the only toy she had.

My father’s child hood experiences were even more difficult his father died when my father was quite young. And his mother had to support him, she wasn’t able to keep him at home and work, so she arranged for my father to live at Gerard College in Philadelphia until he was seventeen years old and could go to work. My father didn’t have any siblings. My father was highly intelligent, working all his life to care for our family. And yet, he still managed to have a personal life that for the most part we were unaware of while we were young. It wasn’t until I was older that I became aware of my father’s interest in horse racing, and gambliing. I have to say it didn’t have any negative effect on my childhood. But, I can not say that it didn’t affect my mother, who was often left to care for the children with very little assistance from my father. In addition, my mother did not have a social life outside of going to church every day and being part of the altar-rosary society at the Catholic church we attended. She rarely went out. My father always did the food shopping and made all the decisions, including buying kitchen curtains, the clothes on our backs, etc. As far as I know, my father never asked for her opinion.

I have often considered what kind of effect my father’s and mother’s relationship had upon myself and my siblings. I can only speak for myself in that I knew that I would never marry a man who didn’t allow me to have my thoughts and beliefs, who thought women should not be included in decision-making. I decided early on that when I grew up I would decide what I would do with my life and that no man, father or husband would be deciding anything for me. And I can truthfully say that is exactly how I have lived. I will be married fifty years in July, and I have always, always made my own choices. When I was twenty I moved out of my parents house and got an apartment alone. This had been unheard of in my family up until that time. Since, all of my older siblings got married and then moved out of my parents house.

I have lived in New Jeresey, Florida, and California and now live in North Carolina. We had two children who are grown now, and both are artists. I didn’t ask my parents if I could move out; I decided on my own and then just set about doing it. When my children were still young I decided to go to college, and in fact applied to three art schools in the Philadelphia and after preparing a portfolio I was accepted at all three schools. I was thirty-six at the time, I graduated at Temple Tyler School of Art when I was forty years old, the only adult student. I got a standing ovation when my name was called out. I graduated cum laude with a 4.0 average. My husband and children attended my graduation, along with two siblings.

When I graduated from school I realized after applying to all the public elementary schools in the area that art was no longer being funded and art teachers had no place to go. And so, after giving it much thought I discussed with my husband the possiblility of purchasing a larger house and opening up a private art classes for children and adultss. And we found such a house in Pitman, New Jersey. A neuropsychologist had previously owned it. But, had been empty for eight years. We purchased the house and spent twenty- four years living there. I taught children in the afternoon and adults at night for many years. I called it The Art Room.

I have found through my own experiences that I could accomplish many things once I set my mind to it. I know what I am able to do. I know my limits, and I don’t let anyone tell me what I can or can not do in my life.

At this point, I find that I have reached what may very well be the final years of my life. No one knows exactly when that will be, but I know I will continue learning and growing as long as I have breath in my life. I will create art and write short stories and who knows what. Maybe I will surprise myself with my next pursuit. I have been writing this blog Write On for eight years. I’m considering attempting to publish a book I have written. It is called GRIND.

In addition, I have been volunteering at an animal sanctuary “Animal Edventure” for the past eight years since I retired. We never know what opportunites life will present to us, but I know if I set my mind to it, I can and will suceed. I believe my parents would be proud of what I have accomplished in my life so far. And more important than the my accomplishment is the fact that I always strive to be a kind and decent person willing to lend a helping hand to anyone I can along the way. Because if we can not lend a helping hand to our fellow human beings what good are we. 

I believe I have a kind heart, as did my dear mother. My father was intelligent and set his own compass during his lifetime. He didn’t allow anyone to make decisions for him. And neither do I. Life goes by quickly, so do not waste a moment on it. It is up to us as individuals to create happiness in our own lives. And to do good along the way. We should all have a generous heart and nature. And do our best along the way. Keep an open mind and a loving heart. Be kind to all the creatures with whom we share our planet. And keep in mind that we are the caretakers of this beautiful planet we occupy. And remember to “First do no harm, not to other people, animals or our planet.”

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