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PROMISES MADE AND PROMISES BROKEN

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When I was seventeen just two months before my eighteenth birthday I found out I was pregnant. This happened about five weeks before my high school graduation. My boyfriend and I had just broken up because I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time we were dating.

I don’t know if finding out I was pregnant or the fact that Johnathan cheated on me was more devastating news. I spent my entire four years of high school studying and working and saving money so I would be able to attend Rutgers University. I excelled in all my classes and was the Valedictorian of my graduation class.

I realized my period was late but I procrastinated for way too long. I was in complete denial. I admit it. I went to the drug store and purchased a pregnancy test. I thought we had been so careful. But I admit I was in denial about the possibility that I might be pregnant and I waited two months before I took the test. I knew I was pregnant for sure when I started having morning sickness. I felt like my life was over and all my hard work was wasted.

After I took the test and it tested positive I called Johnathan and ask him to meet me outside the public library. He said, “what’s up? I don’t have much time I have to go to work this afternoon. ” I said, “you better meet me, I have some bad news.”

When I arrived at the library I saw Johnathan standing next to the big Willow tree and Anne Marie Gibson was standing next to him, she was holding his hand. I thought I might go out of my mind. I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. This was the last draw. There was no way I was going to have a baby, and give up my life and my future with someone that was cheating on me.

As I walked closer to the two of them Johnathan quickly dropped Anne Marie’s hand. His face turned red as a beet. I walked up to him and said,”what’s going on Johnathan?”

“Oh, Christine I’m sorry you found out this way. I was going to tell you and it just so happened that Anne Marie was at the library today and she saw me standing here waiting. She didn’t know that you were coming to meet you here.”

“I need to talk to you alone Johnathan. I have something to tell you.”

Johnathan said, “I’ll call you later Anne Marie.” Anne Marie totally ignored me and leaned in and kissed Johnathan. I felt so angry at him and myself. I thought I might explode. Anne Marie walked away and as she did she called out,”Johnathan call me later.”

I stared at Johnathan for a couple of minutes and said, “I thought you love me, I guess I was wrong. You are not the person I thought you were. I don’t want to talk to you again.”

“I thought you wanted to tell me something?”

“No, I don’t have anything to say to you, I don’t want to ever see or hear from you again. And then I turned and walked away. There was no way I was going to tell him I was pregnant. I knew I had some hard decisions to make. And I knew I was going to make them on my own. I never spoke to Johnathan again.

After much soul searching I decided that I was not going to have an abortion, but I was not ready to be a mother. Not by a long shot. I decided that I would have the baby and give him or her up for adoption. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life up until now.

I did tell my parents. They were disappointed in me. I was disappointed in myself. My parents helped me find a place to stay until the baby was born. It was just outside Rutgers University. I was able to take classes up until I went into labor. I was able to talk to several sets of potential parents while I was living there. And two days after I gave birth to a baby boy they came and took him home to his new home. Their names were Marie and Arthur Klein.

I never seen such happy people in my life. I feel like I was in shock from the whole experience. But I know I made the best decision for me and my little boy. I wasn’t ready to be a parent. I still had a lot of growing up to do myself. I hoped that sometime in the future I could meet him but that would be up to him and his new parents.

Two weeks later I began taking classes full-time at Rutgers. I put all of my energy into my education. I did not allow myself the time or the space to understand the full impact of having a baby and giving it to strangers to raise. I assured myself it was the best decision for me and the baby. And then I pushed it to the back of my mind and did not allow myself to think about it again.

My parents never came to see the baby after it was born and never brought the subject up again. It was always there between us like a brick wall but neither they nor I ever breached the subject. Looking back at it I realize that was a big mistake on all our parts. They had a grandson that they would never meet or know and I gave away my first child and never looked back. I never allowed myself to think about it, not for years and years.

As the years passed I became a lawyer and worked in criminal law and then I decided I wanted to make a greater impact on my life and started working within the Federal Government. And ultimately I ended up working as a Constitutional lawyer because I believed I would become a guardian of our Constitutional Rights as American Citizens.

The years went by quickly. My parents were preparing to retire and move to Florida. I told them it was somewhat of a mundane cliche to retire to Florida. But they insisted their dream was to have a home on the beach and spend their remaining days swimming, and fishing. In the end, they eventually bought a huge boat and decided to travel the world by sea. I saw them once or twice a year and one year when I was about forty- three years old they ask me to join them on a trip from Florida to the Virgin Islands.

Unfortunately, I had a problem as we encountered a rocky sea and I was seasick the whole trip. As a result, I spent about three days with them on the Islands and then decided I wasn’t up to going back to Florida by sea and flew home by air.

It was a small plane and there was only one other passenger a young man about thirty years old. The entire time I was on the plane I kept looking at him. He seemed so familiar to me. He reminded me of someone but I didn’t know who. Finally, we were about a half-hour from our destination I started a conversation with him. I ask him his name and he said, ” my name is Johnathan. “

I stared at him for a moment and I thought what a weird coincidence. “Really, I once knew a Johnathan a long time ago. When I was in high school. He was my first serious boyfriend. And that is when it hit me. He reminded me of my old high school boyfriend, Johnathan. In fact, you kind of resembles him somewhat although I haven’t seen him since my high school graduation which was long ago.”

“Really, well where are you from?”

“I’m from New Jersey, Johnathan. Where are you from? Well, I was born in New Jersey but later my family moved to New York. But I was adopted so I don’t really know too much about my birth family. I do know my biological father’s name was Johnathan and my parents decided to name me after him since without him I would have been born.”

I felt a chill run up and down my back. “That is a coincidence. Do you know your birth mother’s name?”

“Yes, her name was Christine, she was still in high school when she became pregnant and she decided to give me up since she didn’t feel she was ready to be a parent.”

At this point, I felt a little faint. It was too much to believe that sitting across from me on this little plane was my son, who I hadn’t seen since I was eighteen years old and a senior in high school. “Johnathan, you probably aren’t going to believe this, but you are describing me. My name is Christine, and my high school boyfriend’s name was Johnathan. And I gave up my son to be adopted by a wonderful couple whose name was Marie and Arthur Klein.”

Johnathan stared at me and then a big smile crossed his face. And he said, ” that is my parents’ names. You are my birth mother. I always knew I would meet you someday. And I wanted to thank you for making the decision to have me and give me to the most wonderful parents anyone could ever have. It must have been so hard for you to do that. Can I give you a hug?

By this time I was shaking and crying. I could not imagine how all of this took place. But I have never felt so blessed as I did that day when I met my son for the second time in my life. And it was the most wonderful experience I could imagine. We spent the rest of the trip telling each other about our lives. We hugged each other and promised we would stay in touch. And we have I speak to him several times a month and we are planning on taking a trip together, maybe a cruise.

You just never know what surprises will occur in your life. I could imagine anything better than meeting my son and getting to know him as an adult and being able to spend time with him. You never know what life is going to bring to you. You never know the challenges that will come your way. You just have to take one day at a time and do your best.

 

NIGHT SHIFT

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It’s been six years since I started working the night shift. It’s hard to remember just why I thought it would be a good idea to work from Midnight to the eight AM shift. I vaguely remember thinking I would have more free time and the pay was slightly higher than working nine to five.

Callowhill Depot, Philadelphia, Pa.

What I failed to consider is that I would be sleeping during the day. And the impact that would have on my life. Things like maintaining friendships with people that worked during the day. Not to mention I hope to get married and have children at some point. I suppose that’s still a possibility if I fall in love with a man that also works nightshift. But if we both worked the night shift and slept eight hours during the day having children together really doesn’t seem feasible. I guess the solution is that I or my husband would have to start working during the day like normal people. Of course, that would limit how much time we spent together as well.

The fact of the matter is that before I was hired at SEPTA, the job I had was tedious and boring. I was selling high-risk auto insurance. On the other hand, the customers that came into the office were often downright scary. These people were basically maniacs on wheels. I was making minimum wage and was still living at home with my parents. Because I couldn’t afford to move out. I couldn’t afford to do anything. I had to pay my parent’s rent, pay for the upkeep of my beater car, and insurance and gas. Which left me with pocket change.

On the other hand, in my previous job there was no climbing up the corporate ladder. There was no ladder. I was working at Ellis Insurance Company. We sold high-risk auto insurance. It was owned by two brothers, Harry and Evie Ellis. And there were only three employees. You were stuck in the same job. There wasn’t any upward mobility The other two girls that I met working there were nice and we became friends over time. I decided I need to make a change in my life.

A friend of mine told me that SEPTA was hiring but it was on the night shift. And I thought why not? Sounds interesting. What harm could it do to apply for the job and see what shakes out? And sure, enough a week after I sent my resume out, I got a call from HR at SEPTA for a job in the dispatcher’s office on the night shift. Of course, it was a job on the bottom rung of the corporate ladder.

Now I’m working at the Callowhill depot in West Philadelphia in the office that schedules the busses, trolleys, and drivers. I have to say I like working there. It keeps me on my toes, having to maintain the vehicle’s maintenance and scheduling the bus and trolley drivers. And as far as friendships go well, you’re going to almost instantly bond with your workmates because they are in the same boat as you are working the night shift. Unfortunately, no love matches, but plenty of friends. The routine doesn’t vary much from day to day but I feel at this point I am highly competent and confident in my ability to successfully perform my job.

About six weeks ago I arrived at work at 11: 45 PM. Just in time for the second shift to clock out and go home. “Hello everyone, how did your day go?” Helen who works the second shift in my position, as a dispatcher said, “no problems during our shift, but two drivers called out for the third shift. I contacted two drivers and they agreed to fill in. You’ll see the information on the log. Well, its’ been a long day. I’ll see you guys tomorrow before I clock out. I hope all goes well for you guys. Take care,”

“Bye Helen, I hope you have a good night, see you tomorrow.” Helen is a hard worker and always takes the time to say hello and wish us well. I’d like to get to know her but we have different days off and she has a family with four kids. I don’t know how she does it.

Two of the other people that work on my shift, Kathy a single woman, no kids, lives with her elderly mother, and Henry, a tall, gangly man in his early sixties yells out, “good evening, everyone, I hope you sneaked in a few Z’s today. For some reason, I had this feeling all day that something is going to go wrong on our shift tonight. You know I always thought I was a little psychic. But, my wife says, I’m a little crazy. So, it’s probably nothing. Oh, here’s Gertie. She is just a bundle of energy and so thin she disappears when she turns sideways. But believe it or not, she is strong as a horse.  She has been studying karate for years. And could probably take down a tank all on her own. But you would never know by looking at her. “Hi Gertie, how’s life treating you today?”

“Life is treating me just fine Henry. Anything new with you?”

“Well, I was just telling our friend here, that all day I kept thinking something bad was going to happen tonight, but I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably ate too much-fried chicken or something. But keep your eyes open anyway just in case.”

And then Kathy flew in the door. “Sorry to be late, but just at the last minute, I realize I left my purse and my lunch on the coffee table in my living room and I had to go back and get them. I hope that didn’t cause any problems.”

“No problems Kathy, sit down and take a deep breath and calm down, everything is fine so far.”

“What’s Henry talking about?”

“Oh nothing, you know Henry thinks he has some kind of psychic ability and can sense the future. It’s a bunch of bolognas if you ask me.”

The next hour is really busy as all the second shift drivers are returning with their busses and signing out and all the third shift drivers are clocking in. I wave at them as they walk by our office. Then I start checking the activity log to see if there are any problems that need to be addressed immediately. After that, I start checking tomorrow’s schedule to see if there are any conflicts or call-outs or buses that needed maintenance. The time really flies by. I check my watch and it’s already after 3 am. I decide to get a cup of coffee. Because right about this time every work night my energy starts to diminish. It’s always quiet in the depot this time of night. And we usually take turns taking breaks.

it’s Henry’s turn to take a break. He usually takes a walk around the depot and sometimes outside. But you really have to be careful in this neighborhood at night. You never know what’s going to happen. But it’s a beautiful night so who knows he might take a little late-night stroll.

Just when I was beginning to wonder what happen to Henry since he has been gone for about twenty-five minutes. Kathy, Gertie, and I hear a loud commotion out in the hall outside the depot office. I hear Gertie say,” what the hell is Henry doing out there anyway. Kathy responds,” I’ll go take a look maybe he slipped on the floor out there I noticed that it had just been waxed and was slippery when I came in. Some day one of us is going to break their necks.”

I go back to work and I hear Gertie quip, “oh yeah this place is a hotbed of activity like the morgue at three in the morning.”

Then I say, “Gertie, did anyone ever tell you have a weird sense of humor?”

“Weird no, not at all. I’m perfectly normal. And then she lets out a big guffaw. Her laugh is like a donkey neighing. “He haw, he haw, he haw.”

And then we hear shouting and something heavy falls to the floor. “What the hell, Gertie screams at the top of her apparently huge lungs. She scares me almost as much as what’s going on in the hallway. I whisper maybe we should call the police or the transit cops, somebody. Henry did say that he had a bad feeling about today, and he has always been right when he has his “psychic premonitions.”

“Oh, come on let’s all calm down,” I say.

“I’m going out to see if Henry is alright, one of you call the freaking police just in case.”

Kathy and I sit tight, and I decide maybe I should call the police, better safe than sorry. I’m about to pick up the phone when the doors to the depot office burst open and three huge guys that I’ve never seen before burst in with Henry and Gertie. Who are being dragged in kicking and screaming all the way. Their hands are tied behind them. Gertie’s eyes are practically bugging out of her head. Henry’s face is so red it looks like he might stroke out any minute. I hear a loud voice in my head keep repeating, why didn’t you call the police you idiot?

The biggest guy who looks like he could be a sumo wrestler yells, “you two go over next to the vault. Whoever knows the combination better open it up immediately or this old man is going to be breathing his last breath tonight and it will be your fault “

I start sweating like a pig. I’m afraid I’m going to pee my pants or pass out. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I walk towards the vault and starting keying in the combination. There is no way in hell I’m going to die because of money. Which can be replaced. No way. I open the huge door and then the Sumo wrestler says, “all of you get over there and don’t move and he points to the wall next to the safe. “My friend here is going to hold his gun at this guy here and if any of you try anything, anything at all I’m going to put a bullet in his head. Do you understand? We nod.

The youngest-looking robber goes into the vault with a large canvas bag and then we hear a whole lot of rustling coming from it. It is clear he is taking all the money that was put in there during the day shifts. Then he comes out dragging the heavy satchel. “OK, get rid of these jokers, and let’s go before the police show up the alarm must have gone off when we broke it.”

And that’s when they grabbed the rest of us and gagged us and tied our hands behind our backs and literally threw us in the big safe. I started hyperventilating immediately because I have a fear of small spaces. I think at some point I passed out because the next thing I knew there was a burly Philly cop standing over me and shaking me. “Hey wake up, you’re alright, wake up for god’s sake.” And then he slapped me across my face and I said, ok, ok stop hitting me. He just laughed.

When they took off Henry’s gag he immediately said, “I told you something bad was going to happen tonight.”

And that is when I said, “shut up Henry.” And I decided it was time for me to stop working on the night shift.

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