Well, the long-awaited day has finally, finally arrived. I had mixed feelings about retiring; I looked forward to having the freedom to sleep in late, dress as I pleased, and do what I wanted to do when I wanted to. I was no longer going to be a slave to my nine-to-five job. In fact, I was going to do whatever I wanted to with the rest of my life. The main problem was I didn’t really have any clue what I wanted to do.

But, the fact is today is my last day of work. It was the last day I had to climb that corporate ladder to the top. I had reached the top. And now I would collect my reward for all those years of hard work climbing up that corporate later.

I was somewhat concerned that I would be bored and lonely. I had been married once upon a time. But my spouse, Ellen, long ago grew tired of my absence from the dinner table. In fact, I was often gone for weeks or months at a time since my job required me to travel a great deal. I felt my generous corporate paycheck would more than compensate for my frequent absences. But alas, my wife, Ellen, disagreed. One night, when I arrived home from work quite late, around midnight, I was informed by a voicemail from Ellen that she had filed for divorce. And I could expect to be contacted by her divorce lawyer sooner rather than later.

At first, I thought it was some joke, but it wasn’t. And here I thought my wife and I would spend our retirement years taking cruises and traveling the world. Apparently, she had grown tired of waiting for me to have time for her. She found someone else, and it was her best friend, Which I have to admit was a real kick in the ass.

Well, live and let live, I thought. There wasn’t much I could do or say to change her mind. We never had kids, so I guess that was a good decision. I tried contacting her many times. Her lawyer informed me she had no desire to talk to me again, not now and not anytime in the future. It almost felt as if she had died suddenly, I never had the opportunity to say good bye. I have to admit I felt a big empty space in my heart where she used to live. But it was my own fault because I was a workaholic.

I tried to let go—I really did. I went to clubs with some of my office mates a couple of times. But I couldn’t imagine dating or loving anyone else. It didn’t matter how beautiful or intelligent they were; I couldn’t imagine having a relationship with anyone else. After about a year, I decided to stop dating anyone else. I decided that somehow, some way, I would win Ellen.

So, I began a campaign to win her back; I sent her long-stemmed red roses every week for several months. The florist informed me that every time they delivered flowers, they got a call that she didn’t want them. Or they would be arrested for trespassing on their private property. And the police would be informed that I was stalking her.

When the florist told me this, I laughed and said, “Stalking with long-stemmed red roses, that is totally ridiculous.” 

“I’m sorry Mr. Landers, we won’t’be able to deliver anything to that address again, we can’t afford to have the police at our door.” And then he hung up the phone. And that was the end of that. For the rest of the day, I tried to think of other ways to change her mind. I wrote her at least ten long, long letters begging her forgiveness.

I bought two tickets to a three-month cruise to the location of her choice. NADA sent me the tickets torn into shreds three days later. I sent a letter of contrition once a week for a month and begged her to forgive me, but there was no response. And then I got a telegram. I didn’t even know telegrams still existed. It said I never want to hear from you again, not now, not in the future, never. You are dead to me. I have a restraining order against you. If you contact me ever again, you will be arrested. In the end, do you understand, as far as you are concerned, “YOU ARE DEAD TO ME.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the end. There was no place to go but away. Far, far away from my “wife.” It was over and done with. For a while, I considered committing suicide. I thought of all kinds of ways to do it. This is all I thought about for a good month. And then one morning, I woke up and said to myself, “ Have you lost your freaking mind, stop all this nonsense and start over, find a new job, or move to a desert island, or travel the seven seas, or just stop feeling sorry for yourself and start over.”

And my dear friends, that is exactly what I decided to do. I gave my notice at work. I put my house up for sale, and I sold all the contents of my house. I decided to retire early. I had tons of money in my retirement investments since I had been working over time for decades. I decided that I would take a cruise. In fact, I am taking a cruise that will take me to forty countries in five months. By the end of that trip, I will have decided which country I want to live in for the rest of my life.

The first cruise I signed up for was a 116-night voyage around the world departing Rome. It would take me to fifty destinations across twenty countries and include seven, yes, seven overnight stays. I would see and experience everything from the Mediterranean and South America to the beautiful South Pacific and get this Australian and Asian.

I couldn’t believe my luck. The ship was fully booked when I first contacted them, but at almost the last minute, I received a call that there had been a cancellation if I was interested. “Hell, yes,” I screamed into the phone. I couldn’t believe my luck. I had to prepare quickly since the ship would stay for forty-eight hours. 

I ran around like a fool, getting packed and finding someone to come to my house while I was gone to care for my plants and parakeets. My wife had taken our dog. I couldn’t believe she was so cold-hearted. I loved that dog with all my heart. I decided that when I returned from my long cruise, I would adopt another dog. And nobody would ever be able to take him or her from me again. I missed that dog more than my former wife. Maybe that was one of the reasons she filed for divorce. She always complained,” You love that dog more than you love me.” She wasn’t wrong, I did.” My lawyer tried every trick in the book to get Andy (that’s my dog’s name.) back for me. But the judge disagreed.

Before I knew it, my trip was only two days away. I had hired a housesitter and a lawn care service. My next-door neighbor was going to pick up my mail for me. She’s a fantastic woman, but unfortunately, she’s old enough to be my mother.

The next thing I knew, the taxi came to drive me to the cruise ship. Then, it seemed like, in the blink of an eye, I was boarding the ship and unlocking the door to my room—a small cabin, not too small. Besides, most of my time on board would be spent having fun, drinking at all the different bars, singing, and dancing. And the best thing of all is a Casino. I have limited how much money I’m bringing with me. So I won’t get carried away. And I froze my accounts temporarily so I wouldn’t do anything too crazy.

I arrived in plenty of time to board the ship, and I couldn’t believe how big it was. It was really big, and I didn’t realize how big it was until I was standing next to it. Many people were milling around, waiting to get aboard, and an even larger crowd was there to see the passengers board the ship. It was almost overwhelming. People were laughing, crying, and waving at everyone they saw, whether they knew them or not.

After everyone, including the ship staff, boarded, we all went our separate ways to find our accommodations. My room was small, but not too small. The bathroom only had a shower, but I think I would survive with just a shower for the next couple of weeks that I would be on the ship. The first night I went to the dining area to eat dinner, I was a little late, and the only open seat I could find was a table with senior citizens, except for one woman who looked to be my age. At least, I think she was my age. She had a big sun hat on her head, which I thought was rather odd since we were in the dining room.

I took my time walking over to the table. There weren’t any waiters. It was a smorgasbord-type affair as tables were set up with different types of food, and you had to bring your plate to each table and help yourself. I filled my plate as much as possible since I hadn’t eaten since yesterday. And that was leftovers from the night before. I got carried away and brought back two large plates piled high. When I sat down, everyone at the table glanced at my plates. The woman with the big hat on started laughing, and then she pulled her straw hat down so I couldn’t really see her face.

I heard her laugh at one of our tablemates’ remarks, but I still couldn’t see her face clearly. But, she had a wonderful laugh, it sounded familiar. But I couldn’t place it. As I sat down and started eating, everyone was staring at me. Finally, the lady with the big hat took it off and said, “Well, it’s nice to see you haven’t lost your appetite completely, Bill. Bon Appetite.” I turned my head to get a better look at her, and I almost choked to death. The woman with the big hat was none other than my dear departed ex-wife Ellen. I stared at her and tried to swallow the food in my mouth. When I finally finished swallowing the food in my mouth, I said,” What in the world are you doing here, Ellen?”

“Well, I could ask you the same thing. It wasn’t planned. It’s a small world. You could move to another table if it’s that bad.”

“No, that’s not necessary. I lived with you for decades, so I guess I can tolerate one night in the ship’s dining room.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew it was a mistake. But, as usual, I opened my big mouth and stuck my big left foot into it. Ellen looked at me and said, “Yes, I guess one more time wouldn’t make that big a difference.”

For the next week and a half, Ellen and I kept running into one another. I began to think it wasn’t a coincidence, but it was deliberate. And it wasn’t Ellen stalking me; it was me stalking her. The last thing that happened was one evening. I was standing on the ship’s deck, looking over the side at the waves splashing on the deck. When suddenly, I heard someone come up behind me and say,” This reminds me so much of the first time you took me sailing on the ocean near Atlantic City. We had a great time that weekend. And come to think of it, we always had a great time together when we went out somewhere. The only time we fought was when we were home together.”

I stood there trying to decide what to say to her when she said, “You know, I always loved spending time with you. The problem was that you became so enmeshed with your job that you rarely came home until late at night after I went to bed. And I began to feel like you were avoiding me.”

“I wasn’t avoiding you, and I was working my ass off so you could have the big house, the new car, designer clothes. All those things you said you couldn’t live without.”
“I guess you are right, I did want those things. But what I wanted more was a house, kids, and you being at home spending time with our family.”

“Yes, not being able to have children was a difficult blow. But, you know, we could have adopted kids.”

“I guess it’s too late for all that, isn’t it?”
“No, Ellen I don’t thinks it’s too late, we could still have a family, the two of us, and perhaps older kids, not babies. What do you think?”

“ I think we have to see if we can have a stable life together and then consider adopting older kids. I still love you Ellen, I always will, what do you say?”

“ I say, let’s see how we get along during this cruise, and when we get back home, we start talking, really talking, not just sitting in the living room watching TV movies together. And by the way, I still love you and have missed you so much.”

For the final week of the cruise, they spent all their time together and did their best to listen, really listen to one another for the first time in years. By the time the cruise was over, they fell in love again, and they looked forward to all their tomorrows and a happy ending.

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