I have been looking for a new job for over a year, with no luck. Or should I say with no good luck? But plenty of bad luck. I quit my last job. Well, that’s not entirely true. My immediate supervisor strongly suggested that I quit because he had every intention of firing me. There was a difference of opinions on why I quit or why my supervisor wanted to fire me, depending on the point of view.

He stated that I wasn’t a team player. And that’s true to a point; I prefer working independently. But I’m quite capable of working in concert with a team. I have difficulty taking direction from someone whom I consider to be less intelligent, less experienced, and a kiss-ass.

But give me a task, and I promise you it will be completed on time and might I say, impeccably. I do ask that people that work with me on a team or in my department have high standards. But most of all, I will not tolerate any kind of funny business.

What kind of funny business, you ask? That is an excellent question. Number one is to keep your hands to yourself. Secondly, do not ask personal questions. And most importantly, know that if I find out that you or any member of the team do anything that even the slightest bit illegal, immoral, I will promptly tell management and or call in the police if necessary. I have very high standards and will not tolerate any breach of professional ethics or the law.

Oh, you need to hear more details about what happened exactly? Of course, if you think it’s necessary. I will explain the events that led to my current unemployment and job search.

As with all things in life, it began with something small but didn’t end there. I bring my lunch to work every day. And a thermos of hot coffee large enough to last all day. It’s a special blend.  I purchase it from an exclusive shop in Marlton, NJ.  It’s called Jamaican Blue Mountain Coffee. It cost $50.00 a pound. It’s my one big self-indulgence. It has a wonderful flavor with absolutely no bitter aftertaste. Because the coffee beans are subject to many rainfalls in Jamaica while they grow, it’s amazing and worth every penny. I can’t describe how delicious it is and how much I look forward to drinking every last drop of it during my workday.

It all began one inauspicious day a year ago. I arrived at work one-half hour early as usual. I consider that thirty minutes to be my time to do whatever I wish. And I want to spend it reading the news and my emails. And drinking my first cup of Blue. That’s how I refer to my coffee, Blue.

I was the first person to arrive as usual. I made myself as comfortable as possible at my desk chair and powered up my computer. As I waited, I opened my thermos and inhale the rich aroma of Blue. I feel a sense of deep contentment. Ah, I think it’s all worth it just to feel the sense of anticipation before I take this first sip of the day.

And then that perfect moment is shattered when I hear my boss’s shrill voice calling out my name. “Rachael, is that you? Could you please come to my office right now? I have something that needs to be taken care of immediately.”

It takes every ounce of self-control not to shout, “hell no, this is my time.”

I carefully place my coffee on my desk and take the last whiff of that aroma. I step back from my desk and walk toward my boss’ office.

“Hello, Mr. Cummings. I didn’t know you were here. It’s early, and I was just about…

“Yes, yes, I know it’s early. I need you to get started on the Murdock issue right away. It has to be finished by day’s end. Even if you have to work through your lunch and breaks. Do you understand?”

“Understand? Of course. But I was just about to drink my morning coffee. And then I’ll get started.”

“What don’t you grasp about the urgency of completing this project TODAY, ASAP? As in now, not later. Get busy if you want to keep your job. Close the door on the way out.”

As I walk over to my desk, I have a sense of not being entirely in my body. I have a feeling that I’m somehow floating. And then I realize that I’m irate. And every time I’m about to lose my temper completely, I have this weird out-of-body experience.

I try to take several long breaths. It doesn’t help. I go to the ladies’ room and take a look in the mirror. I hardly recognize myself. My face is red, and I’m gritting my teeth. I try breathing in and out of my nose. I feel lightheaded. Maybe, I‘m having a stroke or something. I step into the cubicle and sit on the closed toilet. I try to calm down. I go back to my desk.

All I need to do right now is have my morning coffee. Is that too much to ask? No, it is not. This is my time, goddammit. I pick up my coffee, and I take a small sip. And I taste not pipping hot but cold coffee. I slam the cup down and say out loud.” What the fuck?”

I’m startled by the sound of my voice.  I have never cursed at any place of employment. My hand flies up and covers my mouth of its own volition. I’m shocked. I’m suddenly terrified of what I may do next. I don’t recognize myself at this moment.

I feel a sudden impulse to run out of the office and get in my car and drive far, far away.

I contemplate it for a moment. And then I plop down in my chair and try to get control over my emotions. What’s happening to me? And then it occurs to me that I should go to my boss’s office and tell him that I most certainly will drink my coffee and take my breaks. And he can not legally force me to do otherwise.

I stand up so suddenly I almost fall over. Then I plop down in my chair again.

I consider the possible outcomes of such a bold move. I could be fired outright. I could be demoted. It took me five years to work my way up the corporate tight rope, and I don’t want to start over somewhere else. Dammit. I’m screwed.

At that moment, I have a flash of insight. I will nonchalantly walk into my boss’ office and offer him a fresh cup of Blue. He will, of course, love it. I mean, who wouldn’t. I won’t tell him the Brand of coffee. No matter how he begs. And then he will want more, and I will be his only connection. He will be at my mercy. And so, I begin.

I go into the employee luncheon area, and I find the best coffee cup in the cupboard. I will pour him a cup of my ambrosia, and he will be instantly hooked.

I wash and dry the cup, which is emblazoned with the epitaph, And So It Begins.   What could be more perfect than this? I take it to my desk and generously fill the cup almost to the top. It is painful to watch, for I know every drop I pour into this cup will not be one that I can drink today. I shudder at the thought. A tear slides down my cheek.

But it must be done. It is a significant sacrifice. But in the end, it will be worth it. I tiptoe to my boss’s office.  He is studying his flat screen. His face is expressionless. I clear my throat. “Excuse me, Mr. Reynolds.”

He doesn’t reply, I repeat a bit louder, “Excuse me, Mr. Reynolds.”

He looks up, and he looks at me as if he doesn’t recognize my face. There is a slight pause, and he says, Miss Hartman? Problem?”

“No, sir, I just thought you might like a cup of coffee to start the day.”

“Coffee, why that would be great. That’s thoughtful of you.”

As Rachael turns to leave her boss’s office, a sly smile appears on her face. She realizes she will soon have Mr. Cummings under her thumb.

Rachael knocks on his door, and he says, “Come.” For some reason, Rachael is enraged by this response. She rearranges her expression to appear benign.

“Here you go, sir, enjoy. I think you will find this more than satisfactory. This is a special blend. I don’t believe you will find it anywhere in this part of the country. Let’s say it is my little secret.”

Mr. Cummings sits back in his chair and smells the coffee.  He is pleasantly surprised by the deep, rich aroma. He takes a small sip. His eyes open wide. He takes a second sip. And before you know it. He has drunk the entire cup of coffee.

“Rachael, can you come in here, please?”

Rachael is just getting into her work mode and is annoyed because it was interrupted. But she isn’t surprised. She expects no less. She knows Mr. Cummings would want more. But he isn’t going to get it today or any day soon. She would soon have him beg for more. And that will be all she wrote when that happens.

“I’m sorry if I was short with you earlier. I’m under the gun with this Murdock deal. I really need your help to get this completed before the deadline. I realize that you come in early, but I would appreciate your input and assistance. Oh, if I can have some more of that coffee, that would be awesome. Where did you buy it?”

“Oh well, that is a special blend that I get by mail order. It isn’t available anywhere around here. I only have a thermos with me. It’s quite expensive, and I can’t afford to buy it more than once a month.”

“Oh really, well, perhaps we can discuss an increase in pay after we get this Murdock deal completed.”

“Well, sir, maybe just this once. And if we get this package completed early, I would like to leave an hour early.”

Rachael sits at her desk and types the final entry into the Murdock presentation. She’s quite sure this is the best work she has done. A small smile lights up her face and then disappears as quickly as it appeared. She rechecks all the collated copies and heads towards Mr. Cumming’s office, and knocks on his office door.

“Mr. Cummings, I’ve completed the package for the Murdock presentation. I think you will find everything in order. And since I’ll be leaving early, I brought you the last cup.”

After looking over the file, Mr. Cummings calls Rachael into the office. “Well done, excellent work. And that coffee hit the spot. It really is invigorating, isn’t it?

“See you tomorrow.”

Rachael straightens up her desk and locks the desk drawer, and heads out of the office. Nods to several of her office mates. And then takes the elevator down to the lobby and walks across the street to the company parking lot.

She unlocks her car and puts on her seat belt, and pulls out onto Fairmount Drive. The next thing she knows, she’s pulling into her driveway. She realizes that she must have been driving on autopilot the whole time. She shakes her head from left to right. She tries to remember what she had been thinking of the whole time.

And then it comes to her. She had been considering the next step in her plan to move up the corporate ladder and out of her assistant position. She knows damn well she’s as smart as her boss and most of the higher-ups in her company.

The next morning Rachael gently pours Blue into her thermos, being careful not to bruise it. She turns on her computer and looks through her feed. Nothing interesting yet. And then she hears someone walking towards her. And then senses someone standing behind her. He clears his throat. She turns her head slightly and looks down at his shoes. Yes, it’s her boss. He is wearing his favorite Fioravanti Suit and Ferragamo shoes. Because of the board meeting today.

“Rachael, I want to once again thank you for your hard work on the Murdock Project. As I said, if all goes well, I expect there will be a bonus in there for you in the near future. By the way, would it be possible for you to share a cup of that magnificent ambrosia you gave me yesterday? I was up quite late, and I could really use a little boost, if you know what I mean.”

“Boost, sir?” Oh, but I explained to you how expensive it is and that I have to send away for it.”

“Oh, come on, one cup, that’s not too much to ask, Rachael, is it? Is there nothing I can do to persuade you?”

It feels as if a light has literally been turned on in her head. She turns her face slightly to hide the sly smile on her face. She takes a deep breath and says,” Well, sir, here’s the deal. If you recommend me for the open position in the New Acquisitions Division, then I will not only share my unique blend with you. I will make sure that every day you can have as much of it as often as you want it. “

“Well, I don’t know, Rachael, that’s an awful lot to ask in return for a mere cup of coffee, isn’t it?”

“Well, sir, if that’s how you see it. I guess there’s no point in discussing it any further. You know that I have been working at this company for well over ten years. And I know this business backward and forward. This company is my life. I have proven my value here.”

“Rachael, let’s talk about this further after my meeting, shall we?”

“No, sir, let’s decide now. I’m sure that I can find a position at Farrington and Sons. In fact, Mr. Farrington Sr. offered me such a position a week ago.”

“What? He is trying to steal away one of my best employees behind my back.”

“Well, that is not how I see it. He recognizes quality when he sees it. It’s up to you. You only have about five minutes before your meeting. What do you say?”

“Alright, Rachael, you have me over a barrel. Can you please get me that coffee now?”

“So, we have a deal?”

“Yes, yes, we do.”

“Good, I’ll get that coffee for you right now.”

After the meeting, Mr. Cummings walks nonchalantly into his office with the head of personnel and makes a call, and then he calls Rachael into his office.”

“Rachael, can you come here for a moment, please?”

Rachael jumps up from her desk chair so quickly that her chair falls backward onto the floor. She feels like she is floating across the room, and she knocks lightly on the door.”

“Come in, Rachael. As you can see, I have Mr. Hartley here from personnel. He has something to say to you.”

Rachael is absolutely convinced that she is about to her dream job. She holds her breath waiting to hear the good news. She is about to get everything she deserves for her years of hard work and achievement.

“Hello, Ms. Daniels, please have a seat. I have something to tell you.”

Rachael sat down and looks up expectantly. She had pictured this moment so many times. And now, here it is about to happen. “Yes, go ahead.”

“Ms. Daniels, I regret that I have to inform you that you are no longer going to be employed here at Megger. Your services will no longer be needed. You will be getting severance pay for two weeks. Right now, you are going to be escorted to your desk to collect your personal belongings. And then you will be taken to the front door. I will be collecting any keys or items belonging to the company when we get to your desk.”

Rachael almost passed out from the sheer shock at the unexpected and devastating turn of events. She makes a quick turn around and walks slowly to her desk. She is feeling as if not only her job will be terminated but that her life is being terminated.

“Alright, Ms. Daniels, let’s go through your desk, and you hand me the items such as keys and code lists. By the way, all the passwords on your computer will be wiped and changed. So, you will not be able to access this computer or any other computer you have had access to during your time here. Here is a list of items I will expect you to turn over to me now.”

Rachael puts her hand out, and the list is given to her but drifts to the ground. It almost feels like she’s having a waking nightmare. She leans down and picks up the list, and starts collecting all the items. She hands them over. “Please, can you tell me what I have done? I believe it is illegal to terminate someone’s job by providing the said employee with a reason?”

“Well, Ms. Daniels, it so happens that your boss records all his conversations in his office to avoid any possible accusations of impropriety. And we heard a conversation that sounded very much like blackmail. You demanded a promotion from your boss.”

“Demanded, no, I merely stated that I had worked many years and that I’m an excellent employee who deserves a promotion and salary increase. That’s all.”

“You also threatened your immediate supervisor to cut off the supply of his coffee and wouldn’t tell him where you purchased it. And wouldn’t give him anymore unless your demands were met. Is that right?”

“Well yes, I suppose you could say that. But it was just coffee, not drugs, nothing illegal: coffee, a good cup of coffee. Please, I need this job. It’s my life.”

“Sorry, Ms. Daniels you should have considered that before your attempt at blackmail?”

As he’s saying this, the head of personnel starts guiding her to the back entrance. He says, “goodbye.” I hope you learned a lesson here. Most companies will not tolerate this type of Funny Business. Goodbye. Ms. Daniels, good luck.”

As Rachael was given a gentle shove out the door, she yells, “but wait, it was just COFFEE.”

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