Most people are blessed with the ability to lie their heads down on their pillow at night and fall fast asleep. Unfortunately, I can’t count myself as one of those people. As far back as I can remember I have struggled with the inability to fall asleep in a timely manner or stay asleep once I was lucky enough to nod off.

I have tried all the home remedies over the years warm milk, counting sheep, taking a hot bath, relaxing my muscles one at a time from my toes to my head. You would think the sheer boredom of doing all of these monotonous things would put me to sleep. But no, I was wide-awake and bored. I went through a period of doing as many physically challenging chores as I could do during the day, hoping that sheer physical exhaustion would do the job, but no, no it didn’t.

But then along came Ambien. I had tried over-the-counter sleeping aids. They had no effect on me whatsoever. Ambien came along at just the right time for me. I had recently started having symptoms of menopause. And by that, I mean hot flashes. I had them during the day too. All I had to do was think about something hot, and voila a hot flash would hit me like someone opening the oven door in my face. I would break out in a sweat from head to toe. Couldn’t eat spicy foods anymore, either.

But the hot flashes at night were the worst. I would finally fall asleep after two or three hours of tossing and turning. And then voila a hot flash would wash over my entire body like a heatwave on a hot and humid day in August. I would suddenly wake up, and throw off the sheet and start fanning myself. As a last resort, I would get up, go to the bathroom and pat myself down with a cold washcloth. Then I would go back to bed on top of the covers and put an electric fan on my side table and point it in my direction. This could be in the dead of winter. So, then I was wide awake and sweaty.

I was finally desperate enough that I made an appointment to go to my general practitioner. I absolutely hate going to doctors. I have to be half-dead before I go there. That’s how desperate I was to get some sleep. On the day of my doctor’s appointment, I hadn’t slept in four days. I was like a zombie. I found myself staring off into space, repeating myself, forgetting what I was doing in the middle of a task. Unable to concentrate on anything I was doing. A couple of times I nodded off momentarily while I was driving. That was scary and that was the reason I finally called Dr. Carlyle’s office and made an appointment. They had a cancellation and ask if I could be there in one hour. And I said, hell, yes.

As I sat in the exam room waiting for my doctor to come in I thought of all the reasons I could give him why he absolutely needed to take sleeping pills. I was at my wit’s end, tired, cranky, losing my mind, really.

Dr. Carlyle walk through the door and said, “hello Alex how are you, my it looks like you haven’t been in to see us for a long time. Let’s see it’s been over three and a half years. That’s not good, you should come in for a regular check-up at least once a year. Are you having any problems you would like to discuss?”

“Well, yes there is one problem I have and I have to admit I getting desperate.”

“Desperate, well I don’t like to hear that. What is the nature of the problem?”

“Dr, Carlyle, I can’t sleep. I have great difficulty falling asleep. Sometimes it takes hours while I lie there obsessing about things that have happened during the day. Or some offhand comment someone made to me that upset me for some reason or another. If I’m lucky I’ll fall asleep for an hour or two and then I wake up and I can’t fall asleep again. Or I go to sleep and wake up three or four times.

“Well, let’s take a look at you. I see your weight is alright, your blood pressure is a little low, no temperature. How is your appetite? Do you eat healthy foods? Any family problems or financial issues that might be keeping you awake?”

“No, not really, nothing new anyways. I’m a vegetarian, so I eat a healthy diet. I don’t drink anything with caffeine. I don’t eat sweets. I don’t drink alcohol. No real family issues just the day-to-day stuff. I love my job. So, I’ve always had this problem. It’s not new. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t have trouble going to sleep even when I was a kid.”

“Really, well that’s unusual. I think we should do blood tests if nothing comes back that is out of order, I’m going to put you on a new sleeping medication called Ambien. It has been shown to be helpful for people with long-term insomnia. And so far, there haven’t been any reports of harmful side effects. We’ll start you off on a low dose and then increase it if doesn’t seem strong enough.”

“Oh, that would be fantastic, I would feel better and function better if I was able to sleep at night as most normal people do. When can I start taking it?”

“Well, it will take a couple of days for the lab to come back with the results of your blood work. I’ll have my nurse call the prescription into your pharmacy. So in a few days and you will begin feeling like a new woman.”

“Thank you doctor, so, so much. This will give me a new lease on life.”

“Alright, then Alex give my office a call in a week or two and let me know how you are feeling. I’m positive you will be right as rain in the very near future. If you encounter any problems please feel free to let me know. Take care, now, you can check out now.”

Three days later I received a call from Rite Aid to tell me my prescription was ready to be picked up. And I threw my jacket on over my pajamas and shoved my feet into my shoes and grabbed my purse and was on my way. I fairly flew down the road to the pharmacy.

As I entered Rite Aid, I ran into my neighbor Sherry and she said.” Hello, Alex so nice to see you. Are you feeling alright?”

“Feeling alright, why do you say that?”

“Well, your face is flushed and I couldn’t help but notice that you are wearing your pajamas.”

“Pajamas?” Then I look down at my legs and notice I‘m still wearing my pajamas. “Oh, how silly, I completely forgot I was still wearing my pajamas. I ran out the door so fast. Well, take care. I’ll talk to you later.”

I practically knock her down in my hurry to get past her and get to the pharmacist. I didn’t even look back at her to see if she is alright. I never liked her that much anyway, she has always been such a busy body. I zigzag my way through the people in the store and notice that there are two people ahead of me at the pharmacy counter. Damn, I scream inside my head, damn.

Ten minutes later I have my prescription in my hot little hands and run through the store and out the door to my car. Which I apparently left running, doors unlocked and the driver’s door wide open. I realize I need to calm down before having some kind of stroke or seizure. I’m so wound up and exhausted.

When I arrive home, I sit in my car for a few moments to collect myself. And then I start thinking, why did I rush to the pharmacy like that. I can’t take the pill until tonight before I want to go to bed. I decide I’m going to spend the day listening to music and doing things that will calm me down. Perhaps I’ll read for a while. That always has a calming effect on me.

At 8:30 pm I decide to take a hot bubble bath and get ready for bed. I’m still a little hyper but after my bath, I should feel a lot better. I take one Ambien out of the prescription bottle and down it with a little water from the sink tap. After that, I bring a cup of Sleepy Time herbal tea with me into the bathroom and close the blinds and the bathroom door. I lit two candles that I keep by the tub and slip into the hot soapy water.

The next thing I realize is that I feel like I’m drowning. I think it must be a dream. And then I realize I’m still in the tub and my head has slipped under the water. I pull myself up and spit the water out of my mouth and blow my nose on a washcloth. “Holy Crap, this stuff really works,” I shout to no one in particular. I drag my body out of the now cold water and look at the clock I keep on the bathroom counter. I have been in the tub for an hour. I had fallen fast asleep. I hope I will be able to fall asleep again once I get out of the tub and back into my pajamas and into my bed.

I wake up and look over at the clock and it is seven-thirty in the morning. I feel pretty good, a little bit fuzzy-headed. As I get out of bed, I realize I don’t have any pajamas on. I know I had them on when I went to bed. Huh, that’s weird. I walk towards my bathroom and then I notice the tub is filled with water. I look in the mirror and I notice my hair is sticking out in every direction and it feels damp. I think about it and then out of the depths of my memory, I vaguely remember taking a bath. But that’s about it. I don’t give it a second thought.

I have a productive day. I work from home most days, occasionally I have to go to my work office for meetings. I’m an accountant. Not a glamorous job, but I make a decent living. And for the most part, I can avoid interacting with humans. I’m not what you would call a social person. I eat dinner at 5:30 as usual and then I wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen. I plan on watching a movie tonight. Just as I got comfortable in my chair in the living room the phone rings I look at the caller ID and it’s Thurmond Brown. He’s one of my customers. But it was after my work hours and I have no intention of talking to him tonight. I met him one time at my work office and within the first five minutes, he hit on me. Now, I keep my distance.

I get in my pajamas bring some cookies and a cup of hot tea into the living room and start watching When Harry Met Sally, I know that is a sentimental, unrealistic movie. But, I’m just a succor for a good romance movie. Although in my own life I’m a complete skeptic. About a half-hour before the movie ends, I take my Ambien. And that’s the last thing I remember until I hear my alarm go off and I wake up. My head feels a little off again, but still, nothing to worry about. When I walk into the kitchen to make some coffee and the kitchen looks like a food fight has taken place there. And there are two half-empty wine glasses sitting on the counter amongst what looks like the remains of a chocolate cake with bites taken out of it. “What the…” I say out loud. What the hell is going on?

I decide to go and get a shower and maybe it will clear my head and I’ll remember what happened last night. As I walk toward my bedroom, I notice the phone is blinking. I look at the phone ID and it’s Thurmond Brown. And I think, oh yeah, he called last night and then I realize the phone says two messages. I play the last message back. I hear a man’s voice, “Hey baby, I’m so glad you called me back last night. It was an unbelievable night. I’m sorry I had to leave while the night was young. But I had to get up early this morning to take that business trip to Des Moines that I told you about at the Corporate office. I’ll call you later. By the way, did I mention what a great time I had?”

“What the hell is he talking about, why is this man harassing me?” Then I stamped off to my bedroom. Thinking he must be out of his freaking mind. I go into the bathroom to take a shower and I happen to look in the mirror. I cannot believe my eyes. There is chocolate cake all over my face. And I mean all over my face. Even my forehead, and in one of my ears. “What the hell is going on? This is madness.”

After I shower and get dressed and clean up my entire apartment. I sit down and think about what has been happening the past few days, and I just can not figure out what to make of it all. It appears that I invited Thurmond over and we had some kind of romantic encounter. But that just can not be true. Maybe I am sleeping now and this is all a bad dream. It has to be. I put it out of my mind. I’m sure I will wake up soon and none of this will be real.

I spend the entire day finishing off the accounts that were outstanding and due in two days. I put all the insanity out of my conscious mind. I simply refuse to think about any of it. There must be some rational explanation for it all. Once again, I eat my dinner, tonight I have Chinese take-out delivered. I probably shouldn’t because it gives me horrible heartburn, but I just love spicy food, my stomach seems to disagree.

I decide to read for a while. Although, I’m feeling kind of tired from all the work I completed today. But I can’t sleep this early with all that Chinese food in my stomach or I will wake up feeling sick.

So, I read three chapters and then take Ambien. And off I go to the land of Nod, in no time flat. When I wake up, I hear someone singing in the kitchen. And I see a trail of feathers strewn across the living room floor into the hall and beyond. “What the hell is happening now?”, I yell at the top of my voice. I follow the trail into the kitchen. And what do I see, but a young man who appears to be Chinese is about to cut off the head of a live chicken. I scream, “Stop, stop what you’re doing? What are you doing at my house? Don’t you dare kill that chicken, are you insane?”

“Madame, you called my restaurant and ask to have this meal prepared in your home first this thing this morning.”

“I certainly did not. This is barbaric, I would never want to kill any animal and eat it. I’m a vegetarian.”

“If you say so, madame. But I’m sorry you’ll have to pay for this meal nonetheless.”

I paid him after looking at the receipt. I felt so bad for the chicken I told him that since I paid for the chicken, it was mine to keep. And then I show him the door. So, apparently, I’m the proud owner of a chicken with missing feathers. I hope they will grow back. Right now, I will have to keep him in my bathroom until I can find someone who wants to have a chicken for a pet, or maybe I’ll just keep him. Why not, I seem to be losing my mind. How much trouble can one chicken be?

I plop down on my bedroom chair and contemplate the events of the past few days. And then it comes to me, it must be the Ambien. I must be sleepwalking and sleep talking and eating and apparently having sex with a man in my sleep that I despise. Dear god, what is happening? I call my doctor and demand to speak to him on the phone immediately. His nurse says he can’t talk right now. I’ll have him return your call as soon as he is free.

Three hours later the phone rings and it is my doctor’s office. I ask him if there are any strange side effects from Ambien. He stammers a bit, and then he says, “well there have been some reports of sleepwalking, sleep-driving, and sleep eating and one report of one woman having sex with a stranger while sleeping.”

For a moment I feel like my head is exploding. “And you didn’t think that is something you should have warned me about? Are you completely incompetent? I could have gotten myself killed or worse. I should sue your ass.”

“Alex, I felt the benefits outweighed the risks. And few people experienced these side effects. I had no idea you would be one of those. Did I?”

“You certainly know it was a possibility. This is unbelievable. What do you suggest I do now? If I stop taking the Ambien, I won’t be able to sleep. And I continue taking the Ambien who knows what I will do next in my sleep?”

“I don’t know Alex, but you are the only one who can make this decision. I do suggest you put your car keys in a safe place at night so you won’t sleep drive. Since that could be quite dangerous.”

Oh yeah, thanks, I’ll keep that in mind, doctor.”

So here is my dilemma, should I continue taking the Ambien and getting much-needed sleep or stop because of these sleep adventures? I think about it all day and decide that I’m going to set up some motion detector cameras around my apartment to see what kind of trouble I’m getting into and if it isn’t life-threatening, I will continue to take the Ambien. If it is, I’ll cut the dose in half and see what happens. Because really this is the best sleep I’ve had in years.

To read more, enter your email address to Subscribe to my Blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.