Monthly Archives: January 2022

THE GARDEN OF TEARS

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It seems like a lifetime ago but it really wasn’t. It was only a year ago that I had lost all faith in myself and my life so much so that I didn’t feel like living anymore. It all began when I was involved in a serious car accident. I was driving along Route 70 in Cherry Hill. I was taking my mother to her eye doctor. She only had vision in one of her eyes because she had a detached retina the year before and her eye doctor was unable to repair it.

My mom was sitting in the front passenger seat. Out of nowhere a semi-truck in front of me lost control of his vehicle when someone cut in front of him and he was unable to slow down quickly enough and he hit the car and I rear-ended him. And then a car behind me hit my car. That’s the last thing I remember. 

When I woke up or perhaps became conscious I found myself in the emergency room of a hospital. The first words out of my mouth were, “is my mother alright? She was with me in my car. Is my mother alright?”

The nurse that was standing next to me took a hold of my hand and said, “I’ll go get the doctor.”

“No wait, wait just tell me that my mother is alright.”

The next thing I knew there was a tired-looking bespectacled and bald doctor standing next to my bed. He said, “Miss Reynolds, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but unfortunately your mother was very seriously injured and she passed away on the way to the hospital. There was nothing we could do.”

“What? No that can’t be true. We were just on the way to her eye doctor’s. It’s a twenty-five-minute drive from our house. She can’t have died. She’s the only family that I have left. The tears started running down my cheeks. I felt my heart break. I mean I literally felt my heart break in two. There was a tremendous weight in my chest. I couldn’t understand how I could still be alive and breathing. My chest started to hurt, I couldn’t breathe.

The doctor called out for the nurse to bring the defibrillator stat. The next thing I remember is when I woke up I felt confused. I didn’t immediately recall what had happened. There were all kinds of tubes in me and on me. There was something in my throat and I couldn’t talk. And then a doctor and a nurse appeared out of nowhere. And they started checking all the tubes and my pulse.

The doctor said, “Miss Reynolds, please try to calm down. Do you remember where you are?”

I tried to calm down. I slowed down my breathing and counted to fifty. My mother used to tell me to do that when I got upset. As I thought of my mother, it all came rushing back to me. And the tears started streaming down my face again.

“Miss Reynolds please try to remain calm. You had a mild heart attack. You’re going to be alright. But you must keep calm. I’m going to ask you some questions. Please don’t try to talk, just nod or shake your head from left to right. Do you understand?”

I nodded my head up and down.

“Are you having any chest pain or difficulty breathing?”

I moved my head from left to right slightly.

“Alright you’re doing well, now try to take slow, easy breaths. It doesn’t look like any serious damage was done to your heart. I have no doubt that you will recover completely. I want you to stay here for another twenty-four hours and we will monitor your heart and your overall condition. And send you home with some medication and the name of a cardiologist that you should see in about two weeks. He will take over your care. And once again I want to remind you to take it easy and slowly return to your regular activities. Do you understand?”

I nodded my head up and down.

“OK, we’re going to remove the tube in your throat, but leave in the IV for now. It will feel a little uncomfortable and your throat may be sore for a couple of days. Today you will be on a liquid diet. And if you are feeling better tomorrow we’ll try solid food. And hopefully, you will be released. Do you have someone who can pick you up?”

I nodded my head up and down again.

A nurse came into the room and stood next to my bed, “alright nurse could you please remove the endotracheal tube?”

As she removed the tube I felt a choking sensation and almost started coughing but I calmed myself down and I was finally able to breathe on my own again.

“Can you breathe without difficulty?”

“I said, “yes.” But my voice came out all raspy and my throat hurt.

“Can I see my mother?”

“I’m sorry Miss Reynolds but your mother is no longer in the hospital morgue. She was transported to the local mortuary. The nurse will give you the information and phone number for you to contact if you feel up to calling them. Or if you give the nurse a family or friend’s name we can contact them and ask them to come here and assist you in these details. Do you have someone to call?”

“Yes, my closest friend, Marilyn.”

“Do you have any relatives to call and notify?”

“No, no one. My mother and I were the only family left and now she’s gone. My father died two years ago from cancer. I’m all alone.”

“ I’m sorry to hear that but please, please try to relax. You can give the nurse the name of your friend and contact information. I will come in later before I’m off–duty today and check on you. There‘s a button you can push if you need help to go to the bathroom or you need anything else. Alright?”

I nodded my head up and down. But the tears kept running down my cheeks even though I had put a smile on my face for the doctor. And then he turned and walked slowly out of the room. I wondered how anyone could even work in a hospital and remain sane. All the death, the loss, the fear, responsibilities, and the weight of all the broken hearts.

The next morning I was given a soft boiled egg and limp toast for breakfast and lukewarm tea. I hate soft-boiled eggs but I ate it anyway my stomach was growling. And I know that they wouldn’t let me out of here until I ate something and went to the bathroom.

I called Marilyn and she said that she had been trying to get a hold of me for two days and was going out of mind with worry. I told her about the car accident and she started to cry. Which made me start crying all over again. She told me she would be there at ten AM sharp. And I believed her because she has never let me down ever. She is the sister I never had. I trust her as much as I trusted my dear mother.

The doctor came into my room about twenty minutes after I hung up the phone on Marilyn. “how are you feeling today?”

“Honestly doctor I don’t know how to feel. I never lost my mother before and had a terrible car accident and had a heart attack in the space of two days. If it wasn’t for my friend, Marilyn I don’t know what I would do.”

“But how are you feeling physically? I think you should stay in the hospital for another day. But since you don’t want to do that I’m giving you my office number. And if you have any difficulty at all, any chest pain, call and we will fit you in. I have scheduled you for a check-up at the Cardiologist I recommended in two weeks, don’t miss it. If you have any problem with the medication I prescribed call my office. I’m serious. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand. Thank you, doctor. I’ll see you soon.”

My friend Marilyn showed up at 10 AM sharp. As soon as she came to my room’s door I felt the muscles in my stomach relax. She came over and put her arms around me and didn’t let go for at least five minutes. We were both crying. “Oh, Marie I’m so, so sorry about your mother. This is so hard to take in I can not even begin to understand how badly you feel. How are you feeling now? Are you having any more chest pains?”

“No, they put me on medication. It has helped a lot. I have the doctor’s number and I have an appointment set up in two weeks. I have to arrange the funeral. It’s just so difficult to believe that I’ll never see my mom again. And that’s when I started crying again. I don’t know where all the tears come from. I thought I would have run out by now.

“Well, I’m going to be with you the whole way. You won’t be doing this alone at all. And I went over to your house and packed a suitcase and your personal things and brought them to my house. Because that is where you will be staying for as long as you need to.”

“Thank you Marilyn I was dreading going to my house and not seeing my mother standing there waiting for me. I just don’t know how I will go on without her.”

“You won’t be alone, I love you like a sister. I hope you know that I will always be there for you, no matter what.”

I looked at Marilyn and said,”you’re the best I don’t know how I was so lucky to meet you and stayed friends ever since first grade.”

Marilyn helped me hobble over to the bathroom and then I said, “oh no, I don’t have any clothes to wear they cut them off when I was in the emergency room.”

“Not to worry Marie, I brought some comfortable pants and a sweatshirt and underwear and socks and a pair of your sneakers. I’m going to help you take the gown off and put on your clothes. I brought your navy blue jacket too.”

I looked a Marilyn and the tears rolled down my face. I wiped them away. And new tears appeared. “I’m sorry Marilyn I can’t seem to stop crying.”

“Don’t apologize anymore, Marie. You have nothing to apologize for. You are the strongest person I know. You took care of your dad for two years when he was dying from cancer. You have been taking care of your mother. You are so much stronger than you realize. You are the bravest person I have ever known.”

“I don’t feel strong at all. It feels like my heart could stop at any minute. I can’t think of a single reason to keep breathing in and out. I can’t imagine living another day without seeing my beautiful mother again. Life without my mom will be an empty and lonely one without her. Oh Marilyn I don’t think I can go on without my mother. It was bad enough when my dad died. And now I’m all alone.”

Now Marilyn was crying too. “No, no, no you are not alone. I am here for you and I always will be. Your mother wouldn’t want you to feel this way. She would want you to continue on with your life and find happiness again. She would never, never want you to give up on life. Promise me that you won’t give up. I need you. Look straight at me and promise that you won’t give up.”

I looked right into Marilyn’s eyes and they were red and swollen and I knew I didn’t want to be the one that made Marilyn feel alone in the world. I knew she needed me as much as I needed her. “I promise I won’t say that again. I will try my best. I will take one day at a time to keep going. I promise I won’t leave you alone. And then we hugged each other like we were never going to let go. And Marilyn helped me get dressed and I splashed some cold water on my face.

An orderly brought a wheelchair to my room and said, “your limousine awaits you, madame. I laughed for the first time. I knew he probably said this to everyone but still it made me feel special in that moment and I said, “why thank you so much.”

And we were on our way. I was leaving my old life behind me and moving into an unknown future. I took a deep breath and sat down in the wheelchair. And then Marilyn said, “come on Marie let’s go home now and you can get some rest, and guess what I’m making you your favorite dinner, french fries, and hot dogs.”

I smiled at her and then the orderly helped me get into my seat and buckled me in. I said, “thank you, kind sir.” And then he tipped his invisible hat and headed back into the hospital.

“OK, Marie relax and buckle up. We’ll be home in a few minutes I’m going to take the scenic route and avoid the highways. So why don’t you take a little nap and I’ll wake you when we get home.”

I no sooner sat down and buckled my seat belt and I must have fallen asleep immediately. Because the next thing I knew I heard Marilyn say,” we’re home, we’re home.”

I opened my eyes and I saw Marilyn’s house. I tried to hold back the tears. I really did. But it felt like I had no control over my body anymore. It did what it wanted. Marilyn just ignored the tears and came over to my side of the car and helped me get out and hobble over to the front door.

She unlocked the door, and let me in, “OK do you want to have lunch now or would you like to go take a nap first?”

“Hot dog and fries first”, I said.

“OK, have a seat at the kitchen table and I’ll go get you things out of the car. Don’t try walking around until I get back in here. You will probably feel a little weak for a while.”

“OK, I won’t. I’ll sit here and wait patiently. Looking forward to a cup of tea too. The hospital tea was never hot like I like it.”

“I’m going to make a whole pot of Earl Grey for you. I went out and bought all your favorite teas, including your favorite Chai.”

“You’re the best, thank you.”

Marie drank the whole pot of tea. “Oh that was so good, there’s nothing like Earl Grey.”

“OK, when you need to use the bathroom let me know, I’m going to make the hot dogs and fries. I know that’s not very healthy. But it’s your favorite.“

Marie swallowed her last sip of tea and Marilyn said, “do you want to take a nap now?”

“I think I better start making the arrangements for my mother now. It all seems like a bad dream. I felt the same way after my father died from cancer two years ago. Like it was a bad dream. I still can’t take it all in but I’m going to have to deal with it now rather than later. We didn’t really have any family left. But my mom had a lot of friends with the woman’s club and her church so I’ll have to get my mom’s phone book to let them know. And I’ll have to get the papers from my dad’s funeral so I can contact the funeral parlor and the cemetery where my dad is buried.”

“OK, after lunch do you want me to go over to your house and get the papers? And you tell me what you want to bring back here and I’ll put it in the back seat and trunk of my car. Anything big, we’ll have to hire a moving truck.”

“OK, but first I have to take care of the funeral and the service and contact my mother’s friends. “

“We can do this together, don’t worry.”

Two days later Marie and Marilyn were in the church waiting for the funeral service for her mother to begin. Marie couldn’t bear to see the coffin. She just couldn’t imagine looking down at her mother and knowing she would never see her sweet and loving face again.

And then Marie heard the priest say, “shall we say our final prayers for the deceased, Kathleen Reynolds. A loving mother and wife and friend to all that knew her. She will be missed by all. Please come up and say goodbye to her. Knowing that you will all be reunited in the afterlife. Marilyn could you please come up first and then everyone else may follow.

Marilyn swallowed hard and using all her remaining strength she got up out of the pew and propelled herself forward to the front of the church in front of the altar where her mother lay in her coffin.

Marilyn stared down at her mother or what remained of her mother’s early remains and made herself lean down and kiss her gently on her cheek. She whispered, “I love you with all of my heart Mom, I couldn’t have asked for a better mother and friend than you have been for me all of my life. I will think of you every day and keep you in my heart always. Until we meet again.”

As everyone filed out of the vestibule they followed one another out to their cars and to the cemetery. Marie and Marilyn’s car was the first to arrive following the hearse. And they drove quietly through the gate that said, THE GARDEN OF TEARS.’

Marilyn said that is such an odd name for a cemetery.”

“Oh, it’s called that because the owner said the tears of all the people who lost loved ones watered the flowers throughout the cemetery.”

Marilyn took her friend, Marie’s hand and held it throughout the funeral and kept it until they returned to Marilyn’s car, and then she gave her a big hug and said, “let’s go friend to whatever the future holds for us.’

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A COLD WINTER’S DAY

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Christine stood next to her car her feet literally frozen to the ground. She had pushed unlock several times on her key fob but nothing happened. She tried inserting her key into the locks and the key turned but the doors refused to open. Her entire car was covered in ice. The doors were covered in ice as were the windows and the mirrors. She tried each door and the same result. Her mind refused to accept what was obvious. She was locked out of her beloved car in the middle of nowhere with no help in sight. 

Her hands, feet, and face are burning from the cold. The wind is relentless and so cold that she‘s having trouble breathing. She feels a tear run down her cheek and it freezes there.

She considers her options. Wait and see if her car’s locks eventually thaw out. Wait for someone to drive by and stop and help her. Or continue banging on the doors and pulling on them with all her might until she couldn’t do it anymore.

Or she could start walking to the nearest house. And beg to come in and use their phone. Her cell phone is locked in her trunk and besides her cell phone didn’t work this far out in the boonies.

And then there was the issue of her car’s engine that just slowly stopped and then wouldn’t start up again. Dead battery perhaps. Who knew? She sure didn’t. By no stretch of the imagination was Christine an auto mechanic. Her expertise began and ended at pulling up to a self-serve gas station and putting gas in the car and inserting her credit card into the right slot to pay for the gas.

Usually, Christine was able to remain calm no matter what problem she faced. But recently there have been so many problems, so many unexpected catastrophes that she feels overwhelmed by even the smallest inconvenience. She decides to try the locks one more time and if they didn’t work, she will start walking.

Now the key wouldn’t even turn. She pounds on the door until her hands are numb from the cold and bleeding. She sees no other choice but to start walking until she finds a house or a trailer. She would settle for a semi-dilapidated barn.

She pulls her knitted hat down over her ears and takes her leather gloves out of her pockets and puts them on. She had them for many years. They were a Christmas gift from her husband years ago. Or should she say, ex-husband? Well, they were still married back then but not now. That was one of the catastrophes in recent months. Apparently, he wanted an upgrade in wives, a newer model without the wrinkles and sagging muscles. Someone who might be able to make him a father. Because she wasn’t able to do that.

He was supposed to get married in June. And just last week she received an invitation to their wedding. When she opened the envelope she couldn’t believe her eyes. He had the unmitigated gall to invite her to his wedding with his child bride. Well, she wasn’t exactly a child but almost. She had just turned twenty- two.

Her first impulse was to call him up on his cell and tell him to go straight to hell. Then she thought that she would turn up at his wedding and make a horrible scene. But she knew that would probably backfire on her. So reluctantly she decided to respond that she could not attend as she would be out of town and leave it at that. And maybe she would plan a getaway to some tropical island somewhere or take a cruise or go mountain climbing and jump off the top of a mountain. She just couldn’t decide. She was having trouble making decisions altogether.

In fact, that is why she found herself in her present predicament. Last week she notice her car was making weird noises, and it wouldn’t always start right away in the morning. And she kept telling herself to call and make an appointment at her mechanics to have it checked out and tuned up. But she kept putting it off. Her husband always took care of the cars.

As a result, she found herself walking down a lonely, deserted country road with no houses in sight. She had been on her way to a town about fifteen miles from here to visit an old friend of hers, Mallory. She had purchased a farm and was trying to make a go of it. Christine was having difficulty picturing her friend running a farm since she had been working in tech for the last ten years. But she knew better than anyone how life can change in the blink of an eye.

As she walks down the road she contemplates all the changes that took place in her own life in recent years. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she couldn’t blame her husband for everything. Yes, he wanted children. And when they realize she couldn’t get pregnant. He started talking about adopting. But she was actually relieved that she couldn’t get pregnant. Because she didn’t really want to be a parent.

She loved her job and couldn’t imagine staying home, changing diapers and doing wash, and cleaning the house. It was the last draw for him and he felt she should have told him before they got married that she didn’t want children. She didn’t realize she didn’t want kids until he started pushing her in that direction. She should have told him right away, but she didn’t. And that was on her.

In the distance, Christine could see what looks like a farmer in a field. She started double-timing it in that direction. It was the first good thing that had happened to her in months. By the time she arrived on the road next to the farm, her hands and face and feet were completely numb. She could hardly breathe and she was afraid she would die before she got to him. She started waving her hands frantically in his direction. He waved back.

She realized she would have to go to the farmer. She started walking in that direction. Finally, she was within feet of him. “Hello, oh I’m so happy to finally find someone. My car broke down about three miles back. I’m absolutely frozen could you please, please help me?“

“Oh of course, but we will have to walk up to my house, come on it’s not that far. You poor thing you must be frozen with just that thin jacket on.?”

After about two minutes Christine saw a farmhouse. “Oh thank god, I thought I would die if I had to walk any further in this cold.”

“Here we are. Now let’s get you in the house and get something warm in your stomach and a couple of blankets around you in front of the fire. Shall we?”

“Yes, please. It sounds like heaven.”

“Here we are. Let’s go in. I’ll call my wife. She’ll be happy to have another woman to talk to for once. She usually only sees other people on Sunday when we go to church. A farm keeps you really busy, sunup to sundown.”

“Martha, we have company. A young lady’s car broke down and she had to walk a couple of miles out in the cold. Could you come in and give her something warm to eat. I’ll stoke the fire and get her a blanket.”

“Oh dear, you must be frozen. I just made some fresh vegetable soup and homemade bread. How’s that? What’s your name dear?”

“My name is Christine, I was going to visit a friend of mine and my car broke down. Your farm was the closest place I found since my car stopped working altogether. I‘ve been walking for a good while when I finally saw your husband. Really, he saved my life. Thank you.

“Oh, I don’t know about saving your life, but at least you‘re safe and soon you’ll have something warm in your stomach. Do you feel better yet?”

“Oh yes, I can finally feel my hands and feet. Oh, this soup is so delicious. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. When I’m done could I call my friend to come and get me? My purse and cell phone are locked in the trunk of my car.”

“Of course, dear go right ahead. And please feel free to use the bathroom it’s to your right.”

“That’s a good idea. I guess I really do have to go, but I was so cold I didn’t even think about it.”

“Oh I feel so much better, my friend said that she only lives a few miles from here and she’ll get here as soon as possible. She’s on her way.”

Christine comes out of the bathroom and smiles at the farmer and his wife.”Really I can’t thank you enough. You have renewed my faith in humanity. I live in the city and sometimes I feel so alone even though there are people everywhere. No one even makes eye contact. It makes me feel invisible sometimes. I grew up in a small town in the North East in New Jersey called Maple Shade. We all knew our neighbors and had tons of friends. Everyone waved at people they saw walking around town even if they didn’t know you. It’s a different world now.”

“Yes, the world has changed so much it’s true. People think they are connected to everyone what with the internet and social media. But really they’re not. They don’t really know one another. They don’t interact directly with people they just make comments on social media websites. Out here in the country even though we don’t all live right next to each other we have to make an effort to know our neighbors. Because you never know what kind of emergency might happen. And you have to have people who care enough about you who you can call for help.”

“Really, that must make you feel safe knowing there are people you can call at any given time. You are lucky.”

“Well, I don’t know if I would call it luck. We all have to make an effort to create a community of people that care for one another. People that we can rely on in the good times and the bad. It’s not luck, it is hard work to maintain friendships and community support. Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you a lecture or advice. You don’t even know us. I guess that’s the mother in me talking to you like you are one of my daughters.”

“Oh, do you have a large family? I was an only child. I was spoiled but on the other hand, I always wished I had sisters and brothers who cared about me. My parents died in a car accident when I was in college. And now I don’t have anyone. “

“Well, we have five grown children two sons and three daughters. They are all married and have children of their own now. But they visit whenever they can and we love spending time with our grandchildren. They come and spend the summer with us here on the farm. They love all our animals and they are a great help taking care of them. We hope one of them will want to take over the farm after we’re gone.”

“Really that sounds wonderful. I’m so glad my car broke down and I met you. Can I use your phone to call my friend to come to pick me up and could you tell me someone in the area that could come out and look at my car and see if they can fix it or tow it to get it fixed?”

“Of course dear, let me get you those numbers. And by the way, we are the Rafferty. My name is Martha and my husband here’s name is Johnathan. I’m sorry your car broke down but I”m so happy you found us. I want you to know that you are welcome here anytime you come out this way to visit your friend.“

Then Christina called her friend Mallory and told her about her car breaking down, Mallory said she had a friend who was a mechanic and she would ask him to go out and tow Christine’s car. And she would come to pick her up and Christine could stay with her at her farm until it was repaired. She was sorry for her trouble but so happy she would have an excuse to visit with her for at least a couple of days.

About forty minutes later Mallory was knocking at the kitchen door at Martha’s and Johnathan’s house. “Come in, come in get out of the cold. Please have a cup of tea before you and Christina leave. Oh, where’re my manners. I’m Martha and that is my husband, Johnathan. It’s always wonderful to meet someone new. And today we met two new friends. Would you like a piece of apple pie to go with that tea?”

“I would, that sounds wonderful.”

“Here’s your friend Christina. I think she finally thawed out.”

“Oh, Mallory I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here. But thanks so much and I so look forward to spending a couple of days with you. And now I’ve made two new friends and have double the reason to come visit you.”

As Mallory and Christina finished off their pie and tea the Rafferty’s hugged them both and said, “all in all, this has been a wonderful day. Here’s our phone number please, please give us a call the next time you come for a visit to Mallory we would just love that so much.”

Christina and Mallory hugged the Rafferty’s and Christina said, “this really has turned out to be a great experience. You never know what life will bring to you each day. Thank you so much, and I definitely will call you next time I visit Mallory. “Shall we be on our way Mallory?”

“Yes, and thank you for taking care of my dear friend.”

Christina looks at the Rafferty’s and say’s, “you know my mother used to say when you look back at all the experiences in your life both good and bad, you realize that life is beautiful. I never knew what she meant until now. And she hugged Martha and Johnathan and waved as she and Mallory were on their way to her farm.

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THE NIGHT OWL

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I recently retired from working. I was a night watchman for over forty years. I worked at a factory that manufactured jewelry, using precious metals, mostly silver and gold and occasionally platinum. My days off were Monday and Tuesday. On those days, I continued to sleep during the day and stayed awake all night.

And now that I’m retired, I have every intention of slowly adjusting to sleeping at night and being awake during the day as most people do. Unfortunately, this goal has not been as easy to reach as I hoped.

Night Owl

The first couple of months of my retirement, I tried adjusting my sleep pattern by going to bed fifteen minutes later each day. And I hoped over time I would be able to go to bed between eleven o’clock and 11:30 PM over time. I calculated that I would be able to achieve this goal in about seven and a half months.

Unfortunately, what happened was that I was unable to fall asleep at all. And I began lying wide awake for hours every night sometimes; I never fell asleep. This pattern went on for weeks. I eventually started taking Melatonin to help me fall asleep. Melatonin is a naturally occurring hormone in our bodies. My change in my sleeping pattern had a detrimental effect on my ability during the day. And I was unable to accomplish anything. if one of my friends called to see how I was or asked me to meet them for lunch. I would fall asleep while they were talking on the phone to me.

Then one lonely night, while I stared silently at the ceiling fan over my bed, I heard a weird noise outside my bedroom window. It went on intermittently for over an hour. It was a familiar sound, but I couldn’t quite place it. I finally gathered the strength to get up and look out the window. There is a large Cedar tree within six feet of my bedroom window, and I observed something moving about within the tree limbs.

But I couldn’t quite make out what it was. Some kind of bird, I thought. Maybe a hawk. I had seen one recently flying over our pond. They were probably scooping out the pond for the Koi that lived there and were blissfully unaware that their very lives were in danger. I finally decided to put a net over the pond. But then I became concerned that the hawk would get caught in the net and drown. And so I took the net off. At this point, even I realized that I was becoming obsessive. I knew it was probably from my lack of sleep.

I quietly opened the window about twelve inches, and I could hear the strange noise again, it was a somewhat familiar noise was emanating from the tree. And then I heard the noise more clearly it was “who, who, who.” My exhausted brain didn’t immediately recognize the sound. And suddenly, from the depths of my subconscious, the word OWL came to the surface. I shouted, “it’s a. It’s an owl.” I reacted as if I had discovered a previously unknown star or planet before my eyes. I laughed out loud. I have a great love of birds. When I was a child, I used to close my eyes and wish that I would somehow magically turn into a bird and fly. I spent hours during the summer sitting in my backyard, hoping that I would be able to grow wings and be able to fly spontaneously.

I didn’t share this thought with anyone, even my closest friend, since my family and friends already thought I was a weird child.

I open the screen on my window and put my head out the window. And sure enough, I heard the hoot of a night owl. I had frequently found the remains of small rodents and squirrels under that cedar tree, and now I realized that my owl was hunting in my back yard. We have seventeen beautiful Cedar trees on our small property. In addition to a beautiful garden in the front. It attracted all kinds of wildlife, birds, feral cats, chipmunks, squirrels, possums, raccoons, and all sorts of insects. And now I had an owl. How wonderful. I felt as if I had finally found that pot of gold I searched for as a child.

One night, I decided that I would stay up late and sit outside in the backyard and wait for my owl to appear. I brought my camera and waited patiently. It was well past ten PM. And the mosquitoes were out in force. I had sprayed myself with repellent, but the mosquitoes didn’t seem to be deterred. I expected I would be covered with bites in an hour or so. It didn’t help that the pond was less than ten feet from the Ceder tree where my owl spent the night waiting for his prey to appear. I read that an owl can eat up to a thousand mice a year. Can you imagine having such an appetite? I would be the size of a house if I ate that much.

I started dozing off several times. I would nod off, and my head would jerk, and I would wake up vaguely confused about where I was and what the hell I was doing outside in the middle of the night. And then it would all come back to me. About the third time it happened to me, I thought, maybe I am nuts. And then I thought well if I’m a nut, I’m nuts. You have to learn to accept your nature and roll with it at some point in your life. And if people don’t like it, well, so be it. Their loss, isn’t it? Most people are dead boring and never have an original thought in their mind.

Suddenly, I heard a swishing noise in the tree above me. I quietly raised my head with my eyes to the sky, and there she was, sitting on the uppermost branch of the tree like a queen sitting on her throne. I could see her clearly by the moonlight. I tried to maintain complete quiet and not move a muscle. It was difficult because I was stiff from sitting in one position for so long. And my muscles were crying out in pain, wanting me to move and stretch. But I didn’t. I remained steadfast.

And then she was up and flying towards the prey that moved, and only she was able to see and hear. One of the things I found so interesting about owls is the fact that they can pinpoint the location of their prey because of their ears, which are located at different heights on their heads. They are the ultimate hunters, quick and precise. Her wingspread was large and before I knew it she returned with her prey. She would probably stay for several hours and hunt. I decided that the next time she flew off I would quietly leave and try and go back to my bed and hopefully sleep.

That night I fell asleep shortly after I climbed wearily into my bed. I had a dream that I was a magnificent owl flying through the night sky lit only by the stars and the moon. The next morning I woke up and the sun was beginning to rise. I looked over at my alarm clock and it was almost seven in the morning. I could hardly take in that I had finally slept for several hours.

I picked up the diary that I kept by my bedside. And I wrote about my experience the previous night. And then the thought occurred to me that I may have dreamed the whole thing. I decided to throw on my clothes and shoes and go to my backyard under the Cedar tree and see if I could find any evidence of the owl’s appearance. And sure enough, under the Cedar tree, I found the tiny remnants of the owl’s prey. It wasn’t a dream. I had truly experienced something both wonderful and terrible.

Several months later, in late winter, I noticed two owls in the tree. I realized that they must be getting ready to lay eggs. I couldn’t contain the joy I felt when I realized that I would witness this miracle. After about a month, I noticed that one of the eggs hatched and the two remaining ones hatched soon. I cannot express how overjoyed I was to have this family of owls inhabiting my backyard.

The mother and father owl took turns feeding and sitting on the nest. I wanted to watch the babies being fed so badly that I went out and purchased a pair of binoculars made explicitly for bird watching. And for the next four weeks, I watched this family thrive and the babies grow. After the babies hatched about the fifth week, they began to venture from the nest. I was terrified that one of the feral cats in my neighborhood would kill the babies. But it turned out that the mother and father owl kept a close eye on their young.

And I read that owls are known to have eaten cats. And that’s when I began to obsess about the cats in my neighborhood getting eaten by my owls. There was no end to the things that my mind would obsess about and keep me awake at night worrying about it. I warned all my neighbors not to let their cats out at night. Since I had a pair of nesting owls in my backyard, I found out that owls hoot at night to ward off intruders as a warning. I kept my nightly vigil of them on the down-low since I didn’t want them to move to a different location.

My neighbors have begun to think that I am somewhat eccentric. I can’t deny it. I am what I am. There was no use fighting my nature. At this late stage of my life, I can no more change who and what I am than my owls can change their nature of being predators. I have come to accept myself because of the owls.

By the time Fall was about to arrive, I noticed that the fledglings were staying longer and longer away from the nest and then not returning at all. I surmised that they were mature enough to start a life of their own. And the most important lesson I learned from the owls was to accept one’s nature. And what I came to realize over that first year of retirement was that I wasn’t retiring from life but just one stage of my life and that I was and will always be a Night Owl. And I am curious, creative, and weird, and I’m alright with that.

IS BLOOD ALWAYS THICKER THAN WATER

2 Replies

Last night I received an unexpected call from my cousin Flossie. It was unexpected for many reasons. For one thing, I hadn’t heard from heard in over fifty years. I could barely remember what she looked like. I recall her having light blond hair and blue eyes. I had blond hair as a child but my hair was always referred to as dirty blond. Because what was once blond turned a nondescript light brown as I got older.

Because I hadn’t heard from Flossie in so long, it set off an alarm. I knew without a doubt that someone in my family had passed on. I didn’t recognize Flossie’s phone number when I saw it. But I did recognize her name, Flossie Brown. She was from my mother’s side of the family. She is the youngest daughter of my Uncle Pete. Who died in the mid- 1970s.

When I picked up the phone I heard someone yelling, “Hello, hello, is this the Cabri number? I’m trying to get hold of Coleen Cabri?”

“This is Coleen but I haven’t been a Cabri for over forty-eight years. My name is Coleen Sabrina. Are you my cousin, Flossie?”

“Of course, I’m your cousin Flossie. Who did you think I was?”

And that is when I remembered why my cousin Flossie and I were never close or even friendly. To put it politely she was always a jerk. And she had a tendency to be argumentative and sarcastic but not in a funny way. And it seemed as if she hasn’t improved over the many years that had passed by since the last time I saw her. “Well, what can I do for you, Flossie? It’s been such a long, long time since we spoke. I believe the last time I saw you was when your dad passed away.”

“Yeah, well I called to let you know that my older brother passed away not too long ago. And he was living in my dad’s house up until he had to go into the nursing home. And I don’t know if you remember this but the house was originally owned by our mutual grandfather. And according to the Will, the house must be sold and the contents distributed. And you and I are the last members of our family to survive.”

“You have got to be kidding. I had no idea. The house must be really old. What kind of shape is it in?”

“It is habitable. But I have to admit my brother didn’t take good care of it very well in his last years. He developed dementia about ten years ago and in the last years, he didn’t do anything at all. It’s a mess. But I believe that with time and some cash we could sell it and make a tidy sum. Are you interested? If you’re not I can sell it as is. And we could split the profit. But with a little sweat equity, we could make a tidy sum. What do you say?”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. I’m not as young as I used to be. I don’t have a lot of extra money to invest. But I can do cleaning, painting and I’m a hell of a gardener. I live several hours from there. I couldn’t travel back and forth. I would have to stay at the house or at your house.”.

” Well as I said the house isn’t in great shape, but you could stay there. But you would be sleeping rough if you know what I mean. I am living in a rental with an old friend of mine and it’s a trailer, so not a lot of room. It’s a tight fit for the two of us. If you are able to come and stay at the house I would suggest bringing your own sheets and blankets and towels etc. And once you get here you’ll have to go to the nearest Shop Rite and get food. Unless you intend on eating out all the time.”

“Wow, Flossie that’s a lot to consider. Let me think about it for a day and I’ll give you a call tomorrow morning.”

“OK, talk to you then.”

And then she hung up. I was having a hard time taking it all in at once. My uncle’s death and inheriting a house. You just never know what any day is going to bring to you. I couldn’t sleep that night because I kept waking up every hour or so and obsessing about what my cousin Flossie had told me. At some point, I fell asleep and woke up at 5 AM. And I knew what I was going to do.

So at 9 AM I picked up my phone and called her. She answered after the third ring. “Why the hell are you calling me at the crack of dawn?”

“Good morning Flossie, it’s nine o’clock in the morning, hardly the crack of dawn. Just wanted to let you know that I decided that I will come and help with the house. I’ll bring all the tools that I think will be useful and whatever food I have in my house. I have to admit that any money we make on the sale of the house will be extremely helpful because I live on Social Security and it is barely enough to keep body and soul together.”

“You’re preaching to the choir. I know only too well what it is like to live on Social Security.”

“When do you think you will be getting here? Make sure you give me a call before you arrive and I’ll give you my address and then we’ll take a ride out to the house and a look around. And decide what kind of work we will be able to do. I’m definitely not up to putting a roof on. But, luckily my dad put a new roof on about four years ago. Only because every time it rained outside, it rained on the inside of the house as well.”

“Wow. So today I’ll start getting stuff together that I need to bring and I’ll take care of all my business here, paying bills, etc. And I will be there the day after tomorrow. I’ll call you when I’m about an hour away. How’s that?”

Flossie said, “good, talk to you then.” And the line when dead. And that is when I remember how abrupt and rude she was. Oh boy, this was going to be a fun time spent with an unpleasant relative. But, I’ve always thought things happen for a reason. And I set about getting ready for my trip and taking care of any business that was outstanding with my own house.

I spent the rest of the day getting my affairs in order and packing all the tools I thought I would need in the trunk of my old car. I hope I didn’t have any difficulties on the road. My car is fifteen years old. But, knock wood. It runs like a top. Never any problems. But just in case I took it to my friend, Bill’s auto repair shop and had him do a tune-up and check the tires and anything else he thought might cause a problem on a nine-hour ride. He told me I could pay him after I make all that money and sell my relatives’ house.

The next day I was on my way. I really detest long car rides. They kill my back. I packed a couple of sandwiches of bologna and cheese and two thermoses of hot coffee. And I was on my way. Luckily the weather was cooperating. I had to make several pit stops along the way because when you get older you spend a great deal of time in the bathroom. About an hour from Flossie’s house I pulled into a rest stop and I gave her a call to get the address of the house. She picked up the phone and said, “So?”

“So, I’m an hour away how about giving me the address? And she rattled off the address. Could you please tell me that again more slowly, I’m trying to write it down for crying out loud?”

So she repeated the address after making a sound that indicated that she was already losing patience with me. She said, ” I’ll meet you there in about an hour.” And then she hung up.

I shook my head, and I thought I better make a lot of money out of this. I can tell Flossie is going to be a major pain in my ass. The last hour of the trip was uneventful and I arrived in front of a house that looked like what my mother would have described as ” the wreck of the Hesperus.” Meaning it was a bloody mess. It looked like the grass hadn’t been cut in a couple of years. The shutters were hanging crooked by a single nail. There were a least three years of newspapers lying on the front yard and sidewalk. And there were bags and more bags of trash, too many to count.

“Dear god. What have I gotten myself into?” I said out loud to no one in particular. I walk around the back yard. There was a washer and dryer rusting out there. Look like they had been there for a millennium. “Holy mackerel, what a nightmare.”

I had a strong impulse to get into my car and leave as fast as possible. And then I heard someone say, “well you must be my cousin. Long time no see. I wasn’t exaggerating, was I?

“Exaggerating? No, just the opposite. Well, let’s take a look around and see what needs to be done first.”

“Well, I think the first thing we need to do is have the electricity turned back on and check that the water is working? I haven’t been here for several weeks.”

“Yeah, electricity would certainly be beneficial especially at night when I’m here all by myself. And yeah, it would be nice to have water too.”

Flossie looked at me like I was crazy. And said, “that’s what I just said.”

“I was being sarcastic, Flossie.”

She looks at me and says, “come on let’s go inside.”

She jammed the key into the lock on the front door. And said, “this lock sticks. You have to really shove the key in hard. And it’s difficult to get the key out too.”

“Well, we probably should get the locks changed front and back and get an extra set of keys.”

“Yeah, good idea. You know I don’t think I would have recognized you except for the fact that you are standing here at the house. I couldn’t really remember what you looked like since we haven’t seen each other since we were kids.”

“Well, I can see that you certainly resemble Uncle Pete and you look like a Brown. I always resembled my father’s side of the family.”

“Wow, you are really skinny. That certainly isn’t a Brown trait. “

“Oh, thanks, I think that was supposed to be a compliment.”

“Yeah, it’s a compliment. I have never been very good at conversation.”

“I kind of remember that you could be rather abrupt, Flossie.”

“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I always say.”

I just stared at her for a moment and I thought. Oh yeah, this is going to be a fun time.

“Well let’s start in the living room and work our way up to the attic. I haven’t been up in the attic since I was a kid. I can only imagine how much “memorabilia” is up there now.

The kitchen hadn’t been updated since about 1971. It had an original Frigidaire refrigerator It was lime green. I open the door and the smell that emanated from the inside of the refrigerator almost knocked me out. “Dear god, did you bury grandfather in there. It smells like someone is decomposing in there. Then I look up at the top refrigerator shelf and I can’t believe my eyes. In a jar, the size of a huge pickle jar was a tongue floating in some kind of green fetid liquid. “Holy mother of god what is that?”

“What are you babbling about?”
I pointed at the floating tongue. “That’s nothing, it’s just a cow tongue.” People slice it and make sandwiches out of it. You are being ridiculous.”

“People eat cow tongues? And you think I’m being ridiculous? “Wow.”
“Yes, people eat all kinds of things. You need to settle down. You haven’t even seen the rest of the house.”

“I need to settle down. Oh brother. Let’s move on. I’ll take a look in that disgustingly dirty oven. I trust nobody’s cooking in there.” Flossie just snorted in my direction.

The inside of the oven had a good four inches of charred food on it. It would need to be sandblasted to get it clean. And the smell was indescribable. The oven is disgusting as well. And now that I look down at this lime green linoleum floor it’s clear this whole room hasn’t been updated since the early ’70s.

Coleen made her way around bags of trash and broken chairs, and what looked like piles of dog poop to the dining area. If you could call it that. “Did someone own a dog at one time, dog poop is all over the place.”

“Not that I know of, but as I said my brother had dementia so who knows.”

“Flossie, shall we make our way upstairs?”

“Alright, Coleen. It can’t get much worse than this?”

“Dear god, I hope not. Maybe we should try not taking deep breaths?”

“I agree no deep breaths.”

When they got to the top of the stairway, there were so many bags of trash next to the wall that it reached almost to the ceiling. “Did no one ever come to check on your brother at all? This is just unbelievable. “

“Well, like I said not in recent years. My brother and I never saw eye to eye. For some reason, he always said that I had an abrasive personality. And he couldn’t stand being in the same room as me for more than an hour or two. Can you believe anyone would say anything that mean?”

Coleen just stared at Flossie. “People can be quite unfeeling that’s for sure.”

“OK, so this is my Uncle‘s bedroom. So, it will probably be the worse room. Do you have anything to cover your nose and mouth? If you don’t I brought an extra handkerchief you can use. Well, keep it. You’ll need it.” She hands Coleen a red plaid cloth to put over her nose and mouth.

“Wow, we should have put these on at the curb. I may never get the stench of this place of my olfactory system.”

Flossie snorted and opens the door. “Holy mackerel, it smells like he died in here and they never took the body away. Come on let’s get this over with as quickly as possible. the bed was stripped but the stains on the mattress were horrific and neither one of them wanted to touch it. “You know what Flossie I think we should hire someone to come in this house and take all the furniture and all the trash out and dispose of it. I’ll pay half of the cost if you will. What do you say?”

“I say, hell, yes. After all the stinking crap in here gets taken out and burned we can come back in here and clean and paint and repair. In the meanwhile, we can get started on the outside of the house. We can remove all the trash and cut the grass and plant some flowers. We could also clean the windows and have the pavement repaired. Then we can come back in here. Sounds like a plan.”

For the next two weeks, Flossie and Coleen worked their butts off working in the yard, cleaning the windows, and painting the front and back door. They planted some small ornamental shrubs and flowers. They hadn’t gone in the house the whole time it was being cleaned out. They decided to hire some painters, and a plumber to come in and do the lion’s share of the work. Flossie decided she did have enough room for Coleen. She set up a cot in Flossie’s bedroom and Coleen slept in there.

“Well, Flossie it seems like the beginning of the end of this nightmare. It seems like we make a pretty good team. What do you think?”

“I think we do make a pretty good team Coleen. And I had an idea. How do you feel about you and I moving in here and sharing the house and the expenses? We are the only family either one of us has left? What do you think?”

“I think that it is a great idea. And I have come to appreciate your sarcastic sense of humor Flossie. I wish that we have gotten to know each other long before now. But better late than never.”

After Coleen and Flossie finished their work. Flossie came with Coleen back to her home and helped her pack up and head back to their new home together. Sometimes endings mark the beginning of something new and better. As they stood on the sidewalk in front of their new house they hugged each other and hung a sign on their door that said Home Sweet Home.

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