Monthly Archives: February 2022

ALL IN A DAY’S WORK

It had been a long, long day for Marie. She wearily plops down on the worn and tattered seat. Her legs and feet ached from the eight hours of standing in one place. Add to that the mind-numbing experience of making sandwiches all day, day after day for five years.

She stares out the dirty bus window wishing that one day she would wake up and find herself somewhere else doing anything else other than making sandwiches for forty hours a week at minimum wage.

Marie must have drifted off to sleep for a while

because when she woke up, there was someone’s head nestled on her left shoulder. And not only was he sleeping and snoring, but he was also drooling. Ordinarily, Marie tried to treat everyone with kindness. But this was just too much. And she gave the man a mighty shove, and his head flopped over in the other direction, and some old man accidentally smacked into him while he was walking down the aisle.

The sleeping man woke up with a start and yelped. His eyes popped open. He had no idea what had happened to him, but his neck and back hurt suddenly. He didn’t know if he was hurt intentionally or accidentally. But he was not happy. He yelled out as loudly as possible. “what the hell is happening?” Several people snickered, and the rest put their heads down. They learned over their many years of riding public transportation that it was better to keep your head down and mind your own business if you knew what was good for you.

Now everyone had their head down now as the injured man ranted and raved at anyone and everyone. “If I find out who done this to me, I will kick their ass up and down Federal Street. I will make you sorry for the day you were born. You are a dead man; I promise you that.” Then he stood up and looked around the whole bus as if he could detect who the wrongdoer was by sight or by smell, perhaps.

Marie was afraid of what would happen next. She regretted her behavior the moment after shoving the man’s head off her shoulder. Marie had never acted like that before. She wanted to apologize, but it was too late. She shrunk down into her seat and tried to disappear. She considered pulling the cord to stop the bus so she could get off before things got out of hand. It seemed as if many of the other passengers had the same idea as there was suddenly a mass exodus from the bus at the next stop. The man was eyeing everyone closely to see if he could determine who the culprit was.

Marie tapped her victim on the shoulder and said, “excuse me, but this is my stop. Would you mind if I got off now?”

He said, “what? Oh, you want to get off. Did you see who pushed me?”

“No, I didn’t. I hope you are alright? Can I get past you, please?”

The man stood up and let her pass. Marie hoped she never had to see him again. She certainly learned a lesson. As she descended the steps to the sidewalk, everyone on the bus looked at her. Because the regulars knew this wasn’t her stop. And they realized that either she was the one who pushed him, or she was terrified to sit next to him any longer.

He seemed intent on finding out who shoved him. Marie waited for the bus to continue down the street and then waited at the corner to take the next bus to her usual stop. Her heart was still pounding from fear. But she had learned a lesson for sure. Keep your head down and your hands to yourself no matter what happens.

When she finally arrived at her stop and took a deep breath. What a terrible day it had been. It certainly set a new low. As Marie walked down the street towards her apartment, she thought I have to make a change. I can’t go on like this anymore. Life is too short. Marie arrives at the door to her apartment building and unlocks it, and steps inside.

Her apartment is on the second floor. She gets her mail and starts walking up the steps. She is so thoroughly disheartened that she doesn’t know if she has the energy to climb the steps. She has to stop twice to take a deep breath and finally makes it. Marie unlocks her door and steps inside. It feels like she has been gone for a week instead of a day.

Marie takes her coat off and throws it over the back of her couch. And plops down in the middle, and she immediately realizes that she forgot about the spring under the middle cushion sticking up, and she yelps from the sudden, unexpected pain. “Well, serves me right,” Marie says out loud.

Marie knows she should look in the refrigerator for something to eat for dinner. But she decides to heat a can of soup in the microwave. She opens the cabinet and realizes that she needs to go food shopping and the one and only remaining can is beans. Marie knows beans will upset her stomach and her stomach is already in a knot. And she doesn’t want to be up all night from a stomach ache.

Marie doesn’t hold out much hope for something to eat in the refrigerator, but she takes a look anyway. She finds a hot dog but no hot dog roll. There is a hamburger roll, so she nukes the hot dog, cuts it in half, and shoves it into the hamburger roll. When Marie takes a seat at her kitchen table, she almost falls onto the floor because she forgot about the broken leg on her chair.

Marie stares at the hot dog in the hamburger roll and decides she deserves better than this. She has worked hard every day of her life since she aged out of the foster care system at seventeen. She tosses the hot dog sandwich into the trash, grabs her purse, and heads to the door. She closes the door behind her and heads back down the steps. Her stomach is growling with a vengeance now since she hasn’t eaten a thing all day.

As Marie steps back outside her apartment building, she looks to the right and the left. She sees a sign down the street that says, “GRAND OPENING.” She heads in that direction. The street is crowded with people headed home from work.

 She’s almost at the new shop when she hears someone call out her name, “Marie, Marie wait up.” She turns around to see who is calling her name and it is one of the tenants from her apartment building. She can’t remember her name. She decides to wait up for her. Marie suddenly recalls the woman’s name is Sarah. She doesn’t really know her. Even though they have both lived in the building for over ten years.

“Hello, Marie are you going to eat at the new restaurant today?”

“Yes, I was. I don’t have any food left in my place and I don’t have the energy to go food shopping today.”

“Do you mind if I join you? I get so tired of eating alone and not having anyone to talk to.”

“Yes, sure. That would be nice. I get tired of eating alone too. There is a short line outside the restaurant. So, they stand there and wait their turn. “Well, it is a nice day outside at least. I hope we don’t have to wait too long. So, Marie, I don’t think I ever asks you before but where do you work?”

“I work in a sandwich shop.”

“What, your kidding? Do you like working there?”

“No, I’m sick of making sandwiches all day. I should look for another job that pays more. It just seems like by the end of the day I just don’t have any energy.”

“I hear you. I felt that way for a long time and then I decided to start looking for a new job that paid better. It took me about a month I applied for every job in the area that had an opening. And I finally found a great place to work.”

“You did? What kind of job did you find?”

“Well, I found a job working in a shelter for homeless people. I know that sounds depressing but I love it. I feel like I’m really making a difference in other people’s lives. And I realized that my life isn’t as bad as I thought. I have a nice apartment, I can pay my bills. I have my cat who keeps me company.”

Marie looks at Sarah and says.” I guess you’re right. Things could certainly be worse. It must be awful not to have a place to live or even a place to sleep every day. I can’t imagine how stressful that must be.”

“Oh good, it’s our turn to get a seat. I could eat a horse, Sarah. I’m that hungry.”

Sarah laughs and says, “well I don’t think that will be on the menu.” And they both sit down at the nearest empty table and pick up a menu.

“You’re right Sarah it’s not on the menu. But spaghetti and meatballs are and that’s my favorite dinner.”

“You’re kidding mine too. I’m so glad I ran into you today. I don’t know why we never did this before.”

“Hey, they serve wine here. Would you like to share a bottle, Marie?”

“Well, I’ll have a glass maybe, I haven’t eaten all day and I rather not get drunk. I’m not used to drinking.”

“So Marie, there is an opening at the shelter do you think you like to come to fill out an application. The pay is pretty good and there are health benefits too. All the people that work there are nice. What do you think, interested?”

“Well, I don’t know. What am I saying, of course, I’m interested. I hate my job. It’s boring and tedious. I have to stand all day. Yes, please. Can I give them your name as a reference? Believe it or not, I don’t really know that many people even after living here for ten years. I just go to work and come home. I rarely go anywhere except food shopping.”

“Well, Marie you won’t be bored working there. And like I said, everyone that works there is nice. They care about other people. And at the end of the day, you feel like you are really making a contribution and helping people. Oh good here comes dinner.”

They both eat quietly, Marie said, “wow, that was so good and the prices are great. maybe I should go out to eat more often.”

“Well, I would like to go out to eat more often too. So how about you and I plan on going to eat together at least once a week?”

“Really, Sarah that would be great. Let’s see what’s for dessert. Marie picks up the menu again and says,” Cheesecake. I haven’t had that in years.”

“Oh, I love that too. Order two, my treat. Say, Marie, I’m on a bowling team and we are down one person. She moved to New Jersey. Do you play?”

“Well, when I was a kid, I was in a bowling league. But that was a long, long time ago.”

“So, it’s great fun. How about it? We meet every other Thursday night at the Bowlarama on 4th street. We can take the bus from the corner?”

‘Really, that sounds fun. Yes, I would love that.”

“Wow, that cheesecake was the best. How about taking a walk. It’s such a nice night? You can tell me about your day.”

“My day well, it was boring as usual until the bus ride home. Well, that’s a long story I’ll tell you while we’re walking…..

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THE EAVESDROPPER

We all come into this world with talents and abilities. Some people are artists, some people are mathematicians or engineers, others are gifted linguists. The list goes on and on.

My talent is that I am a natural eavesdropper. Yes, that’s what I said I’m an eavesdropper. I initially became aware of my ability at a young age. I grew up in a large family with ten siblings. I was the youngest child.

I have siblings that are fifteen and twenty years older than I am. They were dating before I began elementary school. I was absolutely fascinated with the romantic activities of my elder brother and sisters. Their secret conversations on the phone as they hid in the hall closet, the notes they had tucked into their school books and jewelry boxes and purses or underwear drawer.

Try as they might to keep their secrets they couldn’t keep anything from me. Of course one of the reasons I knew all about their secrets was that they were barely aware of my existence. They ignored my presence in their lives as if I was merely a fly buzzing annoyingly in their faces. That they had only to shoo away with a wave of their manicured hands.

I became aware of their activities by chance. One late afternoon before dinner I happened to be reading one of my Nancy Drew Girl Detective Mysteries as I was lying on the rag rug on my bedroom floor. And I heard voices whispering. I looked all around but I couldn’t determine exactly where the voices were coming from. And then suddenly I realized I was hearing my oldest sister talking to what sounded like a boy. And the voices were coming from the radiator vent on the wall near where I was lying on my little rug.

I placed my ear flat against the heating grate on the wall. It was a little hot but I persisted. I breathe as quietly as I could. It was my next to oldest sister, Ellen. The boy was asking her if she was going to go to the Friday night dance at school that week. And she said, ” of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I so look forward to dancing with you holding me in your big, muscular arms.”

I almost gave myself away at that point because she was making me sick talking about all that mushy stuff. I should have stopped listening at that point. But I didn’t. I wanted to know more. My older sisters and brother never told me anything because they said I was nothing but a big baby. And I always ratted them out to my parents.

Then the boy said he was looking forward to seeing her at the dance in her new dress. Since he always saw her in the ugly school uniform. My sisters who are in Catholic High school had to wear plaid skirts down past their knees and a vest and blouse that had a Peter Pan collar. And big, old shoes that looked like the ones people wear when they go bowling. And the best thing of all was the beanie that girls had to wear on the top of their heads. The beanie was held on with five or six bobby pins. Little did I know that one day in the not too distant future I too would be wearing the same thing. I heard some heavy breathing after that. And then I heard my mother yelling up to me, “it’s time to take your bath.”

I kept telling her I didn’t need her to give me a bath that I was a big girl now. But she insisted I didn’t do a good job washing myself. Because one time I forgot to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. I yelled down at the top of my voice, “later mom, I’m busy.”

Then she said, “you better get down here right now before I have to come and get you.”

I knew then I better get down there or I was going to be in big trouble. So, I got my pajamas out of the drawer and went downstairs to get a bath. All I could think about was now I won’t find out what my sister and her boyfriend are going to do on Friday night.

And this was the beginning of my career as an eavesdropper. It just so happens that I am a curious albeit nosy person. Soon after I overheard my sister and her boyfriend’s conversation I decided that whenever I had the opportunity to listen through the heating grate I would.

And in this way, I found out about all the things that were going on with my parents and my sisters and brothers. I also found my middle sister’s diary. Which is a book where you write down all your hopes and dreams and all your feelings. But after I read the diary the first time I decided it wasn’t a good idea. I realized I didn’t want to know how my sister felt about everything. Especially when I read the part where she complained that she thought I was an obnoxious brat. That made me feel really bad since she was my favorite sister up until then. It changed the way I felt about her.

One Saturday afternoon I was up in my room trying on one of my sister’s clothes. I was being really careful because if she found out I was messing with her clothes she would probably kill me. So, I was being really quiet and I don’t think anyone knew I was home.

And all of a sudden I heard my father yelling at someone. I was afraid that he was yelling at my mother. I couldn’t stand it when my parents had fights. One of my friend’s parents used to fight all the time and then after a while, the father moved out and they got divorced. And my girlfriend hardly ever saw her dad after that because he married another lady and they had a kid together. I never even heard of people getting divorced before.

So when I heard my father yelling I was afraid he was mad at my mom and they would get a divorce. Then I heard the other person and it turned out it wasn’t my mother it was my brother. He apparently had a car accident and his car got wrecked. But luckily he didn’t get hurt. But all the same my father was as mad as I ever heard him be.

Just then my mother came home and when she came it she said she overheard them yelling from two houses away. And that they needed to stop. Then she said, “what are you yelling about anyway?”

My brother said, “I was in a car accident this morning on the way to work and the car got wrecked.”

“My mother said, “are you alright?”

“Yes, Mom I’m alright. But the car isn’t.”

My mother said, “why don’t we all sit down and decide what is the best thing we can do right now.” My father said, “well for one thing he can start taking the bus back and forth to work until he saves enough money to buy another car.”

My brother let out a sound like a whimper. I thought he was going to start crying. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. I had never seen my brother cry. I guess he really loved that car. He said, “Yeah, OK, I’ll start working some overtime and save money to get another car.”

My mother said, “alright you two need to clear out of the kitchen because I have work to do in here.

I realized in that moment that everything important that happened in my house happened in the kitchen. It was really the center of our family’s life. Which was great for me because there was a heating grate on the floor next to the kitchen table. Almost all the family conversations happened at the kitchen table.

One day I came home from school and my parents weren’t there. Which was really unusual. Almost every day when I got home from school my mother would be standing at the ironing board ironing all afternoon. Until it was time for her to start cooking dinner.

I couldn’t imagine where they could be. My mother was always home when I came home from school. And she would be waiting for me and my sisters with glasses of cold milk and homemade cookies. But she was nowhere in sight.

After about an hour I started to get worried. It was so weird that no one was home and no one called to let me know where they were and what they were up to. And even though my sisters didn’t like me and were mean to me I still loved them and wanted them to be OK.

And about a half-hour later my oldest sister called and told me that they were at the hospital with my mother. but they would be home by dinner time and they would be bringing home pizza for dinner. I all but shouted, “pizza, yeah pizza.” And then I remembered she said something about my mother being in the hospital.

“What do you mean mommy is in the hospital?” “What do you think I mean? She’s at the hospital having the baby.”

I said, “baby what baby?”

“Your new baby brother, that’s who. Why are you so dumb? Couldn’t you see she was getting ready to have a baby? She had that big stomach?”

“Big stomach, I just thought she ate too much and got fat. Why would she want to have another baby? She has me.”

“How would I know there’s hardly any room in the house as it is. And we only have one bathroom. Anyway, she won’t be home for a few days. But the rest of us will be home in about a half-hour with the pizza. Don’t get into any trouble. Why don’t you set the table while you’re waiting? Make yourself useful for once. And how come you didn’t know Mom was having a baby, Miss know it all? Always being in everyone ease’s business all the time. We all know that you listen to everything that is going on through the heating vent.”

“You do? How did you know that?”

“Well, Little Sis, did you know that we can hear you breathing and snickering through the vent in the kitchen just as easily as you can hear us up in your bedroom? You know we grew up here and we all used to do the same thing. So ha, ha, ha on you.”

I hung up the phone and got the dishes and silverware out and the napkins and set the table. I also climbed up on the counter and got down glasses, and the picture of ice tea out of the fridge. The whole time I kept thinking my mom had a baby and nobody told me. Why, oh why did we need to have another baby? I’m the baby of the family. I felt really sad and lonely.

When my dad and my sisters and brother came home they were all excited about the baby. When they came in the front door and into the kitchen I was standing at the counter waiting for them. My older sister said,”well look at you. maybe you’re not such a baby after all. Are you ready for some pizza?”

“Yes, I love pizza. When is Mom coming home? What does the baby look like?”

“Mom will be home in a couple of days. Having a baby is a lot of hard work. She’s tired. And when she gets home she will still be tired. We all have to help even you, nosy.”

I quietly nodded my head. And then my big sister said, “let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Two days later my mom came home. Her stomach still looked big, and I was afraid she going to have another baby. She came over to me and gave me a big hug and said, “everyone told me that you were a big help when I was in the hospital. Would you like to meet your little sister now? You’re her big sister now and you have to protect her and help take care of her.”

“I will Mom, can I see her?” So I uncovered the baby’s face and it was all red and she started screaming at the top of her lungs. I said, “What’s wrong with her? Make her stop, make her stop.”

“She’s just hungry why don’t you ask your sister to show you how you get a bottle ready for the baby?”

“OK. So I ask my big sister, Ellen,” please show me how to get the baby her bottle. Hey nobody told me what the baby’s name was?”

My sister said, “Mom wants to call the baby Isabella. It means beautiful. She named you Alaine, which means precious.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“No, you don’t know everything but from now on we’ll try to keep you in the know and not surprise you with a new sister or brother again. So you promise not to snoop and listen in on private conversations anymore, OK?”

I said OK, but I crossed my fingers so it wasn’t really a lie. And I kept on snooping to this day because I didn’t want to be left out of the loop again. So I lived to snoop another day. And this time I made sure that nobody knew I was still snooping. I knew it would be a talent that I could use in the future. Who knows I could become the next Nancy Drew Detective.

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THE EAVESDROPPER

We all come into this world with talents and abilities. Some people are artists, some people are mathematicians or engineers, others are gifted linguists. The list goes on and on.

My talent is that I am a natural eavesdropper. Yes, that’s what I said I’m an eavesdropper. I initially became aware of my ability at a young age. I grew up in a large family with ten siblings. I was the youngest child.

I have siblings that are fifteen and twenty years older than I am. They were dating before I began elementary school. I was absolutely fascinated with the romantic activities of my elder brother and sisters. Their secret conversations on the phone as they hid in the hall closet, the notes they had tucked into their school books and jewelry boxes and purses or underwear drawer.

Try as they might to keep their secrets they couldn’t keep anything from me. Of course one of the reasons I knew all about their secrets was that they were barely aware of my existence. They ignored my presence in their lives as if I was merely a fly buzzing annoyingly in their faces. That they had only to shoo away with a wave of their manicured hands.

I became aware of their activities by chance. One late afternoon before dinner I happened to be reading one of my Nancy Drew Girl Detective Mysteries as I was lying on the rag rug on my bedroom floor. And I heard voices whispering. I looked all around but I couldn’t determine exactly where the voices were coming from. And then suddenly I realized I was hearing my oldest sister talking to what sounded like a boy. And the voices were coming from the radiator vent on the wall near where I was lying on my little rug.

I placed my ear flat against the heating grate on the wall. It was a little hot but I persisted. I breathe as quietly as I could. It was my next to oldest sister, Ellen. The boy was asking her if she was going to go to the Friday night dance at school that week. And she said, ” of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I so look forward to dancing with you holding me in your big, muscular arms.”

I almost gave myself away at that point because she was making me sick talking about all that mushy stuff. I should have stopped listening at that point. But I didn’t. I wanted to know more. My older sisters and brother never told me anything because they said I was nothing but a big baby. And I always ratted them out to my parents.

Then the boy said he was looking forward to seeing her at the dance in her new dress. Since he always saw her in the ugly school uniform. My sisters who are in Catholic High school had to wear plaid skirts down past their knees and a vest and blouse that had a Peter Pan collar. And big, old shoes that looked like the ones people wear when they go bowling. And the best thing of all was the beanie that girls had to wear on the top of their heads. The beanie was held on with five or six bobby pins. Little did I know that one day in the not too distant future I too would be wearing the same thing. I heard some heavy breathing after that. And then I heard my mother yelling up to me, “it’s time to take your bath.”

I kept telling her I didn’t need her to give me a bath that I was a big girl now. But she insisted I didn‘t do a good job washing myself. Because one time I forgot to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. I yelled down at the top of my voice, “later mom, I’m busy.”

Then she said, “you better get down here right now before I have to come and get you.”

I knew then I better get down there or I was going to be in big trouble. So, I got my pajamas out of the drawer and went downstairs to get a bath. All I could think about was now I won’t find out what my sister and her boyfriend are going to do on Friday night.

And this was the beginning of my career as an eavesdropper. It just so happens that I am a curious albeit nosy person. Soon after I overheard my sister and her boyfriend’s conversation I decided that whenever I had the opportunity to listen through the heating grate I would.

And in this way, I found out about all the things that were going on with my parents and my sisters and brothers. I also found my middle sister’s diary. Which is a book where you write down all your hopes and dreams and all your feelings. But after I read the diary the first time I decided it wasn’t a good idea. I realized I didn’t want to know how my sister felt about everything. Especially when I read the part where she complained that she thought I was an obnoxious brat. That made me feel really bad since she was my favorite sister up until then. It changed the way I felt about her.

One Saturday afternoon I was up in my room trying on one of my sister’s clothes. I was being really careful because if she found out I was messing with her clothes she would probably kill me. So, I was being really quiet and I don’t think anyone knew I was home.

And all of a sudden I heard my father yelling at someone. I was afraid that he was yelling at my mother. I couldn’t stand it when my parents had fights. One of my friend’s parents used to fight all the time and then after a while, the father moved out and they got divorced. And my girlfriend hardly ever saw her dad after that because he married another lady and they had a kid together. I never even heard of people getting divorced before.

So when I heard my father yelling I was afraid he was mad at my mom and they would get a divorce. Then I heard the other person and it turned out it wasn’t my mother it was my brother. He apparently had a car accident and his car got wrecked. But luckily he didn’t get hurt. But all the same my father was as mad as I ever heard him be.

Just then my mother came home and when she came it she said she overheard them yelling from two houses away. And that they needed to stop. Then she said, “what are you yelling about anyway?”

My brother said, “I was in a car accident this morning on the way to work and the car got wrecked.”

“My mother said, “are you alright?”

“Yes, Mom I’m alright. But the car isn’t.”

My mother said, “why don’t we all sit down and decide what is the best thing we can do right now.” My father said, “well for one thing he can start taking the bus back and forth to work until he saves enough money to buy another car.”

My brother let out a sound like a whimper. I thought he was going to start crying. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. I had never seen my brother cry. I guess he really loved that car. He said, “Yeah, OK, I’ll start working some overtime and save money to get another car.”

My mother said, “alright you two need to clear out of the kitchen because I have work to do in here.

I realized in that moment that everything important that happened in my house happened in the kitchen. It was really the center of our family’s life. Which was great for me because there was a heating grate on the floor next to the kitchen table. Almost all the family conversations happened at the kitchen table.

One day I came home from school and my parents weren’t there. Which was really unusual. Almost every day when I got home from school my mother would be standing at the ironing board ironing all afternoon. Until it was time for her to start cooking dinner.

I couldn’t imagine where they could be. My mother was always home when I came home from school. And she would be waiting for me and my sisters with glasses of cold milk and homemade cookies. But she was nowhere in sight.

After about an hour I started to get worried. It was so weird that no one was home and no one called to let me know where they were and what they were up to. And even though my sisters didn’t like me and were mean to me I still loved them and wanted them to be OK.

And about a half-hour later my oldest sister called and told me that they were at the hospital with my mother. but they would be home by dinner time and they would be bringing home pizza for dinner. I all but shouted, “pizza, yeah pizza.” And then I remembered she said something about my mother being in the hospital. “What do you mean mommy is in the hospital?”

“What do you think I mean? She’s at the hospital having the baby.”

I said, “baby what baby?”

“Your new baby brother, that’s who. Why are you so dumb? Couldn’t you see she was getting ready to have a baby? She had that big stomach?”

“Big stomach, I just thought she ate too much and got fat. Why would she want to have another baby? She has me.”

“How would I know there’s hardly any room in the house as it is. And we only have one bathroom. Anyway, she won’t be home for a few days. But the rest of us will be home in about a half-hour with the pizza. Don’t get into any trouble. Why don’t you set the table while you’re waiting? Make yourself useful for once. And how come you didn’t know Mom was having a baby, Miss know it all? Always being in everyone ease’s business all the time. We all know that you listen to everything that is going on through the heating vent.”

“You do? How did you know that?”

“Well, Little Sis, did you know that we can hear you breathing and snickering through the vent in the kitchen just as easily as you can hear us up in your bedroom? You know we grew up here and we all used to do the same thing. So ha, ha, ha on you.”

I hung up the phone and got the dishes and silverware out and the napkins and set the table. I also climbed up on the counter and got down glasses, and the picture of ice tea out of the fridge. The whole time I kept thinking my mom had a baby and nobody told me. Why, oh why did we need to have another baby? I’m the baby of the family. I felt really sad and lonely.

When my dad and my sisters and brother came home they were all excited about the baby. When they came in the front door and into the kitchen I was standing at the counter waiting for them. My older sister said,”well look at you. maybe you’re not such a baby after all. Are you ready for some pizza?”

“Yes, I love pizza. When is Mom coming home? What does the baby look like?”

“Mom will be home in a couple of days. Having a baby is a lot of hard work. She’s tired. And when she gets home she will still be tired. We all have to help even you, nosy.”

I quietly nodded my head. And then my big sister said, “let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Two days later my mom came home. Her stomach still looked big, and I was afraid she going to have another baby. She came over to me and gave me a big hug and said, “everyone told me that you were a big help when I was in the hospital. Would you like to meet your little sister now? You’re her big sister now and you have to protect her and help take care of her.”

“I will Mom, can I see her?” So I uncovered the baby’s face and it was all red and she started screaming at the top of her lungs. I said, “What’s wrong with her? Make her stop, make her stop.”

“She’s just hungry why don’t you ask your sister to show you how you get a bottle ready for the baby?”

“OK. So I ask my big sister, Ellen,” please show me how to get the baby her bottle. Hey nobody told me what the baby’s name was?”

My sister said, “Mom wants to call the baby Isabella. It means beautiful. She named you Alaine, which means precious.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“No, you don’t know everything but from now on we’ll try to keep you in the know and not surprise you with a new sister or brother again. So you promise not to snoop and listen in on private conversations anymore, OK?”

I said OK, but I crossed my fingers so it wasn’t really a lie. And I kept on snooping to this day because I didn’t want to be left out of the loop again. So I lived to snoop another day. And this time I made sure that nobody knew I was still snooping. I knew it would be a talent that I could use in the future. Who knows I could become the next Nancy Drew Detective.

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TIME FOR A CHANGE

I was on my way to work driving on the Schuylkill Expressway. The traffic was backed up for about three miles bumper to bumper. It was a beautiful day out, the sun was shining, there was a cool breeze and so I decided I would roll down my back windows. And I made the mistake of taking in a deep breath of air. Only to find I was actually breathing in the car exhaust of hundreds of cars in front of me.

I started coughing and choking. At that moment I decided that I had all I was going to take of my mundane life. I have been driving this same road going to the same job for over ten years. I just could not take another minute of it. I saw an exit ahead of me and I took it.  Heavy Traffic

I really didn’t have any clue what I was doing or where I was going. All I know is I wasn’t going to work today. I decided to head toward the Philadelphia International Airport. I turned on my GPS because I always get lost on my way to the airport. Well, not just to the airport I get lost every time I go anywhere I haven’t been before. The fact is I have absolutely no sense of direction. I spent most of my life making U-Turns because I would go in the wrong direction. And the other half of my life asking strangers for directions.

I follow the directions of the GPS on my phone. And then suddenly I remember that I don’t have my phone charger nor do I have any credit cards with me. I feel like screaming. Why oh why am I so forgetful? I don’t even have old age to blame it on. I’m just so disorganized. What in the world do I think I’m doing? It’s one thing to skip a day of work. But quite another to run away from my job of fifteen years. Not to mention I forgot all about my cat, Ivan the Terrible. Who would take care of him? I must have lost my mind or had a stroke or something.

I decide to pull off the next exit and stop at a fast-food restaurant and get some breakfast. Maybe I have low blood sugar or something. Yeah, that’s it low blood sugar. I see a McDonald’s up ahead and pull into the turning lane. I haven’t eaten at McDonald’s in years. I gave up junk food. I have to admit I loved McDonald’s fries. I decide that one Egg MC Muffin and a side of fries isn’t going to kill me. I pull into a parking spot and head for the door.

A kind of rough-looking character looks me up and down as I pass him in the doorway. I really detest when men look at women like objects. I feel like smacking him. Then I take a second look at him and decide that isn’t such a great idea. I continue into the restaurant and walk over to the line where you place your order. There aren’t too many people in there because it’s a workday. And most people will get a take-out breakfast sandwich and eat it on the way to work. Well, at least the hard-core junk eaters will. I used to be one of them and I hope I’m not on the slippery slide to eating take-out junk food again.

I get my order of fries and eggs MC Muffin and a hot coffee. I decide to eat in my car. So I head out to my car and beep open the lock and plop down in the driver’s seat. I shove about five fries into my mouth and all but swallow them whole. Oh, yeah they are deliciously salty and crunchy. I take a big slurp of coffee and almost burn my tongue off. I all but shout, “crap, my tongue.” And then I hear someone banging on my driver’s side window. I thought, was I yelling that loudly?”

I look out the window and it‘s the scary-looking guy that passed me on the way into the restaurant. I roll down the window a few inches.”Yeah? What is the problem?”

He taps on the window and mimes that I should roll the window down more. I think, no way, Jose. And I shake my head back and forth. He yells, “open it or I’ll make you sorry you were ever born.”

Now I’m shaking in my boots. I’m about to pull away when he bangs on the window, hard. And not only that he‘s pointing a gun at me. I’m about to put my car in reverse when I see him cock the trigger. I think, maybe I’m still in bed dreaming. This isn’t really happening. And then why? Why me?”

He is looking straight into my eyes and he has his face pressed up against my window. and he says, “open the door, or I’ll shoot you and take your car.”

I look around and I don’t see anyone in the immediate vicinity who could help me. I open the door a crack. He says, “move over, I’m driving.”

And the next thing I know I’m in the passenger seat and he’s driving with his left hand and he is pointing the gun with his right hand directly at my face.

“Let me go, take the car. You don’t need me. I won’t call the police. You don’t need a hostage.”

“Don’t tell me what to do lady. I had enough of people telling me what I should or should not do.”

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do, only that I will just be an added burden and that you can make a faster get-away without me. I promise I won’t call the police. Just let me go.”

I know I said I was tired of going to the same job and I wanted to have a more interesting and challenging life. But really, this is not what I had in mind. As I sat there thinking this might be my last day on earth. I looked over at this low-life savage and I thought no way, no way in hell that this neanderthal is going to kill me today or any other day.

And that is when I saw that there was a traffic jam ahead of us and that the cars were almost completely stopped about ten cars ahead of us. I knew that when we came to a stop I was going to get the hell out of Dodge and out of this 2003 Mitsubishi, someway, somehow.

And at that moment that my car started to slow down almost to a halt I quietly grabbed a hold of the car handle and pushed through the car door open and propelled myself out of the car and rolled onto the tarmac. And by some miracle, no car ran over me. I jumped up and ran as fast as I could on the highway until I saw a police car about twenty feet ahead of me. And I started screaming at the top of my lungs, “help, help a man hijacked me and my car. Help, help, help.“ I saw a cop walking towards me. And he said in a matter-of-fact way, “what’s seems to be the trouble lady. It isn’t safe to be jogging on the highway are you trying to get yourself killed?”

I looked at him with my eyes almost popping out of my head. “I’m not jogging on the highway officer. I and my car were hijacked at the McDonald‘s when I stopped to get an Egg Muffin and French Fries. I haven’t had one in years. I know I’m babbling but this thug kidnapped me and my car. That’s my black 2003 Mitsubishi back there about ten cars. And the guy driving it is a kidnapper. He threatened to kill me with a gun that he put right in my face.”

“OK, OK I want you to get in my vehicle and calm down we will arrest this guy and you will get your vehicle back as soon as possible. He opens up the back door and I hop in as fast as I can. By now there are a lot of people watching as the traffic was stopped and they were all bored of looking at the vehicles in front of them. In fact, some of them had their heads hanging out of the car windows and are waving at me. I put my head down low as I didn’t want to see my face on Social Media anytime soon.

And I keep my head down. And then a terrible thought crosses my mind. Are they going to arrest that thug and throw him in the back of the car with me? I said, “No way in hell” out loud. And that’s when I start to open the back door of the car and attempt to get out and yell, “don’t put that monster in the car with me.”

Another police car had pulled up next to the car I was in and the cop in it got out and came over and said, “get back in dear lady, before you get hurt. The guy that stole your car has been arrested and he’s on his way to jail. Your car is being towed to headquarters. As soon as you get to the police station you will give a report of what happened today. And you and your vehicle can be on your way. You will be called to testify against him when he has his day in court. Do you understand?”

” I look up at him and think “yeah, I understand buddy.” But I just nod my head up and down a couple of times. And then I sit back in the chair and think about the turn of events that happened to me. I decided I really didn’t want a life where I never knew what was going to happen on any given day. I like to feel safe and secure. Not in fear of losing my life. But what I did need was a vacation and that is what I was going to do when I finally got to my job. Tell my boss I need a vacation as soon as possible. And I would come back a new woman.

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THE COLLECTOR

It’s isn’t unusual for people to collect things. Collecting is an ordinary activity for people. While it’s true some people take it a step too far. That’s hoarding and I am by no means a hoarder. I’m a collector I pick and choose what I collect. It is not an obsession. I swear to god.

Yes, it’s true that I have been collecting all my life since I was a young girl. I grew up in the fifties and superheroes were popular with kids. I didn’t have any money but I wanted to be able to buy comic books just like all the other kids my age. My favorites were Casper the Ghost, Superman and Wonder Woman, and Archie. 

Mutter Museum skull collection

 

So I would collect soda bottles from my neighbors or on the Main Street downtown from the trashcans. I would take them to the little store on the corner down the street from my house. And then I would turn them in and get money for them. Then I would walk to the News Stand a store that sold newspapers, magazines, and comic books. It was right next to Tony’s the shoe repairman’s shop. Tony was friends with me and I would always stop by and say hello when I went downtown. I kept the comics for years until my father decided they weren’t worth keeping and threw them out while I was at school one day.

I started writing to movie stars and television actors and asking for photographs with their signatures on them. I used to hide these so that no one would throw them out. I have to admit I got a little paranoid about it. I hid my precious collections in places where no one, especially my father would find them. For instance between my mattress and box spring, and in my underwear drawer.

As the years went by I became more particular about the things I collected. I didn’t just collect memorabilia anymore. I kept things that had emotional meaning to me. Like a picture of me with two of my best friends from grade school when we went to the New York Worlds Fair in 1965. You could see the Unisphere in the background.

When I was about nine or ten years old I started visiting the town library and I was simply amazed by the sheer number and variety of books that were available to borrow. And it didn’t cost anything. I just had to fill out an application with my name and address. And I could take out any of the children’s books. It wasn’t a big library. It only had two rooms. The children’s library was in the back. By the time I was about thirteen I had read all the books in the children’s library and the librarians decided I could start reading the adult books. I was immediately attracted to the Mystery Books. I spent almost all my free time reading.

My love of reading initiated my desire to start collecting books on subjects that interested me. It ignited a desire to learn. Reading became a means to escape from the unpleasant things in my life. I became a collector of knowledge starting with animals and ending with curiosity about the stars and the universe.

It wasn’t long before my book collection was larger than the library of my childhood. I had to buy a bigger house with a room that was large and all the walls were lined with bookshelves.

I spent all my free time going to estate sales and book sales. I met a lot of interesting people at these sales. Often I would see the same people repeatedly. We often had discussions about all the different places that we frequented to find our treasures. I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback by the crazy things that some of them collected.

There was one woman that only collected Cook books, an elderly man that only collected fountain pens. A middle-aged man that collected colored pencils, but only used colored pencils not new ones. He said pencils that had been used still held the thoughts and talents of the previous owner’s within them. The most unusual collector traveled the world collecting the stickers from bunches of bananas that people bought at the food store. I couldn’t imagine why. He told me his followers sent him banana stickers from all over the world. I could not comprehend what kind of people would follow someone that collected banana stickers.

It really staggered my mind how people spent their time and money on anything as useless as banana sticker, or even one poor soul that collected chap sticks. He assured me that they were in pristine condition, never used. He had 6,000 of them and he insisted that they were all different. How is that even possible?

The years passed by quickly and at long last my library shelves were filled and I had to start stacking them on the floor. Soon my floor was covered with books. And I had to make a pathway to my bed. One morning I woke up with a start and I had what I can only explain as Divine Inspiration. I would start collecting the subjects of my books, and not just the books. I spent the next month perusing all my books and trying to decide what I should start collecting.

My latest book was about spiders. Well not so much spiders themselves but arachnophobia. The fear of spiders. I was trying to overcome my phobias at the time. And my greatest fear was spiders. It was a childhood fear that I was never able to overcome. But I decided in that moment on that morning that I was going to overcome my fear of spiders by surrounding myself with them. Well, I don’t mean everywhere just on the third floor of my house. It was a large area and up until now the only thing I collected up there was dust.

I found a place called INVERTS. They promised that they had the absolute best inverts for sale in the WORLD. That you could find spiders, tarantulas, moon crabs, centipedes, millipedes and scorpions. I drove three hours to their establishment. I was there before they opened. The owner finally arrived and was surprised to see someone in his parking area. It turned out that they did most of their business online.

All the same, he asked me to wait a few minutes and then he would open up his shop and I could spend as long as I wanted to look to my heart’s content.

I spent five hours studying all the creatures. And slowly I developed a fixation about them. The sheer number of different and unusual species. The variation in shapes colors and size. I decided that I had to have not one, not two but every species eventually.

I began my collection with arachnids. They are an arthropod group that includes spiders, daddy longlegs, scorpions, mites, and ticks. I decided to start with the Poecilotheria metallica. It is known to be one of the worlds most colorful and beautiful spiders. It was so beautiful I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. It look like it was made of sapphire. The owner of the store told me it was from India. He also mentioned that it would grow to be about eight inches. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She had an egg sac and the owner said he would sell that too if I wanted it. But I had to be aware that there could be a thousand spiderlings (babies)He pull a pad of paper out of his pocket and wrote a large sum of money on it.

I stared at the figure for five minutes and then I said, “yes, I’ll take her.” And that my friends was the beginning of a short but intense love affair. I purchased a habitat and supplies for her.

“Are you certain that you want to take the egg sac? The number of spiderlings is quite impressive and difficult for an inexperienced collector to care for. I suggest you take one of the males. They don’t grow as large and you won’t have the additional responsibility of the spiderlings. If you want I can keep the female until the spiderlings are born and then you can take her and the spiderlings can survive independently?

“No, I’m sure I am capable of taking care of a spider and it’s offspring. I’ve been preparing for this kind of collection my whole life. If you would just gather everything that I will need right now to care for them including the crickets or any other food you feel that they need?”

And that my friends was the beginning and the end of my days of collecting. As soon as I arrived at home I brought my beautiful Sapphire female and egg sac to their home on the third floor.  I spent the entire day setting up their habitat and making sure the temperature on the third floor of my house was optimal for them. I place the female in her tank. It was quite large. I wanted her to feel at home and not confined. I placed a small tree trunk in there for her to nest in. And she settled in. I couldn’t stop watching her. Even though she wasn’t moving around that much.

The owner of the store told me it took about eight months for the spiderlings to emerge so I expected them in the next week or so. I had to go out one afternoon to have my car tuned up because it was due for inspection the following week so I was out for several hours. I had overslept that morning and I was in a rush and apparently I left the cover of Peacock’s aquarium uncovered. That’s what I call her Peacock.

I had to wait in a long line at the car inspection station so I was delayed even longer. When I arrived home I headed up to the third floor to check on Peacock. I was so excited about the coming of the spiderlings. I was out of breath from running up the steps two at a time and I turned on the light and ran over to Peacock’s habitat. She was there but her egg sac wasn’t. I noticed several tiny spiders within the habitat. But where were the others? And that is when I realized that the cover was off. I yelled, “oh no the spiderlings got out.” I panicked, I stood there immobilized. I didn’t know what to do. I decided to call up the pet store where I purchased Peacock and ask him what to do.

“Hello, hello I have a problem. I’m the person that bought the Peacock Spider. Her spiderlings got out they are all over the place what can I do?”

“How did they get out?”
“I forgot to put the cover back on the habitat. And then I went out and now they are everywhere. What can I do?”

“That is unfortunate. This is why I advised you to just take the Peacock and not the egg sac. There could be a thousand babies. The easiest thing to do is to get your vacuum and suck them up. You have to be thorough if you miss even a few you will soon be overrun. Another solution is spray them with bleach and water, or essential oils and water, or pour boiling water on them. Or using a fly swatter and put them in a plastic bag.”

“Oh my that just sounds heartless, I don’t know if I can do it. I’ve been waiting so long to see them.”

“Well, the only other suggestion I have is to open all the windows up and some of them will go out the window and then at least they will have some chance at survival. If you leave them unfettered they will eventually mature and you can capture them because they will be large enough to catch. But if you don’t capture all of them they will start reproducing. And then you will have a monumental problem and your whole house will have to be fumigated. Good luck. Let me know how it all turns out.”

And then he hung up the phone without another word. I decided to use the open window method. And I blocked all the vents on the third floor and covered door jam so they couldn’t get out into the rest of the house. This was all because of my carelessness. I shouldn’t have gotten the spider sac that was a mistake. What was I thinking? I went downstairs and drank six cups of coffee. I was really wired. I decided to go out to dinner and a movie and then come back and see what was what?

When I got home from the movie I didn’t think my choice of moves was stellar either. I watched  The Darkest Hour. A movie about an alien invasion that did not end well. I stopped at a bar on the way home and had a beer and a shot. Between the six cups of coffee and the beer and a shot, I was both wired and tipsy.

I drove slowly home afraid I would have a car accident. Two block from my house I got pulled over by a local cop and he insisted on doing a breathalyzer because I was driving too slowly. And then I told him I only had a shot and a beer and six cups of coffee. I wanted to confess to him about the invasion of thousands of spiderlings. But I thought if I did he would really think I went off the deep end. And he would cart me off to jail for sure.

He let me off with a warning and I continued on my way home. This had to be one of the worse days of my life up ’til now. I decided that when I got home I would have just grit my teeth and just vacuum the hell out of my third floor and pray that none of the spiderlings managed to get down to the first or second floor.

I dragged the vacuum upstairs and spent the next two hours vacuuming the floor over and over and then I took off the vacuum bag and put it into two plastic bags and took it out to the trashcan and dropped into and secured the lid on as tightly as possible. I guess time would tell. I went back to the third floor and wiped down the windowsills and closed the windows. What a day. I looked into the habitat and Peacock was busy with her remaining babies. I fed her and turned out all the lights. I was tuckered out. I went downstairs and took a hot shower and fell into bed and didn’t wake up until 9 AM the next morning.

I laid in bed and thought about all that had transpired. It was clear that perhaps collecting live creatures was not for me. So, I decided to take Peacock and her remaining offspring back from whence she came. I would only collect inanimate objects in the future. And then I remembered my childhood fascination with weapons especially knives, guns, weapons and cannons.

 

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