Tag Archives: nosy

THE EAVESDROPPER

We all come into this world with talents and abilities. Some people are artists, some people are mathematicians or engineers, others are gifted linguists. The list goes on and on.

My talent is that I am a natural eavesdropper. Yes, that’s what I said I’m an eavesdropper. I initially became aware of my ability at a young age. I grew up in a large family with ten siblings. I was the youngest child.

I have siblings that are fifteen and twenty years older than I am. They were dating before I began elementary school. I was absolutely fascinated with the romantic activities of my elder brother and sisters. Their secret conversations on the phone as they hid in the hall closet, the notes they had tucked into their school books and jewelry boxes and purses or underwear drawer.

Try as they might to keep their secrets they couldn’t keep anything from me. Of course one of the reasons I knew all about their secrets was that they were barely aware of my existence. They ignored my presence in their lives as if I was merely a fly buzzing annoyingly in their faces. That they had only to shoo away with a wave of their manicured hands.

I became aware of their activities by chance. One late afternoon before dinner I happened to be reading one of my Nancy Drew Girl Detective Mysteries as I was lying on the rag rug on my bedroom floor. And I heard voices whispering. I looked all around but I couldn’t determine exactly where the voices were coming from. And then suddenly I realized I was hearing my oldest sister talking to what sounded like a boy. And the voices were coming from the radiator vent on the wall near where I was lying on my little rug.

I placed my ear flat against the heating grate on the wall. It was a little hot but I persisted. I breathe as quietly as I could. It was my next to oldest sister, Ellen. The boy was asking her if she was going to go to the Friday night dance at school that week. And she said, ” of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I so look forward to dancing with you holding me in your big, muscular arms.”

I almost gave myself away at that point because she was making me sick talking about all that mushy stuff. I should have stopped listening at that point. But I didn’t. I wanted to know more. My older sisters and brother never told me anything because they said I was nothing but a big baby. And I always ratted them out to my parents.

Then the boy said he was looking forward to seeing her at the dance in her new dress. Since he always saw her in the ugly school uniform. My sisters who are in Catholic High school had to wear plaid skirts down past their knees and a vest and blouse that had a Peter Pan collar. And big, old shoes that looked like the ones people wear when they go bowling. And the best thing of all was the beanie that girls had to wear on the top of their heads. The beanie was held on with five or six bobby pins. Little did I know that one day in the not too distant future I too would be wearing the same thing. I heard some heavy breathing after that. And then I heard my mother yelling up to me, “it’s time to take your bath.”

I kept telling her I didn’t need her to give me a bath that I was a big girl now. But she insisted I didn’t do a good job washing myself. Because one time I forgot to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. I yelled down at the top of my voice, “later mom, I’m busy.”

Then she said, “you better get down here right now before I have to come and get you.”

I knew then I better get down there or I was going to be in big trouble. So, I got my pajamas out of the drawer and went downstairs to get a bath. All I could think about was now I won’t find out what my sister and her boyfriend are going to do on Friday night.

And this was the beginning of my career as an eavesdropper. It just so happens that I am a curious albeit nosy person. Soon after I overheard my sister and her boyfriend’s conversation I decided that whenever I had the opportunity to listen through the heating grate I would.

And in this way, I found out about all the things that were going on with my parents and my sisters and brothers. I also found my middle sister’s diary. Which is a book where you write down all your hopes and dreams and all your feelings. But after I read the diary the first time I decided it wasn’t a good idea. I realized I didn’t want to know how my sister felt about everything. Especially when I read the part where she complained that she thought I was an obnoxious brat. That made me feel really bad since she was my favorite sister up until then. It changed the way I felt about her.

One Saturday afternoon I was up in my room trying on one of my sister’s clothes. I was being really careful because if she found out I was messing with her clothes she would probably kill me. So, I was being really quiet and I don’t think anyone knew I was home.

And all of a sudden I heard my father yelling at someone. I was afraid that he was yelling at my mother. I couldn’t stand it when my parents had fights. One of my friend’s parents used to fight all the time and then after a while, the father moved out and they got divorced. And my girlfriend hardly ever saw her dad after that because he married another lady and they had a kid together. I never even heard of people getting divorced before.

So when I heard my father yelling I was afraid he was mad at my mom and they would get a divorce. Then I heard the other person and it turned out it wasn’t my mother it was my brother. He apparently had a car accident and his car got wrecked. But luckily he didn’t get hurt. But all the same my father was as mad as I ever heard him be.

Just then my mother came home and when she came it she said she overheard them yelling from two houses away. And that they needed to stop. Then she said, “what are you yelling about anyway?”

My brother said, “I was in a car accident this morning on the way to work and the car got wrecked.”

“My mother said, “are you alright?”

“Yes, Mom I’m alright. But the car isn’t.”

My mother said, “why don’t we all sit down and decide what is the best thing we can do right now.” My father said, “well for one thing he can start taking the bus back and forth to work until he saves enough money to buy another car.”

My brother let out a sound like a whimper. I thought he was going to start crying. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. I had never seen my brother cry. I guess he really loved that car. He said, “Yeah, OK, I’ll start working some overtime and save money to get another car.”

My mother said, “alright you two need to clear out of the kitchen because I have work to do in here.

I realized in that moment that everything important that happened in my house happened in the kitchen. It was really the center of our family’s life. Which was great for me because there was a heating grate on the floor next to the kitchen table. Almost all the family conversations happened at the kitchen table.

One day I came home from school and my parents weren’t there. Which was really unusual. Almost every day when I got home from school my mother would be standing at the ironing board ironing all afternoon. Until it was time for her to start cooking dinner.

I couldn’t imagine where they could be. My mother was always home when I came home from school. And she would be waiting for me and my sisters with glasses of cold milk and homemade cookies. But she was nowhere in sight.

After about an hour I started to get worried. It was so weird that no one was home and no one called to let me know where they were and what they were up to. And even though my sisters didn’t like me and were mean to me I still loved them and wanted them to be OK.

And about a half-hour later my oldest sister called and told me that they were at the hospital with my mother. but they would be home by dinner time and they would be bringing home pizza for dinner. I all but shouted, “pizza, yeah pizza.” And then I remembered she said something about my mother being in the hospital.

“What do you mean mommy is in the hospital?” “What do you think I mean? She’s at the hospital having the baby.”

I said, “baby what baby?”

“Your new baby brother, that’s who. Why are you so dumb? Couldn’t you see she was getting ready to have a baby? She had that big stomach?”

“Big stomach, I just thought she ate too much and got fat. Why would she want to have another baby? She has me.”

“How would I know there’s hardly any room in the house as it is. And we only have one bathroom. Anyway, she won’t be home for a few days. But the rest of us will be home in about a half-hour with the pizza. Don’t get into any trouble. Why don’t you set the table while you’re waiting? Make yourself useful for once. And how come you didn’t know Mom was having a baby, Miss know it all? Always being in everyone ease’s business all the time. We all know that you listen to everything that is going on through the heating vent.”

“You do? How did you know that?”

“Well, Little Sis, did you know that we can hear you breathing and snickering through the vent in the kitchen just as easily as you can hear us up in your bedroom? You know we grew up here and we all used to do the same thing. So ha, ha, ha on you.”

I hung up the phone and got the dishes and silverware out and the napkins and set the table. I also climbed up on the counter and got down glasses, and the picture of ice tea out of the fridge. The whole time I kept thinking my mom had a baby and nobody told me. Why, oh why did we need to have another baby? I’m the baby of the family. I felt really sad and lonely.

When my dad and my sisters and brother came home they were all excited about the baby. When they came in the front door and into the kitchen I was standing at the counter waiting for them. My older sister said,”well look at you. maybe you’re not such a baby after all. Are you ready for some pizza?”

“Yes, I love pizza. When is Mom coming home? What does the baby look like?”

“Mom will be home in a couple of days. Having a baby is a lot of hard work. She’s tired. And when she gets home she will still be tired. We all have to help even you, nosy.”

I quietly nodded my head. And then my big sister said, “let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Two days later my mom came home. Her stomach still looked big, and I was afraid she going to have another baby. She came over to me and gave me a big hug and said, “everyone told me that you were a big help when I was in the hospital. Would you like to meet your little sister now? You’re her big sister now and you have to protect her and help take care of her.”

“I will Mom, can I see her?” So I uncovered the baby’s face and it was all red and she started screaming at the top of her lungs. I said, “What’s wrong with her? Make her stop, make her stop.”

“She’s just hungry why don’t you ask your sister to show you how you get a bottle ready for the baby?”

“OK. So I ask my big sister, Ellen,” please show me how to get the baby her bottle. Hey nobody told me what the baby’s name was?”

My sister said, “Mom wants to call the baby Isabella. It means beautiful. She named you Alaine, which means precious.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“No, you don’t know everything but from now on we’ll try to keep you in the know and not surprise you with a new sister or brother again. So you promise not to snoop and listen in on private conversations anymore, OK?”

I said OK, but I crossed my fingers so it wasn’t really a lie. And I kept on snooping to this day because I didn’t want to be left out of the loop again. So I lived to snoop another day. And this time I made sure that nobody knew I was still snooping. I knew it would be a talent that I could use in the future. Who knows I could become the next Nancy Drew Detective.

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THE EAVESDROPPER

We all come into this world with talents and abilities. Some people are artists, some people are mathematicians or engineers, others are gifted linguists. The list goes on and on.

My talent is that I am a natural eavesdropper. Yes, that’s what I said I’m an eavesdropper. I initially became aware of my ability at a young age. I grew up in a large family with ten siblings. I was the youngest child.

I have siblings that are fifteen and twenty years older than I am. They were dating before I began elementary school. I was absolutely fascinated with the romantic activities of my elder brother and sisters. Their secret conversations on the phone as they hid in the hall closet, the notes they had tucked into their school books and jewelry boxes and purses or underwear drawer.

Try as they might to keep their secrets they couldn’t keep anything from me. Of course one of the reasons I knew all about their secrets was that they were barely aware of my existence. They ignored my presence in their lives as if I was merely a fly buzzing annoyingly in their faces. That they had only to shoo away with a wave of their manicured hands.

I became aware of their activities by chance. One late afternoon before dinner I happened to be reading one of my Nancy Drew Girl Detective Mysteries as I was lying on the rag rug on my bedroom floor. And I heard voices whispering. I looked all around but I couldn’t determine exactly where the voices were coming from. And then suddenly I realized I was hearing my oldest sister talking to what sounded like a boy. And the voices were coming from the radiator vent on the wall near where I was lying on my little rug.

I placed my ear flat against the heating grate on the wall. It was a little hot but I persisted. I breathe as quietly as I could. It was my next to oldest sister, Ellen. The boy was asking her if she was going to go to the Friday night dance at school that week. And she said, ” of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I so look forward to dancing with you holding me in your big, muscular arms.”

I almost gave myself away at that point because she was making me sick talking about all that mushy stuff. I should have stopped listening at that point. But I didn’t. I wanted to know more. My older sisters and brother never told me anything because they said I was nothing but a big baby. And I always ratted them out to my parents.

Then the boy said he was looking forward to seeing her at the dance in her new dress. Since he always saw her in the ugly school uniform. My sisters who are in Catholic High school had to wear plaid skirts down past their knees and a vest and blouse that had a Peter Pan collar. And big, old shoes that looked like the ones people wear when they go bowling. And the best thing of all was the beanie that girls had to wear on the top of their heads. The beanie was held on with five or six bobby pins. Little did I know that one day in the not too distant future I too would be wearing the same thing. I heard some heavy breathing after that. And then I heard my mother yelling up to me, “it’s time to take your bath.”

I kept telling her I didn’t need her to give me a bath that I was a big girl now. But she insisted I didn‘t do a good job washing myself. Because one time I forgot to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. I yelled down at the top of my voice, “later mom, I’m busy.”

Then she said, “you better get down here right now before I have to come and get you.”

I knew then I better get down there or I was going to be in big trouble. So, I got my pajamas out of the drawer and went downstairs to get a bath. All I could think about was now I won’t find out what my sister and her boyfriend are going to do on Friday night.

And this was the beginning of my career as an eavesdropper. It just so happens that I am a curious albeit nosy person. Soon after I overheard my sister and her boyfriend’s conversation I decided that whenever I had the opportunity to listen through the heating grate I would.

And in this way, I found out about all the things that were going on with my parents and my sisters and brothers. I also found my middle sister’s diary. Which is a book where you write down all your hopes and dreams and all your feelings. But after I read the diary the first time I decided it wasn’t a good idea. I realized I didn’t want to know how my sister felt about everything. Especially when I read the part where she complained that she thought I was an obnoxious brat. That made me feel really bad since she was my favorite sister up until then. It changed the way I felt about her.

One Saturday afternoon I was up in my room trying on one of my sister’s clothes. I was being really careful because if she found out I was messing with her clothes she would probably kill me. So, I was being really quiet and I don’t think anyone knew I was home.

And all of a sudden I heard my father yelling at someone. I was afraid that he was yelling at my mother. I couldn’t stand it when my parents had fights. One of my friend’s parents used to fight all the time and then after a while, the father moved out and they got divorced. And my girlfriend hardly ever saw her dad after that because he married another lady and they had a kid together. I never even heard of people getting divorced before.

So when I heard my father yelling I was afraid he was mad at my mom and they would get a divorce. Then I heard the other person and it turned out it wasn’t my mother it was my brother. He apparently had a car accident and his car got wrecked. But luckily he didn’t get hurt. But all the same my father was as mad as I ever heard him be.

Just then my mother came home and when she came it she said she overheard them yelling from two houses away. And that they needed to stop. Then she said, “what are you yelling about anyway?”

My brother said, “I was in a car accident this morning on the way to work and the car got wrecked.”

“My mother said, “are you alright?”

“Yes, Mom I’m alright. But the car isn’t.”

My mother said, “why don’t we all sit down and decide what is the best thing we can do right now.” My father said, “well for one thing he can start taking the bus back and forth to work until he saves enough money to buy another car.”

My brother let out a sound like a whimper. I thought he was going to start crying. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. I had never seen my brother cry. I guess he really loved that car. He said, “Yeah, OK, I’ll start working some overtime and save money to get another car.”

My mother said, “alright you two need to clear out of the kitchen because I have work to do in here.

I realized in that moment that everything important that happened in my house happened in the kitchen. It was really the center of our family’s life. Which was great for me because there was a heating grate on the floor next to the kitchen table. Almost all the family conversations happened at the kitchen table.

One day I came home from school and my parents weren’t there. Which was really unusual. Almost every day when I got home from school my mother would be standing at the ironing board ironing all afternoon. Until it was time for her to start cooking dinner.

I couldn’t imagine where they could be. My mother was always home when I came home from school. And she would be waiting for me and my sisters with glasses of cold milk and homemade cookies. But she was nowhere in sight.

After about an hour I started to get worried. It was so weird that no one was home and no one called to let me know where they were and what they were up to. And even though my sisters didn’t like me and were mean to me I still loved them and wanted them to be OK.

And about a half-hour later my oldest sister called and told me that they were at the hospital with my mother. but they would be home by dinner time and they would be bringing home pizza for dinner. I all but shouted, “pizza, yeah pizza.” And then I remembered she said something about my mother being in the hospital. “What do you mean mommy is in the hospital?”

“What do you think I mean? She’s at the hospital having the baby.”

I said, “baby what baby?”

“Your new baby brother, that’s who. Why are you so dumb? Couldn’t you see she was getting ready to have a baby? She had that big stomach?”

“Big stomach, I just thought she ate too much and got fat. Why would she want to have another baby? She has me.”

“How would I know there’s hardly any room in the house as it is. And we only have one bathroom. Anyway, she won’t be home for a few days. But the rest of us will be home in about a half-hour with the pizza. Don’t get into any trouble. Why don’t you set the table while you’re waiting? Make yourself useful for once. And how come you didn’t know Mom was having a baby, Miss know it all? Always being in everyone ease’s business all the time. We all know that you listen to everything that is going on through the heating vent.”

“You do? How did you know that?”

“Well, Little Sis, did you know that we can hear you breathing and snickering through the vent in the kitchen just as easily as you can hear us up in your bedroom? You know we grew up here and we all used to do the same thing. So ha, ha, ha on you.”

I hung up the phone and got the dishes and silverware out and the napkins and set the table. I also climbed up on the counter and got down glasses, and the picture of ice tea out of the fridge. The whole time I kept thinking my mom had a baby and nobody told me. Why, oh why did we need to have another baby? I’m the baby of the family. I felt really sad and lonely.

When my dad and my sisters and brother came home they were all excited about the baby. When they came in the front door and into the kitchen I was standing at the counter waiting for them. My older sister said,”well look at you. maybe you’re not such a baby after all. Are you ready for some pizza?”

“Yes, I love pizza. When is Mom coming home? What does the baby look like?”

“Mom will be home in a couple of days. Having a baby is a lot of hard work. She’s tired. And when she gets home she will still be tired. We all have to help even you, nosy.”

I quietly nodded my head. And then my big sister said, “let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Two days later my mom came home. Her stomach still looked big, and I was afraid she going to have another baby. She came over to me and gave me a big hug and said, “everyone told me that you were a big help when I was in the hospital. Would you like to meet your little sister now? You’re her big sister now and you have to protect her and help take care of her.”

“I will Mom, can I see her?” So I uncovered the baby’s face and it was all red and she started screaming at the top of her lungs. I said, “What’s wrong with her? Make her stop, make her stop.”

“She’s just hungry why don’t you ask your sister to show you how you get a bottle ready for the baby?”

“OK. So I ask my big sister, Ellen,” please show me how to get the baby her bottle. Hey nobody told me what the baby’s name was?”

My sister said, “Mom wants to call the baby Isabella. It means beautiful. She named you Alaine, which means precious.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“No, you don’t know everything but from now on we’ll try to keep you in the know and not surprise you with a new sister or brother again. So you promise not to snoop and listen in on private conversations anymore, OK?”

I said OK, but I crossed my fingers so it wasn’t really a lie. And I kept on snooping to this day because I didn’t want to be left out of the loop again. So I lived to snoop another day. And this time I made sure that nobody knew I was still snooping. I knew it would be a talent that I could use in the future. Who knows I could become the next Nancy Drew Detective.

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Love Your Neighbors As You Love Your Enemies As They Are Probably One In The Same

Here it is Monday morning again. The weeks seem to fly by. I’m a writer by trade. I have to produce a weekly story for an online fiction writing site. The problem is that I’m also a procrastinator. And I often wait until the last minute to start writing. Sometimes I have difficulty coming up with an original idea right away. And as the years go by, my ideas seem to flow more slowly each week.

And this week is no different. I sat at my desk for over three hours, and not a single idea came to mind. It’s eleven-thirty, and I have nothing. My mind is a complete blank. I start to panic. And at that moment, I happen to glance out my office window. And I see one of my neighbors coming out of his garage with his dog on a leash. It looks like he is about to take him for a walk. And then a delivery truck pulls up to his curb and parks. The driver emerges from the truck with a relatively large package in tow. The dog barks at him, and the closer the delivery guy comes, the louder the dog barks.

My neighbor, whose name is Jake tries to calm his dog down. He accidentally loses his grip on the dog leash, and the dog lunges at the UPS guy, and he drops the rather large package. I hear noises indicating that something fragile is in the package. And then Jake trips on the curb and falls flat on his face. Jake’s dog growls at the UPS guy, lunges at his leg, and bites down hard. As if he’s biting down on a raw steak or something. The UPS guy screams out expletives so loud that I can hear every word he says. The dog takes off down the street like a bat out of hell. The UPS guy is a close second. He looks mad as hell, and I fear for the dog’s life.

I can no longer see what is going on with UPS guy and the dog. I run to the front door, open it, and look from right to left. I don’t see either of them right away until I hear UPS guy still yelling profanities at the top of his lungs. Then I spy the dog running into our neighbor’s back yard across the street. I see Jake limping across the street and calling out Tuc a the top of his lungs. That’s the dog’s name, Tennessee Tuc. Now the dog, the UPS driver, and Jake are in the neighbors’ yard across the street.

This is the most excitement I’ve seen in our neighborhood in the five years. That’s how long we have lived here. And nothing, absolutely nothing happens here. It is a small development with twenty houses. One street runs through the development, and three streets end in cull-d-sacs. We rarely see anyone. Everyone has a garage, and they go in and out through their garages. If you’re lucky, you will catch one of the neighbors riding their lawnmowers and cutting their grass during the Spring and Summer. Otherwise, our neighborhood seems deserted. I’m not exaggerating. The neighbors do not talk to one another. Occasionally they will wave, but that is a rare occasion.

The next thing I see is a horse running across the street into our front yard. I guess you might be wondering where a horse came from. Well, believe it or not, there’s a horse farm behind our development. One day one of the horses opened the gate and took a walk across the street. And apparently, and decided to use our yard as a toilet. When I went outside, I found a large pile of horse shit. I walk across the street to the owner’s house and tell him, “one of your horses is in our yard. He doesn’t have a harness on him, so I couldn’t bring him home. He came over and took the horse home. Apparently, the horse’s name was Tina. Can you believe it?

Now, I’m having difficulty hearing or seeing what is going on. Since Jake and the dog and UPS guy are at the horse farm, the horses are becoming upset by the commotion. Tuc is barking, and Jake’s yelling for Tuc, and the UPS guy is screaming like a banshee because he is still mad as hell. Barring any common sense, I cross the street to investigate what is going on at the horse farm. Yeah, I don’t know their name either because I only saw the husband going in and out of his barn. And I never saw his wife at all. Can you believe it?

So, now I’m standing at a distance from the action, but not so far away that I can’t see and hear everything coming down. I feel like I’m watching a movie or something. I have no shame. And there is no end to how nosy I am capable of being. Well, we all have our faults. And this is mine.

Tuc is lunging at the UPS guy who has had about enough of the crap that he’s going to take. He starts picking up random rocks from the farmer’s backyard and propelling them at Tuc. At least I thought they were rocks until I got close enough to smell them. And I realize he’s pitching horse dung at Tuck and Jake. For some reason, I find this to be hysterical, and I start laughing so hard that I almost swallow my tongue.

That is when they all turned in my direction and became aware that I was watching them. Apparently, they don’t think this is an occasion for laughter. Because the next thing I know both Jake and UPS guy are picking up and propelling horse shit at me. I yell out, “Hey, what the hell did I do?”

And I get slammed two more times. And then we all look at each other and start laughing. Jake calls his dog over to him and grabs his collar. And then he turns towards the UPS guy and says, “I’m sorry about my dog biting you. Are you alright? Would you like to come back to my house and we can take a look at your bite? Maybe you would like to sit down and have a cup of coffee or something? You know my wife, Sharon, just made some awesome cornbread yesterday. Maybe you like to have some?”

And that is when I got a good look at Jake’s noggin and saw that he had acquired a huge red lump on his forehead from the header he took on his sidewalk. I had to clap my hand over my mouth because I had the strange and misguided idea that this was somehow really funny. I’m sure Jake wouldn’t agree.

I say, “Hey, I’m sorry for laughing. How about you all come over to my house and we can relax for a bit and calm down? And that is how I made my first couple of friends in the neighborhood. And I decided from now on I’m going to start making a more concerted effort to get to know my neighbors. And hopefully, I wouldn’t have to wait for another brawl to take place before I meet them.

It turns out we all had some things in common. Who would have thought? Not me. So, please take my advice, and don’t wait until people start throwing horse dung at you before introducing yourself to them. Life is too short.

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