Monthly Archives: November 2022

A DREAM COME TRUE

When I retired from work at sixty-two, I thought now I could finally relax and enjoy the good life. I will spend all my time reading, painting, writing, and all of my other hobbies. That had I put off all of my working years.

But it didn’t take long before I realized that although I was retired from working forty hours a week, I still had to take care of cleaning and maintaining my home and my garden. I still had to pay the bills. I still had to go food shopping etc, etc, etc.

But what I did make time for was going to estate sales and yard sales. Because I decided that Saturday was going to be my day off. I’m not sure why I loved this activity so much, but I did. Perhaps because it always felt like it was a treasure hunt. And I came to look forward to Saturday mornings with great anticipation. Oh, the thrill of the hunt. 

And so, every Friday morning, I would take a walk down to the local store and buy the newspaper and read the garage sale ads in the classified section of the newspaper. And then, I would write a list of all the local estate and yard sales and their locations and write the directions down so I could drive from one sale to the next.

One of the interesting things that I found out after a short period of time was that there were so many like-minded people going to estate sales, especially in the well-to-do locations. Because there was always a possibility that I might find a real treasure that I recognized their true value and others wouldn’t.

Most estate sale buyers had particular items that they collected. Anything was possible, and they might collect comic books or cookbooks, jewelry, antiques or cameras, and teapots. Really there was no end to the objects that people collected.

Oh, and there was always excitement in the air as the shoppers waited in line outside as the time got closer to open the doors to the public. Most often, there was a limit to how many people could enter the house at any given time. If the house was located in an exclusive high-end home, people really became impatient waiting outside for their chance to enter the home. God forbid anyone cut into line the crowd because they could really get rowdy. You were always afraid that someone would find that perfect treasure. The one you have been hunting for all along.

I looked for anything that was out of the ordinary or unusual. Anything from a chandelier to original art. As people slowly entered the house, the first few people who went in would emerge. Sometimes they would have a triumphant look on their faces or sometimes disappointed. But, you always held out hope that you would finally get that one special object that would complete your collection, no matter what you collected. Or even better, something that was worth a great deal of money, and you could sell it and make a profit.

Then finally, I was number one in line outside the front door. The house was a big, old Victorian home. I just loved the Victorian houses. They were so interesting, and they were all unique. People walked around examining each item that was for sale. It was a treasure hunt for us all.

I had been searching for a Victorian chandelier for my dining room for quite a while. And the moment I entered the living room and I saw the double doors that led to the formal dining room, I saw it. And it was the most beautiful crystal chandelier hanging from the dining room ceiling. And it was perfect. I looked for one of the people running the sale. As I wanted to buy the chandelier before anyone else did. I saw someone in the dining room looking up at the chandelier and checking out the price, and then they whistled and walked away.

I hurried through the double doors to the dining room. The dining room table and chairs were definitely original and almost in perfect condition. On the center of the table, there was a circular burn. It looked like someone had placed a hot dish or container directly on the table. I was standing there shaking my head when I heard someone say, “oh, what a shame. I wonder if it would be possible to have that burn repaired?” I said, “I don’t know, but I would definitely offer a lower price than their asking for it. And then possibly you could have it repaired. It really is a beautiful table, and the chairs look like they have the original seat covers. And they are in excellent shape.” 

“Yes, yes, they do. I love them. I think I might make an offer and see what happens. Good luck. I hope you find something you love as well.”

“Thank you, and I see quite a few things that I would love to get. But my budget is limited. Good luck, I hope you are able to buy the dining room set.”

I saw a woman that looked like she was in charge of the sale, and I walked over to her. “Hello, I’m interested in the crystal chandelier. “Can I make an offer on it?”

“Yes, of course. But you will have to wait until the end of the day to see if your offer has been accepted. If someone makes a higher offer. You could lose it. That would be a shame, and it is a one-of-a-kind chandelier. It is original to the house.”

“Really, well, I definitely will make an offer.”

“Well, there is a woman in the office through that door. She will take your contact information and cell phone number and let you know the outcome. Good luck.”

So, I went through the door. I walked over to the woman at the desk and told her I wanted to make an offer on the crystal chandelier. She handed me a paper, and I wrote down my offer and my cellphone number. She said, “It is a beautiful piece, good luck. There are two more floors. Maybe you’ll find something else that you like.”

I nodded and headed toward the kitchen. There was a small pantry with a table and chair. I was starting to fall in love with this house. It certainly was unique. I wondered how much they were asking for it. And if there was any way I could win the lottery and buy this home.

I walked back to the front door and headed up the stairs to the second floor. At the top of the steps, there was a long hallway with three opened doors. Wow, this house was amazing. The first door opened to a small bedroom that was illuminated by the morning sun. Unfortunately, it had horrible wallpaper throughout the whole room. Aside from that, it was empty. But, I was able to see the possibilities of the room. There was a large closet in the room. And the floor throughout the house had the original wood floors. And I believed that with hard work, they could be restored.

I walked down to the next door and I pushed it open it was the biggest bathroom I had ever seen, but unfortunately, one of my fellow shoppers was sitting on the toilet and going to the bathroom. Before I backed out of the room, I noticed a beautiful tub and shower. The room was black and white with even more hideous wallpaper on the walls. I said, “good lord, who picked out all the hideous wallpaper.?”It looked like it was from the turn of the nineteenth century.

At the end of the hallway, there stood a set of black, wrought iron gates that reached from the floor to the ceiling. I couldn’t imagine what might be behind them. At one end of the hallway to the right a closet that had a door on it and a window. It was empty save for an iron radiator. I gazed out the window and saw a side garden with huge overgrown evergreens and what looked like a balcony on the facing wall.

I left the closet and returned to the hallway and the next closed door. I heard people milling about behind the door. I walked through the entrance, and there was yet another bedroom. It was large and empty. There were about ten people looking around and peeping into the large, empty closet. I couldn’t understand why they were holding an estate sale since there didn’t seem to be anything for sale. And it occurred to me at that moment that they were trying to sell this huge, empty house. As I walked across the room, there was a set of double doors and a balcony. The doors were locked. But I could see the backyard from the balcony. There was a large garage beyond the small backyard.

I saw another door in the bedroom, and it led to a small bathroom. This house certainly had no shortage of doors, rooms, and bathrooms. It was the largest house I had ever been in. And that’s saying a lot because I had gone to a hundred estate sales over the years. All the people who had been standing in line outside were now in the house. And it didn’t seem crowded at all. That’s how big this house was.

There was a wooden door to the right I opened the door, and at least fifty people stood inside the room. It was absolutely the largest room I had ever seen in my life. There was a huge black chandelier hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room. And there was a fireplace on the back wall. The walls appeared to have a surface that looked like spackled cement or something similar to that. The window on the far wall was unbelievably big, and the rest of the wall was covered in floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. I felt small in this room. The view outside the huge window was blocked by two tall trees. But I could see the neighbor’s house across the street.

I walked to the middle of the room and stood there simply amazed by the sheer size of the room and the number of people milling about. Who all had the same amazed look on their faces as I did. I decided to walk back down the hall and go up to what I believed was a door to the third floor. And it turned out that there was indeed a third floor that ran the length of the house. And above that was an attic. I couldn’t believe how huge this house was. I wondered who lived here before and what they did with all the rooms.

And the longer I stood in the middle of this room, the more I realized that this house, this magnificent house, was going to be my house; somehow, some way, I was going to make it happen. And as I stood there and imagined living here, I imagined all the beautiful and unusual artifacts I would be able to find at estate sales and all the fun I would have finding them. And that, my friends, is how I came to find and buy the home of my dreams.

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TO SLEEP OR NOT TO SLEEP THAT IS THE QUESTION

For as long as I can remember, I have suffered from insomnia. Please don’t suggest that having insomnia is not suffering. I can assure you that not getting adequate sleep over long periods of time is exquisitely painful.

WOMAN WITH INSOMNIA

WOMAN WITH INSOMNIA

I do not recall a time when I didn’t have difficulty sleeping. My mother often complained that I would almost nightly come into her bedroom when I was a child and tell her I couldn’t sleep. I would beg to sleep with my parents. They always said, “no, go back to your own bed. And as a result, I would lie awake for the rest of the night with her eyes wide open and unable to fall asleep. I would finally drift off to sleep in the middle of the night. My mother said, “after you wake me up, I’m would unable to fall asleep for hours. And she would get up at six AM clutching her rosary in her hands.

Over the course of my lifetime, my insomnia did not resolve. It evolved. There were times when I would fall asleep but wake up after an hour or two and then be unable to fall back to sleep. I tried reading, praying, and staring out the window into the dark of the night. I would listen to cats fighting, or dogs barking or listen to my next-door neighbors’ knock-down brawls. I often wondered why they didn’t get a divorce. And even though I was a child, I knew it couldn’t be healthy to remain in a marriage where you hated your mate and your children grew up in a home full of anger and resentment.

As I grew into adulthood and moved out of my parent’s house and into my own apartment. Insomnia remained my companion. Although it was an unwelcome companion. Over the years, I tried various sleeping aids in my search for six hours of an uninterrupted night’s sleep. And then, finally, I found Ambien. A new medication that promised six to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. It was a dream come true.

It wasn’t until several months of taking Ambien that I realized there were some unexpected side effects from taking it. And I, unfortunately, suffered the consequences of every one of these side effects. The first side effect I became aware of was that, over several months, I started putting on weight. I was always self-conscious about my weight and being fit. As I exercised every single day. I was extremely careful about what I ate, especially sweets and carbs. I stopped eating animal protein and became a vegetarian.

And so, when I began noticing that my clothes were starting to feel tight. I couldn’t understand why or how this was happening. I decided to get an appointment with my doctor to see if I had developed a thyroid problem. But I found out I didn’t have a hypothyroid problem. The doctor stated that he couldn’t find any organic or biological reason for my weight gain. And he insisted that I must be eating more or eating high-calorie foods and that I wasn’t getting enough exercise. I told him that was certainly not the case since I hadn’t changed my diet or exercise routine in the least.

And finally, I made an appointment with a psychologist to determine if there was a psychological reason why I couldn’t sleep. The doctor felt that one of the reasons I had sleeping problems was that I had depression because of unresolved childhood issues. After several months of talk therapy, the therapist suggested that I set up video cameras in my bedroom and my house and find out what I was doing at night to cause the weight gain.

In addition, as I was leaving his office, he mentioned in passing that some early research indicated that Ambien could cause sleepwalking, sleep eating, and even more, terrifying sleep driving. Why, why, why do doctors wait until you are walking out the door to tell you the most pertinent facts about your health? He told me I should consider going off them.

I just couldn’t bring myself to stop taking Ambien because after I started using them, I was able to fall asleep within fifteen minutes of taking one and sleep throughout the night with no hangover like previous sleeping pills I had taken. I said, “alright, Doctor, I’ll give that suggestion some thought. But I will definitely get the video camera’s set up and see if I am sleepwalking at night. I’ll keep in touch. Thank you for your time.”

So, two days later, I had a guy come to my home and install the video cameras around my home. And he put one in my car. They were all sensitive to movement and would turn on automatically. He told me to wait a few days before checking the cameras. So, I waited and waited, and five days later, I checked all the cameras.

I thought I would find videos of me raiding the kitchen. But no, that isn’t what I saw. What I saw was me wearing my pajamas and slippers and my winter chenille robe. And unbelievably, I was going out the door of my apartment and heading in the direction of the apartment parking garage. And then, I saw myself getting into my car and driving to several fast food restaurants, including McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Domino’s Pizza, and the local all-night family restaurant.

I could hardly believe my eyes. The kind of food I was eating and the amount of food I was eating were unbelievable. I was eating junk food for hours every night, and all the while, I was asleep. Although my eyes were open, I was ordering the food and paying for it and then either gobbling it down while I was driving to the next fast food place or sitting in my car all alone, stuffing my face with one disgusting thing after another.

My final stop was always the all-night family restaurant, where I apparently ate a full breakfast of bacon, eggs, scrapple, and buckets of hot coffee. No wonder I was getting as round as a beach ball. I’m surprised I haven’t had a heart attack yet. Just from the sheer amount of fried foods and calories.

And the fact that I was eating meat made me sick to my stomach and sick at heart. I love animals and gave up eating meat twenty years ago. How could I be doing this? It was so hard to believe. But, obviously true.

And then I considered the obvious I was driving all over town asleep. I could have killed myself or other innocent people. It was worse than driving drunk. It was altogether a nightmare. And the irony of it all was hard to swallow. I was finally sleeping after all these years. But, I did not feel rejuvenated or refreshed, or healthier. I was fat and apparently addicted to Ambien and junk food.

It was clear to me that I needed to go back to the shrink and find out why my subconscious was driving me to undermine my health and my well-being. And making me a danger to myself and all the other people on the road, and highways, and byways where I lived.

After waiting three weeks to get another appointment with my shrink. I had accomplished several important things. I weaned myself off of Ambien. I won’t lie. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I got rid of all the junk foods. I started exercising twice a day, once before I went to bed and first thing in the morning.

I lost about ten pounds in those few weeks before I saw my shrink’s appointment. I felt better because I wasn’t gaining any more weight. And the exercise, including walking five miles a day and working, made me so tired and often fell immediately fell asleep and stayed asleep for six hours. Which was a big improvement for me.

And the talk therapy with my shrink helped me to start resolving the reasons for my ongoing depression and unresolved problems with my family and some of my friends. I found out it was better to talk about problems with my family and friends instead of stuffing it all down with food. After six months, I lost thirty pounds with ten more to go. I feel like a new woman, and that has helped me to stop being so self-critical. My family and I are communicating with one another, and I don’t feel so fueled with anger all the time.

So, I still do have the occasional sleepless night. But, I stay away from Ambien and instead consider what kind of emotional issues I am having at any given time. And I talk with my therapist, and she helps me see what is in plain view. And that I have to make an effort to solve these issues instead of feeding them or obsessing about them all day and into the night. So, with that, I’ll say good day, and I hope you have a good night’s sleep.

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YOU CAN’T ALWAYS TELL A BOOK BY IT’S COVER

It was 1975, and I had recently graduated from the Palm Beach Beauty Academy in West Palm Beach, Florida. I was looking for a job in one of the local hairdressers and was having difficulty getting hired because of the recent influx of newly graduated from beauty school. I had been living in Florida for just over a year and had not found employment. Apparently, if you weren’t a Floridian resident for a least six months, it was difficult to get hired.

Mansion on Palm Beach Blvd. Florida

Mansion of Palm Beach Blvd. Florida

So, I made the decision to go to a hairdressing school. I’m not entirely sure what made me think that I would be a candidate for hairdressing school since I had no previous experience styling or cutting hair. But all the same, I decided to give it a go.

I decided that it might help if I became acquainted with some of the local residents who might want to hire me or knew someone who was looking for newly licensed hairdressers. One day I was reading through the local newspaper and saw an ad for a family who was looking for someone to spend time with their two sons, who were about ten and twelve years old at that time. I thought, what a great job. I loved kids and had previous experiences with my seventeen nieces and nephews when they were young.

So, the next morning I called the phone number of the Palm Beach family and made an appointment to be interviewed for the job. The woman who answered the phone told me to come over the following morning at ten AM shart, and she gave me directions to their home. She told me it was on Palm Beach Blvd. Directly across from the ocean. I was psyched. Because this was one of the most beautiful and affluent neighborhoods in Palm Beach.

When I arrived at the address I was given, I was shocked. This was not just a big house. It was an absolute mansion. As I was parking across the street, I noticed a limousine pulling into their driveway and disappearing from view behind the house. I locked the car door, and as I was walking across the street, it occurred to me that no one was going to steal my ten-year-old Volkswagon when there were BMWs and Mercedes, and Lamborghinis parked along the sidewalk next to the entrance to the beach. But I loved my car and wasn’t taking any chances.

I walked up the front sidewalk and knocked at the front door. I used the door knocker that looked like it was made out of solid gold. And as I waited, I glanced around the front yard and couldn’t help but admire their front garden, which had absolutely stunning landscaping. The flowers, the palm trees, banana trees. It was a tropical paradise.

Suddenly, the front door opened, and a woman who looked about sixty said, “Yes, can I help you? Do you have an appointment with Madam?”

“An appointment? Yes, I do. I am here to be interviewed by the homeowner as a nanny for her two sons.”

“And you are?”

“Oh, yes, of course, my name is Sarah Carlisle. I spoke to her yesterday. And she told me to come here a three PM sharp. So, here I am.”

“I shall advise Madam that you are here. You may come in and wait in the vestibule. Please wipe your feet on the mat before you come in.”

“The vestibule?” I’m not sure where that is. Can you point the way?”

“What? The vestibule is the entryway of the house. Follow me and wait, and I shall advise Madam that you have arrived, and then I will come and escort you to Madam’s office. Please do not touch anything. It is all priceless antiques.”

“Touch anything, and I wasn’t going to touch anything. Good grief. I’ll just stand here until you come back for me. No worries. I’m trustworthy.”

A couple of minutes later, she returned and said, “Madam will see you now. Just follow me.”

So, I followed her, and I was overwhelmed by everything in my view. In the entryway stood a lifesize sculpture of a naked man and woman embracing. And I was so shocked I said, good lord, loudly,” I had never seen any sculptures outside of a museum. The hallway was tiled in the most gorgeous pattern I’d ever seen.

And then I found myself standing outside of two huge doors that were exquisitely carved with vines growing from the bottom of the panels to the top with gorgeous flowers that, if they had not been carved from wood, I would believe were real. The woman knocked at the door on the right and said something I couldn’t hear to the occupant inside the room. And then she looked to me and said, “you may enter now.” She turned sharply on her heels and walked away. And I thought I hope I don’t have to talk to her again.

I took a deep breath and turned the golden door nob, and waited until I heard someone say, “come in, come in.” somewhat impatiently. I pushed the door wide enough for me to go forward, and there sat a petite woman with short, dark hair and glasses. I wondered who she was and if she was the owner of the house or another snooty employee.

“Oh, I’m so happy you were able to come for an interview, dear. I just know you will love working here and taking care of my two boys. Their last nanny had to leave unexpectedly, and they were really heartbroken. They had become quite attached to her. So, please tell me about yourself and what kind of experience you have with children.”

I decided I wasn’t going to tell her that I had just graduated from hairdressing school since she wouldn’t find that very helpful to have a nanny who cut hair. So, I just said, “well, I recently moved to Florida from the North East, to be more specific, New Jersey. And I have been looking for a job, so far I was hired by a company selling high-risk insurance, and they were having problems of some sort and went out of business. So, I decided to try and get a job working with children since I really love kids.”
“Oh, do you have any children, or did you take care of children in the past?”

“Have children? No, but I do have seventeen nieces and nephews who I started babysitting when I was about eleven. And I just love kids. “

“You started babysitting when you were eleven. I can’t imagine that. Didn’t your mother think you were too young?”

“Well, if she did, she never told me.”

“When can you start? I need someone starting on Monday. I’m going to be doing some out-of-town work, and my former nanny’s mother became ill, and she quit without giving me any notice. The boys were devastated because she had been taking care of them since they were babies. My husband and I have to do a great deal of traveling because of our business.”

I can start tomorrow. But I would like to meet your children before that so that they won’t be upset about a stranger taking care of them. Are they available to meet me now?”

“Yes, let me buz the housekeeper and ask her to bring them down. Or perhaps it would be better if she took you upstairs to their rooms to meet them in their own territory?”

A few minutes later, a tall, thin woman with bright red hair came into the room and said, “you rang?”

“Yes, this young lady is going to start tomorrow as the boys’ new nanny. Would you please take her upstairs and introduce her to the boys? I can’t leave the office right now as I’m expecting a call from a client.”

“Follow me, dear. It’s just up the stairs and down the hall.”, She started up the winding staircase to the second level.  At the top of the stairs was an immense picture window, and I could see the entire property from it. It was a true garden of Eden, complete with Palm Trees and coconuts. And a built-in pool that looked large enough for fifty people to swim in with room to spare. I tried not to gasp.

I followed her down a long, long hallway with tropical plants every few feet, including some tropical hibiscus with flowers as big as my head. The floor looked like handmade tile with the family crest on it. It was so shiny it looked like glass, and I could see my reflection in it. “Here we are, dear. Let me introduce you, and you can get acquainted with them. They really are lovely boys, and I hope you will stay with us for a long time. They were heartbroken when Zelda, the former nanny, left. She had been taking care of them since they were babies. They still haven’t gotten over it.”

And then she knocked at the double door on the left, and I heard a voice say, “come in.”

Two young boys were sitting on an antique rug, and they were pushing little cars around a track. When we walked in, they looked up. And she said, “boys, this is your new nanny Sarah. She is starting work here tomorrow. Her name is Sarah, Sarah Carlisle.

Hi guys, you can call me Sarah. I have been looking forward to meeting you guys. I know we are going to have a lot of fun together. I grew up with three brothers, so I know what boys like to do. In fact, if it is alright with your mom, I would like to schedule a trip to the track to watch car races. One of my brothers works there, and he can get us in any time. And we’ll get the best seats in the house in the first row. What do you think?”

And that’s when the boys started jumping up and down. And then Sarah said, “so how do you feel about baseball? Because I have season tickets for all the best games.”

And that is when the two boys j ran over to Sarah and hugged her, and jumped up and down again. Then Sarah said, “and if you write down a list of your favorite activities, I can make a schedule for them so that every week we can do one of your favorite things.”

 OK, boys, how about we take Sarah for a tour of the house and the yard so when she starts tomorrow, she’ll feel right at home? The boys started tugging on Sarah, “come on, I can’t wait to show you our pool, and you won’t believe this we have a regulation-size pool table. Do you know how to play pool?”

“No, but I would love it if you guys taught me how. That would be awesome. So, how about taking me on that tour now.”

After Sarah was shown the whole house, including an immense attic, she was worn out. The boys seemed to be energized. Which was typical for young boys. They never ran out of energy. She knew this was going to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And she looked forward to every minute of it.

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ALL MOBBED UP

As long as I can remember, my life was polluted by secrets. I can’t remember a single day when I was young when I wasn’t terrified that someone would find out my secret. And they would divulge it to everyone I knew, including my friends, neighbors, and workmates. And then what would happen? My life as I knew it would never be the same.

Mob car

I didn’t realize at first that my family was different than all my friends. I had a father and a mother, two sisters and older brothers, and grandparents. We all lived together in a big, old Victorian house in Philadelphia, Pa. I was the youngest. Not to mention the endless number of” Uncles” I had.

My parents told me over and over again that what went on in our house stayed in our house. There were no if, and, or buts. I was warned that there would be dire consequences if I ever told anyone about my family and what they did. I really didn’t even understand what was going on. Because all the meetings that happened in our house were behind closed doors. There were always men coming and going from our house. My mother told me that my father was a businessman and that’s all.

And so, I believed that all these guys were members of our family and they were discussing business. The weird thing was that the people who lived in my neighborhood gave my family, especially my father, a wide berth. All of my “uncles” were big guys with black hair and mustaches. They wore expensive suits and had gold pocket watches. They smoked stinky cigars that bobbed up and down in their mouths when they were talking. I never saw them without cigars. Our house always smelled like cigars.

Once a week, they had a big meeting at our house, and they all marched into my father’s office, smoking their cigars and talking and laughing loudly. After they all arrived, my father would close the double doors to his office and lock the door. Sometimes I could hear them arguing with one another. Occasionally a fight might break out, but that never lasted too long. Because my father, who was a big man, would pick up the guy causing the problem by the seat of his pants and throw him out the front door. I would never see them again. I was always afraid of my father because he was angry, loud, and violent.

One night I snuck down the steps from my bedroom and listened at the door to my father’s office. I could hear my Uncle Vinny arguing with someone, and then I heard my father say, “Hey Joe take Vinny for a ride. He needs to cool off. And that was the last time I ever saw my Uncle Vinny. I was afraid to ask my father where he was. And my mother told me I shouldn’t ask such questions. If I knew what was good for me. I missed my Uncle Vinny. He always bought me black licorice, and it was my favorite. After Uncle Vinny went for the ride, I never saw him again.

What I didn’t know when I was a little kid was that my father was a part of the Mob or Mafia, and he and his cohorts were involved in illegal gambling at the casinos, and the race track, prostitution, and of course, selling illegal alcohol. As I got older, I realized that my family was not like any of my friend’s families. Their fathers were mailmen, factory workers, and mechanics. They worked from nine to five and didn’t have scary men coming to their homes at night. Which often ended with violence. Because of this environment, I became afraid of my father. I wished that I had just an ordinary family.

If any of the kids at school knew my father was in the Mafia, they never said a word to me, and that goes for teachers at school as well. No matter what kind of trouble I got in, I was never held accountable for it. Because nobody but nobody messed with the mob and their families.

My mother was strict with my siblings and me. She wouldn’t tolerate trouble coming to her door. And she really didn’t have to worry about it because nobody was going to rat out me or my brothers or sisters.

 

At some point when I was a teenager, it dawned on me that no matter what I did, I didn’t get into trouble. So, I did whatever I wanted to, and I have to admit I became something of a bully. This didn’t go unnoticed by my older siblings or my father. I couldn’t help but notice that my father seemed kind of proud that the other kids in school were afraid of me.

When I was about sixteen, my father told me he wanted me to start going with him so I could learn the family business. And so that was the end of my formal public school education and the beginning of my life as a member of the Mafia. I have to confess that I loved every minute of it, the power, the influence, and the respect I received from the people in my neighborhood. My childhood was behind me. And my career as a mobster began. And then there was the attention from all the young women in my neighborhood, especially after I bought a 1953 red Buick Skylark. I could have any girl that I wanted.

My brothers and I worked together. We split our time between bootlegging, alcohol and gambling, and prostitution. We were literally rolling in the dough in the late 1950s. That is when my father started getting involved with construction and controlling the Unions in the casinos in Atlantic City. My life was exciting. As I grew older, my power and influence increased, and so did my brothers. We were a family to be reckoned with.

Up until the 1970s, we didn’t feel threatened by the FBI or local police. Even the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) under J. Edgar Hoover didn’t believe that the local Mob families were a federal problem. And local police didn’t have the money or knowledge, or experience to support continual investigations and make cases against members of our families. We were untouchable for many years.

Not to mention that many of the local police departments were easily corrupted by the Mafia. The occasional successful prosecution had little, if any, effect on our businesses and operations. New members could easily be recruited to replace imprisoned colleagues.

And my life went on with little interruption. The Feds tried to build a case against me, but they were never able to prove anything. As I got older, I took over more and more of the responsibility from my father. In fact, my father said that he and my mother were planning on retiring soon, and he wanted me and my brothers to take over the business. And in fact, that is what we did. We took over the Family business.

My brothers and I made a great team, our business was growing, and we were making plenty of money. We even began investing in legitimate businesses. We hope that by doing that, there would be fewer problems with the Feds and the local police. But unfortunately, that is not what happened. The Feds were closing in on us, and by 2010 they had infiltrated the Mob to the extent that one of our members agreed to turn his back on the Mafia and the FBI took us all down. More than twenty-seven Mob bosses were arrested, interrogated, tried, and incarcerated.

And I was one of those. And here I sit and will continue to sit in this jail cell for what will probably be the rest of my life. I will miss the action, the power. But I knew what I was doing, and I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. It was the life I was meant to live. I do regret not being able to be with my family. I miss my children and grandchildren. I hope that one day, they will forgive me and come to visit me. All the money in the world can not make up for losing my family. It was too high a price to pay for power and money. But there is no changing past mistakes. There is only regret.

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AND THE WINNER OF THE LOTTERY IS

I woke up that fateful morning with a sense that something unexpected was going to happen. I’ve always had what I considered a sixth sense. In that, I somehow sensed when something wonderful or something terrible was going to happen.

And on that particular morning, I had a feeling that I was going to win the New Jersey lottery big time. I turned on the news, and I heard that someone had the winning ticket for the Mega Millions Lottery. I had written down my numbers and posted them on the corkboard over my computer desk.

I had decided to put the lottery ticket in my mini-safe in my home office. When I heard the numbers that won, I checked the paper that I written the lottery numbers on the bulletin board. They were identical. I got a chill that ran up my back. I felt faint. I won. I hurried over to the safe and opened the safe to look at the lottery ticket. The lottery ticket wasn’t in the safe. I thought I might have a stroke right then and there. Where the hell was it?

Just then, my wife came into the room and said, “What is all the shouting about? Is everything alright?”

“Do you know where the lottery ticket is that I bought the other day? I posted it on the bulletin board when I got home.”

I haven’t seen it. I thought you told me you weren’t going to waste any more money on lottery tickets and horse races and playing cards for money, not to mention going to the Casinos in Atlantic City every weekend. You promised me you wouldn’t gamble anymore.

Yeah, yeah, I promised. But I had this intense feeling that I was going to win the lottery, and I did. I wrote down the numbers on a piece of paper and stuck it on my poster board in my office, and they matched. But the ticket isn’t in my little safe. It’s gone.”

“Are you sure you put it in your little safe? Maybe you just thought about doing it, and you forgot. You do that all the time. I’ll go through your clothes and your coat pockets and see if I can find it. You better not be pulling my leg about winning the million-dollar lottery. I’ll let you know if I find it right away.

Hellen spent the next forty-five minutes checking the clothes in the laundry basket and the clothes in his drawers. In case, he put the clothes he wore that day back in the drawer because sometimes her husband thought the clothes were still “good” to wear another day or two. And the last thing she did was go through all his jackets, sweaters, and even his heavy winter coat pocket. And just when she was about to give up, she looked in his “lucky sweater.”

And voila, she found the ticket in the top front pocket behind a pack of his cigarettes. At first, she was just mad that he had cigarettes because he had promised her that he quit smoking. But then, when she found the lottery ticket. She forgot all about that.

And she ran into her husband Bert’s office and handed him the ticket. “I found it in your lucky sweater pocket behind your cigarettes. He grabbed it and checked the numbers over and over. And then he stood up and started to jump up and down. He kept screaming I won, I won, I won over and over again. The next thing she knew, she was jumping up and down too. Then they started hugging each other and screaming we won! We won and laughed hysterically.

“Bert, how much did you win?”

“Well, Helen, you’re not going to believe this, but we won ten million dollars. Of course, taxes have to be paid on it, but it’s still millions of dollars. Can you believe it?”

“It feels like a dream. What in the world will we do with all that money?”

“Well, the first thing we can do is pay off our mortgage and all our other bills. Then we can get rid of that old clunker of a car and get a new one. And then we can go on the first real vacation of our lives, anywhere we want to go.”

And then they started hugging each other and jumping up and down again. Then Helen said, “we better not tell anyone that we won this money, or everyone we know and don’t know will be calling us and banging on our door asking for money. So, it has to be our secret. And then we go to the bank and tell them the situation and ask what they think we should do, like what kind of investment we put the money in for the short and long term.

“Helen, we have to contact the New Jersey Lottery office, and they will let us know how to claim the winnings and what to do next,” Bert calls the New Jersey Lottery office and is told he has to come in person with the Lottery Ticket to claim the money and he was told what information and proof of identity he had to bring to the office.

When Bert and Helen arrived at the Lottery Office, they were so excited and wound up they could hardly put two coherent words together. They were taken into the private office of one of the managers, and they showed him the lottery ticket and their ID and proof of address, and banking information.

The Lottery official informed them that the Federal Government would take at least 25% and the local tax would take 13%, and probably tax would take more money up to 37%.

Since they were big winners, the Lottery Official said that a new rule passed that they could remain anonymous for ninety days. Before they announced the winners. He suggested they tell as few people as possible or that they would soon be inundated by people asking, begging, and demanding money from them. They suggested changing their phone number, if possible, not telling anyone they knew about their big win.

Helen and Bert left the office in a fog. They didn’t say anything on the way home to one another because they were overwhelmed by the money and all it entailed. Helen was having second thoughts about the benefits of becoming suddenly wealthy. She led a quiet but content life aside from Bert’s gambling. She was afraid that winning all this money would be the end of her life as she knew it. And she didn’t say a word to him on the way home.

It took several weeks before they were notified by their bank that their newfound wealth was deposited. They suggested having their new account come in with them to the bank to talk about where they wanted their money dispersed. And let them know how much, if any, money they wanted to take in cash. He suggested they make modest withdrawals at first. And he also reminded them that in three months’ time, the announcement of their big win would be publically announced. He once again suggested they move from their present address to a more secluded and protected housing development with security available.

Bert and Helen felt conflicted. They had lived at their present address for over thirty years. They knew all their neighbors, and they felt safe there. It would be a hard move to make. But, they both agreed reluctantly that it was necessary. And so, they hired a realtor to take them to look at new homes that had security round-the-clock.

After two weeks of looking, they found a beautiful home about forty minutes away from their former address, and they decided to sell all their old furniture and buy new. The furniture that they had was mostly hand-me-downs from friends and relatives. In fact, they had never had any new furniture up until now.

The day they moved, they said their goodbyes to their neighbors, who were shocked and sad to see them go. Helen and Bert said that they would call them in a couple of weeks after they got settled, and they would have a bar-b-que and invite them all over.

It took time for them to feel comfortable in their new home. Several of their new neighbors came over and welcomed them to the neighborhood. It took a while before Helen and Bert felt at home. Bert had gone out and bought a new car. It was a compact car, not a luxury vehicle. It ran like a top and was energy efficient. It cost more for the auto insurance he had before because it was new. But Bert loved it, and although he missed his old car for a while, he soon got used to it. Helen loved it from day one, especially since it didn’t smell like cigarette smoke.

As time went by, they felt more at ease and comfortable in their new, improved circumstances. They invited their old friends and neighbors over and met their new neighbors. All seemed to be going by without any real difficulty or problems.

But then the announcement was made about who won the Million Dollar Lottery in New Jersey. And they started getting inundated by the media, the public, and people begging for money. They had to change their phone numbers and block all calls from people they didn’t know. And sometimes people knocked at their doors all day and into the night.

They had to hire security to guard their home and themselves when they went out in public. They had to block their new phone numbers. It was unbelievable how many people begged them for money on a daily basis. It became a nightmare. Finally, out of pure preservation, they decided to invest part of the money. Enough to live on for the rest of their lives. And give money to their family members and anyone who was a long-time friend that was in need, and then they donated the rest of the money to an organization that would disburse the money to organizations where it would benefit the most people. They decided they preferred a quiet life populated with their family members and oldest friends.

They realized that a simple life was a good life for them. Bert decided that gambling was going to be a thing of the past and that being married to Helen had been the biggest win of his life and that he would spend the remainder of their lives together and be grateful for the happiness that had always waited there for them to appreciate. And that money did not always bring happiness and contentment to your life.

 

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