Author Archives: Susan

ALL I EVER DREAMED OF IS A GOOD NIGHT’S REST

The alarm clock rang incessantly, and its annoying screams eventually awakened me. I’m a heavy sleeper because each night before I go to bed, I drink a glass of wine. It never fails to put me to sleep. Unfortunately, it hasn’t put an end to my nightmares. In fact, they are even more vivid than the nightmares I suffered from when I was a child. The only difference is now I can remember the dreams after I wake up. And when I was a child, my dreams would be forgotten once I woke up each morning.

My dreams are often vivid and filled with events that wake me up, sometimes screaming out loud in terror. When I woke up, I could not remember what the nightmare was about. And I thank god for that because if I remembered any of my dreams, no amount of alcohol before I went to bed would be able to lull me to sleep ever again.

Tired woman in the office sleeping

My nightmares have been haunting me all of my life as far back as I remember. When I was a child, my mother took me to the pediatrician and explained how these nightmares would wake me up every night and wake up everyone who lived in our house. He told my mother that I had night terrors, which were a common occurrence with young children whose brains were still developing. And over time, the nightmares would cease. But mine never did. It is an everyday occurrence for me.

I never tell people I know I suffer from nightmares because I’m a grown woman. And I’m sure they would tell me that I’m not a child anymore and shouldn’t be having these nightmares anymore. As a result, during the day, I often have vivid flashbacks from my most recent nightmares without any warning.

Occasionally the flashback is so vivid that I will shout out with fear or run screaming out of whatever room. This has happened so often at my workplace that my coworkers started complaining to our boss that I was disrupting their concentration. I was called into his office because of these complaints. I explained the problem to my boss. I told him that I was unaware of my behavior when it was occurring since I was asleep. And the night terror only lasts a minute or two. And there was no treatment for it. I informed him I had been to a sleep specialist, psychologist, and psychiatrist. They all said there was no real cure. That they could put me on heavy-duty sleep aides. But the side effect was that in the morning, when I woke up, I had a hangover from the medication for several hours and had difficulty concentrating. I have lost several jobs because of this problem.

Most recently, my boss said that he could only think of two solutions. The first was letting me go, which he didn’t want to do because, aside from these sleep episodes, I was a valuable employee. So, his only recourse was for me to work at home. And then to come into my office once a week and play catch-up with my boss. And he thought that was the best solution for me and my fellow employees.

My response was to stare blankly at my boss. I really didn’t want to spend my whole work life at home working at my desk in my bedroom. I was sure this would lead me to develop even more problems, including loneliness, and becoming even more inhibited and neurotic than I already was.

My boss waited several moments, and then he said, “so Amelia, what do you think? Work from home sound good?”

“Well, I don’t know. But I guess I will have to give it a go. I will miss seeing all my workmates. But I guess I don’t really have any other choice. When will this change in venue happen?”

“Well, there is no time like the present. Why don’t you go in and start packing up your desk? Please take your work computer and anything else you need home with you. And let’s say that after you get settled in your new home office, you contact personnel and let them know how things are going. And if you need anything else. Let’s try this for the next month, and then you can let us know how you are doing. And we will see if we have to make any further adjustments.

And then he stood up and walked me to the door, and said, “please keep in touch. Let me know if you encounter any problem that we haven’t foreseen. And let me know, and we will put our brains together and devise a solution. Talk to you soon, Amelia. Sorry, but I have to go right now. There is a big meeting that I’m about to be late for if I don’t get moving immediately.”

And that was the beginning of the end for me. Of course, it didn’t happen right away. It happened slowly over time. In fact, it happened so painfully slowly that I didn’t realize what was happening. I slowly began to unravel.

After about a week of working alone at my desk in my bedroom, I began to lose time. And by that, I mean while I was working on my computer, I would drift slowly into a deep sleep. But, somehow, during these short naps, I kept working away. But, when I woke up, I had no memory of the work I had done. None at all. I would look down at my computer and not recollect completing the work. I would then spend the rest of the day going over all the work to see if it was complete bologna or acceptable.

And to my surprise, the work I completed at home was perfection. Even better than the work I did when I worked in the office. I was doing so well, in fact, that I decided that each afternoon I would take a break and go for a walk, go out to lunch, or do some shopping so that I could reconnect with my fellow human and not turn into some hermit.

But to my utter surprise, the first time I went out for lunch to one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, the owner came over to my booth and said, “oh, what a wonderful surprise. It’s such a pleasure to see you so soon again.”

I stared at him and said, “so soon again, Jose?” I don’t even remember the last time I was here. Maybe you are mixing me up with one of your other customers?”

“Mixing you up? No, for the past three weeks, you have come here every Monday and Thursday for lunch, and now here you are on Wednesday.”

“What? Well, I must be overtired or something. I don’t really recall that at all. I recently started working from home and haven’t been going out. And I started feeling claustrophobic from being alone all day and all night.”

Jose stared at me with a perplexed look on his face. And then he said, “wait a minute, I can prove it. I’ll show you a picture of you and several other customers when you pulled all your tables together and ate lunch. And then you all started dancing after eating. You have to remember that, Amelia?”

I sat there looking at him like he had lost his mind. And then he returned with a large picture of a group of people laughing and dancing in the middle of the room with all the tables pushed against the wall. And then Jose’ pointed his finger at a woman wearing a bright skirt and a flowered shirt and a sombrero on her head. I picked up the picture and put it as close to her eyes as possible and still distinguish the people. And sure enough, there was a woman that bore an unbelievable resemblance to herself. “Well, I’ll admit she does look like me. But it can’t be. It just can’t. I don’t remember that at all.”

Jose’ said, wait a minute, I’ll bring over the staff, and they can reassure you.”

“What, on no, don’t do that. But, before I even finished his sentence, Jose called all the staff into the dining area. And they all reassured her that she had indeed been coming there often, and on that particular night, she had been the life of the party.

“I guess I will have to believe you. But, I don’t really understand why I don’t have any memory of any of this at all.” Jose came over and said, “ well, I hope you will keep coming as often as possible because we will all miss you if you don’t. And he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

My face blushed all the way up to the roots of my hair. And then, I sat back in her chair and waited for my lunch to be brought out. By now, her stomach was growling and churning. A few minutes later, Jose’ brought her lunch to her table and said, “enjoy. Please let me know if you would like anything else. How about some Sangria?”

“I would love that, but I think I am confused enough as it is. Maybe next time. It all looked delicious as I sat there eating a burrito. It occurred to me that perhaps the reason I didn’t remember coming here was that I had been sleepwalking. It seemed far-fetched. But what else would explain not having a memory when of the events? When it was clear that I had been coming there. The only other possibility was that I had completely lost my mind. And at this point in time, she had no desire to believe she was bonkers. Perhaps I should go back into therapy?

As I swallowed the last delicious bite of my meal. I had decided that whatever was happening was out of my control. And I would continue on with my life and see what happened. It was clear that part of me wanted to be happy and so why shouldn’t I ?

And so that is how I began living my life to the fullest, and although I don’t remember all of it, at some level, I was having the time of my life. And I was going to go for it.

One morning I woke up and felt like I might be hungover, although I didn’t remember what had happened to me the night before. At least, I thought it was one night. But when I rolled over, I realized I wasn’t alone, and I wasn’t in her bed. “Good grief, I said out loud.” I leaned over and looked at the man lying beside me. I couldn’t imagine who it was. I was afraid to know, and then I saw Jose’s handsome face and mustache. “Wake up, wake up, Jose.”

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THE HOME THAT MARIE AND HUGH BUILT

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This is a painting I did of my childhood home in Maple Shade, Nj, in 1987.

It had been a long sixteen months since my parents passed away. My father died from lung cancer. I was certain my mother had died from a broken heart. Their marriage had been a difficult one at times. But nonetheless, my mother never recovered from his death. She seemed to be diminished in some way by her loss. They had married when she was nineteen years old. She didn’t know how to go on without him after he passed away.

When he was alive, his presence in the room, in the house, overshadowed her. It was as if his very presence diminished her. And yet, after he passed away, it seemed as if each day her energy, her presence, faded.

They had been married for fifty-seven years. She really didn’t have a life of her own before her marriage, and during their marriage, he orchestrated every moment of their lives. He decided where they would live and picked out the house without her ever seeing it. He chose all the furniture, the curtains, and the color each room was painted. He never asked her opinion. He was the man of the house. He used to refer to her as Mom. Rarely would he call her Marie.

Some days felt as if they would go on forever. At the same time, it felt like time had passed too quickly. It was hard to think about what the future held without my parents. I couldn’t imagine going through the rest of my life without their presence. My mother’s unquestioning love, my father’s energy, and intelligence, and his powerful presence.

But nonetheless, within eight months, they had both passed away. The house seemed so empty without them that I could hardly bare stepping inside the front door. After I cleaned out the house of all my parents’ belongings, including the well-worn furniture, it echoed when I walked in the front door and closed it behind me.

The last thing I looked at before I closed the front door for the last time was the black telephone that had hung on the kitchen wall for as long as I could remember. As I stood there, I remembered all the phone calls I had made on it when I was a teenager. And how I called my best friend, Joanie, every day as soon as I got home from school. And I would ask if she would like to go for a ride on their bikes or go ice skating at Strawbridge lake.

And after my husband Bob and I moved back to New Jersey, we bought a small house in Pennsauken, a town fifteen minutes away from Maple Shade, where my parents still lived. I would call my mom and dad every morning to see how they were doing and tell them I would stop by later in the day.

My father would answer the phone and say, “hello, Susan, here’s your mother.” For some reason, he hated talking on the phone. And then he would hand over the phone to my Mother. My mom would say, “Hello, Susie.” I would say, “Hi, Mom, I was just wondering how you and daddy are doing. Is everything alright?”

My mother always said the same thing. “your father is reading the newspaper, and we just ate breakfast. I just got back from church. Are you coming over today?”

“Yes, Mom, I’ll be over in a little while. Do you need anything?” “No, your father went to the store yesterday. “I’ll see you in a little while.”

Later that day after I would come over with my two children and spend some time with my parents. My mother loved to let my youngest daughter sit on her lap. My daughter would play with my mother’s rosary while she sat there, or sometimes she would play with the scapular that hung from my mother’s neck.

Sometimes I would bring my haircutting scissors over to my parent’s house and give my parents a haircut. After I trimmed my mother’s hair, I would set it in bobby pins, and before I left, I would comb it out for her.

My father would sit at the table and read his newspaper silently. My mother would get up several times and refill his coffee cup while he smoked one cigarette after another. He would often tell me what all the neighbors were up to. Since he spent a greater part of the day watching them from the front kitchen window. And he would observe all the activity of any of the neighbors that were out and about. He often commented on how much trash they would put out on the curb.

After my father developed lung cancer, life changed drastically. He rarely got out of bed, and he had little, if anything, to say. If I went into his room, he would say, “leave me now.” Seeing my father looking so pale, thin, and quiet was heartbreaking. It seemed like he was just waiting for the end of his life to come so he could finally have peace.

After he passed away, my mother was never the same. I realized she couldn’t be left alone. So, I hired a woman named Doris Cook to stay with her during the week. And then, my siblings and I took turns having my mother stay at our houses. It was difficult for my mother because she had glaucoma and was unfamiliar with homes other than her own. She began to seem somewhat confused. However, Doris was a godsend, and my mother seemed to be comfortable with her. She was a kind and gentle person.

One night in August, I received a call from Doris that she thought my mother had had a heart attack. I told her to call an ambulance to take my mother to the hospital, and I would be there as quickly as I could. I only lived a few minutes away. My mother never recovered from the heart attack. It is so difficult to lose one’s parents. Until it happens to you can not imagine the sense of loss and emptiness you feel when your parents pass away. It’s almost like a part of you is missing.

As I looked over the house for the last time, I thought back to all the years that I lived there and then all the years afterward. I realized that every lesson I learned in life was a result of my parents. My father taught me to keep learning and growing as a person. And my love taught me how to love and be loved in return. She surely had a heart of gold. And that I was lucky enough to have them for as long as I did.

There aren’t words enough to say how much I loved them, my gratitude for all they did for me, the love, the caring, the sacrifice. I know that I will miss them for the rest of my life. And there hasn’t been a day that has gone by when I don’t think about them.

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LIFE AS I KNOW IT

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Did you spend most of your working life looking forward to the years that you would be able to retire and spend all your time doing things that you loved? And put behind you the humdrum, repetitious decades of working for a living? Working nine to five every week, week after week, month after month, and year after year?

I have had many different types of jobs over my lifetime. When I was in my senior year of high school, I was offered a part-time job that would transition to a full-time dental assistant when I graduated from high school.

I hadn’t given too much thought to what I would do after my high school graduation, so I said, “yes, I would like to do that. And that is how I began my working life. I worked for Dr. Edward G. Wozniak for almost five years. After that, I sold high-risk auto insurance with the Ellis Brothers in Collingswood, NJ. This was a great job because the owners of the insurance firm, Evie and Harry Ellis, didn’t like working and would take my two workmates and me out to breakfast every morning. And they looked for any opportunity to skip work.

But then I started seeing a young man who I eventually married, and I moved to Florida. I was twenty-two. I decided to go to hairdressing school at the Florida Beauty Academy in West Palm Beach because I was laid off from an insurance company that I worked for in West Palm Beach after it went bankrupt. At the time, Florida businesses would only hire people who lived in Florida for at least six months.

I had difficulty getting a job at a hair salon. So I started looking for a job that required a license to do hair and facials. And luckily, I found out about a position at the Collonaides Hotel from a friend who attended hairdressing school with me, Maggie Waisanen. She was a woman in her early fifties, but we just hit it off, despite a thirty-year age difference. She was hired at the Collonades as well. She was giving massages.

I was hired to do facials at the Collonaides Health Center at the Collonaides Hotel on Singer Island. The hotel was owned by John D MacArthur, a well-known developer, and hotel owner. Whose wealth is better known today by the John D. and Katherine T. MacArthur Foundation, still a major holder of Palm Beach. He was about eighty-five years old at the time I met him. I used to see him sitting out by the built-in pool with his nurse. He was one of the wealthiest men in Florida at that time. After several years my husband Bob decided that he wanted to attend Brooks Institute for Photography in Santa Barbara, California.

And so Bob and I packed up our belongings, and we were on our way across the country from Florida to Santa Barbara, California. It was a ten-day drive, but it was a beautiful and scenic trip that I will never forget. Bob attended Brooks for three years. I worked at St. Vincent’s School as a counselor and as the assistant Supervisor. I took care of twelve adolescent girls who were mildly retarded. I have to say that this was my favorite job that I have had so far. I came to love those children with my whole heart, and it was difficult to say goodbye when Bob finished school at Brooks.

We decided to move back to New Jersey. I hadn’t lived in New Jersey for seven years, and I missed my family. Bob found employment, and after a short time, Bob decided he wanted to buy a house. Bob had served in the Navy during the Viet Nam war, so he was eligible to use Veteran’s benefits to purchase a house. And we were able to buy the house with no downpayment. It was located in Pennsauken, New Jersey, a short drive from Maple Shade, NJ. Where I grew up, and my parents still lived.

I found out I was pregnant within a year after we moved to our new house. Bob was working in Pennsylvania at the time. We had two children in four years. I stayed home with my children for seven years until they were in school. I was thirty-six by then, and I decided to go to college since I never had the opportunity to do that when I graduated from St. Mary of the Angels high school.

I applied to Temple University in Philadelphia, Pa, at the Tyler School of Art. I also applied to the Hussian School of Art and Moore College of Art. Which was an art school for women only. I was accepted at all the schools. I decided to attend Temple because they offered me a full scholarship for the first year. I was the only adult student in the Freshman Class. The rest of the class were straight out of high school and were seventeen or eighteen years old. It was a unique and challenging experience for me. I graduated four years later with a 4.0-grade point average and a BA and Art teaching certification. Later I earned a degree to teach exceptional children. (handicapped)

I decided, after spending several months trying to get an art teaching job in public schools with no success, to open up my own art classes. At the time, the public schools had stopped funding Art Education in the Public Schools. We purchased a large home in Pitman, Nj. The house had formerly belonged to a neuropsychologist. He saw his patients in the home. After he passed away, the house was empty for eight years. I used his offices to teach art. The students were aged five and up to eighteen. And I taught adults in the evening. And that is what I did for many years.

The years seemed to fly by as my children grew up and attended college. My oldest daughter moved out and was married. Before I knew it, Bob and I were of retirement age, and we started planning on selling our home of twenty-four years and looking for a place to retire. We decided on North Carolina because of the temperate climate and the low real estate taxes.

And here I sit, fifty-plus years later, retired. Or my version of retired. And by that, I mean I retired and started collecting Social Security.

I hadn’t been living in North Carolina longer than a month when I decided that I wanted to start doing some type of volunteer work. I investigated all the opportunities available in the area. And I finally decided that I would volunteer for the Guardian Ad Litem. Which is a volunteer citizen to represent at-risk children in the court. I had to take a college course and be certified in order to serve as a Guardian Ad Litem in the court.

Unfortunately, it turned out that the volunteer position with the Guardian ad Litem took a great deal more of my time than I realized it would. And after a year, I decided that it wasn’t for me. Although I respected the work they did to be outstanding and to be highly beneficial to children at risk of abuse and neglect.

At the same time, I decided I would like to volunteer at an Animal Sanctuary as I have always loved animals as far back as I can remember. I found an animal sanctuary, Animal Edventure, that Is in Coats, NC, and was only a fifteen-minute drive from where I live. I have been working there for six years, three mornings a week, taking care of Parrots, Macaws, and pheasants.

In addition, I started writing a blog online that includes short stories and memoirs. I have been writing all my life, but this was the first time that I ever had anyone read my stories. It took courage to put my writing out there. But here I am, almost five years later.

I have no regrets about my life or my experiences. I never let fear stop me. I always had faith in my ability to be a success in whatever I did. I look back over my life and have good memories of the places I have lived and the people I have met and befriended. And the accomplishments that grew from hard work and perseverance, and keeping faith in myself and my abilities.

I know that I will continue to create both my artwork and my writing for as long as I have breath in my body. I can not imagine a life without expressing my creativity in some way. Who knows where life will take me next? I look forward to many more challenges. Life is short so be sure to live every day to the fullest.

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A DREAM COME TRUE

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When I retired from work at sixty-two, I thought now I could finally relax and enjoy the good life. I will spend all my time reading, painting, writing, and all of my other hobbies. That had I put off all of my working years.

But it didn’t take long before I realized that although I was retired from working forty hours a week, I still had to take care of cleaning and maintaining my home and my garden. I still had to pay the bills. I still had to go food shopping etc, etc, etc.

But what I did make time for was going to estate sales and yard sales. Because I decided that Saturday was going to be my day off. I’m not sure why I loved this activity so much, but I did. Perhaps because it always felt like it was a treasure hunt. And I came to look forward to Saturday mornings with great anticipation. Oh, the thrill of the hunt.

And so, every Friday morning, I would take a walk down to the local store and buy the newspaper and read the garage sale ads in the classified section of the newspaper. And then, I would write a list of all the local estate and yard sales and their locations and write the directions down so I could drive from one sale to the next.

One of the interesting things that I found out after a short period of time was that there were so many like-minded people going to estate sales, especially in the well-to-do locations. Because there was always a possibility that I might find a real treasure that I recognized their true value and others wouldn’t.

Most estate sale buyers had particular items that they collected. Anything was possible, and they might collect comic books or cookbooks, jewelry, antiques or cameras, and teapots. Really there was no end to the objects that people collected.

Oh, and there was always excitement in the air as the shoppers waited in line outside as the time got closer to open the doors to the public. Most often, there was a limit to how many people could enter the house at any given time. If the house was located in an exclusive high-end home, people really became impatient waiting outside for their chance to enter the home. God forbid anyone cut into line the crowd because they could really get rowdy. You were always afraid that someone would find that perfect treasure. The one you have been hunting for all along.

I looked for anything that was out of the ordinary or unusual. Anything from a chandelier to original art. As people slowly entered the house, the first few people who went in would emerge. Sometimes they would have a triumphant look on their faces or sometimes disappointed. But, you always held out hope that you would finally get that one special object that would complete your collection, no matter what you collected. Or even better, something that was worth a great deal of money, and you could sell it and make a profit.

Then finally, I was number one in line outside the front door. The house was a big, old Victorian home. I just loved the Victorian houses. They were so interesting, and they were all unique. People walked around examining each item that was for sale. It was a treasure hunt for us all.

I had been searching for a Victorian chandelier for my dining room for quite a while. And the moment I entered the living room and I saw the double doors that led to the formal dining room, I saw it. And it was the most beautiful crystal chandelier hanging from the dining room ceiling. And it was perfect. I looked for one of the people running the sale. As I wanted to buy the chandelier before anyone else did. I saw someone in the dining room looking up at the chandelier and checking out the price, and then they whistled and walked away.

I hurried through the double doors to the dining room. The dining room table and chairs were definitely original and almost in perfect condition. On the center of the table, there was a circular burn. It looked like someone had placed a hot dish or container directly on the table. I was standing there shaking my head when I heard someone say, “oh, what a shame. I wonder if it would be possible to have that burn repaired?” I said, “I don’t know, but I would definitely offer a lower price than their asking for it. And then possibly you could have it repaired. It really is a beautiful table, and the chairs look like they have the original seat covers. And they are in excellent shape.”

“Yes, yes, they do. I love them. I think I might make an offer and see what happens. Good luck. I hope you find something you love as well.”

“Thank you, and I see quite a few things that I would love to get. But my budget is limited. Good luck, I hope you are able to buy the dining room set.”

I saw a woman that looked like she was in charge of the sale, and I walked over to her. “Hello, I’m interested in the crystal chandelier. “Can I make an offer on it?”

“Yes, of course. But you will have to wait until the end of the day to see if your offer has been accepted. If someone makes a higher offer. You could lose it. That would be a shame, and it is a one-of-a-kind chandelier. It is original to the house.”

“Really, well, I definitely will make an offer.”

“Well, there is a woman in the office through that door. She will take your contact information and cell phone number and let you know the outcome. Good luck.”

So, I went through the door. I walked over to the woman at the desk and told her I wanted to make an offer on the crystal chandelier. She handed me a paper, and I wrote down my offer and my cellphone number. She said, “It is a beautiful piece, good luck. There are two more floors. Maybe you’ll find something else that you like.”

I nodded and headed toward the kitchen. There was a small pantry with a table and chair. I was starting to fall in love with this house. It certainly was unique. I wondered how much they were asking for it. And if there was any way I could win the lottery and buy this home.

I walked back to the front door and headed up the stairs to the second floor. At the top of the steps, there was a long hallway with three opened doors. Wow, this house was amazing. The first door opened to a small bedroom that was illuminated by the morning sun. Unfortunately, it had horrible wallpaper throughout the whole room. Aside from that, it was empty. But, I was able to see the possibilities of the room. There was a large closet in the room. And the floor throughout the house had the original wood floors. And I believed that with hard work, they could be restored.

I walked down to the next door and I pushed it open it was the biggest bathroom I had ever seen, but unfortunately, one of my fellow shoppers was sitting on the toilet and going to the bathroom. Before I backed out of the room, I noticed a beautiful tub and shower. The room was black and white with even more hideous wallpaper on the walls. I said, “good lord, who picked out all the hideous wallpaper.?”It looked like it was from the turn of the nineteenth century.

At the end of the hallway, there stood a set of black, wrought iron gates that reached from the floor to the ceiling. I couldn’t imagine what might be behind them. At one end of the hallway to the right a closet that had a door on it and a window. It was empty save for an iron radiator. I gazed out the window and saw a side garden with huge overgrown evergreens and what looked like a balcony on the facing wall.

I left the closet and returned to the hallway and the next closed door. I heard people milling about behind the door. I walked through the entrance, and there was yet another bedroom. It was large and empty. There were about ten people looking around and peeping into the large, empty closet. I couldn’t understand why they were holding an estate sale since there didn’t seem to be anything for sale. And it occurred to me at that moment that they were trying to sell this huge, empty house. As I walked across the room, there was a set of double doors and a balcony. The doors were locked. But I could see the backyard from the balcony. There was a large garage beyond the small backyard.

I saw another door in the bedroom, and it led to a small bathroom. This house certainly had no shortage of doors, rooms, and bathrooms. It was the largest house I had ever been in. And that’s saying a lot because I had gone to a hundred estate sales over the years. All the people who had been standing in line outside were now in the house. And it didn’t seem crowded at all. That’s how big this house was.

There was a wooden door to the right I opened the door, and at least fifty people stood inside the room. It was absolutely the largest room I had ever seen in my life. There was a huge black chandelier hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room. And there was a fireplace on the back wall. The walls appeared to have a surface that looked like spackled cement or something similar to that. The window on the far wall was unbelievably big, and the rest of the wall was covered in floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. I felt small in this room. The view outside the huge window was blocked by two tall trees. But I could see the neighbor’s house across the street.

I walked to the middle of the room and stood there simply amazed by the sheer size of the room and the number of people milling about. Who all had the same amazed look on their faces as I did. I decided to walk back down the hall and go up to what I believed was a door to the third floor. And it turned out that there was indeed a third floor that ran the length of the house. And above that was an attic. I couldn’t believe how huge this house was. I wondered who lived here before and what they did with all the rooms.

And the longer I stood in the middle of this room, the more I realized that this house, this magnificent house, was going to be my house; somehow, some way, I was going to make it happen. And as I stood there and imagined living here, I imagined all the beautiful and unusual artifacts I would be able to find at estate sales and all the fun I would have finding them. And that, my friends, is how I came to find and buy the home of my dreams.

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TO SLEEP OR NOT TO SLEEP THAT IS THE QUESTION

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For as long as I can remember, I have suffered from insomnia. Please don’t suggest that having insomnia is not suffering. I can assure you that not getting adequate sleep over long periods of time is exquisitely painful.

WOMAN WITH INSOMNIA

I do not recall a time when I didn’t have difficulty sleeping. My mother often complained that I would almost nightly come into her bedroom when I was a child and tell her I couldn’t sleep. I would beg to sleep with my parents. They always said, “no, go back to your own bed. And as a result, I would lie awake for the rest of the night with her eyes wide open and unable to fall asleep. I would finally drift off to sleep in the middle of the night. My mother said, “after you wake me up, I’m would unable to fall asleep for hours. And she would get up at six AM clutching her rosary in her hands.

Over the course of my lifetime, my insomnia did not resolve. It evolved. There were times when I would fall asleep but wake up after an hour or two and then be unable to fall back to sleep. I tried reading, praying, and staring out the window into the dark of the night. I would listen to cats fighting, or dogs barking or listen to my next-door neighbors’ knock-down brawls. I often wondered why they didn’t get a divorce. And even though I was a child, I knew it couldn’t be healthy to remain in a marriage where you hated your mate and your children grew up in a home full of anger and resentment.

As I grew into adulthood and moved out of my parent’s house and into my own apartment. Insomnia remained my companion. Although it was an unwelcome companion. Over the years, I tried various sleeping aids in my search for six hours of an uninterrupted night’s sleep. And then, finally, I found Ambien. A new medication that promised six to eight hours of uninterrupted sleep. It was a dream come true.

It wasn’t until several months of taking Ambien that I realized there were some unexpected side effects from taking it. And I, unfortunately, suffered the consequences of every one of these side effects. The first side effect I became aware of was that, over several months, I started putting on weight. I was always self-conscious about my weight and being fit. As I exercised every single day. I was extremely careful about what I ate, especially sweets and carbs. I stopped eating animal protein and became a vegetarian.

And so, when I began noticing that my clothes were starting to feel tight. I couldn’t understand why or how this was happening. I decided to get an appointment with my doctor to see if I had developed a thyroid problem. But I found out I didn’t have a hypothyroid problem. The doctor stated that he couldn’t find any organic or biological reason for my weight gain. And he insisted that I must be eating more or eating high-calorie foods and that I wasn’t getting enough exercise. I told him that was certainly not the case since I hadn’t changed my diet or exercise routine in the least.

And finally, I made an appointment with a psychologist to determine if there was a psychological reason why I couldn’t sleep. The doctor felt that one of the reasons I had sleeping problems was that I had depression because of unresolved childhood issues. After several months of talk therapy, the therapist suggested that I set up video cameras in my bedroom and my house and find out what I was doing at night to cause the weight gain.

In addition, as I was leaving his office, he mentioned in passing that some early research indicated that Ambien could cause sleepwalking, sleep eating, and even more, terrifying sleep driving. Why, why, why do doctors wait until you are walking out the door to tell you the most pertinent facts about your health? He told me I should consider going off them.

I just couldn’t bring myself to stop taking Ambien because after I started using them, I was able to fall asleep within fifteen minutes of taking one and sleep throughout the night with no hangover like previous sleeping pills I had taken. I said, “alright, Doctor, I’ll give that suggestion some thought. But I will definitely get the video camera’s set up and see if I am sleepwalking at night. I’ll keep in touch. Thank you for your time.”

So, two days later, I had a guy come to my home and install the video cameras around my home. And he put one in my car. They were all sensitive to movement and would turn on automatically. He told me to wait a few days before checking the cameras. So, I waited and waited, and five days later, I checked all the cameras.

I thought I would find videos of me raiding the kitchen. But no, that isn’t what I saw. What I saw was me wearing my pajamas and slippers and my winter chenille robe. And unbelievably, I was going out the door of my apartment and heading in the direction of the apartment parking garage. And then, I saw myself getting into my car and driving to several fast food restaurants, including McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Domino’s Pizza, and the local all-night family restaurant.

I could hardly believe my eyes. The kind of food I was eating and the amount of food I was eating were unbelievable. I was eating junk food for hours every night, and all the while, I was asleep. Although my eyes were open, I was ordering the food and paying for it and then either gobbling it down while I was driving to the next fast food place or sitting in my car all alone, stuffing my face with one disgusting thing after another.

My final stop was always the all-night family restaurant, where I apparently ate a full breakfast of bacon, eggs, scrapple, and buckets of hot coffee. No wonder I was getting as round as a beach ball. I’m surprised I haven’t had a heart attack yet. Just from the sheer amount of fried foods and calories.

And the fact that I was eating meat made me sick to my stomach and sick at heart. I love animals and gave up eating meat twenty years ago. How could I be doing this? It was so hard to believe. But, obviously true.

And then I considered the obvious I was driving all over town asleep. I could have killed myself or other innocent people. It was worse than driving drunk. It was altogether a nightmare. And the irony of it all was hard to swallow. I was finally sleeping after all these years. But, I did not feel rejuvenated or refreshed, or healthier. I was fat and apparently addicted to Ambien and junk food.

It was clear to me that I needed to go back to the shrink and find out why my subconscious was driving me to undermine my health and my well-being. And making me a danger to myself and all the other people on the road, and highways, and byways where I lived.

After waiting three weeks to get another appointment with my shrink. I had accomplished several important things. I weaned myself off of Ambien. I won’t lie. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I got rid of all the junk foods. I started exercising twice a day, once before I went to bed and first thing in the morning.

I lost about ten pounds in those few weeks before I saw my shrink’s appointment. I felt better because I wasn’t gaining any more weight. And the exercise, including walking five miles a day and working, made me so tired and often fell immediately fell asleep and stayed asleep for six hours. Which was a big improvement for me.

And the talk therapy with my shrink helped me to start resolving the reasons for my ongoing depression and unresolved problems with my family and some of my friends. I found out it was better to talk about problems with my family and friends instead of stuffing it all down with food. After six months, I lost thirty pounds with ten more to go. I feel like a new woman, and that has helped me to stop being so self-critical. My family and I are communicating with one another, and I don’t feel so fueled with anger all the time.

So, I still do have the occasional sleepless night. But, I stay away from Ambien and instead consider what kind of emotional issues I am having at any given time. And I talk with my therapist, and she helps me see what is in plain view. And that I have to make an effort to solve these issues instead of feeding them or obsessing about them all day and into the night. So, with that, I’ll say good day, and I hope you have a good night’s sleep.

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YOU CAN’T ALWAYS TELL A BOOK BY IT’S COVER

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It was 1975, and I had recently graduated from the Palm Beach Beauty Academy in West Palm Beach, Florida. I was looking for a job in one of the local hairdressers and was having difficulty getting hired because of the recent influx of newly graduated from beauty school. I had been living in Florida for just over a year and had not found employment. Apparently, if you weren’t a Floridian resident for a least six months, it was difficult to get hired.

Mansion of Palm Beach Blvd. Florida

So, I made the decision to go to a hairdressing school. I’m not entirely sure what made me think that I would be a candidate for hairdressing school since I had no previous experience styling or cutting hair. But all the same, I decided to give it a go.

I decided that it might help if I became acquainted with some of the local residents who might want to hire me or knew someone who was looking for newly licensed hairdressers. One day I was reading through the local newspaper and saw an ad for a family who was looking for someone to spend time with their two sons, who were about ten and twelve years old at that time. I thought, what a great job. I loved kids and had previous experiences with my seventeen nieces and nephews when they were young.

So, the next morning I called the phone number of the Palm Beach family and made an appointment to be interviewed for the job. The woman who answered the phone told me to come over the following morning at ten AM shart, and she gave me directions to their home. She told me it was on Palm Beach Blvd. Directly across from the ocean. I was psyched. Because this was one of the most beautiful and affluent neighborhoods in Palm Beach.

When I arrived at the address I was given, I was shocked. This was not just a big house. It was an absolute mansion. As I was parking across the street, I noticed a limousine pulling into their driveway and disappearing from view behind the house. I locked the car door, and as I was walking across the street, it occurred to me that no one was going to steal my ten-year-old Volkswagon when there were BMWs and Mercedes, and Lamborghinis parked along the sidewalk next to the entrance to the beach. But I loved my car and wasn’t taking any chances.

I walked up the front sidewalk and knocked at the front door. I used the door knocker that looked like it was made out of solid gold. And as I waited, I glanced around the front yard and couldn’t help but admire their front garden, which had absolutely stunning landscaping. The flowers, the palm trees, banana trees. It was a tropical paradise.

Suddenly, the front door opened, and a woman who looked about sixty said, “Yes, can I help you? Do you have an appointment with Madam?”

“An appointment? Yes, I do. I am here to be interviewed by the homeowner as a nanny for her two sons.”

“And you are?”

“Oh, yes, of course, my name is Sarah Carlisle. I spoke to her yesterday. And she told me to come here a three PM sharp. So, here I am.”

“I shall advise Madam that you are here. You may come in and wait in the vestibule. Please wipe your feet on the mat before you come in.”

“The vestibule?” I’m not sure where that is. Can you point the way?”

“What? The vestibule is the entryway of the house. Follow me and wait, and I shall advise Madam that you have arrived, and then I will come and escort you to Madam’s office. Please do not touch anything. It is all priceless antiques.”

“Touch anything, and I wasn’t going to touch anything. Good grief. I’ll just stand here until you come back for me. No worries. I’m trustworthy.”

A couple of minutes later, she returned and said, “Madam will see you now. Just follow me.”

So, I followed her, and I was overwhelmed by everything in my view. In the entryway stood a lifesize sculpture of a naked man and woman embracing. And I was so shocked I said, good lord, loudly,” I had never seen any sculptures outside of a museum. The hallway was tiled in the most gorgeous pattern I’d ever seen.

And then I found myself standing outside of two huge doors that were exquisitely carved with vines growing from the bottom of the panels to the top with gorgeous flowers that, if they had not been carved from wood, I would believe were real. The woman knocked at the door on the right and said something I couldn’t hear to the occupant inside the room. And then she looked to me and said, “you may enter now.” She turned sharply on her heels and walked away. And I thought I hope I don’t have to talk to her again.

I took a deep breath and turned the golden door nob, and waited until I heard someone say, “come in, come in.” somewhat impatiently. I pushed the door wide enough for me to go forward, and there sat a petite woman with short, dark hair and glasses. I wondered who she was and if she was the owner of the house or another snooty employee.

“Oh, I’m so happy you were able to come for an interview, dear. I just know you will love working here and taking care of my two boys. Their last nanny had to leave unexpectedly, and they were really heartbroken. They had become quite attached to her. So, please tell me about yourself and what kind of experience you have with children.”

I decided I wasn’t going to tell her that I had just graduated from hairdressing school since she wouldn’t find that very helpful to have a nanny who cut hair. So, I just said, “well, I recently moved to Florida from the North East, to be more specific, New Jersey. And I have been looking for a job, so far I was hired by a company selling high-risk insurance, and they were having problems of some sort and went out of business. So, I decided to try and get a job working with children since I really love kids.”
“Oh, do you have any children, or did you take care of children in the past?”

“Have children? No, but I do have seventeen nieces and nephews who I started babysitting when I was about eleven. And I just love kids. “

“You started babysitting when you were eleven. I can’t imagine that. Didn’t your mother think you were too young?”

“Well, if she did, she never told me.”

“When can you start? I need someone starting on Monday. I’m going to be doing some out-of-town work, and my former nanny’s mother became ill, and she quit without giving me any notice. The boys were devastated because she had been taking care of them since they were babies. My husband and I have to do a great deal of traveling because of our business.”

I can start tomorrow. But I would like to meet your children before that so that they won’t be upset about a stranger taking care of them. Are they available to meet me now?”

“Yes, let me buz the housekeeper and ask her to bring them down. Or perhaps it would be better if she took you upstairs to their rooms to meet them in their own territory?”

A few minutes later, a tall, thin woman with bright red hair came into the room and said, “you rang?”

“Yes, this young lady is going to start tomorrow as the boys’ new nanny. Would you please take her upstairs and introduce her to the boys? I can’t leave the office right now as I’m expecting a call from a client.”

“Follow me, dear. It’s just up the stairs and down the hall.”, She started up the winding staircase to the second level. At the top of the stairs was an immense picture window, and I could see the entire property from it. It was a true garden of Eden, complete with Palm Trees and coconuts. And a built-in pool that looked large enough for fifty people to swim in with room to spare. I tried not to gasp.

I followed her down a long, long hallway with tropical plants every few feet, including some tropical hibiscus with flowers as big as my head. The floor looked like handmade tile with the family crest on it. It was so shiny it looked like glass, and I could see my reflection in it. “Here we are, dear. Let me introduce you, and you can get acquainted with them. They really are lovely boys, and I hope you will stay with us for a long time. They were heartbroken when Zelda, the former nanny, left. She had been taking care of them since they were babies. They still haven’t gotten over it.”

And then she knocked at the double door on the left, and I heard a voice say, “come in.”

Two young boys were sitting on an antique rug, and they were pushing little cars around a track. When we walked in, they looked up. And she said, “boys, this is your new nanny Sarah. She is starting work here tomorrow. Her name is Sarah, Sarah Carlisle.

Hi guys, you can call me Sarah. I have been looking forward to meeting you guys. I know we are going to have a lot of fun together. I grew up with three brothers, so I know what boys like to do. In fact, if it is alright with your mom, I would like to schedule a trip to the track to watch car races. One of my brothers works there, and he can get us in any time. And we’ll get the best seats in the house in the first row. What do you think?”

And that’s when the boys started jumping up and down. And then Sarah said, “so how do you feel about baseball? Because I have season tickets for all the best games.”

And that is when the two boys j ran over to Sarah and hugged her, and jumped up and down again. Then Sarah said, “and if you write down a list of your favorite activities, I can make a schedule for them so that every week we can do one of your favorite things.”

OK, boys, how about we take Sarah for a tour of the house and the yard so when she starts tomorrow, she’ll feel right at home? The boys started tugging on Sarah, “come on, I can’t wait to show you our pool, and you won’t believe this we have a regulation-size pool table. Do you know how to play pool?”

“No, but I would love it if you guys taught me how. That would be awesome. So, how about taking me on that tour now.”

After Sarah was shown the whole house, including an immense attic, she was worn out. The boys seemed to be energized. Which was typical for young boys. They never ran out of energy. She knew this was going to be a once-in-a-lifetime experience. And she looked forward to every minute of it.

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ALL MOBBED UP

AND THE WINNER OF THE LOTTERY IS

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I woke up that fateful morning with a sense that something unexpected was going to happen. I’ve always had what I considered a sixth sense. In that, I somehow sensed when something wonderful or something terrible was going to happen.

And on that particular morning, I had a feeling that I was going to win the New Jersey lottery big time. I turned on the news, and I heard that someone had the winning ticket for the Mega Millions Lottery. I had written down my numbers and posted them on the corkboard over my computer desk.

I had decided to put the lottery ticket in my mini-safe in my home office. When I heard the numbers that won, I checked the paper that I written the lottery numbers on the bulletin board. They were identical. I got a chill that ran up my back. I felt faint. I won. I hurried over to the safe and opened the safe to look at the lottery ticket. The lottery ticket wasn’t in the safe. I thought I might have a stroke right then and there. Where the hell was it?

Just then, my wife came into the room and said, “What is all the shouting about? Is everything alright?”

“Do you know where the lottery ticket is that I bought the other day? I posted it on the bulletin board when I got home.”

I haven’t seen it. I thought you told me you weren’t going to waste any more money on lottery tickets and horse races and playing cards for money, not to mention going to the Casinos in Atlantic City every weekend. You promised me you wouldn’t gamble anymore.

Yeah, yeah, I promised. But I had this intense feeling that I was going to win the lottery, and I did. I wrote down the numbers on a piece of paper and stuck it on my poster board in my office, and they matched. But the ticket isn’t in my little safe. It’s gone.”

“Are you sure you put it in your little safe? Maybe you just thought about doing it, and you forgot. You do that all the time. I’ll go through your clothes and your coat pockets and see if I can find it. You better not be pulling my leg about winning the million-dollar lottery. I’ll let you know if I find it right away.

Hellen spent the next forty-five minutes checking the clothes in the laundry basket and the clothes in his drawers. In case, he put the clothes he wore that day back in the drawer because sometimes her husband thought the clothes were still “good” to wear another day or two. And the last thing she did was go through all his jackets, sweaters, and even his heavy winter coat pocket. And just when she was about to give up, she looked in his “lucky sweater.”

And voila, she found the ticket in the top front pocket behind a pack of his cigarettes. At first, she was just mad that he had cigarettes because he had promised her that he quit smoking. But then, when she found the lottery ticket. She forgot all about that.

And she ran into her husband Bert’s office and handed him the ticket. “I found it in your lucky sweater pocket behind your cigarettes. He grabbed it and checked the numbers over and over. And then he stood up and started to jump up and down. He kept screaming I won, I won, I won over and over again. The next thing she knew, she was jumping up and down too. Then they started hugging each other and screaming we won! We won and laughed hysterically.

“Bert, how much did you win?”

“Well, Helen, you’re not going to believe this, but we won ten million dollars. Of course, taxes have to be paid on it, but it’s still millions of dollars. Can you believe it?”

“It feels like a dream. What in the world will we do with all that money?”

“Well, the first thing we can do is pay off our mortgage and all our other bills. Then we can get rid of that old clunker of a car and get a new one. And then we can go on the first real vacation of our lives, anywhere we want to go.”

And then they started hugging each other and jumping up and down again. Then Helen said, “we better not tell anyone that we won this money, or everyone we know and don’t know will be calling us and banging on our door asking for money. So, it has to be our secret. And then we go to the bank and tell them the situation and ask what they think we should do, like what kind of investment we put the money in for the short and long term.

“Helen, we have to contact the New Jersey Lottery office, and they will let us know how to claim the winnings and what to do next,” Bert calls the New Jersey Lottery office and is told he has to come in person with the Lottery Ticket to claim the money and he was told what information and proof of identity he had to bring to the office.

When Bert and Helen arrived at the Lottery Office, they were so excited and wound up they could hardly put two coherent words together. They were taken into the private office of one of the managers, and they showed him the lottery ticket and their ID and proof of address, and banking information.

The Lottery official informed them that the Federal Government would take at least 25% and the local tax would take 13%, and probably tax would take more money up to 37%.

Since they were big winners, the Lottery Official said that a new rule passed that they could remain anonymous for ninety days. Before they announced the winners. He suggested they tell as few people as possible or that they would soon be inundated by people asking, begging, and demanding money from them. They suggested changing their phone number, if possible, not telling anyone they knew about their big win.

Helen and Bert left the office in a fog. They didn’t say anything on the way home to one another because they were overwhelmed by the money and all it entailed. Helen was having second thoughts about the benefits of becoming suddenly wealthy. She led a quiet but content life aside from Bert’s gambling. She was afraid that winning all this money would be the end of her life as she knew it. And she didn’t say a word to him on the way home.

It took several weeks before they were notified by their bank that their newfound wealth was deposited. They suggested having their new account come in with them to the bank to talk about where they wanted their money dispersed. And let them know how much, if any, money they wanted to take in cash. He suggested they make modest withdrawals at first. And he also reminded them that in three months’ time, the announcement of their big win would be publically announced. He once again suggested they move from their present address to a more secluded and protected housing development with security available.

Bert and Helen felt conflicted. They had lived at their present address for over thirty years. They knew all their neighbors, and they felt safe there. It would be a hard move to make. But, they both agreed reluctantly that it was necessary. And so, they hired a realtor to take them to look at new homes that had security round-the-clock.

After two weeks of looking, they found a beautiful home about forty minutes away from their former address, and they decided to sell all their old furniture and buy new. The furniture that they had was mostly hand-me-downs from friends and relatives. In fact, they had never had any new furniture up until now.

The day they moved, they said their goodbyes to their neighbors, who were shocked and sad to see them go. Helen and Bert said that they would call them in a couple of weeks after they got settled, and they would have a bar-b-que and invite them all over.

It took time for them to feel comfortable in their new home. Several of their new neighbors came over and welcomed them to the neighborhood. It took a while before Helen and Bert felt at home. Bert had gone out and bought a new car. It was a compact car, not a luxury vehicle. It ran like a top and was energy efficient. It cost more for the auto insurance he had before because it was new. But Bert loved it, and although he missed his old car for a while, he soon got used to it. Helen loved it from day one, especially since it didn’t smell like cigarette smoke.

As time went by, they felt more at ease and comfortable in their new, improved circumstances. They invited their old friends and neighbors over and met their new neighbors. All seemed to be going by without any real difficulty or problems.

But then the announcement was made about who won the Million Dollar Lottery in New Jersey. And they started getting inundated by the media, the public, and people begging for money. They had to change their phone numbers and block all calls from people they didn’t know. And sometimes people knocked at their doors all day and into the night.

They had to hire security to guard their home and themselves when they went out in public. They had to block their new phone numbers. It was unbelievable how many people begged them for money on a daily basis. It became a nightmare. Finally, out of pure preservation, they decided to invest part of the money. Enough to live on for the rest of their lives. And give money to their family members and anyone who was a long-time friend that was in need, and then they donated the rest of the money to an organization that would disburse the money to organizations where it would benefit the most people. They decided they preferred a quiet life populated with their family members and oldest friends.

They realized that a simple life was a good life for them. Bert decided that gambling was going to be a thing of the past and that being married to Helen had been the biggest win of his life and that he would spend the remainder of their lives together and be grateful for the happiness that had always waited there for them to appreciate. And that money did not always bring happiness and contentment to your life.

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REPEAT AFTER ME

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Blue and Gold Macaw

My best friend Kathleen told me that she is moving out of state to Arizona because she was offered a new job, higher pay, and a promotion. I can’t lie I was devasted by the news. She lived on the same block as I did. We were in the same classroom all through grade school. When we graduated from high school we attended the same Junior College, but I went on to university and she got a job as an office manager and head accountant at a law firm. I had my heart set on becoming a famous writer. And to that end, I applied at Temple University in Philadelphia and went on to get my Master’s Degree.

Meanwhile, Kathleen moved slowly but surely up that corporate ladder. And by the time I was working at the Philadelphia Inquirer as a cub reporter by day and wrote short stories at night and sent them off to all the local magazines. Meanwhile, in my free time, I was working on a novel that I hoped would finally launch me into the public eye as an up-and-coming author.

Kathleen wrote me occasional emails and about once a month we would get together for drinks and dinner. The last time I saw her we went to the Medford Inn for dinner. It is a posh restaurant about thirty minutes from my home. Sometimes it takes a month to get your name on the waiting list for dinner reservations. But Kathleen was a rising star and she had no difficulty getting reservations anywhere. Meanwhile, I was working out the kinks in my latest novel and I hoped and prayed that this book would make it to the best sellers list so I could quit my reporter’s job and spend all my time writing.

As I was saying Kathleen contacted me by text and ask me to meet her at the Medford Inn for dinner on Friday night at seven o’clock. I was so excited just to get out of my tiny apartment and out into the real world. It took me an hour to finally decided on what outfit to wear. I really can’t afford to shop where Kathleen does. However, I do shop in thrift shops that only accept top-of-the-line clothes. And the prices can’t be beaten. Designer clothes that look like they just came off the rack at Berghoff Goodman and probably did, but were worn maybe two or three times before.

So, I was right on time as usual but Kathleen as usual was late. After about a half hour when I was beginning to lose my patience with her, she came strolling in the door. When she walked through that door all eyes were riveted on her. I have never seen her look more beautiful. If I didn’t love her like a sister, I would have been green with jealousy. She walked over to my table and leaned over and kissed me on my left cheek. But there was something about her expression that made me worry. I hoped it wasn’t bad news. She told me about a month ago that her mother wasn’t well. I hoped she hadn’t taken a turn for the worse.

Kathleen sat down across from me and took my hand. “Ellen dear, I have some good news and some bad news.”

I swallowed hard and said, “oh no is your mother alright?”

“My mother, oh no, actually she is feeling much better. Let’s order some wine and I’ll tell you my news.” About ten minutes later I said, “come on Kathleen spill the beans. I can’t take the tension anymore. I’ve been on pins and needles since you told me you had news to tell me. So, tell already, enough.”

“Well, I just got offered a new job, and no lie. It’s what I’ve been dreaming about doing since I graduated from school. And I’ve been working my butt off ever since. And I finally got the big payoff.

The bad news is that I have to move to Arizona. My company is opening up a new office there and I am going to be the Vice President and hopefully at some point president. I am really over the moon at this point. I’m so excited. And in addition, I was given the option of taking my office staff with me.”

“Wow, congratulations I have no words. I’m so proud of you. I always knew that you would be a success but this promotion is awesome. And you deserve it. You are one of the most intelligent, hardworking people I know. “

“Oh, and there’s one move thing Ellen, I have a big favor to ask.”

“Oh, you know Harry?”

“Harry, Harry who?”

“My parrot, Harry. “

“Oh yeah, Harry. I forgot all about him. What about him?”

“Could you take him, I’m going to be so busy with my new job and responsibilities that I won’t have any time to spend with him. I don’t want to give him to a stranger. I love him. What do you say?”

“I don’t know what to say, I would do anything for you. But, take your parrot. I mean parrots take a lot of time and are messy and they live a long, long time. And he’s really noisy, isn’t he? I have to have peace and quiet when I’m writing. I can’t have a bird squawking all night and day.”

“Please Ellen, I’m begging you. I asked everyone that I know and you’re my last hope. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to give him to a stranger. I know you will come to love him. He is a lot of company and he’s brilliant. He learns new words easily. He’ll keep you company. You spend so much time alone. It will be good for you. I’ll buy all his food and treats for him before I leave. I’ll trim his claws tool. Please, please I never really ask you for a big favor before. You’re my best friend and I trust you.”

“OK, OK. I’ve never really been able to say no to you. When are you leaving?”

“Well, next week. I know that’s short notice. But I got to get this new office up and running asap. What is a good time for me to bring him over, how about at the end of the week on Friday at noon time?”

“OK, well congratulations on your new job. I’ll miss you like crazy. This will be only the second time we will be living so far apart. But I guess it would have happened sometime. So, I better get going I have a lot of rewriting to do today. I only have five more chapters to go through and then I’ll be sending my new book to the publishers. I’m hoping this book will be the one that gets my books in all the bookstores and finally make a decent living.”

“You know that I think you are one of best writers I know. I’ll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you. But you don’t need good luck, you’re the best writer I know. So, I’ll see you tomorrow at about noon with your new best buddy.”

The next day at twelve noon sharp Kelly walked slowly to her front door as her doorbell rang over and over again. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Take it easy already. Kelly peeked out the front window and saw a strange-looking face looking back at her and nearly screamed. When she realized it was Harry the parrot looking back at her. She forgot how big he was. She opened the door and there stood Kathleen with Harry in tow.

“Good lord, I forgot how big Harry was. What kind of parrot is he Kathleen? He s a Macaw Kelly. I know you too are really going to get along like gangbusters. There’s never a dull moment when Harry’s around. Can you hold him for a few minutes while I bring all his stuff into the house? He has a big cage, but I only put him in it a night. Where do you want his cage ?”

“Where did I want it? I forgot he even had a cage. I guess you’ll have to put it on the back porch it’s enclosed and I can put a portable heater in there.”

“Oh, I also have a big perch that he sits on when he’s inside. You might want to put newspaper underneath it and change the papers every day. He doesn’t really make too much mess, but you have to clean off his perch and clean out his cage. Maybe you can go get his perch from the back of my van and I’ll hold Harry for you. Then you’ll have to get newspapers to put under the perch.”

OK, I’ll go get the perch and anything else I can carry in while I’m at it. As Kelly walked out of the car, she started to feel like this was going to be one of the worse mistakes of her life. How was she ever going to concentrate with that giant bird screaming all day and night? When she got to the car, she saw what appeared to be a bunch of tree limbs tied together. It was huge. She said, “good lord, out loud. “This is too much what have I gotten myself into?”

Kelly pulled the perch out of the car, dragged it to the front door, shoved it in, and slammed the door shut. And that is when she heard the most horrible noise she ever heard. Kelly screamed. “Oh my god, what is that freaking noise?”

“Oh, that was just Harry, you startled him. He’ll be fine once he gets used to his new environment. Oh, by the way, you may want to put away anything that is easily broken, Harry likes to chew on things and his beak is really strong. And until he gets used to you. Don’t put your fingers near his beak. But, don’t say anything you don’t want to be repeated. Oh, and he can fly.”

So, don’t leave the window or doors open. Only let him outside if he is in his big cage. This is a step-up stick, you put it in front of him and say “step-up, step-up Harry.” And he’ll step up onto the stick and then you can put him in his cage. Here I’ll demonstrate, Kathleen put Harry on the back of the couch and then got the pick-up stick and put it in front of Harry and said, ’step up, step up Harry. And Harry immediately stepped up. See, isn’t that easy. Whenever he does something, he’s told you can reward him with a treat like a peanut. Harry shelled the peanut and swallowed one after the other. Then he let out a sound that sounded like a fat man doing a belly laugh.

“Good lord, he is so loud.”

“You’ll get used to it. OK, I’m going to go get the rest of his stuff.

“There’s more?”

Thirty minutes later Kathleen had all Harry’s stuff in the house. Ellen was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and her heart was beating like a snare drum. She thought she might be having some kind of anxiety attack as Kathleen was at the front door and was about to leave for good. Kelly wanted to scream no, no don’t go. Take this freaking bird with you, I can’t do it. I just can’t. But she didn’t say anything. She couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. And then before she knew it Kathleen was gone, on her way to her fabulous future.

She was standing in her newly carpeted living room which now was festooned with giant splats of bird excrement. Kelly started to silently cry. And then she heard someone else sobbing too. It was Harry. He sounded exactly like Kelly, exactly. Kelly didn’t know if she wanted to continue crying or start laughing. Harry stared at her and he started laughing. Then they were both laughing and crying at the same time.

By the end of the week, Kelly found out that Harry was company, loud obnoxious company. But there was never a dull moment. Sometimes Kelly would read what she was writing out loud to Harry and he would laugh and sometimes cry. And the weird thing was he seemed to laugh and cry at just the right times. Between writing and cleaning Kelly was making progress with her book. And she found herself waking up early in the morning because Harry was calling out for peanuts. And sometimes he would make insightful comments like, “get rid of that guy.” And Kelly thought yeah, Harry’s right I should get rid of that guy. And then she would be inspired in another direction.

By the end of the month, she had finished her book and had a great concept for another book. She was starting her next book when she got a call from her publisher that he loved her new novel and the idea for her next book and send her a big fat check in advance.

Kelly went over to Harry on his perch and waved her check and said, “can you believe it we finished that book and I got an advance? Do you have any more ideas, Harry? “

Harry gave her the side eye and said, “Yes, Harry has plenty of ideas.” And he laughed as loud as he could. And so began the great partnership of Harry and Kelly.

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YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS COMING AROUND THE BEND

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Did you ever wake up and the first thought that pops into your head is I don’t feel like going to work or school today? So, you call out sick, but really you’re not sick. You’re just sick and tired of going to work or school five days a week, week after week, year after year.

Well, that is how I felt that fateful day. You never know what life-changing event might take place because you made one small change in your daily routine or one bad decision.

I was running along a highway that had very little traffic early in the morning. Occasionally a car would pass me, and the driver of the car would wave at me. I felt invigorated. I was headed toward a curve about a quarter of a mile ahead of me. All of a sudden, I heard what sounded like a large vehicle or truck coming around the curve ahead of me. I didn’t have time to react because, before I knew it, the truck came around the curve and into the wrong lane. There was nowhere for me to move out of the way. The next thing I remember is someone saying,’ hey kid are you alright?” But I couldn’t even summon the strength to answer him. And then the lights went out.

I remember a bright light shining in my eyes. And I heard a distant voice say, “can you track the light that I’m shining in your eyes, Thomas? Try to answer me. If you can’t talk, nod your head. It’s time to wake up now. Nod you head, Thomas.”

I tried to nod my head. I was suddenly terrified that I was paralyzed. The thought terrified me, and I started screaming at the top of my lungs. I could feel tears streaming down my cheeks and onto the bed. And then I thought, where am I? Am I at home? No, I must be at a hospital. I couldn’t move my head around to see. I started to cry again. I started yelling, ” I can’t move my head. What’s wrong? Why can’t I move my head or legs?”

“Try to calm down, Thomas. You were hit by an oncoming truck while you were running. That was two days ago. You had to have surgery on both your legs and your right arm. Your legs are in traction, and your arm is in a cast. You are not paralyzed. You will eventually be able to walk again. We will have to take it day by day. You will have to have physical therapy after your legs come out of traction, and your arm is healed. This will all take time. You must try to keep a positive attitude and have faith in yourself that you have the strength and the courage to endure the recovery period. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand that my life and my future have changed, and there isn’t anything you can do about it. Will I be able to run again or play basketball or football? Because that is my life?”

” As I said, we have to take one day at a time. We can not predict the future. We have to see how your fractures heal, and you will have to work very hard to regain your strength. Do you think you are up to some visitors? Your parents have been waiting patiently for you to wake up since you were brought by ambulance to the hospital. And there is a whole pack of your football buddies who want to see you. But I think they’ll have to wait a couple more days to talk to you. But I will allow them to peek in your room and say hello. Do you feel you are up to it?”

“Yes, I would like to say hello to my buddies, but I would like to see my mom and dad first. I’m sure my mom is a wreck. She has always been a worrier.”

“Alright, I’ll go into the waiting room and tell them that you are awake and would like to see them. It will take a couple of minutes.”

Thomas was overwhelmed by the circumstances. He was terrified. He couldn’t believe what had happened to him. He couldn’t imagine that his life would ever be the same again. The idea that he would never be able to play sports again and never run shook him to his core.

Thomas’s parents came into his room. He could see that his mother and maybe even his dad had been crying. His mother came over to his bed. And gently put her arms around him. She was extremely careful as if he were made of glass. “Oh, Tommy, my little boy. Oh, I’m so sorry this happened to you. But I’m so grateful that you survived that awful accident. I love you so much.”

“I know, Mom. Thank you for being here for me. I would be lost without you.” And then tears began to roll down his cheeks. And his mother held him as closely as she thought she could without doing any further harm. She was having a difficult time not falling apart into a thousand little pieces. She wished with her whole heart that it was her lying in this bed and not her only child. She wouldn’t have wanted to continue to live if he had died in that terrible accident.

And with that thought, she began crying in earnest. When she was able to calm herself down. She said, ” I will be sitting here by your side until you get out of this hospital. And I will use every ounce of energy in my body to help you recover if it is the last thing I do in this life. I love you so much.”

“I know, Mom. I’ve always known how much you and dad love me. I never doubted it for a minute. I’m so sorry about the accident.”

“Thomas, don’t say another word. In addition, the police have told us that the accident was totally the driver’s fault, and it was a miracle you survived, as did the driver.” And then she hugged him again. “Now, I’m just going to sit in this chair and keep you company until you are released from the hospital. I will not leave you for more than a minute. I promise. And then she pulled the chair next to the chair and sat down next to her dear son. She took a hold of his hand and didn’t let go.

Thomas’s father, who had been standing there without expression, his face pale as a ghost. He stared at his son and then leaned down and hugged him. Something he hadn’t done since he entered kindergarten. And then he shed a tear, and then several more followed. “Oh, Tommy, I don’t know what to say. If I lost you, I couldn’t bear to go on another day. I wouldn’t want to take another breath. I want you to know that you mean more to your mother and me than any car, house, or anything I can think of. Please know that we will always be there for you. We will always love you, no matter what the circumstances are. Our love is unconditional.

Thomas looked at his parents, and then they all started crying. The doctor walked in and stood there silently until he felt he could talk to them. “OK, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, I want you to know that I feel that Thomas will recover his ability to walk. We do not know as of yet if he will be able to continue with his sports career. But my staff and I will do everything in our power to try and make that happen. But please be aware that this will take much time, hard work, and patience. If you ever have a question or need to speak to my staff or me. We will be here for you.

Right now, I think it would benefit Thomas to get some rest. That is what he needs the most at this time. Rest. Later there will be hard work and some pain. But we will try to keep that at a minimum. I would like to examine Thomas right now. And then he should get some sleep. Please contact me with any questions.

“Thank you, doctor, for taking such good care of our son. He means the world to us. We will come back in a little while. My wife would like to sit by his side for the rest of the day after you examine him. If that is alright?”

“Of course, why don’t you two go get something to eat and some coffee? And then, Mrs. Anderson, you can come and stay with your son while he rests. As I said, contact me if you have any questions.”

With that, Tommy’s parents waved at their son and walked silently out of the room. When they walked down the hospital hallway, they were holding each other’s hands.

The doctor checked out Thomas again to make sure everything was as it was supposed to be. He knew the young man had a long road ahead of him. But he also knew he was lucky to be alive and to have such loving parents at his side. Not everyone was that lucky. He believed that this young man would succeed in whatever his future held for him. Only time would tell if he would be able to continue with his athletic career. Only time would tell.

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WRITE ON

Writer's Blog by Susan A. Culver

Author Archives: Susan

ALL I EVER DREAMED OF IS A GOOD NIGHT’S REST

THE HOME THAT MARIE AND HUGH BUILT

LIFE AS I KNOW IT

A DREAM COME TRUE

TO SLEEP OR NOT TO SLEEP THAT IS THE QUESTION

YOU CAN’T ALWAYS TELL A BOOK BY IT’S COVER

ALL MOBBED UP

AND THE WINNER OF THE LOTTERY IS

REPEAT AFTER ME

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS COMING AROUND THE BEND