Category Archives: Fiction

ADVICE TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

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Life offers each of us many challenges. Sometimes we are faced with several challenges in a single day. We become overwhelmed. And we have no clue on how to begin handling any of it.

Sometimes we find ourselves seeking advice from people we know that are older, wiser, or more experienced in life than we are. It is not unusual for us to ask for advice, but we don’t take it because we don’t like the advice we are given. It’s one of the odd quirks of human nature. And then, of course, occasionally, we are on the receiving end of unsolicited advice.

And having said that, it reminds me of a friend I had many years ago. Her name was Alicia Palmer. We went through elementary and high school together. And we parted ways for four years when we went on to different colleges. Throughout our early childhood and through high school, we were as close as two peas in a pod. We didn’t have any secrets from each other. In the first two years at the university, we kept in touch and then nothing.

And then I found out through the grapevine that Alicia had gotten herself pregnant unintentionally by her college boyfriend Gregory. And she dropped out of college and went home.

When I went home on Spring Break, I decided to see my old friend Alicia. She was back home with her parents. I didn’t call her first because I knew she probably didn’t want me to know about her pregnancy since she didn’t call me in the last couple of months. During the short drive to her house, I decided I would offer her all my love and support and nothing more.

I knocked on her door several times, and no one answered. There were two cars in the driveway, hers and her mother’s. Her parents had divorced while she was in middle school. I don’t think Alicia ever got over it. Her father married a much younger woman, and they now had two young kids. Her father didn’t keep in contact with her. I always felt that something deep down broke in Alicia after her father left. Maybe it would have turned out better if he still maintained his relationship with Alicia.

I kept knocking. I knew eventually one of them would answer the door. They knew from experience that I was relentless. And once I made up my mind about doing something, I never gave up. I began ringing the doorbell and yelling at the top of my voice, “I know your in there. You might as well answer the door because I’m just going to stand here all day knocking and ringing the bell.” I waited, and finally, Alicia came to the door.

“I knew it was you when the knocking went on and on. And then the doorbell started ringing non-stop. Come in already, why don’t you.”

I stepped inside the door, and Alicia closed the door behind me. I held open my arms and said, “come over here and let me hug you. I’ve missed you so much.”

Alicia looked straight into my eyes and then stepped into my open arms. We hugged each other for at least two minutes and then stepped back. We looked at each other, and we both started crying.

“Let’s go sit in my room where we can have some privacy.”

I followed Alicia up the stairs and to the left. I knew Alicia’s house like it was my home. I had probably spent more time here than at home. Alicia closed the bedroom door behind her, and we flopped on her bed just like old times. The bed still wasn’t made. Alicia’s mother was not much of a housekeeper, and neither was Alicia. But it wasn’t always that way. After Alicia’s father left and her parents divorced, her mother had to work two jobs. Sometimes she didn’t get home until late. They often ended up eating take-out pizza.

Alicia didn’t say anything at first. She kept wiping tears off her cheek. I waited quietly. I took her hand in mine. I waited. And then Alicia said, “Kelly, I know you must be mad at me for not keeping in contact. I’m sorry. I was so lonely at college. I had trouble making friends. So, when Gregory came along. I fell for him hard. We spent all our time together. I stop caring about school and all my plans for the future. All I did was think about him all the time. I failed two classes the semester I started dating him.”

And things just went downhill after that. And then the next thing I knew, I got pregnant. Gregory said he wasn’t ready to be a father. He said he still felt like he was a kid himself. I didn’t know what to do. I considered getting an abortion. But I kept putting it off, and then before I knew it was too late. So, I called my mother and told her. And she said, “Alicia come home.” And here I am, twenty years old and six months pregnant. I’m so ashamed and disappointed in myself.”

“Alicia, first, I want to tell you to give yourself a break. We all make mistakes. It’s not the end of the world. And please remember that there are people who love you. I love you like the sister I never had. And your Mom might be upset right now. But things will get better. I’ll be here for you the whole time. I promise.”

“What? You have to go back to school, don’t you?”
“I’m taking the Summer off from school and getting a part-time job. And the rest of the time, I will stick to you like glue. You’ll get sick of me. What do you say?”

“You would do that?”

“Of course, I would. And you know what else? I got a scholarship for the next two years, so I don’t have to pay for the classes. My parents have agreed to pay the rest of my expenses, including my rent for my apartment, off-campus. That’s right off-campus. And you can come live with me. I can help you with the baby. What do you say?”

“I would love it. Maybe I could take a class or two and catch up since I failed my last semester.”

“I think that would be awesome.”

“Kelly, I was so sure you would be mad at me for making so many mistakes. And that you would be disappointed because I got pregnant. And think I was pathetic. I couldn’t face you and admit what a failure I was and how stupid.”

“Alicia, you should know better than that. I’m your friend, and I always will be. We all make mistakes. It’s not my job to judge you or anyone else for the choices they made in their lives. You should see some of the losers I’ve dated.”

“So, Alicia, how did your mother take the news?”

“She’s upset. However, she has tried to hide it. She said she would go along with anything I decided to do. I know she is disappointed about me dropping out of school. She asked me if I wanted to end the pregnancy. I told her I was too far along, and she started crying. Then she hugged me and said, “everything will be OK.”  She contacted my dad, and he said, I want nothing to do with it.”

“He did? Wow, that’s cold. But maybe he’ll change his mind at some point because it will be his grandchild after all?”

“Maybe, but I’m not holding my breath. He hasn’t been much of a father to me. But I guess I’ll wait and see what happens after the baby comes. After the baby came, I never thought I would say that. I never really thought about being a mother before. I have no clue how to be a parent.”

“I don’t think anyone does. I guess you take it one day at a time. And you love the baby no matter what. And I know I will too.”

“Kelly, you’re the best. I was so afraid that you would tell me what to do and what I shouldn’t have done and thought I was stupid and that most of all, you would be disappointed in me.”

“Alicia, do you remember when we were little, and we would pinky swear that we would be friends forever. And that we would always be there for one another. Well, I meant it. Friends Forever. How about we talk to your Mom and tell her what we’re going to do. What do you say?”

“I say, yes, let’s go talk to my Mom. She will be so happy to see you. I should never have doubted you, Kelly. Friends forever.”

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ONLY TIME WILL TELL

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The girl looked very young but there was something about her that chilled me to the bone. She was somewhat smaller than the average ten-year-old child. So at first, I thought she might be younger. She had dark circles under her eyes. Everything about her exuded anger and sadness and defeat. Her shoulders were hunched. Her lips were pursed tightly. She shuffled into my office. She had an expression that looked both defiant and defeated at the same time. It was clear that here was an extremely unhappy young girl.

I stepped forward and took her hand in mine. Her hand was warm to the touch. Unlike her stare which was cold. “Shall we go into my office and have a seat?”

She walked into my office and looked around and said, “so you’re a doctor. But what kind of doctor are you? Your office doesn’t look anything like my regular doctor’s office where I usually go for a check-up.”

I was somewhat taken aback by her demeanor and the maturity of her question. “Amelia please take a seat. Well, Amelia, your mother has explained to me that you are having a hard time adjusting to school. Is that true? Are you having a hard time getting used to being in school and making friends?”

Amelia looks up at me and then over at the chair and she says, “I ‘d rather stand.”

I responded, “please take a seat, Amelia.”

She glared at me. Are you were having some difficulty adjusting to school? What do you think is the problem?”

“I don’t have a problem. The other kids are annoying. They make too much noise. It’s hard to hear the teacher. They can’t seem to sit quietly in their seats. They interrupt the teacher. One kid is always raising his hand to ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with what the teacher is talking about.”

“So this kind of behavior makes you feel mad. Is that correct?”

“Yes, of course, it makes me angry. What did you think? Wouldn’t it make you angry if your patients kept interrupting you while you were talking?”

“Well, Amelia, sometimes people have to ask questions when they don’t understand what is being said? Or sometimes they ask questions out of curiosity.”

Amelia stared straight into my eyes. And I could tell she was now angry at me because I offered an alternate reason than what she said. In fact, it seemed as if Amelia was having difficulty dealing with authority if they didn’t agree with her point of view. She seemed to have little patience for the less advanced students in her class.

“Amelia, tell me how you feel right now.”

“I feel mad.”

“And what do you want to do when you’re angry?”

“I want to tell you to shut up. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“What happens in your classroom when one of the other students disagrees with you?”

“I get really mad. I want to hit them. Usually, I just sit there and don’t say anything else. And then later if we are out in the schoolyard. I go over and tell them they need to shut up. If they say anything else I hit them or pinch them or kick them in the leg.”

“And then what happens?”

“My teacher or an aid comes over and takes me to the principal’s office and I get in trouble. They call one of my parents and they have to come to the school and take me home. This last time they told my mother I couldn’t come back to school for a week or until she took me to the doctor. I guess that’s why I’m here talking to you since you’re not a real doctor.”

“There are different kinds of doctors Amelia. I am a doctor that treats children and adolescents and sometimes families that are having difficulty functioning in school and at home sometimes. I talk to them and they tell me how they are feeling and what’s going on in their lives. What kinds of things are happening in your life Amelia outside of school? Can you tell me what are things like at home?”

Amelia glares at the doctor. And if looks could kill, he would be dead on the floor just from her look of hate and resentment. “Amelia I know it’s difficult to talk about things that are happening that you have no control over. Can you please try and tell me? I promise that this is just between me and you. And that I will find a way to make things better for you, at school and at home. Do you think you can trust me?”

“No, why should I? No one ever tells me the truth? When I ask my mom or dad if everything is OK they always say, yes. But then later at night, I can hear them yelling at one another. So, I know they’re lying to me. How can I trust someone that lies to me?”

“Amelia, I can understand why you don’t trust them. But they probably think they are protecting you by not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps it would help if your parents came in with you the next time you come to see me. And then you can all try to talk to each other about what is really going on. What do you think?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Amelia, let’s make a deal shall we? Can you promise to try to behave in the classroom if I can have your parents come in with you on your next visit to talk about everything that is happening in your family?”

“I don’t know. They might both get angry at me for telling you what is happening at home.”

“Well, it’s true. They might get mad at first. But maybe after they come here and you all talk together, things will improve at home. We can create a plan to deal with stress and learn how to discuss things without fighting. What do you think? Don’t you think if things at home got better you wouldn’t feel so upset at school all the time?”

Amelia looked at me and nodded her head up and down. And a tear rolled down her cheek and down her chin. “OK Amelia, I’m going to ask you to go sit in the waiting room while I call your mother in and I have a little conversation with her. Don’t worry she won’t be mad at you. She wants things to get better for you. Or she wouldn’t have brought you here to talk to me.”

Amelia looked at me and I could see a glimmer of hope come into her eyes as she nodded her head up and down. The next time Amelia had an appointment her parents came in with her. I spoke to her parents first. They both related how much they loved Amelia but that she could be a difficult child. Because she was so moody. They also admitted that as a couple they had their own difficulties.

Their problems were complex and would take a long time to overcome but I believed it was possible. We discussed different tactics they might try to resolve their issues. This included couple’s therapy. They also related that there were financial problems that evolved over several years. When one of them had to stay at home with Amelia before she was old enough to attend school. And they couldn’t afford child care and didn’t have family who could care for Amelia while they worked.

I gave them a name of a family financial advisor who would help them set up a budget and they could start paying off some of their long-standing bills including credit card debt. They had only been paying the minimum payment each month and their debt would never be resolved. They blamed each other for the debt. But in reality, they both used credit cards whenever they ran short of money.

The next time I saw Amelia she seemed less stressed and less angry. “How are things at home Amelia?”

“I guess it is getting better. My parents aren’t fighting as much. And my mother found a job that pays more and my dad was able to change from his night shift job to day time. So they see each other more. They still have arguments, but not every day and they aren’t screaming anymore. They are trying to talk to each other when they are not tired.”

“And how are you doing in school?”

“Well, I haven’t gotten in trouble since the last time I saw you. I still don’t have any friends. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t think anyone likes me. I’m trying to do all my school work. But sometimes I need help because I don’t know how to do the math or spell.”

“Alright Amelia, it seems like things are getting better. And that is great. I know that you are doing your best. I believe I will talk to your teachers and your parent about getting a tutor to help you catch up with your work. Especially the subjects you struggle with like math and spelling. What do you think?”

“OK, but I don’t want any of the kids to know how stupid I am. I don’t want them to know I have to have a tutor. They will make fun of me. They hate me.”

“No one will know about the tutors except your parents and teachers. And they are not allowed to tell anyone else about it. Does that make you feel better? And finally, I want you to know that the other kids don’t hate you. But it will take time for you to make friends with the kids in school. Why don’t you find one kid who doesn’t have any friends and talk to them.”

“Well, there is one girl who just started going to school there. She doesn’t know anyone yet, maybe I could try being friends with her. Her name is Samantha. She came from another state. Her father is in the military and they have to move around a lot,”

“That seems like an excellent idea, Amelia. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing. Keep up the good work. Can you ask your mother to come in? I would like to talk to her for a few minutes before you go?”

“OK, bye Doctor Freedman. See you next time.”

“Good morning. how are you? Amelia seems to be doing much better in school and she is being cooperative with her treatment. She has agreed to have a tutor to help with her school work. I think once she starts doing better in school her negative feelings about herself will start to resolve. She is a bright young lady but she has low self-esteem and she believes all the kids hate her.”

“I know doctor, but her behavior has improved immensely and she is being more cooperative in school. Her grades are going up a little. I have been trying to help her with her homework and studying. I think a tutor would be a big help. Thank you for arranging for that.”

“You’re welcome. How are you and your husband doing?”

“Since we are on a budget now. We are slowly getting the bills paid and even some of the credit card debt. My boss says that my performance at work has improved and he is considering giving me a better job and a raise. So now my husband and I are not so stressed out about money and we rarely have arguments at all. We try to discuss things calmly instead of yelling at each other.”

“I have to say I am impressed by how much progress you have all made. I think if things continue in the direction you are going Amelia will not have to come here to speak to me as often. Perhaps you will only need to come once a month for the next six months. And then maybe every six months unless she develops some new issue she needs to talk about.”

“Really doctor, that’s wonderful. I can’t thank you enough. Amelia is like a new girl. She hasn’t gotten in trouble at school for weeks, she is doing her homework. And best of all she doesn’t seem so sad and angry anymore.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. I want you to know that if any problems arise that you need to discuss please feel free to contact me at any time. Please tell your husband that he can call me at any time as well. Take care until I see you next time.”

“Thank you doctor for all you’ve done.”

“You’re welcome, but the fact is that you and your husband and Amelia love each other and did all the hard work yourselves. But I was so happy to help you in whatever way I was able to. Take care. I’ll see you soon.

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ONLY TIME WILL TELL

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The girl looked very young but there was something about her that chilled me to the bone. She was somewhat smaller than the average ten-year-old child. So at first, I thought she might be younger. She had dark circles under her eyes. Everything about her exuded anger and sadness and defeat. Her shoulders were hunched. Her lips were pursed tightly. She shuffled into my office. She had an expression that looked both defiant and defeated at the same time. It was clear that here was an extremely unhappy young girl. 

I stepped forward and took her hand in mine. Her hand was warm to the touch. Unlike her stare which was cold. “Shall we go into my office and have a seat?”

She walked into my office and looked around and said, “so you’re a doctor. But what kind of doctor are you? Your office doesn’t look anything like my regular doctor’s office where I usually go for a check-up.”

I was somewhat taken aback by her demeanor and the maturity of her question. “Amelia please take a seat. Well, Amelia, your mother has explained to me that you are having a hard time adjusting to school. Is that true? Are you having a hard time getting used to being in school and making friends?”

Amelia looks up at me and then over at the chair and she says, “I ‘d rather stand.”

I responded, “please take a seat, Amelia.”

She glared at me. Are you were having some difficulty adjusting to school? What do you think is the problem?”

“I don’t have a problem. The other kids are annoying. They make too much noise. It’s hard to hear the teacher. They can’t seem to sit quietly in their seats. They interrupt the teacher. One kid is always raising his hand to ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with what the teacher is talking about.”

“So this kind of behavior makes you feel mad. Is that correct?”

“Yes, of course, it makes me angry. What did you think? Wouldn’t it make you angry if your patients kept interrupting you while you were talking?”

“Well, Amelia, sometimes people have to ask questions when they don’t understand what is being said? Or sometimes they ask questions out of curiosity.”

Amelia stared straight into my eyes. And I could tell she was now angry at me because I offered an alternate reason than what she said. In fact, it seemed as if Amelia was having difficulty dealing with authority if they didn’t agree with her point of view. She seemed to have little patience for the less advanced students in her class.

“Amelia, tell me how you feel right now.”

“I feel mad.”

“And what do you want to do when you’re angry?”

“I want to tell you to shut up. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“What happens in your classroom when one of the other students disagrees with you?”

“I get really mad. I want to hit them. Usually, I just sit there and don’t say anything else. And then later if we are out in the schoolyard. I go over and tell them they need to shut up. If they say anything else I hit them or pinch them or kick them in the leg.”

“And then what happens?”

“My teacher or an aid comes over and takes me to the principal’s office and I get in trouble. They call one of my parents and they have to come to the school and take me home. This last time they told my mother I couldn’t come back to school for a week or until she took me to the doctor. I guess that’s why I’m here talking to you since you’re not a real doctor.”

“There are different kinds of doctors Amelia. I am a doctor that treats children and adolescents and sometimes families that are having difficulty functioning in school and at home sometimes. I talk to them and they tell me how they are feeling and what’s going on in their lives. What kinds of things are happening in your life Amelia outside of school? Can you tell me what are things like at home?”

Amelia glares at the doctor. And if looks could kill, he would be dead on the floor just from her look of hate and resentment. “Amelia I know it’s difficult to talk about things that are happening that you have no control over. Can you please try and tell me? I promise that this is just between me and you. And that I will find a way to make things better for you, at school and at home. Do you think you can trust me?”

“No, why should I? No one ever tells me the truth? When I ask my mom or dad if everything is OK they always say, yes. But then later at night, I can hear them yelling at one another. So, I know they’re lying to me. How can I trust someone that lies to me?”

“Amelia, I can understand why you don’t trust them. But they probably think they are protecting you by not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps it would help if your parents came in with you the next time you come to see me. And then you can all try to talk to each other about what is really going on. What do you think?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Amelia, let’s make a deal shall we? Can you promise to try to behave in the classroom if I can have your parents come in with you on your next visit to talk about everything that is happening in your family?”

“I don’t know. They might both get angry at me for telling you what is happening at home.”

“Well, it’s true. They might get mad at first. But maybe after they come here and you all talk together, things will improve at home. We can create a plan to deal with stress and learn how to discuss things without fighting. What do you think? Don’t you think if things at home got better you wouldn’t feel so upset at school all the time?”

Amelia looked at me and nodded her head up and down. And a tear rolled down her cheek and down her chin. “OK Amelia, I’m going to ask you to go sit in the waiting room while I call your mother in and I have a little conversation with her. Don’t worry she won’t be mad at you. She wants things to get better for you. Or she wouldn’t have brought you here to talk to me.”

Amelia looked at me and I could see a glimmer of hope come into her eyes as she nodded her head up and down. The next time Amelia had an appointment her parents came in with her. I spoke to her parents first. They both related how much they loved Amelia but that she could be a difficult child. Because she was so moody. They also admitted that as a couple they had their own difficulties.

Their problems were complex and would take a long time to overcome but I believed it was possible. We discussed different tactics they might try to resolve their issues. This included couple’s therapy. They also related that there were financial problems that evolved over several years. When one of them had to stay at home with Amelia before she was old enough to attend school. And they couldn’t afford child care and didn’t have family who could care for Amelia while they worked.

I gave them a name of a family financial advisor who would help them set up a budget and they could start paying off some of their long-standing bills including credit card debt. They had only been paying the minimum payment each month and their debt would never be resolved. They blamed each other for the debt. But in reality, they both used credit cards whenever they ran short of money.

The next time I saw Amelia she seemed less stressed and less angry. “How are things at home Amelia?”

“I guess it is getting better. My parents aren’t fighting as much. And my mother found a job that pays more and my dad was able to change from his night shift job to day time. So they see each other more. They still have arguments, but not every day and they aren’t screaming anymore. They are trying to talk to each other when they are not tired.”

“And how are you doing in school?”

“Well, I haven’t gotten in trouble since the last time I saw you. I still don’t have any friends. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t think anyone likes me. I’m trying to do all my school work. But sometimes I need help because I don’t know how to do the math or spell.”

“Alright Amelia, it seems like things are getting better. And that is great. I know that you are doing your best. I believe I will talk to your teachers and your parent about getting a tutor to help you catch up with your work. Especially the subjects you struggle with like math and spelling. What do you think?”

“OK, but I don’t want any of the kids to know how stupid I am. I don’t want them to know I have to have a tutor. They will make fun of me. They hate me.”

“No one will know about the tutors except your parents and teachers. And they are not allowed to tell anyone else about it. Does that make you feel better? And finally, I want you to know that the other kids don’t hate you. But it will take time for you to make friends with the kids in school. Why don’t you find one kid who doesn’t have any friends and talk to them.”

“Well, there is one girl who just started going to school there. She doesn’t know anyone yet, maybe I could try being friends with her. Her name is Samantha. She came from another state. Her father is in the military and they have to move around a lot,”

“That seems like an excellent idea, Amelia. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing. Keep up the good work. Can you ask your mother to come in? I would like to talk to her for a few minutes before you go?”

“OK, bye Doctor Freedman. See you next time.”

“Good morning. how are you? Amelia seems to be doing much better in school and she is being cooperative with her treatment. She has agreed to have a tutor to help with her school work. I think once she starts doing better in school her negative feelings about herself will start to resolve. She is a bright young lady but she has low self-esteem and she believes all the kids hate her.”

“I know doctor, but her behavior has improved immensely and she is being more cooperative in school. Her grades are going up a little. I have been trying to help her with her homework and studying. I think a tutor would be a big help. Thank you for arranging for that.”

“You’re welcome. How are you and your husband doing?”

“Since we are on a budget now. We are slowly getting the bills paid and even some of the credit card debt. My boss says that my performance at work has improved and he is considering giving me a better job and a raise. So now my husband and I are not so stressed out about money and we rarely have arguments at all. We try to discuss things calmly instead of yelling at each other.”

“I have to say I am impressed by how much progress you have all made. I think if things continue in the direction you are going Amelia will not have to come here to speak to me as often. Perhaps you will only need to come once a month for the next six months. And then maybe every six months unless she develops some new issue she needs to talk about.”

“Really doctor, that’s wonderful. I can’t thank you enough. Amelia is like a new girl. She hasn’t gotten in trouble at school for weeks, she is doing her homework. And best of all she doesn’t seem so sad and angry anymore.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. I want you to know that if any problems arise that you need to discuss please feel free to contact me at any time. Please tell your husband that he can call me at any time as well. Take care until I see you next time.”

“Thank you doctor for all you’ve done.”

“You’re welcome, but the fact is that you and your husband and Amelia love each other and did all the hard work yourselves. But I was so happy to help you in whatever way I was able to. Take care. I’ll see you soon.

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ALL IN A DAY’S WORK

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It had been a long, long day for Marie. She wearily plops down on the worn and tattered seat. Her legs and feet ached from the eight hours of standing in one place. Add to that the mind-numbing experience of making sandwiches all day, day after day for five years.

She stares out the dirty bus window wishing that one day she would wake up and find herself somewhere else doing anything else other than making sandwiches for forty hours a week at minimum wage.

Marie must have drifted off to sleep for a while

because when she woke up, there was someone’s head nestled on her left shoulder. And not only was he sleeping and snoring, but he was also drooling. Ordinarily, Marie tried to treat everyone with kindness. But this was just too much. And she gave the man a mighty shove, and his head flopped over in the other direction, and some old man accidentally smacked into him while he was walking down the aisle.

The sleeping man woke up with a start and yelped. His eyes popped open. He had no idea what had happened to him, but his neck and back hurt suddenly. He didn’t know if he was hurt intentionally or accidentally. But he was not happy. He yelled out as loudly as possible. “what the hell is happening?” Several people snickered, and the rest put their heads down. They learned over their many years of riding public transportation that it was better to keep your head down and mind your own business if you knew what was good for you.

Now everyone had their head down now as the injured man ranted and raved at anyone and everyone. “If I find out who done this to me, I will kick their ass up and down Federal Street. I will make you sorry for the day you were born. You are a dead man; I promise you that.” Then he stood up and looked around the whole bus as if he could detect who the wrongdoer was by sight or by smell, perhaps.

Marie was afraid of what would happen next. She regretted her behavior the moment after shoving the man’s head off her shoulder. Marie had never acted like that before. She wanted to apologize, but it was too late. She shrunk down into her seat and tried to disappear. She considered pulling the cord to stop the bus so she could get off before things got out of hand. It seemed as if many of the other passengers had the same idea as there was suddenly a mass exodus from the bus at the next stop. The man was eyeing everyone closely to see if he could determine who the culprit was.

Marie tapped her victim on the shoulder and said, “excuse me, but this is my stop. Would you mind if I got off now?”

He said, “what? Oh, you want to get off. Did you see who pushed me?”

“No, I didn’t. I hope you are alright? Can I get past you, please?”

The man stood up and let her pass. Marie hoped she never had to see him again. She certainly learned a lesson. As she descended the steps to the sidewalk, everyone on the bus looked at her. Because the regulars knew this wasn’t her stop. And they realized that either she was the one who pushed him, or she was terrified to sit next to him any longer.

He seemed intent on finding out who shoved him. Marie waited for the bus to continue down the street and then waited at the corner to take the next bus to her usual stop. Her heart was still pounding from fear. But she had learned a lesson for sure. Keep your head down and your hands to yourself no matter what happens.

When she finally arrived at her stop and took a deep breath. What a terrible day it had been. It certainly set a new low. As Marie walked down the street towards her apartment, she thought I have to make a change. I can’t go on like this anymore. Life is too short. Marie arrives at the door to her apartment building and unlocks it, and steps inside.

Her apartment is on the second floor. She gets her mail and starts walking up the steps. She is so thoroughly disheartened that she doesn’t know if she has the energy to climb the steps. She has to stop twice to take a deep breath and finally makes it. Marie unlocks her door and steps inside. It feels like she has been gone for a week instead of a day.

Marie takes her coat off and throws it over the back of her couch. And plops down in the middle, and she immediately realizes that she forgot about the spring under the middle cushion sticking up, and she yelps from the sudden, unexpected pain. “Well, serves me right,” Marie says out loud.

Marie knows she should look in the refrigerator for something to eat for dinner. But she decides to heat a can of soup in the microwave. She opens the cabinet and realizes that she needs to go food shopping and the one and only remaining can is beans. Marie knows beans will upset her stomach and her stomach is already in a knot. And she doesn’t want to be up all night from a stomach ache.

Marie doesn’t hold out much hope for something to eat in the refrigerator, but she takes a look anyway. She finds a hot dog but no hot dog roll. There is a hamburger roll, so she nukes the hot dog, cuts it in half, and shoves it into the hamburger roll. When Marie takes a seat at her kitchen table, she almost falls onto the floor because she forgot about the broken leg on her chair.

Marie stares at the hot dog in the hamburger roll and decides she deserves better than this. She has worked hard every day of her life since she aged out of the foster care system at seventeen. She tosses the hot dog sandwich into the trash, grabs her purse, and heads to the door. She closes the door behind her and heads back down the steps. Her stomach is growling with a vengeance now since she hasn’t eaten a thing all day.

As Marie steps back outside her apartment building, she looks to the right and the left. She sees a sign down the street that says, “GRAND OPENING.” She heads in that direction. The street is crowded with people headed home from work.

 She’s almost at the new shop when she hears someone call out her name, “Marie, Marie wait up.” She turns around to see who is calling her name and it is one of the tenants from her apartment building. She can’t remember her name. She decides to wait up for her. Marie suddenly recalls the woman’s name is Sarah. She doesn’t really know her. Even though they have both lived in the building for over ten years.

“Hello, Marie are you going to eat at the new restaurant today?”

“Yes, I was. I don’t have any food left in my place and I don’t have the energy to go food shopping today.”

“Do you mind if I join you? I get so tired of eating alone and not having anyone to talk to.”

“Yes, sure. That would be nice. I get tired of eating alone too. There is a short line outside the restaurant. So, they stand there and wait their turn. “Well, it is a nice day outside at least. I hope we don’t have to wait too long. So, Marie, I don’t think I ever asks you before but where do you work?”

“I work in a sandwich shop.”

“What, your kidding? Do you like working there?”

“No, I’m sick of making sandwiches all day. I should look for another job that pays more. It just seems like by the end of the day I just don’t have any energy.”

“I hear you. I felt that way for a long time and then I decided to start looking for a new job that paid better. It took me about a month I applied for every job in the area that had an opening. And I finally found a great place to work.”

“You did? What kind of job did you find?”

“Well, I found a job working in a shelter for homeless people. I know that sounds depressing but I love it. I feel like I’m really making a difference in other people’s lives. And I realized that my life isn’t as bad as I thought. I have a nice apartment, I can pay my bills. I have my cat who keeps me company.”

Marie looks at Sarah and says.” I guess you’re right. Things could certainly be worse. It must be awful not to have a place to live or even a place to sleep every day. I can’t imagine how stressful that must be.”

“Oh good, it’s our turn to get a seat. I could eat a horse, Sarah. I’m that hungry.”

Sarah laughs and says, “well I don’t think that will be on the menu.” And they both sit down at the nearest empty table and pick up a menu.

“You’re right Sarah it’s not on the menu. But spaghetti and meatballs are and that’s my favorite dinner.”

“You’re kidding mine too. I’m so glad I ran into you today. I don’t know why we never did this before.”

“Hey, they serve wine here. Would you like to share a bottle, Marie?”

“Well, I’ll have a glass maybe, I haven’t eaten all day and I rather not get drunk. I’m not used to drinking.”

“So Marie, there is an opening at the shelter do you think you like to come to fill out an application. The pay is pretty good and there are health benefits too. All the people that work there are nice. What do you think, interested?”

“Well, I don’t know. What am I saying, of course, I’m interested. I hate my job. It’s boring and tedious. I have to stand all day. Yes, please. Can I give them your name as a reference? Believe it or not, I don’t really know that many people even after living here for ten years. I just go to work and come home. I rarely go anywhere except food shopping.”

“Well, Marie you won’t be bored working there. And like I said, everyone that works there is nice. They care about other people. And at the end of the day, you feel like you are really making a contribution and helping people. Oh good here comes dinner.”

They both eat quietly, Marie said, “wow, that was so good and the prices are great. maybe I should go out to eat more often.”

“Well, I would like to go out to eat more often too. So how about you and I plan on going to eat together at least once a week?”

“Really, Sarah that would be great. Let’s see what’s for dessert. Marie picks up the menu again and says,” Cheesecake. I haven’t had that in years.”

“Oh, I love that too. Order two, my treat. Say, Marie, I’m on a bowling team and we are down one person. She moved to New Jersey. Do you play?”

“Well, when I was a kid, I was in a bowling league. But that was a long, long time ago.”

“So, it’s great fun. How about it? We meet every other Thursday night at the Bowlarama on 4th street. We can take the bus from the corner?”

‘Really, that sounds fun. Yes, I would love that.”

“Wow, that cheesecake was the best. How about taking a walk. It’s such a nice night? You can tell me about your day.”

“My day well, it was boring as usual until the bus ride home. Well, that’s a long story I’ll tell you while we’re walking…..

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THE EAVESDROPPER

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We all come into this world with talents and abilities. Some people are artists, some people are mathematicians or engineers, others are gifted linguists. The list goes on and on.

My talent is that I am a natural eavesdropper. Yes, that’s what I said I’m an eavesdropper. I initially became aware of my ability at a young age. I grew up in a large family with ten siblings. I was the youngest child.

I have siblings that are fifteen and twenty years older than I am. They were dating before I began elementary school. I was absolutely fascinated with the romantic activities of my elder brother and sisters. Their secret conversations on the phone as they hid in the hall closet, the notes they had tucked into their school books and jewelry boxes and purses or underwear drawer.

Try as they might to keep their secrets they couldn’t keep anything from me. Of course one of the reasons I knew all about their secrets was that they were barely aware of my existence. They ignored my presence in their lives as if I was merely a fly buzzing annoyingly in their faces. That they had only to shoo away with a wave of their manicured hands.

I became aware of their activities by chance. One late afternoon before dinner I happened to be reading one of my Nancy Drew Girl Detective Mysteries as I was lying on the rag rug on my bedroom floor. And I heard voices whispering. I looked all around but I couldn’t determine exactly where the voices were coming from. And then suddenly I realized I was hearing my oldest sister talking to what sounded like a boy. And the voices were coming from the radiator vent on the wall near where I was lying on my little rug.

I placed my ear flat against the heating grate on the wall. It was a little hot but I persisted. I breathe as quietly as I could. It was my next to oldest sister, Ellen. The boy was asking her if she was going to go to the Friday night dance at school that week. And she said, ” of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I so look forward to dancing with you holding me in your big, muscular arms.”

I almost gave myself away at that point because she was making me sick talking about all that mushy stuff. I should have stopped listening at that point. But I didn’t. I wanted to know more. My older sisters and brother never told me anything because they said I was nothing but a big baby. And I always ratted them out to my parents.

Then the boy said he was looking forward to seeing her at the dance in her new dress. Since he always saw her in the ugly school uniform. My sisters who are in Catholic High school had to wear plaid skirts down past their knees and a vest and blouse that had a Peter Pan collar. And big, old shoes that looked like the ones people wear when they go bowling. And the best thing of all was the beanie that girls had to wear on the top of their heads. The beanie was held on with five or six bobby pins. Little did I know that one day in the not too distant future I too would be wearing the same thing. I heard some heavy breathing after that. And then I heard my mother yelling up to me, “it’s time to take your bath.”

I kept telling her I didn’t need her to give me a bath that I was a big girl now. But she insisted I didn’t do a good job washing myself. Because one time I forgot to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. I yelled down at the top of my voice, “later mom, I’m busy.”

Then she said, “you better get down here right now before I have to come and get you.”

I knew then I better get down there or I was going to be in big trouble. So, I got my pajamas out of the drawer and went downstairs to get a bath. All I could think about was now I won’t find out what my sister and her boyfriend are going to do on Friday night.

And this was the beginning of my career as an eavesdropper. It just so happens that I am a curious albeit nosy person. Soon after I overheard my sister and her boyfriend’s conversation I decided that whenever I had the opportunity to listen through the heating grate I would.

And in this way, I found out about all the things that were going on with my parents and my sisters and brothers. I also found my middle sister’s diary. Which is a book where you write down all your hopes and dreams and all your feelings. But after I read the diary the first time I decided it wasn’t a good idea. I realized I didn’t want to know how my sister felt about everything. Especially when I read the part where she complained that she thought I was an obnoxious brat. That made me feel really bad since she was my favorite sister up until then. It changed the way I felt about her.

One Saturday afternoon I was up in my room trying on one of my sister’s clothes. I was being really careful because if she found out I was messing with her clothes she would probably kill me. So, I was being really quiet and I don’t think anyone knew I was home.

And all of a sudden I heard my father yelling at someone. I was afraid that he was yelling at my mother. I couldn’t stand it when my parents had fights. One of my friend’s parents used to fight all the time and then after a while, the father moved out and they got divorced. And my girlfriend hardly ever saw her dad after that because he married another lady and they had a kid together. I never even heard of people getting divorced before.

So when I heard my father yelling I was afraid he was mad at my mom and they would get a divorce. Then I heard the other person and it turned out it wasn’t my mother it was my brother. He apparently had a car accident and his car got wrecked. But luckily he didn’t get hurt. But all the same my father was as mad as I ever heard him be.

Just then my mother came home and when she came it she said she overheard them yelling from two houses away. And that they needed to stop. Then she said, “what are you yelling about anyway?”

My brother said, “I was in a car accident this morning on the way to work and the car got wrecked.”

“My mother said, “are you alright?”

“Yes, Mom I’m alright. But the car isn’t.”

My mother said, “why don’t we all sit down and decide what is the best thing we can do right now.” My father said, “well for one thing he can start taking the bus back and forth to work until he saves enough money to buy another car.”

My brother let out a sound like a whimper. I thought he was going to start crying. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. I had never seen my brother cry. I guess he really loved that car. He said, “Yeah, OK, I’ll start working some overtime and save money to get another car.”

My mother said, “alright you two need to clear out of the kitchen because I have work to do in here.

I realized in that moment that everything important that happened in my house happened in the kitchen. It was really the center of our family’s life. Which was great for me because there was a heating grate on the floor next to the kitchen table. Almost all the family conversations happened at the kitchen table.

One day I came home from school and my parents weren’t there. Which was really unusual. Almost every day when I got home from school my mother would be standing at the ironing board ironing all afternoon. Until it was time for her to start cooking dinner.

I couldn’t imagine where they could be. My mother was always home when I came home from school. And she would be waiting for me and my sisters with glasses of cold milk and homemade cookies. But she was nowhere in sight.

After about an hour I started to get worried. It was so weird that no one was home and no one called to let me know where they were and what they were up to. And even though my sisters didn’t like me and were mean to me I still loved them and wanted them to be OK.

And about a half-hour later my oldest sister called and told me that they were at the hospital with my mother. but they would be home by dinner time and they would be bringing home pizza for dinner. I all but shouted, “pizza, yeah pizza.” And then I remembered she said something about my mother being in the hospital.

“What do you mean mommy is in the hospital?” “What do you think I mean? She’s at the hospital having the baby.”

I said, “baby what baby?”

“Your new baby brother, that’s who. Why are you so dumb? Couldn’t you see she was getting ready to have a baby? She had that big stomach?”

“Big stomach, I just thought she ate too much and got fat. Why would she want to have another baby? She has me.”

“How would I know there’s hardly any room in the house as it is. And we only have one bathroom. Anyway, she won’t be home for a few days. But the rest of us will be home in about a half-hour with the pizza. Don’t get into any trouble. Why don’t you set the table while you’re waiting? Make yourself useful for once. And how come you didn’t know Mom was having a baby, Miss know it all? Always being in everyone ease’s business all the time. We all know that you listen to everything that is going on through the heating vent.”

“You do? How did you know that?”

“Well, Little Sis, did you know that we can hear you breathing and snickering through the vent in the kitchen just as easily as you can hear us up in your bedroom? You know we grew up here and we all used to do the same thing. So ha, ha, ha on you.”

I hung up the phone and got the dishes and silverware out and the napkins and set the table. I also climbed up on the counter and got down glasses, and the picture of ice tea out of the fridge. The whole time I kept thinking my mom had a baby and nobody told me. Why, oh why did we need to have another baby? I’m the baby of the family. I felt really sad and lonely.

When my dad and my sisters and brother came home they were all excited about the baby. When they came in the front door and into the kitchen I was standing at the counter waiting for them. My older sister said,”well look at you. maybe you’re not such a baby after all. Are you ready for some pizza?”

“Yes, I love pizza. When is Mom coming home? What does the baby look like?”

“Mom will be home in a couple of days. Having a baby is a lot of hard work. She’s tired. And when she gets home she will still be tired. We all have to help even you, nosy.”

I quietly nodded my head. And then my big sister said, “let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Two days later my mom came home. Her stomach still looked big, and I was afraid she going to have another baby. She came over to me and gave me a big hug and said, “everyone told me that you were a big help when I was in the hospital. Would you like to meet your little sister now? You’re her big sister now and you have to protect her and help take care of her.”

“I will Mom, can I see her?” So I uncovered the baby’s face and it was all red and she started screaming at the top of her lungs. I said, “What’s wrong with her? Make her stop, make her stop.”

“She’s just hungry why don’t you ask your sister to show you how you get a bottle ready for the baby?”

“OK. So I ask my big sister, Ellen,” please show me how to get the baby her bottle. Hey nobody told me what the baby’s name was?”

My sister said, “Mom wants to call the baby Isabella. It means beautiful. She named you Alaine, which means precious.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“No, you don’t know everything but from now on we’ll try to keep you in the know and not surprise you with a new sister or brother again. So you promise not to snoop and listen in on private conversations anymore, OK?”

I said OK, but I crossed my fingers so it wasn’t really a lie. And I kept on snooping to this day because I didn’t want to be left out of the loop again. So I lived to snoop another day. And this time I made sure that nobody knew I was still snooping. I knew it would be a talent that I could use in the future. Who knows I could become the next Nancy Drew Detective.

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THE EAVESDROPPER

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We all come into this world with talents and abilities. Some people are artists, some people are mathematicians or engineers, others are gifted linguists. The list goes on and on.

My talent is that I am a natural eavesdropper. Yes, that’s what I said I’m an eavesdropper. I initially became aware of my ability at a young age. I grew up in a large family with ten siblings. I was the youngest child.

I have siblings that are fifteen and twenty years older than I am. They were dating before I began elementary school. I was absolutely fascinated with the romantic activities of my elder brother and sisters. Their secret conversations on the phone as they hid in the hall closet, the notes they had tucked into their school books and jewelry boxes and purses or underwear drawer.

Try as they might to keep their secrets they couldn’t keep anything from me. Of course one of the reasons I knew all about their secrets was that they were barely aware of my existence. They ignored my presence in their lives as if I was merely a fly buzzing annoyingly in their faces. That they had only to shoo away with a wave of their manicured hands.

I became aware of their activities by chance. One late afternoon before dinner I happened to be reading one of my Nancy Drew Girl Detective Mysteries as I was lying on the rag rug on my bedroom floor. And I heard voices whispering. I looked all around but I couldn’t determine exactly where the voices were coming from. And then suddenly I realized I was hearing my oldest sister talking to what sounded like a boy. And the voices were coming from the radiator vent on the wall near where I was lying on my little rug.

I placed my ear flat against the heating grate on the wall. It was a little hot but I persisted. I breathe as quietly as I could. It was my next to oldest sister, Ellen. The boy was asking her if she was going to go to the Friday night dance at school that week. And she said, ” of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I so look forward to dancing with you holding me in your big, muscular arms.”

I almost gave myself away at that point because she was making me sick talking about all that mushy stuff. I should have stopped listening at that point. But I didn’t. I wanted to know more. My older sisters and brother never told me anything because they said I was nothing but a big baby. And I always ratted them out to my parents.

Then the boy said he was looking forward to seeing her at the dance in her new dress. Since he always saw her in the ugly school uniform. My sisters who are in Catholic High school had to wear plaid skirts down past their knees and a vest and blouse that had a Peter Pan collar. And big, old shoes that looked like the ones people wear when they go bowling. And the best thing of all was the beanie that girls had to wear on the top of their heads. The beanie was held on with five or six bobby pins. Little did I know that one day in the not too distant future I too would be wearing the same thing. I heard some heavy breathing after that. And then I heard my mother yelling up to me, “it’s time to take your bath.”

I kept telling her I didn’t need her to give me a bath that I was a big girl now. But she insisted I didn‘t do a good job washing myself. Because one time I forgot to rinse the shampoo out of my hair. I yelled down at the top of my voice, “later mom, I’m busy.”

Then she said, “you better get down here right now before I have to come and get you.”

I knew then I better get down there or I was going to be in big trouble. So, I got my pajamas out of the drawer and went downstairs to get a bath. All I could think about was now I won’t find out what my sister and her boyfriend are going to do on Friday night.

And this was the beginning of my career as an eavesdropper. It just so happens that I am a curious albeit nosy person. Soon after I overheard my sister and her boyfriend’s conversation I decided that whenever I had the opportunity to listen through the heating grate I would.

And in this way, I found out about all the things that were going on with my parents and my sisters and brothers. I also found my middle sister’s diary. Which is a book where you write down all your hopes and dreams and all your feelings. But after I read the diary the first time I decided it wasn’t a good idea. I realized I didn’t want to know how my sister felt about everything. Especially when I read the part where she complained that she thought I was an obnoxious brat. That made me feel really bad since she was my favorite sister up until then. It changed the way I felt about her.

One Saturday afternoon I was up in my room trying on one of my sister’s clothes. I was being really careful because if she found out I was messing with her clothes she would probably kill me. So, I was being really quiet and I don’t think anyone knew I was home.

And all of a sudden I heard my father yelling at someone. I was afraid that he was yelling at my mother. I couldn’t stand it when my parents had fights. One of my friend’s parents used to fight all the time and then after a while, the father moved out and they got divorced. And my girlfriend hardly ever saw her dad after that because he married another lady and they had a kid together. I never even heard of people getting divorced before.

So when I heard my father yelling I was afraid he was mad at my mom and they would get a divorce. Then I heard the other person and it turned out it wasn’t my mother it was my brother. He apparently had a car accident and his car got wrecked. But luckily he didn’t get hurt. But all the same my father was as mad as I ever heard him be.

Just then my mother came home and when she came it she said she overheard them yelling from two houses away. And that they needed to stop. Then she said, “what are you yelling about anyway?”

My brother said, “I was in a car accident this morning on the way to work and the car got wrecked.”

“My mother said, “are you alright?”

“Yes, Mom I’m alright. But the car isn’t.”

My mother said, “why don’t we all sit down and decide what is the best thing we can do right now.” My father said, “well for one thing he can start taking the bus back and forth to work until he saves enough money to buy another car.”

My brother let out a sound like a whimper. I thought he was going to start crying. I didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing. I had never seen my brother cry. I guess he really loved that car. He said, “Yeah, OK, I’ll start working some overtime and save money to get another car.”

My mother said, “alright you two need to clear out of the kitchen because I have work to do in here.

I realized in that moment that everything important that happened in my house happened in the kitchen. It was really the center of our family’s life. Which was great for me because there was a heating grate on the floor next to the kitchen table. Almost all the family conversations happened at the kitchen table.

One day I came home from school and my parents weren’t there. Which was really unusual. Almost every day when I got home from school my mother would be standing at the ironing board ironing all afternoon. Until it was time for her to start cooking dinner.

I couldn’t imagine where they could be. My mother was always home when I came home from school. And she would be waiting for me and my sisters with glasses of cold milk and homemade cookies. But she was nowhere in sight.

After about an hour I started to get worried. It was so weird that no one was home and no one called to let me know where they were and what they were up to. And even though my sisters didn’t like me and were mean to me I still loved them and wanted them to be OK.

And about a half-hour later my oldest sister called and told me that they were at the hospital with my mother. but they would be home by dinner time and they would be bringing home pizza for dinner. I all but shouted, “pizza, yeah pizza.” And then I remembered she said something about my mother being in the hospital. “What do you mean mommy is in the hospital?”

“What do you think I mean? She’s at the hospital having the baby.”

I said, “baby what baby?”

“Your new baby brother, that’s who. Why are you so dumb? Couldn’t you see she was getting ready to have a baby? She had that big stomach?”

“Big stomach, I just thought she ate too much and got fat. Why would she want to have another baby? She has me.”

“How would I know there’s hardly any room in the house as it is. And we only have one bathroom. Anyway, she won’t be home for a few days. But the rest of us will be home in about a half-hour with the pizza. Don’t get into any trouble. Why don’t you set the table while you’re waiting? Make yourself useful for once. And how come you didn’t know Mom was having a baby, Miss know it all? Always being in everyone ease’s business all the time. We all know that you listen to everything that is going on through the heating vent.”

“You do? How did you know that?”

“Well, Little Sis, did you know that we can hear you breathing and snickering through the vent in the kitchen just as easily as you can hear us up in your bedroom? You know we grew up here and we all used to do the same thing. So ha, ha, ha on you.”

I hung up the phone and got the dishes and silverware out and the napkins and set the table. I also climbed up on the counter and got down glasses, and the picture of ice tea out of the fridge. The whole time I kept thinking my mom had a baby and nobody told me. Why, oh why did we need to have another baby? I’m the baby of the family. I felt really sad and lonely.

When my dad and my sisters and brother came home they were all excited about the baby. When they came in the front door and into the kitchen I was standing at the counter waiting for them. My older sister said,”well look at you. maybe you’re not such a baby after all. Are you ready for some pizza?”

“Yes, I love pizza. When is Mom coming home? What does the baby look like?”

“Mom will be home in a couple of days. Having a baby is a lot of hard work. She’s tired. And when she gets home she will still be tired. We all have to help even you, nosy.”

I quietly nodded my head. And then my big sister said, “let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Two days later my mom came home. Her stomach still looked big, and I was afraid she going to have another baby. She came over to me and gave me a big hug and said, “everyone told me that you were a big help when I was in the hospital. Would you like to meet your little sister now? You’re her big sister now and you have to protect her and help take care of her.”

“I will Mom, can I see her?” So I uncovered the baby’s face and it was all red and she started screaming at the top of her lungs. I said, “What’s wrong with her? Make her stop, make her stop.”

“She’s just hungry why don’t you ask your sister to show you how you get a bottle ready for the baby?”

“OK. So I ask my big sister, Ellen,” please show me how to get the baby her bottle. Hey nobody told me what the baby’s name was?”

My sister said, “Mom wants to call the baby Isabella. It means beautiful. She named you Alaine, which means precious.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“No, you don’t know everything but from now on we’ll try to keep you in the know and not surprise you with a new sister or brother again. So you promise not to snoop and listen in on private conversations anymore, OK?”

I said OK, but I crossed my fingers so it wasn’t really a lie. And I kept on snooping to this day because I didn’t want to be left out of the loop again. So I lived to snoop another day. And this time I made sure that nobody knew I was still snooping. I knew it would be a talent that I could use in the future. Who knows I could become the next Nancy Drew Detective.

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TIME FOR A CHANGE

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I was on my way to work driving on the Schuylkill Expressway. The traffic was backed up for about three miles bumper to bumper. It was a beautiful day out, the sun was shining, there was a cool breeze and so I decided I would roll down my back windows. And I made the mistake of taking in a deep breath of air. Only to find I was actually breathing in the car exhaust of hundreds of cars in front of me.

I started coughing and choking. At that moment I decided that I had all I was going to take of my mundane life. I have been driving this same road going to the same job for over ten years. I just could not take another minute of it. I saw an exit ahead of me and I took it.  Heavy Traffic

I really didn’t have any clue what I was doing or where I was going. All I know is I wasn’t going to work today. I decided to head toward the Philadelphia International Airport. I turned on my GPS because I always get lost on my way to the airport. Well, not just to the airport I get lost every time I go anywhere I haven’t been before. The fact is I have absolutely no sense of direction. I spent most of my life making U-Turns because I would go in the wrong direction. And the other half of my life asking strangers for directions.

I follow the directions of the GPS on my phone. And then suddenly I remember that I don’t have my phone charger nor do I have any credit cards with me. I feel like screaming. Why oh why am I so forgetful? I don’t even have old age to blame it on. I’m just so disorganized. What in the world do I think I’m doing? It’s one thing to skip a day of work. But quite another to run away from my job of fifteen years. Not to mention I forgot all about my cat, Ivan the Terrible. Who would take care of him? I must have lost my mind or had a stroke or something.

I decide to pull off the next exit and stop at a fast-food restaurant and get some breakfast. Maybe I have low blood sugar or something. Yeah, that’s it low blood sugar. I see a McDonald’s up ahead and pull into the turning lane. I haven’t eaten at McDonald’s in years. I gave up junk food. I have to admit I loved McDonald’s fries. I decide that one Egg MC Muffin and a side of fries isn’t going to kill me. I pull into a parking spot and head for the door.

A kind of rough-looking character looks me up and down as I pass him in the doorway. I really detest when men look at women like objects. I feel like smacking him. Then I take a second look at him and decide that isn’t such a great idea. I continue into the restaurant and walk over to the line where you place your order. There aren’t too many people in there because it’s a workday. And most people will get a take-out breakfast sandwich and eat it on the way to work. Well, at least the hard-core junk eaters will. I used to be one of them and I hope I’m not on the slippery slide to eating take-out junk food again.

I get my order of fries and eggs MC Muffin and a hot coffee. I decide to eat in my car. So I head out to my car and beep open the lock and plop down in the driver’s seat. I shove about five fries into my mouth and all but swallow them whole. Oh, yeah they are deliciously salty and crunchy. I take a big slurp of coffee and almost burn my tongue off. I all but shout, “crap, my tongue.” And then I hear someone banging on my driver’s side window. I thought, was I yelling that loudly?”

I look out the window and it‘s the scary-looking guy that passed me on the way into the restaurant. I roll down the window a few inches.”Yeah? What is the problem?”

He taps on the window and mimes that I should roll the window down more. I think, no way, Jose. And I shake my head back and forth. He yells, “open it or I’ll make you sorry you were ever born.”

Now I’m shaking in my boots. I’m about to pull away when he bangs on the window, hard. And not only that he‘s pointing a gun at me. I’m about to put my car in reverse when I see him cock the trigger. I think, maybe I’m still in bed dreaming. This isn’t really happening. And then why? Why me?”

He is looking straight into my eyes and he has his face pressed up against my window. and he says, “open the door, or I’ll shoot you and take your car.”

I look around and I don’t see anyone in the immediate vicinity who could help me. I open the door a crack. He says, “move over, I’m driving.”

And the next thing I know I’m in the passenger seat and he’s driving with his left hand and he is pointing the gun with his right hand directly at my face.

“Let me go, take the car. You don’t need me. I won’t call the police. You don’t need a hostage.”

“Don’t tell me what to do lady. I had enough of people telling me what I should or should not do.”

“I’m not trying to tell you what to do, only that I will just be an added burden and that you can make a faster get-away without me. I promise I won’t call the police. Just let me go.”

I know I said I was tired of going to the same job and I wanted to have a more interesting and challenging life. But really, this is not what I had in mind. As I sat there thinking this might be my last day on earth. I looked over at this low-life savage and I thought no way, no way in hell that this neanderthal is going to kill me today or any other day.

And that is when I saw that there was a traffic jam ahead of us and that the cars were almost completely stopped about ten cars ahead of us. I knew that when we came to a stop I was going to get the hell out of Dodge and out of this 2003 Mitsubishi, someway, somehow.

And at that moment that my car started to slow down almost to a halt I quietly grabbed a hold of the car handle and pushed through the car door open and propelled myself out of the car and rolled onto the tarmac. And by some miracle, no car ran over me. I jumped up and ran as fast as I could on the highway until I saw a police car about twenty feet ahead of me. And I started screaming at the top of my lungs, “help, help a man hijacked me and my car. Help, help, help.“ I saw a cop walking towards me. And he said in a matter-of-fact way, “what’s seems to be the trouble lady. It isn’t safe to be jogging on the highway are you trying to get yourself killed?”

I looked at him with my eyes almost popping out of my head. “I’m not jogging on the highway officer. I and my car were hijacked at the McDonald‘s when I stopped to get an Egg Muffin and French Fries. I haven’t had one in years. I know I’m babbling but this thug kidnapped me and my car. That’s my black 2003 Mitsubishi back there about ten cars. And the guy driving it is a kidnapper. He threatened to kill me with a gun that he put right in my face.”

“OK, OK I want you to get in my vehicle and calm down we will arrest this guy and you will get your vehicle back as soon as possible. He opens up the back door and I hop in as fast as I can. By now there are a lot of people watching as the traffic was stopped and they were all bored of looking at the vehicles in front of them. In fact, some of them had their heads hanging out of the car windows and are waving at me. I put my head down low as I didn’t want to see my face on Social Media anytime soon.

And I keep my head down. And then a terrible thought crosses my mind. Are they going to arrest that thug and throw him in the back of the car with me? I said, “No way in hell” out loud. And that’s when I start to open the back door of the car and attempt to get out and yell, “don’t put that monster in the car with me.”

Another police car had pulled up next to the car I was in and the cop in it got out and came over and said, “get back in dear lady, before you get hurt. The guy that stole your car has been arrested and he’s on his way to jail. Your car is being towed to headquarters. As soon as you get to the police station you will give a report of what happened today. And you and your vehicle can be on your way. You will be called to testify against him when he has his day in court. Do you understand?”

” I look up at him and think “yeah, I understand buddy.” But I just nod my head up and down a couple of times. And then I sit back in the chair and think about the turn of events that happened to me. I decided I really didn’t want a life where I never knew what was going to happen on any given day. I like to feel safe and secure. Not in fear of losing my life. But what I did need was a vacation and that is what I was going to do when I finally got to my job. Tell my boss I need a vacation as soon as possible. And I would come back a new woman.

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THE COLLECTOR

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It’s isn’t unusual for people to collect things. Collecting is an ordinary activity for people. While it’s true some people take it a step too far. That’s hoarding and I am by no means a hoarder. I’m a collector I pick and choose what I collect. It is not an obsession. I swear to god.

Yes, it’s true that I have been collecting all my life since I was a young girl. I grew up in the fifties and superheroes were popular with kids. I didn’t have any money but I wanted to be able to buy comic books just like all the other kids my age. My favorites were Casper the Ghost, Superman and Wonder Woman, and Archie. 

Mutter Museum skull collection

 

So I would collect soda bottles from my neighbors or on the Main Street downtown from the trashcans. I would take them to the little store on the corner down the street from my house. And then I would turn them in and get money for them. Then I would walk to the News Stand a store that sold newspapers, magazines, and comic books. It was right next to Tony’s the shoe repairman’s shop. Tony was friends with me and I would always stop by and say hello when I went downtown. I kept the comics for years until my father decided they weren’t worth keeping and threw them out while I was at school one day.

I started writing to movie stars and television actors and asking for photographs with their signatures on them. I used to hide these so that no one would throw them out. I have to admit I got a little paranoid about it. I hid my precious collections in places where no one, especially my father would find them. For instance between my mattress and box spring, and in my underwear drawer.

As the years went by I became more particular about the things I collected. I didn’t just collect memorabilia anymore. I kept things that had emotional meaning to me. Like a picture of me with two of my best friends from grade school when we went to the New York Worlds Fair in 1965. You could see the Unisphere in the background.

When I was about nine or ten years old I started visiting the town library and I was simply amazed by the sheer number and variety of books that were available to borrow. And it didn’t cost anything. I just had to fill out an application with my name and address. And I could take out any of the children’s books. It wasn’t a big library. It only had two rooms. The children’s library was in the back. By the time I was about thirteen I had read all the books in the children’s library and the librarians decided I could start reading the adult books. I was immediately attracted to the Mystery Books. I spent almost all my free time reading.

My love of reading initiated my desire to start collecting books on subjects that interested me. It ignited a desire to learn. Reading became a means to escape from the unpleasant things in my life. I became a collector of knowledge starting with animals and ending with curiosity about the stars and the universe.

It wasn’t long before my book collection was larger than the library of my childhood. I had to buy a bigger house with a room that was large and all the walls were lined with bookshelves.

I spent all my free time going to estate sales and book sales. I met a lot of interesting people at these sales. Often I would see the same people repeatedly. We often had discussions about all the different places that we frequented to find our treasures. I have to admit I was somewhat taken aback by the crazy things that some of them collected.

There was one woman that only collected Cook books, an elderly man that only collected fountain pens. A middle-aged man that collected colored pencils, but only used colored pencils not new ones. He said pencils that had been used still held the thoughts and talents of the previous owner’s within them. The most unusual collector traveled the world collecting the stickers from bunches of bananas that people bought at the food store. I couldn’t imagine why. He told me his followers sent him banana stickers from all over the world. I could not comprehend what kind of people would follow someone that collected banana stickers.

It really staggered my mind how people spent their time and money on anything as useless as banana sticker, or even one poor soul that collected chap sticks. He assured me that they were in pristine condition, never used. He had 6,000 of them and he insisted that they were all different. How is that even possible?

The years passed by quickly and at long last my library shelves were filled and I had to start stacking them on the floor. Soon my floor was covered with books. And I had to make a pathway to my bed. One morning I woke up with a start and I had what I can only explain as Divine Inspiration. I would start collecting the subjects of my books, and not just the books. I spent the next month perusing all my books and trying to decide what I should start collecting.

My latest book was about spiders. Well not so much spiders themselves but arachnophobia. The fear of spiders. I was trying to overcome my phobias at the time. And my greatest fear was spiders. It was a childhood fear that I was never able to overcome. But I decided in that moment on that morning that I was going to overcome my fear of spiders by surrounding myself with them. Well, I don’t mean everywhere just on the third floor of my house. It was a large area and up until now the only thing I collected up there was dust.

I found a place called INVERTS. They promised that they had the absolute best inverts for sale in the WORLD. That you could find spiders, tarantulas, moon crabs, centipedes, millipedes and scorpions. I drove three hours to their establishment. I was there before they opened. The owner finally arrived and was surprised to see someone in his parking area. It turned out that they did most of their business online.

All the same, he asked me to wait a few minutes and then he would open up his shop and I could spend as long as I wanted to look to my heart’s content.

I spent five hours studying all the creatures. And slowly I developed a fixation about them. The sheer number of different and unusual species. The variation in shapes colors and size. I decided that I had to have not one, not two but every species eventually.

I began my collection with arachnids. They are an arthropod group that includes spiders, daddy longlegs, scorpions, mites, and ticks. I decided to start with the Poecilotheria metallica. It is known to be one of the worlds most colorful and beautiful spiders. It was so beautiful I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. It look like it was made of sapphire. The owner of the store told me it was from India. He also mentioned that it would grow to be about eight inches. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her. She had an egg sac and the owner said he would sell that too if I wanted it. But I had to be aware that there could be a thousand spiderlings (babies)He pull a pad of paper out of his pocket and wrote a large sum of money on it.

I stared at the figure for five minutes and then I said, “yes, I’ll take her.” And that my friends was the beginning of a short but intense love affair. I purchased a habitat and supplies for her.

“Are you certain that you want to take the egg sac? The number of spiderlings is quite impressive and difficult for an inexperienced collector to care for. I suggest you take one of the males. They don’t grow as large and you won’t have the additional responsibility of the spiderlings. If you want I can keep the female until the spiderlings are born and then you can take her and the spiderlings can survive independently?

“No, I’m sure I am capable of taking care of a spider and it’s offspring. I’ve been preparing for this kind of collection my whole life. If you would just gather everything that I will need right now to care for them including the crickets or any other food you feel that they need?”

And that my friends was the beginning and the end of my days of collecting. As soon as I arrived at home I brought my beautiful Sapphire female and egg sac to their home on the third floor.  I spent the entire day setting up their habitat and making sure the temperature on the third floor of my house was optimal for them. I place the female in her tank. It was quite large. I wanted her to feel at home and not confined. I placed a small tree trunk in there for her to nest in. And she settled in. I couldn’t stop watching her. Even though she wasn’t moving around that much.

The owner of the store told me it took about eight months for the spiderlings to emerge so I expected them in the next week or so. I had to go out one afternoon to have my car tuned up because it was due for inspection the following week so I was out for several hours. I had overslept that morning and I was in a rush and apparently I left the cover of Peacock’s aquarium uncovered. That’s what I call her Peacock.

I had to wait in a long line at the car inspection station so I was delayed even longer. When I arrived home I headed up to the third floor to check on Peacock. I was so excited about the coming of the spiderlings. I was out of breath from running up the steps two at a time and I turned on the light and ran over to Peacock’s habitat. She was there but her egg sac wasn’t. I noticed several tiny spiders within the habitat. But where were the others? And that is when I realized that the cover was off. I yelled, “oh no the spiderlings got out.” I panicked, I stood there immobilized. I didn’t know what to do. I decided to call up the pet store where I purchased Peacock and ask him what to do.

“Hello, hello I have a problem. I’m the person that bought the Peacock Spider. Her spiderlings got out they are all over the place what can I do?”

“How did they get out?”
“I forgot to put the cover back on the habitat. And then I went out and now they are everywhere. What can I do?”

“That is unfortunate. This is why I advised you to just take the Peacock and not the egg sac. There could be a thousand babies. The easiest thing to do is to get your vacuum and suck them up. You have to be thorough if you miss even a few you will soon be overrun. Another solution is spray them with bleach and water, or essential oils and water, or pour boiling water on them. Or using a fly swatter and put them in a plastic bag.”

“Oh my that just sounds heartless, I don’t know if I can do it. I’ve been waiting so long to see them.”

“Well, the only other suggestion I have is to open all the windows up and some of them will go out the window and then at least they will have some chance at survival. If you leave them unfettered they will eventually mature and you can capture them because they will be large enough to catch. But if you don’t capture all of them they will start reproducing. And then you will have a monumental problem and your whole house will have to be fumigated. Good luck. Let me know how it all turns out.”

And then he hung up the phone without another word. I decided to use the open window method. And I blocked all the vents on the third floor and covered door jam so they couldn’t get out into the rest of the house. This was all because of my carelessness. I shouldn’t have gotten the spider sac that was a mistake. What was I thinking? I went downstairs and drank six cups of coffee. I was really wired. I decided to go out to dinner and a movie and then come back and see what was what?

When I got home from the movie I didn’t think my choice of moves was stellar either. I watched  The Darkest Hour. A movie about an alien invasion that did not end well. I stopped at a bar on the way home and had a beer and a shot. Between the six cups of coffee and the beer and a shot, I was both wired and tipsy.

I drove slowly home afraid I would have a car accident. Two block from my house I got pulled over by a local cop and he insisted on doing a breathalyzer because I was driving too slowly. And then I told him I only had a shot and a beer and six cups of coffee. I wanted to confess to him about the invasion of thousands of spiderlings. But I thought if I did he would really think I went off the deep end. And he would cart me off to jail for sure.

He let me off with a warning and I continued on my way home. This had to be one of the worse days of my life up ’til now. I decided that when I got home I would have just grit my teeth and just vacuum the hell out of my third floor and pray that none of the spiderlings managed to get down to the first or second floor.

I dragged the vacuum upstairs and spent the next two hours vacuuming the floor over and over and then I took off the vacuum bag and put it into two plastic bags and took it out to the trashcan and dropped into and secured the lid on as tightly as possible. I guess time would tell. I went back to the third floor and wiped down the windowsills and closed the windows. What a day. I looked into the habitat and Peacock was busy with her remaining babies. I fed her and turned out all the lights. I was tuckered out. I went downstairs and took a hot shower and fell into bed and didn’t wake up until 9 AM the next morning.

I laid in bed and thought about all that had transpired. It was clear that perhaps collecting live creatures was not for me. So, I decided to take Peacock and her remaining offspring back from whence she came. I would only collect inanimate objects in the future. And then I remembered my childhood fascination with weapons especially knives, guns, weapons and cannons.

 

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THE GARDEN OF TEARS

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It seems like a lifetime ago but it really wasn’t. It was only a year ago that I had lost all faith in myself and my life so much so that I didn’t feel like living anymore. It all began when I was involved in a serious car accident. I was driving along Route 70 in Cherry Hill. I was taking my mother to her eye doctor. She only had vision in one of her eyes because she had a detached retina the year before and her eye doctor was unable to repair it.

My mom was sitting in the front passenger seat. Out of nowhere a semi-truck in front of me lost control of his vehicle when someone cut in front of him and he was unable to slow down quickly enough and he hit the car and I rear-ended him. And then a car behind me hit my car. That’s the last thing I remember. 

When I woke up or perhaps became conscious I found myself in the emergency room of a hospital. The first words out of my mouth were, “is my mother alright? She was with me in my car. Is my mother alright?”

The nurse that was standing next to me took a hold of my hand and said, “I’ll go get the doctor.”

“No wait, wait just tell me that my mother is alright.”

The next thing I knew there was a tired-looking bespectacled and bald doctor standing next to my bed. He said, “Miss Reynolds, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but unfortunately your mother was very seriously injured and she passed away on the way to the hospital. There was nothing we could do.”

“What? No that can’t be true. We were just on the way to her eye doctor’s. It’s a twenty-five-minute drive from our house. She can’t have died. She’s the only family that I have left. The tears started running down my cheeks. I felt my heart break. I mean I literally felt my heart break in two. There was a tremendous weight in my chest. I couldn’t understand how I could still be alive and breathing. My chest started to hurt, I couldn’t breathe.

The doctor called out for the nurse to bring the defibrillator stat. The next thing I remember is when I woke up I felt confused. I didn’t immediately recall what had happened. There were all kinds of tubes in me and on me. There was something in my throat and I couldn’t talk. And then a doctor and a nurse appeared out of nowhere. And they started checking all the tubes and my pulse.

The doctor said, “Miss Reynolds, please try to calm down. Do you remember where you are?”

I tried to calm down. I slowed down my breathing and counted to fifty. My mother used to tell me to do that when I got upset. As I thought of my mother, it all came rushing back to me. And the tears started streaming down my face again.

“Miss Reynolds please try to remain calm. You had a mild heart attack. You’re going to be alright. But you must keep calm. I’m going to ask you some questions. Please don’t try to talk, just nod or shake your head from left to right. Do you understand?”

I nodded my head up and down.

“Are you having any chest pain or difficulty breathing?”

I moved my head from left to right slightly.

“Alright you’re doing well, now try to take slow, easy breaths. It doesn’t look like any serious damage was done to your heart. I have no doubt that you will recover completely. I want you to stay here for another twenty-four hours and we will monitor your heart and your overall condition. And send you home with some medication and the name of a cardiologist that you should see in about two weeks. He will take over your care. And once again I want to remind you to take it easy and slowly return to your regular activities. Do you understand?”

I nodded my head up and down.

“OK, we’re going to remove the tube in your throat, but leave in the IV for now. It will feel a little uncomfortable and your throat may be sore for a couple of days. Today you will be on a liquid diet. And if you are feeling better tomorrow we’ll try solid food. And hopefully, you will be released. Do you have someone who can pick you up?”

I nodded my head up and down again.

A nurse came into the room and stood next to my bed, “alright nurse could you please remove the endotracheal tube?”

As she removed the tube I felt a choking sensation and almost started coughing but I calmed myself down and I was finally able to breathe on my own again.

“Can you breathe without difficulty?”

“I said, “yes.” But my voice came out all raspy and my throat hurt.

“Can I see my mother?”

“I’m sorry Miss Reynolds but your mother is no longer in the hospital morgue. She was transported to the local mortuary. The nurse will give you the information and phone number for you to contact if you feel up to calling them. Or if you give the nurse a family or friend’s name we can contact them and ask them to come here and assist you in these details. Do you have someone to call?”

“Yes, my closest friend, Marilyn.”

“Do you have any relatives to call and notify?”

“No, no one. My mother and I were the only family left and now she’s gone. My father died two years ago from cancer. I’m all alone.”

“ I’m sorry to hear that but please, please try to relax. You can give the nurse the name of your friend and contact information. I will come in later before I’m off–duty today and check on you. There‘s a button you can push if you need help to go to the bathroom or you need anything else. Alright?”

I nodded my head up and down. But the tears kept running down my cheeks even though I had put a smile on my face for the doctor. And then he turned and walked slowly out of the room. I wondered how anyone could even work in a hospital and remain sane. All the death, the loss, the fear, responsibilities, and the weight of all the broken hearts.

The next morning I was given a soft boiled egg and limp toast for breakfast and lukewarm tea. I hate soft-boiled eggs but I ate it anyway my stomach was growling. And I know that they wouldn’t let me out of here until I ate something and went to the bathroom.

I called Marilyn and she said that she had been trying to get a hold of me for two days and was going out of mind with worry. I told her about the car accident and she started to cry. Which made me start crying all over again. She told me she would be there at ten AM sharp. And I believed her because she has never let me down ever. She is the sister I never had. I trust her as much as I trusted my dear mother.

The doctor came into my room about twenty minutes after I hung up the phone on Marilyn. “how are you feeling today?”

“Honestly doctor I don’t know how to feel. I never lost my mother before and had a terrible car accident and had a heart attack in the space of two days. If it wasn’t for my friend, Marilyn I don’t know what I would do.”

“But how are you feeling physically? I think you should stay in the hospital for another day. But since you don’t want to do that I’m giving you my office number. And if you have any difficulty at all, any chest pain, call and we will fit you in. I have scheduled you for a check-up at the Cardiologist I recommended in two weeks, don’t miss it. If you have any problem with the medication I prescribed call my office. I’m serious. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand. Thank you, doctor. I’ll see you soon.”

My friend Marilyn showed up at 10 AM sharp. As soon as she came to my room’s door I felt the muscles in my stomach relax. She came over and put her arms around me and didn’t let go for at least five minutes. We were both crying. “Oh, Marie I’m so, so sorry about your mother. This is so hard to take in I can not even begin to understand how badly you feel. How are you feeling now? Are you having any more chest pains?”

“No, they put me on medication. It has helped a lot. I have the doctor’s number and I have an appointment set up in two weeks. I have to arrange the funeral. It’s just so difficult to believe that I’ll never see my mom again. And that’s when I started crying again. I don’t know where all the tears come from. I thought I would have run out by now.

“Well, I’m going to be with you the whole way. You won’t be doing this alone at all. And I went over to your house and packed a suitcase and your personal things and brought them to my house. Because that is where you will be staying for as long as you need to.”

“Thank you Marilyn I was dreading going to my house and not seeing my mother standing there waiting for me. I just don’t know how I will go on without her.”

“You won’t be alone, I love you like a sister. I hope you know that I will always be there for you, no matter what.”

I looked at Marilyn and said,”you’re the best I don’t know how I was so lucky to meet you and stayed friends ever since first grade.”

Marilyn helped me hobble over to the bathroom and then I said, “oh no, I don’t have any clothes to wear they cut them off when I was in the emergency room.”

“Not to worry Marie, I brought some comfortable pants and a sweatshirt and underwear and socks and a pair of your sneakers. I’m going to help you take the gown off and put on your clothes. I brought your navy blue jacket too.”

I looked a Marilyn and the tears rolled down my face. I wiped them away. And new tears appeared. “I’m sorry Marilyn I can’t seem to stop crying.”

“Don’t apologize anymore, Marie. You have nothing to apologize for. You are the strongest person I know. You took care of your dad for two years when he was dying from cancer. You have been taking care of your mother. You are so much stronger than you realize. You are the bravest person I have ever known.”

“I don’t feel strong at all. It feels like my heart could stop at any minute. I can’t think of a single reason to keep breathing in and out. I can’t imagine living another day without seeing my beautiful mother again. Life without my mom will be an empty and lonely one without her. Oh Marilyn I don’t think I can go on without my mother. It was bad enough when my dad died. And now I’m all alone.”

Now Marilyn was crying too. “No, no, no you are not alone. I am here for you and I always will be. Your mother wouldn’t want you to feel this way. She would want you to continue on with your life and find happiness again. She would never, never want you to give up on life. Promise me that you won’t give up. I need you. Look straight at me and promise that you won’t give up.”

I looked right into Marilyn’s eyes and they were red and swollen and I knew I didn’t want to be the one that made Marilyn feel alone in the world. I knew she needed me as much as I needed her. “I promise I won’t say that again. I will try my best. I will take one day at a time to keep going. I promise I won’t leave you alone. And then we hugged each other like we were never going to let go. And Marilyn helped me get dressed and I splashed some cold water on my face.

An orderly brought a wheelchair to my room and said, “your limousine awaits you, madame. I laughed for the first time. I knew he probably said this to everyone but still it made me feel special in that moment and I said, “why thank you so much.”

And we were on our way. I was leaving my old life behind me and moving into an unknown future. I took a deep breath and sat down in the wheelchair. And then Marilyn said, “come on Marie let’s go home now and you can get some rest, and guess what I’m making you your favorite dinner, french fries, and hot dogs.”

I smiled at her and then the orderly helped me get into my seat and buckled me in. I said, “thank you, kind sir.” And then he tipped his invisible hat and headed back into the hospital.

“OK, Marie relax and buckle up. We’ll be home in a few minutes I’m going to take the scenic route and avoid the highways. So why don’t you take a little nap and I’ll wake you when we get home.”

I no sooner sat down and buckled my seat belt and I must have fallen asleep immediately. Because the next thing I knew I heard Marilyn say,” we’re home, we’re home.”

I opened my eyes and I saw Marilyn’s house. I tried to hold back the tears. I really did. But it felt like I had no control over my body anymore. It did what it wanted. Marilyn just ignored the tears and came over to my side of the car and helped me get out and hobble over to the front door.

She unlocked the door, and let me in, “OK do you want to have lunch now or would you like to go take a nap first?”

“Hot dog and fries first”, I said.

“OK, have a seat at the kitchen table and I’ll go get you things out of the car. Don’t try walking around until I get back in here. You will probably feel a little weak for a while.”

“OK, I won’t. I’ll sit here and wait patiently. Looking forward to a cup of tea too. The hospital tea was never hot like I like it.”

“I’m going to make a whole pot of Earl Grey for you. I went out and bought all your favorite teas, including your favorite Chai.”

“You’re the best, thank you.”

Marie drank the whole pot of tea. “Oh that was so good, there’s nothing like Earl Grey.”

“OK, when you need to use the bathroom let me know, I’m going to make the hot dogs and fries. I know that’s not very healthy. But it’s your favorite.“

Marie swallowed her last sip of tea and Marilyn said, “do you want to take a nap now?”

“I think I better start making the arrangements for my mother now. It all seems like a bad dream. I felt the same way after my father died from cancer two years ago. Like it was a bad dream. I still can’t take it all in but I’m going to have to deal with it now rather than later. We didn’t really have any family left. But my mom had a lot of friends with the woman’s club and her church so I’ll have to get my mom’s phone book to let them know. And I’ll have to get the papers from my dad’s funeral so I can contact the funeral parlor and the cemetery where my dad is buried.”

“OK, after lunch do you want me to go over to your house and get the papers? And you tell me what you want to bring back here and I’ll put it in the back seat and trunk of my car. Anything big, we’ll have to hire a moving truck.”

“OK, but first I have to take care of the funeral and the service and contact my mother’s friends. “

“We can do this together, don’t worry.”

Two days later Marie and Marilyn were in the church waiting for the funeral service for her mother to begin. Marie couldn’t bear to see the coffin. She just couldn’t imagine looking down at her mother and knowing she would never see her sweet and loving face again.

And then Marie heard the priest say, “shall we say our final prayers for the deceased, Kathleen Reynolds. A loving mother and wife and friend to all that knew her. She will be missed by all. Please come up and say goodbye to her. Knowing that you will all be reunited in the afterlife. Marilyn could you please come up first and then everyone else may follow.

Marilyn swallowed hard and using all her remaining strength she got up out of the pew and propelled herself forward to the front of the church in front of the altar where her mother lay in her coffin.

Marilyn stared down at her mother or what remained of her mother’s early remains and made herself lean down and kiss her gently on her cheek. She whispered, “I love you with all of my heart Mom, I couldn’t have asked for a better mother and friend than you have been for me all of my life. I will think of you every day and keep you in my heart always. Until we meet again.”

As everyone filed out of the vestibule they followed one another out to their cars and to the cemetery. Marie and Marilyn’s car was the first to arrive following the hearse. And they drove quietly through the gate that said, THE GARDEN OF TEARS.’

Marilyn said that is such an odd name for a cemetery.”

“Oh, it’s called that because the owner said the tears of all the people who lost loved ones watered the flowers throughout the cemetery.”

Marilyn took her friend, Marie’s hand and held it throughout the funeral and kept it until they returned to Marilyn’s car, and then she gave her a big hug and said, “let’s go friend to whatever the future holds for us.’

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A COLD WINTER’S DAY

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Christine stood next to her car her feet literally frozen to the ground. She had pushed unlock several times on her key fob but nothing happened. She tried inserting her key into the locks and the key turned but the doors refused to open. Her entire car was covered in ice. The doors were covered in ice as were the windows and the mirrors. She tried each door and the same result. Her mind refused to accept what was obvious. She was locked out of her beloved car in the middle of nowhere with no help in sight. 

Her hands, feet, and face are burning from the cold. The wind is relentless and so cold that she‘s having trouble breathing. She feels a tear run down her cheek and it freezes there.

She considers her options. Wait and see if her car’s locks eventually thaw out. Wait for someone to drive by and stop and help her. Or continue banging on the doors and pulling on them with all her might until she couldn’t do it anymore.

Or she could start walking to the nearest house. And beg to come in and use their phone. Her cell phone is locked in her trunk and besides her cell phone didn’t work this far out in the boonies.

And then there was the issue of her car’s engine that just slowly stopped and then wouldn’t start up again. Dead battery perhaps. Who knew? She sure didn’t. By no stretch of the imagination was Christine an auto mechanic. Her expertise began and ended at pulling up to a self-serve gas station and putting gas in the car and inserting her credit card into the right slot to pay for the gas.

Usually, Christine was able to remain calm no matter what problem she faced. But recently there have been so many problems, so many unexpected catastrophes that she feels overwhelmed by even the smallest inconvenience. She decides to try the locks one more time and if they didn’t work, she will start walking.

Now the key wouldn’t even turn. She pounds on the door until her hands are numb from the cold and bleeding. She sees no other choice but to start walking until she finds a house or a trailer. She would settle for a semi-dilapidated barn.

She pulls her knitted hat down over her ears and takes her leather gloves out of her pockets and puts them on. She had them for many years. They were a Christmas gift from her husband years ago. Or should she say, ex-husband? Well, they were still married back then but not now. That was one of the catastrophes in recent months. Apparently, he wanted an upgrade in wives, a newer model without the wrinkles and sagging muscles. Someone who might be able to make him a father. Because she wasn’t able to do that.

He was supposed to get married in June. And just last week she received an invitation to their wedding. When she opened the envelope she couldn’t believe her eyes. He had the unmitigated gall to invite her to his wedding with his child bride. Well, she wasn’t exactly a child but almost. She had just turned twenty- two.

Her first impulse was to call him up on his cell and tell him to go straight to hell. Then she thought that she would turn up at his wedding and make a horrible scene. But she knew that would probably backfire on her. So reluctantly she decided to respond that she could not attend as she would be out of town and leave it at that. And maybe she would plan a getaway to some tropical island somewhere or take a cruise or go mountain climbing and jump off the top of a mountain. She just couldn’t decide. She was having trouble making decisions altogether.

In fact, that is why she found herself in her present predicament. Last week she notice her car was making weird noises, and it wouldn’t always start right away in the morning. And she kept telling herself to call and make an appointment at her mechanics to have it checked out and tuned up. But she kept putting it off. Her husband always took care of the cars.

As a result, she found herself walking down a lonely, deserted country road with no houses in sight. She had been on her way to a town about fifteen miles from here to visit an old friend of hers, Mallory. She had purchased a farm and was trying to make a go of it. Christine was having difficulty picturing her friend running a farm since she had been working in tech for the last ten years. But she knew better than anyone how life can change in the blink of an eye.

As she walks down the road she contemplates all the changes that took place in her own life in recent years. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she couldn’t blame her husband for everything. Yes, he wanted children. And when they realize she couldn’t get pregnant. He started talking about adopting. But she was actually relieved that she couldn’t get pregnant. Because she didn’t really want to be a parent.

She loved her job and couldn’t imagine staying home, changing diapers and doing wash, and cleaning the house. It was the last draw for him and he felt she should have told him before they got married that she didn’t want children. She didn’t realize she didn’t want kids until he started pushing her in that direction. She should have told him right away, but she didn’t. And that was on her.

In the distance, Christine could see what looks like a farmer in a field. She started double-timing it in that direction. It was the first good thing that had happened to her in months. By the time she arrived on the road next to the farm, her hands and face and feet were completely numb. She could hardly breathe and she was afraid she would die before she got to him. She started waving her hands frantically in his direction. He waved back.

She realized she would have to go to the farmer. She started walking in that direction. Finally, she was within feet of him. “Hello, oh I’m so happy to finally find someone. My car broke down about three miles back. I’m absolutely frozen could you please, please help me?“

“Oh of course, but we will have to walk up to my house, come on it’s not that far. You poor thing you must be frozen with just that thin jacket on.?”

After about two minutes Christine saw a farmhouse. “Oh thank god, I thought I would die if I had to walk any further in this cold.”

“Here we are. Now let’s get you in the house and get something warm in your stomach and a couple of blankets around you in front of the fire. Shall we?”

“Yes, please. It sounds like heaven.”

“Here we are. Let’s go in. I’ll call my wife. She’ll be happy to have another woman to talk to for once. She usually only sees other people on Sunday when we go to church. A farm keeps you really busy, sunup to sundown.”

“Martha, we have company. A young lady’s car broke down and she had to walk a couple of miles out in the cold. Could you come in and give her something warm to eat. I’ll stoke the fire and get her a blanket.”

“Oh dear, you must be frozen. I just made some fresh vegetable soup and homemade bread. How’s that? What’s your name dear?”

“My name is Christine, I was going to visit a friend of mine and my car broke down. Your farm was the closest place I found since my car stopped working altogether. I‘ve been walking for a good while when I finally saw your husband. Really, he saved my life. Thank you.

“Oh, I don’t know about saving your life, but at least you‘re safe and soon you’ll have something warm in your stomach. Do you feel better yet?”

“Oh yes, I can finally feel my hands and feet. Oh, this soup is so delicious. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. When I’m done could I call my friend to come and get me? My purse and cell phone are locked in the trunk of my car.”

“Of course, dear go right ahead. And please feel free to use the bathroom it’s to your right.”

“That’s a good idea. I guess I really do have to go, but I was so cold I didn’t even think about it.”

“Oh I feel so much better, my friend said that she only lives a few miles from here and she’ll get here as soon as possible. She’s on her way.”

Christine comes out of the bathroom and smiles at the farmer and his wife.”Really I can’t thank you enough. You have renewed my faith in humanity. I live in the city and sometimes I feel so alone even though there are people everywhere. No one even makes eye contact. It makes me feel invisible sometimes. I grew up in a small town in the North East in New Jersey called Maple Shade. We all knew our neighbors and had tons of friends. Everyone waved at people they saw walking around town even if they didn’t know you. It’s a different world now.”

“Yes, the world has changed so much it’s true. People think they are connected to everyone what with the internet and social media. But really they’re not. They don’t really know one another. They don’t interact directly with people they just make comments on social media websites. Out here in the country even though we don’t all live right next to each other we have to make an effort to know our neighbors. Because you never know what kind of emergency might happen. And you have to have people who care enough about you who you can call for help.”

“Really, that must make you feel safe knowing there are people you can call at any given time. You are lucky.”

“Well, I don’t know if I would call it luck. We all have to make an effort to create a community of people that care for one another. People that we can rely on in the good times and the bad. It’s not luck, it is hard work to maintain friendships and community support. Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you a lecture or advice. You don’t even know us. I guess that’s the mother in me talking to you like you are one of my daughters.”

“Oh, do you have a large family? I was an only child. I was spoiled but on the other hand, I always wished I had sisters and brothers who cared about me. My parents died in a car accident when I was in college. And now I don’t have anyone. “

“Well, we have five grown children two sons and three daughters. They are all married and have children of their own now. But they visit whenever they can and we love spending time with our grandchildren. They come and spend the summer with us here on the farm. They love all our animals and they are a great help taking care of them. We hope one of them will want to take over the farm after we’re gone.”

“Really that sounds wonderful. I’m so glad my car broke down and I met you. Can I use your phone to call my friend to come to pick me up and could you tell me someone in the area that could come out and look at my car and see if they can fix it or tow it to get it fixed?”

“Of course dear, let me get you those numbers. And by the way, we are the Rafferty. My name is Martha and my husband here’s name is Johnathan. I’m sorry your car broke down but I”m so happy you found us. I want you to know that you are welcome here anytime you come out this way to visit your friend.“

Then Christina called her friend Mallory and told her about her car breaking down, Mallory said she had a friend who was a mechanic and she would ask him to go out and tow Christine’s car. And she would come to pick her up and Christine could stay with her at her farm until it was repaired. She was sorry for her trouble but so happy she would have an excuse to visit with her for at least a couple of days.

About forty minutes later Mallory was knocking at the kitchen door at Martha’s and Johnathan’s house. “Come in, come in get out of the cold. Please have a cup of tea before you and Christina leave. Oh, where’re my manners. I’m Martha and that is my husband, Johnathan. It’s always wonderful to meet someone new. And today we met two new friends. Would you like a piece of apple pie to go with that tea?”

“I would, that sounds wonderful.”

“Here’s your friend Christina. I think she finally thawed out.”

“Oh, Mallory I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here. But thanks so much and I so look forward to spending a couple of days with you. And now I’ve made two new friends and have double the reason to come visit you.”

As Mallory and Christina finished off their pie and tea the Rafferty’s hugged them both and said, “all in all, this has been a wonderful day. Here’s our phone number please, please give us a call the next time you come for a visit to Mallory we would just love that so much.”

Christina and Mallory hugged the Rafferty’s and Christina said, “this really has turned out to be a great experience. You never know what life will bring to you each day. Thank you so much, and I definitely will call you next time I visit Mallory. “Shall we be on our way Mallory?”

“Yes, and thank you for taking care of my dear friend.”

Christina looks at the Rafferty’s and say’s, “you know my mother used to say when you look back at all the experiences in your life both good and bad, you realize that life is beautiful. I never knew what she meant until now. And she hugged Martha and Johnathan and waved as she and Mallory were on their way to her farm.

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