Category Archives: My Memoirs

Childhood Isn’t Always What It Is Cracked Up To Be

I skipped and half-ran down to the corner house. Darlene Domeraski’s house. I looked forward to the visit all day. While I suffered through the dear nuns ranting and raving, all the way to the three o’clock bell at dismissal.

I absolutely loved going to Darlene’s house not because she was my best friend because she wasn’t. She was Janet Rathgab’s best friend.

I loved her house because she had her own bedroom with a giant queen-sized bed that had a down-filled comforter. She had a closet full of dresses made for her.

Sea Turt;e

Sea Turtle

I did covet everything that lived her kitchen cupboards and inside the oven where they stored their snacks.

Darlene’s father came home about four-thirty that afternoon. He called Darlene outside and said,” Hey, Darlene and Susie I have something to show you.” I followed her to the driveway next to the grapevine where we often ate so many grapes, we got sick. He called us over again. “Come here girls take a look.” He let us stand on the back of the truck bumper. As we peered down, I saw a beautiful sea turtle. I was about to reach out and touched it when he pulled out a long knife and cut off the turtle’s head.

I screamed as loud as I have screamed in my ten years of life. I jumped off the bumper of his truck and ran the two blocks to my home. Just as I reached my house, with tears streaming down my face I got sick on the sidewalk. I stood there crying until my tears ran dry.

I wiped my eyes dry with the sleeve of my favorite yellow sweater and took a deep breath and ran up to my front door, and into the kitchen. My parents were sitting at the kitchen table. My father said, “hey Susabelle, what’s the matter? Were you crying?

I looked at my father and then over at my mother and I said. “What no, I just ran all the way home so I wouldn’t be late for dinner. I never went over Darlene’s house again. I never coveted her house, her clothes or her room again either.

Snow Days

Susie in favorite winter coat 1961- Photo by Hugh Carberry

The next best thing to a hot, summer day is a Snow Day. All winter I pray every night before I went to bed. I would get down on my knees and pray. “Dear God please would bless all my pets. And then I would list them Sweetheart, Pretty Boy. These were my pet birds. And Big Shot and Skipper and Bandit, my hamsters. And then offer Naomi, one of our dogs and Strottles, a stray cat that I loved move than life itself. All of these animals are no longer alive, but I believed that I would see my beloved animals again once I too went to heaven.

I would squeeze my eyes tightly shut and pray and sometimes beg please, please God let it snow. Other children would ask God to bless the pagan babies because that was who the nuns told us to do. I wasn’t sure what pagan babies were, but I wanted snow more than anything at all, including pagan babies being blessed.

During the winter nights in the years, I attended Our Lady of Perpetual Help School between 1957 and 1965. I prayed for snow. And during those eight years, we did get unbelievably amounts of snow. It was not unknown for it to snow twelve or more inches to fall overnight on top of the snow we received a week ago. The snow didn’t always melt in between snowstorms because it was too cold for it to melt. And I firmly believed in the power of prayer because every winter we were inundated with snow and sleet and wind so cold it took your breath away and all but froze your eyeballs.

And why you may wonder would I pray for snow? Well, the answer is simply this, Snow Days. And snow days meant if it snows enough, school will be canceled, and there was nothing I loved more than not having to go to school for a day. If we were lucky a couple of days.

I wake up and immediately look out my bedroom window to see if it snowed that night.  It did.  And low and behold it’s still snowing. I say a silent prayer of thanks.

I run down the steps and into the kitchen and scream at the top of my voice, “Ma, did they cancel school?”

“Yes, Susie, school is canceled. Stop screaming like a banshee.”

“Oh, hurrah, I’m going to get dressed and go outside and play.”

“What? No, you’re not. It isn’t even 7:30 yet. You’re going to go sit down and have a hot breakfast. Something that will stick to your ribs and keep you warm. And let your food digest, and then you can go out.”

“What? No, I’m not hungry I want to go out now before the snow melts.”

“The snow isn’t going to melt Susie. It’s extremely cold outside. It won’t melt. Go upstairs and put on your warm clothes and a sweater. And then you’ll eat, and then you can go out.”

I run up the steps two at a time and throw on two pairs of pants, two pairs of socks and a shirt and a sweater. I can hardly move. My dad is sitting at the table. “Why are you dressed like that, Susie?”

“Because it is snowing outside, and Mom told me to.” My dad never wears anything but a fake fur hat and a wool scarf around his neck. It doesn’t matter how cold it is outside or if it’s snowing. Hat and scarf, that’s it.

“Sit down, Susie. I have your breakfast ready. I will warm you up.”

My mom hands me a bowl of hot oatmeal. I hate hot oatmeal. But I know if I don’t eat it, she won’t let me go outside. I shovel it down as quickly as possible. It’s horrible and looks like vomit. But I eat it all the same. And my stomach is warm but nauseous.

“Thanks, Mom. Can I go outside now?”

“First, go brush your teeth.”

“What, brush my teeth?” Then I looked at my mom’s face and see she is getting a little annoyed at me. So, I go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. As I come out of the bathroom, I walk over to the hall closet and grab my coat. It’s a little tight what with all the extra clothes. And then I grab the box on the shelf and look for two gloves that match. I stick them in the pockets. I cut through the swinging door from the hall to the living room and out the front door like a shot.

As I open the front door, the cold air slaps me in the face. It’s unbelievably cold. I pull my hood up over my head and tie the string under my chin tight and pull my wool scarf up to my nose. Wow, it’s so cold. I can’t believe it. My dad hasn’t shoveled the snow off the steps or sidewalk yet. So, I have to plow through. I realize I don’t have my boots on and turn around and go back into the house.

“I forgot my boots,” I yell at the top of my voice. I hear my father say, “ one day Susie is going to forget her head .”
I open up the cubby hole where we keep our boots and schoolbags and crawl in and start pulling out boots looking for a pair that will fit me. I find a pair. I think they are my sister’s, but they fit over my shoes. So, they probably won’t fit hers. And out the door, I go again. It’s a blizzard out there, but it doesn’t deter me. I plow through the snow down the steps once again. Snow goes inside the boots since it’s deeper than my boots are high. I continue pushing my way through the snow on our sidewalk and out our gate.

I turn right and head down toward my best friend’s house. She lives three doors away. It takes me a long time to get there. When I finally make it up to her house. I’m out of breath and believe it or not I’m sweating from the exertion of walking three houses away. I look at her sidewalk, and I see her sidewalk isn’t cleared yet either. I try calling her over and over as loud as I can. But she can’t hear me because of the wind. I’m about to leave when I see her waving at me through her front bedroom window. I see she is still wearing her pajamas. She probably just woke up. She is slow as molasses in the morning, and it takes her forever to get up and dressed and eat. I know she won’t be out any time soon.

I head back towards my house. I finally arrive. Snowflakes about the size of half-dollars are starting to fall in force, but I continue on my way. I decide to go to the church parking lot in the back of the church. That’s where kids always hang out when school is canceled because of snow. The front of the church and the sidewalk up to the church are shoveled. Mr. Preto, the janitor of the church and his brother, Mr. Preto, probably came out here early this morning and shoveled the steps and all the sidewalks going up to the church. So, the ladies that go to Mass every day could get to church. My mother is one of the ladies that go to Mass every day and says the rosary afterward.

I walk down the sidewalk on the Lombardi’s side of the church.  The Lombardi’s are our next-door neighbors. My house is two doors down from the Our Lady of Perpetual Help Church. The OLPH School is right next to the church and rectory where the priests live.

As I make my way down towards the back parking lot, I slip and fall on the slippery sidewalk. I have trouble getting up because the sidewalk has a thin layer of ice underneath the snow that has recently fallen. My butt would probably hurt more but it’s frozen from the cold. I keep going. And low and behold I see about ten kids climbing the mountains of snow.

What mountains of snow do you ask? The mountains of snow all over the parking lot. The church owns a snowplow, and it always comes out and plows all the snow from the parking lot and piles it in mounds about five or six feet high. These are the mountains where all the kids in the town play when there is a big snowstorm. This is where I’m heading.

I see a couple of kids from my fifth-grade class, and I head in their direction. They see me and start waving at me. I wave back. After what feels like hours, I make it to the mountain of snow they are on top of it. I see one of the kids fall down to the ground. I keep watching to see if he’ll get up. And he does and he starts climbing up the snowy mound again. He makes it to the top and starts waving and yelling.

I get to the hill, and I start my climb. I pull myself up hand over hand until I get to the pinnacle. I see a hand stretched out to me. I grab hold of it. And just as I’m about to get to the top, I feel they are letting go of my hand. And down I go, I look up before I hit the ground and I see the hand belongs to one of the boys in my class that spends all his free time torturing me. I promise myself to seek revenge at my first opportunity. I start my ascent.

I finally get to the top and I see my nemesis smiling down at me. I reach up as high as I can, and I grab his hand and pull as hard as I can. And down he goes and so do I. We both hit the ground hard. It knocks the air out of my lungs, and I can’t speak momentarily. And then I look over at him, and he starts to laugh and so do I.  I guess neither one of us will be King of The Mountain, this time.

We both get up and start up the hill again. The first Snow Day has begun.

YOU GOT IT MADE IN THE SHADE IN THE SUMMER

I wake up covered in sweat. My bedroom is unbearably hot. But that isn’t why I woke up early. I hear a buzzing in my ear. I always cover my head with the sheet at night to keep the biting mosquitoes at bay. But that doesn’t stop the annoying and relentless buzzing.

Before we go to bed for the night, my family searches out all the mosquitoes in the house and massacre as many as we can find. New Jersey used to be a swamp. The swamp is gone, but the mosquitoes remain. It’s the only thing I detest about summer — the mosquitoes. I make a promise to myself that tonight, I will not leave a single mosquito alive. I make this promise every night, but tonight I will not fail.

Downtown Maple Shade, NJ 1960s

The 5& 10 Store Main Street, Maple Shade, NJ

I hear my mother and father talking in the kitchen. I get out of bed and put my ear on the heater vent. “Mom, what do you need from the Acme for dinner tonight?”

Yes, my dad calls my mother, Mom. I didn’t think it was weird when I was young until I visited my friend’s houses and found out my friend’s fathers don’t call their wives, mom. But I guess every family is somewhat different from every other one.

Boy, I could tell some stories about what goes on in their houses. For instance, at my best friend’s house, her father talks to Joanie and me from the bathroom while he is sitting on the toilet. I’m not kidding. If I ever to talk to my father in the bathroom, he would murder me for sure. I never told my mother about that, or she wouldn’t let me go over there anymore. It’s practically my second home. One day Joanie’s father said, “Don’t you have a home of your own Susie?” I just laughed and asked if I could have another donut. Joanie’s dad works in the meat department at the Acme and brings home lots of goodies. He is kind of grouchy like my father, but I’m used to that.

And then there is my friend Darlene; boy, is she lucky. Darlene’s family keep all the snacks in the oven. Her mother only cooks on the stove top. And her dining room table is covered in piles of unopened mail. It always looks the same. So, I’m not sure where they eat their meals. Her mother and father were born in Poland. Anyway, they have every kind of cookie you can imagine: even Oreo Cookies, my absolute favorite. I twist the cookies apart, eat all the delicious icing, and then dip them into ice-cold milk. Once a week, Darlene’s mother gives Darlene money to buy fresh bread at the Maple Shade Bakery downtown. And we eat half of it on the walk home. Her mother never says a word about it. And best of all, Darlene’s Dad gets a big can of Charlie Chips delivered to their house once a month, along with lots of beer. And they are so good (the chips not the beer) you wouldn’t believe it. They melt in your mouth, crisp and salty.

Darlene’s mother is a tailor at the coat factory in Maple Shade. She makes all of Darlene’s clothes. Darlene’s closet is almost as big as my bedroom, and she has a queen size bed with a fluffy comforter on it. We sit on her bed and tell each other our secrets and read comic books.

Summer is my favorite time of the year. I’m free to go wherever I want as long as I come home on time for lunch and dinner. My parents don’t ask what I have been doing. And after I got my own bike, I was able to go much further, including the Strawbridge Lake in Moorestown with my best friend, Joanie. We watch the ducks swimming around the lake and walk across the dam and watch people fishing. In the winter, we go ice skating on Strawbridge Lake and drink hot chocolate that we bring with us in thermoses. Strawbridge Lake is my favorite place on earth. I always look at the big houses that are across the street and wished we lived there. But I know I would miss my friends too much. And I’m happy where I live now in Maple Shade.

During the hot summer months, all the kids in the neighborhood go swimming in my next-door neighbor Jackie’s above ground swimming pool. Just last week, I, Joan, Elaine, Darlene, and a couple of other kids from down the street went swimming. We had such fun. Unfortunately, Jackie’s mother forgot to put chlorine in the pool this year, and we all got impetigo. This is some kind of skin infection on your skin and is very itchy, and you get scabs everywhere. We all had to go to the doctors for antibiotics. My mother said, “Susie, that’s the end of going swimming at their pool.” I cried and whined, but that was the end of swimming in their pool.

On Saturdays, there is a matinee at the Roxy Movie Theater on Main Street. All the kids in town go. It costs a quarter. My mother makes me Lebanon Bologna sandwiches with cheese on white bread to eat while I’m watching the movie. There’s a stage in front of the movie screen.   Before the movie, a woman plays the organ that is on the left side of the stage. And sometimes they give away collector dishes to kids whose ticket stubs are picked. So far, I haven’t won, but I know I will. And I ‘ll give the plate to my mother. When the movie is about to start, they pull back the velvet curtains to reveal the movie screen. Then turn off all the lights in the theater, and loud music is played. All the kids start clapping and stamping their feet. It’s exciting.

Last week we saw Village of the Damned. It was the scariest movie I ever saw. It was about these psychic children that were all born at the same time in one small town under mysterious conditions, and they were a threat to their town. They were all blond and had blue eyes and were very smart. When my friends and I were leaving the movie theater, all the kids started pointing at me because I have blond hair and blue eyes like evil children.

Sometimes my friends and I catch the bus in front of the police station, and we go to the Riverside Roller Rink. My friends and I go roller skating for fifty cents for the whole day. It’s great fun. First, we have to rent our roller skates if we don’t have any of our own. Sometimes they don’t fit too well, so I always bring an extra pair of socks. Otherwise, you end up with blisters on your feet. I try not to think about all the people that wore these skates before me. Of course, I spend most of my time getting up after falling and crashing into the wall. I’m usually bruised from head to toe by the end of the day. But I love it. By the time my bruises heal up, it’s time to go again.

But by far, my favorite thing to do in the summer is walking down to the library. It’s attached to the Maple Shade police station. I love to read. I spend hours in there looking at all the books, and I take out as many books as I’m allowed. I even have my own library card. It’s a blue card, and it has a little metal plate on it with the MA236 embossed on it. In two weeks, I go back to the library with all the books that I read and get six more. The librarians all know my name since I go there all the time and say, “well, if it isn’t Miss Carberry again. How are you today?” I give them a big smile, and I’m off to find some more treasures to read. Heaven.

The Kitchen

Our day begins in the kitchen. We wake up to the aroma of coffee percolating on the kitchen counter and bacon and eggs frying on the stove. I’m not big on eating first thing in the morning. But my mother insists that we eat a breakfast that will stick to our ribs for the rest of the day.

My mother in pin curls sitting in our kitchen

As I walk into the bright yellow and orange room, I see my mother hunched over the wide kitchen counter. My father recently redecorated. My father’s a creative man with an unusual sense of color and design. He is, unfortunately wildly attracted to psychedelic patterns. He made the kitchen counters really wide. He made the counter in front of the sink wide as well. My mother has difficulty reaching the sink since it’s set back so far from the edge of the counter.

My father purchased a kit to decorate the kitchen counters with small bits of multi-colored tiles. After he spread the tile bits, he poured some type of liquid resin over it. It took a long time to dry and had a somewhat lumpy result. Unfortunately, the dirt tends to accumulate in the lower recesses of our bumpy countertop.

Hanging from the ceiling over the kitchen table, my father fashioned a candelabra of sorts. He found a giant wagon wheel in the dumpster of a Steak house Restaurant and brought it home to serve as a light fixture in our kitchen. Of course, our kitchen is much smaller than the Steak House dining room, and our kitchen ceiling is much lower than the dining room in the Steak House, where it formerly resided. The wagon wheel hangs right above our heads at the table. If you aren’t paying attention when you stand up, you take a chance that you might knock yourself out when you stand. We have to back our chairs up and then stand to avoid getting a new bump on our noggins each time we sit or stand at the table for a meal. Mealtime is no longer a quiet time to reflect on the day. It’s time to pay attention to the surroundings, or you can end up in the Emergency Room.

I look across the kitchen and see my mother is hunched over the stove, frying the eggs and bacon. “Hi, Mom.”

“Good morning Susie, what can I get you for breakfast.”

“I’m not hungry Mom, how about a piece of toast.”

A couple of minutes later, my mother brings me a bowl of hot oatmeal. “Here, Susie, this will stick to your ribs. Eat up,”

I look down at the bowl of steaming oatmeal, and I begin to feel sick to my stomach. I hate hot cereal. I have told my mother this time and again. But she always says the same thing to me. “Nonsense, eat up.”

I’m repeatedly told I’m a picky eater. Which is probably true. But none the less I detest hot cereal.

Unfortunately for me, I have to ride an ancient school bus to Haddonfield, where I go to high school at St. Mary of The Angel’s Academy. It is my Freshman Year. The bus is on its last legs, and the shocks on the wheels died a slow and painful death a long time ago. It’s a long and rocky ride to school. We have to pick up all the students that go to St. Mary’s and the boys from Bishop Eustace Prep. So, we have to ride all over Burlington and Camden County and Haddon Township. It takes over an hour.

By the time we arrive at school, I’m feeling sick to my stomach. And start the day off by throwing up the moment I step down out of the bus. Mr. Hartman, a lovely man who came from Ireland, is the bus driver, gives me the same sympathetic look every day as I pass by him in the driver’s seat. He knows what’s going to happen momentarily. None of the other students on the bus ever mention my daily purge.

When I was going to grade school at Our Lady of Perpetual Help, I came home for lunch as we lived two houses away from the school. Every day when the lunch bell rings, I rush up to the front of the classroom to line up to go home to eat. Not because I was looking forward to my lunch, it was always the same. I hated school with a passion and can barely tolerate one extra moment in the presence of the dear Sisters.

One day as I stood at the front of the classroom, I realize I have to pee immediately. I raise my hand.  Sister ignores me. I begin waving my hand and arm urgently. Finally, Sister said impatiently, “What is it, Susan?”

“Sister, I have to go to the girl’s room right now.”

“Susan, you have to learn patience and self-control. You can and will wait until you get home.”

I wave again more frantically. Sister ignores me. I realize I’m peeing my pants. All the other kids notice it at the same time and start laughing. I begin to cry.

Sister says, “you will wait until the second bell, Miss Carberry.”

I’m simultaneously crying and peeing. I vow to myself that I will never return to this wretched place again. The second bell rings. The kids in line are permitted to go home for lunch. I keep my head down.

I emerge from the school, I take off like a rocket and get home in record-breaking time. I yank open the screen and the front door and allow them both to slam closed. I rush to the bathroom. I hear my father yelling at me from the kitchen. “What’s the matter, Susie, pants on fire?”

After taking care of the wet pants, I walk out to the kitchen nonchalantly. My mother says, “How was your morning, Susie? Did you learn anything new?”

“Yes, Mom, I learned that I shouldn’t take a long drink at the water fountain before lunch.”

“Did Sister tell you that Susie?”

“Not exactly Mom, she told me that I needed to learn patience and self-control. And I learned that I really hate Sister Daniel Catherine.”

“Susan, you should never say you hate anyone, especially one of the Sisters, that’s a mortal sin.”

“OK, Mom, I won’t say I hate one of the Sister’s ever again. I promise.” And I never did say I hated one of the sisters out loud ever again. But I said it many, many times inside my head.

“Susan, sit down I made your Lipton Noodle Soup and Lebanon Bologna sandwich it’s all ready.”

“Thanks, Mom. I’m starved.” Lunch was never a surprise since I had the same lunch every day for eight years, through elementary school years. Although on special occasions I had Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup.

As I eat my lunch, my father sits across from me, eating his six hot dogs. He doesn’t eat hot dog rolls, only the hot dogs with relish. They are cut up in little slices. My father doesn’t like it if anyone talks while he is eating. So, I sit quietly until he finishes eating. And then I bend his ear and tell him everything that happened in school that day. This is actually his dinner since he works the second shift at PTC, which is the Philadelphia Bus Company. He is the Head Dispatcher at the bus depot for the entire city of Philadelphia. When my father has to work the third shift, he sleeps all day, and we aren’t allowed to make any noise and wake him up. My father is deaf in one ear, and we always pray that he is sleeping on his one good ear.

My mother rarely sits down at mealtimes. She’s always getting dinner ready or serving dinner or cleaning up after. Sometimes my mother has her hair set in bobby pins all day unless she is going to go to Mass with the Altar Rosary Society. They are a group of women who say the Rosary together early every morning, and they wash and iron the Altar vestments and clean the Sanctuary in the church.

Right after lunch, my mother starts getting ready to cook dinner. My favorite meal is Irish Stew which is made with beef and carrots, onions and celery and potatoes. After my mom cooks the stew for many hours, she rolls out the dough and puts in on the top of the casserole. And puts it in the oven to bake the dough and let it rise and brown. It’s delicious.

While dinner is cooking, my mother irons. The ironing board is in a little closet on the wall next to the refrigerator. You open the closet door and pull down the ironing board. My mother irons clothes, sheets, and my father’s underwear and his socks. She irons all our clothes. Then cleans the whole house. I have never heard her complain about anything.

Everyone tells me,” your mother’s a saint,” and I believe them. She works so hard and takes care of everyone in our family. And always has a kind word to say. I never heard her say a mean thing in my entire life. I wish I could say the same about myself, but I get mad all the time, at my sisters, my father and the dear sisters, every one of them. I doubt that I will ever be as good a person as my mother.

It’s one of the things I have to tell Father Nolan in confession all the time. He tells me to say three Our Fathers and three Hail Marys. No matter what sins I commit, he gives me the same penance, three Our Fathers and three Hail Marys.

My mother is a quiet person. But a good listener. Every day when my sisters and I come home, she asks us how our day went. And she sits and listens until you finish talking and then she offers you cookies and milk.

After dinner, my mother sits at the kitchen table while we do homework. She quizzes me on my spelling words. She gives me hints if I don’t know how to spell the word. If my father is home, he helps me do my math homework. He works out the problems differently than I do in school, but he always gets the answer right. I keep telling him that’s not the way we do it in school. We do New Math. He tells me that we are doing it incorrectly. He shows me how to do it. He is always right.

But in school, I do it their way. My father is a smart man. He reads a lot on every kind of subject. Right now, he is studying all the world’s religions. He doesn’t go to church as my mother does. But he is curious about the world and the people in it. You ask him any question, he knows the answer. My father’s memory is phenomenal. He remembers everything he reads and hears.

On Sundays, one of my father’s days off, he watches golf on TV. It’s the most annoying thing you can imagine. He is transfixed while he is watching it. Sometimes he feels compelled to tell you about the golf game swing by swing. Although I’m impressed by his ability to remember, I want to plug up ears every time he starts talking about golf. It is unbelievably tedious.

My father watching the news 1960s

Television is an amazing thing, no doubt. But in our house, my father controls what we watch. He is the King of his castle. On his days off, he watches the 6 O’clock news with Walter Cronkite. We aren’t allowed to utter a sound when it’s on. If we want to watch TV, we watch what he watches, end of story. I have become quite fond of Cowboy stories like Matt Dillon and The Lone Ranger. My father and I watch it together. My father pets our dog Andy, the whole time he is watching TV.

My mom brings my father a bowl of ice cream to eat while he is watching TV in the evening. He doesn’t tell her or ask her. She brings it in and, he eats it with salty pretzels. My mother brings herself a bowl too. She is extremely fond of ice cream. She is the proud owner of a sweet tooth that I inherited.

At the end of the night, my dad lets Andy our dog go to the bathroom and waits for him to come back inside. My mother gathers all the coffee cups, ice cream bowls, and glasses and takes them in the kitchen to wash. My dad turns out the lights, and we all go to bed. The next morning, we wake up and start all over again. Good Night.

Christmas Gifts

It’s the night before Christmas and all through the night, not a creature is stirring not even a mouse. Well, that’s not entirely true because I’m wide awake. My imagination is going wild, thinking of all the exciting surprises that might happen on Christmas morning. I know I’ll never fall asleep.

I’ve been counting the days down until Christmas for over three months. I asked Santa for art supplies. I love to draw, and I really want a Barbie doll. My best friends have one and I want one too. I imagine combing her long hair and making clothes for her. I have tried so hard to be good this year so that my dream will come true.

I keep jumping out of my bed and staring out my bedroom window, trying to catch a glimpse of Santa and his reindeer. Can you imagine being able to see him? I would so love to have a ride in his sleigh and meet all the reindeer and fly through the sky all through this snowy and magical night.

My parents promised me that Santa would bring me whatever my heart desires. I believe them.

Glass fireplace

My father spent most of his free time in the past couple of weeks decorating our house for Christmas. In our living room, we have a glass fireplace that my father made many years ago. It’s made from glass blocks instead of bricks. My dad puts colored lights inside the glass blocks at Christmas time. It’s beautiful.

My dad loves to create beautiful and unusual things. He made our Christmas tree this year out of umbrella frames that he attached to one another. And then he hung up strands of golden, glass beads all around it. He places it carefully in front of the mirror that is at the bottom of the glass fireplace. At night we turn out all the lights in the living room. My dad turns on the Christmas lights on the umbrella tree and inside the fireplace.  The lights and colors twinkle on and off. It is so neat. I know that no one else will have a tree-like ours.

We have a wreath on the front door made from huge, plastic poinsettias. And there’s a fat Santa that resides on the front stoop. Christmas lights decorate the rose arbor that my father-built years ago on our front porch. In the Spring and the Summer, it is covered with the most beautiful red roses you can imagine. And the aroma of the roses and the lilac bush as you walk up onto our front step is unforgettable. My father loves roses, and he planted a rose garden in our backyard with all the colors of the rainbow. I love to sit back there and watch the bees travel from one bloom to the next.

Our kitchen table has a little water fountain on it that my father fashioned out of hubcaps and metal ashtrays. My dad puts different colors of food dye into the water every few days. Right now, the water is red for Christmas. I love to watch the fountain while I eat my breakfast of fried eggs and toast.

My mother started baking Christmas cookies a couple of weeks ago. I love to help my mother make the cookies, but I usually eat too much of the raw dough and get a stomach ache. She mixes all the dough in a huge metal mixing bowl, and then she puts the dough in this thing called a Cookie Gun. And on the front end of the gun, you can put different shaped cookie cutters, and each cookie comes out in a different shape, like snowflakes and stars and snowmen. After the cookies are baked, my mom and I decorate them with red and green icing and different colored sprinkles. They’re delicious, and I look forward to eating them. My mother places all the cookies in a huge tin can with wax paper between the layers. And she hides them in the basement. But I always find the cookie tin way before Christmas and eat a bunch.  My mother never yells about eating them. My mother hardly ever yells, no matter what we do.

As I’m putting on my Christmas outfit, I hear my mom calling, “it’s time for you to get up. The bells for the nine o’clock Mass are going to start ringing.”

Before we open our presents on Christmas morning, I have to go to the children’s Mass at the 9” o’clock mass.  The service is really long on Christmas. Father Nolan tells us the story from the bible about the birth of baby Jesus and Mary and Joseph.

“I’ll be right down, Mom,” I scream from my bedroom upstairs. As I jump down the steps two at a time. I rush through the swinging door that’s between the living room and the hallway. I let the door slam shut. My father shouts, “don’t slam the door.”

“Susie, will you stop making so much noise? It’s enough to wake up the dead. My mother adds.”

My new coat.

“Sorry, Mom. I yell at the top of my voice.” I pull the hall closet door as hard as I can because it sticks. I grab my coat, which was an early Christmas gift. It’s white and has fake fur, and there are snowflakes all over it. I absolutely love it. I pull up the hood, and I’m off to the nine o’clock Mass.”

I run up to the Church, slipping and sliding the whole way. There’s a good three feet of snow on the grass. The sidewalk was shoveled yesterday by everyone who lives on Fellowship Road a couple of days ago. But there’s a thin layer of ice on the entire sidewalk all the way up to the church. Our Lady of Perpetual Help Catholic Church is only two houses away from where I live. I arrive just in time to get in line to go to the children’s Mass on time. The church bells are ringing and playing The First Noel.

There is one thing that I love about living next to the church is that I can hear the church bells ringing all the time. The bells ring before each Mass and on Holy Days, and Saturdays. When people get married or there’s a funeral and when a baby is baptized. I love hearing those bells. It’s a joyful sound.

Sister Joseph Catherine grabs ahold of me as I run up the steps. “Hold on, Susan Carberry, remember what I told you,” I don’t want you to sing out loud, mouth the words. You have a terrible voice.”

“Yes, Sister,” I say. As I turn around, I stick out my tongue.” I suppose I’ll go to hell for that.

At this moment, I decided that I despise Sister Joseph Catherine. She is the bane of my existence. She was my fourth-grade teacher. And she made me hate every day of fourth grade. She made me follow her around wherever she went and carry her stuff. Reminding me every day how stupid she thought I was. I decide that I will sing as loud as I can during Mass, I love singing Christmas hymns.

All during Mass, I keep praying for a Barbie doll and art supplies. After we take Communion my stomach starts growling loudly. My friend, Helen Hartman, starts laughing and then I laugh too. Sister Joseph Catherine comes over to our pew, and scowling at us clicks the clicker in our hand. And gives me the evil eye.

I start thinking about Christmas breakfast. My mother will be cooking a special Christmas breakfast. She will make scrambled eggs and scrapple. And my father makes the toast and butters it. Or maybe biscuits. Oh, how I love my mother’s homemade biscuits. My stomach starts growling even louder. This starts the whole pew of my friends laughing. Sister Joseph Catherine looks like she wants to wring my neck. I will have to make a quick getaway after Mass is over. And I won’t see her until after the New Year, so maybe she’ll forget about it by then. I’ll have to pray about that before the end of Mass. I start saying some extra Hail Mary’s and Our Fathers.

After Father Nolan and the altar boys slowly march out of the church, Sister Joseph Catherine signals us with her clicker to start filing out of the pews. As I walk by her, she makes a grab for my collar, but I manage to get away. And before she catches up to me, I run out the double doors and nearly break my neck, jumping down the steps two at a time, forgetting that they are covered in ice. But it’s my lucky day, and I get up relatively unscathed and slip and slide my way to my front door. I fling open the door and knock my boots off. And slam the door behind me.

“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Susan, why do you always have to slam the door and make such a racket?”

“Sorry, Mom, I’m starving. When will breakfast be ready?”

“Go wash your hands, Susan, and then you can have breakfast.”

I don’t know what my mother thinks I was doing in church to get my hands dirty. But I go in the bathroom and run the water. And sit down at the table. “Hi, Daddy, Merry Christmas.”

“How was Mass Susie?”

“Oh, the same Dad, nothing new. I’m starved.”

“Yes, we heard you, Susan. Here it comes.”

Family Chrismas Morning 1962

After we eat breakfast, my married older sisters and brother will come over with their little kids. And we’ll open up the presents and have cake and Christmas cookies. I really love all my nieces and nephews. They are so much fun. They’re so excited and happy about Christmas, and they make me feel excited and happy too. I always take them over my friend’s house to show them off.

My daddy puts some Christmas music on the stereo. I sit on the floor and watch all my little nieces and nephews open their gifts. They are all laughing and throwing Christmas wrapping paper all over the living room. My mother is busy starting to get dinner ready. Even though we just ate breakfast. My mom never stops cleaning and cooking. She hardly ever sits down except to say the rosary in the morning.

It was a great Christmas. I didn’t get a Barbie Doll, I got a Miss Joan doll. But that’s alright. She came with an extra dress and high heels. And my best friend’s name is Joanie. So, I love her anyway. I also got an art set that has pictures that you can color with paint that has sparkles in it. It’s going to be such fun to paint.

When my sisters and brother and all their kids leave, I run down the street to visit my best friend, Joan’s house. And I see all her gifts and her beautiful Christmas tree. And best of all I get to have a whole lot of Italian Christmas cookies and they’re delicious. It’s been a great day. And I start looking forward to next Christmas.

LET A SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA

Harry wakes up feeling weary even though he overslept. He feels as if something is amiss. He swings his legs over the side of the bed and takes a deep breath. It smells like a wet dog in the room. Then he remembers that last night his dog, Andy escaped the backyard enclosure.

Andy made his way to a lake and took a little midnight swim. When Andy returns home, Harry is waiting up for him at the worn Formica kitchen table. He smoked one cigarette after another and drank stale coffee while staring out the kitchen window. About twelve-thirty in the morning, he sees Andy making his way up Fellowship Road. He seems in no great hurry.

Father

Harry Carberry, my dad circa 1960

Harry opens the front door and is about to give Andy the dressing down of his life when Andy suddenly pushes past Harry and runs excitedly through the house and into the front bedroom. He jumps on the bed and shakes himself off, spraying stinking lake water all over the floor and onto Marie’s bed for good measure.

Marie wakes up and says, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, what is going on? Oh, I should have known. It’s that damn dog. Why didn’t you put him in the cellar until he dried off? I swear to god you love that dog more than you love your own kids. For the love of Mike, will you put him in the basement so we can all get some sleep?”

Harry grabs Andy’s collar and drags him down to the basement. Then he puts some water in his bowl and says, “Andy, you can wait until the morning for something to eat. I’m tired of your shenanigans. I’m going back to bed.”

Marie is probably praying for his heathen soul this morning as she did every morning. The house is empty because the kids are off to school. Their cereal bowls are drying on the rack. Marie left half of a grapefruit in the refrigerator for his breakfast. She cut all the sections for him and sprinkled sugar on the top. Two pieces of white bread waited patiently to be toasted.

Harry knows he’s lucky to have married Marie. She’s a loving and faithful wife and a wonderful mother. But somehow the words “I love you never make it past his lips except for the day they exchanged their vows in August 1929. He reasons that she must know he loved her because here he’s still by her side after all these years.

Harry hurriedly gulps down his cup of Joe and eats the grapefruit and toast. It’s his day off. He had his day planned. First, he’ll go hit his regular stops in the dumpsters behind all the local stores. There was Woolworth’s, Three Guys, the Acme and the 5&10. He always got a little excited. you never know what treasures are waiting to be found.
Then he’ll stop at the Chinaman’s fruit and vegetable store and see if he can get some good deals. While he was at the Mart, he’ll stop at the Penny Auction and see if he can find any treasures. He’s always amazed at what people throw away. Harry thought if anything is a sin, that sure as hell is.

Why last week he bought a whole box of the Reader’s Digest books for fifty cents. He would have enough books to read for a year. Marie said it was all trash. But he made use of everything he found and bought.

His widowed mother raised Harry, and she had taught him how to squeeze a penny until Lincoln yelled uncle, why he had built almost everything in this house from bits and pieces and scraps he had found for practically nothing.

Marie complained that they never bought anything new. But thanks to his dumpster diving, they had never gone hungry in the crash of 1929 like so many others had. They have never gone without food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs.

But the best part of the day is when he goes to the Garden State Race track and bet his $2.00 on his favorite horse. He had been studying the horses for the past week, and he knows this time, this time he will win big.

After breakfast, Harry opens the cellar door, and Andy’s waiting there patiently. Harry steps aside and lets him pass.” All right, Andy, my boy, all is forgiven. Come on, and I’ll give you some breakfast. I think today’s your lucky day because there’s some left-over chicken for you.”

Harry leaves Andy to his own devices and walks out to his 1956 Turquoise Rambler and checks the trunk to make sure he has his supplies for his treasure hunting. Yup, he had heavy gloves, a pole with a nail at the end. Just in case there was the odd rat or mouse occupying the dumpsters, and a stepladder and bags.

The hunt gets off to a good start behind Woolworth’s when Harry finds five beautiful white wedding gowns at the very top of the dumpster. He lifts them carefully out and places them in a plastic bag he keeps in his trunk. His daughter, Susie, will be thrilled when he gives her these. She just loves to sew, and she’ll prize these gowns as if they’re made of gold.

In the trash at Three Guys, he finds a set of four perfect beach chairs. His older daughters will enjoy taking them with them when they go down the shore for the weekends this summer. He can picture his beautiful daughters sitting on the beach at Wildwood, getting their Irish tan. He can’t wait to see their expressions.

As Harry makes his way toward the Pennsauken Mart, he starts reviewing the races that will be taking place after lunch at the Cherry Hill Race Track. There’s nothing that makes his heart beat faster than watching the horses take off at the starting gate and run full out around the track. Harry has a large circle of friends at the track and is known as “Smiley.” Because no one ever had a bigger smile, then he does when his horse comes in a winner.

Harry picks up some lettuce, tomatoes, potatoes, onions, and beets at the Chinaman’s vegetable store and then heads towards the auction.

There’s the usual group of people there, and he waves at the regulars. Then the first box is brought out. It’s a surprise box. So, the bidding starts low, a dime. The excitement of the crowd grows as the bidding reaches a dollar. Harry never spends more than two dollars. Sometimes there was only one thing in the box of any value. Sometimes nothing at all, but occasionally he’ll get a real winner, like that time he found a gold pocket watch. His son Hugh was thrilled when he received it at his high school graduation.

The auctioneer reaches Harry’s two-dollar limit, so Harry heads home for lunch. There would always be next week. Harry doesn’t let the occasional loss bother him. After all, when you gamble, you have to be able to afford to lose and accept that it’s all a part of the game.

As Harry pulls his Rambler into the driveway, he sees his wife Marie putting something in the garbage. He waves at her, and she flat out ignores Harry. She’s probably still mad about Andy’s midnight escapade.

Still, when he gets into the kitchen, there’s his lunch waiting for him. There are his Lebanon Bologna sandwich and a pot of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup cooking on the stove just like any other day. Marie comes into the kitchen just as the kids walk in the front door for lunch.

“Hi, Daddy.” The kids say together as if they practiced it on the way home. “Hi, Mom, lunch smells good. Umm, my favorite Chicken Noodle soup and Lebanon Bologna sandwiches, I’m starving.”

“Good morning Marie, or should I say good afternoon. I brought home some beautiful vegetables from the Chinaman’s today for you.”

“Harry, you know you shouldn’t say Chinaman. Here’s your soup.”

“Why the hell not? He’s a man from China, isn’t he?”

“Never mind, Harry eat your lunch. Will you help me hang the curtains this afternoon they should be dry by then?”

“Well, I can see later this afternoon. I ‘m going to the track for a couple of hours after lunch.”

Marie’s frowns. She decides to keep her mouth shut because she’s told Harry many times that gambling was an evil thing to do and a waste of good money. She sits down, and without looking up at Harry, she mumbles, “alright later this afternoon then.”
When Harry returns home from the track, he’s so excited he thinks his head might explode. He practically breaks the door he opens it with such force. “Marie, Marie, where are you?”

“I’m right here, Harry. I thought you would get home in time to help me hang the curtains before dinner.”

“Hang the curtains, hang the curtains. Marie, I just won a hundred dollars at the track. And I’m giving you $20.00, and you can buy new curtains for the whole house if you want. And with the rest of the money, we’re all going to go out for dinner for Sunday dinner. Now, what do you think about that?”

Well, it would be hard to judge who had the biggest smile on their faces that night at dinner. When the kids come to the table and sit down, they look from one to the other of their parents.

Finally, Eileen says, “Daddy, Mom, what’s going on?”

“Well, have I got a story to tell you, it’s all about a Mudder.”

GOOD MORNING STUDENTS,MY NAME IS SISTER JOHN MICHAEL

In she storms her full skirt, making a swishing noise as she moves. When she stops, the giant rosary that hangs from her waist swings back and forth, she’s dressed in black that flows down to the top of her black boots; a white wimple covered her forehead and chin. And she wears a white bib that spans her shoulders from one side to the other. 

If she has any hair, you can’t see it; a black veil covers her head. She appears six feet tall. My first thought is she’s the Wicked Witch of the West.

Today is my first day of school at Our Lady of Perpetual Help Elementary School. I’m seven years old.   The classroom is overflowing with kids. There’re more kids in the class there than desks. A bunch of other kids and I have to sit on the windowsill. I saw three first grades in line in the schoolyard.

There’s a low murmur as the students whisper to one another. Suddenly, Sister yells out, “that will be enough of that. No one is to speak unless they have permission to speak, or unless I ask you a direct question, is that understood?” None of us made a sound.

She screeches, what’s wrong with you? Answer.

We mumble, “Yes.”

She says, “when you reply, you are to say, yes, Sister, or no, Sister.” Now repeat after me, yes, Sister, no. Sister.”

And we did.  “Yes, sister, no sister.”

“If you have to go to the bathroom, you must raise your hand, and ask for permission, do you understand?”

“Yes, Sister.” We say as one.

She walks up to the blackboard and picks up a piece of chalk, and writes her name, Sister John Michael. None of us can read.   “My name is Sister John Michael. You may call me Sister. By the end of the school year, you all will be able to read and write your names. You will know how to do Arithmetic.”

“Good, now let us begin. I’ll start with the fist aisle. You will stand and state your name, now go.”  I ‘m not in an aisle, so I’m hoping I won’t have to stand up and say my name.

After everyone who has a desk says their names, Sister tells the students sitting on the windowsills to speak. When it’s my turn, I stand up, and with my head down, mumble my name, “Susan Carberry.”

“What? I can’t hear you, speak up, and put your head up.”

I put my head up, but I don’t look at her. I stare at the large round clock that’s on the column in front of her. I don’t know how to tell time, but I hope it will be time to leave soon.  I spit it out all at once, “my name is Susan Carberry.” Then I sit down so hard, I jar my whole body.

After everyone has introduced themselves, Sister picks up a long wooden stick that’s pointed at the end. We all hunker down in our seats. Wondering what she’ll do next. Is she going to hit us all one by one?

She points at green cards that line the top of the walls along the front of the room. “Boys and girls, this is the alphabet. I’m going to point at each letter and say the name, and you will all repeat it after me, do you understand?”  She puts her hands deep into the pockets hidden in her long skirt.“Yes, Sister.” We said in unison.

“Good, now we will say the alphabet over and over until we know it by heart. You will all have a chance to show your classmates that you recognize and say each letter out loud. Later we’ll begin writing the letters in a special copybook. And you will learn how to read words that are made by putting these letters together. You will learn how to read and write by the end of the year. You will have to work hard. But you will learn. Do you understand?”

We all sit and stare at her. No one answers. Her voiced booms out, “I said, do you understand?” I for one don’t know what she’s talking about. But I yell out as loudly as I can,” Yes, Sister.”

“Well, Miss Carberry, you’re learning already. Now, I want to hear the whole class. Do you understand what I said?”

All a sudden everyone yells as loud as they can, “Yes, sister.”

“Good, let us begin. I’ll point at each letter and say the name. You’ll all repeat what I said, out loud. Let’s begin.”

After we repeat every letter out loud, Sister announces,” we’ll practice this every day. Beginning next week each student will be called on and they will have to repeat each letter as I point at it. Everyone will have a chance. “Do you understand class?”

There was a moment of silence and then sister repeats, “Do you understand?”

We all yelled out,” Yes, sister.”

My stomach tightens up. I feel sick. I know I’ll never be able to learn all these letters and say them all out loud in front of the class. I want to run out the door and go home.

And then sister says, “Alright class, it’s time to use the girls and boy’s room before recess. Will aisle one and two come to the front of the room and stand at the door?” I look around at the rest of the class, and I wonder what’s a boy’s and girl’s room? Does everyone else know?

And then the first two rows go up to the front and sister says. “boys in front, girls in the back. Go out into the hall and wait until I come out there and direct you to the bathrooms. Be silent, do you understand?”

“Yes, sister.”

And they all walk silently out into the hall. Well, at least I now know we’re all going to the bathroom. I wait my turn hoping I don’t have to wait too long because my stomach is really hurting.  Finally, it’s the turn for the people sitting on the window sills to go to the bathroom. We march out to the hall.

Sister says. “No, talking.”

Suddenly I feel someone t.ake my hand I look to see who it is. It’s a girl with curly brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. She smiles at me and I smile back. My stomach starts to feel a little better. Sister yells, “go into the bathroom now. When you finish, form a line and wait until you are all done and then go back to the class and sit where you were sitting before.

My new friend and I hold hands until we get in the bathroom. We see four doors inside. We each open one of the doors and look inside. There is a toilet in there. We go in, and then we shut the door. It’s weird, but at least I have a moment alone when sister will not yell at me. When I’m done, I flush, the toilet and my friend is waiting at the door for me.

‘Hi, my name is Irene Simpson. What’s your name? “

“My name is Susie Carberry.” I, smiling shyly at her. We walk out hand in hand into the hall.  After all the kids are out, there we march back to the classroom and sit down again.

“Alright class, quiet, please we’ll begin practicing our letters. The first person in each row pass the copybooks to the person behind you. I would like a volunteer to come up to the front of the class to pass out the copybooks to the people who sit next to the windows. What no one wants to volunteer?” She looks up and down the aisle.

I feel her eyes resting on me. I turn my head slightly and put my head down. I’m thinking, please, please don’t call out my name.

“No volunteers? Alright then, Miss Carberry, come up here and get the books, please and pass them out.” I try to shrink down lower. “Miss Carberry, Susan Carberry, come up here this minute. I can see you.” I hop off the windowsill and walk up to the front of the class, and stick out my hands to take the books.

“Very good Miss Carberry, that wasn’t that bad was it?’ She hands the black and white books to me. I turn around and walk to the back of the class to the window and give each of the kids a book. And then I plop back on my window seat. I take a deep breath.

“Alright, let us. Begin I’m going to pass out pencils to each student and you must never lose it. This will be your pencil. And then, we will begin learning to write the letters.  Do you understand students?”

We all say, “yes, sister.” And sister hands out the pencils and shows us how we are to write the letter on the special lines of the copybook. It takes forever to fill up one page of letters.

I’m tired and want to go home. I feel like crying, but I hold it in. “Alright girls and boys, it’s almost time to go home for lunch. Please put your pencils and books on your desk or on the windowsill next to you. I ‘ll be calling each row and we will be walking outside. You will wait until you are dismissed and then you can go home for lunch. There’re people who will help you cross the streets if you need them. They are called safeties they have badges on over their uniforms. Do what they say. You have to come back to class at 12:30 and meet in the schoolyard and stay there until the bell rings then line up and you will come back here to class for the afternoon. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sister.”I have no intention of ever returning to this classroom. But later my mother told me I would have to go back there. My older sister tells me I will have to go to school for twelve years. But I know that can’t be true. So I stick my tongue out at her.

THE FIRST DAY OF FIRST GRADE

It was September of 1957 when my sister Karen and I entered first grade at Our Lady of Perpetual Help School in Maple Shade, NJ.

“Karen, Susan, Karen, Susan get up it’s time to get ready for school.” My mother yells from the bottom of the steps. We moan and reluctantly throw the covers off. And slowly we get out of bed.

School Yard – Pixabay

My mother had put our school uniforms out for us. They look exactly alike, a maroon jumper with a white blouse that had what my mother called a Peter Pan Collar, black and white saddle shoes, and white socks. And worst of all, a hat called a beanie that was also maroon. I put on the blouse and the jumper, and it is so itchy I can’t believe it. I don’t think I’ll be able to wear it all day. I start scratching. I put on my new shoes. They look kind of neat but feel heavy. Since I haven’t worn shoes all summer.

As soon as I start walking around, my feet start hurting. I take them off and put my old sneakers on instead.

Karen looks over at me and says, “What are you doing? You have to wear  school shoes.”

I stick my tongue out at her. She says I’m telling Mom.

“Shut up.”

“No, you shut up, I’m telling Mom.”

We walk down the steps to the kitchen. Karen’s shoes are making a lot of noise as she clumps down the stairs. I’m wearing my sneakers, so I’m not making any noise. I hear my mother yell.

“Pick up your feet.”

I start laughing at Karen. She rushes down the rest of the steps and runs in the kitchen.” Mom, Susie isn’t wearing her new shoes, she’s wearing her old sneakers.”

My mother says, “Don’t tattle Karen; that’s not nice.”

Karen is mad now, “but Mom, she’s not wearing her school shoes.”

“Alright Karen, sit down and eat your cereal, I’ll talk to your sister.”

I am hiding at the bottom of the stairwell, so I know my mother is coming to talk to me. There’s nowhere for me to hide, so I just stand there and wait for my mom.

“Susie, please go back upstairs and change your shoes. We already talked about this the other day you have to wear shoes and a uniform. It’s a rule.”

I look at my mother, and I want to cry, but instead, I say, “I hate school, I don’t want to go.”

“No, you don’t Susie, you don’t even know what it’s like. You’ll make new friends, and learn all kinds of new things. Now, please go upstairs and put on your new shoes. And while you’re at it, get your beanie. And after breakfast, I’ll fix your hair and help you brush your teeth.”

Now I stomp up the steps, muttering under my breath, “I hate school, I hate school.” I hear Karen laughing in the kitchen.

When I come down, I hear my mom talking to Karen in the bathroom while she is brushing Karen’s curly, dark hair. I start shoveling my cheerios in as fast as I can. I feel like I’m going to start crying. Karen and my mother come back into the kitchen. I feel a tear and then another run down my cheeks.

“Look, Mom, Susie’s crying, she’s such a baby.”

I look at Karen, and I’m so mad at her that I stop crying and stare at her hard. I stick my tongue out at her.

She yells, “Mom, Susie is sticking out her tongue at me again.”

“Alright Karen, that’s enough, go get your school bag, and wait for Susie on the front porch she’ll be outside in a minute.”

“Come on Susie, I’ll fix your hair, and you can brush your teeth.”

I follow my mother down the hall passed the Blessed Mother grotto towards the bathroom. I start feeling sick to my stomach. “Mommy, I don’t feel good, I feel sick.

“You’ll be alright, Susie, you’re just nervous. Let me brush your hair and then brush your teeth. Don’t forget to put on your beanie, or you’ll get into trouble.”

I look in the mirror, I see my tear-streaked face, it is all red from me rubbing it. I had washed my hair last night, but I didn’t comb or brush it so it is full of knots.

“Susie, your hair is a rat’s nest. Didn’t you comb it last night after your bath?’

“No, I guess I forgot.”

Then my mother starts pulling the brush and then the big comb through my hair. It hurts. I look in the mirror. I have blond hair, but my sisters always tell me it’s “Dirty blond.” I hate when they say that cause I wash my hair every week.

“OK, Susie, here’s your brush, put some baking soda on it and start brushing, brush all your teeth not just the front ones.”

“OK, Mom, I will.” And I try to brush all my teeth, but my arm starts to feel tired so that I may have missed a few of the back teeth.

“Alright, let me see your teeth, Susie, open up.”

I open my mouth wide. She looks in. “Looks like you missed the ones in the back, here’s your brush. Do it again, and then rinse out your mouth.”

I do it again, I hate baking soda it tastes like poison. I brush the back teeth, rinse and spit.

“Put your beanie on Susie.”

I put it on the top of my head, it’s sticking up weird in the back, because of my ponytail. I make a face. My mom looks at my face in the mirror. “Here Susie, I’ll put a couple of bobby pins on the beanie to keep it on. Don’t lose them.”

She sticks the bobby pins into my hair, and I flinch. Now, my feet and my head hurt. I want to cry again, but I don’t.

My mother leans down and gives me a little hug. It makes me want to cry again, but I hold the tears back. “Bye, Mom, I’ll see you later.”

“Oh, Susie I forgot to tell you. You can come home for lunch. Sister will tell you when it’s time. I’ll see you at lunchtime.”

For a minute, I feel a little better. Then I run out of the front door, and I see Karen has already left. Now I have to go by myself. Karen’s a pain, but I always feel a little better when I can go with her somewhere I’ve never been to before. My stomach starts to hurt in earnest. And I get the weird scratchy feeling in my throat right before I start crying.

I cry all the way to the schoolyard — the school bell ringing. There are hundreds if not thousands of kids in the schoolyard. I don’t know where to go. Then I realize that I forgot my school bag — the crying increases. I run into the schoolyard. There is a sea of unfamiliar faces. I can’t find Karen. All the girls look alike in their uniforms.

I see a “nun” coming toward me. I want to run away. She looks like a giant. She has a really long black dress on and around her waist is a giant rosary swaying back and forth. As she comes toward me, I see she has a giant bib on her neck that comes down to her chest. And a stiff white piece of fabric is across her forehead and chin. There is a black veil on her head hanging down her back.

I ‘m terrified. “You’re late, don’t let that happen again. What is your name, and what grade are you in?”

I looked down at the ground. For a moment, I can’t remember my name or what grade I’m in.

“Look at me and speak up.”

I look up momentarily and mumble, “Susan Carberry, first grade.”

“Alright, Miss Carberry, follow me.”

The “Nun” takes me across the schoolyard and over to the line with the smallest kids. I see my sister, Karen. And I have never been so happy to see her in my life, as I did at that moment. She looks over at me, and she gives me a little smile. And then the second bell rings and all the kids start marching toward the school. The first day of school begins.

The Bells of St. Mary’- Highschool Graduation

I wake up, and my first thought is today is my last day of high school. I have this fear that someone will tell me that I’m not going to graduate and will have to start all over. I know it’s a ridiculous thought, but still, it could happen. I look at my hand and see my high school ring. It bears the name St. Mary of the Angel’s Academy and 1969. My high school yearbook is sitting on the floor next to my bed. So, it must be true. This is it. I’m graduating. 

Can you believe it’s 1969? Where did the time go? I can remember my younger self going to my first day of grammar school and being terrified. I guess that was about 1957. And here I am embarking on the world., I have babysat my nieces and nephews since I was about eleven. But this is my first real job and I’ll be getting a paycheck.

I was hired a dental assistant for Dr. Edward G. Wozniak in Oaklyn, in NJ.  I knew nothing about working in an office, let alone a dental office. Sister Eileen Marie the principal and Mother Superior of St. Mary’s, recommended me for the job. So, I took the bus over there from St. Mary’s one afternoon. It’s on Haddon Ave. in Oaklyn, NJ, not all that far from the school. St. Mary’s is on King’s Highway in Haddonfield, NJ. And about a half-hour bus ride from Maple Shade, where I live.

Dr. Wozniak’s wife, Connie Wozniak, interviewed me. I was so nervous I don’t really remember what I said. But she called Sister Eileen Marie back the next day and told her she wanted to hire me. I can’t imagine what I said to convince her. Anyway, I’m starting there next week and will work part-time at first and then eventually full-time.

I have only been to the dentist a couple of times myself when I have had toothaches and had to have my tooth pulled. So, my understanding of what I will be doing is very limited. I don’t suppose I’ll be pulling out people’s teeth.

Anyway, up until Sister Eileen Marie called me into the office to tell me about the job, I hadn’t really put any thought about what I would do after I graduated. I’m not kidding, I never thought about it at all. No one ever asked me what I wanted to do either. Not my parents, or my older sisters and brother, not my best friends. Nobody.

When I was a little kid, I thought I would like to be a veterinarian or an artist. I just love to draw and make things. And animals, well I prefer them over humans. But still, I had no clue how to go about doing either of those things, and no one ever talked about it with me. My mother always had the mindset that things would just work out somehow. And things did work out. At least I hope it will all work out. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Today I’ll be bringing my yearbook into school with me. So, my friends can sign it. And I can say good-bye to everyone. I guess this will be the last time I see them. Almost all of them are going off to college in September. I’ll be working at Dr. Wozniak’s.

It’s Saturday, June 7th, 1969. The day I graduate. I’m excited and terrified. Happy to be out of school, but terrified of being grown up. Because I don’t feel any differently than I did before graduation. 

I have been working at Dr. Wozniak’s dental office part-time for the past several weeks. And I think I’m going to like it. It turns out having a good memory is a good thing. And twelve years of memorizing prayers and commandments were all worthwhile.

I answer the phone and assist Dr. Wozniak at the dental chair. He also taught me how to develop x-rays. And I started learning how to send out bills. Apparently learning how to type was a good thing too. Also, I have to call all the patients the day before their appointments and confirm them.

I received my first paycheck and that was amazing even though it is not a lot of money. Apparently, the government gets a big chunk of each paycheck. I’m not entirely sure why. And no one has explained that one to me either. It’s my money, and I earned it. I’m going to start saving to buy a car.

Here I am sitting in the pew at Christ the King Church in Haddonfield. Everyone in the graduating class was given a dozen yellow roses. My favorite flower and m,y favorite color. So, I take that as a good sign. I’m waiting for my name to be called, holding my breath. And low and behold they, call my name. There are fifty-three students graduating, and I’m one of them.

So, I guess I’ve taken my first step into adulthood, out of school and getting paid for my first job. I have no clue what comes next. Do you?

 

Afterword: This year, my class of 1969 St. Mary of the Angel’s Academy marked 50 years since graduating. Can you believe it? Overall, it all worked out just as my mother promised..

Red, White And Blue, You Got It Made In The Shade

I awoke that morning with a great sense of anticipation. I could hear the soft whirring of the fan that was so large it blocked the view from the one window in the bedroom. I shared the room with my three sisters. My twin sister, Karen, was still sleeping in the bed next to me, she was a sound sleeper, and it took something like a bomb going off in the room to wake her up.

Photo by Big Bear Vacations on Pexels.com

My older sisters, Eileen and Betty, were out to the world too. I could smell the bacon my mother was frying, and the coffee brewing in the kitchen. We usually only had a big breakfast on Sunday mornings, but the Fourth of July was a big deal, and a cause for celebration in my town, Maple Shade.

It was 1960; I was nine years old that past May. I had been looking forward to the Fourth of July. My parents felt I was now old enough to ride around town on my bike and see the parade, with all the other big kids.

I quickly threw on the clothes that I had carefully chosen the night before. I put on my white Keds sneakers, red top, and navy-blue shorts. I jumped down the steps two at a time, and rushed into the kitchen and sat down.

My father looked up from his morning paper and said,” what’s the rush, Susieque?”

I stared at him. He had on his usual banlon shirt, with cigarettes in his pocket. It did have red and white horizontal stripes, but there wasn’t any blue in sight.” Hi, Daddy, it’s the Fourth of July, did you forget?”

My mother, who still had her hair set in bobby pins, looked over at me and said,” hold your horses, Susie, you have plenty of time for all that. I’m making breakfast. How about some scrambled eggs and ham, and toast?”

“Of course, I want scrambled eggs and ham Mom, you know it’s my favorite and lots of butter on my toast!” I licked my lips in anticipation.

My dad laughs and says, “Wow, she must be hungry today; she usually eats like a bird.”

Just then, my twin sister, Karen, steps into the room, and quips, “yeah, a vulture!”

I pouched up my face and told Karen, “shut up.”

My mother said, “Susie, you know better than to tell your sister to shut-up. You aren’t allowed to tell anyone to shut-up.”

“Sorry, Mom,” I said. But I wasn’t sorry at all. When my mother turned her back, I stuck my tongue out at Karen.

She immediately said,” Mom, Susie stuck her tongue out at me.” I mouthed at her, ‘Tattle tail.’

“Ok, that’s enough, or neither one of you will be going to parade.” My father said gruffly.  Karen and I knew better than to argue after that when my father got that tone in his voice, we knew he meant business and to be quiet.

My father went back to the paper, and toasting the bread, which was his job whenever my mother made a big breakfast for the family. My mom walks over to the steps and yells up to my sisters, “get up, it’s time for breakfast, Eileen and Betty.”

By the time they got up out of bed and came down for breakfast, Karen and I were already finished eating, and out the side door. Karen and I were twins, but we didn’t look alike, and we had different friends.

We got on our bikes and went in a different direction, without even a wave good-bye to each other. My mother calls out the kitchen door, “be back on time for lunch.”

I rode over to my best friend, Joanie’s house. It doesn’t take that long because she only lives three houses away. I got off my bike and put down the kickstand and immediately start yelling at the top of my voice. “Joan, Joanie get up, come outside it’s the Fourth of July.” No response, so I yelled again, Joan, Joan, get up!”

That was a mistake, because that’s when her father, Mr. Gioiella, came out, and he was only wearing his boxers. He yelled at me, “For the love of god, go home. Why are you always here at the crack of dawn, waking everyone up, go home, you practically live here.”

He looks like an angry hornet. “Sorry, Mr. Gioiella, I didn’t mean to yell so loud. I’ll wait for Joanie to come out.” Joanie likes to sleep in on mornings when she doesn’t have to go to school. In fact, sometimes she even slept until lunchtime. It wasn’t unknown for her to stay in bed all day and read. I liked to read too, but I read after dinner. I wouldn’t dream of sleeping away on a Saturday or a holiday.

Joanie finally comes out about a half-hour later. She’s wearing blue shorts with a shirt that looked like it was made out of an American Flag. I gawk at her, with my mouth open,” Joan, I think its disrespectful to wear the flag.”

Joan looks at me like I came from another planet and says, “everyone does it now, Susie, you’ve got to keep up with fashion.”

Fashion, I think. What the heck is she talking about? Just about everything I wore has been worn by one of my older sisters before me, including my school uniforms. I was lucky if I got a new Easter outfit. As it was, my father would buy my sister Karen, and I, boy’s shoes, because he thinks they last longer.

He was right, no matter how I tried to destroy those ugly shoes, they wouldn’t wear out. My current shoes look like bowling shoes and are a weird olive green. I always insist that Karen is lucky because her feet grew fast. Karen got new shoes twice as often as I did. She says she doesn’t feel lucky because her feet are getting so big!

Joan carries the streamers we had bought together at Ben Franklin’s 5 &10 Store the other day when we had walked down the pike. It’s Red, White, and Blue, of course. We had been planning on how we would decorate our bikes for weeks. We were going to ride in the 4th of July parade, with just about every other kid in town.

Joan’s bike is almost new. She got it for her birthday last August. My father had bought my bike used and then spent about a month, fixing it, and painting it. I thought it was beautiful, because he painted it in my favorite color, red.

We wove the streamers in and out of the spokes of the wheels, and cut short pieces and tied them together and put them on the end of our handlebars. I had also borrowed four of my fathers’ poker playing cards, which we attached with clothespins to the spokes on the wheels. When you rode, the cards made a fantastic snapping noise.”

Let’s go, Joanie. We have to get their early so that we can get a good place in line at the parade.” I thought it’s always better to be early than late. Joan is always late.

We ride down to the end of our street Fellowship Road. We make a left turn past the Rectory, at our school, Our Lady of Perpetual Help Elementary School. We’re heading towards the police station, which is attached to the library. That’s where all the kids are meeting up.

I can see that some of the older kids are there already and lining up. I see some of my friends riding toward us from the other end of town. Joan and I jump off our bikes and started walking towards them. Several kids yell, hello. And then Robin Schultz, this boy who makes my life miserable in school saw me, and yells, “look who’s here, it’s Susan Carburetor.”

God, I despise that kid. Every day he makes fun of me, calling me Susan Cranberry or Susan Carbuncle. I’d like to accidentally ride him over with my bike. My name is Susan Carberry. Is that so hard to say, you nitwit? Of course, I don’t say this out loud. He would probably smack me upside my head. He was a bully.

Joan says to me,” ignore him, Susie, he is a creep.” I probably should take her advice, but I was pretty sure one day soon, I was going to exact my revenge. I have been planning it for a long time, and he is going to get what was coming to him very soon, even if I had to stay after school and clap erases for the rest of my life as punishment for breaking one of the ten commandments.

I don’t think even Jesus would be that forgiving, and turn the other cheek if he had to deal with Robin Schultz every day of his life. For now, I’ll bide my time, and I settle on just sticking my tongue out at him.

Joan and I ride over to the kids we know and look at how they decorated their bikes. They were pretty cool, at the same time I was thinking of some new ideas for the next Fourth of July parade. I always look for new and creative ways of doing things.

Just then, Mr. Lombardi, my next-door neighbor, who’s a Maple Shade cop, blows his whistle and tells everyone to line up. They’re going to start the parade. It seems like most of the town was there, old people, babies with their coaches decorated. Most people were waving miniature flags.  They are all yelling hurrah, hurrah.

A lot of people had lined their folding chairs up along the Main Street days ago so they would get a good view of the parade. All the firemen from several towns are there with their newly washed fire trucks, and some old guys that must have been born about the same time as the dinosaurs were there with their old cars.  Beauty queens sat perched in the back seat of these old cars. They’re stuffed in their older sisters old prom gowns or bridesmaid dresses with stiff crinolines underneath. I was glad I didn’t have to wear anything like that, and I vowed to myself that no one would ever force me to wear such a monstrosity.

Then come the high school bands, girls in short skirts with batons twirling in the air, at the end of the parade were the veterans of foreign wars, who somehow managed to squeeze into their World War II, and some even from WWI uniforms.

All the kids are in turn excited, and bored because of the long wait. We all look

out into the crowd to see if our parents were there to see us. I see my older sisters on our corner waving, so I wave back and point at my patriotic red bike.

After the parade, Joan and I go down Main Street to the vegetable store. They have a snow cone cart out front. We treat ourselves to root beer ices. I love to watch them scoop out the ice; it looks like real snow. Then they pour your choice of flavor out of a tall bottle with a metal spout, be it vanilla, root beer, chocolate, or cherry. It tastes so great. After you eat all the root beer flavored ice, you tilt the paper cone and drink the unbelievably sweet juice at the bottom.

It’s so hot and humid outside, and we were in the shade. We took our time riding home and make plans to meet up after dark to see the fireworks.

After dinner, Joanie and I meet on the sidewalk in front of her house. We’re deciding what we would do. Then we hear Mr. Softee truck playing its familiar tune from the end of Fellowship Road.

We have each squirreled away some money in anticipation of its arrival, which signals the real beginning of summer for us. We decide to ride our bikes to the corner on Popular Avenue. There are ten kids standing in line ahead of us. As we wait, we decide what we were going to buy.

In my house, ice cream is a treat we only got on special occasions. I decided on a sugar cone with vanilla custard and dipped in chocolate. I loved the first bite into the hardened chocolate and the sweet first taste of vanilla custard.

Joan says, “are you crazy, sprinkles are the best.”

Everyone is excited, and there’s the buzz of their talking, and the longer we wait, we notice the buzz of hungry mosquitoes. For some reason, mosquitoes just loved me. And they’re landing a mass attack on my bare arms and legs, and even managed to bite my face a couple of times. Joan shares her mosquito wisdom with me, “ whatever you do, don’t scratch the bites, it just makes it worse.” I knew this, but could never stop myself from scratching myself raw.

“I hear putting peanut butter on the bites, makes it stop itching, Susie “

“Peanut butter, why would that work?

“I don’t know, but it does!”

At this point, I’d covered myself in peanut butter from head to toe if it kept the little bloodsuckers off of me.

Just then Mr. Softee pulls up, and I can almost taste the ice cream in my mouth, I keep thinking, I can’t wait, I can’t wait! After we got our ice cream cones, we see the mosquito truck coming towards us.

So, Joan and I decide to follow it around town, while we eat our cones, some of the other kids came along too. This is as much of a summer tradition for us as catching fireflies in mayonnaise jars. We ride our bikes behind the trucks as it sprayed a mist of bug spray. All the kids in Maple Shade did it. We thought it was great fun.

When we got back to Joan’s house, Joanie tells me she had a surprise for me. She runs in her house, and when she comes out, I see she has a box of sparklers in her hand. She had a box of matches in her hand. She lit the first one; just then, her older sister, Elaine, comes out.

” Oh boy, are you two going to get it when Daddy finds out you are using matches, I am going to tell.”

Elaine is a tattletale, every time Joan and I are having fun, she tells on us, and gets us into trouble. She’s a jerk, and bossy, just because she thinks we’re babies, she was two years older than Joan and in the seventh grade.

Just then, we start to hear the fireworks. We can see them high in the sky above Maple Shade. All the kids that live on the block are outside, and some of the adults. They’re oohing and ahhing every time the lights hit the sky.

“Wow, Joan, this has been the greatest day ever. I can tell we are going to have a great summer. How about going to Strawbridge Lake tomorrow, and having a picnic?” Just then, I hear my mother calling,” Susie, it’s time to come in now.” I yell back,” in a minute, Mom, see you tomorrow, Joan,” ride down the street to my house.