Tag Archives: bad luck

YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD

I‘m flat broke. And unfortunately, I was recently laid off from my job. It was not the first time this happened to me. But what can I say? I’m just unlucky. My former boss informed me last Friday that he was going to let me go. Because I was unreliable. I frequently called out sick, and also, when I did come to work, I was almost always late. And that when I did go to work that I was always late returning after lunch.

I tried to reinforce to him that I was not unreliable. I was unlucky. Didn’t he ever hear that bad things happen to good people? Apparently, he didn’t. He told me that this was his last warning if I came in late one more time or I called out altogether. I might as well quit because when I finally did come in, I was going to be fired. I reassured myself that this was not the first time he has said this to me. And I took this as just another warning and that there was no way in hell that he was going actually to fire me. After all, I have been a loyal employee for over ten years. And I was one of his best workers.

And then more bad luck headed my way. I was on my way out the door when I got a call that my younger brother needed a ride to school. We were only half-brothers as he had a different father. In fact, my mother has been married more times than I can count. And she has had six children, all of whom have a different father. I kid you not. Why in the world would anyone who obviously is really bad at commitment and marriage keep repeating the same mistake over and over again? I’m the oldest sibling, and I felt some responsibility for my younger siblings. After all, none of their fathers are around. So, off I went to pick up my brother and take him to school. He was in his senior year of high school. And I remember only too well how important that senior year of high school was to me.

Thirty minutes later, I arrived at my mom’s house. I expected my brother to be standing outside the front door waiting for me. But, no, he wasn’t outside waiting for me. I jumped out of my car and sprinted up to the front door. I turned the knob, and alas, the door was locked. I rang the doorbell several times. Nada. I banged as hard as I could on the door and the window next to it. I didn’t see anyone. And then I saw a piece of paper on the ground next to the front step. Apparently, it was stuck on the door but fell down. I picked it up. It read, “Charlie, my friend Olaf came and picked me up. Sorry for causing you any trouble. Talk to you later. And it was signed by your ever-loving brother, Nick.

I felt my blood pressure hit the ceiling. I was going to be late again. I would surely lose my job. My brother Nick was so unreliable. Why the hell didn’t he pick up the phone and call my cell and tell me he didn’t need me to take him to school? I was so mad I thought I might explode. God, why are so many people so unreliable? I will never understand it. I ran back to my car, and I was about to get behind the wheel when I noticed that my left rear time was flat. This was absolutely the last straw. I was surely going to get fired the moment I stepped through the front door of my office. I considered my situation and tried to think of some excuse my boss would except. And I couldn’t think of one single thing to tell him that I hadn’t said before.

I got out the spare tire and tools from my trunk and set about replacing the flat tire. It was getting hot outside, and I started sweating like a pig. I heard myself grunting too. I kept going. Finally, I finished putting on the spare tire and threw my tools into the trunk. Then I jumped into the front seat. I glanced in the rearview mirror, and I hardly recognized myself. I saw a red-faced, sweaty middle-aged man who looked like his better days were way, way behind him. I almost started crying. Can you imagine a full-grown middle-aged man crying in his beat-up fifteen-year-old car? And then I thought, I’ll tell my boss that I stopped to help a woman whose car broke down and that is why I was late and filthy. 

Yes, that is what I would do. I’m not a very good liar, but what the hell did I have to lose? I was going to get fired for sure, just for being late. So, off I went.

I tried to drive under the speed limit, but I kept looking at the dashboard to check the time, and the next thing I know, I had run a red light. And then I heard a police siren behind me, and the red light on the police car was flashing. I said out loud, “Oh, oh, looks like somebody is in trouble.” And, low and behold, someone was in trouble. And guess what? It was me. I was dead meat.

Or I would be by the end of the day for sure. I pulled over. And I saw a cop that looked like he was about seven foot tall headed my way. And he didn’t look happy or even mildly amused. He looked mad as hell. He looked like he was ready to pull his weapon and put me out of my misery. I almost felt like telling him, “Just kill me already. I can’t take anymore. Just shoot me and get it over already.”

And guess what? That is exactly what I said, “So, officer, just kill me already. I can’t take anymore. I’m going to be fired for being late for work once too many times. So, take out that big, old gun of yours and pull the trigger. You’ll be doing me a favor. I’m done. I can’t take anymore. Just do it. I’ll even close my eyes.” And that was the last thing I remember until I woke up two days later.

I opened my eyes, and I was in a room that I didn’t recognize. It was a sickly shade of green. And there was an IV attached to my left arm, and some bluish liquid was being pumped into my arm. I looked around, and there was another guy in the bed next to mine. And he was tied to his bed and in four-point restraints. I yelled, “What in the name of god is going on here? Let me out of this bed. I’m not hurt. Let me go.”

“Mr. Darnell, Charlie, calm down. Let me explain where you are and what has happened to you.”

“You were involved in an altercation of sorts with a policeman. Well, actually, it was a state trooper. You tried to take his gun away from him, which is not a good idea under any circumstances. Apparently, you were getting a ticket for unsafe driving and threatening the trooper to allow you to get on your way to work because you thought you were going to get fired for being late again. Do you remember this experience at all?” 

“No, I do not. You must be mistaken. I can not imagine any circumstances where I would handle a gun, let alone take a loaded weapon away from a state trooper. This is some unfortunate misunderstanding or mix-up. You have to let me go. I am going to be fired for sure if I’m late again.”

“ Sir, you have been here for over ten days. Your behavior was out of control. You fought and struggled with the doctors and anyone else that tried to help you get under control. You are on a thirty-day hold. You may very well be sent to the state hospital, Ancora.”

“What, Ancora???” You are the one who is out of his mind. I demand to speak to my attorney and see my family immediately. This is against the law to hold someone against their will.”

“No, sir, it is certainly within our rights to remand an out-of-control person who attacks a policy trooper or officer and threatens them with bodily harm. So, you need to calm down and try to think rationally. Your therapist will be stopping by in the next hour or so to check on you. Try to stay calm if you start acting out physically again. You will find yourself under heavy sedation and put in four-point restraints. I kid you not. Do you understand now?”

“Yes, I understand. I will calm down. I will not threaten anyone with harm. I made a mistake in judgment, that is all. Can I please talk to my doctor or my family or at least talk to my mother on the phone? She is highly reliant on me, and she must be out of her mind with worry.

“Your family will be visiting in good time. But not all at once, one person at a time. Do you understand? And you must stay calm, or they will not be allowed to visit again for a long, long time. Understand?”

“How long is a long, long time?”
“ It could be up to six months or longer.”

“Oh, my god, my boss will never let me come back to work again. What am I going to do?”

“Well, you will have plenty of time to contemplate that, sir. Perhaps you should try and take a nap. And you will be better able to contemplate your future plans. Things will become clearer soon. “Oh, I almost forgot your boss left this note for you. He asked me to give it to you when you were feeling a bit better. Here you go.” And then he handed me the note and turned and left the room, and closed the door behind him.  I carefully open the note, and there were two papers in the envelope. One said, “Charlie, so sorry to hear you are not well, but perhaps in time, you will be in a better frame of mind. Needless to say, we had to lay you off because you have missed so many work days due to your untimely mental breakdown. We are all thinking about you. And hope you are well soon. Best Wishes. Oh, by the way, because we had to lay you off, you no longer have health insurance, and the company will not be reimbursing your incarceration, I mean hospital expenses. Best Wishes, Thomas Moore CPA. 

At this particular moment, my only thought was, “Well, there’s no place to go but up now. And that is when I simultaneously started crying and laughing at the same time. So, I decided just to put one foot in front of the other and hope for the best. After all, I already had the worst.

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AND THE WINNER OF THE LOTTERY IS

I woke up that fateful morning with a sense that something unexpected was going to happen. I’ve always had what I considered a sixth sense. In that, I somehow sensed when something wonderful or something terrible was going to happen.

And on that particular morning, I had a feeling that I was going to win the New Jersey lottery big time. I turned on the news, and I heard that someone had the winning ticket for the Mega Millions Lottery. I had written down my numbers and posted them on the corkboard over my computer desk.

I had decided to put the lottery ticket in my mini-safe in my home office. When I heard the numbers that won, I checked the paper that I written the lottery numbers on the bulletin board. They were identical. I got a chill that ran up my back. I felt faint. I won. I hurried over to the safe and opened the safe to look at the lottery ticket. The lottery ticket wasn’t in the safe. I thought I might have a stroke right then and there. Where the hell was it?

Just then, my wife came into the room and said, “What is all the shouting about? Is everything alright?”

“Do you know where the lottery ticket is that I bought the other day? I posted it on the bulletin board when I got home.”

I haven’t seen it. I thought you told me you weren’t going to waste any more money on lottery tickets and horse races and playing cards for money, not to mention going to the Casinos in Atlantic City every weekend. You promised me you wouldn’t gamble anymore.

Yeah, yeah, I promised. But I had this intense feeling that I was going to win the lottery, and I did. I wrote down the numbers on a piece of paper and stuck it on my poster board in my office, and they matched. But the ticket isn’t in my little safe. It’s gone.”

“Are you sure you put it in your little safe? Maybe you just thought about doing it, and you forgot. You do that all the time. I’ll go through your clothes and your coat pockets and see if I can find it. You better not be pulling my leg about winning the million-dollar lottery. I’ll let you know if I find it right away.

Hellen spent the next forty-five minutes checking the clothes in the laundry basket and the clothes in his drawers. In case, he put the clothes he wore that day back in the drawer because sometimes her husband thought the clothes were still “good” to wear another day or two. And the last thing she did was go through all his jackets, sweaters, and even his heavy winter coat pocket. And just when she was about to give up, she looked in his “lucky sweater.”

And voila, she found the ticket in the top front pocket behind a pack of his cigarettes. At first, she was just mad that he had cigarettes because he had promised her that he quit smoking. But then, when she found the lottery ticket. She forgot all about that.

And she ran into her husband Bert’s office and handed him the ticket. “I found it in your lucky sweater pocket behind your cigarettes. He grabbed it and checked the numbers over and over. And then he stood up and started to jump up and down. He kept screaming I won, I won, I won over and over again. The next thing she knew, she was jumping up and down too. Then they started hugging each other and screaming we won! We won and laughed hysterically.

“Bert, how much did you win?”

“Well, Helen, you’re not going to believe this, but we won ten million dollars. Of course, taxes have to be paid on it, but it’s still millions of dollars. Can you believe it?”

“It feels like a dream. What in the world will we do with all that money?”

“Well, the first thing we can do is pay off our mortgage and all our other bills. Then we can get rid of that old clunker of a car and get a new one. And then we can go on the first real vacation of our lives, anywhere we want to go.”

And then they started hugging each other and jumping up and down again. Then Helen said, “we better not tell anyone that we won this money, or everyone we know and don’t know will be calling us and banging on our door asking for money. So, it has to be our secret. And then we go to the bank and tell them the situation and ask what they think we should do, like what kind of investment we put the money in for the short and long term.

“Helen, we have to contact the New Jersey Lottery office, and they will let us know how to claim the winnings and what to do next,” Bert calls the New Jersey Lottery office and is told he has to come in person with the Lottery Ticket to claim the money and he was told what information and proof of identity he had to bring to the office.

When Bert and Helen arrived at the Lottery Office, they were so excited and wound up they could hardly put two coherent words together. They were taken into the private office of one of the managers, and they showed him the lottery ticket and their ID and proof of address, and banking information.

The Lottery official informed them that the Federal Government would take at least 25% and the local tax would take 13%, and probably tax would take more money up to 37%.

Since they were big winners, the Lottery Official said that a new rule passed that they could remain anonymous for ninety days. Before they announced the winners. He suggested they tell as few people as possible or that they would soon be inundated by people asking, begging, and demanding money from them. They suggested changing their phone number, if possible, not telling anyone they knew about their big win.

Helen and Bert left the office in a fog. They didn’t say anything on the way home to one another because they were overwhelmed by the money and all it entailed. Helen was having second thoughts about the benefits of becoming suddenly wealthy. She led a quiet but content life aside from Bert’s gambling. She was afraid that winning all this money would be the end of her life as she knew it. And she didn’t say a word to him on the way home.

It took several weeks before they were notified by their bank that their newfound wealth was deposited. They suggested having their new account come in with them to the bank to talk about where they wanted their money dispersed. And let them know how much, if any, money they wanted to take in cash. He suggested they make modest withdrawals at first. And he also reminded them that in three months’ time, the announcement of their big win would be publically announced. He once again suggested they move from their present address to a more secluded and protected housing development with security available.

Bert and Helen felt conflicted. They had lived at their present address for over thirty years. They knew all their neighbors, and they felt safe there. It would be a hard move to make. But, they both agreed reluctantly that it was necessary. And so, they hired a realtor to take them to look at new homes that had security round-the-clock.

After two weeks of looking, they found a beautiful home about forty minutes away from their former address, and they decided to sell all their old furniture and buy new. The furniture that they had was mostly hand-me-downs from friends and relatives. In fact, they had never had any new furniture up until now.

The day they moved, they said their goodbyes to their neighbors, who were shocked and sad to see them go. Helen and Bert said that they would call them in a couple of weeks after they got settled, and they would have a bar-b-que and invite them all over.

It took time for them to feel comfortable in their new home. Several of their new neighbors came over and welcomed them to the neighborhood. It took a while before Helen and Bert felt at home. Bert had gone out and bought a new car. It was a compact car, not a luxury vehicle. It ran like a top and was energy efficient. It cost more for the auto insurance he had before because it was new. But Bert loved it, and although he missed his old car for a while, he soon got used to it. Helen loved it from day one, especially since it didn’t smell like cigarette smoke.

As time went by, they felt more at ease and comfortable in their new, improved circumstances. They invited their old friends and neighbors over and met their new neighbors. All seemed to be going by without any real difficulty or problems.

But then the announcement was made about who won the Million Dollar Lottery in New Jersey. And they started getting inundated by the media, the public, and people begging for money. They had to change their phone numbers and block all calls from people they didn’t know. And sometimes people knocked at their doors all day and into the night.

They had to hire security to guard their home and themselves when they went out in public. They had to block their new phone numbers. It was unbelievable how many people begged them for money on a daily basis. It became a nightmare. Finally, out of pure preservation, they decided to invest part of the money. Enough to live on for the rest of their lives. And give money to their family members and anyone who was a long-time friend that was in need, and then they donated the rest of the money to an organization that would disburse the money to organizations where it would benefit the most people. They decided they preferred a quiet life populated with their family members and oldest friends.

They realized that a simple life was a good life for them. Bert decided that gambling was going to be a thing of the past and that being married to Helen had been the biggest win of his life and that he would spend the remainder of their lives together and be grateful for the happiness that had always waited there for them to appreciate. And that money did not always bring happiness and contentment to your life.

 

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A COLD WINTER’S DAY

Christine stood next to her car her feet literally frozen to the ground. She had pushed unlock several times on her key fob but nothing happened. She tried inserting her key into the locks and the key turned but the doors refused to open. Her entire car was covered in ice. The doors were covered in ice as were the windows and the mirrors. She tried each door and the same result. Her mind refused to accept what was obvious. She was locked out of her beloved car in the middle of nowhere with no help in sight. 

Her hands, feet, and face are burning from the cold. The wind is relentless and so cold that she‘s having trouble breathing. She feels a tear run down her cheek and it freezes there.

She considers her options. Wait and see if her car’s locks eventually thaw out. Wait for someone to drive by and stop and help her. Or continue banging on the doors and pulling on them with all her might until she couldn’t do it anymore.

Or she could start walking to the nearest house. And beg to come in and use their phone. Her cell phone is locked in her trunk and besides her cell phone didn’t work this far out in the boonies.

And then there was the issue of her car’s engine that just slowly stopped and then wouldn’t start up again. Dead battery perhaps. Who knew? She sure didn’t. By no stretch of the imagination was Christine an auto mechanic. Her expertise began and ended at pulling up to a self-serve gas station and putting gas in the car and inserting her credit card into the right slot to pay for the gas.

Usually, Christine was able to remain calm no matter what problem she faced. But recently there have been so many problems, so many unexpected catastrophes that she feels overwhelmed by even the smallest inconvenience. She decides to try the locks one more time and if they didn’t work, she will start walking.

Now the key wouldn’t even turn. She pounds on the door until her hands are numb from the cold and bleeding. She sees no other choice but to start walking until she finds a house or a trailer. She would settle for a semi-dilapidated barn.

She pulls her knitted hat down over her ears and takes her leather gloves out of her pockets and puts them on. She had them for many years. They were a Christmas gift from her husband years ago. Or should she say, ex-husband? Well, they were still married back then but not now. That was one of the catastrophes in recent months. Apparently, he wanted an upgrade in wives, a newer model without the wrinkles and sagging muscles. Someone who might be able to make him a father. Because she wasn’t able to do that.

He was supposed to get married in June. And just last week she received an invitation to their wedding. When she opened the envelope she couldn’t believe her eyes. He had the unmitigated gall to invite her to his wedding with his child bride. Well, she wasn’t exactly a child but almost. She had just turned twenty- two.

Her first impulse was to call him up on his cell and tell him to go straight to hell. Then she thought that she would turn up at his wedding and make a horrible scene. But she knew that would probably backfire on her. So reluctantly she decided to respond that she could not attend as she would be out of town and leave it at that. And maybe she would plan a getaway to some tropical island somewhere or take a cruise or go mountain climbing and jump off the top of a mountain. She just couldn’t decide. She was having trouble making decisions altogether.

In fact, that is why she found herself in her present predicament. Last week she notice her car was making weird noises, and it wouldn’t always start right away in the morning. And she kept telling herself to call and make an appointment at her mechanics to have it checked out and tuned up. But she kept putting it off. Her husband always took care of the cars.

As a result, she found herself walking down a lonely, deserted country road with no houses in sight. She had been on her way to a town about fifteen miles from here to visit an old friend of hers, Mallory. She had purchased a farm and was trying to make a go of it. Christine was having difficulty picturing her friend running a farm since she had been working in tech for the last ten years. But she knew better than anyone how life can change in the blink of an eye.

As she walks down the road she contemplates all the changes that took place in her own life in recent years. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she couldn’t blame her husband for everything. Yes, he wanted children. And when they realize she couldn’t get pregnant. He started talking about adopting. But she was actually relieved that she couldn’t get pregnant. Because she didn’t really want to be a parent.

She loved her job and couldn’t imagine staying home, changing diapers and doing wash, and cleaning the house. It was the last draw for him and he felt she should have told him before they got married that she didn’t want children. She didn’t realize she didn’t want kids until he started pushing her in that direction. She should have told him right away, but she didn’t. And that was on her.

In the distance, Christine could see what looks like a farmer in a field. She started double-timing it in that direction. It was the first good thing that had happened to her in months. By the time she arrived on the road next to the farm, her hands and face and feet were completely numb. She could hardly breathe and she was afraid she would die before she got to him. She started waving her hands frantically in his direction. He waved back.

She realized she would have to go to the farmer. She started walking in that direction. Finally, she was within feet of him. “Hello, oh I’m so happy to finally find someone. My car broke down about three miles back. I’m absolutely frozen could you please, please help me?“

“Oh of course, but we will have to walk up to my house, come on it’s not that far. You poor thing you must be frozen with just that thin jacket on.?”

After about two minutes Christine saw a farmhouse. “Oh thank god, I thought I would die if I had to walk any further in this cold.”

“Here we are. Now let’s get you in the house and get something warm in your stomach and a couple of blankets around you in front of the fire. Shall we?”

“Yes, please. It sounds like heaven.”

“Here we are. Let’s go in. I’ll call my wife. She’ll be happy to have another woman to talk to for once. She usually only sees other people on Sunday when we go to church. A farm keeps you really busy, sunup to sundown.”

“Martha, we have company. A young lady’s car broke down and she had to walk a couple of miles out in the cold. Could you come in and give her something warm to eat. I’ll stoke the fire and get her a blanket.”

“Oh dear, you must be frozen. I just made some fresh vegetable soup and homemade bread. How’s that? What’s your name dear?”

“My name is Christine, I was going to visit a friend of mine and my car broke down. Your farm was the closest place I found since my car stopped working altogether. I‘ve been walking for a good while when I finally saw your husband. Really, he saved my life. Thank you.

“Oh, I don’t know about saving your life, but at least you‘re safe and soon you’ll have something warm in your stomach. Do you feel better yet?”

“Oh yes, I can finally feel my hands and feet. Oh, this soup is so delicious. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. When I’m done could I call my friend to come and get me? My purse and cell phone are locked in the trunk of my car.”

“Of course, dear go right ahead. And please feel free to use the bathroom it’s to your right.”

“That’s a good idea. I guess I really do have to go, but I was so cold I didn’t even think about it.”

“Oh I feel so much better, my friend said that she only lives a few miles from here and she’ll get here as soon as possible. She’s on her way.”

Christine comes out of the bathroom and smiles at the farmer and his wife.”Really I can’t thank you enough. You have renewed my faith in humanity. I live in the city and sometimes I feel so alone even though there are people everywhere. No one even makes eye contact. It makes me feel invisible sometimes. I grew up in a small town in the North East in New Jersey called Maple Shade. We all knew our neighbors and had tons of friends. Everyone waved at people they saw walking around town even if they didn’t know you. It’s a different world now.”

“Yes, the world has changed so much it’s true. People think they are connected to everyone what with the internet and social media. But really they’re not. They don’t really know one another. They don’t interact directly with people they just make comments on social media websites. Out here in the country even though we don’t all live right next to each other we have to make an effort to know our neighbors. Because you never know what kind of emergency might happen. And you have to have people who care enough about you who you can call for help.”

“Really, that must make you feel safe knowing there are people you can call at any given time. You are lucky.”

“Well, I don’t know if I would call it luck. We all have to make an effort to create a community of people that care for one another. People that we can rely on in the good times and the bad. It’s not luck, it is hard work to maintain friendships and community support. Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you a lecture or advice. You don’t even know us. I guess that’s the mother in me talking to you like you are one of my daughters.”

“Oh, do you have a large family? I was an only child. I was spoiled but on the other hand, I always wished I had sisters and brothers who cared about me. My parents died in a car accident when I was in college. And now I don’t have anyone. “

“Well, we have five grown children two sons and three daughters. They are all married and have children of their own now. But they visit whenever they can and we love spending time with our grandchildren. They come and spend the summer with us here on the farm. They love all our animals and they are a great help taking care of them. We hope one of them will want to take over the farm after we’re gone.”

“Really that sounds wonderful. I’m so glad my car broke down and I met you. Can I use your phone to call my friend to come to pick me up and could you tell me someone in the area that could come out and look at my car and see if they can fix it or tow it to get it fixed?”

“Of course dear, let me get you those numbers. And by the way, we are the Rafferty. My name is Martha and my husband here’s name is Johnathan. I’m sorry your car broke down but I”m so happy you found us. I want you to know that you are welcome here anytime you come out this way to visit your friend.“

Then Christina called her friend Mallory and told her about her car breaking down, Mallory said she had a friend who was a mechanic and she would ask him to go out and tow Christine’s car. And she would come to pick her up and Christine could stay with her at her farm until it was repaired. She was sorry for her trouble but so happy she would have an excuse to visit with her for at least a couple of days.

About forty minutes later Mallory was knocking at the kitchen door at Martha’s and Johnathan’s house. “Come in, come in get out of the cold. Please have a cup of tea before you and Christina leave. Oh, where’re my manners. I’m Martha and that is my husband, Johnathan. It’s always wonderful to meet someone new. And today we met two new friends. Would you like a piece of apple pie to go with that tea?”

“I would, that sounds wonderful.”

“Here’s your friend Christina. I think she finally thawed out.”

“Oh, Mallory I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here. But thanks so much and I so look forward to spending a couple of days with you. And now I’ve made two new friends and have double the reason to come visit you.”

As Mallory and Christina finished off their pie and tea the Rafferty’s hugged them both and said, “all in all, this has been a wonderful day. Here’s our phone number please, please give us a call the next time you come for a visit to Mallory we would just love that so much.”

Christina and Mallory hugged the Rafferty’s and Christina said, “this really has turned out to be a great experience. You never know what life will bring to you each day. Thank you so much, and I definitely will call you next time I visit Mallory. “Shall we be on our way Mallory?”

“Yes, and thank you for taking care of my dear friend.”

Christina looks at the Rafferty’s and say’s, “you know my mother used to say when you look back at all the experiences in your life both good and bad, you realize that life is beautiful. I never knew what she meant until now. And she hugged Martha and Johnathan and waved as she and Mallory were on their way to her farm.

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Part Two-WHAT HAPPENS IF A DREAM VACATION BECOMES A NIGHTMARE?

PART TWO

I have mixed emotions as I drive back to the breath-taking Crepe Myrtle Lodge. And by breath-taking, I mean you have to hold your breath the whole time you’re there. See I’m already trying to maintain my sense of humor in spite of the pit I’m going to spend the next one or two days in bored out of my mind in. OK, so I need more practice in keeping my sense of humor. I guess I’ll have to work on that for more than the next two days.

Non-poisonous snake

I arrive at the “hotel” and I” m once again hit with an overwhelming feeling of “what the hell?” And I head towards my “room.” Maybe I’ll be lucky, and the hotel staff will have come in and given the place the once over. While I was out hiking and getting attacked by a vicious beast. But no such luck, as I get out of the car and hop on one foot up to the door I peek in the room and see there hasn’t been any miraculous do-over since I last laid my eyes on it. In fact, it looks even messier, if that’s possible. I jam the key into the lock and the door swings open before I turn the key. So, either I forgot to lock it, or someone has been in here for some unknown reason. And then I think maybe I’m at the wrong door. So, I check the room number. But no, it’s the right room. I step in and slam the door shut behind me.

My ankle is throbbing a bit but nothing too terrible. I decide to take a nap since it has been a somewhat difficult day and a long one. Between traveling and ending up at the Bates Hotel. And then the snake bite and the doctor’s visit. On the plus side, I met a beautiful young lady and plan on having a great dinner and interesting conversation. I consider taking a shower but decide to forego it until after my nap since I’m knackered. I pull off my hiking boots and socks, shirt and pants, and flop down on the bed.

And in that horrible moment, I realize that I’m not alone in the bed. I scream an expletive and jump out of the lumpy bed. I yank the blanket and sheet off the bed. And lying before me is a naked man. A disgustingly filthy, nasty, wrinkled, old man lies there. I give him a mighty shake. Nothing. Dear god, did he stumble into my room by mistake and die? Why, why, why did he have to die in my bed? I shake him again, nothing. I turn him over with my eyes closed and pull the blanket up to his chest. I put my face as close to his nose and mouth as I can possibly tolerate. Nothing, Nada, zilch. The guy is dead as a doorknob, stiff as a plank, kicked the bucket, his ticket was punched for the last time.

The stench emanating from his mouth and unbelievably filthy body are almost overwhelming. I grab the phone next to the bed and push the button that says, “OFFICE.” Nothing happens, no one answers, no voice message comes on, nothing. If my leg weren’t killing me, I would jump up and down and have a full-out adult tantrum. But really, I’m not surprised in the least.

I head out the door towards the office. I feel kind of sick to my stomach and yet I’m mad as hell at the same time. Inside my head, I keep saying, “shit, shit, shit.” I arrive at the office door and yank on it hard. And surprise,  surprise, it’s locked, and the lights are out. The sign on the door says, “CLOSED.”

Once again, I have the overwhelming desire to start jumping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs. And I would but my ankle is throbbing like a you know what. I take out my cell phone and dial 911. “Hello, this is Joe Wadsworth. I’m staying at the Crepe Myrtle Hotel. I came back from hiking to find a dead body in my room. The hotel manager is nowhere to be found. The reception on my phone out here is horrible? Did you just ask me if I’m sure he’s dead?”

“Yes, I’m sure he’s dead. I know dead when I see it. Can you please come out here so I can get some peace? I’ve had a horrible day.”

“What, did you just say? “Not as bad as the dead guy’s day? What the hell is wrong with the people around here. This isn’t a joke, get out here and take this corpse out of my room, PLEASE. I’m begging you. “Yes, I’ll be standing outside the room.”

About 25 minutes later a police car and an ambulance shows up at the hotel. Joe decides to stand in front of the OFFICE door since he realizes he didn’t tell them his hotel room number. In fact, he can’t even remember if there was a number on his door. It seems as if was an eon ago that he arrived at this sorry excuse for a vacation hotel. It’s more like he was living an episode of the Twilight Zone. The one where the day never ends it just keeps going on and on and on. And you can’t find any way out.

Two uniformed police officers walk over to him in no particular hurry. It occurs to Joe that finding a corpse in a hotel room in this area must not be an unexpected event. Maybe it happens every day. Who the hell knows?

“Are you the complainant?”

“Complainant? Well, that’s one way of putting it. Yes, or you could say I’m a fellow victim of this god-forsaken place. My name is Joe Wadsworth. I’m the one that hasn’t been murdered yet. On the other hand, the day is young yet. I might possibly die yet from the snake bite that I experienced earlier today or who knows food poisoning at the restaurant that I have a reservation at later this evening. Don’t give up hope.”

“All right sir, you need to calm down. It’s not helpful to lose control of yourself in this type of situation.”

“Really, really? What kind of situation is that? The one where I came here to find some peace and possibly a moment of happiness in my life. An escape from the daily grind of the monotonous grind of my soul-killing job. That kind of situation?”

“Alright  sir, take a couple of deep breaths and calm down before we have to cuff you and put you in the back of the squad car for your own good.”

Joe stares at the two of them and considers if it would be worth it to just punch them both in the face, just to feel some kind of satisfaction or a moment of reprieve in this nightmare of a day. He decides he doesn’t want to sit in a jail cell or be cuffed in the back seat of these country bumpkins in police uniforms. “Yes, your right I need to take a couple of breaths and calm down.” He does just that, and he waits for them to continue the conversation.

“Alright sir, now let’s start from the beginning.”

“The beginning, well I’m assuming you mean from when I arrived at this hotel?”

“No, explain how you found a dead body in your room?” I arrived this morning and decided to go hiking, When I came back from hiking, I was exhausted and decided to take a nap. I noticed my bed was messier than when I left to go hiking earlier this morning. But as you can see this isn’t the Four Seasons Hotel. So, I just flopped down on the top of the bed and that is when I realized that I was not alone. There was someone under the covers.

I would be lying if I told you I was surprised because I wasn’t. I thought. Someone has wandered into my room by mistake and fell asleep or was dead drunk in my bed. Unfortunately, he turns out to be just dead. When I checked his breathing, he wasn’t breathing at all. And it was clear that the dirty, old man was dead, dead, dead. This is my room right here maybe you should have a look for yourself. And then Joe takes a deep breath and sighs. He could not imagine anything more horrific happening than already happened.

“Alright sir, please wait outside while we investigate the situation. Do not leave the scene of the crime.”

“Scene of the crime? How do you know there was a crime? The dead guy is old as dirt. And unfortunately for me, he wandered into my room and croaked in my bed.”

“Ok, sir we’ll be out of here as soon as we can. Wait here.”

“I will. I’m going to wait.”

After about twenty minutes the officers come out and close the hotel door behind them. The one who been doing all the talking before, says, ”so there seems to have been some kind of altercation in the room. Could you explain what happened?”

There hasn’t been any kind of altercation in the room, that’s how it looked when I arrived. In fact, this room is ten times better than the first room the “manager” showed me. The only difference is the addition of a crusty, old dead guy in the bed. And he arrived sometime after I went hiking and was bitten by a snake and went to the emergency room and came back here to the Third Circle of Hell.”

“We are going to have the detectives come in and investigate, look for any evidence of foul play. We will have to get your fingerprints to rule you out. And we will need all your contact information in case we need to ask you any further questions. I don’t know how long it will take, but you are going to have to get another room.”

“Another room, good grief. The stupid manager is never in his office. Well, if he doesn’t show up before you guys leave then I’m just going to have to see if there is another empty room and has an unlocked door.”

“Sorry, but you’re not going to be able to go into the room until I’m finished in there. The coroner will be here soon to take the body out. And then we will be looking for any signs of a struggle. If there isn’t any, we won’t be that long. Find a place to wait.”

Well, I guess I’ll try and take a nap, not much else to do since my ankle is killing me. Joe decides to call Emily and tell her the latest development. She will probably think he has lost his mind altogether. He takes out his cell phone and punches in Emily’s phone number. It rings a few times, but she doesn’t pick up. He leaves a short message. “Hello Emily, it’s me, Joe. I just wanted to let you know that due to an unexpected event I’ve had to move to another room. I’ll give you a call later Joe.’

Joe wanders up and down the path in the immediate area checking doorknobs to see if any of them are unlocked with no sign of the room is empty. He shutters to think what he may discover in one of the unoccupied rooms. After finding the first three rooms locked. He is ready to give up and sleep in his car. But decides to try one more door. And voila it is unlocked. He gingerly opens the door and looks straight ahead and then left to right. He calls out. “hello, is anybody in here?”

No one answers the door, so Joe turns the knob, and the door swings open. He takes a deep breath and enters the room with trepidation. Who knows what he may find in here? He looks from right to left and takes several steps forward. There is a single bed, that doesn’t have any sheets, blankets, or bedspread. He decides to venture closer to inspect the mattress. It has several suspicious stains, but no blood stains or signs of bedbugs. So that is a step up. And he did buy sheets and pillows and towels when he was out before this whole day from hell started.

He saw a small round table and a chair and behind that a counter with a coffee pot and upon closer inspection a dirty cup. He picks up the cup and takes it in the direction he imagines the bathroom is in. He shoves the door open with his foot and looks at the bathroom. There is a dirty sink and a dirty standing shower, no towels. The floor is dry, so he imagines no one has stayed here in the last twenty-four hours.

The mirror over the sink reflects a somewhat distorted image of himself. He has bags under his eyes, and his eyes look back at him as if he were a stranger. He goes back to the living area and decides that this room will do. As he leaves the room, he notes that on the outside of the door is the legend A 27. The 7 is hanging cockeyed because one of the screws is missing and when he closes the door behind him the seven falls to the ground. He lets out an ironic laugh. And heads back to his short-lived former room.

Joe sees a man who he suspects is the coroner and his assistant taking out the body of the unknown, old and crusty man. He wishes he could summon up some pity for this man, but he simply cannot. His last thought about the deceased is why the hell did he have to stumble into my room, my bed, and croak? He knows he shouldn’t feel this way, but he does. And he feels justified in his feelings and ashamed at the same time.

He watches the guys in white lift the gurney into the ambulance. And wishes the old man a Bon Voyage. And then lets out a laugh of sorts. He peeks into the room and calls out “ Can I please for the love of god, take my stuff out of the room? I found an empty room four doors down. He waits and finally, he sees the detective coming toward him. “Alright, come in. Don’t touch anything. Start getting your belongings, do not touch anything else. Nothing. Do you understand?”

“Yes, only take my own belongings, nothing else. I sent my contact information to you and my home phone number as well. Barring some other calamity, I’ll be here until the end of the week, I’m four doors down. I will be in the room the rest of the day. But hopefully, I’ll be up and around by tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow night I have a date, please, please do not call me then. Can I go now?”

“Yes, but first let me say this. The Coroner believes that no foul play was involved, no sign of bloodshed or possible mayhem. It seems as if the old man was inebriated and possibly hit his head at some point, came into your room and passed out, or even had a heart attack or stroke. So, it looks like you’re in the clear. I will get in touch if I need any further information. Good luck I hope the rest of your vacation is an improvement over today. Take your stuff, nothing else and I’ll be in contact at some point if necessary.”

“Thanks, nothing personal, but I hope we don’t have to meet again or even speak, I plan on blocking this day from my memory. I can only hope the next days are an improvement. I can’t imagine what worse thing could happen.”
“Well, let’s hope that’s true. But probably I’m the last one you should ask because that’s all I ever see, the worse of mankind. Good Luck all the same.”

Joe walks over to his car and decides that although it isn’t parked that far from his “new” room he will drive it down and park it out front of the room. Otherwise, he’ll have to cart all his hiking equipment, camera equipment stuff from this room to the next. And why the hell would he want to do that on his one good foot?

After Joe parks his car, and slowly carries in all his equipment, and the sheets and towels, and supplies he needed he is tuckered out and decides to take a quick shower and take a nap. Today has been an unbelievably long day. He carries the towels and his personal bag into the bathroom and turns on the shower. There is a weird creaking noise and then a loud whining and a kind of a big bang. The water comes out in spurts, it is an odd color like rust or dried blood. “Holy Crap, will this never end?” He shouts.” And then it sounds like the pipes are vibrating he’s afraid they will burst and then there is a sudden silence, the water stops and starts a few times. And then the water comes out in a tremendous rush. Joe sticks his hand under the spray to gauge the temperature and it is ice cold. “Shit,” he says. And then undresses and grabs a plastic bag that the new towels came in and puts it on his injured ankle and ties it as far up as the bag will go.

He puts his good leg and then his bad leg in the shower and endures the coldest shower he has ever taken. It feels as if he is taking a shower outside at the North Pole. He soaps up and then hops on one foot, directly under the spray, and rinses off. His ankle doesn’t throb anymore at the moment since it feels like it’s frozen all the way through. “Dear god, I don’t think I can take one more moment. Will this ever end?”

Joe turns off the shower and grabs the new towel and puts his good leg out followed by the bad leg. He leans against the outside of the shower and dries himself as well as he can. And puts on his jockeys and sits on the toilet, he takes a look at his ankle and surprisingly doesn’t look that bad. The swelling has lessened, and it doesn’t look like the angry red that it previously exhibited. He disinfects the injury and wraps the Ace bandage around it. And then hops over to the bed on his good leg and flops on the bed and falls instantly asleep.

Joe is in the middle of a nightmare where he is in a pit filled with Copperhead snakes that are surrounding him and about to be attacked when he is awakened by his cell phone ringing. He is somewhat dazed and confused. He looks around the room and isn’t quite sure where or even when it is. He stares at the phone and doesn’t recognize the number, so he lets it go to voice mail.

He thinks I don’t even want to know why anyone is calling me. I can not take one bit of bad news. I’ve had enough. As he lies there, he considers becoming a monk who has taken a vow of silence and daily prayer who lives in a cave on some isolated island somewhere. He has all but lost his faith in humanity. He reflects on the unbelievably awful events of the last twenty-four hours. He can not imagine a worse vacation than this one. But then he pictures Emily’s beautiful face with her big blue eyes and rosy cheeks and her long red hair. And thinks, maybe it’s all worth it. Fate meant for us to meet, perhaps she is the one.

He groggily gets out of bed and looks at the clock it is almost six o’clock. For some reason he thinks, six o’clock, six o’clock I’m supposed to be doing something at 6 o’clock. And then his stomach growls and he remembers Chinese Food. He rolls to the side of the bed and carefully places both feet on the cold, wood floor. His ankle is still throbbing slightly, but he considers the alternative. It would be so much worse if he couldn’t feel his ankle or foot and then what amputation? He leans over and examines his ankle, still red, somewhat puffy, but not too terrible. He felt himself relax somewhat.

His stomach gives one final loud growl to remind him that he was starving. “Ok, Ok I’m going to get the food, calm down. It was a weird habit of his to talk t his stomach as if it were a separate entity from him. Joe pulls on clean socks and his underwear and pants and grabs a shirt from his suitcase and throws it on. As he was about to go out the door, he realizes he’s forgotten his wallet. He goes back to the chair where he threw his pants he wore earlier and retrieves his wallet and keys. Then he leaves to go and pick up the take-out Chinese food.

He gets in his car without incident and drives the ten minutes to the restaurant with no problems. His ankle still hurts when he presses the brake pedal. But he thinks considering everything that happened today, he can live with it. He has his fingers crossed that by tomorrow he would be much better, and he can continue hiking without any further incidents. Joe pulls into a parking space near the front entrance of the restaurant which is called Number One Chinese. He walks through the door that jingles as he opens it and when he closes it.

The same smiling man is standing at the counter as he was earlier in the day. He looks at him, and says, “Yes, can I help you?”

“Yes, thank you. My name is Joe Wadsworth. I placed an order this morning for take-out at 6 PM. I’m sorry I’m a little late, but I took a nap and just woke up.”

The smiling man says, “No problem sorry, it is ready. We kept it in the warmer, would you like anything to drink?”

“You know, would it be alright to eat here, rather than take out, my hotel room has a lot to be desired including a table and chair. And you know I would really like a tall glass of beer. “Saison, if you have it?”

“Of course, please have a seat and we will bring your dinner to the table along with the Saison. Anything else?”

“No, that sounds great, thank you so much. You are a breath of fresh air.”

The smiling man looks at him somewhat strangely and says, “of course, sir.”

Joe looks around and there is only one other table occupied. A couple is sitting there leaning in towards one another as if no other people existed. He looks at them someone enviously. And then sits at a table next to the wall opposite them.

As he’s waiting for his food and beer, he takes his cell phone out of his pocket to check for any further calls. Just the one call, with the name and a number he doesn’t recognize. He wasn’t surprised because he left a message on his phone that he was on vacation for the next week and would not be available. “Good.” he thinks.

As he sits there waiting for his food, he looks around the restaurant. It looks like the same as every other Chinese take-out joint, he has frequented over the years. Even has a small Koi pond next to the back wall near the table where the couple is sitting. He decides to hobble over there and take a look while he is waiting.

He glances at the young couple as he passes them and thinks for some reason the woman looks familiar, but that can’t be since he didn’t know anyone in this area at all. As he looks at the enormous Koi swimming gracefully around the pond. He begins to relax a little. He hears the couple whispering to one another. And he thinks, that’s so weird, her voice sounds so familiar. He decides to take a better look at her as he walks back to his table.

He turns towards them and he notices that the young woman sitting at the table has long red hair. He thinks, red hair, that’s weird that he would see two redheads I one day. And that is when it hits him. The voice of the young woman is familiar. It wasn’t just any redhead. It was “his redhead.”

He considers just passing them by and going out to his car. He just can’t take one more disappointment today, he just couldn’t. And then he thinks but maybe they are just friends, or maybe they just decided to share the table since they were the only two people eating in, stranger things have happened, haven’t they?

So, he walks straight over to the table and says,” Emily, is that you?”

She looks up and him. She smiles at him and then her expression changes dramatically when she recognizes him. Her smile disappears and her face becomes pale than red as a beet. “Oh, what a surprise to see you here. What are the chances that we would both end up eating at the same take-out?”

“Honey, this is the man I was telling you about earlier that I met while hiking. You know the guy that got bitten by a snake. Your name is Joe, right? Joe, this is my husband Thomas, he just arrived he had to catch up on some work before he met me at our hotel. Her face is looking pale again. I look at her, she looks back with kind of a pleading look in her eyes.

I said, “oh, yes of course. Nice to meet you.” And at that moment I heard the smiling man call out Joe Wadsworth, your dinner is ready”. You know I think I’ll take that out after all if you could just put that all in a box to go, I would appreciate it. Thanks.”

“Well, nice seeing you again, have a nice time.” And then I turn away from them and head up to the counter to pick up my food, and I think. If I had a gun, I might just shoot myself. Luckily, I didn’t so I just grab my take-out and pay off the smiling man and walk out the door without looking back.

As I get in my car I think, things can only go up from here. They just can not get worse. And that is when I notice my left, rear tire is flat.

 

 

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