Tag Archives: hiking

PART 2- ON THE WALK BACK TO GLAMPING CAMPING

Joe and Frieda are hiking at a fairly fast clip and Kathie‘s getting a little out of breath since she already walked quite a distance. “Hey, you guys would you mind taking a short break before we make the rest of the hike back to the camp. I’m kind of bushed?”

“What? Of course not, no problem. I know a place up ahead about a quarter of a mile where we can rest on the beach near a gorgeous lake and cool off. What do you think? Would you like to do that? They also have a cabana there where you get a cold drink and some snacks. How’s that sound?”

“That sounds great, I would love to sit on the beach and have a cold drink. Let’s go for it.”
“Awesome, we could even take a dip in the lake and cool off. We went swimming there yesterday. And the water was so clear, you can see straight to the bottom of the lake. I’m sure you’ll love it.”

“Oh Frieda, I don’t have my bathing suit on under my clothes.”

“Oh, that’s not going to be a problem, don’t worry about it.” After about twenty minutes Kathie can hear people talking and laughing. The closer they got to the lake the louder the voices got louder. She doesn’t hear any kids yelling or playing.

“Oh, here we are Kathie, we know some of the people that are here because we come camping here almost every summer. I think you’ll love them as such open-minded and fun-loving people. I know you’ll love them, Kathie.”

Kathy can see the lake now, and it does look beautiful. “Wow, this is wonderful. No kids here, huh? That’s not a bad thing, it’s just that all the beaches I’ve been to in New Jersey were swarming with families and kids of all ages.”

“Oh, I guess I forgot to mention this is an adult beach only. But there are other lakes here that are family beaches, but all of them are clothing optional. I would have said something before, but most people know that before they come here. Although I guess Glamping Clamping doesn’t advertise it.”

“You’re kidding, I had no idea.” As Kathie looks up and down the beach, she sees that about one-half the people are wearing bathing suits and the other half, nothing. She decides that it doesn’t really bother her that much and plops down on the beach. “Well, I never went to a nude beach before, but I guess it’s not a big deal. But I think I’ll have to work up to it. Right now, I think I’ll just go get a cold drink and a snack.”

Kathie was relieved that the guy selling the drinks and snacks was wearing swimming trunks. “Hi, could I get a tall ice tea with ice?”

“Sure, coming right up. Is this the first time you came here to Glamping Camping? I don’t remember seeing you here before?”

“Yep, first time, turns out this is going to be my first time doing a lot of things here.”

The waiter chuckled, and said, “don’t worry you’ll get used to it.”

“Yes, I guess you can get used to anything, eventually, Thanks. “

I head back to where my new friends are standing on the beach and I’m somewhat surprised to see them standing in a group of people sans clothing. “Oh boy, here we go. Take a deep breath and keep walking Kathie. I said to myself.

“Oh, here she is now. I was just telling our friends here how we met you on the trail on our way here.’

I smiled and kept my eyes averted. I’m quite sure it is going to take me more than a little while to get used to talking to total strangers who are naked. “Oh hello, everyone, it’s so nice to meet you all. I was lucky to run into Joe and Freida this morning since I lost my way for a little bit. I never had a great sense of direction.”

Then everyone started introducing themselves to me, one by one. And I said jokingly, “I think it would be a lot easier if you all had name tags and I would remember your names better. Then I blushed, but they all laughed. And then I said, “Or not, LOL.”

Frieda said, “that’s a good one.” And she laughed.

“I think I’ll take a walk around the lake and check it out. It really is beautiful here.”

A young guy about my age asks me, “would you like some company?”

“Ah, yes, sure. I guess.”

“Oh, I’ll be right back I’m going to put on my swimming trunks since I know you are a newbie.”

I just stood there trying to decide if I was alright with the turn of events or if I wanted to run far, far away really fast. I decided to wait for him to return. I took a deep breath and waited. I decided I would wait and tell him I just wasn’t comfortable with the whole clothing-optional lifestyle.

After a couple of minutes, he came towards me. I relaxed as he had put shorts on. I realized I didn’t even know his name.” I’m sorry if Freda told me your name, I seem to have forgotten it all ready.”

“She didn’t. My name is Paul, Kathie. So, let’s take our walk and you can tell me what you’ve been up to so far.”

“Well not much really, I only just arrived a short time ago and after I settled into my little house, I took a hike, and lo and behold I saw a huge black bear up a tree. And it really freaked me out. I started running without really paying attention and got somewhat lost and that’s when I ran into Freda and Joe. And then we came here and I found out this it was a clothing-optional beach. Surprise, surprise, surprise.”

“Actually, you took it pretty well, some people might have run away. I felt awkward when I first came here, but now I don’t even think about the nudity.”

“If you say so, but I think it is something that will take me more than a little while to get used to. “

“You’re fine, don’t worry about it. It’s a choice, like I said, you do whatever you feel comfortable doing.”

“I appreciate that Paul, and I think I’m more of a traditional kind of person and I’m going to stick to swimming with people that wear bathing suits. No judgment, just my own comfort level.”

“Alright, no pressure, but maybe we could get together for lunch before you leave?”

“Thanks, but I already have my week planned out, it was nice meeting you, take care.”

The look on his face was heartbreaking really, but I turned and start walking away all the same. I felt bad if I hurt his feelings. But before I took this trip, I decided I was going to start listening to my inner voice and not to everyone around me. I felt proud that I was able to speak up for myself, but I felt a little guilty for hurting him.

I start hiking towards my little house and believe it or not I arrive there relatively unscathed and intact. I walk over to my little house and decide to take a shower and then a nap. It’s only about one 0’clock in the afternoon, but it had been a long day of traveling and hiking and weird experiences.

As I approach my little house, I can’t help but notice that the door is wide open. I walk slowly up to the door and peek in. I think well maybe housekeeping is in there? Nope, can’t be that I just arrived and it doesn’t need cleaning. Maybe, someone broke in and stole my belongings. Well, I had my wallet with me, and I didn’t bring any jewelry with me. Well, maybe a plumping problem?

I’m afraid to walk in so I just stick my head inside the door and I can’t help but notice that there is something or someone lying on top of my bed. What the heck is going on. I hear a loud sound, which I realize is snoring. But who or what is it? And then the snorer turns over and I see a hairy black face and I realize there is a hairy black body to go with it.

At first, my mind refuses to accept the reality of what I’m seeing. It is a bear; it is most likely The Bear that I saw earlier in the day up in the tree. What the heck, am I Goldilocks, are there three bears in there. I scream at the top of my lungs and run the fasted I have ever run in my life to the manager’s office.

I am so overwrought and freaked out that once I arrive at the office. I throw open the door and yell at the top of my voice, “BEAR, BEAR, BEAR.  There’s a Bear in my bed in my tiny house.”

The Manger takes his time responding to me, or even looking up. “What, a bear? That’s highly unlikely Miss.”

I scream again, ‘There’s a bear in my bed in my tiny house.”

“Well, I’m sure your mistaken. But, let’s go have a look shall we.”

My heart is beating so hard it feels like it might explode. “OK, that’s my house there, the one with the door wide open and he’s sleeping on my bed.”

“Sleeping on your bed, oh surely you’re mistaken.” If looks could kill this guy would be dear. I’m so mad at him for not taking me seriously.

He is about to walk into the house when I grab his arm and say, “are you insane? He’ll kill you, he’s huge, and by that, I mean HUGE.” He laughs at me and steps in through the doorway. I step back and then I move about ten feet away from the door to the right. If and when this bear comes running out, I don’t want to be in his path.

And that is when I hear the manager screaming, and running in my direction, he is yelling, ‘RUN, RUN, RUN.’

And I run toward the office. The manager is directly behind me, for an old guy he can really move. “GET IN CLOSE THE DOOR. GET IN.” And then he locked the door behind us and we pushed his desk up against it. As we are looking out the door window, we see the bear ambling away, ever so slowly. He’s not in any kind of rush. He swings his huge head in our direction and gives us what looks like a big, toothy grin. And then he heads back towards the woods.

Meanwhile, we are both shaking and out of breath, “dear god, I’ve never been more frightened in my life, he could have killed me with a swipe of his gigantic paw. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”

“Maybe, I’m overreacting, but I believe that I need a vacation from this vacation. Between naked people swimming in the lake and bears sleeping in my little house, I think it’s time for me to go home.”

“Now miss, please reconsider, this is your first day, I’m sure it was just an aberration.”

“Nope, nope, I’m leaving and I’m sure you will give me a complete refund for this week considering what has happened here today, I’m sure you don’t want me to give you a bad review this early in the season.”

“Of course, no problem if you’re sure you won’t change your mind.”

“I’m sure, could you please walk me over to the tiny house so I can gather my belongings safely?”

“Yes, of course.”

He stuck his head out of the door and looked to the right and the left. No sign of the bear. “Looks like the coast is clear, let’s go.”

When we got back to my tiny house the door was all but torn off the hinges. We peeked in the door, and the bear was gone. “You first.” And he stepped into the room. The room looked like a cyclone had hit it. My clothes were strewn all over, the mattress was on the floor, as were the sheets, pillows, and quilt. “Good grief.”

“Ok, well, I’m just going to use the ladies’ room, gather all my belongings, could you please go back to the office and get my refund ready?”

“Yes, of course, I’m sorry this all happened. I hope in the future you might come again.”

I laughed and laughed. Then I went into the bathroom and took care of my business, gathered all my stuff, came back to the bedroom threw all my clothes in my suitcase. I took a good look around to make sure I didn’t miss anything. I put my stuff in the trunk of my car and drove it over to the manager’s office. He was waiting for me.

“Here’s a copy of the credit I applied to your credit card, I’m so sorry this happened. I can’t apologize too much. This sort of thing has never happened before.”

“Well, I say this for you. I have had a short but intense vacation. One that I will never forget. And I’m sure sometime in the distant future I’ll be able to laugh about this experience. But not today. Goodbye.

On the way home I thought, how will I ever top this vacation. And I headed back towards Route 9 and home.

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Dream Vacation – Day ONE-Glamping in Cape May

This is my first vacation in ten years. I have been counting the days for the last six months. Kind of like when I was a kid when I used to count the days until Christmas. As “The” Day comes closer my excitement and anticipation are so great I feel as if my head or my heart might explode.

Little House

I‘m having a difficult time deciding on a vacation location. There are so many to choose from, literally thousands. The last time I went on vacation was to Atlantic City. I had to attend a work convention there. So, it wasn’t strictly a vacation since I had to attend meetings five out of seven days that I was there. But the added benefit was that I could spend almost every evening in the Casinos.

The convention was being held at the Borgata Casino and Hotel. The first night I won $900.00 on the roulette wheel, unfortunately. I say unfortunately because I was hooked once I won that $900.00 And every chance I had I was spinning that wheel of fortune. And the only time I saw the ocean was when I took a tram or walked the boardwalk to the next casino. I didn’t even come home with even a hint of a tan. What I did come back to was an empty bank account and maxed out all t my credit card cash advances. It took me three years to pay down the debt.

I’m having a hard time deciding what to do and where to go. I only have a week off so it can’t be too far away and my budget limits me as well. And I want to do something totally out of my comfort zone. I finally decide to go camping in the woods by myself. I live in New Jersey and I’ve decided to camp in Cape May, which is the southernmost point of New Jersey. I found the perfect place to camp. The newest trend in camping is called glamping at a location not so cleverly named GLAMPING-CAMPING in Cape May.

Bear in a Tree

Glamping is camping only with creature comforts. Each brand-new Tent or little house features a queen-size bed and ceiling fans and an air conditioner or a heater if you go during the cold months. It’s not unlike a hotel room, each tent or house has a small refrigerator, coffee maker, and microwave. Outside, there is a small deck, grill, picnic table, and chairs.

I want to experience the great outdoors for sure, but let’s not get carried away. I hate mosquitoes, so I want no part of them. I’m not big on showering in a big room with strangers. So, I’ll be showering in a single shower that provides all the creature comforts like, soap, hot water, towels, mirrors, and toilets with privacy. I’m not much for letting it all hangout. If you catch my drift.

Anyway, I’m really jazzed about the whole trip, a change of scenery, the ocean, the beach, the ocean breeze, the sunrise over the ocean. I dig it all, can’t wait.  It’s going to be a blast. As long as there aren’t any horse flies or mosquitoes. I detest biting insects.

So, in ten days I’ll be there not only in my imagination but for reals, people, for reals.

Oh, I have to find someone to take care of my fish. I better put that down on my “to-do list” right now before I forget. I don’t want to come home to find my beautiful fish floating upside down. That would be a tragedy I might not survive intact.

Today is the day, I’m so excited I wasn’t able to sleep all last night. Everything is packed in the trunk of my car. I checked and rechecked my whole list. I don’t want any unpleasant surprises. As soon as I shower and get dressed, I’ll be on my way to Cape May.

Oh, that reminds me of something that happened to me one time when I went shopping at the craft store. When I got in line to pay the cashier, I heard someone singing really loud “On the way to Cape May, I fell in love with you.” As I got closer to the front of the line, I realized it was the cashier. She was singing,” On the way to Cape May, I fell in love with you”. She wasn’t humming it. She was singing it out loud with facial expressions, and swaying back and forth, and doing a little two-stepping too. It was weird, but somehow everyone that was in her line left smiling and in a better mood. The cashier seemed to be totally unaware that she was doing anything unusual.

In honor of that singing cashier, I sang, “On the Way to Cape May, I fell in love with you”, for a good hour. I’m really jazzed. I absolutely, positively know this is going to be an experience I’ll never forget. It is about an hour and a half drive from where I live to Cape May. All I see for miles and miles on Route 9 are trees and the occasional pick-up truck zooming by me at the speed of light.

According to my GPS,  Glamping Camping is only minutes away. Seven days of fresh air, sunshine, and solitude. Hiking, swimming, and canoeing at a lake within walking distance to the Tiny House I rented for the week.

And finally, here I am at Glamping Camping. I pull in through the front entrance and park outside of the main office. As I enter the office, I see a man in his mid-fifties standing behind the desk. “Hello, can I help you?”

“Yes, my name is Katherine O’Connor I have a reservation for a week in one of your tiny houses. I can’t tell you how much I have been looking forward to this vacation. I just know it’s going to give me a new lease on life. I haven’t had a vacation in ten years. I’m so looking forward to the quiet, the solitude, the fresh air, the water, the ocean. Just all of it. Oh sorry, I didn’t mean to go on and on.”

“No problem we have been looking forward to your arrival today, and you should find everything in the house that you need. My name is Bill Anderson, I’m the manager. Here is a pamphlet with a list and schedule of all the activities available at Glamping Camping. Here is some information regarding local food stores, pharmacies if needed, and directions to the Cape May area and all the activities available there. If you’ve never been there before you will be more than pleased, I know. Here’s your key to the house, if there are any problems just pick up the phone and call the office. Someone is here twenty-four seven.”

“Thank you, I look forward to a wonderful stay here. I think I’ll unload my car and take a walk around the grounds and maybe take a swim in the lake later this afternoon.”

I drive my car a short distance to the area where the tiny houses are located. I’ve seen pictures of them but I’ve never seen one in person. And it is tiny but more than enough room for me. The bed is queen size and there is a tiny bathroom with a sink, toilet and shower, and towel rack. The kitchen is in the same room it consists of a sink, two cabinets, and a microwave, and a small refrigerator.

I step out the front door and I see seating for two and a table with a sun umbrella. Around the back of the house, there is a barbeque. It looks clean as a whistle. I don’t see many people around they must be out enjoying the woods, or the lake, or maybe they drove to Cape May to eat lunch or go to the beach. I can’t wait to do the same. So far, I’m impressed.

I decide to get my suitcase and supplies and put them in the house and put on some more suitable clothing for a hike in the woods. It is such a beautiful day sunny and warm with a slight breeze, perfection really. After I put my things away, I look at the pamphlet to see the best area to start hiking within the camp.  I see it is only a short distance away. I put on sunscreen and spray myself with bug spray. One thing I know for sure if you’re going in the woods be prepared for biting insects.

I start walking down a path that has an arrow pointing to it. I walk for about fifteen minutes without meeting anyone along the way, but I can hear some voices in the distance. But I don’t see anyone. It’s absolutely wonderful here, quiet, except for the birds singing in the trees above me. And somewhere not too far away I hear water so there must be a stream or perhaps a lake nearby. I decide to head that way. Now I wish I had worn my bathing suit under my clothes.

I keep heading in the direction of the sound of water. I walk about another thirty minutes. The terrain is getting more challenging. I am getting a little out of breath. I realize that I can’t hear the water any longer. I must have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the way. I feel a little nervous. I don’t have a great sense of direction.  I decide to turn back in the direction I came from before I really get lost.

I hike for another half hour or so, I’m really tired. I have to admit I’m out of shape. My job is sedentary. And I avoid the gym like the plague. But I do love to walk and hike whenever I can. I see a clearing ahead. I hope I find some fellow glampers. I know I must be headed in the right direction if other people are there.

Finally, I hear some noise up ahead and I run in that direction. I’m not sure why I’m running. And then I arrive and I still hear a kind of rustling noise. But I don’t see anyone. I do see a large lake and in the distance on the other side of the lake, I see some people paddling a canoe. I wave like crazy at them. They see me and wave back.

I hear the rustling noise again it seems to be coming from a tree up ahead. I can’t imagine what it could be. I don’t hear any talking. It sounds something like branches being moved. Maybe someone is gathering wood to start a campfire? I keep walking towards the sound. I’m now standing directly under the tree. I hear the noise. I step back to see if there is anything up there.

And low and behold there is a bear up in the tree. And I’m not talking teddy bears here, it is a giant bear at least a hundred and fifty pounds or more. I yell at the top of my lungs,” holy crap.” And then I clap my hands over my mouth the bear is now looking directly at me. Dear god, I think, my first vacation in then years I’m going to get mauled and eaten by a bear on my first day. I don’t know what I should do, run like hell, or slowly back away or wait and see if the bear is going to get down the tree and go on his merry way.

I decide to watch him for a minute or so and see if he is going to descend the tree. I stare up there until I start getting a crick in my neck. The bear is stretching out and making himself comfortable up there. I decide my best course of action is to back away quietly until I’m out of his range of sight. I back away and back away some more. I don’t see or hear the bear running after me. So, I start walking faster and faster until I am full out running and I don’t stop until I feel I left him far behind me.

I’m so exhausted I decide I need to rest for a few minutes. And I think, why oh why didn’t I bring some water with me. I keep moving forward, but every once in a while I turn and look back. And then I hear some voices ahead of me. I head toward the comforting sound of human voices.

Suddenly, I hear someone say, “Hey, was that you yelling a few minutes ago? Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m alright. I just had a somewhat disturbing experience that’s all.”

A man and woman in their late thirties walk toward me. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something, what happened?”

“Well, I was hiking and I got a little turned around and ended up near a big lake and there was a huge, absolutely huge black bear in the tree up ahead of me. I didn’t know what to do. The only wild animals I’ve seen before were squirrels and an occasional bunny. It was a shocking experience.”

“You saw a black bear, wow you are lucky. I had heard that there was an increasing number of bears in the area especially since it is Summer. What did you do?”

“Well, as you heard I screamed like a banshee first and then I calmed down and slowly backed away. The bear saw me but just continued to lie up in that tree. And I backed away slowly until I put some distance between us, and then I ran like a bat out of hell. I was terrified.”

The two of them laugh and then I laugh. “Well, all things considered, it was an exciting beginning to my vacation and it will be a great story to tell everyone when I get back home.”

“You’re right, it will be. All the same, I think I would avoid going back there in the near future you don’t want to test your luck. By the way, what’s your name? Our names are Joe and Freida Melony. We just got here today. We’re staying for the week. “

“My name is Katherine O’Connor. But everyone calls me Kathie. I’m here for the week too.”

“Well, Kathie O’Connor I’m glad to meet you. Why don’t you walk back with us, do you have any plans for dinner tonight? We were thinking of heading into Cape May and going out to dinner, would you like to join us?”

“You know I would like to join you that sounds like fun.”

“So, Kathie while we walk back to the campgrounds why don’t you tell us about yourself.”

“Really, well this is the first vacation I’ve taken in ten years. So, it looks like it’s taken off with a bang. I expect this vacation is going to be a whole lot of fun and unexpected surprises.”

“Yes, it does, doesn’t it? Continue while we walk, look out ahead the path is a little bumpy up ahead. Wouldn’t want you to take a fall.”

“Thanks, from now on I’ll keep my eyes wide open.”

PART 2- NEXT WEDNESDAY

 

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Part Two-WHAT HAPPENS IF A DREAM VACATION BECOMES A NIGHTMARE?

PART TWO

I have mixed emotions as I drive back to the breath-taking Crepe Myrtle Lodge. And by breath-taking, I mean you have to hold your breath the whole time you’re there. See I’m already trying to maintain my sense of humor in spite of the pit I’m going to spend the next one or two days in bored out of my mind in. OK, so I need more practice in keeping my sense of humor. I guess I’ll have to work on that for more than the next two days.

Non-poisonous snake

I arrive at the “hotel” and I” m once again hit with an overwhelming feeling of “what the hell?” And I head towards my “room.” Maybe I’ll be lucky, and the hotel staff will have come in and given the place the once over. While I was out hiking and getting attacked by a vicious beast. But no such luck, as I get out of the car and hop on one foot up to the door I peek in the room and see there hasn’t been any miraculous do-over since I last laid my eyes on it. In fact, it looks even messier, if that’s possible. I jam the key into the lock and the door swings open before I turn the key. So, either I forgot to lock it, or someone has been in here for some unknown reason. And then I think maybe I’m at the wrong door. So, I check the room number. But no, it’s the right room. I step in and slam the door shut behind me.

My ankle is throbbing a bit but nothing too terrible. I decide to take a nap since it has been a somewhat difficult day and a long one. Between traveling and ending up at the Bates Hotel. And then the snake bite and the doctor’s visit. On the plus side, I met a beautiful young lady and plan on having a great dinner and interesting conversation. I consider taking a shower but decide to forego it until after my nap since I’m knackered. I pull off my hiking boots and socks, shirt and pants, and flop down on the bed.

And in that horrible moment, I realize that I’m not alone in the bed. I scream an expletive and jump out of the lumpy bed. I yank the blanket and sheet off the bed. And lying before me is a naked man. A disgustingly filthy, nasty, wrinkled, old man lies there. I give him a mighty shake. Nothing. Dear god, did he stumble into my room by mistake and die? Why, why, why did he have to die in my bed? I shake him again, nothing. I turn him over with my eyes closed and pull the blanket up to his chest. I put my face as close to his nose and mouth as I can possibly tolerate. Nothing, Nada, zilch. The guy is dead as a doorknob, stiff as a plank, kicked the bucket, his ticket was punched for the last time.

The stench emanating from his mouth and unbelievably filthy body are almost overwhelming. I grab the phone next to the bed and push the button that says, “OFFICE.” Nothing happens, no one answers, no voice message comes on, nothing. If my leg weren’t killing me, I would jump up and down and have a full-out adult tantrum. But really, I’m not surprised in the least.

I head out the door towards the office. I feel kind of sick to my stomach and yet I’m mad as hell at the same time. Inside my head, I keep saying, “shit, shit, shit.” I arrive at the office door and yank on it hard. And surprise,  surprise, it’s locked, and the lights are out. The sign on the door says, “CLOSED.”

Once again, I have the overwhelming desire to start jumping up and down and screaming at the top of my lungs. And I would but my ankle is throbbing like a you know what. I take out my cell phone and dial 911. “Hello, this is Joe Wadsworth. I’m staying at the Crepe Myrtle Hotel. I came back from hiking to find a dead body in my room. The hotel manager is nowhere to be found. The reception on my phone out here is horrible? Did you just ask me if I’m sure he’s dead?”

“Yes, I’m sure he’s dead. I know dead when I see it. Can you please come out here so I can get some peace? I’ve had a horrible day.”

“What, did you just say? “Not as bad as the dead guy’s day? What the hell is wrong with the people around here. This isn’t a joke, get out here and take this corpse out of my room, PLEASE. I’m begging you. “Yes, I’ll be standing outside the room.”

About 25 minutes later a police car and an ambulance shows up at the hotel. Joe decides to stand in front of the OFFICE door since he realizes he didn’t tell them his hotel room number. In fact, he can’t even remember if there was a number on his door. It seems as if was an eon ago that he arrived at this sorry excuse for a vacation hotel. It’s more like he was living an episode of the Twilight Zone. The one where the day never ends it just keeps going on and on and on. And you can’t find any way out.

Two uniformed police officers walk over to him in no particular hurry. It occurs to Joe that finding a corpse in a hotel room in this area must not be an unexpected event. Maybe it happens every day. Who the hell knows?

“Are you the complainant?”

“Complainant? Well, that’s one way of putting it. Yes, or you could say I’m a fellow victim of this god-forsaken place. My name is Joe Wadsworth. I’m the one that hasn’t been murdered yet. On the other hand, the day is young yet. I might possibly die yet from the snake bite that I experienced earlier today or who knows food poisoning at the restaurant that I have a reservation at later this evening. Don’t give up hope.”

“All right sir, you need to calm down. It’s not helpful to lose control of yourself in this type of situation.”

“Really, really? What kind of situation is that? The one where I came here to find some peace and possibly a moment of happiness in my life. An escape from the daily grind of the monotonous grind of my soul-killing job. That kind of situation?”

“Alright  sir, take a couple of deep breaths and calm down before we have to cuff you and put you in the back of the squad car for your own good.”

Joe stares at the two of them and considers if it would be worth it to just punch them both in the face, just to feel some kind of satisfaction or a moment of reprieve in this nightmare of a day. He decides he doesn’t want to sit in a jail cell or be cuffed in the back seat of these country bumpkins in police uniforms. “Yes, your right I need to take a couple of breaths and calm down.” He does just that, and he waits for them to continue the conversation.

“Alright sir, now let’s start from the beginning.”

“The beginning, well I’m assuming you mean from when I arrived at this hotel?”

“No, explain how you found a dead body in your room?” I arrived this morning and decided to go hiking, When I came back from hiking, I was exhausted and decided to take a nap. I noticed my bed was messier than when I left to go hiking earlier this morning. But as you can see this isn’t the Four Seasons Hotel. So, I just flopped down on the top of the bed and that is when I realized that I was not alone. There was someone under the covers.

I would be lying if I told you I was surprised because I wasn’t. I thought. Someone has wandered into my room by mistake and fell asleep or was dead drunk in my bed. Unfortunately, he turns out to be just dead. When I checked his breathing, he wasn’t breathing at all. And it was clear that the dirty, old man was dead, dead, dead. This is my room right here maybe you should have a look for yourself. And then Joe takes a deep breath and sighs. He could not imagine anything more horrific happening than already happened.

“Alright sir, please wait outside while we investigate the situation. Do not leave the scene of the crime.”

“Scene of the crime? How do you know there was a crime? The dead guy is old as dirt. And unfortunately for me, he wandered into my room and croaked in my bed.”

“Ok, sir we’ll be out of here as soon as we can. Wait here.”

“I will. I’m going to wait.”

After about twenty minutes the officers come out and close the hotel door behind them. The one who been doing all the talking before, says, ”so there seems to have been some kind of altercation in the room. Could you explain what happened?”

There hasn’t been any kind of altercation in the room, that’s how it looked when I arrived. In fact, this room is ten times better than the first room the “manager” showed me. The only difference is the addition of a crusty, old dead guy in the bed. And he arrived sometime after I went hiking and was bitten by a snake and went to the emergency room and came back here to the Third Circle of Hell.”

“We are going to have the detectives come in and investigate, look for any evidence of foul play. We will have to get your fingerprints to rule you out. And we will need all your contact information in case we need to ask you any further questions. I don’t know how long it will take, but you are going to have to get another room.”

“Another room, good grief. The stupid manager is never in his office. Well, if he doesn’t show up before you guys leave then I’m just going to have to see if there is another empty room and has an unlocked door.”

“Sorry, but you’re not going to be able to go into the room until I’m finished in there. The coroner will be here soon to take the body out. And then we will be looking for any signs of a struggle. If there isn’t any, we won’t be that long. Find a place to wait.”

Well, I guess I’ll try and take a nap, not much else to do since my ankle is killing me. Joe decides to call Emily and tell her the latest development. She will probably think he has lost his mind altogether. He takes out his cell phone and punches in Emily’s phone number. It rings a few times, but she doesn’t pick up. He leaves a short message. “Hello Emily, it’s me, Joe. I just wanted to let you know that due to an unexpected event I’ve had to move to another room. I’ll give you a call later Joe.’

Joe wanders up and down the path in the immediate area checking doorknobs to see if any of them are unlocked with no sign of the room is empty. He shutters to think what he may discover in one of the unoccupied rooms. After finding the first three rooms locked. He is ready to give up and sleep in his car. But decides to try one more door. And voila it is unlocked. He gingerly opens the door and looks straight ahead and then left to right. He calls out. “hello, is anybody in here?”

No one answers the door, so Joe turns the knob, and the door swings open. He takes a deep breath and enters the room with trepidation. Who knows what he may find in here? He looks from right to left and takes several steps forward. There is a single bed, that doesn’t have any sheets, blankets, or bedspread. He decides to venture closer to inspect the mattress. It has several suspicious stains, but no blood stains or signs of bedbugs. So that is a step up. And he did buy sheets and pillows and towels when he was out before this whole day from hell started.

He saw a small round table and a chair and behind that a counter with a coffee pot and upon closer inspection a dirty cup. He picks up the cup and takes it in the direction he imagines the bathroom is in. He shoves the door open with his foot and looks at the bathroom. There is a dirty sink and a dirty standing shower, no towels. The floor is dry, so he imagines no one has stayed here in the last twenty-four hours.

The mirror over the sink reflects a somewhat distorted image of himself. He has bags under his eyes, and his eyes look back at him as if he were a stranger. He goes back to the living area and decides that this room will do. As he leaves the room, he notes that on the outside of the door is the legend A 27. The 7 is hanging cockeyed because one of the screws is missing and when he closes the door behind him the seven falls to the ground. He lets out an ironic laugh. And heads back to his short-lived former room.

Joe sees a man who he suspects is the coroner and his assistant taking out the body of the unknown, old and crusty man. He wishes he could summon up some pity for this man, but he simply cannot. His last thought about the deceased is why the hell did he have to stumble into my room, my bed, and croak? He knows he shouldn’t feel this way, but he does. And he feels justified in his feelings and ashamed at the same time.

He watches the guys in white lift the gurney into the ambulance. And wishes the old man a Bon Voyage. And then lets out a laugh of sorts. He peeks into the room and calls out “ Can I please for the love of god, take my stuff out of the room? I found an empty room four doors down. He waits and finally, he sees the detective coming toward him. “Alright, come in. Don’t touch anything. Start getting your belongings, do not touch anything else. Nothing. Do you understand?”

“Yes, only take my own belongings, nothing else. I sent my contact information to you and my home phone number as well. Barring some other calamity, I’ll be here until the end of the week, I’m four doors down. I will be in the room the rest of the day. But hopefully, I’ll be up and around by tomorrow afternoon. Tomorrow night I have a date, please, please do not call me then. Can I go now?”

“Yes, but first let me say this. The Coroner believes that no foul play was involved, no sign of bloodshed or possible mayhem. It seems as if the old man was inebriated and possibly hit his head at some point, came into your room and passed out, or even had a heart attack or stroke. So, it looks like you’re in the clear. I will get in touch if I need any further information. Good luck I hope the rest of your vacation is an improvement over today. Take your stuff, nothing else and I’ll be in contact at some point if necessary.”

“Thanks, nothing personal, but I hope we don’t have to meet again or even speak, I plan on blocking this day from my memory. I can only hope the next days are an improvement. I can’t imagine what worse thing could happen.”
“Well, let’s hope that’s true. But probably I’m the last one you should ask because that’s all I ever see, the worse of mankind. Good Luck all the same.”

Joe walks over to his car and decides that although it isn’t parked that far from his “new” room he will drive it down and park it out front of the room. Otherwise, he’ll have to cart all his hiking equipment, camera equipment stuff from this room to the next. And why the hell would he want to do that on his one good foot?

After Joe parks his car, and slowly carries in all his equipment, and the sheets and towels, and supplies he needed he is tuckered out and decides to take a quick shower and take a nap. Today has been an unbelievably long day. He carries the towels and his personal bag into the bathroom and turns on the shower. There is a weird creaking noise and then a loud whining and a kind of a big bang. The water comes out in spurts, it is an odd color like rust or dried blood. “Holy Crap, will this never end?” He shouts.” And then it sounds like the pipes are vibrating he’s afraid they will burst and then there is a sudden silence, the water stops and starts a few times. And then the water comes out in a tremendous rush. Joe sticks his hand under the spray to gauge the temperature and it is ice cold. “Shit,” he says. And then undresses and grabs a plastic bag that the new towels came in and puts it on his injured ankle and ties it as far up as the bag will go.

He puts his good leg and then his bad leg in the shower and endures the coldest shower he has ever taken. It feels as if he is taking a shower outside at the North Pole. He soaps up and then hops on one foot, directly under the spray, and rinses off. His ankle doesn’t throb anymore at the moment since it feels like it’s frozen all the way through. “Dear god, I don’t think I can take one more moment. Will this ever end?”

Joe turns off the shower and grabs the new towel and puts his good leg out followed by the bad leg. He leans against the outside of the shower and dries himself as well as he can. And puts on his jockeys and sits on the toilet, he takes a look at his ankle and surprisingly doesn’t look that bad. The swelling has lessened, and it doesn’t look like the angry red that it previously exhibited. He disinfects the injury and wraps the Ace bandage around it. And then hops over to the bed on his good leg and flops on the bed and falls instantly asleep.

Joe is in the middle of a nightmare where he is in a pit filled with Copperhead snakes that are surrounding him and about to be attacked when he is awakened by his cell phone ringing. He is somewhat dazed and confused. He looks around the room and isn’t quite sure where or even when it is. He stares at the phone and doesn’t recognize the number, so he lets it go to voice mail.

He thinks I don’t even want to know why anyone is calling me. I can not take one bit of bad news. I’ve had enough. As he lies there, he considers becoming a monk who has taken a vow of silence and daily prayer who lives in a cave on some isolated island somewhere. He has all but lost his faith in humanity. He reflects on the unbelievably awful events of the last twenty-four hours. He can not imagine a worse vacation than this one. But then he pictures Emily’s beautiful face with her big blue eyes and rosy cheeks and her long red hair. And thinks, maybe it’s all worth it. Fate meant for us to meet, perhaps she is the one.

He groggily gets out of bed and looks at the clock it is almost six o’clock. For some reason he thinks, six o’clock, six o’clock I’m supposed to be doing something at 6 o’clock. And then his stomach growls and he remembers Chinese Food. He rolls to the side of the bed and carefully places both feet on the cold, wood floor. His ankle is still throbbing slightly, but he considers the alternative. It would be so much worse if he couldn’t feel his ankle or foot and then what amputation? He leans over and examines his ankle, still red, somewhat puffy, but not too terrible. He felt himself relax somewhat.

His stomach gives one final loud growl to remind him that he was starving. “Ok, Ok I’m going to get the food, calm down. It was a weird habit of his to talk t his stomach as if it were a separate entity from him. Joe pulls on clean socks and his underwear and pants and grabs a shirt from his suitcase and throws it on. As he was about to go out the door, he realizes he’s forgotten his wallet. He goes back to the chair where he threw his pants he wore earlier and retrieves his wallet and keys. Then he leaves to go and pick up the take-out Chinese food.

He gets in his car without incident and drives the ten minutes to the restaurant with no problems. His ankle still hurts when he presses the brake pedal. But he thinks considering everything that happened today, he can live with it. He has his fingers crossed that by tomorrow he would be much better, and he can continue hiking without any further incidents. Joe pulls into a parking space near the front entrance of the restaurant which is called Number One Chinese. He walks through the door that jingles as he opens it and when he closes it.

The same smiling man is standing at the counter as he was earlier in the day. He looks at him, and says, “Yes, can I help you?”

“Yes, thank you. My name is Joe Wadsworth. I placed an order this morning for take-out at 6 PM. I’m sorry I’m a little late, but I took a nap and just woke up.”

The smiling man says, “No problem sorry, it is ready. We kept it in the warmer, would you like anything to drink?”

“You know, would it be alright to eat here, rather than take out, my hotel room has a lot to be desired including a table and chair. And you know I would really like a tall glass of beer. “Saison, if you have it?”

“Of course, please have a seat and we will bring your dinner to the table along with the Saison. Anything else?”

“No, that sounds great, thank you so much. You are a breath of fresh air.”

The smiling man looks at him somewhat strangely and says, “of course, sir.”

Joe looks around and there is only one other table occupied. A couple is sitting there leaning in towards one another as if no other people existed. He looks at them someone enviously. And then sits at a table next to the wall opposite them.

As he’s waiting for his food and beer, he takes his cell phone out of his pocket to check for any further calls. Just the one call, with the name and a number he doesn’t recognize. He wasn’t surprised because he left a message on his phone that he was on vacation for the next week and would not be available. “Good.” he thinks.

As he sits there waiting for his food, he looks around the restaurant. It looks like the same as every other Chinese take-out joint, he has frequented over the years. Even has a small Koi pond next to the back wall near the table where the couple is sitting. He decides to hobble over there and take a look while he is waiting.

He glances at the young couple as he passes them and thinks for some reason the woman looks familiar, but that can’t be since he didn’t know anyone in this area at all. As he looks at the enormous Koi swimming gracefully around the pond. He begins to relax a little. He hears the couple whispering to one another. And he thinks, that’s so weird, her voice sounds so familiar. He decides to take a better look at her as he walks back to his table.

He turns towards them and he notices that the young woman sitting at the table has long red hair. He thinks, red hair, that’s weird that he would see two redheads I one day. And that is when it hits him. The voice of the young woman is familiar. It wasn’t just any redhead. It was “his redhead.”

He considers just passing them by and going out to his car. He just can’t take one more disappointment today, he just couldn’t. And then he thinks but maybe they are just friends, or maybe they just decided to share the table since they were the only two people eating in, stranger things have happened, haven’t they?

So, he walks straight over to the table and says,” Emily, is that you?”

She looks up and him. She smiles at him and then her expression changes dramatically when she recognizes him. Her smile disappears and her face becomes pale than red as a beet. “Oh, what a surprise to see you here. What are the chances that we would both end up eating at the same take-out?”

“Honey, this is the man I was telling you about earlier that I met while hiking. You know the guy that got bitten by a snake. Your name is Joe, right? Joe, this is my husband Thomas, he just arrived he had to catch up on some work before he met me at our hotel. Her face is looking pale again. I look at her, she looks back with kind of a pleading look in her eyes.

I said, “oh, yes of course. Nice to meet you.” And at that moment I heard the smiling man call out Joe Wadsworth, your dinner is ready”. You know I think I’ll take that out after all if you could just put that all in a box to go, I would appreciate it. Thanks.”

“Well, nice seeing you again, have a nice time.” And then I turn away from them and head up to the counter to pick up my food, and I think. If I had a gun, I might just shoot myself. Luckily, I didn’t so I just grab my take-out and pay off the smiling man and walk out the door without looking back.

As I get in my car I think, things can only go up from here. They just can not get worse. And that is when I notice my left, rear tire is flat.

 

 

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