Author Archives: Susan

THE NEW NEIGHBORS

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It was just an ordinary day in the neighborhood. I have lived here for almost six years when my next-door neighbor had recently put their house up for sale unexpectedly. We weren’t close friends. They were quiet and kept to themselves for the most part. When I saw the For Sale sign on their lawn I was shocked. But I guess I shouldn’t have been since. We waved at each other but never really said anything beyond, “hi, how are you doing?” We both always said, “fine.” in response but a little more.

At the time I was a stay-at-home Mom. Since both of my children were under five and hadn’t started going to school yet. I waited a long time to have children and I wasn’t in any rush to go back to work. My day was focused on taking care of my kids and tending to the house and garden. My days were busy day so I didn’t have much time to worry about what any of my neighbors were up to. Since most of the neighbors, kids were in school and the husbands and wives were working full time.

But after that For Sale sign popped up life changed. There was a string of young, middle-aged, and even a few older couples who came by with their realtors viewing the house for sale. It was the first time in about fifteen years since there was a house for sale in our neighborhood. Pennsauken was a great place for kids to grow up. It was a quiet street with little noise. People maintained their homes and gardens. The elementary and middle schools were within walking distance. There were two playgrounds nearby.

During the Summer neighbors had bar-b-ques and invited their friends and neighbors to stop by. While the adults talked and ate hamburgers the kids would swim in the neighbor’s pool. Everyone decorated their house on Christmas and Halloween. I didn’t realize how much I love it until things started to change and not for the better. And it all started the day my next-door neighbor put that For Sale sign up.

After about three weeks passed I happened to be outside hanging the laundry on the clothesline. “Yeah, that’s right I had clothes outside to dry.” Anyway, I noticed the For Sale sign next door had a sticker on it that said in bold, red letters, SOLD. After lunch, I started getting phone calls from the neighbors who lived nearby asking me if I knew who was moving next door to us. I said, “no, I hadn’t seen or heard anything”. It must have happened yesterday when I had taken my kids to visit their grandparents who lived two towns away.

About ten days later I noticed a moving van pull into our neighbor’s driveway all their worldly belongings were being loaded into it and the family members got into their respective vehicles without a how-to you do, or see ya later. And they had been our neighbors the whole time that we lived here. They didn’t even wave goodbye. I have to admit I felt kind of sad. I began to get a bad feeling about who or what kind of people they sold their house to.

Early the next morning I noticed a large moving van pull into the driveway next door. It was Deja vue only in reverse. Two movers began moving in the new owner’s furniture. I hoped that it would all work out and they would be a good match for our neighborhood.

Later I was outside sitting on our front porch and I saw some people getting out of their cars. There was a woman and two young children and two men. I decided to walk over and say hello and welcome them to the neighborhood. “Hello, my name is Sarah, I’m your next-door neighbor. I don’t want to take up too much of your time. I know you are busy. Welcome to the neighborhood. I’m right next door if I can help you in any way let me know.

The woman said, ” Hello, my name is Meghan Walters and this is my husband Paul and this is my boyfriend, Harry. And these are John and Rob, my kids.” My boyfriend, Harry is a cop in Merchantville.”

I stared at her momentarily. I thought I must have misheard what she said. But then I knew I hadn’t because she said twice this is my boyfriend, Harry. I really didn’t know what to say about that. So, I just said, “well, it was nice meeting you all. And I waved goodbye.”

I walked back to my front porch and plopped on the chair. And I kept thinking husband and boyfriend? What in the world is going on here? Good grief. As I was sitting on the porch I glanced over and I noticed that the new neighbor’s two kids were next to the curb. And the youngest boy had a rope tied around his neck and was sitting on a bike and the older boy was getting ready to push the bike from under him.

I jumped up off the porch and ran over to the two boys. And I screamed, ” what in the name of god are you doing? Are you trying to kill your little brother? That is when their mother, Meghan called out, “oh they always play like that they’re fine. Not to worry.”

I looked over at her and I yelled,” Is this some kind of joke? He was about to hang his little brother?”

“Like I said, they always play like that. “

That is when I leaned over the two boys and whispered to the older brother, “if I ever see you do this to your little brother, I’m going to make you very, very sorry. Do you understand?”

He looked at me and laughed. Laughed, he laughed! I walked away and didn’t look back I felt like I was in some kind of bad dream or something. I couldn’t imagine what was going to happen next. But I was about to find out.

Each day that went by something unexpected and unpleasant happened. And it always involved my new neighbors. And their close proximity to my home. Which heretofore was uneventful and peaceful. One day I took my children outside to play on their swing set and slide. Only to find that the swings were missing and the chains that held the swings were broken. I just couldn’t imagine what had happened.

Did someone come into my backyard and vandalize the swing set for some unknown reason. I just couldn’t imagine why anyone would do such a thing. My children start crying about their broken swings so I said, ” you know what I think it would be a good idea if we take a walk to the park. It’s such a nice day. What do you say?”

They immediately forget about the broken swings and want to go to the park. I found that distraction is something that always works when kids are upset about anything. So I said, “let’s go it’s a beautiful day for a walk in the neighborhood.” And in less than ten minutes we‘re at the park and the kids run-up to the swings and are laughing.

About an hour later I say, “time to go home and eat lunch. Who wants peanut butter?”

They both yell out, “I do, I do.” And we‘re on our way home. When we got back to our street we stopped at the candy store and I buy them both a pop cycle for after lunch. As we‘re walking past my new neighbors’ house I happen to notice what looks like our swings seats and the chains sitting on the front porch deck. I decide to give the kids lunch and put them down for a nap. I think it would be a good time to go over and have a talk with my new neighbor.

After the kids fall asleep I head downstairs to the kitchen. I wash the dishes and as I start putting them away I see that my neighbor has just pulled up into her driveway and her kids all but fall out of the back door of their car. The older boy grabs his little brother and starts throttling him with both hands around his throat. Meghan says absolutely nothing to either one of them. I open the kitchen door and double-time it across my driveway to her side steps. I yell, at Meghan at the top of my lungs to get her attention and hopefully to stop the homicide I see happening right in front of me.

“Hello, hello, Meghan. Sorry to intrude but someone came over into my yard earlier and broke my kid’s swing set. And I couldn’t help but notice that the swings and the chains are sitting on your front deck. “Oh, yeah, I meant to come over and apologize but I had to run some errands this morning. But you know boys will be boys. And you can only beat them so much. “

“What? Did you say you beat them?”

“Yeah, how else can you teach them?”

“I don’t think beating them changes their behavior. Has it worked so far?”

“Well, no. I guess not. But eventually, it might if I hit them hard enough.”

I looked at her and if looks could kill, she would be lying dead at my feet. Well, I’m going to take the swings and chain back to my house and I’ll ask my husband if he can repair the swings. Can I talk to your boys for a moment?”

“Yeah, go ahead but I have a doctor’s appointment in an hour. So, I don’t have much time to chit-chat. Do you know what I mean? I have a prenatal three-month visit. I hope I have a girl this time. I don’t think I can handle another boy. Say, could you watch my boys it will only be about an hour or so?”
“Prenatal visit? Oh sorry, I didn’t notice.

Congratulations. Sure, I can watch them for an hour or so.

“And maybe I’ll find out whose the lucky father? LOL

“Whose the lucky father?” Oh yeah, of course.” I blinked my eyes a couple of times. I was flabbergasted by the whole conversation. But I did know one thing I was going to get to know John and Rob and I was going to give them a safe haven to spend time in.

“How about they come over and have lunch at my house. And then they can play out back until you come home. I’ll sit outside with them it’s a beautiful day out isn’t it?”

And that my friends is how my daughters and Rob and John started a friendship that lasted for years. And when Meghan had her little girl. I took care of her on occasion. And when she got older. She would come over to my sidestep and keep me company while I was cooking dinner. She could talk my ear off.

Meghan and I just never hit it off. But I came to love her kids. At some point, her husband woke up and they got divorced. And somewhere along the way, her boyfriend went home and never came back. Meghan informed me that she was on the lookout for a new guy. Some people are incapable of learning from their mistakes. And Meghan was one of them.

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THE EARLY BIRDS GETS THE WORM

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As far back as I can remember my family has been telling me that I let my imagination run away with me. One family member actually had the audacity to tell me I was full of malarkey.

As a child, I would come home after playing outside with my friends and as soon as everyone was seated at the dinner table I would regale them with the adventures I experienced that day.

I always begin by saying, “wow you won’t believe what happened to me today.”

And then one night at the dinner table my oldest siblings said, “oh no, here she goes again with one of her wild stories. Mom, can’t you tell her to shut up? We can never eat in peace. You know she is full of bologna. There is no way that one person could have some crazy thing happen to them every single day of their life.

The weirdest thing that happened to me today is that my boss at Acme didn’t fire me. After I forgot to bring in the dairy delivery immediately after it arrived. He’s fires people for smaller mistakes. I consider it almost a miracle that I still have a job. But you don’t hear me telling you every night what awesome or strange thing happened to me every day do you?”

“Larry does not use that kind of language at the dinner table. And leave Sandy alone. She’s not doing any harm. She just has an active imagination. That’s all. She’s a very creative kid with a big imagination. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Yeah, imagination, sure. If anyone of the rest of us told so many lies, we would never hear the end of it.”

“He’s right Mom. You do favor her. She gets away with murder.”

“That’s enough Libby. How about we all just eat out dinner quietly.’

As a result, I never did get to tell them what happened to me. Every time I tried to bring it up. Someone would tell me to shut up, And my mother would say, “you are not allowed to say shut up in this house.

“Maybe I should start at the beginning. After I got out of school that day, I ran home. So that I could change out of my school uniform and into my play clothes. And then I ran over to my best friend’s house down the street. I banged on her front door. No one answered.

I banged and banged at the door for at least twenty minutes. I was about to give up and then I saw someone at the front window. She looked like a witch. Her hair was standing up in every direction. Her face had something sticky smeared across it. All the way up to her hairline. At first, I thought it was blood. The longer I looked I realized it was some kind of food on her face, maybe jelly. The window was half-opened she screamed out the opening, “help, help me they are keeping me, prisoner, here. Help, help, help.”

At first, I thought I better run away. She‘s some kind of witch, She‘s going to eat me. But then I saw tears slowly running down her face from her red, bloodshot eyes and down her wrinkled cheeks. And she kept wiping them away with the back of her hand. This further spread the jelly or whatever it was across her face. There seemed no end to her tears. I ran up to the front garden under the window and yelled up at her, “are you alright? Are you hurt? Do you want me to call the police?” She continued to moan and cry, “help me, help me.”

I decided to try getting into the house through the screen porch at the back of the house. My friend, Jilly lived there. But it didn’t seem like anyone else was home but this old lady. Jilly had told me that they never locked the back porch in case one of them got locked out of the house by mistake.

So I pushed it open and ran over to the kitchen door. I turned the knob and I was in. I stepped into the kitchen it smelled like pizza like it always does. My best friend‘s family is Italian and they eat spaghetti or lasagna or pizza almost every night. It always smells delicious in their kitchen. I called out, “Hello, hello where are you?” I could hear her crying from the living room. I yelled out, “hello it’s me, Sandy.”

Nobody answered me. So, I just walked quietly into the living room. I didn’t want to scare her. “Hi, it’s me, Sandy.” I saw her still looking out the living room window. I tiptoed up to her and said, “hi, I’m here. She screamed at the top of her lungs. I let out a scream myself. ” Good grief, you scared me half to death. Where is everyone? Why are you all alone? Where’s Jilly?”

She said, ” they left me all alone. They are keeping me a prisoner. They won’t let me out.”

I said, “let’s sit down in the kitchen. I know let’s eat a cookie. I saw some on the counter when I walked through there. Do you want a cookie?” She smiled for the first time.

“Yes, cookie, I want a cookie.”

I helped her sit down and pushed her chair in. We both sat quietly and ate the chocolate chip cookies. And then I said, “are you Jilly’s grandmother?”

“Yes. I’m a grandmother.”

“Are you living here now?”
“Yes, I’m living here. They left me all alone. I was taking a nap and when I woke up, they were gone. I was scared and lonely and all by myself.”

“Well, I‘ll stay here until they come home. Would you like that?”

“Yes, stay. I’m scared.”

We sat and ate our cookies for a while and I ask her what’s your name? She said, “my name is Alma. I came here a long time ago. I’m from Italy. We landed in New York City at the Statue of Liberty in 1905. We lived in Camden, New Jersey for many years. My husband was a tailor and he made suits for men. I had twelve children. They are all grown up and have children of their own. And some of their children have children. My husband died and now I’m all alone.”

“You’re not alone Alma. You live with your son, daughter-in-law, and two grandchildren. And now you have me, I’ll be your friend and I’ll come to visit you anytime you want me to. Maybe we could take a walk around the garden in the backyard. And there’s a big swing hanging from the Willow Tree that we could take a ride on. What do you say?”

“Yes, I say let’s take some cookies outside too. I love cookies.”

“Really I love cookies and candy. Next time I come over I’ll bring some cookies that my mom made. They’re oatmeal raisin. They are so yummy.”

Alma had a big smile across her face. And that’s when I saw Alma didn’t have any teeth. And I wondered how she could chew the cookies. I handed her two of the cookies and we sat down on the couch that was on the back porch. She finished her cookies before I did.

“Good, they’re good cookies. Give me more.”

“Maybe next time, I don’t want you to get sick.”

She smiled at me. And that’s when I heard my friend Jilly’s car drive up. It was an old car and it made a lot of noise. I said, “Alma your family is home. Do you want to go back into the house?”

She said, ‘no, I like it out here. It’s nice and there are a lot of birds and flowers. I used to have a garden when I lived in Camden in the front yard. I had all different kinds of roses. And we had a grapevine and my husband used to make his own wine. I miss that.”

“Maybe your son would let you have a garden here. And then you could go outside in the fresh air and not be stuck in the house all the time.”

“Yes, I would love to have a garden again. Let’s do that.”

And then I thought, oh no, I shouldn’t have told her that. Maybe they’ll say no. And then she’ll be sad again. “Alma, stay here. I’m going to run around front and tell them we are out on the porch. So, they won’t worry. I’ll be right back. Stay here.”

I ran out front and Jilly’s father said, “what are you doing here? Why are you here all the time?”

My friend Jilly’s father was a grouch, just like my father. I ignored what he said. And I said, “I was visiting Alma I heard her crying when I was knocking at the front door. And we were sitting on the back porch eating cookies. I told her I would bring her some of my mother’s cookies the next time I come over.”
“How did you get in the house Sandy?”

“I came in the back porch. Jilly told me it is always unlocked. And your mother and I were visiting on the porch and eating cookies. She said she wants to have a garden in the backyard. She loves flowers and grapes.”

“She did, she’s done nothing but cry since she got here. OK, let’s go see her on the back porch. We all marched around the yard to the backyard. Alma was sitting there quietly looking at the backyard. “Hello, Sandy said I could have a garden and work in the backyard.”

“She did Mom. That sounds like a great idea.”

And Sandy said, “she will come over and help me.”

“Well Mom, that sounds like a fine idea. And maybe Jilly can help you as well.”

And that is when I saw the most beautiful toothless smile appear on Grandmother’s face. That’s what she told me to call her, Grandmother. I never had a grandmother before. So, at least once a week I go over and help grandmother in the garden. And she tells me all kinds of stories about the olden days when she was growing up in Italy.

And that is how I made my second best, Alma. At least once or twice a week I go over to Jilly’s house and sit on the back porch and eat oatmeal raisin cookies with cold milk. And sometimes we go in the yard and work in the garden. I’m in charge of any worms we find. Because Alma is afraid of snakes. I keep telling her that these are just little worms but she doesn’t believe me.

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SURPRISE PACKAGE

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I was taking a shower when I heard the front doorbell ringing over and over. Whoever was at the door was persistent, to say the least. And there was no way I was going to throw a towel on and run down to answer the door. More than likely it was the Jehovah’s witnesses again. This would make their third visit in the last month. And I had already informed them that I was just not interested. 

I finally gave in and throw on my robe and slippers and run down the steps to see who was at the door. It sure as hell better be important or I was going to give them a piece of my mind.

I arrive dripping wet with a towel wrapped around my still soapy hair and wearing my ratty chenille robe that I’ve had since I was twenty. As I got to the door I see a delivery person with his back to the door and heading towards his vehicle that was illegally parked on my front curb. I yell at the top of my voice, “Hey buddy, hey buddy I’ll take the package I was in the middle of taking a shower.”

He turns around and sprints up to me. “Sorry for ringing the bell so much but this is the third time I came out here to deliver this package and it requires a signature. So, it must be something important.”

“Well, I’m sorry but I’m rarely home during the week. I’m a sales rep and I spend most of my time on the road visiting customers. So, I feel your pain. Sometimes I drive several hours just to find my customer isn’t in the office. Even though I had scheduled an appointment to see them at a specific day and time.”

He sighs, and says, “if you could please just sign this and I’ll be on my way. I’m going to be getting finished late again and my wife is going to be really pissed at me for being late again.”

“Sure, I hope the rest of your day goes well.” I sign the form and grab the package and he double-timed it to his truck. I think what a boring job. But then I think about it and realize that my job isn’t all that thrilling or interesting. And we all gotta do what we gotta do.

As I’m stepping back inside my front door and my robe flies open and my neighbor, Jeffrey gets flashed. He waves at me with a big smile on his face. He probably thinks I did it on purpose. I will never be able to look him in the face again. I think dear god, I can see this is going to be the day from hell.

When I get into the living room I put the package on the coffee table and decide I better get myself in gear or I‘m really going to be in hot water for being late. And we’re having our semi-annual sales rep meeting. People have been fired for much less. I fly up the stairs and into the bathroom and rinse the shampoo out of my hair and towel off. I blow-dry my hair and threw my clothes on. I grab my shoes and jacket and briefcase and out the door to my car and I‘m on my way.

The rest of the day goes by in a blink of an eye with one meeting after another. And by the time I arrive home I‘m exhausted and decide the package can wait until Saturday when I‘m off from work.

It was a rough week, but somehow I made it through. I got home late on Friday and fall into bed at 9:30 PM. The following morning I woke up with the nagging feeling that I had forgotten something important. I can’t put my finger on it. And then while taking my shower it comes to me. The package, the package I forgot all about it. After I towel off I throw my clothes on that I wear when I’m going to work in my garden. I double-timed it down the steps.

I grab the package and shake it. It sounds like something small is in there and fabric or clothes are muffling the sound of whatever else is in there. I try guessing what it is. I look at the return address. It’s from my parent’s lawyers. My parents passed away suddenly last year when they were involved in a multiple-vehicle accident on the New Jersey turnpike.

As soon as I realize it must have belonged to my parents I start to cry and choke up. The sudden loss of my parents was devastating. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. My parents were only in their early sixties and had just retired and were looking forward to many more years together. And now I had no living relatives left in the world. I never married and didn’t have any children. Every morning since I found out about my parent’s deaths I wake up and think how I’m an orphan and I don’t have single-loved ones in the world.

I sit there for ten minutes until I gather the courage to open up the box and look at the contents. I can’t imagine what it could be since their lawyer had said their estate was settled. I wondered why he didn’t call me and let me know there was some kind of outstanding business. And then I remember he had called me at home and on my cell and left me several messages asking me to return his call. I ignored the calls because I didn’t want to reopen that wound again. I couldn’t bear any further bad news.

I stare at the box and shake it again. And then I gather my courage and tear off the brown paper and open the box. I hold my breath and take out a letter which surprisingly bares my name in my mother’s handwriting. It says, Dear Angela if you are reading this letter it means that I am no longer living. I want you to know how much I love you and always have.

I should have told you about this a long, long time ago. When I was quite young about nineteen years old I fell pregnant. This was before I met your father. My parents were extremely strict and I was afraid to tell them I was going to have a baby. The father of the child was someone I met after I graduated from high school. He was drafted into the military. This was during the Viet Nam War. He was only twenty-two years old. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until after he left. I was devastated by his death. I didn’t know what to do. My parents figured out I was pregnant but it was too late to get an abortion. So, my parents took me to a place where young pregnant girls stayed until their babies were born and then they were put up for adoption.

I was told I would not be allowed to see my baby again. I had a difficult delivery and was heavily sedated during the birth by cesarean. I tried to move on after that since I really wasn’t given the choice of keeping the baby. About five years later I met your father and a year later we had you. I never told your father that I had a baby and gave him up for adoption. I was ashamed of getting pregnant and of giving the baby away.

After we had you I tried not to think of my first child. But he was in the back of my mind my whole life. I never really got over it. About five years ago I hired someone to find out where my son was living. It took about six months but I finally found that he was living in Philadelphia only about forty-five minutes from where we lived. I still didn’t tell your father. I know I should have told you both. But, what can I say I was a coward. I didn’t want you to think badly of me.

I left this letter with our lawyer and told him to give it to you if anything ever happened to me and I passed away. I have enclosed the address of your brother, who was named Joseph. His parents’ names are Helen and Robert McElliot. Your brother is six years older than you. I hope you will contact your brother and have the opportunity to get to know him. Since you have no other family. I know you will probably be angry with me, but I hope someday you will forgive me. All my love, Mom.

I read the letter over and over. I was having a difficult time comprehending the fact that my mother had this secret all of her adult life and never told anyone except her parents. Who also kept the secret. It was incomprehensible. I didn’t know if I was angry at my mother or not. I wish she had told me long ago. But she didn’t and the past can not be undone. But I knew one thing for sure. I was going to find my brother and contact him. I hoped with all my heart that he will want to meet me.

The rest of the day I kept picking up the phone and then putting it down. I couldn’t decide whether I should contact him by phone or just show up in person. But then I realized that I could probably find him on the internet. And then maybe I could get a better idea of what was the best way to get in touch with him. And sure enough, I found him and he only lived about forty-five minutes from my house. He was married and had a young child. I couldn’t believe it I had a brother, a niece or nephew, and a sister-in-law. I have a family. I wasn’t alone in the world anymore. This turned out to be the best day of my life.

And then I started wondering if he knew he was adopted. If he did, would he even want to meet me? I decided there was only one way to find out, and that was to get in touch with him. I found out he worked at a business that just so happened to be one of my company’s buyers. I decided that I was going to call his company and set up an appointment with Joseph McElliot as soon as possible.

I made an appointment for this coming Friday morning at 11:00 AM. I could hardly sleep the whole week. I couldn’t think about anything else. I wake up in the middle of the night and never get back to sleep. I took the whole day off. I waited outside his office until his office manager called me in. “Come right in, won’t you? Mr. McElliot this is Ms. Angela Brown.

“Hello, Ms. Brown what can I do for you?’

“Well, first I have to tell you that I came here under false pretenses. I do work for the company but I came here for personal reasons. I would like to show you some documents first and then I’ll explain why I’m here.“ I hand him the letter and documents my mother had given me.

Mr. McElliot looks over the documents. And then he sits back in his seat and takes a deep breath. “Well, this is certainly somewhat of a shock. I thought about searching for my birth parents for years. But I never did it. My parents, that is my adoptive parents were wonderful people. I’m sorry I didn’t pursue it now. I should have. Now I’ll never meet my birth mother. On the other hand, I was an only child since my adoptive parents weren’t able to have children of their own. And now I find out the wonderful news that I have a sister.”

Angela sighs in relief, she had been holding her breath the whole time he looked over her mother’s letter and the documents she had left Angela. “Really, oh I’m so happy to hear that. I don’t have any family left now since my parents passed away. Our mother was such a caring and loving person. I wish you had gotten to know her. You know you bear a striking resemblance to her. Would you mind if I gave you a hug? This is one of the most amazing days of my life. I’d love to take you out for lunch or dinner sometime soon. “

“I think that I’ll give my wife a call and tell her all about this. And you should come to dinner at my house and meet my wife and child. Because now you’re a member of my family and you’ll always be welcome there. What do you say?”

“I say unequivocally, yes, yes, yes.” And then the siblings give each other a warm embrace. And Robert says,”why are you crying, Angela? Surely this is a happy event?”

“Yes, one of the happiest. I will never forget it.”

“I hope that we‘ll create many happy memories in the future. Life has a way of coming up and surprising us when we least expect it, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it surely does, Robert. It really does.”

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BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

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All my life, I’ve tried to do the right thing. I’ve worked hard. In fact, I’ve never missed a single day’s work. And yet here I am in debt up to my eyeballs. Why, you may ask? Well, the fact of the matter is that my wife has an addiction. No, not a drug addiction.

She has an addiction to plastic surgery. It all started when someone jokingly mentioned to my wife that she shouldn’t put her chin down because she had a double chin. For the first couple of weeks, I caught her staring at her reflection in the mirror at her profile. And then, one day she came home from work, she informed me that she was getting a facelift.

I said, “What for Pamela? There’s nothing wrong with your face. I love your face the way it is. Please don’t.” 

I went on a business trip, and when I came back, Pamela’s neck and chin were wrapped in bandages. I stared at her for several minutes without saying a word. And then I all but screamed, “what have you done to yourself, Pamela?”

“What do you think? I got a facelift. And I think I’m going to get my nose done too and I’m going to have injections in my lips. My lips are too thin. I’ve always been self-conscious about it. My nose has a big bump in the middle. It’s awful. As soon as my face is healed, I’m getting my nose done. There’s no discussion. I already made the appointment.” And then she went into the living room and turned the TV on loud. She didn’t say another word for the rest of the day. I didn’t know what to say to change her mind. I went upstairs to our bedroom and unpacked my things. And sit down on the side of the bed. I really had no clue what to do. I was afraid of what would happen next.

The month went by before I knew it. I kept telling Pam, “I love you just the way you. Please don’t get the nose job done. But the following week, when I came home from an overnight work trip, she had a bandage across her nose, and her eyes were black and blue. It looked like she had been in a fight and came out the looser. I said, are you alright, Pam? Are you in a lot of pain? Please, please tell me you’re done now?”

” She said,’ I’m fine. Don’t fuss, Tom.”

When she finally had the bandages off and the swelling went down, I saw her nose looked utterly different. I was shocked. Not only did she have the bump on her nose removed, but her nose also looked narrower, and the tip of her nose was now turned up. I gasped when I saw it. “Pamela, you’re nose looks completely different. What did you do?”

“Well, the doctored suggested that my nose was too broad for my face. And perhaps I should consider getting it narrowed. And then I said, “yes, you’re right, it‘s really wide. And you know what? I always wanted to have my nose tipped up. And voila, I have the nose I’ve always wanted. Do you have a problem with it?”

I stared at her with my mouth opened. ” Problem? Yes, I have a problem you don’t even look like my wife anymore. Are you done now? Please tell me you’re done? I loved you the way you were. Please, please stop.

But she didn’t stop. I became reluctant to go on business trips. I obsessively checked her phone and calendar to see if she had scheduled a new surgery. I didn’t know what she might do to herself while I was away on business. I received a warning from my boss. I worked in the marketing department. Business trips are a part of your job. He said, “either do your job or start looking for another job.”

I didn’t have a choice. And I found that I was going on more business trips than ever. And sure enough, every couple of months, I would come home, and Pamela would have had some additional surgery. Sometimes she would have some liposuction done around her stomach or her thighs. And then Pam started getting implants. First, she had a breast lift and then implants. She didn’t stop with the first implants. She kept getting larger and larger implants. And then cheek implants. Because she always wanted high cheekbones. She no longer resembled my Pamela. The young woman I married. It was surreal.

About eight months after Pamela started the plastic surgery, my health insurance notified me that Pamela had far exceeded the limits of our health insurance policy and that they were not paying any new claims. I received a bill from Pam’s surgeon’s office stating that Pam had an outstanding balance of forty-five thousand dollars. I almost lost my mind when I read the outstanding balance.

I called Pamela and told her that we would have to have a serious conversation about her plastic surgery addiction. Pam had the table set and a wonderful dinner waiting for me when I got home. So I thought, great, she’s trying to make amends. She realizes that she can’t go on with these surgeries.

Pam didn’t want to discuss the doctor’s outstanding bill when I arrived home. She tried to put me off. And then she said, “Tom, I might as well tell you now, you’ll find out soon enough, but all our credit cards are maxed out too.”

“How much do we owe Pam? You better tell me now.”

“I don’t know exactly, but somewhere in the neighborhood of fifty thousand dollars.”

“Another fifty thousand dollars in addition to forty-five that we already owe?”

“Yes, that’s almost a hundred thousand dollars. Have you lost your mind?”

“No, a lot of people have plastic surgery.”

“Pam, this has to end. No more. If you get any more procedures. I’m done. I will file for divorce. You need therapy. This has gone too far. I don’t feel like I know you at all anymore.”

“Tom, you are overreacting. Calm down.”

“Calm down, have you lost your mind? You spent almost $100,000, and you think I should calm down. You need help. You are an addict. I can’t live with it anymore. No more plastic surgery. No more.”

“Well, Tom, I have already scheduled several more procedures. You can’t stop me.”

“I have stopped you already. I have canceled all the credit cards and taken your name off our bank accounts. I have informed the bank that you are no longer allowed to take any money out of my accounts. They are frozen, and you can not open any credit cards in my name. You have no credit. I’m done with your insanity. I’m done with you. I’ve contacted my lawyer and filed for a legal separation. You’re on your own now, Pam.”

“Tom, I promise I’ll be done after these last two procedures. Give me another chance.”

“No, Pam, I’ve given you every chance. And your fixation on the way you look is sick. I hope you find happiness and contentment someday. We’re finished. The next day I contacted my lawyer and told him to go forward with the divorce that we had irreconcilable differences because of Pam’s addiction to plastic surgery. And that she had spent all our money savings and destroyed my credit.

I hope that Pam will find happiness sometime in the future. She needs to believe in herself. That looks fade with time. And that she has value beyond her appearance. The week after I spoke to a lawyer, I found out that Pam had attempted to take a second mortgage out on our house. I contacted my lawyer, and he said, “you can’t get away from this woman too soon. She is out of control.”

So here I am six months after our divorce was finalized. I’m living in a small rented house. I still miss the old Pam. It’s almost as if she passed away. Because the Pam I knew no longer exists. Several friends have attempted to fix me up with single women they know. But I turn them down every time. I can not imagine going through this again. I’ve decided to get a dog instead. If we ever run into each other, I won’t even recognize her. What can I say, “life goes on.”

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ADVICE TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT

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Life offers each of us many challenges. Sometimes we are faced with several challenges in a single day. We become overwhelmed. And we have no clue on how to begin handling any of it.

Sometimes we find ourselves seeking advice from people we know that are older, wiser, or more experienced in life than we are. It is not unusual for us to ask for advice, but we don’t take it because we don’t like the advice we are given. It’s one of the odd quirks of human nature. And then, of course, occasionally, we are on the receiving end of unsolicited advice.

And having said that, it reminds me of a friend I had many years ago. Her name was Alicia Palmer. We went through elementary and high school together. And we parted ways for four years when we went on to different colleges. Throughout our early childhood and through high school, we were as close as two peas in a pod. We didn’t have any secrets from each other. In the first two years at the university, we kept in touch and then nothing.

And then I found out through the grapevine that Alicia had gotten herself pregnant unintentionally by her college boyfriend Gregory. And she dropped out of college and went home.

When I went home on Spring Break, I decided to see my old friend Alicia. She was back home with her parents. I didn’t call her first because I knew she probably didn’t want me to know about her pregnancy since she didn’t call me in the last couple of months. During the short drive to her house, I decided I would offer her all my love and support and nothing more.

I knocked on her door several times, and no one answered. There were two cars in the driveway, hers and her mother’s. Her parents had divorced while she was in middle school. I don’t think Alicia ever got over it. Her father married a much younger woman, and they now had two young kids. Her father didn’t keep in contact with her. I always felt that something deep down broke in Alicia after her father left. Maybe it would have turned out better if he still maintained his relationship with Alicia.

I kept knocking. I knew eventually one of them would answer the door. They knew from experience that I was relentless. And once I made up my mind about doing something, I never gave up. I began ringing the doorbell and yelling at the top of my voice, “I know your in there. You might as well answer the door because I’m just going to stand here all day knocking and ringing the bell.” I waited, and finally, Alicia came to the door.

“I knew it was you when the knocking went on and on. And then the doorbell started ringing non-stop. Come in already, why don’t you.”

I stepped inside the door, and Alicia closed the door behind me. I held open my arms and said, “come over here and let me hug you. I’ve missed you so much.”

Alicia looked straight into my eyes and then stepped into my open arms. We hugged each other for at least two minutes and then stepped back. We looked at each other, and we both started crying.

“Let’s go sit in my room where we can have some privacy.”

I followed Alicia up the stairs and to the left. I knew Alicia’s house like it was my home. I had probably spent more time here than at home. Alicia closed the bedroom door behind her, and we flopped on her bed just like old times. The bed still wasn’t made. Alicia’s mother was not much of a housekeeper, and neither was Alicia. But it wasn’t always that way. After Alicia’s father left and her parents divorced, her mother had to work two jobs. Sometimes she didn’t get home until late. They often ended up eating take-out pizza.

Alicia didn’t say anything at first. She kept wiping tears off her cheek. I waited quietly. I took her hand in mine. I waited. And then Alicia said, “Kelly, I know you must be mad at me for not keeping in contact. I’m sorry. I was so lonely at college. I had trouble making friends. So, when Gregory came along. I fell for him hard. We spent all our time together. I stop caring about school and all my plans for the future. All I did was think about him all the time. I failed two classes the semester I started dating him.”

And things just went downhill after that. And then the next thing I knew, I got pregnant. Gregory said he wasn’t ready to be a father. He said he still felt like he was a kid himself. I didn’t know what to do. I considered getting an abortion. But I kept putting it off, and then before I knew it was too late. So, I called my mother and told her. And she said, “Alicia come home.” And here I am, twenty years old and six months pregnant. I’m so ashamed and disappointed in myself.”

“Alicia, first, I want to tell you to give yourself a break. We all make mistakes. It’s not the end of the world. And please remember that there are people who love you. I love you like the sister I never had. And your Mom might be upset right now. But things will get better. I’ll be here for you the whole time. I promise.”

“What? You have to go back to school, don’t you?”
“I’m taking the Summer off from school and getting a part-time job. And the rest of the time, I will stick to you like glue. You’ll get sick of me. What do you say?”

“You would do that?”

“Of course, I would. And you know what else? I got a scholarship for the next two years, so I don’t have to pay for the classes. My parents have agreed to pay the rest of my expenses, including my rent for my apartment, off-campus. That’s right off-campus. And you can come live with me. I can help you with the baby. What do you say?”

“I would love it. Maybe I could take a class or two and catch up since I failed my last semester.”

“I think that would be awesome.”

“Kelly, I was so sure you would be mad at me for making so many mistakes. And that you would be disappointed because I got pregnant. And think I was pathetic. I couldn’t face you and admit what a failure I was and how stupid.”

“Alicia, you should know better than that. I’m your friend, and I always will be. We all make mistakes. It’s not my job to judge you or anyone else for the choices they made in their lives. You should see some of the losers I’ve dated.”

“So, Alicia, how did your mother take the news?”

“She’s upset. However, she has tried to hide it. She said she would go along with anything I decided to do. I know she is disappointed about me dropping out of school. She asked me if I wanted to end the pregnancy. I told her I was too far along, and she started crying. Then she hugged me and said, “everything will be OK.”  She contacted my dad, and he said, I want nothing to do with it.”

“He did? Wow, that’s cold. But maybe he’ll change his mind at some point because it will be his grandchild after all?”

“Maybe, but I’m not holding my breath. He hasn’t been much of a father to me. But I guess I’ll wait and see what happens after the baby comes. After the baby came, I never thought I would say that. I never really thought about being a mother before. I have no clue how to be a parent.”

“I don’t think anyone does. I guess you take it one day at a time. And you love the baby no matter what. And I know I will too.”

“Kelly, you’re the best. I was so afraid that you would tell me what to do and what I shouldn’t have done and thought I was stupid and that most of all, you would be disappointed in me.”

“Alicia, do you remember when we were little, and we would pinky swear that we would be friends forever. And that we would always be there for one another. Well, I meant it. Friends Forever. How about we talk to your Mom and tell her what we’re going to do. What do you say?”

“I say, yes, let’s go talk to my Mom. She will be so happy to see you. I should never have doubted you, Kelly. Friends forever.”

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ONLY TIME WILL TELL

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The girl looked very young but there was something about her that chilled me to the bone. She was somewhat smaller than the average ten-year-old child. So at first, I thought she might be younger. She had dark circles under her eyes. Everything about her exuded anger and sadness and defeat. Her shoulders were hunched. Her lips were pursed tightly. She shuffled into my office. She had an expression that looked both defiant and defeated at the same time. It was clear that here was an extremely unhappy young girl.

I stepped forward and took her hand in mine. Her hand was warm to the touch. Unlike her stare which was cold. “Shall we go into my office and have a seat?”

She walked into my office and looked around and said, “so you’re a doctor. But what kind of doctor are you? Your office doesn’t look anything like my regular doctor’s office where I usually go for a check-up.”

I was somewhat taken aback by her demeanor and the maturity of her question. “Amelia please take a seat. Well, Amelia, your mother has explained to me that you are having a hard time adjusting to school. Is that true? Are you having a hard time getting used to being in school and making friends?”

Amelia looks up at me and then over at the chair and she says, “I ‘d rather stand.”

I responded, “please take a seat, Amelia.”

She glared at me. Are you were having some difficulty adjusting to school? What do you think is the problem?”

“I don’t have a problem. The other kids are annoying. They make too much noise. It’s hard to hear the teacher. They can’t seem to sit quietly in their seats. They interrupt the teacher. One kid is always raising his hand to ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with what the teacher is talking about.”

“So this kind of behavior makes you feel mad. Is that correct?”

“Yes, of course, it makes me angry. What did you think? Wouldn’t it make you angry if your patients kept interrupting you while you were talking?”

“Well, Amelia, sometimes people have to ask questions when they don’t understand what is being said? Or sometimes they ask questions out of curiosity.”

Amelia stared straight into my eyes. And I could tell she was now angry at me because I offered an alternate reason than what she said. In fact, it seemed as if Amelia was having difficulty dealing with authority if they didn’t agree with her point of view. She seemed to have little patience for the less advanced students in her class.

“Amelia, tell me how you feel right now.”

“I feel mad.”

“And what do you want to do when you’re angry?”

“I want to tell you to shut up. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“What happens in your classroom when one of the other students disagrees with you?”

“I get really mad. I want to hit them. Usually, I just sit there and don’t say anything else. And then later if we are out in the schoolyard. I go over and tell them they need to shut up. If they say anything else I hit them or pinch them or kick them in the leg.”

“And then what happens?”

“My teacher or an aid comes over and takes me to the principal’s office and I get in trouble. They call one of my parents and they have to come to the school and take me home. This last time they told my mother I couldn’t come back to school for a week or until she took me to the doctor. I guess that’s why I’m here talking to you since you’re not a real doctor.”

“There are different kinds of doctors Amelia. I am a doctor that treats children and adolescents and sometimes families that are having difficulty functioning in school and at home sometimes. I talk to them and they tell me how they are feeling and what’s going on in their lives. What kinds of things are happening in your life Amelia outside of school? Can you tell me what are things like at home?”

Amelia glares at the doctor. And if looks could kill, he would be dead on the floor just from her look of hate and resentment. “Amelia I know it’s difficult to talk about things that are happening that you have no control over. Can you please try and tell me? I promise that this is just between me and you. And that I will find a way to make things better for you, at school and at home. Do you think you can trust me?”

“No, why should I? No one ever tells me the truth? When I ask my mom or dad if everything is OK they always say, yes. But then later at night, I can hear them yelling at one another. So, I know they’re lying to me. How can I trust someone that lies to me?”

“Amelia, I can understand why you don’t trust them. But they probably think they are protecting you by not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps it would help if your parents came in with you the next time you come to see me. And then you can all try to talk to each other about what is really going on. What do you think?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Amelia, let’s make a deal shall we? Can you promise to try to behave in the classroom if I can have your parents come in with you on your next visit to talk about everything that is happening in your family?”

“I don’t know. They might both get angry at me for telling you what is happening at home.”

“Well, it’s true. They might get mad at first. But maybe after they come here and you all talk together, things will improve at home. We can create a plan to deal with stress and learn how to discuss things without fighting. What do you think? Don’t you think if things at home got better you wouldn’t feel so upset at school all the time?”

Amelia looked at me and nodded her head up and down. And a tear rolled down her cheek and down her chin. “OK Amelia, I’m going to ask you to go sit in the waiting room while I call your mother in and I have a little conversation with her. Don’t worry she won’t be mad at you. She wants things to get better for you. Or she wouldn’t have brought you here to talk to me.”

Amelia looked at me and I could see a glimmer of hope come into her eyes as she nodded her head up and down. The next time Amelia had an appointment her parents came in with her. I spoke to her parents first. They both related how much they loved Amelia but that she could be a difficult child. Because she was so moody. They also admitted that as a couple they had their own difficulties.

Their problems were complex and would take a long time to overcome but I believed it was possible. We discussed different tactics they might try to resolve their issues. This included couple’s therapy. They also related that there were financial problems that evolved over several years. When one of them had to stay at home with Amelia before she was old enough to attend school. And they couldn’t afford child care and didn’t have family who could care for Amelia while they worked.

I gave them a name of a family financial advisor who would help them set up a budget and they could start paying off some of their long-standing bills including credit card debt. They had only been paying the minimum payment each month and their debt would never be resolved. They blamed each other for the debt. But in reality, they both used credit cards whenever they ran short of money.

The next time I saw Amelia she seemed less stressed and less angry. “How are things at home Amelia?”

“I guess it is getting better. My parents aren’t fighting as much. And my mother found a job that pays more and my dad was able to change from his night shift job to day time. So they see each other more. They still have arguments, but not every day and they aren’t screaming anymore. They are trying to talk to each other when they are not tired.”

“And how are you doing in school?”

“Well, I haven’t gotten in trouble since the last time I saw you. I still don’t have any friends. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t think anyone likes me. I’m trying to do all my school work. But sometimes I need help because I don’t know how to do the math or spell.”

“Alright Amelia, it seems like things are getting better. And that is great. I know that you are doing your best. I believe I will talk to your teachers and your parent about getting a tutor to help you catch up with your work. Especially the subjects you struggle with like math and spelling. What do you think?”

“OK, but I don’t want any of the kids to know how stupid I am. I don’t want them to know I have to have a tutor. They will make fun of me. They hate me.”

“No one will know about the tutors except your parents and teachers. And they are not allowed to tell anyone else about it. Does that make you feel better? And finally, I want you to know that the other kids don’t hate you. But it will take time for you to make friends with the kids in school. Why don’t you find one kid who doesn’t have any friends and talk to them.”

“Well, there is one girl who just started going to school there. She doesn’t know anyone yet, maybe I could try being friends with her. Her name is Samantha. She came from another state. Her father is in the military and they have to move around a lot,”

“That seems like an excellent idea, Amelia. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing. Keep up the good work. Can you ask your mother to come in? I would like to talk to her for a few minutes before you go?”

“OK, bye Doctor Freedman. See you next time.”

“Good morning. how are you? Amelia seems to be doing much better in school and she is being cooperative with her treatment. She has agreed to have a tutor to help with her school work. I think once she starts doing better in school her negative feelings about herself will start to resolve. She is a bright young lady but she has low self-esteem and she believes all the kids hate her.”

“I know doctor, but her behavior has improved immensely and she is being more cooperative in school. Her grades are going up a little. I have been trying to help her with her homework and studying. I think a tutor would be a big help. Thank you for arranging for that.”

“You’re welcome. How are you and your husband doing?”

“Since we are on a budget now. We are slowly getting the bills paid and even some of the credit card debt. My boss says that my performance at work has improved and he is considering giving me a better job and a raise. So now my husband and I are not so stressed out about money and we rarely have arguments at all. We try to discuss things calmly instead of yelling at each other.”

“I have to say I am impressed by how much progress you have all made. I think if things continue in the direction you are going Amelia will not have to come here to speak to me as often. Perhaps you will only need to come once a month for the next six months. And then maybe every six months unless she develops some new issue she needs to talk about.”

“Really doctor, that’s wonderful. I can’t thank you enough. Amelia is like a new girl. She hasn’t gotten in trouble at school for weeks, she is doing her homework. And best of all she doesn’t seem so sad and angry anymore.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. I want you to know that if any problems arise that you need to discuss please feel free to contact me at any time. Please tell your husband that he can call me at any time as well. Take care until I see you next time.”

“Thank you doctor for all you’ve done.”

“You’re welcome, but the fact is that you and your husband and Amelia love each other and did all the hard work yourselves. But I was so happy to help you in whatever way I was able to. Take care. I’ll see you soon.

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ONLY TIME WILL TELL

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The girl looked very young but there was something about her that chilled me to the bone. She was somewhat smaller than the average ten-year-old child. So at first, I thought she might be younger. She had dark circles under her eyes. Everything about her exuded anger and sadness and defeat. Her shoulders were hunched. Her lips were pursed tightly. She shuffled into my office. She had an expression that looked both defiant and defeated at the same time. It was clear that here was an extremely unhappy young girl. 

I stepped forward and took her hand in mine. Her hand was warm to the touch. Unlike her stare which was cold. “Shall we go into my office and have a seat?”

She walked into my office and looked around and said, “so you’re a doctor. But what kind of doctor are you? Your office doesn’t look anything like my regular doctor’s office where I usually go for a check-up.”

I was somewhat taken aback by her demeanor and the maturity of her question. “Amelia please take a seat. Well, Amelia, your mother has explained to me that you are having a hard time adjusting to school. Is that true? Are you having a hard time getting used to being in school and making friends?”

Amelia looks up at me and then over at the chair and she says, “I ‘d rather stand.”

I responded, “please take a seat, Amelia.”

She glared at me. Are you were having some difficulty adjusting to school? What do you think is the problem?”

“I don’t have a problem. The other kids are annoying. They make too much noise. It’s hard to hear the teacher. They can’t seem to sit quietly in their seats. They interrupt the teacher. One kid is always raising his hand to ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with what the teacher is talking about.”

“So this kind of behavior makes you feel mad. Is that correct?”

“Yes, of course, it makes me angry. What did you think? Wouldn’t it make you angry if your patients kept interrupting you while you were talking?”

“Well, Amelia, sometimes people have to ask questions when they don’t understand what is being said? Or sometimes they ask questions out of curiosity.”

Amelia stared straight into my eyes. And I could tell she was now angry at me because I offered an alternate reason than what she said. In fact, it seemed as if Amelia was having difficulty dealing with authority if they didn’t agree with her point of view. She seemed to have little patience for the less advanced students in her class.

“Amelia, tell me how you feel right now.”

“I feel mad.”

“And what do you want to do when you’re angry?”

“I want to tell you to shut up. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“What happens in your classroom when one of the other students disagrees with you?”

“I get really mad. I want to hit them. Usually, I just sit there and don’t say anything else. And then later if we are out in the schoolyard. I go over and tell them they need to shut up. If they say anything else I hit them or pinch them or kick them in the leg.”

“And then what happens?”

“My teacher or an aid comes over and takes me to the principal’s office and I get in trouble. They call one of my parents and they have to come to the school and take me home. This last time they told my mother I couldn’t come back to school for a week or until she took me to the doctor. I guess that’s why I’m here talking to you since you’re not a real doctor.”

“There are different kinds of doctors Amelia. I am a doctor that treats children and adolescents and sometimes families that are having difficulty functioning in school and at home sometimes. I talk to them and they tell me how they are feeling and what’s going on in their lives. What kinds of things are happening in your life Amelia outside of school? Can you tell me what are things like at home?”

Amelia glares at the doctor. And if looks could kill, he would be dead on the floor just from her look of hate and resentment. “Amelia I know it’s difficult to talk about things that are happening that you have no control over. Can you please try and tell me? I promise that this is just between me and you. And that I will find a way to make things better for you, at school and at home. Do you think you can trust me?”

“No, why should I? No one ever tells me the truth? When I ask my mom or dad if everything is OK they always say, yes. But then later at night, I can hear them yelling at one another. So, I know they’re lying to me. How can I trust someone that lies to me?”

“Amelia, I can understand why you don’t trust them. But they probably think they are protecting you by not telling you the whole truth. Perhaps it would help if your parents came in with you the next time you come to see me. And then you can all try to talk to each other about what is really going on. What do you think?”

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Amelia, let’s make a deal shall we? Can you promise to try to behave in the classroom if I can have your parents come in with you on your next visit to talk about everything that is happening in your family?”

“I don’t know. They might both get angry at me for telling you what is happening at home.”

“Well, it’s true. They might get mad at first. But maybe after they come here and you all talk together, things will improve at home. We can create a plan to deal with stress and learn how to discuss things without fighting. What do you think? Don’t you think if things at home got better you wouldn’t feel so upset at school all the time?”

Amelia looked at me and nodded her head up and down. And a tear rolled down her cheek and down her chin. “OK Amelia, I’m going to ask you to go sit in the waiting room while I call your mother in and I have a little conversation with her. Don’t worry she won’t be mad at you. She wants things to get better for you. Or she wouldn’t have brought you here to talk to me.”

Amelia looked at me and I could see a glimmer of hope come into her eyes as she nodded her head up and down. The next time Amelia had an appointment her parents came in with her. I spoke to her parents first. They both related how much they loved Amelia but that she could be a difficult child. Because she was so moody. They also admitted that as a couple they had their own difficulties.

Their problems were complex and would take a long time to overcome but I believed it was possible. We discussed different tactics they might try to resolve their issues. This included couple’s therapy. They also related that there were financial problems that evolved over several years. When one of them had to stay at home with Amelia before she was old enough to attend school. And they couldn’t afford child care and didn’t have family who could care for Amelia while they worked.

I gave them a name of a family financial advisor who would help them set up a budget and they could start paying off some of their long-standing bills including credit card debt. They had only been paying the minimum payment each month and their debt would never be resolved. They blamed each other for the debt. But in reality, they both used credit cards whenever they ran short of money.

The next time I saw Amelia she seemed less stressed and less angry. “How are things at home Amelia?”

“I guess it is getting better. My parents aren’t fighting as much. And my mother found a job that pays more and my dad was able to change from his night shift job to day time. So they see each other more. They still have arguments, but not every day and they aren’t screaming anymore. They are trying to talk to each other when they are not tired.”

“And how are you doing in school?”

“Well, I haven’t gotten in trouble since the last time I saw you. I still don’t have any friends. I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t think anyone likes me. I’m trying to do all my school work. But sometimes I need help because I don’t know how to do the math or spell.”

“Alright Amelia, it seems like things are getting better. And that is great. I know that you are doing your best. I believe I will talk to your teachers and your parent about getting a tutor to help you catch up with your work. Especially the subjects you struggle with like math and spelling. What do you think?”

“OK, but I don’t want any of the kids to know how stupid I am. I don’t want them to know I have to have a tutor. They will make fun of me. They hate me.”

“No one will know about the tutors except your parents and teachers. And they are not allowed to tell anyone else about it. Does that make you feel better? And finally, I want you to know that the other kids don’t hate you. But it will take time for you to make friends with the kids in school. Why don’t you find one kid who doesn’t have any friends and talk to them.”

“Well, there is one girl who just started going to school there. She doesn’t know anyone yet, maybe I could try being friends with her. Her name is Samantha. She came from another state. Her father is in the military and they have to move around a lot,”

“That seems like an excellent idea, Amelia. I’m so proud of how well you’re doing. Keep up the good work. Can you ask your mother to come in? I would like to talk to her for a few minutes before you go?”

“OK, bye Doctor Freedman. See you next time.”

“Good morning. how are you? Amelia seems to be doing much better in school and she is being cooperative with her treatment. She has agreed to have a tutor to help with her school work. I think once she starts doing better in school her negative feelings about herself will start to resolve. She is a bright young lady but she has low self-esteem and she believes all the kids hate her.”

“I know doctor, but her behavior has improved immensely and she is being more cooperative in school. Her grades are going up a little. I have been trying to help her with her homework and studying. I think a tutor would be a big help. Thank you for arranging for that.”

“You’re welcome. How are you and your husband doing?”

“Since we are on a budget now. We are slowly getting the bills paid and even some of the credit card debt. My boss says that my performance at work has improved and he is considering giving me a better job and a raise. So now my husband and I are not so stressed out about money and we rarely have arguments at all. We try to discuss things calmly instead of yelling at each other.”

“I have to say I am impressed by how much progress you have all made. I think if things continue in the direction you are going Amelia will not have to come here to speak to me as often. Perhaps you will only need to come once a month for the next six months. And then maybe every six months unless she develops some new issue she needs to talk about.”

“Really doctor, that’s wonderful. I can’t thank you enough. Amelia is like a new girl. She hasn’t gotten in trouble at school for weeks, she is doing her homework. And best of all she doesn’t seem so sad and angry anymore.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. I want you to know that if any problems arise that you need to discuss please feel free to contact me at any time. Please tell your husband that he can call me at any time as well. Take care until I see you next time.”

“Thank you doctor for all you’ve done.”

“You’re welcome, but the fact is that you and your husband and Amelia love each other and did all the hard work yourselves. But I was so happy to help you in whatever way I was able to. Take care. I’ll see you soon.

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ALL IN A DAY’S WORK

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It had been a long, long day for Marie. She wearily plops down on the worn and tattered seat. Her legs and feet ached from the eight hours of standing in one place. Add to that the mind-numbing experience of making sandwiches all day, day after day for five years.

She stares out the dirty bus window wishing that one day she would wake up and find herself somewhere else doing anything else other than making sandwiches for forty hours a week at minimum wage.

Marie must have drifted off to sleep for a while

because when she woke up, there was someone’s head nestled on her left shoulder. And not only was he sleeping and snoring, but he was also drooling. Ordinarily, Marie tried to treat everyone with kindness. But this was just too much. And she gave the man a mighty shove, and his head flopped over in the other direction, and some old man accidentally smacked into him while he was walking down the aisle.

The sleeping man woke up with a start and yelped. His eyes popped open. He had no idea what had happened to him, but his neck and back hurt suddenly. He didn’t know if he was hurt intentionally or accidentally. But he was not happy. He yelled out as loudly as possible. “what the hell is happening?” Several people snickered, and the rest put their heads down. They learned over their many years of riding public transportation that it was better to keep your head down and mind your own business if you knew what was good for you.

Now everyone had their head down now as the injured man ranted and raved at anyone and everyone. “If I find out who done this to me, I will kick their ass up and down Federal Street. I will make you sorry for the day you were born. You are a dead man; I promise you that.” Then he stood up and looked around the whole bus as if he could detect who the wrongdoer was by sight or by smell, perhaps.

Marie was afraid of what would happen next. She regretted her behavior the moment after shoving the man’s head off her shoulder. Marie had never acted like that before. She wanted to apologize, but it was too late. She shrunk down into her seat and tried to disappear. She considered pulling the cord to stop the bus so she could get off before things got out of hand. It seemed as if many of the other passengers had the same idea as there was suddenly a mass exodus from the bus at the next stop. The man was eyeing everyone closely to see if he could determine who the culprit was.

Marie tapped her victim on the shoulder and said, “excuse me, but this is my stop. Would you mind if I got off now?”

He said, “what? Oh, you want to get off. Did you see who pushed me?”

“No, I didn’t. I hope you are alright? Can I get past you, please?”

The man stood up and let her pass. Marie hoped she never had to see him again. She certainly learned a lesson. As she descended the steps to the sidewalk, everyone on the bus looked at her. Because the regulars knew this wasn’t her stop. And they realized that either she was the one who pushed him, or she was terrified to sit next to him any longer.

He seemed intent on finding out who shoved him. Marie waited for the bus to continue down the street and then waited at the corner to take the next bus to her usual stop. Her heart was still pounding from fear. But she had learned a lesson for sure. Keep your head down and your hands to yourself no matter what happens.

When she finally arrived at her stop and took a deep breath. What a terrible day it had been. It certainly set a new low. As Marie walked down the street towards her apartment, she thought I have to make a change. I can’t go on like this anymore. Life is too short. Marie arrives at the door to her apartment building and unlocks it, and steps inside.

Her apartment is on the second floor. She gets her mail and starts walking up the steps. She is so thoroughly disheartened that she doesn’t know if she has the energy to climb the steps. She has to stop twice to take a deep breath and finally makes it. Marie unlocks her door and steps inside. It feels like she has been gone for a week instead of a day.

Marie takes her coat off and throws it over the back of her couch. And plops down in the middle, and she immediately realizes that she forgot about the spring under the middle cushion sticking up, and she yelps from the sudden, unexpected pain. “Well, serves me right,” Marie says out loud.

Marie knows she should look in the refrigerator for something to eat for dinner. But she decides to heat a can of soup in the microwave. She opens the cabinet and realizes that she needs to go food shopping and the one and only remaining can is beans. Marie knows beans will upset her stomach and her stomach is already in a knot. And she doesn’t want to be up all night from a stomach ache.

Marie doesn’t hold out much hope for something to eat in the refrigerator, but she takes a look anyway. She finds a hot dog but no hot dog roll. There is a hamburger roll, so she nukes the hot dog, cuts it in half, and shoves it into the hamburger roll. When Marie takes a seat at her kitchen table, she almost falls onto the floor because she forgot about the broken leg on her chair.

Marie stares at the hot dog in the hamburger roll and decides she deserves better than this. She has worked hard every day of her life since she aged out of the foster care system at seventeen. She tosses the hot dog sandwich into the trash, grabs her purse, and heads to the door. She closes the door behind her and heads back down the steps. Her stomach is growling with a vengeance now since she hasn’t eaten a thing all day.

As Marie steps back outside her apartment building, she looks to the right and the left. She sees a sign down the street that says, “GRAND OPENING.” She heads in that direction. The street is crowded with people headed home from work.

 She’s almost at the new shop when she hears someone call out her name, “Marie, Marie wait up.” She turns around to see who is calling her name and it is one of the tenants from her apartment building. She can’t remember her name. She decides to wait up for her. Marie suddenly recalls the woman’s name is Sarah. She doesn’t really know her. Even though they have both lived in the building for over ten years.

“Hello, Marie are you going to eat at the new restaurant today?”

“Yes, I was. I don’t have any food left in my place and I don’t have the energy to go food shopping today.”

“Do you mind if I join you? I get so tired of eating alone and not having anyone to talk to.”

“Yes, sure. That would be nice. I get tired of eating alone too. There is a short line outside the restaurant. So, they stand there and wait their turn. “Well, it is a nice day outside at least. I hope we don’t have to wait too long. So, Marie, I don’t think I ever asks you before but where do you work?”

“I work in a sandwich shop.”

“What, your kidding? Do you like working there?”

“No, I’m sick of making sandwiches all day. I should look for another job that pays more. It just seems like by the end of the day I just don’t have any energy.”

“I hear you. I felt that way for a long time and then I decided to start looking for a new job that paid better. It took me about a month I applied for every job in the area that had an opening. And I finally found a great place to work.”

“You did? What kind of job did you find?”

“Well, I found a job working in a shelter for homeless people. I know that sounds depressing but I love it. I feel like I’m really making a difference in other people’s lives. And I realized that my life isn’t as bad as I thought. I have a nice apartment, I can pay my bills. I have my cat who keeps me company.”

Marie looks at Sarah and says.” I guess you’re right. Things could certainly be worse. It must be awful not to have a place to live or even a place to sleep every day. I can’t imagine how stressful that must be.”

“Oh good, it’s our turn to get a seat. I could eat a horse, Sarah. I’m that hungry.”

Sarah laughs and says, “well I don’t think that will be on the menu.” And they both sit down at the nearest empty table and pick up a menu.

“You’re right Sarah it’s not on the menu. But spaghetti and meatballs are and that’s my favorite dinner.”

“You’re kidding mine too. I’m so glad I ran into you today. I don’t know why we never did this before.”

“Hey, they serve wine here. Would you like to share a bottle, Marie?”

“Well, I’ll have a glass maybe, I haven’t eaten all day and I rather not get drunk. I’m not used to drinking.”

“So Marie, there is an opening at the shelter do you think you like to come to fill out an application. The pay is pretty good and there are health benefits too. All the people that work there are nice. What do you think, interested?”

“Well, I don’t know. What am I saying, of course, I’m interested. I hate my job. It’s boring and tedious. I have to stand all day. Yes, please. Can I give them your name as a reference? Believe it or not, I don’t really know that many people even after living here for ten years. I just go to work and come home. I rarely go anywhere except food shopping.”

“Well, Marie you won’t be bored working there. And like I said, everyone that works there is nice. They care about other people. And at the end of the day, you feel like you are really making a contribution and helping people. Oh good here comes dinner.”

They both eat quietly, Marie said, “wow, that was so good and the prices are great. maybe I should go out to eat more often.”

“Well, I would like to go out to eat more often too. So how about you and I plan on going to eat together at least once a week?”

“Really, Sarah that would be great. Let’s see what’s for dessert. Marie picks up the menu again and says,” Cheesecake. I haven’t had that in years.”

“Oh, I love that too. Order two, my treat. Say, Marie, I’m on a bowling team and we are down one person. She moved to New Jersey. Do you play?”

“Well, when I was a kid, I was in a bowling league. But that was a long, long time ago.”

“So, it’s great fun. How about it? We meet every other Thursday night at the Bowlarama on 4th street. We can take the bus from the corner?”

‘Really, that sounds fun. Yes, I would love that.”

“Wow, that cheesecake was the best. How about taking a walk. It’s such a nice night? You can tell me about your day.”

“My day well, it was boring as usual until the bus ride home. Well, that’s a long story I’ll tell you while we’re walking…..

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