Author Archives: Susan

YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE IS WHAT GIVES YOUR LIFE MEANING

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It has been six months since I signed my final divorce papers were signed. This could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on whether you want a divorce or not. I was not the one seeking a divorce. It never even occurred to me that I would ever get a divorce. I married for life.

And then, two days before our twenty-fifth anniversary, my husband sent me an email from work. An email, can you believe it? And it said, sorry Cassie, but I can no longer live this lie. I haven’t loved you for a long time. Life is short. I’ve found my true love, and I have filed for divorce. I hope you will find “real” love and happiness in the future. I know this is the best thing for both of us. My lawyer will be contacting you.

Divorce papers

 

My first thought was, oh that Charlie, he’s such a joker. And then I laughed and laughed. I kept laughing up until I decided to go upstairs to our bedroom and check his closet. It was empty except for his old slippers that had a hole in the sole of the right slipper. I must have stared at the empty closet for fifteen minutes. Until I finally realized that if this was one of his jokes, it wasn’t funny at all. Then I grabbed my cell phone and called Charlie’s cell. The message said, phone number disconnected. I called his boss’s office and asked, “did Charlie come to work today? “Oh hello, Cassie,” no, of course not, didn’t Charlie tell you he was transferred to the Milwaukee office. Today is his first day there. But, you knew that already I’m sure.”

“Oh yes, of course, he did. It slipped my mind. I’ve been so busy. He forgot to give me his new cell number could you give me that. I have to tell him something important.”

“Of course, I’ll text it to you right now. However, he might still be on the road. I was surprised that you didn’t show up for his Bon Voyage party yesterday. We missed seeing you. “

“Oh yeah, the Bon Voyage party. I have been running around like a crazy person trying to get ready for the move. Take care, and I’ll talk to you soon.”

I ended the call, and then I plopped down on the floor and cried like a baby for a good hour. I felt like my heart actually broke. It was beating very hard, painfully hard. I thought I might be having a heart attack. I cried until I ran out of tears. I was having trouble breathing. I think I must have passed out for a while.

When I came to my senses, I was splayed out on the floor. I crawled over to the bed and pulled myself up. The little voice inside my head was screaming, “how could you be so stupid? All the nights that Charlie stayed at work ’till midnight. He slept on the couch all night and told me he had work to do on the computer and didn’t want to keep me up. He barely gave me a peck on the cheek when he left to go to work or for a work trip. How could I be so stupid?” Of course, he was having an affair. I just wouldn’t let myself see it.

Charlie and I were high school sweethearts, the prom King, and Queen. We attended the same university together. Sophomore year we moved into an efficiency apartment together. We were inseparable. We were so happy with just the two of us that we decided that we didn’t want children. We agreed that our lives were complete with just him and me. And now here I am twenty-five years later. No Charlie, no kids, just an empty house and me. And that is when it occurred to me that Charlie would probably hire his best friend Kevin Gipson, the most cutthroat divorce lawyer, to represent him, and I would be left with nothing.

Two hours later, I was sitting in the office of Mary Cunningham. She and I attended the University of Penn together. She attended law school and headed her own top-notch firm. And I majored in Biology, and for the past ten years, I have dedicated my life to saving our environment, and it has been an uphill battle the whole time.

And what this tells you is that I am not a person that gives up easily or ever. I will fight up until I breathe my last breath. But because of my commitment to saving the planet, I am often absent or missing in action, as Charlie says at least once a day. He kept telling me that I was an absentee wife. Charlie doesn’t believe a woman’s career is as important as a man’s. I disagreed.

Six months later, we met at Charlie’s lawyer’s office. He sat there looking like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. He even smiled at me and said, “I hope you are doing well.”

As soon as I looked at him, I felt bile rise in my mouth. I asked if I could get a drink of water. And like magic, it appeared in front of me in less than a minute. I swallowed hard and took a deep breath. At least he didn’t try to extend the conversation. I felt like leaping across the table and choking him. I tried to calm myself. I knew things would only go from bad to worse if I lost it, even for a minute. I looked at him again, and he looked like a total stranger to me. The Charlie I loved and cherished just didn’t exist any longer. I knew I was mourning a marriage that had died a long time ago when neither of us was paying attention.

My lawyer, Mary Cunningham, was having a conversation with Charlie’s lawyer. I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying to each other. I tried to calm myself. I felt like everything that had happened in the last month was out of my control, Charlie’s departure and the end of my marriage. It was as if everything was fast forward, and I had no way of controlling either the direction or how quickly things happened. I felt lost and empty.

After about a half-hour of debate between the two lawyers, they completed an agreement of equitable divorce.  We each had our investments. I can live in the house until we sold it. Then we will divide the proceeds of all our assets except for those in our possession before our marriage. The lawyers shook hands, and so did Charlie and I. It felt so anti-climatic. As if it was a Fourth of July Fireworks Celebration and all the fireworks were duds. Charlie stood next to me and shook my hand and said, “no hard feelings Cassie, I hope you will find happiness in the future. And oh, by the way, Barb and I are going to have a baby. I thought you should hear it from me.”

“A baby, a baby? You told me you never wanted or needed to have children. That the two of would always be enough. “

Well, feelings change. And besides, Barb wants to be a stay-at-home mom with the baby. She feels that women that have children should raise them and not shuttle them off to daycare and babysitters. She believes having a child is a commitment, not a choice.”

“Oh, is that right, Charlie. Well, good luck to you both. I feel as if I’m talking to a stranger. I don’t know what else to say. Congratulations on the baby. My lawyer will contact you regarding the sale of our house; I mean the house. Goodbye.”

Some part of me wanted to reach out and hug him one more time. It all seemed so unreal to me. I felt my lip quiver a bit, and I was afraid I was going to start bawling in front of Charlie and the lawyers. And that’s when Charlie reached out and pulled me close to him and said, “I’m so sorry for hurting you. I didn’t plan any of it. It just happened. I felt like you left me a long, long time ago. I wish only the best for you in whatever your future brings to you.”

I took a deep breath and swallowed, and managed to hug him back. I couldn’t believe it would be for the last time. “Goodbye, Charlie. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t miss you. I will. I do wish you happiness as well. Goodbye, take care.

And I turned around and shook Mary Cunningham’s hand and said,” I’ll contact you when our house sells. I was just offered the lead position with the Office of Global Change in the Department of State. I believe I will finally be able to make a real difference now.”

“Cassie, I wish you only the best. I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you. I know that you will do great things in your life. And I will be able to say I knew you when.”

Then we shook hands and turned and walked in different directions. I didn’t hear from him again until his baby was born, and he sent me a picture. I congratulated him. And I was truly happy that he had a life that made him truly happy as he seemed to be.

And I was happy in my work, which was always paramount to me. I knew that whatever happened now would make a difference not just to me but to the world at some level. I got ready for bed because tomorrow would bring me more challenges, and I would meet them.

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THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE

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FIRST APARTMENT

First Apartment

I quietly rolled the car down the driveway and into the street before pausing for one last look at my old bedroom window. It was a difficult decision to make. I lived here my entire life. But it’s time. Time for me to finally become independent. But still, it was hard. I love my parents. And I know they love me, but they are so overprotective. They make me feel like I’m incapable of making the smallest of decisions on my own.

They don’t feel like I’m ready to live in the big, bad city. They’re afraid I might get raped, robbed, or murdered. They kept reading me articles from the newspaper reporting the high incidents of drug addicts waiting on every corner of downtown Philadelphia who will rob you.

I assured them that I had been going to Tyler School of Art every day for the past two years and somehow survived without a bodyguard. I’ll be fine. My apartment is only a block away from school, and I can take the bus or the subway all around the city. And all my friends live a bus stop away.

I remind them that I will see them when they come by my apartment in a couple of days because they are coming to Philly to pick up my car and take it back home since it is too expensive to keep a car in the city.

As I pull out into the street, I see my parent’s faces pressed up against the kitchen window and waving frantically at me. I wave back with a big smile on my face. I see my mother wipe a tear from her cheek. That tearing rolling down her face almost makes me change my mind. I’ve never been able to bear seeing my mother cry. But this time, this time is different. I grit my teeth and wave again. And I don’t look back. I head towards the Ben Franklin Bridge and my future as a newly semi-independent adult.

After being stuck in the morning traffic jam for a good half hour, I cross the bridge and head towards my apartment, which is within walking distance of Tyler. It’s an old building, everything around it looks old. There are beautiful sections of Philadelphia, but this isn’t one of them. I manage to get a parking spot across the street from my new apartment, which is a miracle. Apparently, one of the overnight parkers just left as I drove into the lot. I see this as a good sign. Owning a car in the city is expensive. It makes more sense to take public transportation than pay through the nose to park your vehicle overnight. That’s why my car is going to be living at my parent’s house.

I will have to make several trips from my car to my apartment. I have all my clothes, and books, and art materials to bring inside. My parents helped furnish the place with stuff that they bought at yard sales and estate sales. They are good at finding bargains. They even got me dishes and silverware and kitchen stuff. When I arrive at the steps to my apartment, I see what appears to be a homeless guy sitting on the stoop. He moves to one side when he realizes I am going up the steps. I say,” hello. He asks do you have any spare money?” And I say, “Sorry, I’m a student and don’t have any extra money.” I unlock the door and head up the steps. I see a discarded needle on the top step. I’m so glad my parents didn’t come with me today, or they would have dragged me home.

By the time I arrive on the third floor, I’m out of breath. I promise to start exercising as soon as I get settled. I know at twenty years old, I shouldn’t be getting out of breath after only going up two flights of steps.

I have a little trouble unlocking the door as it’s an old building. And probably built at the turn of the century, and the door looks it. I finally jam the key in and manage to turn it. I have to pull the door closed with both hands. I shove all my stuff in with my foot since I had to put it down to unlock the door. The guy in the apartment next to me sticks his head out. His hair hangs down to his waist, and he has a beard almost as long. Oh, my mother is just going to go nuts when she sees him. The whites of his eyes are blood red. He looks like he hasn’t slept in ten years.

“Hey, welcome. My name’s Steven Corson. I work at night and sleep during the day, so I would appreciate it if you kept the noise down.

“Well, I’ll be at school during the day, but I can’t promise there won’t be any noise since my friends from Tyler School of Art will be visiting me because Tyler is right around the corner.”

He nods at me and says, “good luck. I hope you’ll like it here.” And he pulls his head back into his apartment and closes the door, and I hear him slide the deadlock in place. That reminds me that I need to do the same once I get all my stuff up here this morning. I think I’ll get an extra key made so one of my friends can hold it just in case I lock myself out or lose my key. I would get one made for my parents, but I don’t want to come home to find them sitting in my living room.

I made several trips from my car to the apartment, and when I made the final trip, I sat down on my new, old couch and took a deep breath. I say out loud, “this is the first day of the rest of my life.” And I smile. I look around my apartment. My parents came over one day and cleaned it from top to bottom. It will probably be a good month or two before I clean it again. And that’s me being optimistic.

I walk over to the kitchen if you can call it a kitchen. It has one counter with a refrigerator on one side, a hot plate and a toaster oven and a sink, no dishwasher. Oh, and a small cabinet under the counter for cleaning stuff. I look in the cupboards, and I see I have an old set of dishes, six glasses, and five used coffee cups. In the overhead, there’s cereal, dry potatoes, and some canned food. The fridge has milk, juice, butter, bread, cheese, and lunch meat, hot dogs and frozen hamburgers, and fudge bars in the freezer, which is my favorite dessert. I will have to thank my mom. As much as she gets on my nerves, she does more for me than anyone ever has.

I head toward the bathroom. It’s tiny, a standing shower, towel rack, sink, toilet, and a small cabinet under the sink with some cleaning products and paper towels. My mom left two sets of towels and washcloths. I go into the bedroom, and it looks even smaller than when I checked it out the first time because my parents brought my bedroom furniture over. Which include my single bed, dresser and side table, and a lamp. The living room has an old couch and my beanbag from my bedroom and my tv and computer. The closet is the biggest thing in the apartment, and hopefully, I will be able to fit all my art stuff and all my other junk. I will have to start looking for a chair for my bedroom on the street nearby. People in this area move in and out a lot. And often, they leave some of their furniture on the curb. I will have to keep my eyes open on my way to and from Tyler.

I spent the next few hours arranging things to my liking when I noticed that my stomach was growling. I stand next to the open door of the refrigerator to see if there is anything I want to eat. I was about to settle on a hamburger when I heard someone banging on the door, and then the banging got louder. I hear laughing. I two-time it to the door. Because the next thing I know, my neighbor will be complaining about the noise waking him up.

“OK, OK, I’m coming.” I unlock the door and pull it open, and what do you know? It’s three of my friends from Tyler holding a pizza box and a six-pack. “Come on in, but you have to keep it down cause the guy next door works at night, and he’s sleeping.”

They are laughing their heads off. They must have had some beer on the way over. I laugh at them. Then we are all laughing, and then I hear a banging on the wall from my neighbor, who doesn’t appreciate all the hilarity. I put my finger up to my lips. And then they start laughing again. “Come in, come in. Thanks for bringing the pizza. My stomach was growling, and I didn’t feel like eating a hamburger.”

They all start milling around the apartment. “Hey, this is great. We can crash here sometimes when we have a big project to do, and we have to stay up all night and work on it. And then we have to walk around the corner to school.” They all start clapping. The guy next door bangs on the wall again. They laugh. I laugh. The guy next door isn’t going to get any sleep today. Well, he must have been young once.

We decide to watch a movie on my computer. We settle on The Vast Of The Night, which is a scary- sci-fi movie. We start watching the movie and scarfing down the pizza, and guzzling the beer. We scream at all the scary parts and sometimes laugh hysterically. I’m laughing so hard that a piece of pizza shoots out of my mouth all the way across the room. And this brings on another round of hysterical laughter and banging on the wall.

After the movie, we decide to play Fortnite, and this is a game of elimination. The ideal ending is one character is left alive, and everyone else is murdered. We love this game and would play it all night if possible. In the middle of the game, my friend Jamie decides to get some more beer and snack food. When he returns, we start a new round of eating and drinking and laughing our heads off. My neighbor has given up on banging on the wall and has come to the door to complain in person.

He says, “Hey, I can’t get any sleep with all this racket. He looks furious, but when he sees that we are playing Fortnite, he says,’ excellent, can I join in? This is my favorite game.”

“Yeah, sure, and we just got more beer and snacks. Have a seat. “

And that, my friends, was the first night of the best three years of my life. And you only have one life. You should live it to the fullest. Whatever that means to you.”

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THE FIRST DAY OF THE REST OF MY LIFE

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FIRST APARTMENT

I quietly rolled the car down the driveway and into the street before pausing for one last look at my old bedroom window. It was a difficult decision to make. I lived here my entire life. But it’s time. Time for me to finally become independent. But still, it was hard. I love my parents. And I know they love me, but they are so overprotective. They make me feel like I’m incapable of making the smallest of decisions on my own.

They don’t feel like I’m ready to live in the big, bad city. They’re afraid I might get raped, robbed, or murdered. They kept reading me articles from the newspaper reporting the high incidents of drug addicts waiting on every corner of downtown Philadelphia who will rob you.

I assured them that I had been going to Tyler School of Art every day for the past two years and somehow survived without a bodyguard. I’ll be fine. My apartment is only a block away from school, and I can take the bus or the subway all around the city. And all my friends live a bus stop away.

I remind them that I will see them when they come by my apartment in a couple of days because they are coming to Philly to pick up my car and take it back home since it is too expensive to keep a car in the city.

As I pull out into the street, I see my parent’s faces pressed up against the kitchen window and waving frantically at me. I wave back with a big smile on my face. I see my mother wipe a tear from her cheek. That tearing rolling down her face almost makes me change my mind. I’ve never been able to bear seeing my mother cry. But this time, this time is different. I grit my teeth and wave again. And I don’t look back. I head towards the Ben Franklin Bridge and my future as a newly semi-independent adult.

After being stuck in the morning traffic jam for a good half hour, I cross the bridge and head towards my apartment, which is within walking distance of Tyler. It’s an old building, everything around it looks old. There are beautiful sections of Philadelphia, but this isn’t one of them. I manage to get a parking spot across the street from my new apartment, which is a miracle. Apparently, one of the overnight parkers just left as I drove into the lot. I see this as a good sign. Owning a car in the city is expensive. It makes more sense to take public transportation than pay through the nose to park your vehicle overnight. That’s why my car is going to be living at my parent’s house.

I will have to make several trips from my car to my apartment. I have all my clothes, and books, and art materials to bring inside. My parents helped furnish the place with stuff that they bought at yard sales and estate sales. They are good at finding bargains. They even got me dishes and silverware and kitchen stuff. When I arrive at the steps to my apartment, I see what appears to be a homeless guy sitting on the stoop. He moves to one side when he realizes I am going up the steps. I say,” hello. He asks do you have any spare money?” And I say, “Sorry, I’m a student and don’t have any extra money.” I unlock the door and head up the steps. I see a discarded needle on the top step. I’m so glad my parents didn’t come with me today, or they would have dragged me home.

By the time I arrive on the third floor, I’m out of breath. I promise to start exercising as soon as I get settled. I know at twenty years old, I shouldn’t be getting out of breath after only going up two flights of steps.

I have a little trouble unlocking the door as it’s an old building. And probably built at the turn of the century, and the door looks it. I finally jam the key in and manage to turn it. I have to pull the door closed with both hands. I shove all my stuff in with my foot since I had to put it down to unlock the door. The guy in the apartment next to me sticks his head out. His hair hangs down to his waist, and he has a beard almost as long. Oh, my mother is just going to go nuts when she sees him. The whites of his eyes are blood red. He looks like he hasn’t slept in ten years.

“Hey, welcome. My name’s Steven Corson. I work at night and sleep during the day, so I would appreciate it if you kept the noise down.

“Well, I’ll be at school during the day, but I can’t promise there won’t be any noise since my friends from Tyler School of Art will be visiting me because Tyler is right around the corner.”

He nods at me and says, “good luck. I hope you’ll like it here.” And he pulls his head back into his apartment and closes the door, and I hear him slide the deadlock in place. That reminds me that I need to do the same once I get all my stuff up here this morning. I think I’ll get an extra key made so one of my friends can hold it just in case I lock myself out or lose my key. I would get one made for my parents, but I don’t want to come home to find them sitting in my living room.

I made several trips from my car to the apartment, and when I made the final trip, I sat down on my new, old couch and took a deep breath. I say out loud, “this is the first day of the rest of my life.” And I smile. I look around my apartment. My parents came over one day and cleaned it from top to bottom. It will probably be a good month or two before I clean it again. And that’s me being optimistic.

I walk over to the kitchen if you can call it a kitchen. It has one counter with a refrigerator on one side, a hot plate and a toaster oven and a sink, no dishwasher. Oh, and a small cabinet under the counter for cleaning stuff. I look in the cupboards, and I see I have an old set of dishes, six glasses, and five used coffee cups. In the overhead, there’s cereal, dry potatoes, and some canned food. The fridge has milk, juice, butter, bread, cheese, and lunch meat, hot dogs and frozen hamburgers, and fudge bars in the freezer, which is my favorite dessert. I will have to thank my mom. As much as she gets on my nerves, she does more for me than anyone ever has.

I head toward the bathroom. It’s tiny, a standing shower, towel rack, sink, toilet, and a small cabinet under the sink with some cleaning products and paper towels. My mom left two sets of towels and washcloths. I go into the bedroom, and it looks even smaller than when I checked it out the first time because my parents brought my bedroom furniture over. Which include my single bed, dresser and side table, and a lamp. The living room has an old couch and my beanbag from my bedroom and my tv and computer. The closet is the biggest thing in the apartment, and hopefully, I will be able to fit all my art stuff and all my other junk. I will have to start looking for a chair for my bedroom on the street nearby. People in this area move in and out a lot. And often, they leave some of their furniture on the curb. I will have to keep my eyes open on my way to and from Tyler.

I spent the next few hours arranging things to my liking when I noticed that my stomach was growling. I stand next to the open door of the refrigerator to see if there is anything I want to eat. I was about to settle on a hamburger when I heard someone banging on the door, and then the banging got louder. I hear laughing. I two-time it to the door. Because the next thing I know, my neighbor will be complaining about the noise waking him up.

“OK, OK, I’m coming.” I unlock the door and pull it open, and what do you know? It’s three of my friends from Tyler holding a pizza box and a six-pack. “Come on in, but you have to keep it down cause the guy next door works at night, and he’s sleeping.”

They are laughing their heads off. They must have had some beer on the way over. I laugh at them. Then we are all laughing, and then I hear a banging on the wall from my neighbor, who doesn’t appreciate all the hilarity. I put my finger up to my lips. And then they start laughing again. “Come in, come in. Thanks for bringing the pizza. My stomach was growling, and I didn’t feel like eating a hamburger.”

They all start milling around the apartment. “Hey, this is great. We can crash here sometimes when we have a big project to do, and we have to stay up all night and work on it. And then we have to walk around the corner to school.” They all start clapping. The guy next door bangs on the wall again. They laugh. I laugh. The guy next door isn’t going to get any sleep today. Well, he must have been young once.

We decide to watch a movie on my computer. We settle on The Vast Of The Night, which is a scary- sci-fi movie. We start watching the movie and scarfing down the pizza, and guzzling the beer. We scream at all the scary parts and sometimes laugh hysterically. I’m laughing so hard that a piece of pizza shoots out of my mouth all the way across the room. And this brings on another round of hysterical laughter and banging on the wall.

After the movie, we decide to play Fortnite, and this is a game of elimination. The ideal ending is one character is left alive, and everyone else is murdered. We love this game and would play it all night if possible. In the middle of the game, my friend Jamie decides to get some more beer and snack food. When he returns, we start a new round of eating and drinking and laughing our heads off. My neighbor has given up on banging on the wall and has come to the door to complain in person.

He says, “Hey, I can’t get any sleep with all this racket. He looks furious, but when he sees that we are playing Fortnite, he says,’ excellent, can I join in? This is my favorite game.”

“Yeah, sure, and we just got more beer and snacks. Have a seat. “

And that, my friends, was the first night of the best three years of my life. And you only have one life. You should live it to the fullest. Whatever that means to you.”

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THE SUMMER I MET MY BEST FRIEND

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The ancient house with the wildly overgrown garden is silent and secretive. It has been over fifty years since I lived in this town. I lived on Fellowship Road. My backyard faced Wilke’s backyard.

Old House

I can’t believe that this house is still standing, mostly intact. As I peruse my childhood memories from the early 1950’s, I remember Wilke’s house looked decrepit then. I  simply can not understand how it still exists. Everything around it has changed. Almost all the homes on Poplar Avenue have either been replaced by newer homes or updated and look unrecognizable.

I have such wonderful memories of sitting under our Willow tree on a hot Summer’s day reading a Nancy Drew mystery. Dreaming about my distant future when I too could become a famous female detective and solve crimes.

Occasionally while I was reading, Mrs. Wilkes would beckon me from her yard. There was shrubbery between Wilke’s backyard and ours that served as a fence that divided the two properties. But I could hear her calling out my name, “Sandy come over here. I have something to give you.”

And I would jump up and run over up to the bushes. And she would be standing there with her toothless smile and her shining, green eyes. Her long gray hair would be braided and wrapped around her head. Sometimes she would braid a blue ribbon in her braid. Occasionally she would add a rose or daisy from the garden she had in her backyard. I thought she was beautiful.

On this particular afternoon, she said to me, “Sandy would you do me a favor and taste this chocolate cookie for me? I have trouble chewing them. And I want to make sure they taste good. My grandson, Francis is coming to stay with us for the summer.”

“Sure, I would be happy to taste it.” She held out a cookie to me in her crooked and gnarled hand. I took a huge bite. “I think this is the best cookie I’ve ever had. Francis will like it. I can’t wait to meet Francis.”

I love looking at Mrs. Wilke’s backyard. The Wilkes spend almost all their free time working outside in the garden whenever the weather is warm. On the other side of the hedges, they planted a rose garden that follows a winding path throughout their back yard and continues into their front yard. There are over fifty different kinds and colors of roses. I know because one day, Mrs. Wilkes asked me if I would like to come into her backyard and smell all her beautiful roses. The aroma was overwhelming. And bees and butterflies are always visiting her garden.

On her side of the bushes, there are morning glories that bloom all summer. Early in the morning, I would run out to the bushes in the backyard to see what color the morning glories were that day. And I would pick one and give it to my mother.

My mother would put it in a glass of water and place it on the kitchen window windowsill. They are my favorite flowers. But the most beautiful thing in her garden was an ancient Weeping Willow tree that stood twenty feet taller than their old house. Mrs. Wilkes told me that it was planted by Mr. Wilkes’s grandfather, and it was the oldest tree in our town.

I love visiting Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes because they always had time to listen to me. They would sit quietly while I told them one of my stories. The summer that their grandson Francis spent there was one of the greatest summers I ever had. Francis was about ten years old, and he had bright red hair with freckles sprinkled across his face. His ears stuck out on either side, and the other kids used to make fun of him. He had the same beautiful green eyes that his grandmother had.

I spent the entire morning that Francis was supposed to arrive sitting in my backyard and reading a book. Somehow I know that Francis is going to become my best friend. I keep looking up from my book. it’s a Nancy Drew book called The Clue From The Old Wall. And it was really exciting. Nancy was protecting a treasure that was hidden in an old wall from thieves. I love reading Nancy Drew’s books because girls are hardly ever portrayed as heroes in all the books I read.

I’m having a hard time concentrating because I keep looking over at the Wilke’s to see if their decrepit old pickup truck is pulling into their dirt driveway. Their truck is so old that all the paint had been worn off by the rain, snow, and wind. But somehow I believe it is the most beautiful truck I’ve ever seen.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, I hear them coming down Poplar Avenue. I know it’s them because I could hear their truck before I see it. It backfires every couple of minutes. It sounds like it is on its last legs, but somehow it keeps going just like the Wilkes. They pull into their driveway and slowly descend from their seats. I see a red-headed boy jumping down out of the bed of the truck with a small suitcase. That is being held closed by what looks like an old belt.

I practically jump over the bushes and manage to get scratched from head to toe. But I don’t care. I run through their backyard and up to the front. I’m yelling at the top of my voice, “Francis, your here, your here.” He looks over at me with a surprised look on his face. Because he doesn’t know who I am and how I know his name. I see the Wilke’s beautiful, wrinkled face transformed by their ear-to-ear smiles. I run over to Francis and give him a squeeze around his waist. His face turns red, but he is still smiling.

Mrs. Wilkes says, “Francis, meet your new best friend, Sandy. She lives on the other side of our backyard, and she has been waiting impatiently for you to arrive. Francis looks at me with a shy grin on his face and says,” Hi Sandy, I’m happy to meet you.”

I look at him and say,” we’re going to have so much fun this summer. We can go swimming at the pond, ride bikes and go downtown to the shops. Especially the bakery. I just love donuts, do you? And we can roller skate on the sidewalk. And we can go to the clay pits and dig for fossils. You’ll love it here. I can hardly wait for the 4th of July. We can go downtown and ride our bikes behind the band and throw candy at everyone along Main Street. And you can meet all my other friends that live on Fellowship Road. Not to mention all my friends from school. This is going to be a great summer, you’ll see. I said this all in one breath without stopping. Francis had a huge smile on his face now, and so did the Wilkes. Oh, I almost forgot we can go to Schucks to buy penny candy. I love candy so much. And they have a jute box in there. And we can watch all the teenagers dancing. Oh, I almost forgot, on Saturdays we can go to the movies at the Roxy theater. It’s right on Main Street. It only cost a quarter. I bring my lunch with me, Lebanon Bologna and cheese. I’ll bring two, one for me and one for you.

Mrs. Wilkes laughs out loud and say’s,” doesn’t that sound great, Francis?”

“Oh, I almost forgot, there is also a bus that picks kids up at the front of the police station and takes us to the Riverside skating rink. You can rent skates if you don’t have any and skate all day for fifty cents. I always fall down about a million times. But I don’t care. It’s fun.”

Francis looks at me and then turns around and looks at his grandparents and his eyes are as big as saucers, and his smile is from ear to ear. He says, ‘can we go downtown I would love to see it. I live out in the country, and there isn’t much to see there except blueberry farms.”

“How about bringing your suitcase into the house and getting settled and having something for lunch? I made homemade chicken noodle soup, and I can make grilled cheese sandwiches. You’re invited to Sandy, but go ask your mother first?”

“Oh, I’m sure she won’t care.”
“Go ask first. All the same, Sandy.”
“Alright, I’ll go ask. I’ll be right back.”

And in less than five minutes, I was knocking at their back door. I had never been inside their house before. My house was about fifteen years old. But their house was old, really old. They used to have a farm, but they sold the land to the church when they stopped farming. The church made the land into a parking lot.

And that day was the beginning of the best summer of my whole childhood. Francis and I became best friends. And we kept in touch for many years. And then, in 1969, Francis got drafted into the army, and he was sent to Viet Nam. It was one of the saddest days of my life when I heard he got killed there. His grandparents had passed away years before that. I was always glad they didn’t have to face the loss. After that first summer, he spent every summer until he was about sixteen when the Wilkes passed away one right after the other.

And now, here I am, visiting my old neighborhood, and I swear I can see Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes smiling out at me from their porch. I feel tears pooling up and running down my cheeks. I smile back at them and they wave goodbye to me, and then they’re gone. I turn away and walk past the house where I lived my entire childhood and where strangers live now. And I think I was the luckiest kid in the world. I had a wonderful childhood, especially after Francis and I became best friends. The Wilkes and Francis will always live in my heart and my memory.

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LIFE IS A GIFT, YOU CAN ONLY DO IT ONCE, IF YOU DO IT RIGHT,ONCE IS ENOUGH

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It’s just an ordinary Monday morning. I arrive at my job at Ellis Insurance Company at eight AM sharp. I sit down at my desk and look around the office. It’s unoccupied save for myself. This is extremely odd because Harry and Everett are always sitting at their desks and hard at work when I arrive. Huh, I think that’s weird.

Bank Robbery

I shrug my shoulders and decide to start the coffee and have a look at my schedule while I drink my super-caffeinated brew. I like to start the day with a kick in the keister. If you know what I mean. It looks like it is going to be a busy, busy morning which makes the absents of my bosses even stranger. They’re nose to grindstone types. You know the first ones in the office in the morning and the last to leave. I start looking over the files of the clients that will be arriving shortly. I finish two cups of coffee and feel the call of nature.

When I get up to use the loo, I hear the bell on the door ring and see that it is one of my office mates Martha. She is the bookkeeper. She is a strictly business kind of person. In other words, Martha and I don’t go out on Friday night for a nightcap. She keeps her personal life, personal. We have worked in the same office together for six years and I know nothing about her except that she drives a ten-year-old Honda. That she keeps in tip-top order. She’s tight with her money. She squeezes a penny so tight that I’ve seen Lincoln shed a tear. Yeah, I know that’s an old joke. But it’s a good one.

I tip an imaginary cap at her to say, “hello.” And she raises her chin to me. In Martha talk that’s almost a hug. Then I say, “Martha, did Harry or Everett mention that they would late coming in today?”

“No, they did not but let me check my cell phone to see if they texted me.”

About half a minute later she says, “no nothing.” And then she starts getting ready for the day by booting up her computer. And that’s the last thing she says to me that entire day. Martha is not one to mince words or waste words. I’ve often thought she would have made a great mime. Since she hates to have to resort to talking for any reason.

I was almost finished going through the files I had set aside for this morning when I suddenly realized that Everette and Harry have neither shown up or contacted me or Martha. “Martha have you heard from Everette or Harry yet?”

“No, not yet. I don’t remember them ever being this late without giving us a heads up. It’s probably nothing to worry about. And they’re well aware that we can keep the office running without them. Maybe they just went out for breakfast. You know how they love to eat at the greasy spoon restaurants, the greasier the better.”

“Still I would have thought they would have let us know.” Martha just shrugs her shoulders again and goes back to work. I shoot a text off to Everette since he’s the more organized of the two of them. I decide to continue working until lunch and if we still didn’t hear anything I was going to start contacting the clients they have appointments with this morning and if necessary calling their wives., but that will be the last resort. Harry’s wife is extremely high-strung and jealous. Since Harry has a problem staying away from the ladies. He has a roving eye And Everette’s wife does not like to be bothered by anything going on here at Ellis High-Risk Auto Insurance. In addition, I’m somewhat reluctant to make their families worry without proof that anything is wrong. I set my timer on my cell phone for noon and then I would start my calls.

At twelve o’clock sharp my cell phone alarm goes off and it startles me so much that I let out a little scream. Martha says,” what the hell is wrong with you. You half scared me to death?”

“Sorry Martha, my alarm startled me. I’m going to call Everette and Harry’s wives and see if they know where they are. I’ll try to do it in such a way that they won’t freak out. You know how high-strung they both are.

“High Strung, by that you mean nutty as a couple of fruit cakes? Why are you so worried? They are grown, men. They can take care of themselves.”

“Yeah, I know but still I’m going to check with the wives. I’ll let you know what they say.”

“Don’t bother, I’m sure they’re out to breakfast with new clients or something.”

I called Everette’s wife several times, no answer. She isn’t picking up. I didn’t leave a message because I didn’t want her unduly worried. I just asked her to call me back when she has a chance. Then I called Harry’s wife. Wow, you wouldn’t believe what a nutjob she is. The message on her phone was- I’m busy. Leave me or message or don’t it’s up to you.” She is a real charmer that one.

As I’m eating my lunch which is a thermos of vegetarian vegetable soup and salt-free crackers I contemplate what I should do next. I decided to look at the local news on the internet. There is a news flash. It says local businessmen, Harry and Everette Ellis save the day. And then there is a video of none other than Harry and Everette being clapped on the back by the mayor. What in the world is happening? I yell at the top of my lungs,” Martha, Martha come look at this. Harry and Everette are on the local news. They are heroes.”

“What are you yelling at, I almost peed my pants. And what are you babbling about?”

“I’m not babbling, come here and look at this, Harry and Everette are on the local news. Apparently, they stopped at the bank to make a deposit and there was a bank robbery occurring as they walked in the door. Harry and Everette snuck up behind the robbers and hit them over the heads with money bags. Apparently, Harry was also depositing his daughter’s savings which were ten years of quarters she had been saving. They knocked them out cold. Can you believe it?

“Can you believe it?”

“Honestly, it sounds like a lot of bolognas. It’s probably just a publicity stunt.”
A publicity stunt, what are you talking about? Do you think Harry and Everette set up a fake bank robbery to get publicity? Wow, you are nuttier than I realized. They could go to jail for doing something like that. You have no faith in people at all do you?”

“No, no I don’t why would I? Have you seen the people that come into this office day after day? They are the dregs of humanity, low-life scums.”

“Really that’s what you think of our customers? Then why are you still working here? Why don’t you find another job somewhere else?”

“Maybe, I will. I’m sick of this place.”

I just stare at Martha and shake my head back and forth in disbelief. “Wow, it was better when you kept all your thoughts to yourself. Six years of almost being mute and this is what you finally spew out?” I feel kind of sick to my stomach, I can hardly look at her. You never know who people are and then you do and you wish you didn’t know anything about them.

At that precise moment that Martha enlightened me about who she really was all these years, Harry and Everette burst into the door all smiles. I jump up out of my seat like it’s on fire and run over to them and give them a big smile and a hug. “Our heroes are here. I’m so proud of you two. You two are so brave. You could have gotten yourselves shot.”

“Thanks, Eleanor, I guess we didn’t think about how dangerous it was. We just reacted. The robbers were threatening to shoot the bank tellers and the bank customers. They are all people we have known for years. And there was no way we were going to allow that to happen.

And then Harry whispers, let’s get them and he pointed at the heavy bags of quarters we were carrying. Then the robbers said, you two, get over here and they were shoving all the customers into the bank president’s office. As they pushed us into the office Everette and I swung the money bags and bam we hit them both hard on the head. And they hit the floor like a ton of rocks. And the coin bags split open and poured all over their heads. They didn’t get up again until the police arrived and dragged their sorry asses out into the paddy wagon.”

I hugged them both. Meanwhile, Martha never looks up or says a word to either of them. Harry says, “Hey let’s all go out to lunch and celebrate. What do you say?”

I said, “hell yeah, let’s go to that Japanese restaurant down on Route 38. I love that place.”

“Wait, let me get my purse. Harry and Everette look over at Martha and say, “Hey Martha how about it? Do you want to go out to lunch?”

Martha looks up at them and sees how excited they are and believe it or not she said,

‘Sure, that sounds great.”
I was flabbergasted. I guess it’s never too late for an old cranky old mute to learn a new trick.  That life is a gift that never take for granted.

 

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THE HITCHHIKER

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It‘s the last week that I‘ll be driving to Santa Barbara from Lompoc. Because I’m graduating from college next week. I’ve been living in Lompoc, California for the last three years.

It’s a little over fifty-mile drive from Lompoc to Santa Barbara. But I‘ll miss the breathtaking mountainous landscape. The air is intoxicating. I would even miss the Santa Ana winds.

The Masked Man in a black cape

The people are friendly in California. I’ve made a great many friends while I lived here and I would miss them terribly. I hope that we’ll keep in contact with one another. But I know that our lives would be busy once we started working and move back to our respective home states.

When I was about halfway to Santa Barbara I see a lone figure on the road in the distance. I can’t imagine who would be hitchhiking at this time of the day because there is rarely any traffic. And the chance of getting a ride is unlikely. I rarely pick up hitchhikers because you just never know what might happen. Especially if it is an isolated area like it is here in the mountains. But I thought why not? I could not imagine passing this guy and leaving him to walk nearly fifty miles on foot. I’ll be fine.

As I get closer I realize that the hitchhiker is wearing some kind of long, black cape. And the cape is blowing and flapping in the Santa Anna wind. He looks like he might take off at any minute? Maybe I need to just pass on by him. He’s probably some kind of serial killer or something. I was within thirty feet of him and he turns around and looks straight at me. And that’s when I saw he was also wearing a black mask over his eyes. I almost step on the gas to speed by him. I mean who the hell goes out dressed in a cape and mask in the middle of nowhere?

But my curiosity is greater than my common sense as usual. I can not bear an unsolved mystery. If I don’t find out what this guy is all about it will drive me crazy. I’m the type of guy who is nosy and curious. And I just have to find out what this dude is all about.

So I start to slow down and pull over to the side of the road about five feet behind him and honk my horn. I’m certain this guy knew I was behind him the whole time. He doesn’t stop immediately, but he slows down and turns his head in my direction and stares straight into my eyes. It felt like he was burning holes right through me. I felt my body grow hot than cold. I felt like this was my body telling me that this guy was bad news. I was about to slam my foot down on the gas hard. When suddenly this guy was at the passenger side of the front seat and he pulled the door open and pulled it closed, hard. Then he reaches over and locks the door.

I am almost afraid to look away. In fact, I find I can’t look away even when I try. I feel like my eyes are locked onto his and I can’t turn away from him. And then just as suddenly he turns his head to stare out the front window. He doesn’t say a word to me, no hello, no thanks for picking me up. Nothing, nada. Zip, zero. So I take off the parking brake, and put the car in drive, and take off.

After about twenty minutes of driving in silence, I try to summon up the courage to say something to this freak. I clear my throat about five times and manage to squeak out, “so what’s your story?”

He ignores me completely, it’s like he doesn’t see or hear me. I start to sweat big time. I’m having an adrenaline rush, first the sweats, then chills, and now my throat feels as dry as the Sahara Desert. I decide I will just have to try and calm down. I know it’s my own fault that I found myself in this precarious position. I’m always doing things that all common sense would tell anyone else no way, no how. But not me, I jump in the deepest creek or even worse the shallow water without a second thought. It’s like I have some sort of death wish or something. I’m an impulsive guy. And that’s not a good thing. Ever.

Another ten minutes goes by. I turn my head and look at him and he’s still sitting there as if he has turned into stone. No expression on his face on what I can see of his face. It doesn’t even look like he’s breathing.

I decide to act casual as if this is an ordinary occurrence for me. Like I pick up masked strangers wearing long, black capes every day, all day long. I try again, “so are you headed for Santa Barbara for any reason in particular? I’m going to college there. This is my last week and then I graduate and I’m moving back to the Philadelphia area. Where are you from?”

He doesn’t say anything. This has got to be the weirdest guy I’ve ever met or maybe met isn’t the right word? Maybe encountered is the right word. I hope I don’t have a problem getting rid of him at some point. I pray this doesn’t turn out to be the worse mistake I ever made. “Hey buddy, I’m going to have to stop at the first gas station along the way. Do you want to get out then? I’m kind of in a hurry I have to get to school, exams this week. So, I definitely think you should find another ride when I stop for gas. I look at him, he is like a black hole, no reaction. I start sweating.

I see the gas station is up on the right. “OK, buddy we’re here. This is where you get off. I pull into the gas station and ask the attendant to fill it up. I have to go to the bathroom. So, good luck buddy.” I give him one last look and turn and head toward the men’s room.

As I open the men’s room door I look right and left and don’t see my weird masked hitchhiker. Gone, he’s gone. Good riddance buddy, good luck you’re going to need it I mumble to myself. Maybe, just maybe I have learned something from this experience. I walk toward the gas pumps. And I see nothing. My car is gone and so is my masked companion. Gone with the wind and took my freaking car with him. That is when I realize that I left my keys in the ignition. And I had just used the last of my cash to fill up my gas tank.

I run over to the gas station attendant that waited on me. “Hey did you see that masked man take off with my car?” If I wasn’t on the edge of losing my mind I would have laughed at what the words that just came out of my mouth.

The gas station attendant said, “oh yeah he left about five minutes ago. Was that his car? What’s with the mask and cape? I’m surprised you would hitch a ride with that weirdo. You should be more careful.”

At this point I feel like the top of my head is about to explode. My face is burning up. I scream, “that was my car, he stole my car. And you’re right I should have been more careful. Can I use your telephone to call the police? I don’t have any more money I used it all on the gas.”

“Yes, go ahead. How did he start your car?”

“I left the keys in the car, yes, I’m that stupid.”

I run into the gas station and grab the phone. “Hello, my name is David Stein.” I’m at the Sunoco Station on Route 101 ten miles north of Santa Barbara. My car was just stolen by a masked guy wearing a cape he is driving my car which is a Pontiac Firebird. It is Cherry red. I gave the guy a hitch and when I was using the toilet he stole my car.”

I stood there at the gas station for a good hour and a half waiting. I didn’t know what to do. After a while of standing, I sat down on the curb and covered my eyes. I was afraid that I was going to start crying in front of the gas station attendant and anyone else that happened to be there. I was mentally beating myself up, telling myself over and over how stupid I was. My last week of school, and now this happens. I feel like throwing up.

The gas station attendant comes sauntering over to me, ever so slowly. “Hey buddy, the cops just called, they said they caught your guy. He made it all the way to the outskirts of Santa Barbara and one of the local cops noticed your weirdo in the mask and cape getting out of your red car and arrested the guy after he couldn’t show proof of ownership. And then he checked your plates and it was your car. They arrested the guy and he is on his way to the slammer. They are on their way here to pick you up. You will have to go with them to show proof that the car is yours. And then he turns and walks away.

At this point, I don’t know if I feel like crying or laughing. So I do both. Wow, this day has been one for the books. I plop down on the curb again and wait and wait. Finally, the cops show up. I walk over to the car and say, “yeah, hi. I’m the guy whose car got stolen by a guy with a black mask and cape on? Is my car alright?”

The two cops look like they were on the verge of laughing at me. But hold it back. Probably because they could see the tears staining my dirty face. “Get in the back buddy, and we’ll take you to the station. Do you have proof of ownership?”

“Yes, it’s in my wallet.”
“You know you shouldn’t have picked up that weirdo, right? And you should never have left the keys in the car with a hitchhiker was in the back while you went to the bathroom, right?”

“Yes, I do. It was a mistake. Believe me, I have learned my lesson. Never trust a man wearing a mask and a cape. And who is that masked man, do you know?”

“Yes, we know who he is. His name is Michael Splain. He escaped from the Federal Penitentiary in Lompoc. They can’t explain where he got the mask and cape but they did say he was a total nut job and you’re lucky that he didn’t do more than steal your car.”

“Yeah, I’m lucky. Lucky he didn’t kill me. I know I will never pick up another hitchhiker as long as I live.”

“Ok let’s go we’ll take you to the impound lot and you can get your car back. They might charge you for having it there if it stays there overnight so we better get going.”

I jump in the back seat of the patrol car. And my internal dialogue begins, when will you ever learn to not trust everyone you meet, stop being a sucker, stop being a bleeding heart?  And on and on and on.

When we arrive at the impound the cop that talks to me says,  “so you’re the guy that got robbed by the masked marauder?”

I hang my head down. I realize that I am never going to hear the end of this episode of my life and didn’t know how I would top it. But I knew that somehow, someday I would.

 

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HAPPY ENDINGS COMES IN ALL DIFFERENT SIZES AND SHAPES

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Life hasn’t always been a piece of cake for me. My mother was fifteen when she had me and gave me up since she was in no way ready to be a mother since she couldn’t even take care of herself.

Children playing in the yard.

It turns out I was a colicky baby and not your typical adorable baby that everyone falls in love with at first sight. It seems as if my mother never had prenatal care when she was pregnant with me and didn’t take care of herself let alone her unborn child. In fact, she hid her pregnancy from her family altogether.

When my mother went into labor she didn’t tell anyone and she gave birth to me with the help of her best friend. After I was born they dropped me off at the local hospital emergency room and she never looked back or gave me one thought after that. I was just a mistake in a long line of mistakes that she made throughout her messed up life.

As I was saying she left me at the emergency room. From there I was taken to the preemie room in the maternity ward. I’m sure the nursing staff did their best to take care of me. Apparently, I was not a good sleeper nor did I seem interested in drinking the formula they gave me. I cried non-stop morning, noon, and all night. At some point, they felt I was in stable condition and I was put in the care of the state and went to a foster care home. Where I lived for less than a year. Apparently, my inability to ever sleep through the night and screaming like a banshee made it difficult for the foster parents and kids to sleep through the night.

As a result, I was tossed from one foster home to another. No one seems to have any interest in adopting me. I felt alone in the world and rejected. But that all changed when I was sent to live with a foster family whose last name was Corsican. They were truly the first kind and loving people I had ever known. They never made negative comments about how I looked.

Oh, I forgot to mention that apparently my birth mother or father or some distant forgotten relation to one of them had the biggest nose on the face of the planet and I inherited it. How lucky am I? I spent almost my entire childhood being called names like honker, schnoz, horse, beak, snout, Gonzo. Apparently one of the kids who called me Gonzo thought I looked like one of the muppets on TV.

Anyway the day my social worker came and picked me up and brought me to the Corsican’s house was the luckiest day of my life. As soon as we arrived at their house I knew life was looking up for me. The kids were running and playing all over the yard.

They were laughing and calling out each other’s names. Apparently playing some kind of game I was unfamiliar with. As soon as the social worker pulls up kids start running towards the car. I mentally prepare myself for the onslaught of name-calling.

All the kids came running up to the car window. And they all talk at the same time. “Hi, you must be Stevie we have been waiting all day for you to show up. Come on out and we’ll show you your room and stuff.”

“Go on Stevie, I’ll bring your suitcase in and I have to talk to the Corsicans.”

I open the door and get out of the car and someone grabs my arm and says,” you can be on my team. And just like that, I met my best friend, and it turns out her name was Billie Jean. That’s right my best friend is a girl.”

My social worker walks up to the front door and goes in to speak to the foster mom and says,” this is the last opportunity for Stevie in foster care. He has been moved from one placement to another. He has problems falling to sleep and staying asleep. He has been rejected by his own mother and her extended family. We have no clue who his father is. What I’m saying is this is his last chance to have any kind of normal life. If this fails he will be headed to a state residential treatment program and that rarely has a good ending.”

Mrs. Corsican takes a step back and says all in one breath. “Stevie will not fail here. I’ve dealt with kids with much worse backgrounds than he has had. Kids that grow up feeling rejected time and again develop trust issues with adults. I promise you that I and all the kids that live here will come to love and accept Stevie. I will create a plan to help him start sleeping better. I have no doubt that he will sleep better when he feels he is loved and accepted and that he has a place to live for as long as he needs it. “

“Thank you I knew this would be the solution for Stevie. Please keep me up to date with his progress. Feel free to contact me at any time. I mean that. I’m going to say so long to Stevie but please call me if you need my assistance in any way.

I walk back down the sidewalk and call out, “Stevie I’m leaving now. You have my phone number if you ever need to call me about anything.” Stevie gives me a wave and keeps playing with the other kids. My heart feels a little lighter now. I’m certain that this is the home that Stevie will have for the rest of his childhood and perhaps the family that he deserved his entire life. The family that loves and accepts one another regardless of how they look, the clothes they wear.  Or where they came from. This is the unconditional love that all children deserve. I smile all the way to the car and the ride back to my office. This is what a happy ending looks like for kids like Stevie.

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THAT WHICH DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER

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Lizbeth walks slowly into the classroom with her head down. Her blond hair hung limply down over her face. Mrs. Anderson says, “Lizbeth please come over to my desk for a moment I have some school supplies and textbooks for you.”

Lizbeth shuffles over to Mrs. Anderson’s desk keeping her head low. “I would like to introduce you to the class since you are new here. Lizbeth quietly shakes her head back and forth. But Mrs. Anderson isn’t looking at her at that moment and doesn’t realize how uncomfortable Lizbeth is when attention is on her. “Class, please quiet down for a moment I would like to introduce a new student to you. This is Lizbeth Hess her family just moved to our town recently and she doesn’t know anyone here. I would like you to offer Lizbeth a warm welcome.”

Burning House

“Lizbeth, would you like to introduce yourself to the class and tell us a little bit about yourself?”

Lizbeth shakes her head more vehemently. But Mrs. Anderson isn’t looking at her she’s reprimanding Joey Lombardi. He was imitating how Lizbeth was standing with her head down and shaking her head no. All the kids are laughing at him but Lizbeth thinks that they are laughing at her and tears start running down her face onto the linoleum floor. She doesn’t say a word.

“Well, I guess Lizbeth is feeling a little shy today so I’ll introduce her. Lizbeth’s family just moved to our town recently as I mentioned a moment ago. Unfortunately, there was a fire at Lizbeth’s old house and her family lost everything. Lizbeth suffered some burns before she was able to escape the fire in her house. Fortunately Mr. Goodwin our mayor found out about Lizbeth’s family’s house burning down and offered to let them live in one of the houses he rents out. So now she’s going to attend our school. How about everyone giving Lizbeth a warm welcome by clapping.”

The kids all looked at Lizbeth and then at each other and a couple of kids start to clap and then the rest follow. Lizbeth doesn’t look up. If anything it looks as if she’s shrinking right before their eyes.

That is when Mrs. Anderson finally realizes that Lizbeth is very uncomfortable standing in front of the class and being the center of attention. And as she looks at Elizabeth she realizes that Elizabeth is wearing a dress that is much too small for her and her shoes are too big. And to make things worse she realizes that Lizbeth’s burns must be extremely painful. She realizes she has made an error in judgment by telling the class about Elizabeth while she was standing in front of the class.

Mrs. Anderson looks across the class and calls out, “Dolores Rafferty could you come up to my desk for a moment?”

Dolores looks at Mrs. Anderson and wonders what she could have done wrong. She jumps up from her chair nearly knocking it over. All the kids start laughing. And Dolores all but runs up to the teacher’s desk. “Yes, Mrs. Anderson. Did I do something wrong?” Mrs. Anderson leans down and says in a low tone so no one else can hear her, “What? No of course not Dolores. But I was wondering if you be so kind as to take Lizbeth back to her desk and if for the next week you would be so kind as to show Lizbeth around the school and introduce her to some of the other children. Just until she feels more at ease in her new surroundings?”

“What? Sure I can do that. I remember how lonely I felt when my family moved here from New Jersey and I didn’t know anyone. I can’t imagine how scared she must be because she lost her house and all her stuff.”

Mrs. Anderson looks over at Dolores and wonders how this young girl is so perceptive and she wishes she had done the same. “Thank you, Dolores. I’m sure you will be a good friend to her.”

Dolores walks over to Lizbeth and takes her hand and whispers,” Lizbeth my name is Dolores and I’ll show you where you are going to sit, and for the rest of the week if you would like you can walk with me until you get to know the school and your way around.”

Lizbeth slowly lifts her face up and looks at Dolores and quietly says, OK.” And then she takes Dolores’ hand in hers, and Dolores leads her to her new desk which just so happens to be next to hers. Lizbeth sits down and lifts up the desktop and sees that her school books are inside and there are pens and pencils, a ruler, and school books in there as well.

Mrs. Anderson says, “alright class please take out your history books and open up to page 127. And Martin will you read the first page to the class please?”

Martin takes a deep breath and sighs heavily. And opens up his history book to page 127 and begins to read in a monotonous voice. “Martin, could you please put some feeling into your reading so that the whole class doesn’t fall asleep while you are reading?”

Everyone laughs including Martin and even Lizbeth has a little smile on her face. The rest of the morning passes quickly and the lunch bell rings and Mrs. Anderson says,” alright class please put your books away and take out your lunches. Aisle one please start getting in line to go to lunch and so on. Please do not push or shove anyone and then proceed quietly to the lunchroom. When you get to the lunchroom please quietly take your seats. Keep all the talking at your lunch tables to a low roar. After lunch take it easy in the play yard. I don’t want anyone to get injured. I’ll see you back here at 12:30 PM on the dot. Understood?:

Everyone said in unison,” yes Mrs. Anderson. Except for Joel the class clown. After everyone says, “yes Mrs. Anderson, in a high squeaky voice, “Yes indeedy.” He likes to say something different every time the class was dismissed for lunch. The class always started laughing and didn’t stop laughing until they arrived outside the lunchroom and then quieted down. As if they hadn’t been making a racket the whole time. Mrs. Anderson never reacts to her class’s shenanigans as she thought it was better to finish the morning on a high note and it was harmless. Some of the other teachers didn’t agree with her. But no one had the nerve to tell her that to her face. Because Mrs. Anderson could be quite fierce when provoked.

Everyone sat down quietly in the lunchroom and begin eating their lunch. Some of the students trade lunches because their mothers pack the same lunch for them every day. And some of the kids bought their lunch. Lizbeth didn’t have a lunch bag with her and she didn’t have any money in her lunch account yet.

Dolores says,” Lizbeth would you please eat one half of my lunch for me? My mother always packs too much for me to eat. And she gets mad if I don’t eat it. It’s only a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and she gave me a huge piece of her chocolate cake and I can’t eat all of it. What do you say?”

Lizbeth looks at Dolores and says quietly,” peanut butter and jelly and chocolate cake are my favorite.”

“That’s great Lizbeth, you’re saving my life. Otherwise, my mother would be ranting and raving about me eating like a bird again.”

Lizbeth and Dolores eat quietly until three girls come over to the table and say, “Dolores we heard that there’s a new girl at your table. So we came over to meet her. Dolores said,” oh yes, this is Lizbeth she just moved to town recently and she doesn’t know anybody around here. So I’m showing her around. Lizbeth this is Marty, Kathy and the string bean is Anne Marie.”

The three smiling girls take a look at Lizbeth and their expressions change from a smile to a shocked look. Anne Marie says, “Hi Lizbeth it’s so nice to meet you. It’s so great getting a new kid here. We have all been going to school together since first grade. So now we can hear some new stories. Where are you from?”

“I lived in the next town over, Lenola.”

“Oh, how come you moved here?”

Lizbeth looks down at the table and doesn’t say anything right away. “Then she mumbles that “we had a fire in our house and couldn’t live there anymore. The three girls look at her and then at each other. “Anne Marie says, “oh that’s terrible did you lose all your clothes and stuff?”

Dolores gives Anne Marie a look that meant shut up. Lizbeth puts her head down again. And says in a low tone,” yes, everything.”

Marty, Kathy, and Anne Marie look at each other, and then Marty says, “Hey you look like you wear a size smaller than I do, would you like to come over to my house today after school and see if you could take some of the clothes off my hands that don’t fit me. You would be doing me a favor because my mother has been nagging me to clean out my closets and dresser of clothes that are too small. What do you say, Lizbeth?”

Ann Marie and Kathy and Dolores say, “Hey I was just about to say that too. How about it?”

Lizbeth looks at the four girls and gives them a big smile, “really, I would love to help you out and besides most of the clothes that Mr. Goodwin gave me are way too small or way too big.”

“Great, let’s do it. You can come to my house first, and then Marty and Kathy and Dolores’ house. You know what I just noticed Lizbeth you have beautiful blond hair. I always wanted blond hair but mine is just boring brown.”

Lizbeth looks at the four girls and they look back at her and what they see isn’t a girl who’s burned but a girl who needed friends and they were the lucky ones.

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INSOMNIA

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If you’ve ever suffered from insomnia even for a short time you will understand how I feel. And why what happened on that particular night transpired. I have to say that I have lived my entire life sleep-deprived. My mother told me long ago when I was a baby and a young child, she had difficulty getting me to go to bed, fall asleep and stay asleep the entire night.

Nightmare Monster

Nightmare Monster

She told me sometimes it took her an hour to get me to go to bed and stay there. That I would get up many times and ask for water, or tell her I was hungry or that I had to go to the bathroom. Sometimes even after my parents and older siblings were all fast asleep, she would be awakened by me standing next to her bed and saying,” I can’t fall asleep or I had a terrible nightmare. Or she would get up to go to the bathroom sometime after midnight and find me lying on the floor eyes wide open. She would say,” Ellie why are you out of bed?” You need to go back to your room and go to sleep you have to go to school in the morning and I have to go to work. Please, please go back to your room and get some sleep.”

My father worked the night shift and I rarely saw him. I wouldn’t dare go into my parent’s room when he was home at night. He would yell, “what is that kid doing in our room again, can’t you make her stay in her bed?”  My mother said, “I did, she has trouble sleeping and she becomes frightened when she is lying awake in the dark. She has a vivid imagination.

“Put her to bed and make her stay there or I’ll lock her in there and make her sorry she doesn’t stay in her room at night.”

My father had a short fuse and I had no doubt that he would make me sorry for not staying in bed.

“Come on Ellie let’s go back to your room and I will sit with you until you fall asleep.” And as tired as she must have been she would come and sit by my bed and sing quietly next to me until I drifted off to sleep. She called it the Land of Nod.

” The Land of Nod is the reason that I didn’t want to fall asleep because I knew only too well that I didn’t want to go there again. Because it is a place where nightmares begin.

But the horrors that take place there don’t always end when you open up your eyes. Most people don’t hear the voices that I hear when I return from the Land of Nod. I can still see the monsters that dwell there and remember the horrific things they told me.

The Land of Nod is not the peaceful place you might imagine it to be. It is a land of tormented exile rather than a place of peaceful sleep. Some lost souls become vanquished to this place of eternal nightmares. They cannot get out and return to their waking life. They are possessed by the evil that dwells there.

One night I lay down on my bed and the next thing I know I‘m climbing up a rusty metal winding staircase on the side of an ancient Victorian house. As I climb upward toward the roof, I can’t see any end to the ladder. The roof seems to move farther and farther away instead of closer. It begins to rain and become extremely windy. The rain is hitting me hard. It feels like bullets are pelleting me. The staircase becomes extremely slippery. It begins to sway from the left to the right and back again. It bangs against the side of the old house over and over. I fight my way up the stairs to the roof.

Finally. I reach the roof and as I look up, I see what I can only describe as a face full of hatred and disgust. There is steam rising from its body. I almost lose my grip on the ladder in an effort to remove myself from the creature’s presence. He thrust out his scaled and crusty claw to grab me. My terror at the thought of this monster touching me is greater than my fear of falling from the roof. I let go and just as I was about to slam to the ground and no doubt die, I wake up with a start in a cold and clammy sweat.

I reluctantly open my eyes one at a time. Terrified at where I might be. I realize I’m in my room. I’m about to crawl out of my bed when I hear my closet door creaking open. Before my eyes, I see the scaley face and toothy grin of the creature that has been waiting for me on the roof. The last thing I remember seeing is the awful vision of the creature licking his lips in anticipation of devouring me.

I close my eyes tightly and hold my breath. Fearing what terrible event might take place. I wait for what seems an eternity. Finally, I open my eyes and stare across the room and I see nothing except that my closet door is wide open. There are huge reptilian footprints on the carpet. I let out a scream so loud that both my father and mother come running into my room.

“Dear god Helen what is wrong with this child? Why can’t she go to sleep and stay asleep until morning. Why is she always waking up every night screaming like a banshee?”

“I don’t know Henry. She’s a child. Children have highly active imaginations. They have nightmares. What do you expect me to do? I give her a warm bath before bed. I give her warm milk to help her sleep. I sit with her for hours at night. Sometimes she seems fine when I first put her to bed. And then in about fifteen or twenty minutes, she starts twitching and moaning. And then before you know it, she starts screaming. It’s very hard to wake her up then. I have to really shake her hard. It’s like the nightmares have a tight grip on her. It’s scary. Sometimes I’m afraid that I won’t be able to wake her up and she is a prisoner to these horrible nightmares she has.”

“Well Helen, you have got to do something. How can I go to work and do my job when I never get a decent night’s sleep? You are going to have to take her to the doctors and see if there is anything they can do. I’m exhausted.”

“Henry we’re all exhausted. I’ll see if the pediatrician can offer some kind of solution or if he can refer me to a therapist of some kind who can help her.”

“Do it tomorrow, Helen, I’m at the end of my rope. Do you understand?”

“Yes Henry, I understand. Tomorrow.”

The next day my mother says to me, “Ellie I made an appointment for you to go to the doctor.”

“No, I don’t want to go to the doctor, I hate when she gives me shots. I don’t want to, no.”

“Ellie, I’m sorry but you are going. He won’t be giving you any shots. This is a different kind of doctor. He is the kind of doctor that just talks to you to see if anything is troubling you or making you upset. I want you to talk to him about the problems you have sleeping and the nightmares you have all the time. He is just going to listen to you that’s all. And then he will talk to you and me and tell us what he thinks is causing your sleep problems and try to make it better. Do you understand?”

“Yes, but I can’t tell him about the Land of Nod.”

“The Land of Nod?”

“Yes, you told me that I go to the Land of Nod when I go to sleep. It is terrible there. There are horrible monsters that live there. And they try to kill me and eat me. Sometimes they come back with me when I wake up to my room and they try to kill me. They hide in my closet.”

“Ellie, the Land of Nod isn’t a place. It’s just an expression for going to sleep. Anything that you see in your dreams is just your imagination at work. We all have nightmares sometimes if we go to sleep and we are overtired or had a bad day or something upsetting happens before we go to bed. I’m sure the doctor will tell you the same. How about you go and get dressed and wash your face. Then come into the kitchen and I’ll make you some hot oatmeal. I know you love that.”

“Ok mom, I’ll get dressed and come eat breakfast.”

After breakfast, I went into the kitchen and my mother said “Ellie please go brush your teeth and then put on your jacket. I don’t want to be late.”

“Ok mom, I’ll be right back.”

My mother didn’t talk much on the ride to the doctor’s office. I kept my fingers crossed and hope the doctor wouldn’t give me a needle. Cause I hate needles.

“Ellie, we’re almost there. Don’t worry she’s just going to talk to you. All you have to do is answer his questions truthfully.”

“Ok mom, I will.”

A few minutes later we got to the doctor’s office and we were told to have a seat until we were called in to talk to the doctors. It seemed like we sat there forever. And then a pretty lady came out and said Ellie can you come with me?’

My mom nodded her head and said, “go on Ellie everything is going to be alright, I promise.”

The pretty lady said, “here, we are please just have a seat and Dr. Robbins will be right in.”

I sat there and sat there for a long, long time. And then a short chubby old man came in. He was wearing his going to church clothes. He had a long black and grey beard. He said.” hello, miss Elie. I’m Doctor Robbins and we are just going to have a little talk about the trouble you have sleeping. Can you tell me about that?”

I looked at him and he sat and waited for me to say something. I couldn’t decide if I should tell him about the Land of Nod or not. But my mother said that he was going to help me sleep better and I was really tired. “Ok, I’m afraid to fall asleep at night because of what happens after I fall asleep. I’m afraid to go to the Land of Nod, and what happens there and because sometimes the monsters are going to hurt me. And sometimes when I wake up in my bed the monsters are in my room.”

“The Land of Nod? What is that, Ellie?”

“Oh, that’s what my mom calls the place you go when you fall asleep.”

“What do you see there Ellie? “

“There are monsters, they are really scary they usually have been long, sharp teeth and long claws. Sometimes they can fly. They tell me that they are going to kill me or my mom and dad.”

“Oh, that sounds really scary. What happens when you wake up Ellie?”

“Mostly I wake up in my bed because my mom comes in and shakes me cause I was crying or screaming in my sleep and wake my dad up and he gets really mad at me when I do that. Cause he has to go to work and he’s always tired. I don’t want to wake him up so I try to keep myself awake all night so I won’t wake up screaming and getting my dad mad.”

“Does anything else happen after you wake up?”
I look at the doctor really hard because I wanted to be sure I should tell him about the monsters coming back from the Land of Nod with me. His face looks like he really wants me to tell him the truth. “Yes, sometimes the monsters come back with me to my room sometimes they hide under the bed, and sometimes they are hiding in my closet to kill me or my mom and dad.”

“Ellie you must be really scared when you see that. Did you ever tell your Mom and Dad that?”

“I did tell my mom once but she didn’t believe me so I don’t tell her anymore. She told me it was just a nightmare and not real. But it is, I can feel the monster’s breath on my face and it smells like burning. Sometimes it spits at me and I have to go in and wash my face because it burns. I really scream when that happens and that’s when I wake my mom and dad up.”

“Alright Ellie, I think I understand now. I’m going to go talk to your mom and then she will be able to take you home. Just sit here quietly for a few minutes.

The doctor asks his assistant to call Ellie’s mother into his office. She arrived looking exhausted with dark circles under her eyes and a worried expression on her face.”

“Well doctor, what do you think is going on with Ellie?”

“Mrs. Lipton what is happening to Ellie and it’s not unusual for this to happen to children in her developmental stage is that she is having Night Terrors. Well, the best description of a Night Terror is that is a vivid dream. Sometimes it can be a result of some trauma, but most often it is an inherited trait that might run in your family. Did you and anyone in your family have night terrors that you know of Mrs. Lipton?”

“Not in my family as far as I know of doctor. But I don’t know about my husband’s family. Is there anything you can tell me to do because my husband isn’t getting enough sleep because of being woken up at night.

“Well yes, a few things making sure she is relaxed and sleepy when she goes to bed. Perhaps giving her a hot bath might help. Try and reassure her that she just needs to quiet herself and think of things that make her happy. Reassure her that she is loved. And perhaps sit by her bed until she falls asleep. Ultimately, she will outgrow this behavior as she gets older. About 40 percent of children have these night terrors. Do not wake her up when she is having one. Sometimes children can act out if that happens. It is not uncommon for children to sleepwalk while they are having a night terror.”

“Really, oh dear. That’s is scary.”

“As I said as her nervous system becomes fully developed these dreams will resolve themselves. Try to have a ritual before she retires for the night. Taking a bath, having some warm milk. Saying her prayers if you do that. And finally kissing her good night and she closes her eyes and waiting for her to fall asleep. If this doesn’t work, we will consider sending her to a sleep lab. Call me and let me know how she is doing, alright?

“Yes, I understand Doctor thanks for your help. I hope it works. I will keep in touch.”

“Alright my nurse will be bringing Ellie out to the waiting room now. Goodbye.”

Ellie followed the nurse out to the waiting room. She saw her mom sitting there and said, “can we go now. I’m really tired?”

“Yes let’s go home and see what we can have for lunch shall we. What would you like Ellie?”

“Oh, vegetable soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. That’s my favorite.”

“That’s what it will be then. As they drove towards home. Ellie’s mother could see her eyes kept closing and then she saw Ellie was asleep. Ellie’s mom thought, oh what a relief. She continued on her way home without any incident and suddenly she heard a weird growling noise from the back seat. She thought it was the car backfiring at first and then she realized it was a low growling. So, she looked in the rear-view mirror and she glanced at Ellie who was now wide awake and she had her mouth wide opened in a silent scream. The growling noise got louder and she saw something so terrifying that her mind wanted to block it out. But it couldn’t there was a creature with a long snout full of huge fangs and it was above Ellie’s head looking as if it was about to bite off Ellie’s head.

Helen thought she must be losing her mind. How could she be seeing this living nightmare? She kept staring at it, the huge orange, bulging eyes, the horns that look like they could kill someone with ease. And then it open’s its mouth wide and spewed forth the most acrid, decaying smell she had ever experienced. And that is when Helen was awakened by a loud noise. Her car had just slammed into the median strip in the middle of the highway. Ellen’s eyes opened and she realized she had fallen to sleep at the wheel and crashed her car. At that moment she remembered from a long-buried memory that she had experienced night terrors as a child and Ellie must have inherited it from her. And then the lights went out when she lost consciousness. The next thing she was aware of was when she woke up in an ambulance with her daughter lying beside her on a gurney. She was banged up and bruised but alive.

Helen and Ellie heard a calming voice saying, “you are going to be alright. We are on our way to the emergency room. Everything is going to be alright. Try to rest now.”

Helen looked at Ellie looked at one another tears ran down their cheeks. Knowing that they would never have a peaceful sleep again.

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GROWING UP IS HARD TO DO

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The subway stations are all but abandoned save for a few brave souls that kept going to work during the first year after the pandemic started. Fortunately, I was able to work from home for that first lonely year. I live in a three-story walkup 120 square foot studio apartment on Locust Street in Philadelphia. It’s located right next to Rittenhouse Square. I love this part of the city, close to transportation, restaurants, and museums.

Rittenhouse Square- Philadelphia, Pa

If you ever want to know what it’s like living in a prison cell you are welcome to stop by and see my “apartment.” I just graduated from Temple University last year and I was hired to work as a graphic designer for a packaging company. Which is great. On the other hand, the pay isn’t great, and also not to mention the lack of benefits the first year.

I have always considered myself something of a loner. Spending your workday alone is almost a given in my business. Unless you are working in a corporation that has teams working on design projects. Unfortunately, I was hired by a start-up company that only has three employees and the owners. So, you have to be a jack of all trades here. And you can expect to work a lot of overtime.

Before I graduated from Temple with my MA I was living at home with my parents and younger brother and commuting from New Jersey daily. That got really old after a while because most days my classes were scheduled first thing in the morning and then a class after dinner. So, I had to commute back and forth a couple of times a day. Which was expensive because I had to pay bridge tolls to cross the bridge twice a day.

That’s why I decided to get an apartment in Philly as soon as I got a job. Luckily, I got hired right after graduation. It took me almost a month to find an affordable apartment. When I first went to see it, I didn’t realize just how small it was because it was empty. And I was so excited about finding an available and affordable place to live I didn’t really think about how really tiny it was. The fact that it had a mini-fridge, no stove, just a toaster oven. But I didn’t really think about those things until the day I moved in. When I realize there was no way in hell that my double bed is going to fit.

My dad takes one look at the place and says,” good lord you might have mentioned how small this place is. Your furniture isn’t going to fit in here, nowhere, no how, no way. Let’s take this all back home and go take a look at IKEA has to offer in way of furniture that is convertible from a bed to a couch and a small desk and chair that you can eat on and also use as a work desk. Maybe I can build you a drafting table that flips up and out of the way on the wall. And did you realize there’s only one closet for storage? I don’t know where you’re going to put your bike. Maybe I can hang hooks from the ceiling for the bike? How about if right now you really take a good look around and see what has to stay and what has to go back home to the garage?”

I look at my dad and I really want to disagree with him. But as I take a really close look around, I realize he’s absolutely right. So, I keep my mouth shut. Then I start going through the boxes we already brought in and take only the essential items. Everything else goes back in the boxes to return to my old house. I start making a list in my head about what I definitely need to keep. We end up taking about two-thirds of my stuff back home. And then we make a trip to IKEA. I buy a small convertible couch/bed. and some storage shelves. I guess I not going to be eating as I used to since I’ll have to do all my cooking in a toaster oven.

Not to mention that I’m going to be washing my dishes and my face and hands in the kitchen sink since there isn’t a sink in the bathroom. Only a shower that looks like a tall skinny coffin and a toilet. I‘m going to have to get food for one or two days at a time. Since I only had a mini-fridge. I bought the smallest microwave I could find. I cross my fingers and hope it will fit on the three-foot countertop.

I’m not as stoked as I was early this morning but still, I’m finally on my way to becoming a working artist in my own place. Even if it’s an apartment made for the seven dwarfs or something. My dad and I bring all the stuff up the three flights of stairs. We’re both exhausted by the end of the day. Billy how about coming home for dinner and then I’ll give you a lift back here tomorrow morning. And you can get a good meal and sleep in a comfortable bed?”

I want to say no, but I am exhausted and hungry. “OK, sure that would be great. I’m starving. Do you know what Mom’s making for dinner?”

“Oh, she told me she was making tortellini and meatballs tonight. Isn’t that one of your favorites?”

“Yeah, yeah it is.” And so, I stay over for the second last night at my childhood home before I move into my own place. I have to admit I’m really going to miss my mother’s cooking. I sleep like a log.

I hear my mom calling me from downstairs, “Billy breakfast is ready. I made your favorite eggs over easy and crispy bacon.” I realize I’m going to miss more than my mother’s cooking. I’m going to miss my mother. You probably won’t believe this but for a moment I have to fight back the tears. I’ll deny it if you ever tell anyone I said that. But my parents are the best, especially my mom. The smell of the bacon frying calls me downstairs and I just throw on yesterday’s shirt and pants, dirty socks, and old sneakers. I consider washing my face but decide it’s not worth the trouble since I’ll be sweaty and dirty in a couple of hours.

I swallow the last bite of a bacon and egg sandwich and sigh. “That was great Mom. It really hit the spot.” My mom comes over and gives me a hug. And once again I feel the urge to start crying. Really, what the hell is happening to me? I haven’t cried since I was in middle school and wasn’t picked to be on the soccer team. My day looks at me and my mom and I saw him swallow hard. “Ok, Ok that’s enough of that. We have a lot of work to do today. Marion, he isn’t going to be that far away, just over the Ben Franklin Bridge. We can see him anytime we want to.”

I look at my dad and say, “What, wait you have to call me before you show up. What if I have friends over or a girlfriend?”

“Ok, I was just making a point so your mother wouldn’t be so upset.”

We all look at each other and then I and my dad look down at the floor. My dad says, “Let’s be on our way we have a lot of heavy lifting to do and I’m not as young as I used to be.”

My mom says, “be careful don’t overdo either of you.”

“We’ll be fine. Marion, I probably won’t be back until dinner time so don’t make any big meals just in case I’m late. See you later.” He grabs his car keys from the hook and heads out the door.

I stand up and my mom hugs me again, “Don’t be a stranger. And let me know when we can come to visit and see your new place.”

“Ok, Mom but I don’t know if three people can fit into my apartment. Maybe one of you will have to wait in the hallway until the other one comes out.”

“What, what do you mean by that?”

“I mean it is a very tiny apartment.”

“Oh, I’m sure it will be fine. We all have to start somewhere. I know someday you’ll be a big success.”

“Thanks, Mom you were always my best cheerleader. Thanks for having faith in me.” This time I give her a hug. I realize I will miss hugging her and smelling of Chanel number five.”

I turn quickly away and take a deep breath and take my first step forward into my future. Then I start double-stepping it because I hear my father honking his horn impatiently. When I get up to the car, I open the door and say, “calm down, calm down will ya?”

“Get in, get in we don’t have all day. I have other things to do you know?”

“Sorry, Dad didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

“Yeah, I know women always got to make everything a big emotional thing.”

I take a good look at my father and his eyes are all red. “Ok dad let’s get going.”

An hour later we were looking for a parking spot in front of my building we kept going round and round the block. On our fourth go-round a car finally pulled out and my dad expertly backs right into it. Luckily, his van had doors on the side and we can get my stuff out.

Two hours later we took our last load of my stuff up the three flights of stairs. I feel like I’m going to pass out. I can only imagine what my old man feels like. When we get inside, I go in the fridge, and lo and behold the former tenant left two bottles of Pepsi in the fridge. “Hey Dad, guess what? Two bottles of Pepsi, cold Pepsi.”

“What, you’re kidding. So, hand it over, hand it over. I’m about to die over here.”

Three hours later we had just about finished everything. I don’t think I could possibly fit one more thing in my new apartment. “Dad, I can’t believe it, but we’re done. How about we throw some water on our faces and get some lunch. I noticed there was a little luncheonette down the street. What do you say? My treat.”

“I say, hell yeah lead the way.”

We threw some water on our faces from the little sink, and wash our hands without soap because I forgot to bring any, and we head out to the EL Merkury.
El Merkury has everything you didn’t know you were craving until the moment you start eating it. My dad and I both ordered the black bean and cheese-stuffed pupusas and ice cream sundaes. I honestly thought I was going to throw up I ate so much. My dad says, “well, I don’t think I’ll be able to eat dinner tonight.”

“Me either, but that’s probably because I didn’t do any food shopping yet.”

“You’ll survive. When your mother and I first got married we hardly had any money and we ate beans and hotdogs for weeks at a time. And popsicles for dessert. I couldn’t eat hotdogs or popsicles for years after that. I know you are going to do great in the city. In fact, I envy you. Your whole life is ahead of you. I know you will be successful but it will take time and hard work. That’s about all the advice I have for you. I’m going to be on my way now. My last words are don’t be a stranger. Remember if you ever need us we will be there for you. And then he came over and gave my shoulders a squeeze and turned and walked out the door. And that is when what tear I had been holding back all day slid down my cheek along with a whole lot of other tears. I wiped them away with the back of my hand. I pushed my seat back put a tip on the table and walked over to the counter and paid my bill. “Thanks that was great,”  I said to the cashier. She gave me a big smile, and said,” please come again.” And I walked out the door and into my new life.

As I was going out the door, I heard the jukebox playing some old song called, GROWING UP IS HARD TO DO BY the Ginger Snaps. “What else can I say? It ain’t easy.”

 

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