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JUST ANOTHER BORING MORNING IN MAYBERRY

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     Monday was an ordinary day like any other. I woke up early and lay in my bed for another twenty minutes or so. And then, I finally managed to gather enough energy to drag myself out of bed and throw my legs over the side. I slowly walked over to my bedroom window and gazed out across our yard and at my neighbor’s front yard. Suddenly, I heard a weird sound, and It sounded like a high-pitched moaning.

I couldn’t see what was causing the ruckus, so I opened my window even further and hung out as far as I could. My heart was beating like a snare drum. I could hear my heartbeat wildly. I felt somewhat lightheaded, and I feared I might pass out. or accidentally fall out of my window. I felt sick to my stomach. I have a tendency to be somewhat of a drama queen. At least, that is what my mother always says about me. I am afraid of everything, including bugs, snakes, mice, and big dogs. You name it, and I’m afraid of it. 

Ever so slowly, I pulled myself back into my bedroom window and flopped down on my unmade bed. I lay there until I felt my heart beating normally, and I was breathing in and out, in and out. And my head stopped spinning. Sometimes, I have the feeling that I must be one of the most neurotic people in the world. In my mind, every little thing can become a catastrophe.

I decided to go downstairs and out my front door to see what the heck was going on. As I exited my front door, I heard one of my neighbors scream stop, stop, stop, my son is in that coach. I thought, what in the world is going on? So, against my better judgment, I ran out the door in my pajamas and across my front yard to the curb where my neighbor, Mrs. Rice, was yelling, “Stop, stop, stop. For the love of god, stop.”

I screamed at the top of my lungs, “What’s going on, Mrs. Rice?” And she said, “ Oh, Jennifer, my son was sleeping in his coach, and I turned my back for a moment because I heard my husband calling me.” And when I turned back around, my baby was gone. And the car that was parked next to it was driving down the street like a maniac.

“Mrs. Rice, “call the police, call the police.” And she did. She was yelling on the phone that someone who was driving a lime green pickup truck grabbed her baby out of his coach when she turned her back for a moment. That she only looked away for a moment to pick up his bottle. That she had dropped out of the coach accidentally.

She described the man driving the vehicle. He looked middle-aged and had a balding head and a mustache. And he was smoking a big cigar. His car looked like it had seen better days. And it looked as if it had been used for target practice. It had bullet holes on it on the front hood and the back window. The car was headed toward Fork Landing Road at a high rate of speed toward Route 38. Then she told the police her address. She explained where she was standing on the sidewalk next to the street, and “Please hurry.’

I stood next to her and held her hand because she had begun crying her eyes out. And she kept saying over and over, “Oh please bring back my baby, please bring back my baby.” The police finally arrived about fifteen minutes later. One of the police cruisers came down the street and pulled up next to the curb where we were standing. What looked like a giant got out of the police car and said, “ Mrs. Rice? I’m Officer Brown. One of my officers has cited the car that you described. And no doubt he will be able to stop the car and retrieve your son as quickly and safely as possible. Please calm down.

And then he looked down at me, “Well, was that your brother that the man took? “No, I only have a little sister. She’s a pest. She’s in my house watching cartoons. I saw this Mrs. Rice out here screaming and crying, “Stop, stop, stop.” And she told me that someone had grabbed her baby. And that he drove away in a car. And I told her to “Call the police.”

“Well, that was a good thing for you to do. Otherwise, the stranger could get far, far away.”

I looked at the police officer and smiled, and I thought, maybe someday I could become a police officer and save someone’s life.

The police officer said, “Hold on I’m getting a call from the officer that is chasing the get-a-way car.”

I looked at Mrs. Rice. Her face was pale but had big blotches of red all over it. She looked as if she was going to be sick to her stomach any minute. I took her hand again. It was all sweaty, but I didn’t let go of it until I heard another officer speaking to Officer Brown on his walky-talky. At least, that’s what I think they are called. And then he hung up. And looked at Mrs. Rice right in the face and said,” Good news. The kidnapper has been apprehended, and Officer McMullen is bringing your baby back. And he is perfectly fine and slept through the whole ordeal. They’ll be here any minute.”

And then Mrs. Rice started crying again. Big tears ran down her face. I couldn’t figure out why she started crying again. But I squeezed her hand and said, “Now, now, it’s going to be alright.” My mother always says that to me when I’m upset. And for some reason, she cried even harder. The officer looked at me and said, “You did a good thing telling her to call the police and staying with her until she got her baby back.

“Oh, here comes the squad car. Everything will be alright. You will need to come to the police headquarters first thing tomorrow to make a statement. Can you do that?”

Mrs. Rice shook her head up and down, and tears continued running down her cheeks and onto her coat. A moment later, another police car turned onto our street and slowly drove next to the curb where we were all standing. After parking the police car, the officer came out of his driver’s seat. He swung open the door, and we could see a baby that was lying in a blanket with a seat belt across it. The baby woke up and started screaming at the top of his lungs. Mrs. Rice reached in and picked up her baby, and tears rolled down her cheeks again. But, in that exact moment, a smile appeared across her face. “Thank you, officers, for saving my baby. I will be at the police station first thing tomorrow morning. And thank you so much.

“You’re welcome mam. I’m happy that everything turned out alright. It’s good that you kept calm and that you called the police right after it happened. Mrs. Rice still had tears running down her face, but a smile was on her face. Too. She said, “Thank you again, Jennifer, you saved the day.” What? No, I didn’t do anything. I just happened to be here right after it happened. The police were the heroes. I’m glad everything turned out alright. I have to be going now, I’m going to be late. Jennifer didn’t really have any place she had to be. She just felt uncomfortable getting all that attention. She wasn’t even going to mention anything to her Mom. She would make a big deal about it even though she knew that Jennifer didn’t like to be the center of attention.

Jennifer was about to head home when she saw what appeared to be a small dog or puppy running out into the street. Jennifer looked toward the house where the dog came from and didn’t see anybody outside looking for the puppy. But, the door was wide open. For a moment, she considered continuing on her way. But then she saw a car coming down the street in the direction of the puppy. So, she ran as fast as she could, grabbed the puppy, and ran out of the street to the sidewalk. She was slightly out of breath, and the puppy was whining and squirming in her arms. And she almost dropped him. “Good grief, puppy,  hold still. I’ll take you back home where you’ll be safe.

So Jennifer carried the puppy back to the house that the puppy came out of and yelled into the front door of the house that the puppy came out of a few moments ago. “Hello, hello, is anyone home? I found your puppy running across the street. And then she yelled as loud as she could,” HELLO, HELLO, ANYBODY HOME?”

After what seemed a long, long time, she saw an old lady walk towards her from the back of the house. She said, “Can I help you, young lady?”

Jennifer said, “I was across the street, and your puppy ran outside into the street because the front door was wide open. So, I grabbed her and brought her back here. The old woman said,” Oh my, thank you so much. I must have forgotten to close the door after I got my mail. Sometimes I get forgetful. Thank you so much. I am puppy-sitting this week for my granddaughter. She went on vacation with some friends of hers. She is supposed to come back today. Oh, she would have been so upset if something happened to Arnold. Jennifer stared at the woman and said, “Oh? Whose Arnold?” That’s the dog’s name, Arnold. Thanks so much. Would you like to come in and have a piece of cake? I just took it out of the oven. That’s why I was preoccupied. And I’ll give you a big, cold glass of milk. What do you say?”

“Well, I would love that, but I’m not supposed to go into strangers’ houses.”

“Of course, you’re not. How thoughtless of me. How about I cut you a piece, and you can take it home with you and eat it after you eat lunch?”
“Yes, I would love that. I hope it’s a chocolate cake. That’s my favorite.”

“It is chocolate cake. This is your lucky day. Wait here. I’ll take the puppy and be right back. I’m going to put him in the front bedroom for a little while. Maybe he’ll take a nap. He has way too much energy for me to keep up with him. A couple of minutes later, the old woman slowly returned to her front door. I’m sorry for being so rude. I didn’t even ask what your name is.

“Oh, that’s OK. My name is Jennifer. I live down the street. I’m going to save this cake for after lunch because my mother doesn’t like me to eat sweets until after lunch. It looks delicious, and chocolate is my favorite.”

“Well, Jennifer, thank you for saving the puppy. Please feel free to stop by for a visit anytime. I would love to have you visit once in a while.”

“ Really, I would like to visit sometime too. I hardly ever see my grandmom.” Jennifer continued her walk down the street, wondering what was going to happen next. She couldn’t wait until dinner to tell her family about all her adventures today. In fact, every day, something interesting or exciting happens to Jennifer. And she would come home at lunch or dinner and share her exciting experiences. But nobody in her family believed her stories. They thought she just had an active imagination. But Jennifer didn’t make things up. She was sure her family wouldn’t believe her this time either.

Sure enough, when Jennifer’s mother called her to come home for dinner, and after everyone sat down to eat, Jennifer began telling of her adventures that day and how she was a heroine. But, once again, no one believed her. That is until the next day when their local newspaper arrived early that morning. And on the first page of the World News and Daily Report, which was the name of their local small-town newspaper. There was a story on the first page relating to Jennifer’s experiences helping save the baby and the puppy.

Jennifer’s family was flabbergasted. But they all stood up and clapped for her heroism. And Jennifer was so happy and proud that she almost started crying. Her mother gave her a big hug and said, “You’re a hero. We are so proud of you. Jennifer blushed and bowed and said, “I can’t wait to tell you what happened today.” her family all grew as one, and then they laughed when the first words out of her mouth were, “Well, first of all, I saw an eight-foot-tall man getting an icecream at the Custard Stand and then I saw an old man riding a unicycle down Main Street.”
Her whole family laughed, and then they clapped. One thing is for sure: there was never a dull moment in their house when Jennifer was around. And they all gave her a big hug.

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MY FIRST BEST FRIEND, MRS. MCFARLAND

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I grew up in a small town in New Jersey, South Jersey, to be more specific. The town I grew up in was called Maple Shade. I always assumed it was called Maple Shade because of the many Maple trees that grew there from one end of Maple Shade to another.

I believed that Maple Shade was a great place to grow up. Of course, my life experience at nine or ten was somewhat limited. But, as far as I was concerned, it was heaven on earth. Especially in the 1950s through the 1960s when I was growing up.

I clearly remember my mother standing on the street curb outside our house with me by her side, and she was teaching me how to cross the street safely. She said, “Before you cross the street, look to the right and then to the left, and then to the right again. If no cars are coming in either direction, it will be safe to cross the street. She practiced with me several times, and then she said, “You are on your own, be careful. Before you go anywhere, let me know where you are going. Understand?”

“Yes, Mom, I understand, right, left, right, then cross the street.”

“OK, now keep your eyes open, and most of all, don’t be late for lunch or dinner.” And then she went back into the house. I guess she was going to clean the house. That is what she did most of her days unless she was cooking. She did a lot of cooking. We had a big family.

After I crossed the street, I went directly across the street to Mrs McFarland’s yard. She was our neighbor, and I loved her so much. She was really, really old. She lived alone because her husband had died a long time ago. And if she had any children, they had all grown up and moved away. I never met them.

I walked up her path to her side door and knocked. I could hear her walking towards the door. When she opened the door, she said, “Well, isn’t this a nice surprise? Would you like to come in for a snack??? Or we can sit outside on the swing and have our snack?

“Oh, let’s eat on the swing.”

A couple of minutes later, she came out with a tray of milk and cookies. Oh, how I loved her cookies. I hope they were chocolate chip. Mrs. McFarland sat down on the swing and said, “Here we go, your favorite chocolate chip. I smiled from ear to ear. Mrs. McFarland had one whole arm and one-half arm. What I mean is her left arm only went down to her elbow, and the rest of her arm was missing. I was always amazed that she never let that bother her at all. She managed to do everything she had to do with one and a half arms. And her cookies were delicious. Sometimes, she brought her doll outside that she had since she was a kid. And She would let me change her clothes. She told me the doll was made from china, which I didn’t understand. When I asked my father what china was, he told me it was a country very far away. Sometimes, I would bring my doll over and play dolls together. Other times, my best girlfriend brought her doll, and we would all play with dolls.

But what I loved to do the most was walk around her yard, which had flowers growing all over it. But, my favorite flowers grew in the Spring, and she called them tulips. She had red tulips. And they were so beautiful. Sometimes, she let me cut a tulip and take it home to my mother.

While we sat and swung back and forth on the swing, she told me all about herself when she was little. I wished I was little when she was so I could play with her every day. But I guess I was lucky to have her as a friend now. The fact is I really loved Mrs. McFarland. And I didn’t care one bit about her only having one half of an arm. Anytime I saw Mrs. McFarland out in her yard, I went over and visited her. She was my best friend. One day, she said, “How about we walk out to the corner of my yard, and you can try climbing up the tree?”

I screamed at the top of my lungs,” Yes, yes, yes. Let’s”

“Well, I can’t climb the tree, but I’ll stand next to the tree and keep you safe.” And she did. After that, I took every opportunity to climb that tree and any other tree I saw around town. Sometimes, I fell, but I just got black and blue marks on my arms and legs. My mother would say, “What in the world have you been up to?”

“Nothing, Mom, just playing in the tree.”

My mother said, “Well, you have to be more careful. My father said, “Let her be. Kids will be kids.” And so, after that, she would say, be careful. When I was a kid, I would tell my mother that I was going out for a bike ride. She would say, be home in time for lunch. I would listen for the church bells to ring at noon time. We lived two doors down from the Catholic church, and then I would run as fast as I could home. Because if my father was home, it wasn’t a good idea to be late for lunch or dinner. When I got home, I would rush through the front door, and my mother would say, “Go wash your hands and face before you sit down. We almost always had the same thing for lunch every day: Lebanon Bologna sandwiches with chicking noodle soup or sometimes Alphabet soup. I loved making words in the soup with the noodles that were in the shape of the alphabet letters. My father would say,” Stop playing with your food. And my mother would say, “Oh, leave her alone. She’s just a little kid.

As time went by, I grew up and visited my friend Mrs. McFarland less and less. I was always busy with my neighborhood friends and my school friends, who came over after school. There was never a shortage of kids around town to play with after school and during the summer.

Eventually, I graduated from elementary school and went on to high school. We had to take an entrance exam to get into Catholic High Schools. I was sure that I failed, but as it turned out, I passed both tests, the one for St. Mary of the Angels Academy and Holy Cross High School. My parents decided that I would attend St. Mary of the Angels Academy. I had to take a bus to go back and forth to high school. As time went by, I didn’t see Mrs. McFarland anymore. She didn’t come outside since she was having difficulty walking, and I didn’t see her working in the garden anymore.

Then, one day, I was sitting at the kitchen table, and someone knocked at our front door. I got up and opened the door. It was an older man, and for some reason, he looked very upset. My mother came to the door and said, “Can I help you?” He said, “ I was just across the street at Mrs. McFarland’s house. I am her insurance man. And she had a heart attack and died right in front of me.” And then he started crying. I never saw a grown man cry before. My mother told him to please sit down. He did. The tears were streaming down his face. I looked at my mom, and she looked at me. And then we both started crying. I felt really bad because I hadn’t visited her for a long time. And I wish I had. I never saw Mrs. McFarland again. Someone else bought her house and rented out the top part of the house to someone else. They took Mrs. McFarland’s swing down, and about a year later, they cut down her Weeping Willow tree one day. I’ll never understand why. I cried all over again.

I will always remember Mrs. McFarland even though I am now the age she was when she became my first friend.

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NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER

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As a child, I had a highly active imagination. Every day I would come home and regale my family at dinner time with stories about my daytime activities. I realize now that my family didn’t always believe my stories, but nonetheless, I continued. I have to admit that, at times, I may have exaggerated my stories. But, in fact, there was always some truth.

White rabbit with pink eyes

One night as we all sat down to eat our dinner, I said, “I saw a strange-looking lady walking down the street?”

One of my older sisters moaned and said, “oh no, here we go again, and they all rolled their eyes. I knew this meant that they weren’t going to believe a word I said. But I said, “it’s the truth. This afternoon I was sitting on the front step, and I saw a woman walking down our street. She had just gotten off the public bus on the corner of Main Street. And she walked in the direction of our house. I wanted to say “hello, so I walked down our front sidewalk and started playing hopscotch on the sidewalk closest to the street. When she was about to come near me, I looked at her and said, “hello.”

That is when I realized that she was kind of different looking. She had a young face, but her hair and eyebrows were completely white. And the strangest thing of all was that she had pink eyes, not blue, not brown or black. Her hair wasn’t blond like mine is. It’s white, like snow.”

“Oh, come on, Mom, you know that this is a completely made-up story. A young woman with white hair and eyebrows and PINK eyes.”

My mother said, stop making fun of your sister, she just has an active imagination. It’s not lying. She’s just telling a story.”

I got really mad at my sister because she was always telling everyone that I lied. But I don’t lie. I like to tell stories about what happens to me every day when I’m outside. And besides, the lady told me her name was Barbara. and that she at the end of our street in the house that has the apartments upstairs. And she works in a building in Philadelphia. I asked her what she did, and she told me that she types. And then she said, I better get home because I live with my mother, and she’s sick, and I have to cook her dinner. I asked her what she was making for dinner, and she said baked macaroni. I told her that was one of my favorite dinners. And she said she would save some for me and drop it off when she got home tomorrow.”

My other sister, said, “oh boy, that’s one of biggest whoppers she ever told. A young woman with white hair, white eyebrows, and pink eyes. Maybe she is part rabbit or something. My friend, Christine had a white rabbit with pink eyes.” And that is when everybody looked at me and started laughing. And that is when I decided I wasn’t going to tell anyone in my family my stories. And my mother said, “leave the child alone she just has a wild imagination, and that’s a good thing.” Everyone looked at me and that at my mother and laugher. My father said, “that enough.”

The next day I was sitting on my front step, waiting for my new friend to come down the street. And sure enough, a few minutes later, she just got off the bus. And she was carrying something in her hands. As she walked up towards me, she called out, “hello, I was hoping you would be here. I brought you a surprise. Remember I told you I would bring you some of the macaroni and cheese? Well, here it is, and it was really delicious. I hope you like it.”

“You did. Oh, thank you so much. I can’t wait to eat it. I told my family about you, and they said, that I made you up because I have a wild imagination. I told them how you had beautiful white hair and that you had pink eyes. But they didn’t believe me.”

“Oh, they didn’t well when you give them some of my macaroni and cheese. You tell them that said, hello and I hope they like my casserole. I will look forward to seeing you again if you are outside when I get off the bus. I was telling my mother last night that I had made a new friend. And she was happy for me, you know you can never have enough friends in life. Life would be empty if we didn’t have friends, wouldn’t it?” By the way, what is your name? I forgot to ask you?” And you can tell your family my name and tell them I have something called Albinism, and that is why my eyes look pink, and I have white hair.”


Just then, I heard my mother call my name. My name is Susan, but my daddy calls me Susie-Q. You can call me that. Because you’re my special friend.”

“Well, thank you, Susie-Q, that’s the nicest thing anyone ever said to me. And you‘re my special friend too. I hope you enjoy the macaroni. I’ll see you tomorrow. I look forward to it. Maybe you can ask your mother if you can walk me home sometime. I get lonely walking by myself.”

“Really, I would like that. I’ll ask my mom tonight at dinner. And that is exactly what I did, but my mother said, “well, maybe tomorrow I should wait outside with you so I can meet your new friend. Would that be alright?”

“Sure.” And that next afternoon, I was so excited about seeing my new friend that I went out there right after I got out of school at 3 o’clock. So, I had to wait a long time. Then I saw her getting off the bus, and I ran into the house to tell my mother. My mother said, “hold your horses, Susan. I’ll be right out.

And just as Barbara was out in front of our yard, my mother came up the sidewalk and said, “hello, I’m Susan’s mother. She has been so excited about me meeting you. Thank you for being so kind to my daughter, and the macaroni was delicious. I brought your dish back. And as a thank you, I filled it with my special Tuna Fish surprise casserole. I hope you like it.”

“Well, thank you. This has been a great week for surprises. I made a new friend. And now I don’t have to cook dinner tonight. Well, I better be on my way. My mother is probably looking out the front door for me. She’s alone all day, and she doesn’t get out very much.”

“Really well, she is welcome to come down and visit me anytime. Right now, I’m a stay-at-home mom. My husband sleeps all day because he works at night at the Callohill bus depot in Philadelphia. He is the head dispatcher.”

“Really, I walk right by that depot when I leave my job, and I take the bus home. That’s a coincidence. Maybe I’ll stop by and introduce myself one day. What’s his name? His name is Hugh, everybody knows him at the bus depot. And my name is Marie. And you already know our Susie-Q.”

“So, Susan, it was my lucky day when I met you. I made two friends.”

“Mom, can I walk Barbara to her house? I promise I’ll come straight back. I won’t be late for dinner.”

“Alright, Susan, but come right back, or you’ll be late for dinner, and you know that’s a no-no at our house. It was great meeting you, Barbara. I hope Susan doesn’t talk your ear off. She does love to tell her stories.”

“OK, mom, I’ll be right back after I walk Barbara to her house. I won’t be late.”

And that is how I met my new best friend. And every day after that, I would wait on my front step for Barbara to get off the bus on the corner, and then I would walk her home. Sometimes, she gave me some homemade cookies to take home to my mom and sisters. And one day, she asked my mother if it would be alright if I came to her house to have dinner with her and her Mom.

And a week later, I walked with Barbara to her house, and I had dinner with her mother and Barbara. And we had my favorite dinner, hot dogs and beans. And Barbara had made my favorite chocolate chip cookies.

It’s like my mother always said, “don’t pick a book by its cover. Or you’ll never know what treasure you will miss.

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My Guardian Angel

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I grew up in Maple Shade, New Jersey. Our house was located two doors down from the Catholic Church. I attended Our Lady of Perpetual Help Elementary School. Maple Shade is a working-class town, which is located an hours drive from Philadelphia, Pa. The elementary school is right next door to the church. So, we were within shouting distance from the school and the church. Needless to say, going to Catholic School for twelve years had a profound and long-lasting effect on me as I was growing up.

The high school I attended was Saint Mary of the Angels Academy. It’s an all-girls college prep school. It was located in Haddonfield, New Jersey, which is a town that, for the most part, was inhabited by wealthy families. 

St. Joseph nuns taught me all through grade school except for third grade when I had a lay teacher Miss Norris, and the fifth grade when I had Mr. Mc Elliot. He was the only male teacher I had through twelve years of school. The St. Joseph sisters had a reputation as being strict. And not adverse to using physical punishment if you got out of line or disobeyed their instructions. I had my head knocked against the blackboard more than once. And my hand whacked with a ruler that had a sharp metal edge. Most often, I was caught whispering to one of my friends.

For the most part, I was a quiet child and kept out of trouble. But, occasionally, my mischievous nature would get the best of me, and I would act out. For instance, we had to attend Mass on Sunday at nine o’clock, and all the students sat in the same seats every Sunday.

I thought it was funny to get my girlfriends to start laughing about halfway through Mass which usually lasted about an hour. One Sunday, there happened to be an older woman sitting in front of me, and she had a coat hanger sticking out of her winter coat on the back of her neck. And every time she had to sit down, the hook of the hanger would poke her in the back of her neck. It was just out of reach of her hand, and so she was tortured by the hanger poking her for well over an hour. I thought this was hilarious, and so I pointed at the lady to all my friends sitting next to me in the aisle. And we would all laugh every time the hanger mauled her. We tried to keep the laughter down to a low roar, but we weren’t always successful.

Soon Sister St. Joseph would come sweeping down the aisle to admonish me with her giant rosery that would swing back and forth from her waist to admonish me. And she would warn us that if we better quiet down. And we would someday be punished for our sins. Hell, was the place she assured us would be the place we would end up in for all eternity.

I always felt this was a somewhat extreme punishment for children. And besides, it was a well-known fact taught to us by these self-same St. Joseph nuns that we all had a guardian angel assigned to us after we were baptized. And the guardian angel would protect us for all time. He would be sitting over our right shoulders. And it was his job to protect us from the slings and arrows that life threw at us, and that included Sister Saint Joseph and the threat of eternal fires of hell.

At the time I reached the eighth grade, my class was informed that we would have to take entrance exams if we wanted to continue with our Catholic education. There were two Catholic High Schools in the area. Holy Cross High School and St. Mary of the Angels Academy, an all-girl high school.

After we took the entrance exams, I was flabbergasted to find out that I not had not only passed the entrance exam but did quite well. I was sure that I had failed them. Since almost on a daily basis, one of the dear nuns would inform me of how stupid I was. It took many years for me to overcome my self-doubt regarding my intelligence and start to believe in myself and my intelligence, and rebuild my self-confidence.

Outside of the classroom and when I was on my own or with my friends, I felt confident in myself. It didn’t really occur to me that there was anything I couldn’t do. Even though it wasn’t true, I would often take chances and do things that were unsafe. During the summer, I wanted to go swimming. But the fact was I had never been in a pool or lake where the water was over my head. No one had ever taught me to swim. And yet, when our neighbors down the street had a built-in swimming pool installed. And I was determined that I was going to go swimming in that pool.

The Pheiffers were the only family that had a pool, and I was certain that they were rich beyond my wildest dreams. Of course, that wasn’t true. They were working-class people, the same as my parents. They just had fewer kids in their families. I would often walk down the street and knock at their door. And ask if I could go swimming. I guess I made somewhat of a pest, and eventually, they gave in. And they invited my best friend and me to go swimming in their pool on one of the hottest summer days. I was wearing one of my sister’s hand-me-down swimming suits that were a size too big for me. But that didn’t stop me from going swimming. And the fact that I had no clue how to swim didn’t dissuade me in the least. Mrs. Pheiffer informed me that I should not go into the pool by myself because she didn’t want anything untoward to happen to me or any of the other neighborhood kids.

And so, on that beautiful summer day, I walked down to the deep end of the swimming pool, counted to ten, and jumped in a while, holding my nose into water that was over six feet deep. The water wasn’t heated. And it was a shock when I hit the cold water and sank like a rock to the bottom, which was well over my head. I had no clue what to do. But it was clear to me that I was going to drown. I began flailing my arms and legs, trying to propel my head and shoulders out of the water. I was swallowing the water and gasping for air at the same time.

I started praying for my guardian angel to come and rescue me. I couldn’t imagine what he was waiting for. It was clear I wasn’t going to last much longer. So, I opened up my eyes, and I saw one of the other bigger kids nearby. It looked like Denny Pheiffer. He was several years older than me. And quite a bit bigger. When he got closer to me, I propelled myself toward him with whatever remaining strength I had left. And low and behold, I got close enough to him to grab hold of him around his stomach. He tried to push me off since I was pulling him down. But he soon realized that I wasn’t going to let go of him. And he started swimming toward the side of the pool that was a few feet away.

And after what seemed like an eternity, Denny managed to get the two of us to safety with no help from me. But, I got plenty of help from my guardian angel, who I had been praying two the whole time. It seemed like a lifetime but probably was only a few minutes. I grabbed ahold of the side of the pool, and Denny swam away. I started crying, and Denny’s older brother Joey was yelling for his mother to come outside. Mrs. Pheiffer demanded to know what had happened, and Denny said, “she grabbed ahold of me at the deep end and pulled us both under the water. She almost drowned us both.”

Mrs. Pheiffer said, “are you alright, Susie?”

“Yes, I am. My guardian angel saved me.”

And then Denny just snorted at me and said,” Oh yeah, right. So, how come you were hanging on me and almost drowned us both?”

“She saved us both. And I folded my arms in front of me, which is what I did when I had no desire to discuss something further. In other words, I was done talking. You could believe me or not.”

Mrs. Pheiffer said, “alright, I think it is a good time for all of you to go home. And Susie, you need to learn how to swim before you go into the deep end again. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do.” And I grabbed my towel and headed home and headed for my house, which was at the other end of the street, two houses down from Our Lady of Perpetual Help church. I decided that after I got changed, I was going to go up to the church and say a few prayers to thank my guardian angel for saving my life.

And that night, before I went to sleep, I said a prayer to my guardian angel. Angel of God, my guardian dear, To whom God’s love commits me here, Ever this day, be at my side, To light and guard, Rule and guide.

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REPEAT AFTER ME

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Blue and Gold Macaw

My best friend Kathleen told me that she is moving out of state to Arizona because she was offered a new job, higher pay, and a promotion. I can’t lie I was devasted by the news.  She lived on the same block as I did. We were in the same classroom all through grade school. When we graduated from high school we attended the same Junior College, but I went on to university and she got a job as an office manager and head accountant at a law firm. I had my heart set on becoming a famous writer. And to that end, I applied at Temple University in Philadelphia and went on to get my Master’s Degree.

Meanwhile, Kathleen moved slowly but surely up that corporate ladder. And by the time I was working at the Philadelphia Inquirer as a cub reporter by day and wrote short stories at night and sent them off to all the local magazines. Meanwhile, in my free time, I was working on a novel that I hoped would finally launch me into the public eye as an up-and-coming author.

Kathleen wrote me occasional emails and about once a month we would get together for drinks and dinner. The last time I saw her we went to the Medford Inn for dinner. It is a posh restaurant about thirty minutes from my home. Sometimes it takes a month to get your name on the waiting list for dinner reservations. But Kathleen was a rising star and she had no difficulty getting reservations anywhere. Meanwhile, I was working out the kinks in my latest novel and I hoped and prayed that this book would make it to the best sellers list so I could quit my reporter’s job and spend all my time writing. 

As I was saying Kathleen contacted me by text and ask me to meet her at the Medford Inn for dinner on Friday night at seven o’clock. I was so excited just to get out of my tiny apartment and out into the real world. It took me an hour to finally decided on what outfit to wear. I really can’t afford to shop where Kathleen does. However, I do shop in thrift shops that only accept top-of-the-line clothes. And the prices can’t be beaten. Designer clothes that look like they just came off the rack at Berghoff Goodman and probably did, but were worn maybe two or three times before. 

So, I was right on time as usual but Kathleen as usual was late. After about a half hour when I was beginning to lose my patience with her, she came strolling in the door. When she walked through that door all eyes were riveted on her. I have never seen her look more beautiful. If I didn’t love her like a sister, I would have been green with jealousy. She walked over to my table and leaned over and kissed me on my left cheek. But there was something about her expression that made me worry. I hoped it wasn’t bad news. She told me about a month ago that her mother wasn’t well. I hoped she hadn’t taken a turn for the worse. 

Kathleen sat down across from me and took my hand. “Ellen dear, I have some good news and some bad news.” 

 I swallowed hard and said, “oh no is your mother alright?” 

“My mother, oh no, actually she is feeling much better. Let’s order some wine and I’ll tell you my news.” About ten minutes later I said, “come on Kathleen spill the beans. I can’t take the tension anymore. I’ve been on pins and needles since you told me you had news to tell me. So, tell already, enough.” 

“Well, I just got offered a new job, and no lie. It’s what I’ve been dreaming about doing since I graduated from school. And I’ve been working my butt off ever since. And I finally got the big payoff.  

 The bad news is that I have to move to Arizona. My company is opening up a new office there and I am going to be the Vice President and hopefully at some point president. I am really over the moon at this point. I’m so excited. And in addition, I was given the option of taking my office staff with me.” 

“Wow, congratulations I have no words. I’m so proud of you. I always knew that you would be a success but this promotion is awesome. And you deserve it. You are one of the most intelligent, hardworking people I know. “ 

“Oh, and there’s one move thing Ellen, I have a big favor to ask.” 

“Oh, you know Harry?” 

“Harry, Harry who?” 

“My parrot, Harry. “ 

“Oh yeah, Harry. I forgot all about him. What about him?” 

“Could you take him, I’m going to be so busy with my new job and responsibilities that I won’t have any time to spend with him. I don’t want to give him to a stranger. I love him. What do you say?” 

“I don’t know what to say, I would do anything for you. But, take your parrot. I mean parrots take a lot of time and are messy and they live a long, long time. And he’s really noisy, isn’t he? I have to have peace and quiet when I’m writing. I can’t have a bird squawking all night and day.” 

“Please Ellen, I’m begging you. I asked everyone that I know and you’re my last hope. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t want to give him to a stranger. I know you will come to love him. He is a lot of company and he’s brilliant. He learns new words easily. He’ll keep you company. You spend so much time alone. It will be good for you. I’ll buy all his food and treats for him before I leave. I’ll trim his claws tool. Please, please I never really ask you for a big favor before. You’re my best friend and I trust you.” 

“OK, OK. I’ve never really been able to say no to you. When are you leaving?”  

“Well, next week. I know that’s short notice. But I got to get this new office up and running asap. What is a good time for me to bring him over, how about at the end of the week on Friday at noon time?” 

“OK, well congratulations on your new job. I’ll miss you like crazy. This will be only the second time we will be living so far apart. But I guess it would have happened sometime. So, I better get going I have a lot of rewriting to do today. I only have five more chapters to go through and then I’ll be sending my new book to the publishers. I’m hoping this book will be the one that gets my books in all the bookstores and finally make a decent living.” 

“You know that I think you are one of best writers I know. I’ll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you. But you don’t need good luck, you’re the best writer I know. So, I’ll see you tomorrow at about noon with your new best buddy.” 

The next day at twelve noon sharp Kelly walked slowly to her front door as her doorbell rang over and over again. “I’m coming, I’m coming. Take it easy already. Kelly peeked out the front window and saw a strange-looking face looking back at her and nearly screamed. When she realized it was Harry the parrot looking back at her. She forgot how big he was. She opened the door and there stood Kathleen with Harry in tow.  

“Good lord, I forgot how big Harry was. What kind of parrot is he Kathleen? He s a Macaw Kelly. I know you too are really going to get along like gangbusters. There’s never a dull moment when Harry’s around. Can you hold him for a few minutes while I bring all his stuff into the house? He has a big cage, but I only put him in it a night. Where do you want his cage ?” 

“Where did I want it? I forgot he even had a cage. I guess you’ll have to put it on the back porch it’s enclosed and I can put a portable heater in there.” 

“Oh, I also have a big perch that he sits on when he’s inside. You might want to put newspaper underneath it and change the papers every day. He doesn’t really make too much mess, but you have to clean off his perch and clean out his cage. Maybe you can go get his perch from the back of my van and I’ll hold Harry for you. Then you’ll have to get newspapers to put under the perch.” 

OK, I’ll go get the perch and anything else I can carry in while I’m at it. As Kelly walked out of the car, she started to feel like this was going to be one of the worse mistakes of her life. How was she ever going to concentrate with that giant bird screaming all day and night? When she got to the car, she saw what appeared to be a bunch of tree limbs tied together. It was huge. She said, “good lord, out loud. “This is too much what have I gotten myself into?” 

Kelly pulled the perch out of the car, dragged it to the front door, shoved it in, and slammed the door shut. And that is when she heard the most horrible noise she ever heard. Kelly screamed. “Oh my god, what is that freaking noise?” 

“Oh, that was just Harry, you startled him. He’ll be fine once he gets used to his new environment. Oh, by the way, you may want to put away anything that is easily broken, Harry likes to chew on things and his beak is really strong. And until he gets used to you. Don’t put your fingers near his beak. But, don’t say anything you don’t want to be repeated. Oh,  and he can fly.” 

 So, don’t leave the window or doors open. Only let him outside if he is in his big cage. This is a step-up stick, you put it in front of him and say “step-up, step-up Harry.” And he’ll step up onto the stick and then you can put him in his cage. Here I’ll demonstrate, Kathleen put Harry on the back of the couch and then got the pick-up stick and put it in front of Harry and said, ’step up, step up Harry. And Harry immediately stepped up. See, isn’t that easy. Whenever he does something, he’s told you can reward him with a treat like a peanut.  Harry shelled the peanut and swallowed one after the other. Then he let out a sound that sounded like a fat man doing a belly laugh. 

“Good lord, he is so loud.”  

“You’ll get used to it. OK, I’m going to go get the rest of his stuff.  

“There’s more?” 

Thirty minutes later Kathleen had all Harry’s stuff in the house. Ellen was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and her heart was beating like a snare drum. She thought she might be having some kind of anxiety attack as Kathleen was at the front door and was about to leave for good. Kelly wanted to scream no, no don’t go. Take this freaking bird with you, I can’t do it. I just can’t. But she didn’t say anything. She couldn’t get the words out of her mouth. And then before she knew it Kathleen was gone, on her way to her fabulous future.  

 She was standing in her newly carpeted living room which now was festooned with giant splats of bird excrement. Kelly started to silently cry. And then she heard someone else sobbing too. It was Harry. He sounded exactly like Kelly, exactly. Kelly didn’t know if she wanted to continue crying or start laughing. Harry stared at her and he started laughing. Then they were both laughing and crying at the same time. 

By the end of the week, Kelly found out that Harry was company, loud obnoxious company. But there was never a dull moment. Sometimes Kelly would read what she was writing out loud to Harry and he would laugh and sometimes cry. And the weird thing was he seemed to laugh and cry at just the right times. Between writing and cleaning Kelly was making progress with her book. And she found herself waking up early in the morning because Harry was calling out for peanuts. And sometimes he would make insightful comments like, “get rid of that guy.” And Kelly thought yeah, Harry’s right I should get rid of that guy. And then she would be inspired in another direction.

By the end of the month, she had finished her book and had a great concept for another book. She was starting her next book when she got a call from her publisher that he loved her new novel and the idea for her next book and send her a big fat check in advance. 

Kelly went over to Harry on his perch and waved her check and said, “can you believe it we finished that book and I got an advance? Do you have any more ideas, Harry? “ 

Harry gave her the side eye and said, “Yes, Harry has plenty of ideas.” And he laughed as loud as he could. And so began the great partnership of Harry and Kelly.  

 

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THE SUMMER I MET MY BEST FRIEND

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The ancient house with the wildly overgrown garden is silent and secretive. It has been over fifty years since I lived in this town. I lived on Fellowship Road. My backyard faced Wilke’s backyard.

Old House

I can’t believe that this house is still standing, mostly intact. As I peruse my childhood memories from the early 1950s, I remember Wilke’s house looked decrepit then. I  simply can not understand how it still exists. Everything around it has changed. Almost all the homes on Poplar Avenue have either been replaced by newer homes or updated and look unrecognizable.

I have such wonderful memories of sitting under our Willow tree on a hot Summer’s day and reading a Nancy Drew mystery. Dreaming about my distant future when I, too, could become a famous female detective and solve crimes.

Occasionally while I was reading, Mrs. Wilkes would beckon me from her yard. There was shrubbery between Wilke’s backyard and ours that served as a fence that divided the two properties. But I could hear her calling out my name, “Sandy come over here. I have something to give you.”

And I would jump up and run over to the bushes. And she would be standing there with her toothless smile and her shining, green eyes. Her long gray hair would be braided and wrapped around her head. Sometimes she would braid a blue ribbon in her braid. Occasionally she would add a rose or daisy from the garden she had in her backyard. I thought she was beautiful.

On this particular afternoon, she said to me, “Sandy would you do me a favor and taste this chocolate cookie for me? I have trouble chewing them. And I want to make sure they taste good. My grandson, Francis, is coming to stay with us for the summer.”

“Sure, I would be happy to taste it.” She held out a cookie to me in her crooked and gnarled hand. I took a huge bite. “I think this is the best cookie I’ve ever had. Francis will like it. I can’t wait to meet Francis.”

I love looking at Mrs. Wilke’s backyard. The Wilkes spend almost all their free time working outside in the garden whenever the weather is warm. On the other side of the hedges, they planted a rose garden that follows a winding path throughout their back yard and continues into their front yard. There are over fifty different kinds and colors of roses. I know because one day, Mrs. Wilkes asked me if I would like to come into her backyard and smell all her beautiful roses. The aroma was overwhelming. And bees and butterflies are always visiting her garden.

On her side of the bushes, there are morning glories that bloom all summer. Early in the morning, I would run out to the bushes in the backyard to see what color the morning glories were that day. And I would pick one and give it to my mother.

My mother would put it in a glass of water and place it on the kitchen window windowsill. They are my favorite flowers. But the most beautiful thing in her garden was an ancient Weeping Willow tree that stood twenty feet taller than their old house. Mrs. Wilkes told me that it was planted by Mr. Wilkes’s grandfather, and it was the oldest tree in our town.

I love visiting Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes because they always had time to listen to me. They would sit quietly while I told them one of my stories. The summer that their grandson Francis spent there was one of the greatest summers I ever had. Francis was about ten years old, and he had bright red hair with freckles sprinkled across his face. His ears stuck out on either side, and the other kids used to make fun of him. He had the same beautiful green eyes that his grandmother had.

I spent the entire morning that Francis was supposed to arrive sitting in my backyard and reading a book. Somehow I know that Francis is going to become my best friend. I keep looking up from my book. it’s a Nancy Drew book called The Clue From The Old Wall. And it was really exciting. Nancy was protecting a treasure that was hidden in an old wall from thieves. I love reading Nancy Drew’s books because girls are hardly ever portrayed as heroes in all the books I read.

I’m having a hard time concentrating because I keep looking over at the Wilke’s to see if their decrepit old pickup truck is pulling into their dirt driveway. Their truck is so old that all the paint had been worn off by the rain, snow, and wind. But somehow, I believe it is the most beautiful truck I’ve ever seen.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, I hear them coming down Poplar Avenue. I know it’s them because I could hear their truck before I see it. It backfires every couple of minutes. It sounds like it is on its last legs, but somehow it keeps going just like the Wilkes. They pull into their driveway and slowly descend from their seats. I see a red-headed boy jumping down out of the bed of the truck with a small suitcase. That is being held closed by what looks like an old belt.

I practically jump over the bushes and manage to get scratched from head to toe. But I don’t care. I run through their backyard and up to the front. I’m yelling at the top of my voice, “Francis, your here, your here.” He looks over at me with a surprised look on his face. Because he doesn’t know who I am and how I know his name. I see the Wilke’s beautiful, wrinkled face transformed by their ear-to-ear smiles. I run over to Francis and give him a squeeze around his waist. His face turns red, but he is still smiling.

Mrs. Wilkes says, “Francis, meet your new best friend, Sandy. She lives on the other side of our backyard, and she has been waiting impatiently for you to arrive. Francis looks at me with a shy grin on his face and says,” Hi, Sandy. I’m happy to meet you.”

I look at him and say,” we’re going to have so much fun this summer. We can go swimming at the pond, ride bikes and go downtown to the shops. Especially the bakery. I just love donuts, do you? And we can roller skate on the sidewalk. And we can go to the clay pits and dig for fossils. You’ll love it here. I can hardly wait for the 4th of July. We can go downtown and ride our bikes behind the band and throw candy at everyone along Main Street. And you can meet all my other friends that live on Fellowship Road. Not to mention all my friends from school. This is going to be a great summer, you’ll see. I said this all in one breath without stopping. Francis had a huge smile on his face now, and so did the Wilkes. Oh, I almost forgot we can go to Schucks to buy penny candy. I love candy so much. And they have a jute box in there. And we can watch all the teenagers dancing. Oh, I almost forgot, on Saturdays we can go to the movies at the Roxy theater. It’s right on Main Street. It only cost a quarter. I bring my lunch with me, Lebanon Bologna and cheese. I’ll bring two, one for me and one for you.

Mrs. Wilkes laughs out loud and say’s,” doesn’t that sound great, Francis?”

“Oh, I almost forgot, there is also a bus that picks kids up at the front of the police station and takes us to the Riverside skating rink. You can rent skates if you don’t have any and skate all day for fifty cents. I always fall down about a million times. But I don’t care. It’s fun.”

Francis looks at me and then turns around and looks at his grandparents his eyes are as big as saucers, and his smile is from ear to ear. He says, ‘can we go downtown? I would love to see it. I live out in the country, and there isn’t much to see there except blueberry farms.”

“How about bringing your suitcase into the house and getting settled and having something for lunch? I made homemade chicken noodle soup, and I can make grilled cheese sandwiches. You’re invited to Sandy, but go ask your mother first?”

“Oh, I’m sure she won’t care.”
“Go ask first. All the same, Sandy.”
“Alright, I’ll go ask. I’ll be right back.”

And in less than five minutes, I was knocking at their back door. I had never been inside their house before. My house was about fifteen years old. But their house was old, really old. They used to have a farm, but they sold the land to the church when they stopped farming. The church made the land into a parking lot.

And that day was the beginning of the best summer of my whole childhood. Francis and I became best friends. And we kept in touch for many years. And then, in 1969, Francis got drafted into the army, and he was sent to Viet Nam. It was one of the saddest days of my life when I heard he got killed there. His grandparents had passed away years before that. I was always glad they didn’t have to face the loss. After that first summer, he spent every summer until he was about sixteen when the Wilkes passed away, one right after the other.

And now, here I am, visiting my old neighborhood, and I swear I can see Mr. and Mrs. Wilkes smiling out at me from their porch. I feel tears pooling up and running down my cheeks. I smile back at them, and they wave goodbye to me, and then they’re gone. I turn away and walk past the house where I lived my entire childhood and where strangers live now. And I think I was the luckiest kid in the world. I had a wonderful childhood, especially after Francis and I became best friends. The Wilkes and Francis will always live in my heart and my memory.

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Love Your Neighbors As You Love Your Enemies As They Are Probably One In The Same

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Here it is Monday morning again. The weeks seem to fly by. I’m a writer by trade. I have to produce a weekly story for an online fiction writing site. The problem is that I’m also a procrastinator. And I often wait until the last minute to start writing. Sometimes I have difficulty coming up with an original idea right away. And as the years go by, my ideas seem to flow more slowly each week.

And this week is no different. I sat at my desk for over three hours, and not a single idea came to mind. It’s eleven-thirty, and I have nothing. My mind is a complete blank. I start to panic. And at that moment, I happen to glance out my office window. And I see one of my neighbors coming out of his garage with his dog on a leash. It looks like he is about to take him for a walk. And then a delivery truck pulls up to his curb and parks. The driver emerges from the truck with a relatively large package in tow. The dog barks at him, and the closer the delivery guy comes, the louder the dog barks.

My neighbor, whose name is Jake tries to calm his dog down. He accidentally loses his grip on the dog leash, and the dog lunges at the UPS guy, and he drops the rather large package. I hear noises indicating that something fragile is in the package. And then Jake trips on the curb and falls flat on his face. Jake’s dog growls at the UPS guy, lunges at his leg, and bites down hard. As if he’s biting down on a raw steak or something. The UPS guy screams out expletives so loud that I can hear every word he says. The dog takes off down the street like a bat out of hell. The UPS guy is a close second. He looks mad as hell, and I fear for the dog’s life.

I can no longer see what is going on with UPS guy and the dog. I run to the front door, open it, and look from right to left. I don’t see either of them right away until I hear UPS guy still yelling profanities at the top of his lungs. Then I spy the dog running into our neighbor’s back yard across the street. I see Jake limping across the street and calling out Tuc a the top of his lungs. That’s the dog’s name, Tennessee Tuc. Now the dog, the UPS driver, and Jake are in the neighbors’ yard across the street.

This is the most excitement I’ve seen in our neighborhood in the five years. That’s how long we have lived here. And nothing, absolutely nothing happens here. It is a small development with twenty houses. One street runs through the development, and three streets end in cull-d-sacs. We rarely see anyone. Everyone has a garage, and they go in and out through their garages. If you’re lucky, you will catch one of the neighbors riding their lawnmowers and cutting their grass during the Spring and Summer. Otherwise, our neighborhood seems deserted. I’m not exaggerating. The neighbors do not talk to one another. Occasionally they will wave, but that is a rare occasion.

The next thing I see is a horse running across the street into our front yard. I guess you might be wondering where a horse came from. Well, believe it or not, there’s a horse farm behind our development. One day one of the horses opened the gate and took a walk across the street. And apparently, and decided to use our yard as a toilet. When I went outside, I found a large pile of horse shit. I walk across the street to the owner’s house and tell him, “one of your horses is in our yard. He doesn’t have a harness on him, so I couldn’t bring him home. He came over and took the horse home. Apparently, the horse’s name was Tina. Can you believe it?

Now, I’m having difficulty hearing or seeing what is going on. Since Jake and the dog and UPS guy are at the horse farm, the horses are becoming upset by the commotion. Tuc is barking, and Jake’s yelling for Tuc, and the UPS guy is screaming like a banshee because he is still mad as hell. Barring any common sense, I cross the street to investigate what is going on at the horse farm. Yeah, I don’t know their name either because I only saw the husband going in and out of his barn. And I never saw his wife at all. Can you believe it?

So, now I’m standing at a distance from the action, but not so far away that I can’t see and hear everything coming down. I feel like I’m watching a movie or something. I have no shame. And there is no end to how nosy I am capable of being. Well, we all have our faults. And this is mine.

Tuc is lunging at the UPS guy who has had about enough of the crap that he’s going to take. He starts picking up random rocks from the farmer’s backyard and propelling them at Tuc. At least I thought they were rocks until I got close enough to smell them. And I realize he’s pitching horse dung at Tuck and Jake. For some reason, I find this to be hysterical, and I start laughing so hard that I almost swallow my tongue.

That is when they all turned in my direction and became aware that I was watching them. Apparently, they don’t think this is an occasion for laughter. Because the next thing I know both Jake and UPS guy are picking up and propelling horse shit at me. I yell out, “Hey, what the hell did I do?”

And I get slammed two more times. And then we all look at each other and start laughing. Jake calls his dog over to him and grabs his collar. And then he turns towards the UPS guy and says, “I’m sorry about my dog biting you. Are you alright? Would you like to come back to my house and we can take a look at your bite? Maybe you would like to sit down and have a cup of coffee or something? You know my wife, Sharon, just made some awesome cornbread yesterday. Maybe you like to have some?”

And that is when I got a good look at Jake’s noggin and saw that he had acquired a huge red lump on his forehead from the header he took on his sidewalk. I had to clap my hand over my mouth because I had the strange and misguided idea that this was somehow really funny. I’m sure Jake wouldn’t agree.

I say, “Hey, I’m sorry for laughing. How about you all come over to my house and we can relax for a bit and calm down? And that is how I made my first couple of friends in the neighborhood. And I decided from now on I’m going to start making a more concerted effort to get to know my neighbors. And hopefully, I wouldn’t have to wait for another brawl to take place before I meet them.

It turns out we all had some things in common. Who would have thought? Not me. So, please take my advice, and don’t wait until people start throwing horse dung at you before introducing yourself to them. Life is too short.

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Trash Can Fire

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It’s my first day off from work in over a month. And I’m looking forward to finishing the book I started a month ago The Anthill Chronicles. I know that sounds like a weird title for a book, but it is a spellbinding story. Anyway, I was standing at the stove and making a grilled cheese sandwich with fried green tomatoes. I had already made a salad and poured a tall glass of ice tea and a small dish of peach yogurt. And then I plan on eating lunch on my screened-in back porch and watching the Koi swim around the pond I built three years ago. 

I place my lunch down on my small kitchen table and when something catches my eye, a flash of light. I stare out my kitchen window and I see my neighbor is burning something in his backyard. My first thought is he shouldn’t be burning anything today, it’s too windy. And then I see him pouring a liquid that I could only assume was gasoline onto the fire. Since he was holding a red gas can in his hand.

“Holy Shit,” I scream at the top of my lungs. The fire climbs high in the sky and then I hear a scream. My neighbor, his name is Joe is jumping up and down. I guess he’s trying to stamp out the fire in the leaves that surround him. I look for my cell phone to call 911 when I remember that I left it upstairs on the charger since I didn’t want my reading to be interrupted by my cell ringing.

I grab the tablecloth off the kitchen table and double-time it out to the backyard. By the time. I get to the back of my yard the leaves are actively burning and so is my neighbor. There’s a gate between my neighbor’s backyard and mine so I run as quickly as I can through the gate and over to the other side of the fence.

I throw the tablecloth over my neighbor to smother the flames. But the dry leaves all around his feet are burning. I try to get him to move away from the leaves but he’s in such a panic he’s frozen to the spot where he was standing. He is a lot bigger than I am and I can’t make him budge. So, then I run over to the side of his house and turn on the water faucet and start spraying him and the grass around him with water.

By now the fire was all but extinguished. And the smoke is rising up in the air and blowing in the direction of the wind. “Joe, do you have a cell phone?”  He hands me his phone and I call 911. Hello, this is Sandy Hall. I live at 20 Colfax Drive in Benson. My neighbor accidentally started a fire in his backyard. He has sustained some burns and needs to be taken to the hospital. He lives in the house behind my house. What? Yes, he is conscious, but he needs to go to the hospital. Ok, sure about ten minutes.”

I walk back over to Joe and say,” how are you feeling Joe? Are you in much pain? Do you need to sit down? I just called 911 they should be here in a few minutes. Why don’t we go and wait on your front porch? I’ll get you some water.”

“What the hell do you think you are doing calling the police? Who asked you to come over here? Why don’t you mind your own business?”

“What, mind my own business? Your yard was on fire, you were on fire. I was trying to help you.?

“Help, help who said I needed help?”
“Ok Joe, you need to sit down and wait for the ambulance. You are just overexcited and upset.”

“I didn’t ask for your help.”

At this point, I decided that Joe was not in a rational state of mind. And I was about to argue with him anymore so I walk around to his front yard to direct the ambulance when it arrives. Just then I see a police car and a fire truck and an ambulance pull around the corner of our cul-d-sac and I start to wave at them over.

Two young men disembark from the ambulance and walk toward me. “Hello, my name is Sandy Hall I called you. My neighbor over there started a fire to burn some trash and it got out of control and his grass and all the dried leaves in his back yard started to burn and then he poured gasoline on the fire and then he caught on fire. But I managed to put the fire out on him and sprayed the yard down with the hose. And then I called you guys. He’s right there.”

“Thank you for calling. We’ll take over from here on out. That was brave of you. I’m sure your neighbor appreciates your help. It could have been a lot worse.”

“Well, I don’t know about that, but I hope he will be ok.”

I stand by my neighbor’s front step and watch. It looks as if the firemen and the EMT’s have everything well in hand. So, I walk back to my back porch and sit down. I drink the glass of ice tea down in one gulp and nearly chock on the ice.

I try to pay attention to my book, but somehow, I keep finding my attention drifting away and watching my neighbor. Although I can’t hear what is being said it’s clear my neighbor, Joe isn’t been cooperative. The thought crosses my mind that some people are their own worse enemy. Once they get an idea in their head there is no changing their minds. About ten minutes later, I notice Joe is getting into the ambulance and apparently going to the hospital. I say out loud, “well that’s a relief.” And then I go back to finishing my dessert. I decide to feed my Koi fish and fill up the bird feeders. I come back to the porch and continue reading my book.

It’s a beautiful day and I enjoy my solitude and hope to finish my book tonight after dinner. About 4:30 in the afternoon just before I’m about to go in and start dinner, I notice a car pulling into my neighbor’s driveway. And sure, enough Joe steps out of the back of the car. He slams the door behind him. I wave at him but he doesn’t wave back. I shrug my shoulders and pick up my tray and go into my house to cook dinner.

The next morning, I get up and take a shower and go to work as usual. I have a busy day and time goes by quickly. As I pull into my driveway, I notice my neighbor, Joe out in his backyard. I consider going over there to check up on him. But I not up to another negative confrontation so I decide to forego asking him how he is doing.

The next day after work, Joe is once again out in the yard. So, I decide to gather my courage and go ask him how he’s doing. But I vow to myself that if he so much as raises his voice to me, I’ll never talk to him again. I open my gate and take a deep breath and walk towards the back fence. Joe has his back to me. “Hi Joe, I’m sorry if I’m interrupting you but I just wanted to ask how you are doing?”

Joe turns around and looks at me. “Oh, it’s you.” And then he just stands there and stares at me. So, I try again. “So, how are you doing? Are you in any pain?’

He finally turns towards me and says, “They gave me pain killers. They told me I was lucky not to have been burned more extensively. I know I acted like an ass. I should have thanked you for coming over here to help me.”

“Oh well, I didn’t come over here for an apology or a thank you. I just wanted to see if you are ok, that’s all. So, are you ok?”

“Yes, I will be, and thank you for helping me. No one else ever went out of their way to help me ever. But I guess that’s my fault for not being friendly to anyone.”

“Well Joe, I’m relatively new to this neighborhood, so I don’t know many people. It would be nice to have a friend here. So, in case you don’t know my name, it’s Sandy Hall. And I know your name is Joe, but I don’t know your last name.”

“It’s Joe Farmington, I’ve been living here for fifteen years. My wife died two years ago and since then I’ve been mad at the world and to tell you the truth, lonely. We never had any children. I’m pretty much alone in the world. I would really appreciate having a friend.”

“Well then, how about coming over to my house at lunchtime. I hate eating alone all the time, but as I said I don’t know anyone around here. How do you feel about bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwiches with ice tea and chocolate ice cream for dessert?”

“I say that sounds great, thanks for asking. What time?”

“Twelve o’clock sharp Joe, on my back porch. I’ll look forward to it.”

And that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship between me and Joe…

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